Expectations Will a girl take care of a guy when his health fails?

[Lute]

Most of us will get old, and that usually means eventually becoming less independent. Do you worry about having a girl around to take care of you when that happens?

My parents married close to a century ago, and in their final days, the more able one looked after the other. This is to me one important benefit of monogamy.

Suppose now an able-bodied guy in his 80s gets himself a girlfriend who is his junior by, say, 20 years. There's a good chance his health fails before hers and that he'll need someone to look after him in various ways.

Maybe it's just errands or chores, but at worst if he's totally disabled or out of it, it could get pretty laborious. But I guess it helps if she's got healthcare experience!

I would expect that since they are in love, they would take care of each other to the end no matter what. But I've been asked, how do I really know?

So, do you guys think it would work the same even for a couple that has not been together most of their lives? Where the woman had been married before?

Let's say this is the first and only girl he's been intimate with in over 35 years, and he's monogamous to her. Does that help make her more likely to be devoted in the long run?

 

[empath]

Most of us will get old, and that usually means eventually becoming less independent. Do you worry about having a girl around to take care of you when that happens?

My parents married close to a century ago, and in their final days, the more able one looked after the other. This is to me one important benefit of monogamy.

Suppose now an able-bodied guy in his 80s gets himself a girlfriend who is his junior by, say, 20 years. There's a good chance his health fails before hers and that he'll need someone to look after him in various ways.

Maybe it's just errands or chores, but at worst if he's totally disabled or out of it, it could get pretty laborious. But I guess it helps if she's got healthcare experience!

I would expect that since they are in love, they would take care of each other to the end no matter what. But I've been asked, how do I really know?

So, do you guys think it would work the same even for a couple that has not been together most of their lives? Where the woman had been married before?

Let's say this is the first and only girl he's been intimate with in over 35 years, and he's monogamous to her. Does that help make her more likely to be devoted in the long run?

Lot of variables, and the answer is it depends on the girl.

My 2 girlfriends took very good care of me while I was sick on multiple occasions, even though they knew I might leave them.

They scored quite high on conscientious (specifically, dutifulness, self dicipline) of big 5 personlity trait.

There is one more thing though how in love is girl with you.

If both are there you need not to worry.

My mom is same, even if my dad is neglectful of her but she will take care of him.

So, I would rather not worry about it, screen my girlfriend/wife for these factors and caring nature and giving personlity.

Also, dont go for more wild girls, girls who are self centered etc.

Also, they will expect you to take care in similar fashion.

 

[KJ Francis]

I would expect that since they are in love, they would take care of each other to the end no matter what.

Keep in mind a lot of us are in our 20s and 30s here. The guys whose profiles say "tribal elder" or have the red icon are typically older and have the most experience from their own lives and knowing relatively more seducers with more life experience.

But from my perspective between seeing how attachments form, vs. knowing family and such, there is a big difference between "love" and being "in love". The latter is a fleeting thing discussed in a book called The Passion Trap. I don't see how you could really have a woman truly love you to the extent that she would care for you in a way that doesn't come with a payoff through your will unless you had built up far more emotional investment in each other through an actual long life together that was formed by sexual connection in the beginning and was a shared journey of your declining sex drives and health.

I do believe in love. My grandmother would stop at my grandfather's photo every time she passed it in the hallway. She believed she would see him in heaven and would pray/speak to him every single night. He provided for her because they had the shared mission of raising a large family. If you do not have the certainty in your heart that she is with you for your love and are posting on a forum out of doubt, I think you already know your answer deep down.

To me, the answer is to pay a psw.

Let's say this is the first and only girl he's been intimate with in over 35 years, and he's monogamous to her. Does that help make her more likely to be devoted in the long run?

Absolutely not.

 

[Warped Mindless]

If the nurse you pay for is a woman.

But seriously, it should be a goal of yours to make enough money in that such a situation you will always be taken care of. Even if you have a woman who deeply loves you and wants to take care of you, that doesn’t mean she’s fully qualified to do what needs done.

 

[SouthernGirl]

This depends on the specific circumstances, but in my personal opinion, as a woman if a female truly loves you she will.

 

[Will_V]

Most of us will get old, and that usually means eventually becoming less independent. Do you worry about having a girl around to take care of you when that happens?

To be perfectly honest, not really. I dislike the idea of needing someone to take care of me permanently, and if my health was so bad that I needed someone to help me get in and out of bed and go to the toilet, it'd be a bit of a moot point.

I very much hope to be the sort of guy who, as he gets old, is disciplined about his health and fitness, has a high pain threshold, and is mobile to the end. If that wasn't possible, I'd figure something out, but by then frankly I'd probably be more interested in the next phase of existence, whatever that is.

My parents married close to a century ago, and in their final days, the more able one looked after the other. This is to me one important benefit of monogamy.

If she's similar age, she might need you to take care of her. So it's not clear that this will even solve the problem. And the younger she is, the more chance there is that she isn't able to comprehend and respond the way you expect to problems that are emerging from someone in a different phase of life.

Suppose now an able-bodied guy in his 80s gets himself a girlfriend who is his junior by, say, 20 years. There's a good chance his health fails before hers and that he'll need someone to look after him in various ways.

Maybe it's just errands or chores, but at worst if he's totally disabled or out of it, it could get pretty laborious. But I guess it helps if she's got healthcare experience!

I would expect that since they are in love, they would take care of each other to the end no matter what. But I've been asked, how do I really know?

So, do you guys think it would work the same even for a couple that has not been together most of their lives? Where the woman had been married before?

Let's say this is the first and only girl he's been intimate with in over 35 years, and he's monogamous to her. Does that help make her more likely to be devoted in the long run?

In my experience so far (mid 30s now), girls with a conscientious, nurturing personality (which I like and select for) will take care of you when you get sick. It's part of her feminine motherly/nesting instinct to take care of you and your offspring, and she's also fundamentally aware that she is reliant on you, and when you're out of action that can have all sorts of consequences for her future. Good women tend to understand that taking care of her soldier and patching him up so he can go back to war is what her role is all about. It's not just figuratively what happens in relationships, but also what happens in actual wars.

Really good women not only nurture a man's health, but also his mind so that he always feels strong, capable, and resilient, and they don't try to neuter his natural tendencies that might help him in adversity, the way a lot of modern women will do. Being able to get what she wants and needs from a headstrong, dominant guy with a minimum of conflict is the most advanced female skill there is.

So in general I think women will take care of you when they love you, care for you, and are invested in you. But in return she expects you to lead her, win wars for her, and build a life and a legacy together.

Does that extend to wiping your bum and spoonfeeding you when you're too old and creaky to do it yourself? Ideally yes, but there's no guarantee. Modern marriages that consist of two people living together in relative isolation are relatively new, there used to be all sorts of frameworks in place - multiple generations of family living together or in the same vicinity, strong social and religious bonds and rules around taking care of elders, etc. In a house occupied by a family of 15 with 3 generations living together, it's a lot easier to spread the burden of taking care of an old grandparent, but to put the entire burden on one other person, who might be already dealing with their own share of problems, while living in a society that doesn't value those kind of duties, is asking a lot.