Date 3: FR: Her: "Seduces then mutilates them (girls)..." Me: Sigh...
Cold approach and Insta-date
I'm walking in the middle of my daily 2 hr day game periods and I see this
Light skinned probably Indian but not sure what she is girl walking around
really gracefully. She's conservatively dressed, I know instantly she's my type
of girl, at least the type of girl I like now
I'm more attracted to her than so many girls I see who are of my ethnicity
I side stop with very slow arm tap from the side and deliver one of the most
genuine "You look great" openers I've given since the 500 approaches I've accumulated
over the past 3 months.
She's flustered. I position myself in front of her and we get into a half-awkward half
enjoyable conversation. Awkward because my conversation is really not smooth still but
enjoyable because we're seriously attracted to each other.
I joke about some ethnicity thing and even the fact that both are not very religious
in spirit
even though the forces of religion in our lives as I am able to glean may have been
actually quite strong
I find out she's 18 and this is the first time she's been approached. I managed to get
very early compliance because initially we're standing in the middle of a bustling
bustling intersection of pathways and I confidently and successfully tell her to move
into a corner
So the awkward/enjoyable conversation continues and for some reason I've been more keen
to start going on short insta-dates because maybe pushing comfort zones not sure why
We were initially walking in opposite directions, so I ask her why she's on this busy street
and she says she lives far away and she was meeting friends so she wanted to take a walk
before she went home
I was going in the opposite direction which happens to be where my dinner place is.
I think 5 min insta-date. I initially wanted to walk with her in the direction she was going
but I realised that I wouldnt know what to do in that case.
So I did the right thing and pushed for her to come in my direction. This part's funny:
Me: Come with walk with me to my dinner place
Her: (Really unsure and flustered but excited and attracted to me) umm, why? for what?
Me: (impressed that I had the guts to be direct about it) It's a date! (I start walking
slowly in my direction)
Her: Wwwhhhaaatttt!??!?!??!? (Hysterically) (She's pretty inexperienced oh well)
Her: I've never gone on a date before like this... And you're not even going to ask?!?!
(As in ask for her permission lol... Relax my dear. 2 years ago, I would
. Not now.)
(Since I didn't ask her and just started walking)
Me: She wants to start moving but I can tell she's not very comfortable so I turn back to our corner
Me: (Impressed that I managed to say this) THIS (referring to the fact that we have been talking for
a bit already) is a date
Her: (Says nothing and accepts the frame)
So I chat with her a bit more about how depending on how long someone's lived they'll have
experienced more things, I tell her my age and she tells me her age and she's 18 while I'm 21/22
So this perhaps makes her more comfortable and I start walking slowly and gesture for her to come
and she starts walking slowly, and she asks where we're going and I just explain exactly where,
just a 2 minute walk and she's trembling and she starts asking me whether I do this regularly to
which I actually give a crap answer and say "Enough."
So we talk a abit about attraction, then the schools we're from, then my deep diving fails again,
but we do have a warm conversation. And she's really attracted to me. I say she looks really good
and sounds very foreign. And she says the exact same thing to me. Like I have not received such an
attracted-to-me compliment before
Close
Me: I'm keen to go and eat dinner. I AM ALSO KEEN to see you again another day
.
I take her phone number and realise I forgot to delete the call logs of 2 other girls I picked
up and I spent some time fiddling with my phone to delete my history and ignoring her and she
looked slightly annoyed because of that. I wouldn't expect anything else.
But so I got the date and she was still really excited when she walked off so yea.
Texting
Fri
1918 Me: Hi G, this is Y... Great to meet someone with (her accent), save my number
.
1922 Her: Heyyy... it was great meeting u too
2103 Me: Yea. How's ur schedule next week?
2159 Her: Idm Thursday?
1040 Me: Sounds good. Roughly what time can u be at Somerset?
Sometime in between 1040pm and my next reply: Her: Urmmm how about 2:30 ?
Sat
0925 Me: 2.30pm's good. Meet me at (place) then.
1402 Her: Okay
Wed
2143 Me: Hey G, are we on for tmr?
2212 Her: Yup
2231 Me: Okay, see u at 230, meet me on the 1st floor of (place)
Thurs
1346 Her: Hey cld we meet at 245 instead I'll be held up by subway
1412 Me: Ok then
1444 Her: hey I'm here
1445 Me: Ok coming up, meet me at (Landmark)
1445 Her: Okay
Description of girl
On this date, she was looking good with a black skirt that stretched down to
slightly below halwfay to her knee and a not so tightly fitting and baggy shirt.
She has a great body. Cream coloured baggy shity. Black handbag that slings down
from her shoulder to her waist level.
She's of Sikh religion and she's Indian. In my country, Indian is a minority
group but there is a sizable community, about 5-15% of the population is Indian
The thing is that her being Sikh distinguishes her from most of the Indians
because Indian who are of Sikh faith are a much smaller subset of Indians in my
country. Closer to 1-2% of the people in my country maybe less.
For the guys who want to know where on the out of 10 scale, she has slightly strange
looking lips aside from everything else. I don't like to use this scale but if not
for her lips she's 9.5. Lips make her 8.5-9. Really good body. b/c cup breasts. I
don't really even give a shit about breasts that much, this is for the sake of readers
Date
Conversation
She's always asking me about my life. This is congruent with how
she was probably looking for a boyfriend in me. Even during the
first insta-date she asked me the question "How long are you going
to be here (in this country) for?"
From start to end of date...
Clothes shop
Talk briefly about logistics, talking about me eating 2 meals a day,
realise this is not good, change to asking her about what she talks
about with her friends, she doesn't really know how to respond to my
question because I don't explain it well enough, so I immediately
quite quickly transition to asking her what kinds of friends she has
Essentially, I'm just trying to find some kind of opening based on
Chase's advice for talking to younger girls:
Let her talk about whatever and tease her about her stuff
I ask her whether she has many friends of her ethnicity because there
can be a tendency for Indian girls to stick together.
She tells me she has no Sikh friends, and may friends from all of the
dominant races in my country. It does even sound like she has many Indian
friends
She says she's not in touch with the culture of her religion and she's
quite modernized. We talk a bit about the religion of my family and
I don't say much.
Conversation dies down a bit. And getting a bit awkward and I'm getting
quite intimidated by her natural body language as well.
But I press on. So I ask again what she likes to talk about with her
friends and she says girl stuff that's awkward to talk about with guys
I ask her whether she has guy friends and she says she does, at least,
"a few..." was what she said
Now I get
test 1 (see next section):
And then she comes back to asking me about me not eating lunch and the
fact that I only eat 2 meals a day. She says that wierd. She says
there's also wierd things about her like how she never wakes up b4 12pm
and in my mind I'm like wow she's my opposite I wake up really early in
the mornings. I don't say anything here which is a good move.
I tell her I'm color blind and I want her to help me make some
color-distinctions. She asks me to make a color distinction for the shirt
in front of us. We talk about it for a bit and then I interrupt her and say
actually I want her help to make some color distinction for some piece of
clothing that i regularly wear. She actually seems quite annoyed that I
make this interruption and bring her my way
On the way to see the socks, there's some significantly long awkward silence,
I just throw in some small comments but not enough to defuse the awkwardness
so I actually just keep silent while we are walking
And then she tries to fill in the awkwardness by asking me about what I talk
about with my friends
I just redirect the conversation back to her because she sparks my interest
in what her social circle is actually like and she says she has a number of
different circles of friends (elementary school, junior high school, senior
high school)
I suddenly recall she talked about girly stuff previously and so I ask her
about it. And this is a really important part of the date I believe because
I finally found the thing that allowed us to get the talking going:
Her: You like girly stuff? (Pause) Make up?
Me: Ok not make up... like
Her: Gossip...
Me: Like... a lot of um... behavioural gossip. I'm pretty sure there's a lot
of gossip that can be quite behavioural.
Her: Ya
Me: For example, like... Why does this guy do this thing? Like... THIS GUY
(referring to some imaginary guy) JUST does this thing!
So she says that she and her friends talk about T, till now I don't know what
T stands for. I believe that T stands for taboo. I ask her to explain
She says for example 2 people were making out at the water fountain in school
We check out the socks (that the thing that I always ask the girl to do
on dates). This girl was not investing very much. When I went to see the
socks, she leaned on the wall as though watching me do my own thing with
her naturally closed off body language. The girl from date 2 literally
squatted down and compared the socks with the ones that I was on the spot
wearing even though the girl from date 2 was wearing high heels so yea it's
actually a good compliance and investment test. And well here she really
was not complying or investing heavily enough. even less than half the
investing that I got from the girl in date 2.
After showing her the socks, I start to get slightly afraid and because wtf
like she's really not complying and I wasn't confident that I could get her
to a level where I could pull her because... man... very little investment
I compliment her baggy shirt because I have nothing to talk about
So she tells me about her travelling to South East Asia because of her relative
there and some other small talk
16 mins into the date
We leave the clothes shop and go straight to the quiet coffee shop that is
2 levels above the clothes shop. I don't know whether this was the right
decision but I actually honestly believe that it was.
Ice cream is in a very wide open area filled with girls. I use this if I need
to build attraction.
But what my girl really needed was comfort and connection so the coffee shop
was the right choice
On the way to the clothes shop we just talk about how we are actually both
really intimidated by each other. First time someone has said it to me but
I have this tendency of staring very deeply into a girl's eyes when I'm
trying to understand her and put myself in her shoes and I believe actually
that it is very intimidating because it's a very piercing and demanding kind
of eye contact. I do this when I'm relaxed
Before we get to the coffee-shop there's this really long silence that was
potentially very awkward thank god for me significantly keeping my cool and
pushing us along my date script. And so I just act very strongly like it's
really not very awkward or ok to be awkward even though it is quite awkward.
We even start moving a distance away from each other because she walks
really slowly and I just didn't give a shit and walked at my own pace
further than her and then looked back at her and waited for her to catch up
as though to say to her in non-verbal language "U R walking too slowly"
I finally after 30 seconds of awkward silence, try to get back to Chase's
advice of letting her talk about whatever. And I try again regarding the
'gossip' topic of conversation.
Me: (Abruptly breaking the silence) "So they were making out at the
waterpoint...?"
So she starts talking quite fluidly about the topic like she's really
interested in talking about that subject saying that 2 students were
having sex at the waterpoint and disciplinary action bla bla bla
She tells me the details about the circumstances and how she
doesn't really know the girl personally
So then I make another breakthrough and ask her what her opinion
on the thing she's gossiping about is.
She says she's shocked and bla
20 mins into the date
We get to the coffee shop and she says she knows of this shop but
didn't recognise the way I described it
Now she's a bit flustered because she doesn't know what to do or
what to order and I'm really 100% in the lead because she's not
familiar with the place at all
She says she not sure what drink to get and I just say that for
people who don't really know the culture of the drinks being sold
here it should just be iced tea or iced honey water. And I tell
her that we don't have to spend money so we are just going to buy
and share one drink
So she just walks into the shop and goes and heads towards finding
a seat on her own without even telling me and I'm like WTF she is
trying to walk all over me
The thing about this coffee shop is that u have to order and collect
your drinks/food at the front counter. It would be implausible for
either of us to go and sit down first because she doesn't know how to
order (I need to take the lead) and if she goes and sits down first
it's like I'm serving her as my queen
Me: (I literally reacted to this by loudly stating and frowning while
I said it) Hey... Hey! Where'r u going?!
(As though she just left me at the counter to buy drinks for us like
WTF. When she came back to standing in the queue with me because I
scoffed at her, she sounded like she was bored and not having fun)
So I speak in a different language to the waitress at the counter to show
some social proof but all the difficulty that I faced throughout the date
with my thread amplification failing and this fked up test of hers was getting
to me so I made some stupid comment about how she could understand the language
I was speaking when she was actually able to tell based on the body language of
the shopkeeper
So the drink is like 2.50. Then I ask her for 1 dollar and then she gives it to
me and then halfway while she's rummaging for it I just say actually she doesn't
have to worry about it and she says it's ok she'll pay me back.
So we find some place to sit down after we collect the 1 drink we're sharing
And then we take our masks off and she doesn't look too bad so I'm like yea this
is ok. She has some slightly strange lips but I'm fine with it
Talking in the coffee shop
I immediately transition back to talking about the gossip and then she just
jokes that oh they're 15 and 16 so it should be the guy that's at fault. And
I feel like I'm doing some fking frame battle. I just laugh it off saying that
they're not minors.
We're sitting down opposite each other. It doesn't feel right to go and sit on
stool next to her because she's just being testy/princessy/not-compliant so I
believe that that would look needy.
I take my mask off to have a sip and then she takes her mask off and she looks
not as good as I thought but still good and and then I pick the cup up and
stretch place it near her chest because it's like a plastic cup sticking out
of a straw so this move is as though to tell her to drink from the straw while
I'm holding the cup and this fails. She motions to grab the cup from me and I
let go of the cup.
I act a little needy in explaining that I haven't dated girls with masks, which
is actually a lie but dk why I got a bit needy. She says have u not gone on a
date before like some test then I just deflect a bit but it still comes off as
a bit needy so good learning experience. I'll keep my cool better next time.
She keeps saying that my eye-contact is really intimidating and tells me to
stop doing it and I tell her no it's my thing. Strong frame from me good
We get back to the topic of gossip and she's always talking about sex. There were
actually huge opportunities to set sexual frames and turn the gossip about sex
into a sexualised conversation between the two of us but I'm not going to beat
myself up about it. This girl is quite high-level and I'm still learning to
converse lol.
We talk about people having illegal high school public sex in this conservative
country and we're laughing our asses off
So I attempt to share a gossip story with her that was boring. Then I told her a
second one which genuinely made her laugh her ass off,
Still talking a little too much about my life. I'll get better at this no worries
So suddenly she tries to build this evaluator frame by asking me what music I like
and man I really used to be a nerd so I don't even know many artists that well
So there was a fair bit of dissimilarity created here.
So it's interesting to note that she tried to sieze control of the lead of the
conversation by evaluating me on what music I liked where she obviously knew a
lot more about music than me. So I genuinely tell her what music I like but I
do a good job of maintaining my cool and being really confident in my tastes in
very upbeat and positive music and I tell her directly that I don't like rap
even though that's what she really likes and she says "Oh... that's ok, it's
fine I like pop too" as though she's trying to frame it as me qualifying myself
to her.
So I didn't get defensive on her trying to sieze control of the frame but still
her offense worked so not sure how I'm going to avoid this in the future.
She goes on another wave of trying to create some evaluator frame and ask me
"So what other music do u like...?"
I talk about som artists she knows and then some older artist she doesn't know
about then she flips it again mentioning some artist that I don't know but
I'm just keeping it completely casual so that helped
61 min into the date
So I still wasn't getting the compliance that I needed from this girl and I'd already
way overshot the time frame that I set for myself regarding how long I should spend
with the girl before pulling her
In the notes that I took into the date, I told myself pull within 40 mins 1 hour at the
very very maximum and when I looked at my phone I thought 65 mins had already passed
so I'm like FK it I am going to pull no fks given.
There is one lesson from Chase that I will never ever ever forget or stop believing
no matter what other people tell me and that is:
So I pull and it fails.
See Pull attempt 1 under the next section that contains
the skeleton of the date
And I fk up the part following the pull where my face was quivering a bit and I
couldn't hide my disappointment
And MAN after she said no she was grinning and then the 'women as meta-evaluators'
mindset came back to haunt me, and I thought she was laughing at me from the inside
But honestly it doesn't matter what she was thinking. Every time this happens
I'm going to think about how much she respects me for it and her next level
attraction for me. I'm getting closer to getting over this.
63 mins into date conversation continues
She asks me what I like to talk about with my friends and at this stage
my mind is still recovering from the pull fk up
She asks me questions and I utter 2/3 word responses and it's quite
obvious to me that I really letting the disappointment get to me on the
inside though I'm not sure she understood what I was thinking
Because to her it seemed as though I was just getting really unresponsive
and I stopped giving her the very intimidating eye contact that I was giving
her from the beginning of the date til that point so it seemed as though
I lost focus in her HAHA.
And then she started asking me the same questions, about music, about
what I talk about with my friends, and I just gave 2-3 word answers
which I believe actually made her start thinking that I was losing
interest in her lol.
And she keeps asking questions and I give really short answers. Listening
to the recording now it feels like she's chasing me because she's asking me
question after question and my response to each question of hers is shorter
than her question itself haha
Then she asks so many questions about me that she gets me talking again and
I slowly get back into my game though I still slightly shaken
And this is obviously bad because she needs to be doing the talking not me
I'll be more prepared for this next time
65 mins into the date I sorta recover from the fk up of my first pull and get
my game back up
At this point I thought, this is not going well and I really did lose
quite a bit of hope and she doesn't look like she'll ever say yes to the pull
So I thought I'm just gonna get her out of this coffee shop and if I need to
then I'll call the date off and just bring her to the train station or whatever
if something magical happens then let it happen. Just was absolutely not going
to sit there and maintain polite conversation
69 mins into the date
So I surprised myself by persisting to pull her 10 seconds after we left the coffee
shop with the exact same pull excuse. See Pull attempt 2.
Now her response to pull 2 was very interesting because she did
not actually say no. After transcribing the words and conversation of pull 2,
I realised that it
WAS NOT the FULL pull because she just agreed strongly to
follow me but not exactly walk to a secluded parking lot and get into my car
which is parked there.
Probably a massive opportunity to introduce sexual frames:
She tells me a new sex gossip story about how her friend from a different school
showed her a sex tape of 2 people having sex in a common area of a public housing
block
Her: It wasn't worth it (watching the tape). It was like cheap porn.
Should have asked her what porn she does like oh well...
Get her gossiping and talking and complaining about wierd stuff that happened in her life
74-75 mins into the date
See pull attempt 3. So I fk up pull 3 because I said we'll go to the car park, the roof, or reach
the end of the date. Not sure whether I fked up here
There's this long silence as we head away from the lift lobby at which I fked up pull 3.
Then I start conversation again, by asking her what she does in her free time. She starts
opening up a bit more.
She asks about whether I saw some show about 'how to get away with murder'.
And I genuinely thought she was asking me that question, and it was a stupid move of me
because I knew some interesting ways that people get away with murder so I started
talking about it but this is obviously the wrong thing to do since we're supposed to
let girls talk about themselves and it's a bad idea to keep talking about murder given
that girls associate the topics of conversation that they share with u
This conversation about murder though actually leads to her bringing out some of her
real objections in going to a private place with me.
We have some sort of a friendly debate about how u can always be arrested on suspicion
of murder so we actually have a conversation on that
Then she tells me the story of the Toy Box Killer (Never heard of the movie/book) who
kidnaps girls and tortures them inside his toy box
Immediately after we talk about this I try pull attempt 4. See pull attempt 4 below.
Then we reach the point where we're about to exit the mall and go into the train
station so I stop her there and we carry on chatting for quite a while
I tell her to decide whether she likes me (not sure what to say at this stage). This
is obviously the wrong thing to say since we're supposed to assume attraction I'll get
better at this next time
She asks me whether I like her, I say "I'm thinking about it"
So we vibe non-verbally for 30 seconds by just staring into each others eyes
Then I try to pull again. See Pull attempt 5. Pull attempt 5 is followed by her revealing logistical
barrier 1. See below: Logistical barrier 1 is her response to pull attempt 5.
Then we transition back into talking about each of our own unique intimidating
behaviours. I genuinely tell her that I feel really good when I look into her eyes
that way. It's a thing that I do when I try to empathise with girls and put myself in
their shoes.
Conversation transitions into some part where I show quite a bit of vulnerability
about myself and I think that that helps me connect with her quite a bit but I'm not
sure that's a good thing for me to do.
We have a staring contest and vibe.
90 mins into date I ask her about her logistics, being when she has to meet her Mum
and stuff. I go for the pull again. And it fails again. See Pull attempt 6.
I'm now showing quite a bit of vulnerability and now I'm listening to it, I'm going
to refrain from showing such vulnerability again. Though the display of vulnerability
does help me to invoke passion into our conversation. I think from now on I'll use a
bit of vulnerability to invoke passion during dates but I'll have to start incorporating
sexual conversation to make the pull more likely
The vulnerability is actually making her open up quite a bit though and I manage to
find out more about her. I find out that she's in some deep hidden sense significantly
and consciously racist against one of the many other races of people in my city.
105 mins into the date
So we literally actually said bye because we had nothing to do then I looked at her and
she didn't really want to leave because well she did still have some time to burn
before going to meet her Mom.
And then we get back to standing next to each other and chatting because we somehow both
could tell that we each wanted to spend more time with each other.
I get attached very easily and all it takes for me to really come to like a person is just
time and letting myself go in terms of letting myself like the girl. This is a good thing
that I can perhaps in the channel towards laying girls
Which I channeled into 1 last attempt to pull to get her to come to my car. We had actually
been standing and chatting for a really long time so even I felt like going to my car and
having a seat.
See pull attempt 7 below and her response which was objection 1.
So following this I chat with her and walk around with her for another 20-25mins
before I send her off at the same train station.
Before we parted ways I told her I'm not looking for a serious relationship, just
something casual and she had a hard time hiding her annoyance and
disappointment
Though here I suppose it's not too much of a bad thing because I can tell she was
starting to like me quite a bit so I didn't want to give her any wrong ideas
For all purposes of usefulness, that's the end of this field report.
Persistence in the pull, tests, and objections alongside the
skeleton of the date:
In chronological order during the date,
Clothes shop
Test 1:
"You have girl space friends right?" The embarassing part about this is
that I actually don't have friends who are girls.
But I just say that I do, and then I ask her why she says
"girl space friends"
"Well, I mean, if you have one I guess it's fine I don't know"
"I don't think I'd be doing this right now if..." (deliberately
keep it vague but this actually communicates rather low value)
At the coffee shop
Test 2:
Trying to treat me like some sucker boy at the coffee shop
Half an hour into coffee shop
Pull attempt 1:
Me: U stay at (Part of city) right?
Her: Yea
Silence
Me: Does ur phone have bluetooth?
Her: Yeah... Why?
Me: It can connect to a car? (dumb move from me)
(If her phone has bluetooth of course it can)
Her: It can connect to a car...?
Me: Yeah
Her: For what?
Me: Listen to music... Then we can drive back to wherever
Her: It's fine... I'll just take the train back home
For the next one to two minutes, I'm failing to hide my
disappointment and sense of hopelessness and it's actually
quite obvious I'm pretty sure that she noticed it
Me: (Qualifying myself) Ok. There's nothing much else we can do
Better than saying nothing I suppose haha
In Coffee shop, after pull attempt 1 fks up:
Thinking on my feet:
So I'm thinking to myself, am I going to just give up now? And drop the
whole date?
I remember articles that I read a long time ago from Chase about how he
wouldn't give up until he persisted in getting the girl to come 8-12 times
Of course in the heat of moment I forgot that these were girls who were
on the fence about going home with Chase
This girl was not on the fence about going anywhere with me
So I'm quite amazed that I persisted at least 5-6 more times in pulling her
66 mins into the date bouncing her from the coffee shop
Me: Let's go
Her: Where?
Me: ...Walk around
Her: Can we sit down for 5 more minutes?
I say nothing and just look at her with this I've-had-it-with-u bored look
Her: (Slightly frightened by my facial expression) What? I was
standing in the train okay?...
Me: 2 minutes
Her: Ok (She's sounding slightly more compliant now)
69 minutes into the date we leave the coffee shop
About 10 seconds after we walk out of the coffee shop,
I persist and go for the pull again
Pull attempt 2:
Me: (While walking in an empty corridor away from the coffee shop)
Ok. Come with me listen to music in my car
(This is the exact sentence I said not a grammatical typo but the
good thing was that I said it confidantly)
Her: Uuuuuhhh... (In some loud pondering voice) ... (Pause) Seriously?
Me: Yes
Her: In your car?
Me: Yes
Listening to the recording again now I realise that she was seriously
considering this
Her response to pull 2:
Her: Oh... K... (Under her breath) (Then she bursts into loud strange
laughter) (This may or may not be nervous laughter I can't tell she
has her mask on)
Me: What? Not really? (I asked her this because even though she technically
said ok, it didn't sound like a yes)
Her: I don't know... uh... (In her usual nonchalant voice) U don't wanna
walk around?
Me: Well... I thought u said u were tired
Her: I was tired for a while... but I just wanna sit down... I'm fine now
Me: Well just come with me... to the other side (the other mall above which
I parked my car)
Her: Ok sure
The thing was that this
WAS NOT the FULL pull because what she agreed to was
"just come with me".
Description of route from the coffee shop to the lift lobby from which the car
park where I parked my car can be accessed:
Coffee shop is on 5th floor of one building. Take the escalator down to the
4th floor of that building, on the 4th floor of both buildings there is a
link bridge from which we can cross over to the building with the car park,
after the link bridge there is still a small stretch to walk to the lift lobby
but it's a 100% public area so there shouldn't be trouble here
Pull attempt 3 (74-75 mins into the date):
We reach the lift lobby and are waiting for the lift that will bring us up to
the carpark
Her: Where are we going? The roof?
Me: No. The car park.
Her: For what!?!?
Me: Ok. So. We are going to our car right now.
Her: Whyyy?? (Not in a teasing tone. This was in sort of a playful whine)
So I suppose this is where I fk it up, I was too focussed on saying this
stuff confidently and also I was not mentally prepared for her to ask me about
where I was bringing her so that's 100% my fault
If I had been more prepared for it, I would ask her more confidently, not giving
her an option just see if she had any objection, deal with it there and then,
and then hard push, and then force the decision.
Me: If u are not comfortable with that, for some reason, then do u wanna go to
the roof? If not, we'll just like go to the station (signifying end of date),
that's it
Her: Then we're leaving now?
Me: Well we don't leave yet u see, cos we need to get there then we leave
Her: But I mean once u get there u wanna leave
Me: Theoretically, I mean that why u go to the station (Not watching the way
I come off and just coming off as quite a dick)
Her: I think we'll go to the station ya (Annoyed tone of voice)
Me: Ok, let's go
Her: (She huffs twice laughing under her breath though I can't tell whether
that's fake laughter or whatevs)
Start walking away from the lift lobby and making our way floor by floor to
the train station
At this point, I believed in my mind it was fked up beyond repair but since
I still had time to spend with her while walking to the station I thought
why not I just try to pull her a couple of more times.
80 mins into the date
She tells me the story of The Toy Box Killer who kidnaps and tortures girls
Immediately after I try to get her to the carpark a 4th time. Pull attempt 4:
Me: Seriously. I'll drive u home
Her: No! (Exclaims in a very animated way) nonononono don't bother...
Me: ... (I meant to say "let's keep" but I said it too softly) ... Spending time
Her: No it's fine, nonono I can take the train
Me: Ok...
Her: ehehehe (sounds like a genuine giggle)
82-83 mins into the date. Pull attempt 5:
After at least 30 seconds of non-verbal vibing, I decide to pull again
Me: Ok (3-5 seconds pause). I'll drive u back.
Her: Nooooo (Exclaims in an animated way, but this time in a tone of voice warmer
than how she reacted to pull number 4). Nonono I'll take a train
Me:
I just stare at her blankly in silence and keep my calm and then she starts
qualifying herself perhaps the blank silent face I'm giving her is quite scary
I'm aware that I appear as such when I behave like this
Logistical barrier 1 (Really a barrier? :/)
Her: No it's not u it's me it's actually because u know the reason why I said I
have to get back by like 5 plus is because I'm meeting my Mom in front at (some
other mall she's going to take the train to) because I have to take her to
some other lady's house because recently someone died. (Carries on to talk about
how both her Mom and her Grandma were quite close to the person who just died.
She says it's a cultural thing)
Me: Ok
Her: And so if she (her Mom) sees u (me), she's gonna have a lot of questions
haha (Some kind of very protective and investigative habits of Moms of her
ethnicity and race)
Me: yea yea absolutely yea, which is (pause) kinda cool
90 mins into date: Pull attempt 6:
After 5-10 mins of warm non-verbal significantly intense eye-contact vibing,
After asking about her logistics
Me: (Genuinely) Really, I'll send u... to... what... (whatever place she needs)
Her: Nah, its- I'll go by train. Look my Mom can't see me getting out of a guys car
Me: Ok
Her: Look I know I'm 18 and like technically I'm an adult and everything but u don't
get Indian Moms. Indian Mums are like... (not explained in words)
Perhaps this may have been a good time to show some kind of understanding towards
Indian culture but I just waited
Me: Ooooh ok u don't have to be like, I'll send u to some place nearer there (the mall
she's meeting her Mom at)
Her: It's fine... U go home and do ur work... U have a lot of projects, I mean u come
from a university... (in some really girly way) hehe
Me: (I respond girlishly) I don't know what that meeeeaans...!!
Her: U know university is a hug workload. I mean I've seen my brother locked up in
his room doing projects... Like really
End of pull 6
We start walking into the train station and get to the split up point less than a
minute later
105 mins into the date we're in the train station and vibing and almost split up and
say bye and then get back into conversation with each other because we're really
vibing and do actually want to spend more time with each other. After we get back to
talking with each other,
I attempt my last pull, pull attempt 7:
Me: Well (Long pause) If u want to... (Mistake from me again, but I genuinely meant
to say that, didn't really think too hard about the wording of this pull, because
we were really vibing but perhaps I'll think harder about it next time) what the hell
can we do? (thinking to myself out loud) We can seat at the backseat of my car and
just listen to music
Objection 1 (The real objection comes out)
Her: Ah! (Said under her breath dismissively of herself and she did seem embarassed about
it) Ok um... (Really sounded like she was coming clean) Would u be offended if I u know I
don't trust people to that degree of like sitting in their car and stuff?
Me: I mutter something attentively
Her: It's not just u it's just everybody in general
Me: Ok
Her: Because I had a bad experience
Me: Ok
I didn't ask her to elaborate on it and just stayed quite. Perhaps it may have been a
better idea to ask her what happened.
Throughout the rest of this chat about her objection, I believe I manage to keep my face
neutral but interested in what she's saying. Of course when she talks about some of the
more extreme things she imagined I show a bit of shock or taken-abackness
Her: Maybe next time, but not... u know... when u first meet them... That kind of thing...
U know what I mean...?
Me: Ok, I understand
Her: You're not offended right? (In a worried voice)
Me: Not really (In an animated voice)
Her: It's just me as a person... I mean... I just don't do it
Me: I genuinely say that right now I'm seriously vibing with her, before I got to the
station I wasn't so sure about how good I was feeling about her
I believe this is a good move as this is rewarding her investment in opening up to me
Me: I'm pretty sure u can tell that I'm enjoying myself
Her: Really? I don't know... I feel like ur a closed book (I suppose this is a good
thing haha). You just have this really emotionless face so I can't really tell
We have a bit of small talk
Her: (She brings the topic up on her own accord) Maybe next time but u know... not...
now
I keep silent for 5 seconds and just look at her emotionlessly, then suddenly I say
very nonchalantly
Me: That's ok
It would really have seemed rather needy or quite defensive to go for the hard push,
or force the decision at this stage especially because the conversation right now
was really quite a heart-to-heart one.
So it's interesting that she's qualifying herself to me at this stage, but problem is
I'm not going to get the sex so no amount of qualification matters
Her: I mean would u believe it if it's also because u know un know what (the name of
south korean manga) is?
She explains the difference between Japanese and South Korean comics
Her: Anyway I read this (Korean comic) once it's called (the title of the story:
involving the word "killing") I don't know if u've heard of it but yeah... ok, and
so technically u know, there was (sighs in some kind of embarassment) there was this
guy ok this character ok and (his name) ok and so what happens is that he lures his
victims to his house where he brings them to the basement and mutilates them
Her: So u know he's like a good-looking character, u know he has this um he has this
extroverted atmosphere around him u know like he can be really nice to u and stuff
but then it's all a show, he's really 2-faced, like he'll just be so nice to u, like
for example if he's with a girl
Her: Ok and then he kindof seduces her I guess and like flirts with her and she feels
wow like ok um and then he says like ok "u wanna come over to my place" and then
obviously she'll say yes
Her: right? I mean... U know some girls, they'll just go to their house and stuff
and then following that he
Me: ok... (attentively)
Her: he brings her home and ok and then they screw each other on the floor following
which he takes her to the basement and mutilates her. He's a psychotic killer. And
I'm not saying u r a psychotic killer but that comic taught me not to trust
everything on the outside I'm so sorry! but even if it was a girl and she asked me to
come over like I'm not even gonna trust her with that (laughing)
Her: And then this is also like my Mom never allowed me to go to other people's
houses and have sleepovers and such ever since I was young because her Mum told her
that she would be cut up and eaten
Her: I'm not saying ur like that but what if I really get into ur car and we're
listening to music and u suddenly turn into this guy and start locking doors
I just start lightly joking with her but in my mind I'm like ok I give up
Even if I do manage to get her to a viable seduction location during a second date,
it's going to be a horrendous uphill battle that I don't have the skills to win
So following this I chat with her and walk around with her for another 20-25mins
before I send her off at the same train station.
For all purposes of usefulness, that's the end of this field report.
Behavioural tendencies of this girl:
1. Tendency when she's seriously trying to say something look
of into space shift her gaze in many different directions quite
sharply
2. Tendency to cross and fold her arms and hold them to her chest
and put her weight on one foot like an entitled princess when she is
listening to u. She admitted to me in the second half of the date
that her friends say to her that that makes her look really
intimidating. I personally was quite intimidated by it at first when
we were hanging out in the clothes shop
3. She had quite closed off body language. Like throughout the
date there was no point in which I felt like she was really
following my lead really very well or complying with anything fully.
It did not feel at any point in time that she was investing really
heavily in me.
4. So it turns out at the end of the date when it seemed like I was
calling it off she got a little needy and disappointed that I was
ending the date so she revealed to me that she actually knew full well
that her body language was intimidating so maybe it was a test
Lessons that I learnt from this date:
1. Remember to prepare to remain unfazed if the girl says no to my pull. I was not
unfazed. I also noticed that I kept focussing on her grin after I made my first
pull and kept thinking that she was mocking me. For the purpose of my learning of
seduction and my own benefit, I will refuse to ever see a girl as mocking me again.
Any sign of sly grinning that a girl gives me whether or not I've fked things up
I will interpret as a high level of respect that the girl has for me because of
what I've just done and the high level of attraction that she genuinely has for me
2. What I did for this date was make her believe that since she wasn't complying
with me I was calling the date off.
3. At the very final part of the date, I just gave up my frame and said "if u r
looking for something serious" that can't work and she was visibly quite
disappointed and annoyed. Then she came out and said "I'm not looking for anything
serious either" which sounded like a retaliation. Theoretically, it was really
giving up my frame, but the only other way to go about it was to destroy her
objection which I didn't know how to do.
4. In my mind in the final section of the date where I just decide to take a short
walk with her because I'm vibing with her very well at the end, I thought to
myself maybe I'll keep this girl as a friend. Now that's the kid in me speaking.
The acceptance of mediocrity. So that's something that I'm going to shoot down
immediately from my mental space if that ever happens again on another date.
5. When asking very broad and open-ended questions always give examples to help
her along with answering my questions
6. I'm really lucky to have been hand-held throughout the course of this date by
the God of Luck because of how terrible I realise my thread amplification is.
Two topics that I could really connect to her on I just really couldn't do it
until I luckily just reminded myself of one of them sporadically 3 or 4 times.
The two topics were travel and gossip. And I didbn't even manage to connect with
her on travel only the gossip
7. Another big emotional lesson for me was when she said, after giving me her
story about the madman killers that she read about in comics and novels, she
said "it's not that I'm forever going to not be ok with being alone with u"
just that "I'm not going to do it until I've known u for a bit longer". My
on-the-spot reaction to that was ok, so maybe she needs to know a bit more about
my vulnerabilities. But now I think about it. This is a dead end. So yea. I
think I won't even text her back.
8. Some major change happened in between the cold-approach/insta-date and the
date itself. I don't think it was a major change in what she wanted but just
a lot more confidence in herself during the date because nobody had cold
approached her before and then during the date itself she was just trying to
act like a girlfriend who owned me because that's the role she wanted to play
in my life.
9. I was actually acting on an average level slightly needier than I should be.
Not very much needier but slightly needier. Edit: This is not even a sticking
point becauseit's not just slightly needier. I cannot imagine how much less
needi I need to be
10. She's the first girl who's told me that my eye contact is intimidating.
I agree with her but I think this is some form of a test and refusal to comply
All the girls can tell my eye contact is intimidating but this girl keeps
calling me out, non-stop.
11. In terms of the talking, because she opened up so much to me in the end,
I would say that, I did about 30% of the talking and she did about 70%
