You're Cute

[Yhaceed]

I saw this girl in a restaurant and looked at her a few times to which I think she noticed. After the third time I guess I thought she looked like she might not be comfortable with that so I went up to her and I said "you're cute". She responded thank you and seemed happy to receive my compliment. She didn't give me the "awwwww" that some girls will which I take as a good sign. Then I walked off and she had a look on her face as I walked off like "what's the problem." I don't know what it was but I did something I guess or looked a certain way. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything in the first place but the average guy would follow up that compliment with some sort of conversation maybe ending in getting a number or something. But for various reasons I didn't want to take it that far and I was not up for hearing any sort of rejection. My only intent was to tell her she was cute and then go about my business but I guess some girls feel like that's not enough and it would have been better had I said nothing especially if the feeling was mutual. I didn't even consider that in the first place. I'm feeling bad just thinking about it and not having talked to her a little bit. Do you guys think she wanted me to follow up or was there something else going on?

~Yhaceed

 

[Lucky]

Yes you should of followed up with a conversation and got her number as for not really feeling up for a rejection in the beginning we all don't want to get rejected but as you grow more experienced you realise that she's not the only cute chick out there plus to give it to you straight you will get rejected in the beginning that's how we learn and adapt as for you looking at her before you approached it would been better if you approached after your first look or locked eyes and used that as a pre opener

 

[Yhaceed]

Lucky

It's not the rejection itself. I can handle that. What I have more of a hard time handling is getting a conversation going. In general I see people of all ages either talking to me or I start talking to them and then they talk back. Then I have to tell them I've lost nearly all my hearing and then either they say something like "forget about it" or really cut short what they were saying. It doesn't happen this way all the time but it's like I think more of these times recurring than ones where it was positive and people took time to just talk (not hard to do with the technology we have). So yesterday that's kinda what happened and I didn't want to hear one more person , the girl in this case, telling me to "forget about it" or maybe acting like I'm dumb but there's a big difference between retarded and someone who can't hear. Plus as I said there were other reasons I didn't take the time to talk to her but looking back I probably could have explained it. And I think she might have actually tried to qualify herself. So maybe I should have said "you're cute but this isn't gonna work" instead. Anyway I'm learning and if possible I'll never let this happen again.

 

[Lucky]

Truth is I can relate to not being able to get a conversation going but the main things you have to focus on is deep diving and figuring out about their Passion? (That's how I've been rolling) and expand info from there with maybe a few cute nicknames and playfulness
But as for actually starting the deep dive just ask
"So you seem like an interesting girl what do you for hobbies?"
Or maybe try a cold read? (Calculated guess: basically judging from what little you know about her you take guess on something about her, example: personality)
"So you got a curtain rebellious look about you something tells me you were the naughty girl in school (; "

And as for people talking back just ignore it or treat it like some 5 year old kid is trying to talk back essentially the same thing while changing the subject. That would be your best course of action but there is a bunch of articles by chase better equipped handle people talking back so on girls chase search up 5 ways to answer a challenge in social situation if you encounter further problems.

 

[Yhaceed]

Yeah I wasn't thinking about deep diving, doing cold reads, or anything. It's not because I couldn't. It was because I was tired and figured I'd only get so far doing anything but I should have given her a chance. I've been focused on not being a social burden that I forget that a lot of people are willing to talk. This girl was my hardest case because I hurt her for lack of a better word. I think my first mistake was actually not looking her in the eye which I normally do and might have if I'd stayed but I forgot. Then I probably would have noticed I better take my time with her. Imagine though you were teaching ninth graders and you're 30 years old. You might think some of them were cute but you wouldn't pursue anything with them. Of course that's an extreme example (she could have been 21) but I felt like we're too far apart age wise. Now I realize she could have been older than I thought but all this is hindsight. As in my example a teacher would take a little time to explain to his student that their relationship will always be student teacher until maybe she's at least 10 years older. I could have said maybe in 3-5 years we can get together but I didn't explain anything. So I'm left with leaving her confused and getting over this feeling of how wrong I played this. In the future I won't ever let it happen again because I know from her point of view she's thinking we could have had a lot of fun and either that will happen with someone else or I'll explain why it can't. I'll probably start feeling better when I talk to the next one which should probably be today if I do 10-20 cold approaches.

 

[Lucky]

Okay good luck with those approaches and don't forget what I taught you about opening

 

[Snazzy]

who knows, who cares. she did want you to follow up though, from the sounds of it.

 

[Fuck This]

What you did was the PU version of "Counting Coup". Approaching a woman, opening her with no intention of pursuing it further. Almost as if with no motive.
Sometimes this can be a great warm up or confidence booster for a guy.

Many times it is a defense mechanism..."If I don't ask her out, she can't turn me down."

Sometimes its because you aren't attracted ENOUGH to follow through.

No matter the reason though, if you are going to do it be honest with yourself for WHY you are doing it.

Is it to intrigue her and get her to chase?

Is it to get over the hump of being afraid to approach?

is it an altruistic intent to raise someone's feelings of self worth?

Is it someone you are attracted to but unable to follow through with a name and number because you are in a relationship, or on a date? or vice versa?

I've had a couple women whom I did not know, give me the "You're cute",or "You are adorable", line in passing. I've just smiled and blushed and thanked them. I wasn't available to engage them at the moment. A few of them weren't attractive enough for me to push the interaction. But it did give me the perspective of what that person recieving the compliment feels. My guard was definitely down at that point and I would have been more opento conversing after that unexpected greeting.

 

[Yhaceed]

Yeah I can think of at least one time I was on the receiving end too. I was skating and I think this girl said "hey cutie". Since I was "busy" I didn't stop to make conversation and I figured they were playing games. Also I don't think she was attractive unless maybe it was her friend who said it. This was a long time ago so I can't remember the exact details. As for my intent it was altruistic and also being in a relationship. I'm not afraid to hear a girl tell me she's not available. I've seen that enough times. However in theory I know I look good but having girls actually confirm that is a little newer to me. I started experiencing that after coming to this site. And it's funny I'd never know it in the past usually but it's like the signals are loud now. Anyway this girl from this report blushed and I didn't know that was a good sign. I just haven't been in enough social situations for some years now where I'm having to slow down and talk to people. Also I guess I didn't switch fast enough mentally from her looking uncomfortable to blushing and saying thank you. So I guess I was stuck in the fact thinking she didn't want to be bothered. Somehow I've got to break this habit of moving on instead of talking to the person in front of me. I mean I did it again the other night with someone not as attractive but the way she clasped my hand and looked at me was plenty of evidence I could have talked to her and maybe had some good conversation at least for a few minutes. Anyway I guess with more frequent approaches versus less frequent will help to change that.


~Yhaceed