Alex's (Hopefully) Intrepid Path to Mastery

[TouchGrass]

Welcome, friend.

Have a seat. May I offer you a cup of water? Oh, you're not thirsty? Well, take the drink anyways. This tale I'm about to tell will, hopefully, take a long while.

---

I should introduce myself: I'm Alex. I'm a high school senior from sunnyside North California, and currently an amateur student of the social arts. My goal is to one day become a master seducer who lives in a world of abundance and has access to as many beautiful women he wants any time he wants.

It's taken me a long time to really commit to pushing my social skills to the limits. I first discovered this site towards the end of freshman year of high school, but have only been passively applying its lessons to my everyday social circles so far. Despite my yearning for the results, I was afraid of putting myself out there and facing rejection to achieve my desired goals. You know how skilled a boy becomes when he doesn't practice his craft? In my case, not very.

I began growing despondent after years of no results because of my lack of courage. Still, my understanding of the importance of moving fast led to a great avalanche of memorable events senior year--this year. A month ago I had my first girlfriend and my first kiss. I got to third base and fingered a girl to orgasm with no experience whatsoever. I reached the point where I was about to have my first lay and lose my virginity, only to fall short because I was calculating too much and unable to become turned on.

Almost a week ago, I was also dumped by my girlfriend for some other guy for the first time(I presume because I had multiple chances for sex and botched them up each time--damn!). It, like many first rejections, hurt. A lot. But despite the onslaught of emotions, I knew from reading the articles on this site that the best way to recover was not to mope around; it was to go out and meet new women. I began understanding why some men turned to drinking or running away from their problems to cope with loss. If the pain of the breakup had been greater, I would also have been so overwhelmed that I'd turn to anything to cope.

Are you familiar with the legend of the phoenix? If not, it's a legendary bird that obtains life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. I'm not certain I'm quite comparable to one of those mythical creatures, but my hope is that my life will change into something much more amazing than what it was just a week ago. I never want to feel as lonely and scared as when my first girlfriend broke up with me ever again. That, of course, leads us to the meat of this story. The start of my path to (hopefully) become a legendary lover of women.

---

Now, I had already started on the Newbie Assignment, the first couple of homework assignments in How to Make Girls Chase, and the beginner's diagnostic ebook already. Multiple times for each of them. Usually I would give up early on into them because I didn't feel motivated when there were no immediate results. Now, however, I'm returning to them with the hopes of making it all the way through this time.

For about six days now I've been going out every day, trying to approach at least one women each time. I don't have records of most of those outings, but I did write a couple down in a small notebook I had. After reading through nino's Newbie Assignment (https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=78) I became interested in publicizing these reports since I realized it could be very beneficial to receive feedback and support while on this journey, so in my next few posts I'll be trying to recover what I remember of the last few days. Then I'll be posting memoirs of future outings after that.

Hopefully this will be a riveting, explosive ride!

Cheers,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 1

Right after my girlfriend broke up with me, I was a whirlwind of emotions. I treated the breakup as calmly as I could, discussing with her the ups and downs we mutually enjoyed in our brief relationship, and parted with a bittersweet goodbye and farewell kiss.

I started singing my own version of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies"...the critically (not) acclaimed smash hit, "I'm a single lady" by Alex. I was pretty cheerful. My grin, as it turned out later that night though, was only a delusion.

There are five stages to grief: 1) Denial; 2) Anger; 3) Bargaining; 4) Depression; 5) Acceptance. I think I experienced several of them that day.

Perhaps my false cheer was a form of denial. I was pretending that it didn't hurt to get dumped. Then I got angry and started asking questions.

"What the hell, Alex?" "How did I screw up?" "What happened?" "WHY?!"

I got so angry with myself, with her, with the world, and with the hard truth that I decided I didn't want to go home. I proceeded to try and change all the frustration I had somehow, and apparently, that was by going out to cold approach for the first time in months.

The first outing was a bust for the most part. At the local Target there were a couple of cute girls, sure. But only a couple, and I let one of them go (which made me more disappointed and angry). With the other one I barely found the cojones to walk up to her and very directly spit out my line: "Hi, I saw you standing here and wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today."

She gave me this sort of weird look, which made me feel a lot more awkward, but managed to reply with a clumsy "Thank you."

I tried to smile back and then got the hell out of there as fast I could, turning away and leaving without another word. I walked out of there with my best attempt at a slow, male model walk while feeling a mix of embarrassment and elation on the inside. I'd done it! One approach!

After I went to get some comfort Jamba Juice and had some brief small talk with the cashier, who was an average looking girl. When I returned to my car though, I realized that despite my apparent success I felt really sad still. And lonely, all by myself in my car.

I sat behind the wheel in the parking lot for thirty minutes, suddenly feeling an influx of emotions I didn't know how to deal with. Anger, fear, jealousy, sadness, hurt, longing...it had been a lot time since I'd felt that shitty. In my own words from the journal I wrote that night:

I feel rejected. Worthless. Overall terrible. I have this heavy weight sitting in my heart that just won't let go...I feel like no one will ever like me. As if I lost my last option.

Still, I found solace in the one thing I had left. GirlsChase and a future, if only I found the grit to achieve it. I had noticed that my social excursions had, for a time, alleviated the pain by distracting me with something else. I started wondering whether I was all that different from people who become alcoholics, drug addicts, workaholics, or other afflicted individuals society places a negative frame on. The only difference was I was a pickup-aholic instead. Was what I was doing the right answer?

There was time to doubt, but I couldn't stray from the path I chose. If I did lose my conviction in cold approach right then, I would've fallen into the pit of despair and hopelessness. That fate was far worse than just trusting in what Chase had to say.

I spent the rest of day wanting to cry but never finding the strength to let it all out, and rereading a few GirlsChase articles over again. I resolved that tomorrow I would go out and make a change.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 2

I realized it was silly to be so affected by this one girl when I woke up in the morning, but that didn't change the fact that emotions don't listen to logic. Including mine.

I went to the best mall I knew of from 12-2 PM. There were a decent amount of cute girls, but not that many. I felt kind of weird because I'd walk up to approach a girl, only to second-guess myself several times because I figured she was too young or too old. It was strange to approach someone who looked around the 13-16 age since I felt like I was a pedophile, despite being only 17 myself. It was also strange to try and approach girls that looked 35+ because I felt like I was inciting pedophilia.

Regardless, I started off making some small talk with a few people, male and female, but failed to really put myself out there to approach a girl for awhile. Besides that, the mall apparently wasn't very active in the early afternoon. Took note of that. Some cute girls, but not that many.

I also ran into the problem of thinking I would approach a girl, but see that her face wasn't all that attractive and use that as an excuse not to. "I don't even know what I'd compliment her on," I rationalized to myself. Still, I read afterwards that this sort of logic wasn't conducive to my seduction skills. I actually focus a lot on how attractive a girl is (especially her face), and unless I find her really beautiful, I tend to make the excuse that she's "Not that cute." Haven't quite resolved this problem yet, but it continued to plague me the next couple days too.

Anyway, I started observing a little. I noticed that my walk wasn't attracting that many looks, despite my attempts to make it sexy. I must've been messing up somewhere...I had watched a fashion show video on Youtube just that morning and tried imitating the male models' walks, but it clearly wasn't working.

Gave the same opener to a couple of girls, opened direct and facing them: "Hi, I just saw you walking there and wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today."

By the second girl I took Chase's advice and introduced myself after the opener: "...I'm Alex," I'd say, after extending my palm out. Then I'd exit saying, "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Hope you have a nice day."

After that I left to go home, but on my way back I realized there was I park I knew about but had never really visited. So I went there to scope it out. I saw two girls there I was interested in approaching: one who was relaxing on a towel, another who was sitting down and reading a book.

I realized this could be an opportunity to use indirect direct. I thought about approaching the girl laying on the towel, but chickened out. With the other girl I circled around her awkwardly for a bit until I had the guts to squat next to her. I opened from the side this time like I remember Chase advising.

"Hey, you're taking up all the prime real estate," I said.

She pulled out her earphones and asked me to repeat myself. I just tried to roll with it. "I'm just kidding. I thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that. I'm Alex."

"Oh, okay, uh, thanks," she replied back, and babbled something about reading. I wasn't too sure of what to say after that so I exited. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Have a great day!"

Pretty much no approaches for the rest of the day. Went home and felt a bit accomplished, but felt myself reeling now that I had nothing to distract me. I went to read some more and start trying to figure out this cold approach thing better.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 3
02/14/2016

Valentine's Day. I was going to the mall to watch Deadpool with some friends, so I went a little bit early to see if I could get at least a little cold approach in before the day was over.

I think I approached only one girl and gave her a compliment that day, so pretty uneventful on that front. Several times I'd see a cute girl and realize I'd missed a perfect opportunity to approach because I hesitated, and then use that as an excuse to not do it. I feel like, regardless of the fact I missed a great opportunity, I should ran after her and approach, but it feels really unnatural. In retrospect, that's a part of the game when you're new. I should be trying just to practice my skills next time, not in hopes of making a "perfect" approach.

Also, while with my friends I realized I'm not a particularly open individual. I'm hesitant to show my vulnerabilities, quirks, and weaknesses. Think it may have to do with being shy and reserved for such a long time. I should grow more comfortable just being me, though it's hard to reconcile that with trying to only show aspects of myself that the person I'm talking to can connect and relate to. It's a hard line to figure out, but I think I'm getting closer.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 4
02/15/2016

Today I visited the nearby university downtown, with lots of cute girls. The surrounding area was pretty dead, but it was much better on the actual campus itself. Poses an interesting question to me: How do I find the best venues in my area to meet girls? I don't know of very many popular streets of destinations, and only going to malls or universities all the time seems strange to me.

Also started wondering to myself about what I'm going to do about the age difference. I think most adult women would be uncomfortable going out with me if they knew I was 17, since I'm technically still a child. Several times I've lied that I'm "19" or "20" when women have asked how old I am already, but lying seems like a shortsighted answer to me. The truth has a habit of coming out. What should I do?

While downtown I encountered a lot of the same problems I have been. I'd see a girl I want to approach, get scared, and then chicken out. I think one of them actually made eye contact with me first, which has been a rarity so far, and in retrospect I realized was probably an approach invitation. I should've ran after her?

Around campus I approached a girl sitting down with the real estate indirect-direct opener again: "Hey, you're taking up all the prime real estate...I'm kidding, I just thought you were cute and wanted to come introduce myself. I'm Alex."

She said she had a boyfriend, but that was really nice of me. A lot of women have been commenting that it was really nice of me when I've approached them lately. I'm not sure if it's a "awww" response because I look sort of young and they find it cute, if it's a sign I'm doing something right, or if it means something else.

---

Eventually I left the university and saw this tall woman (way taller than me; she was at least 6' to my 5'8") who was wearing these really revealing white clothes. I stopped in front of her and put my hands up, saying, "Stop for a second."

"What?" she said back. Her tone sounded kind of put off and annoyed, but I tried to roll with it anyways.

"I just saw you walking there and wanted to come you that you look really cute today."

I don't remember her next response, but it felt low effort and dismissive on her part. I got out of there ASAP with "Anyway that's all I wanted to say. Have a nice day!"

---

I was still disappointed in my lack of results, but I was determined to get just a little more done before I went home. So I left downtown to go grab dinner at this plaza near my place (Previously I had expected it to be a great venue to meet women, but I didn't see many cute ones most of the time I go there). As soon as I got to the cashier I noticed the girl working there was looking at me with a smile, and I had a gut feeling that she was into me. Made some small talk, and asked for her name, which we'll say is A.

As I left I figured, why not? So I said, "Anyway, you look really cute today, A. I hope you have a nice day," then left to find a seat. She seemed happy about it, but not like beaming or anything.

Then I saw this cute girl in white clothes sitting by herself in a booth. I sat on a stool across the restaurant, trying to work up the nerve to go over there and say something. I kept glancing over, not sure if she saw me or not. Anyway, I remembered how frustrated I was earlier that day and decided "To hell with it, let's go."

Used the real-estate indirect-direct on her again: "Hey, you're taking up all the prime real estate...I'm kidding I just thought you were cute and wanted to come introduce myself. I'm Alex." (Looking back, I've been using this line a lot, especially with girls sitting down. Is that a good idea?)

She looked surprised. "Hi, I'm, like, married," she replied.

I knew I had to play it off smoothly, but I think I got a bit defensive. "I just wanted to say hi. Being married has nothing to do with it," I answered, to which she got this slightly amused look and said "Ok."

Then she turned to her phone, away from me, and I felt a bit lost. So I exited like I have been. "Anyway, I should go grab a seat. Have a great day!"

Right after that I saw another girl wearing white clothes really similar to those of the married girl I had just approached. I honesty didn't know if it was the same girl or not, and I used the possibility of it being as an excuse to leave the venue. "Don't want to embarrass myself so badly again," I rationalized to myself, thinking about how awkward it would be to approach the same girl twice after she kind of dismissed me.

In retrospect, maybe I should've done it anyways. Even though I felt like everybody had to have been watching my awkward approach, which may or may not have been true, I think I should've sat next to her and said "Hi" or something. If it was the same girl I could play it off? No clue how I'd do it. Be like, "Wanted to remind you that you're cute. Go tell your husband that he's a lucky man" or something?

Then I went home and that was the end of that.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 5
02/16/2016

In the morning I went to a dance meet for a club I'm in and got into a bit of a more social mood. Still felt frustrated that no girls were glancing at me or staring at me or anything (least not that I've noticed). I had to become a more attractive man.

Returned to the university again, encountered the same problems. I'd get scared and chicken out, or rationalize, "Hey she's not that cute, I don't know if I'm all that attracted to her anymore or want to approach now that I see her face, skinniness, size, etc." Then I wouldn't approach.

While walking across the street I struck up a conversation with the girl next to me after overcoming a bit of nervousness. "Hey, did you press the button yet?" I asked, referring to the crosswalk button. She was really short and not that attractive to me, but I got to know a bit about her while we walked for like two minutes. She was 21 and a studying something medicine related at the university I think, but I didn't really feel all that interested in her. She came from a small town an hour away and liked living in the city, but also enjoyed her home town because it was cozy and comfortable.

She asked me how old I was and what I was doing at the university. I lied, saying I was "19" and "Here to visit my friend." I implied I was a college student who went out of my home city to somewhere else, which wasn't true. Really I was "17" and "Here to pick up girls," which probably would've sounded more lame.

---

I also saw a lot of girls walking in groups with one friend or two. I wasn't sure how to approach them. Who should I look at? What do I do about the friend? It's scary to approach two! Lots of excuses that made me chicken out.

Passed up several girls as well because as I got closer I'd realize they weren't as cute as I thought they were from a distance. They would just look not that attractive to me. Maybe my standards are too high? It's my emotional gut reaction evaluation though, so I'm not sure how to change that.

Then passed up girls sitting down or laying on the grass because I felt it'd be really awkward to go over there and interrupt, especially if they blew me out. (In retrospect, realizing I make a whole damn lot of excuses.)

Here's one conundrum I had though...if a girl passes me up, do I run after her? Especially if she's in a rush and walking fast. I feel like a stalker when I start to do it and just give up on the approach. Furthermore, what do I do if she notices my footsteps and turns to see me running up to her. Isn't that kind of creepy? Last, how do I pre-open girls I run up to? If I go up behind them and touch them it kind of violates the "Open from the side" rule Chase mentioned, but if I try to get beside her she tends to outpace me. Do I just walk up in front of her and tell her to stop?

Gah, makes me want to pull my hair out.

---

After that I visited the university library. Saw this girl with gorgeous hair sitting down and studying, so I sat down a few feet away from her and glanced over now and then, thinking about approaching. I noticed the library was quiet and how easy it was to hear people's conversations nearby. My approach would almost certainly be noticed. Still, I walked by and tapped her shoulder after about fifteen minutes of mustering up the balls, then gave the classic real estate indirect direct I used often: "Hey, you're taking up all the prime real estate...I'm kidding, I just wanted to come tell you that your hair is gorgeous today."

She apparently didn't hear me all that well, because she pulled out her earbuds and asked me to repeat myself, "Sorry, what?"

"Your hair is beautiful," I said, trying to recover. Earbuds were annoying, making it really hard for girls to hear me. It's been a problem.

I wasn't into it all that much after seeing her face though. It wasn't all that appealing to me. So after she thanked me I gave my exit line, "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Have a nice day."

After that I was about ready to go home, so I walked down the stairs (to add a teeny workout to the already stupidly long walks I'd been taking recently). As I came down, I noticed a girl who looked really cute from behind but was on her phone. I was tempted to tell her to hang up, but wasn't sure the idea would work. However it didn't look like she was talking yet, so I plopped myself looking out on the rails right beside her and tapped her elbow. When she turned I looked over and gave an indirect direct: "Hey, you're taking up all the prime real estate."

Like most girls I've used that with, she responded with, "Sorry, what?" after pulling out her earbuds. I'm pretty sure she heard me though.

"I'm kidding. I just thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that," I said. Don't remember if I introduced myself, but she actually was a totally different ethnicity than I thought she was which was a surprise. And cute too. However, she immediately apologized, saying, "Sorry, I have a call to make."

I didn't know what to do, so I said "Ok," and turned away from her to look out from the rails and down the winding stairs. It struck me that it'd be pretty scary to fall down from this height. Anyway, it felt really awkward to be standing here and waiting while this girl made her call, and right when she finished, she rushed out saying, "Sorry, I got to go!"

I didn't have much time to say anything back other than, "Ok, have a nice day!"

Then I tried approaching some more when I left, chickened out, and went home.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 6
02/17/2016

I went to the post office for the first time in the morning. Had to send an important form, but no idea how the process worked. I noticed that the people there, mostly old fellows, made eye contact with me when I looked at them though. A stark contrast to how no girl gave me eye contact in the other venues I've visited, even when I look directly into their eyes as they pass me by.

It was actually pretty fun. I met this silly, funny Mexican man standing in line with me and made the woman behind the counter laugh when I admitted I knew nothing about mail and wanted some help. I was smiling and cool about my lack of proficiency though, so I think that made her more comfortable with talking about it. Luckily I now know how to send mail. Woohoo!

After that I went to buy lunch before I headed to the mall to buy new dress pants later that afternoon. Went to the local milk tea place and got a drink and some snacks. Talked to the old woman next to me in line, saying "Hi, how's your day going?" and sort of letting the conversation drift from there because I didn't know where to go. Had the same problem with getting past "How's your day going" in almost every little conversation I've had with new people recently...I should solve that soon.

Rushed over to a cute girl I saw. I think she noticed me coming over and then looked at me with a kind of surprised face. I tried to continue with the opener, "Hey, I just saw you walking over here and wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today."

Don't think I introduced myself since it felt awkward and I just wanted to get out of there, so I gave my standard exit and bid her farewell. Saw a group of three guys all wearing glasses on my way back to my car, and since I wore those eyesight assisting instruments as well, I joked to them that the four of us must be like, glasses bros. I don't they got the joke though so I said "Anyway, have a nice day" and then drove to the mall.

At the outlet mall I went to, as it turns out, there aren't that many hot girls from 1-6 PM on a Wednesday afternoon. Makes sense.

I became really frustrated with my apparent lack of appeal to women. I noticed recently that I didn't seem to be bumping into anyone anymore while I walked, and upon further inspection, realized it was because people were moving out of the way before I even got close to them. Still, I don't see girls stealing glances at me or staring at me.

My fundamentals must have been way more off than I realized. I had to crack down on it, and so kept that in mind. One of my new goals is to work hard on solid fundamentals.

Didn't approach many women. Same problems. "She's not that cute," or "Eh, she looks too young/old," or "I'm going to mess up." Getting tired of repeating the same excuses over and over again. Something needs to be done.

I did realize one thing though. I tried out a different type of compliment, telling girls, "Hey, I just saw you over there and had to come tell you that I love your dress. It's really classy." They seem to smile wider when I give out specific details of what I like instead of an ambiguous "Cute" or "Gorgeous." Let's keep that in mind.

As I was sort of wandering around I realized also that I didn't have much of a game plan. So far my only goals were to go out to a venue and approach at least (3) women. No specific skillsets to target as of yet, just trying out openers like the first couple homework assignments in How to Make Girls Chase suggested. I think I should have more specific plans when I go out and target this more meticulously.

The day wasn't particularly eventful, though I did see some friends of mine with friends of theirs. Realized they all seemed to think I was pretty cool, but I felt really socially out of place. Didn't know how to fit in with all these new people so I drifted in and out of their group when they invited me to walk with them. I'm definitely having a lot of trouble both hooking myself into these new interactions, and getting those I talk with to hook in with me.

I had a lot more reference points, and thus realized it might have been time to start advancing my process.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 7
02/18/2016

Spent a lot of time reading through E's Journal recently, and now feel a better mix of appreciation and awe at the power of grit. I don't know if I would've been able to persist in the face of overwhelming failure like determined did to blow past sticking points, but I'll give it my best shot.

Been trying to figure out my plan for the next few days, and from then, the next few months. For now I'm thinking I'll start by finally finishing off the Newbie Assignment, starting from my closest sticking point at Day 7: Genuine Interest. I'm not very good at giving genuine, sincere compliments; I tend to use more general compliments since I have a hard time pinning down what I like in something. That means it's important I get this skill down early so I'll have a really solid tool in my arsenal as soon as possible.

Also, I think I'll start off by working on three fundamentals in the next month or two. My posture/walk, my fashion, and my voice. I tend to forget to put my shoulders back, keep a straight back, and hold my chin up when I'm sitting or standing, so I'll try to drill it in immediately. My fashion is undergoing a minor upgrade since I already have a few nice shirts and jeans from previous attempts, but I've noticed all I've got for footwear are these dirty running or basketball shoes. No casual shoes, no fancy shoes. If I recall, shoes are actually quite important to men's appearance (and I've started noticing how some women I check out have great outfits that match their shoes, while others look strange when their shoes are totally off).

My goal is to get a nice pair of chelsea boots and casual sneakers by the end of this week. I'd like to get a set of Campers like Chase suggested, since the alternatives I've been looking at aren't quite as good as his suggested design, but we'll see if I can find a store that carries them. Haven't seen any so far. Think I'll try out higher end providers.

As for my voice, it just doesn't sound sexy to me from my perspective. Nobody's been complimenting me on a sexy voice (almost) ever either, so it needs work. Not sure how to train it though...how do I know if I'm doing the voice right?

---

Thinking aside, I went on a short excursion to the park and Target today. The two parks I checked out near my house were almost entirely deserted in the early Thursday afternoon. Should have expected it. At Target I intended to buy some moisturizer to round out the skin care set I was working out, but ended up approaching a few girls too. Didn't expect to find girls cute enough to be worth approaching at such a dead time, so it was a pleasant surprise.

The first girl I intentionally used a situational opener for the first time. I saw her browsing through the canned foods section, so I walked over to stand next to her, and after a brief pause of five-ish seconds, started talking, "Wow...there's so much variety. It's like they have canned food for everything!"

She laughed and seemed to find it friendly. "Yeah, makes it much more convenient," she said. From then on I was a bit lost; where do I go from there? I tried to engage her in some light banter.

"Check this one out," I said after taking a can I found amusing from the bottom shelf. "They put a cheeseburger in a can. Whoever came up with that one was a genius."

Again, she laughed, but didn't seem to hook or be interested in engaging me herself. Need to figure out the process to getting a girl to hook. Eventually she left to go shopping other places, and I decided I wasn't really interested in canned food so I left too.

---

With the second girl I tried out a variation of indirect-direct I hadn't used very much: the shopping version. I saw her earlier, and I think she saw me, but I was too scared to engage. A little while later though I saw her again, this time in the women's panties section. Perfect.

It took me a couple times circling around to find the courage to walk up, and I started doubting myself while walking towards her, but managed to ignore my uncertainty enough to stand right next to her.

I said, "Hey, and to my surprise, she jumped and made a small sound, obviously startled. Weird, I thought she would've noticed me standing next to her...and was "Hey" enough of a pre-opener to get her to look at me? Should I have used a touch on her elbow instead? Hadn't worked out too well for me the few times I tried it, but this could've been the appropriate situation.

Regardless, I tried to keep going. "Do you think they have one of these in my size?" I asked, holding up a pair of panties.

She gave me an uncertain response in both face and words. "Uh...I don't know..."

"I'm kidding," I said. I was proud of the way I said that since I used a bit of a teasing tone. "I just thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that."

Right after I said that she blurted out a "Thank you." I had intended to maybe wait a second before I introduced myself, but maybe this situation was still okay?

"I'm Alex," I said after another moment, giving her my hand. She took it and replied, "I'm K."

"Nice to meet you K." Chase had, if I recalled correctly, once advised I repeat her name to help me remember it. Well, I certainly did! "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Have a nice day!"

After looking through a few of the information snippets I'd read, perhaps I shouldn't be using the "Have a nice day" as my ending. There's just something about it that feels less personal than "It was great meeting you, [NAME]." My gut's telling me to use the latter in the future, so I'll trust it.

---

The last girl I made eye contact with while just walking. She was black and cute, and I think ours eyes sort of met at around the same time. Maybe she was looking first or I was, don't know. Either way I smiled and just held the eye contact until we got close enough to each other, and I heard her mumble a "Hi" under her breath right as she was about to pass me.

I didn't really know what to do, and since I saw a classmate of mine who then saw me right after, I figured I'd try to approach that girl later, if I ever saw her again. Probably not a solid mindset. The "Hi" was likely an approach invitation, if only because she wanted to defuse the awkward tension in the eye contact. Should I have just turned around and ran after her?

Anyways, lucky for me I did see her again. She was in the cleaning supplies section, so I went ahead and asked something ridiculous. "Hey, do you think I can use one of these mops to clean a horse?" I asked.

She looked confused, and asked me back, "Do you have a horse?"

I went to indirect-direct mode. "I'm kidding. I just thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that."

It was definitely awkward after that. She gave me a "Thank you" and I just sort of walked past her, never to see her again. Mistake?

---

Last event of the outing was a genuine compliment. Not to a woman though. I was purchasing my goods at the counter when I noticed the cashier had this really sweet beard, and I commented on it. "By the way, I like your beard, man," I said. "It's got this rugged masculinity to it. Really badass."

Definitely sparked some friendliness in the guy, though I wasn't sure how to build rapport or anything after that. Looking back, there's definitely ways I could improve on my genuine compliment, but I thought it was pretty alright. Next time I have to try it on women.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 8
02/19/2016

I went out to buy Starbucks in the morning. While there I saw a girl in line ahead of me, but she was at the register by the time I got there so couldn't approach straight away. I waited until after I paid for my drink and sat down when I saw her standing near the counter. I observed that her jeans were severely ripped (probably a style) and took a few seconds to gather the cojones to approach.

"Hey," I began, tapping her shoulder after I positioned myself next to her.

She seemed to misinterpret my meaning. "Sorry!" she said, moving aside. I gathered she probably thought I wanted to move through. Perhaps I need to make my pre-opening less startling. Several girls seemed to think I mean "Excuse me I'm passing through" when I pre-open and say "Hey." Perhaps I should try allowing my touch to linger on her for a little while longer?

"I just wanted to comment that, wow, your jeans are really ripped," I continued, ignoring what she said.

We had a brief conversation after that, which was a plus since it was one of few times I got past "hello." I asked her how her day was going, she asked how mine was, standard fare. She asked me whether I was working that day though, to which I now realize I could've used as an opportunity for deep dive. When she mentioned work, I should've asked what kind of work she did, how she liked it, and why she decided to do it among other things. Man, I passed up a great opportunity to get to know her better.

Anyway, I made my interest clear shortly after that. "Yeah, having the day off is pretty great," I said (probably smiling widely--too friendly perhaps?). "It's a special occasion after all."

"Special occasion? What sort?" she asked back.

"Well, I get to meet a cute girl," I replied. I tried to keep a straight, slightly amused but mostly nonreactive face. She seemed to like it.

"Oh wow, is that me? Cause if it's not me I'm going to be embarrassed for asking," she said back. In retrospect, I think I should've realized that since she was contributing to the conversation she probably reached the hook. Damn, first hook and I didn't realize it till after!

"Well, I don't know. I haven't decided yet if that's you," I said as smoothly as possible, mentally patting myself on the back. This conversation went far more smoothly than I expected it to.

From then she got her drinks, and I wasn't sure how to continue the conversation. I should've kept it going while she was getting the drinks; the break made it much more awkward and difficult to continue. I suspect it's similar to how Chase describes the transition between waiting for public transportation and actually getting on being a period where it's important to continue the conversation. Like there, in this case it was a transition to picking up drinks that would make the interaction awkward if I did nothing. Okay, re-engage next time.

Anyway, we parted ways and said farewells after that. I spent the rest of the day hanging out with some friends and watching James Bond movies (while taking notes). In the evening though I realized I had only approached one girl that day and wasn't very satisfied with myself. I wanted to do at least one more.

So I went out to buy some milk tea. I saw a cute girl, but she looked like she was with her husband and kids...made me really nervous about approaching her. However I noticed one of the workers there was also cute, with this really unique shade of gray-platinum hair. I wanted to tell her that, so I figured I'd say it while getting my drink, since it seemed like it would be awkward and unnatural to call her out while she was still working on making drinks.

In the meantime I sat next to these two people, a man and a woman, who I presumed were a couple. They dressed nicely though so I wanted to compliment them as a warm up. "Hey," I said. "I just wanted to say I really like your styles...it has this sort of sophisticated look that's looks really good."

The girl didn't speak English, but luckily I was able to use some of my broken Chinese to tell her "You look very beautiful today." The guy, luckily English speaking, I had friendly conversation with. However, as they left to get their drinks, I wasn't sure what to do so I let the conversation drop. It seems my problem is transitions. Any transition. I have a hard time keeping my thoughts in order and continuing the conversation nonplussed when the people I'm talking to start moving. Need to think about how to solve that.

After that, as the counter girl came to give me my drink, I called out, "Hey." I intended to give her a compliment, but right after I said, "I really like your hair," she turned her back and went back to work. I guess I wasn't attractive enough to hold her attention? Maybe she was under pressure and focused more on her work. Perhaps I should've said, "Whoah, stop. Come back" and then given her the compliment? Agh, no clue what the right answer is.

Instead I turned out, got my drink, and left. I saw another girl who I think might've seen me say stuff, and I used that as an excuse to not approach her. Perhaps I should've. I only would've seen like a friendlier guy, probably. Might be an irrational fear.

Anyway, I then went home and the day was done. Only one real approach.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 9
02/20/2016

Been thinking about the choices I've been making in life lately, and starting to wonder to myself if I really have what it takes to become a master...or whether or not I really want to. I want to be charismatic and good with women, sure, but upon reflection I think I've started to realize that one of my main priorities is finding the emotional satisfaction of a really great girlfriend. Perhaps I should focus my efforts in cold approach to be able to find her first, but then I'll need to learn to manage a relationship, which is a totally different skillset. Need to think about this further. I'll try meditating tonight.

Anyway, had a pretty decent day. I actually made a new friend, which was a totally pleasant surprise. I finally got to tackling Day 7 of the Newbie Assignment as well. Been discovering that, wow, I really enjoy being in social environments a lot more than I used to. I thought I was an introvert. Maybe I was just shy? I suppose we'll see in time.

To start off with, I went to check out the nearby park at 12 PM. Mostly families, not many women by themselves. Not that great of a location. Then I went ahead and drove to a popular mall, which worked out much better. There were lots of cute women, many by themselves, both in the stores and out. I'm not sure how I'd approach in the food court where girls are mainly sitting and often with people, but it could be another option for me.

So anyways, I started off the outing great. While I was a bit shy as I entered, and passed up several beautiful women because I wasn't sure how to approach them in the out-of-the-way areas they were in, I eventually found my balls again. First approached this cute latina, and gave her a simple opener: "Hey, stop for a second...I just saw you walking there, and wanted to come tell you that you look gorgeous today."

She seemed disinterested and about to move on, so I bid her adieu with Chase's suggestion. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Have a nice day!"

Girl (1), check. I feel like I don't catch women's attention or attraction enough, since by looking at them they don't seem interested in what I have to say when it's still pre-opener. Sounds like it's necessary to improve my fundamentals. What if I started going to the gym more often?

---

Don't remember if I approached another girl within ten minutes of the previous one. I vaguely recall something of that nature, but don't remember it clearly enough to say it actually happened. However, I did approach this big woman who I wasn't particularly attracted to but had a great set of colorful hair and I wanted to compliment her. Did not count her in though because she wasn't attractive and I wasn't stating that I was attracted to her.

Then approached this older Asian woman, who looked around her mid 30s. She had this really vibrant and eye-catching set of red pants and purse, which I went ahead to compliment her on. "Hey...I just saw you over there and I wanted to come tell you that I really like your look...the red pants and red purse make it really stand out."

It was an alright compliment, didn't go into too much detail, but it was a solid try at genuine interest. If I was to change anything, I'd probably make it more clear that I thought she looked attractive, like by saying, "It makes you look pretty gorgeous" at the end or something of that nature. Girl (2), check.

---

Anyways, after that I started walking around the stores. Made some brief conversation with the people that wanted to help me out, as well as this one girl with an adorable 2-month husky. That interaction might be really worth analyzing, so let's take a look.

"Hey, stop for a second," I called out as I got close to the girl. "Is that a husky?"

"Yeah," she replied. I asked a few questions, like how old it was (2 months; it was crazy big for a puppy!), what its name and gender was, etc. I think she got kind of uncomfortable by this point because some stranger had walked up to talk to her about her puppy, which she probably had already gotten plenty of questions about. I'd be pretty tired of talking about it in her position. She was sort of cute, but not that much. Still, perhaps I should've asked about her. She particularly seemed uncomfortable when I introduced myself and asked for her name. Was the interaction going to go anywhere anyways? I think maybe I should've established an attraction to her that would've gotten her more interested early on. She then started moving and left, and I didn't stop her, so that was that.

---

The next girl I recall approaching was this tall, Indian girl who looked pretty cute. I went with my standard. I come up from behind her, run for a little bit to catch up so I'm by her side, tap her elbow to pre-open, and follow up with "Hey." I think, however, I have a tendency to pre-open while I'm still behind a girl, which might be startling. I should run up a little in front of her and then pre-open from the side instead so she has a chance to see me.

I then told her, "I saw you over there and I wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today. I'm Alex."

She was really quiet, but her name started with an 'S' and was vaguely snake-like. In fact, as I looked at her eyes and facial structure, I was reminded of a snake. All of which were pretty weird. I bid her adieu with the standard "Anyways, that's all I wanted to say. Have a nice day."

Again, I believe I should fix my farewell line. I should end with "It was great to meet you, X," which I've used a couple times, but instinctually don't. Also, I should introduce myself to everyone I meet and compliment as fast as possible.

Girl (3), check.

---

Sometime after this, while walking down the food court, I saw this buff guy with cool tattoos. I figured, hey, this guy looks pretty cool, I'm going to tell him, "Hey, I like your look. You seem like a badass."

I wasn't as familiar or comfortable with giving genuine compliments to men, but this guy appreciated it. In fact, I actually sat down with him and got to know him a bit. He mentioned an interest in the arts, working out, social interactions, self-improvement, retail, school, raves, shoes, etc., each of which I tried to practice deep diving on. It was slightly weird for me because I rarely deep dive guys and have it in my mind as a tool for women, but I know it works in guy talk too. Did something I don't usually do here, and that's relate my life experiences to what he's saying to build that connection.

Also got his phone number pretty early on, which was also a bit ironic and weird for me. I get my first phone number, and guess what? It's not even a girl's. Not going to count this guy in my goal checklist, but I feel good knowing I made a cool friend.

---

Later I saw a girl, and when my angle of approach didn't go as planned, I hesitated, then gave up and moved on. However, as I thought about it, I got frustrated that I let her go just because my angle wasn't perfect, so I went right back to find her. Instead I saw a different girl and went to approach her.

"Hey, stop for a second...I just saw you walking there," I began. She seemed suspicious and made a little "Yeah," like she expected me to try and sell her something.

"And I wanted to come tell you that you look really cute today. I'm Alex," I finished. She actually looked pleasantly surprised and started smiling, so I suppose I broke her expectations? In retrospect, she gave me her name and I definitely got the vibe that she liked the compliment, so maybe I really should've stayed a little longer to continue the interaction. Damn.

Girl (4), check.

---

Left the mall then, went to the nearby street and shopping area, which was also fairly popular. Along the way I encountered a salesgirl who tried to sell me moisturizer products. I was put off by it, and despite her efforts, refused to really listen or give in to her frame because I was afraid she might make me buy her product. I feel like that was how it might've felt to be a girl when a guy was trying to pick her up. She persisted, she insisted her frame, and continued trying to get me to do what she wanted, just as the guy would when he's pulling a girl. I think that I should take her as an example to how I should be when pulling a girl. Here's a few things I noticed her doing:

1) Compliance. She told me to hold out my hand so she could stroke it with her product. Also brings in touch and sensuality, which might led to sexuality. Several times she also asked me to do other things.

2) Frame Control and Yes Ladder. She had this frame that her product would be excellent for me, I wanted X and Y, etc. and pushed it on me that her product would be great. I didn't really know how to object or retake control of the frame, and she kept asking questions that pressured me to answer "yes." I knew that if I kept conceding to her frame by saying "yes" I'd lose, so I just stopped responding. Perhaps I could've broken her out of it by staring at her intensely and shifting the frame to something else, like a personal topic by saying, "You have beautiful eyes..."

3) Us v.s. World, more frames. My primary objection was that I didn't have the money, so she countered by offering me a discount. I kept refusing so she eventually lowered it to a 66% percent discount, which was probably a good deal, but I didn't know enough about the product to invest my funds in it so I refused to buy. However, as I continued my objection she kept countering and creating the frame that she was on my side, wanted to help me, etc. It would be very effective in winning me over to trust in her if I wasn't seeing what was going on!

Now I get what Chase means by Sales having commonalities with Pickup! I should definitely look into being smooth like this salesgirl.

---

So I finally was able to get to the nearby shopping plaza/area. I had grown a bit insecure because I realized one of the primary fundamentals that was messing me up: my complexion. The salesgirl earlier pointed out I had some problems with my face, which I realized must've been lowering my attraction. Girls with acne and facial problems tend to turn me off, so it's probably the same for girls. Moreover, all the hottest guys and girls I see or know of tend to have pretty clean faces with good complexions. This is a problem that's definitely going to jump up in priority.

Regardless, I was determined to at least be social. So I walked into a couple of stores, gave a genuine compliment to a couple guys, made small talk, and just tried to keep going. Eventually I went to the Pinkberry in the center and stood in line next to this cute girl. I opened her situationally since I didn't know how to go direct while standing next to her in line already. "Hey, do you know what's good here?" I asked. It was a real question too; I had never been to Pinkberry and wanted to know more.

She replied with her opinion, and I just took it with a smile and a few lines of small talk. I think I should've asked for her name, how her day was going, etc. too, but it felt awkward to delve deeper when my opener was so on the surface like that. Perhaps I should've opened more directly and been clear about my interest so it would be more natural to ask her questions to get to know her.

Anyway, made pals with the guy at the register. I tried to be warm, friendly, and bring some energy. I think I made an impression since he had a very friendly reaction as well, and in retrospect I realize I treated him like a friend even though we just met. I should up that and start treating the people I meet like my best friend (really warmly), instead of just a friend (just warmly).

The girl then brought me my order, and called me out to snap me out of my funk while I was thinking. I recovered though, and noticed her staying at the counter for a little bit while I got my order so I took the opportunity to compliment her, "Hey, before you go...I really like your nose piercings. They make you stand out."

She enjoyed the compliment, but I forgot to introduce myself. It felt like it would be strange when we had a worker-customer precedent going on. Is there any way to take away that frame and set a more personal one? Possibly by introducing myself. Damn.

Anyway, we talked for a little bit about it, and at the very end I commented, "Yeah, they make you look really cute" and bid her adieu. I think I might have said, "It was great to meet you," but I don't remember.

I suppose that counts at genuine interest girl (5), right?

---

Then I don't remember if I approached any more girls at that area or the mall. I chickened out on quite a few, actually, especially ones when the girl was with a friend. I should research on how to handle that scenario.

Started driving home, but went to Trader Joe's on my way back. I figured I probably could make an excuse that I wanted to buy something, but I really just wanted to approach a girl. However, when I got there I chickened out and made excuses that the girls weren't very cute (which most of them weren't). Some also looked like under 18 teenagers, which made me nervous because I felt like I would be a creep. Still forgetting that I'm under 18 myself.

Instead I talked to an old woman next to me and the cashier, had a little bit of fun and tried to be warm and friendly. Definitely a lot easier to be social, and I'm starting to get how to be social with everyone. I think I'll try to make a habit of it by doing it all the time every day.

After that went to get a haircut. Had a conversation with the hairstylist there, though there was a bit of a language barrier. However, I did deep dive a little bit. Let's take a look at the topics we covered...

Family, school, origin.

Hmm, it was a surprisingly long conversation for only three topics. At least 15 minutes. Well then, what else could we have talked about? I could asked about...

Dreams, travelling, hobbies, food, her culture and experiences, etc. Lots of stuff. Man, I've gotta keep these things in mind so I don't blank out and let the conversation run off because I feel like I don't know what to say. It happens far to often.

---

Went to Chipotle to get dinner after that, chatted a bit with the workers there. Gave another genuine compliment, but this time to a classmate of mine who happened to also be there. We'll call her W.

"Hey, I love your hair, W," I said.

She smiled. "Yeah, a lot of people have been commenting on it."

"Can I see?" I asked. To my surprise, she actually invited me to touch her hair. Wow, so this was compliance! Great!

"It's definitely this unusual color...purple? I almost didn't recognize you," I continued.

"Yeah, that and blue." Don't recall if she said anything other than that, but it might have been somewhat self-deprecating, which prompted my next response.

"Well, W, it's really unique and makes you stand out," I said. She gave a thank you, but I continued to my finish by being a bit more explicit about what I thought. "Yeah, you look pretty."

We continued chatting for a little bit, but I didn't know what else to say. What could I have asked her about? What could we have talked about? Let's figure it out.

I could've asked about her break, and what she was doing. Then tried to find out more about what her answers were, how she did whatever activities they were, and why she was doing them. Also could've talked about what she wanted to do after we came back to school, her dreams, stuff she didn't do but wanted to, regrets, etc. Definitely not homework; that's the most boring topic I can think of. But lots of deep dive potential. There definitely is so much we can talk about that I just don't think about in the moment.

Anyway, I bid her farewell because I didn't know what else to talk about.

---

Along the way to my car I saw this pretty girl, and while she was walking towards me, I stood in front of her and slightly to the side. I think this position might be good because I wasn't directly in front of her, which is intimidating, and was slightly on the side instead. Furthermore, I was still facing her which would catch her attention.

I stopped her by saying, "Hey, stop for a second...I just saw you walking there and wanted to come tell you that you were ge-gorgeous today."

I stumbled over my words because I started saying some gibberish rather than gorgeous, but I think it came off as a genuine compliment. Hopefully. She was happy about it and thanked me. I told her to have a nice day. Should've introduced myself again, stopped her from continuing and getting the interaction to continue?

Girl (6), check.

---

Then I went home and the outing was over. There was something else I noticed: I'm nervous when I approach, and often talk fast. It doesn't seem to impede understanding, but it definitely doesn't show relaxation. I need to focus on talking slower when I open and have a conversation.

Definitely did well on this genuine interest day. Newbie Assignment Day 7, complete!

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 10
02/21/2016

Tackled Day 8 of the Newbie Assignment today.

Went to another nearby university which I hadn't explored before on a Sunday afternoon. Weren't that many girls, but plenty enough options to approach. Began to wonder to myself though: How do I approach girls who are laying down?

I resolved to meet three goals to myself today:

1) Approach (2) girls sitting down with the "Sudden Notice" opener

2) Stick around for longer than the opener with every approach

3) Touch the girls I met lightly

---

First girl I approached was at the crosswalk. I was walking towards her, and I reached where she was, I opened with: "Hey, I just wanted to come tell you that you have this beautiful shade of brown hair."

Once again, I believe I paused to quickly. I should've introduced myself RIGHT AFTER the opener so she doesn't have to fish around for an awkward "Thank you," which she did. Regardless, she introduced herself as B.

I asked her, "So what are you up to today, B?"

"Oh, I'm just going to my brother's house," she said. I didn't know how to respond to that.

I wasn't much interested in her brother, but I believe I could've continued the conversation by asking, "What are you going to be doing at your brother's house?"

But I didn't. So we bid each other adieu (though I managed to use "Nice to meet you" instead this time). I wonder how I can get girls hooked, interested, and willing to stick around and talk to me? Fundamentals?

---

Second girl was one sitting down. I walked by, pretended I just noticed her, and opened with, "Hey, I saw you sitting there and wanted to come tell you that you have gorgeous hair."

Waited to introduce myself again after "Thanks," which might have been a mistake. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Oh, I was just about to leave actually."

I didn't know what to do or say then, so I just answered, "Ok, perfect. I was just about to take a seat. Mind if I steal your table?"

Gah, that doesn't further the interaction at all! So, she left.

Still, sitting down approach (1) done.

---

Started walking around, then saw third girl from a distance. We were walking towards each other, so I waited until we got closer. Then I held up my hand and told her to stop for a second.

"Hey, I saw you walking there and wanted to come tell you that you have really gorgeous hair," I said. My compliments have been very generic lately...I don't know what else to compliment girls on beside their hair. Their styles weren't all that great, and their facial features were pretty, but I wasn't sure about how to word a compliment on that. Perhaps, "I saw you there and had to come tell you that your facial features are really graceful...it's a very alluring look."

Anyway, I kept the conversation going past "Hello." Not sure if I asked what she was doing, but I did ask for directions to the science building. Which was a start, I suppose.

---

Girl four was my next sit-down approach. I was walking by when I saw her sitting in a patio, so I changed my route to come near her. As I walked by, although nervous, I did the "Just noticed" opener.

"Oh, hi!" I said, holding my hand up to catch her attention like Chase said. "I just saw you there and wanted to come tell you that you have really gorgeous brown hair."

"Thanks," she answered. I then introduced myself, holding my hand out.

"I'm Alex, by the way."

"Oh, I'm L," she replied, reciprocating my handshake.

"So what are you doing?" I asked. She told me that she was applying for internships, which I tried deep diving about.

I asked if they were at the university, to which she replied no. I then asked her what her dream job was, to which she replied she didn't know. I suppose I should've taken the hint that this was a bad topic and moved on, but maybe I could've implemented a sexual frame? Like, "Oh, I bet you'd be a great sexy secretary."

Anyway, after she said no I didn't know where to go and let the conversation die out. How was I supposed to talk about jobs and internships, which I suspected were pretty boring? What other topics could I have easily transitioned to? Gah! Oh, maybe I should've done a cold read. Like, "I think you're the type of girl that would be a terrible accountant, because you'd be flirting with all the boys all the time."

Still, sitting down approach (2), done.

---

Headed towards the library after that. Saw a cute girl sitting down, so I approached her with the "Sudden Notice" opener.

"Oh, hi!" I said.

"Hi," she replied.

"I just saw you there and wanted to tell you that you have marvelous clothes. It's a great style." When in doubt, copy Chase.

"Oh thank you," she said.

This time I got cold feet and bid her adieu without sticking around or even introducing myself. Damn. I also shouldn't have gone on a whole spiel about "Seeing her there" and whatnot. I just noticed her, damnit!

Sitting girl (3), done.

---

Later sat down to relax, and saw these girls pass by with beautiful butts. I was too afraid to get off my seat and get the hell over there to say "hi" though. Felt too intimidating. I need to find some more information and just do it next time.

Anyway, once I got up, I walked towards another part of the library and saw a girl sitting down. Did the "Sudden Notice" opener again.

"Hi!" I said, pretending to just notice her. "I just saw you there and wanted to tell you that you look really cute today."

She thanked me, but I didn't introduce myself or stick around. Now I kinda feel bad. I'm pussying out way too much.

Sitting girl (4) done.

---

Then went up to sit next to a dude, said "Hi, how's your day going?"

His name was W, and I found out he was doing math homework but liked English and History. Could I have deep dived here? Sure, let's figure out three ways I could've gotten to know him better.

1) Ask about his current major or intended major, and why he chose it.

2) How he enjoyed studying at the university, and then, why he decided to study there.

3) Cold read him, saying "You look like a guy who can lay a smackdown on the basketball court," to get to know his hobbies and interests.

So many ways to go about it that I didn't realize in the moment!

Either way, it got awkward and I eventually left.

---

As I was leaving the library, I saw a cute girl walking up the stairs. I stopped her with my hand up and said, "Hey, I just wanted wanted to tell you that you have this really outstanding look...the blonde hair and bright pink shirt make you really vibrant and stand out."

She seemed pretty pleased with the compliment, but started to move away and leave. I guess I didn't hook her in to continue wanting to talk to me? Maybe I should've demanded she stayed. Anyway, I quickly introduced myself to her and watched as she departed. How could I have gotten her to stay? Let's think of three ways.

1) Ask her another question, like "What are you up to today?"

2) Demand she give me some compliance, like "Hey, come closer. I want to take a closer look at your hair." (Probably need better fundamentals for this).

3) Physically grab her wrist (gently or firmly?) and tell her to stay for just a second longer.

Yup, looks like I need to work on demanding compliance to get hooks.

---

As I left the university, feeling pretty happy for approaching several girls but also disappointed with myself for not even having a conversation with any of them, I realized I was walking with this man for a little while already. So I said, "Hey, how's your day going? ...Looks like we're going to be walking for awhile, so I thought I'd say hi."

It turns out he was a pretty cool dude. Worked in internet security, was later going to be studying for his third masters at Berkeley later this year in an obscure topic he was passionate about. Also very religious, which I didn't expect. I tried to deep dive and get to know him, which I felt I did a decent job of. I got to know his philosophy and view of the world, as well as some of the past. I think I could've done better if I related more about my own experiences to build that connection.

---

Newbie Assignment Day 8, complete!

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 11
02/22/2016

Back to school today. By the end of the day I was really struggling with motivation to approach, but I knew I had to try so I went out anyways. I resolve to at least make it to 30 days of going out every day so I develop a habit of cold approach.

Social circle interactions I'm recording in a private journal, but here's my cold approaches today. I had to give my car maintenance today too, so I skipped Day 9 of the Newbie Assignment and went straight to Day 10. I'll be going back to handle Day 9 tomorrow because I'll have more time.

---

It was really hard for me to approach that first girl. I saw her standing in line at the cafe, and I went up to the register next to her. I thought it'd be weird to approach while we were both making orders, so I thought to myself, "I'll finish ordering this, then open her afterwards when we're both done."

Instead we finished, but she ended up next to me and I found myself at a loss for words. So I didn't approach. But, feeling guilty, I circled back and approached her. "Hey, quick question," I began, pre-opening her. "Are you single?"

"Uh, no," she said.

I smiled and tried to play it off. "Okay, just curious," I replied. I then asked her about where the orders were being taken, and feeling awkward, left to another part of the coffee shop.

"Are you single" girl (1), done.

---

While getting my order from the counter, I noticed the girl working there was cute. So I surprised myself by opening her fairly quickly. "Hey, before you go," I said, "Are you single?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?" she replied. She was smiling and clearly pleasantly surprised by the question.

"Just curious," I said with a laugh. I decided to compliment her because it felt right, "You're very pretty today, by the way. Have a nice day."

In retrospect, I think I wanted to compliment her to qualify her as a reward for complying and saying, "Yes."

"Are you single" girl (2), done.

---

As I left I saw another cute girl who looked a little older, and surprising myself again, I approached pretty quickly. I lightly jogged to catch up to her, and tapped her elbow. Don't remember if I did a proper pre-open. Should focus on it more.

"Hey, quick question," I said. I waited a second because it felt right. "Are you single?"

"Yes," she answered, saying something else I don't recall. To my surprise she was also smiling and pretty happy. I don't get this response with my other openers--I must be doing something wrong there, because "Are you single" works really well so far!

I introduced myself, she introduced herself as J.

"Okay, just curious," I said. Gave her a compliment as well. "You look really pretty today."

"Oh, thanks. That's so nice of you!" she exclaimed. J seemed really happy. Maybe I could've taken it further? I'm not sure if that was an "awww" reaction or "Ohmygosh he is so hot" reaction, but I suppose going for results and compliance is the only way I'll find out.

"Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Have a nice day!" I said, exiting.

Things I could improve on here:

1) Did not stick to a potentially good interaction. I could've asked, "What are you up to today?"

2) Ask for compliance. I think she was wearing jewelry, so I could ask to see it.

3) Give a better compliment. Mine was too general. I could've given genuine interest like, "Your style is marvelous. It has this really alluring look to it."

Anyway, "Are you single" girl (3), done.

---

It took me awhile to find another girl to finish it all off. I passed up a couple because I got anxious. However, as I was walking, I saw a cute girl and told myself it was time.

"Hey, stop for a second," I said, holding my hand up. "I have a quick question for you: are you single?"

"Um, no," she said, looking a little weirded out.

I smiled and laughed. "Okay, thanks. Just curious."

"Are you single" girl (4), done.

---

Newbie Assignment Day 10, done!

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 12
02/23/2016

During off hours, I really hate public transportation. I can see why it'd be an efficient method of approach, but since it's actually inconvenient for me to use it (and migraine inducing), I think I'll pass on it in the near future.

Went back in time to tackle Day 9 of the Newbie Assignment today. Now know the power of social momentum. Spent some time talking to random guys, practiced deep diving. In general there's a few things I've learned

1) Ask "What do you like about that?"

2) Pay more attention to people's names. Repeat it and try to remember them.

3) Listen to the content of people's responses more to figure out deep dive topics. Try to remember what he or she says.

---

I startled a girl at the very beginning. I walked next to her but I don't think she noticed me, and she jumped when I tapped her shoulder. Obviously I need to move closer next to the girls I approach and more in front so they see me.

---

The first girl I approached after getting off a stop. She was sitting and waiting for the bus, so I came, sat next to her, and asked, "Going anywhere interesting?"

She didn't speak English very well, so our conversation was a bit stilted. But I spent a lot of time practicing my deep dive and communication. Eventually it came time for her to leave, which I was okay with because I didn't find her all that attractive, but to my surprise she stayed to ask for my number. And unfortunately for the poor girl, she missed her bus! Wow, I got my first number, even if it's a girl I don't really want to go out with. I'm definitely improving.

Three things I can take from that interaction:

1) Establish more sexual tension. You maintained a pretty friendly vibe, interested in what she had to say, but didn't create much sexuality. I couldn't feel a great chemistry between us.

2) Get some compliance. I was talking to her, but I didn't ask her to move, invest in me, or do anything for me. I need to get more investment in the interaction.

3) Learn to tease and banter more. I don't recall doing much banter at all with this girl, though I think I did. Nonetheless, I should be able to readily do some lighthearted teasing in almost any situation.

Mass transit approach (1), done.
---

The second girl I approached was a cute black woman. I saw her earlier, but I hesitated and did not approach then. So, after feeling guilty, I came back and opened situationally. In retrospect she probably knew I came to talk to her. I should've been direct the first time around and not hesitated.

I got better at deep diving here. Told her I liked her scarf, asked about it, which led to talking about her work in a law firm and aspiration to be a paralegal. Deep dived a bit more, but she kept looking at her phone. It signaled to me that she wasn't very interested in the interaction.

Things I can learn here:

1) Work on your voice. You had a bit of a rasp in your opening, which was probably unattractive.

2) Get her more invested in the interaction to hook her. Maybe ask her to show me something or move?

3) Be ready to approach any time, especially when you unexpectedly see a cute girl!

4) More sexual tension, establish that sexual vibe.

5) Deep dive opportunities:
-"What do you like about working in the law?"
-"Why did you decide to study law, of all the options available? Why not accounting or medicine or science? Why law?"
-"What sorts of things do you do when you're not working?"

6) Create more proximity. Sit next to her, get her to sit next to you, etc. Don't be all the way across from each other if the interaction is moving forward.

Mass transit girl (2), done.
---

I definitely felt really shitty when I went out today, but pleasantly surprised by how well it went. My cold approach is getting more relaxed and I'm getting into longer interactions. In the future I aspire to try and make every approach lead into at least a 30-second long conversation. Maybe more!

Newbie Assignment Day 9, complete.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 13
02/24/2016

Tackling both Day 11 and Day 12 of the Newbie Assignment today. Went to the university downtown, walked around and observed people's reactions. Few to no women were looking at me, but people did move out of my way. I probably looked intimidating.

Took a video of myself walking once I came home, and wow, posture is alright but walk is absolute shit. No wonder girls weren't staring at me! Going to be working on my walk at home today.

---

Several of the girls were a bust. I'd walk up to a cute one, say, "Hey, quick question: Are you single?" and they all said "No, I have a boyfriend."

Very frustrating. They also started walking away immediately afterwards, except for one girl who seemed flattered but was married. The conversation with those girls ended pretty quickly overall. I did, however, try to play it cool and not react to them being taken. I usually followed up with the indirect-direct, "I just thought you were cute and had to come meet you."

Indirect-direct girl (1),(2),(4),(5), and (6) were all taken. I also did a couple of other approaches, like a few girls sitting down, a few I opened situationally because I intended to ask "Are you single" but realized they really weren't as attractive from the front, and one genuine interest opener. Either I was unlucky today, or something is really off about my vibe.

A few lessons to be learned:

1) Move more in front of women, make sure you're in their vision before you tap their shoulder. You startled several poor girls today.

2) Figure out how to have a sexier walk; no girls were really looking at you.

3) Try to become state independent by opening right off the bat rather than walking around for awhile first like you did today.

4) Raise your eyebrows less and try to have sexier eye contact.

5) Don't look down when you're approaching a girl. Look straight forwards before you turn your head to her.

6) Remember not to look at a girl first. Let her look at you.

---

One of the indirect-direct approaches I did was this girl laying down and reading a book. I came up beside her, and when she looked over, said, "Hey, do you know where X building is around here?"

She looked over to the building literally right next to where we were, and said, "Oh, it's over there."

I smiled. "I'm know, I'm kidding," I said. "I just thought you were cute and wanted to come introduce myself."

I asked her what she was doing today, learned she was studying before she headed off to Tai Chi class (which surprised me, since I actually knew a little bit about Tai Chi). I tried deep diving her, but I've noticed recently that it seems like I ask too many questions. A girl called me out on asking so many of them, actually, and at that moment I realized I wasn't relating nearly enough to make it seem natural. I was turning my conversations into interviews. No, no, that's a flaw that needs to be addressed.

I made the mistake here again though. She talked about her classes, and I asked her about her dream in life. I felt like I could've been more smooth about it.

Instead of saying, "So, what's your dream job?" which sounds a bit forced, I think I could've said, "Okay, so you're not going to be a martial arts superhero. What do you want to do in your future? What would be your dream occupation?"

I've noticed that people sometimes have a hard time understanding what I'm trying to say because I make it too complicated in my words. I'll try to sure less complex and simpler sentences to start conveying my meaning more clearly.

I got her number at the end, but she offered to get coffee as "just friends" because she had a boyfriend. Dead end number then, but I accomplished my goal of eventually getting one number! Still, doesn't feel as glamorous as I hoped it would be. Oh well.

Things to learn:

1) Tease more and learn to banter. I don't think I did much of that in the interaction at all.

2) Speak slower and in simpler sentences. Don't be forced with the deep dive.

3) Learn to relate back to what she says!

Longest interaction I had by far, but also way better than most of my other approaches. It's hard to see, but I think I'm getting better.

---

Overall, today made me realize that my fundamentals are in need of serious improvements. My walk, eye contact, and vibes specifically. I'm going to try to figure out a plan for handling them.

Day 11 and Day 12 of the Newbie Assignment, complete.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 14
02/25/2016

Going out is hard. It almost feels like a chore. I have to persist. Almost half way to 30 days.

Went to the mall today. Despite it being almost empty at 5-6 PM on a Thursday evening, I saw several cute girls that I wanted to approach. Many alone. Is there a real demographic change? Or, perhaps, this is indicative that my perspective has shifted. Is it that I'm less fixated on one girl and now have the capacity to appreciate the beauty of other women? I certainly hope so.

Tackled Day 13 of the Newbie Assignment today. I'll be needing a new set of tasks to take care of as soon as I finish the Newbie Assignment to keep me occupied with goals to accomplish. I'll try taking a look at the Beginner's E-Book Chase constructed.

The goal today was to tease girls. I was a bit scared of it because I was paranoid that I wouldn't be able to think of anything to tease a girl on and it would end horribly, but it went better than expected.

A few lessons to remind myself:
1) Remember to establish a sexual vibe
2) Don't raise your eyebrows so much, be calmer
3) Cut the antics
4) Speak slower
5) Enunciate better
6) Don't look down; look forward or up

---

As soon as I entered, my goal was to start approaching as soon as possible. As it were, I saw a cute girl standing by herself almost right as I got to the mall, so I walked up next to her and did a "Just Notice" approach.

"Oh, hi!" I said. "Quick question: are you single?"

"No," she answered, looking a bit distant and standoff-ish.

I tried rolling with it. "Okay, I just thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that."

She apparently didn't hear me or something, because she asked me to repeat myself. The rest of the interaction wasn't particularly good, and she didn't appear interested in the slightest, so I bid her farewell.

---

After the first girl I felt a lot less motivated. I walked around for a bit, trying to find the balls to approach but couldn't again. I was afraid of rejection. Eventually though I managed to get over it, and seeing a cute girl shopping, I decided to approach her.

"Hey," I said, holding up something clearly not designed for men. "Do you think they have one of these in my size?"

She asked me to repeat myself, looking incredulous. Probably didn't believe I was asking that. So, with a serious expression, I said it again.

"Uh, yeah," she answered, sounding unsure.

"I'm kidding," I said, bringing a smile to her face. "I just thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that. I'm Alex."

"I'm S," she replied. Usually this was where I would run away from the interaction, but I had to stay for at least one tease.

"What are you up to today, S?" I asked, trying to find something I could tease her on.

She said, "Just shopping."

Remembering Chase's example, I tried to make something work. "I can see that you're getting ready to shop a whole lot."

After a couple lines of banter, I then teased that she was a girl that would take advantage of guys and make them carry her bags. Soon after that I didn't know where to go with the conversation and it kinda fizzled out, so I excused myself.

Lessons to learn here:
1) Establish more of a sexual frame, especially with the teasing.
-"Your bag doesn't look too big. You sure you're here to shop for clothes? ...or, perhaps it's handsome men you're looking for?"
-"Yeah, I can see that you're totally thinking about making me your new slave to carry your bags and play with once you get home."
-"Mmmn, shopping for something to 'service' you, I see."

2) Stick around longer in the conversation. Deep dive!
-"You said you came here after work...what is work for you, exactly?"
-"So you're not a shopaholic. What kinds of things do you do for fun?"
-"You a local to these parts, or do you hail from faraway lands?"

3) Ask for a number!

Tease girl (1), done.

---

After that I approached a girl sitting down with the "Sudden Notice" opener.

"Oh, hi!" I said. "I just saw you sitting there and wanted to tell you that you look really cute today. I'm Alex."

"Hi, I'm D," she replied.

"So what are you doing today?" I asked, once again looking for something to tease her on.

"Oh, well, I've gotta get back to work in a minute," she said, pointing towards her booth.

I nodded. "Ah, so now you're slacking off," I teased.

"Yup," she agreed. From then I didn't know what to do, so I bid her farewell.

Lessons to learn:
1) Keep the opener more natural. If you're going to go with "Sudden Notice," don't go on that grounding spiel.
2) Deep dive!
-Ask her about the place she works at, how she likes it, etc.
3) Teasing
-"I suppose your boss can't be to happy you're ditching work to flirt with handsome men"

Tease girl (2), done.
---

Then approached a girl I saw walking along.

"Hey," I said, tapping her shoulder. I tried getting in front of her so she'd hopefully see me. "I just saw you walking there and had to come tell you that I love your look...it's got this sophisticated style to it..."

"In flip flops," she quickly replied.

I smiled at the show of wit; this girl was fun. "In flip flops," I agreed. "I'm Alex, by the way."

"J," she replied. Right, time to tease.

"So what are you up to today?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm just going to go meet some friends at Victoria's Secret," she answered.

At this point I figured I could try to roll with that. "To buy panties, I presume," I replied. Perhaps not the best tease, and I knew it, but better than nothing.

J laughed. "Maybe. I'm just going there to meet them and hang out," she said.

"Oooh, a date at Victoria's Secret. Scandalous," I said. Not too terrible, I suppose.

Shortly after I didn't really know what to say so I decided to bow out of the interaction, but I'm pretty certain I put a smile on her face for the rest of the day.

Lessons:
1) Tease better. Make it more sexy!
-"Ah, Victoria's Secret. So that's where you get your sexy outfit to catch dashing young men."
-"Isn't it a bit of a mismatch to wear flip flops with a dress like that? Or maybe there's something you know that I don't."
-"Ha, that meeting spot suits you. I can already see you're thinking about kidnapping me and making me J's (your) dirty little secret."

2) Deep dive.
-"You come to the mall often?"
-"What sorts of friends do you have? What do you like about them?"
-"Where are you coming from that you're dressed so sexily?"

3) Say her name more often when talking to her. It will help me remember.
-"Hi, J!" after learning her name.
-"So what are you up to today, J?"
-"That's interesting, J, blah blah blah"

Tease girl (3), done.

---

One more girl was walking when I approached her. I think I could've ran more ahead of her so she noticed me better.

"Hey, I just saw you walking there and had to come tell you that you look really cute today," I opened. She smiled.

"Thanks," she said.

"I'm Alex by the way," I introduced myself, holding my hand out.

"I'm G," she replied.

"So what are you up to today?" I asked, going with my current standard.

"I'm just shopping for clothes before I go back to Mexico tomorrow," she answered.

Now this was interesting. I decided to try and tease her with the first thing that popped into my head. "Yeah, I can see you're also about to pick up a boy and take him back to Mexico with you today."

We had a couple of lines of more banter, but I eventually got uncomfortable and unsure of how to continue so I bid her adieu. However, I do think I did a decent enough job of staying composed.

Lessons:
1) Hold her hand gently, don't shake it but act like you're about to kiss it...only don't kiss to build up the tension.

2) Deep dive.
-"You come from Mexico? Well, how come you're in California today? What made you decide to come here?"
-"You know, you speak English really well. Where'd you learn it?"
-"Do you enjoy living in Mexico? If so, what sorts of things do you like?"

3) Tease
-"Ha, yeah, I can see you're already eyeing me as one of your goods for tonight."
-"What are you shopping for? Sexy dresses, lingerie, men? What's your thing?"
-"What's your favorite thing about California? If it's hipsters I'm jumping off a cliff and landing on a samurai sword."

Tease girl (4), done.

---

Another interesting approach at Guess while I was shopping for a new jacket. Saw this girl in this incredible black dress with a red pattern and decided to approach her.

"Oh, hi!" I began, using the "Sudden Notice" opener. "I have to say, I really love your look. It's got this naughty look to it that's very sexy."

She laughed and smiled.

"So what are you doing today?" I asked.

"Just working," she answered.

I took it as another opportunity to tease. "And attracting all the men to your store," I attempted.

She laughed again, and just kind of looked at me. In retrospect, from her lack of response but still positive response, she could have been really attracted. I might've been able to number close or something right there. Instead I got uncomfortable and decided to make my exit.

Damn, maybe that girl was really into me!

Lessons:
1) If the girl isn't giving much of a response but you have the feeling she's interested, ask for some compliance. Get her to move, show you something, etc.

2) Deep dive
-"So how do you like working here? What else would you do if you had the opportunity...or is this your dream job?"
-"You seem like an adventurous girl. Do you like exciting experiences?"
-"Are you a local to these parts, or do you hail from faraway lands?"

3) Stick around. Lightly touch her.

---

I approached a few other girls before, after, and in-between the interactions I've put down here. The thing is they weren't particularly memorable or were rejections. Something that I've learned though:

1) Stop hesitating. Be ready to approach any second. ESPECIALLY when you see a cute girl making eye contact with you. That's an approach invitation, bro.

In any case, there's a lot to take away from today. I hope, by writing all this data down, I'll be able to process more some other day when I have time and really improve my game.

Day 13 of the Newbie Assignment, complete.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 15
02/26/2016

Really didn't do as well as I hoped today, but made it halfway to 30 days. I'm determined to build a habit of approaching women by 30 days, and from then, really start cracking down on improving my results. For now it's more important that I do something rather than nothing every day.

Went to the mall with the intent of improving my fashion today. There were plenty of cute girls, but many of them were in groups with friends or male companion. I was pretty intimidated by those approaches so I didn't do them. I think one of my new goals has got to be approach (4) girls who are not alone one of these days so I get over this fear.

One more thing: I've gotten rejected a lot today. There must be something wrong with my approach or my fundamentals. The goal was to handle Day 14 of the Newbie Assignment and ask (4) women for their phone numbers. Somehow, by the skin of my teeth, I got the balls to eventually pull it off...but I got rejected every time. Surprisingly it doesn't feel too terrible. Perhaps that's a bad thing I don't feel awful about getting rejected. Or maybe not. I should look into it.

---

Several girls I opened today I'd walk up beside them, tap them on the elbow, and then give the opener. Most of the girls I met would be flattered by the compliment, but look increasingly uncomfortable and seek to create distance between us as I tried continuing the interaction. Do I seem creepy? If so, that's something that needs to be handled.

Others dismissed me outright, which I suppose I can't help much. I could try to persist more with women and not give up so quickly when they don't respond with extreme warmth. I don't know.

---

Most of my interactions ran rather shortly, and very similarly. That tells me something about the way I handle approaches must be off.

They'd start with something direct, like "Hi, I just saw you walking there and had to come tell you that you have this gorgeous look," or "Hey, quick question: are you single?"

Then the girl, flattered, would say thanks. I'd introduce myself, she'd tell me her name, and then I'd try to move the interaction further. "So what are you up to today, NAME?"

"I'm just shopping," or "I was about to go home," or "I'm heading back to work," were the common responses I remember getting. Sometimes I'd walk with the girl to continue the interaction because I could see her trying to keep walking along. My presentation must be awful. Women don't want to stick around and talk to me--another red light that I'm possibly coming off as creepy.

At that point I'd try something else to continue the interaction: a deep dive, a tease, or asking for investment.

For the deep dive, which I usually used with girls who were heading to work, I'd ask, "So what's work?"

The problem with that particular one was the girl never seemed particularly enthusiastic about continuing to talk and I'd just get demotivated and exit.

Girls who said they were shopping I tried teasing. "Yeah, I can tell. I hope you left something for the other shoppers," I'd said, or "Huh, your bag doesn't look that big. You sure you're shopping for products? ...or perhaps you're looking to find a dashing man in the aisles instead."

And finally, with girls who said they had to go home, I'd ask to see something they were wearing. "That's a nice purse you've got there. May I see it?" for example, or "I like your bracelet. Let me have a look?"

Consistently, after a couple lines of deep diving or teasing or a bit of investment then I'd get increasingly uncomfortable, especially after seeing how uncomfortable the girl looks, and feel pressure to exit (which I often caved in to).

I'm really curious about what it is that's throwing me off so badly!

---

Still, for 4 of the dozen or so girls I approached I was able to ask them for their number, usually like so after a couple lines of banter:

"So you seem like a cool girl. I'd like to get to know you better. How about we get some coffee sometime?"

To which, so far, all the girls I've approached have said "No, I have a boyfriend."

I'd tried to roll with it of course, saying something like "Ah, then we've gotta make this quick," or "We'll have to keep it a secret then. No one else has to know."

Of course she'd object, and feeling weird, I'd eject myself.

Regardless, despite managing to ask for two numbers in the first hour of the outing and botching it up for the second, I eventually got so frustrated that I asked for the numbers of the last two girls at the last minute in quick succession, ignoring my inability to start connecting with them. Feels good to have persisted and succeeded, but it's a pyrrhic victory. Greater problems with my game have appeared as known enemies that I need to learn to conquer.

All in all, I asked (4) women for their numbers today.

---

Newbie Assignment Day 14, complete.

Newbie Assignment is DONE! Now onwards and upwards to the next challenge.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 16
02/27/2016

I've faced rejection before, but failing today felt much worse than on prior days. It's really hit home how I'm not yet the man I want to be.

I went to the mall today, intending to upgrade my style and cold approaching while I was there. I've completed the Newbie Assignment already, so there wasn't a readily available structured assignment for me to take of anymore. I decided I'd start making my own goals.

I had two facets of my approach I wanted to target: 1) My opener, and 2) The conversation. My direct openers don't usually get that many warm receptions, so the idea was to start wrinkling my nose and smiling slowly as described in Genuine Interest Dynamite. I was to do this when opening (4) women today.

Next I was uncomfortable in keeping conversations going past the opener, so I wanted to start tackling that and getting over it. Thus my second goal was to stick around past the opener and try to stick around beyond my comfort zone with (4) women today. It turned out to be harder than I expected.

---

More times than I remember counting, I'd go ahead and approach a girl, usually with one of my new favorite openers: "Are you single?"

I've found that, more often than not, the girl will reply, "No," look a bit weirded out, and start walking away. They seemed uninterested. I tried to continue talking to them after that, but more often than not they just wouldn't give me much to work with, give an excuse that they're in a rush, or just walk away.

My fundamentals must've been poor for such a high percentage of the women I approach to be uninterested. I definitely need to work on improving that.

---

My first approach of the day was decent, thankfully. I approached a girl sitting down, but quickly realized she was a girl I didn't want to continue talking to. She was loud in a not-so-pleasant way and kept blowing smoke from her cigarette into my face, but I tried sticking around to just accomplish the goal.

I don't remember the interaction all that well, but I didn't really tease her. I jumped right into rapport, asking things like "What's work," and "Do you enjoy doing that?" I think in future interactions I should try for a good blend of both repartee and rapport.

Lessons:
1) Use more banter, show your playful and witty side
2) Pause before giving genuine interest dynamite
3) Establish examples about what you could say after the first couple lines, be more prepared.

Goal girl (1), done.

---

The next girl was a worker at one of the stores I've visited. I have noticed that it seems girls who are working stick around longer, most likely because they have to. It's part of their job to talk to the customer, whereas random shopper girl has no such obligation. I did more teasing in this interaction, but it might have been too accusatory.

After approaching I asked her what she was doing, to which she replied "Working until nine," or something like that.

I decided to try deep diving here. "How do you like working?" I asked. She said it was "alright," but her voice and response showed a lack of enthusiasm.

I called her out on it. "Not really, I can tell," I said. "If not work, then what kinds of things do you enjoy doing? Shopping, picking up boys, what's your thing?"

I saw an opportunity to expand the conversation towards revealing more about herself, and tried it out. I tried setting up for some teasing here. She denied "picking up boys," a little embarrassed, and said that she enjoyed "Soccer" and something about going out with her boyfriend.

I tried to banter some more. "Picking up boys with your boyfriend? Wow, that's a weird hobby," I said, intentionally misconstruing what she said as something else that was outrageous. I continued pushing the frame that she picked up boys with her boyfriend, saying things like "You already admitted it, can't take it back," and bringing it up another time. In retrospect, I may have jumped the shark.

Anyways, at some point I ran out of things to say (after about two minutes), and the conversation just died out. We walked away without saying anything more.

Lessons:
1) Prepare better! Have a couple of examples of a full interaction with a girl in your head so you have a sense of direction.
2) Manage awkward pauses and lulls in the conversation better. Figure out how to best use or deal with them.
3) Don't jump the shark on banter that's gone its course.

Goal girl (2), done.

---

The next girl I got to stick around was another working woman, this time one at Victoria's Secret. I've noticed that I approach working women a lot. I suspect this is because they dress up more than their relaxing compatriots, so I'm more inclined to notice working women as being cute.

She asked me how I was doing, and after a couple lines of polite conversation I decided to ask, "Quick question: are you single?" just to try and get something done. She wasn't, but we continued into a longer conversation.

The girl was a student at the nearby university, was living with her aunt for the week, and worked at the mall on the weekends. I could've deep dived more, and she was smiling and looking interested, but I don't think she really was. Just a gut feeling. I think that she just has a strong social awareness since she was both beautiful and working with customers, so she was probably flattered and able to be socially adroit without being terribly interested.

Regardless, even she found an excuse to leave after a minute or two. My presentation could use some work, definitely.

Lessons:
1) Deep dive
-"Nursing? Interesting. Why nursing? You could've studied science, accounting, history, English, any number of things, but what made you decide nursing was what you wanted?"
-"You go to X school? Wild, I have friends who go there. How come you decided on that school? Of all the universities available, from Y to Z, how come you decided to go to X?"
-"So, besides working and school, how do you spend your time? How do you keep life from getting stale?"
2) Pause, build tension with the pause before your genuine interest dynamite.
3) Learn how to relate better!

Goal girl (3), done.

---

Weirdly, I don't remember who the last girl was. It could've been that young girl I approached who turned out to be 15, which creeped me out and made me exit soon after. Or it might have been this girl I approached who answered "Yes" to "Are you single," but explicitly told me she "Wasn't looking for a relationship" and I tried to continue talking with but who wasn't very interested. Or it might have been a girl I don't remember approaching at all.

In any case, at some point I decided that my effort was satisfactory enough to check off my last item on the to-do-list.

Goal girl (4), done.

---

Also, questions I wanted to ask today:

1) Older women aren't very interested in me. Possibly because I look so young myself. How can I make myself look older?
2) Younger women around my age are with their parents or friend groups. How do I handle those situations?
3) How do I persist in a conversation that will get the girl engaged and willing to talk with me?

Overall, today was a hard day for me. I was up and about for around four hours in the mall and didn't get one number or even one good approach to show for it. I suspect my fundamentals are part of the reason women aren't hooking that well. I need to correct my errors!

As I remember countless people saying, this is the time I need to persist. When the going gets tough and I feel like my efforts are useless, I'm not getting any results, and this doesn't seem to be working, I need to persist and keep trying. Let's see how well I'll do. I'm determined to not fall just yet.

Genuine Interest Dynamite/Conversation Goal of Day 16: 02/27/2016, done.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 17
02/28/2016

I had a social circle event in the morning, and it made me feel absolutely terrible. I kept to myself and was unable to find the words or the courage to talk to any of the girls, and had a hard time maintaining a compelling conversation with any of the people I did talk to, men included. It's so very frustrating. I want so badly to figure out what I'm doing wrong as a conversationalist and how to fix it. Handling these fundamental issues isn't something I can put off any longer. I've gotta analyze the problem TODAY.

For my outing today I went to a mall I hadn't visited in a long time. I was feeling pretty awkward and insular when I went in, but I stuck it out as best I could. It actually turned out much more memorable than I thought it would be.

My goal today was to open across the shoulder and use genuine interest dynamite on (1) girl today. I had lots of things to do in the evening, so I figured I'd make it an easy day.

---

The first few girls I opened would look at me, say thanks (if I gave them a direct compliment) or say "No" and start walking away (if I asked "Are you single?"). I suppose part of the problem was I didn't really open over the side, and I had a hard time with the genuine interest dynamite. How was I supposed to wrinkle my nose and give a slow smile if they ran away immediately? Frustrating. Perhaps a better physique, walk, and fashion would've given me a better chance at the very opening.

There, however, were a few girls I didn't open because I didn't know what angle to approach them from. One was a girl who turned her head back and saw me while I was walking to catch up to her, twice actually. By the time I was about to reach her I got cold feet because I felt like she'd find it really creepy that this guy (me) was following her around. Perhaps, by the second time she looked, I should've raised my hand up and called out or just jogged so I would've caught up faster.

Another girl I saw while looking around Daiso. I've found that Daiso's consistency have cute Asian women when I visit them at good hours, and this was no exception. The first girl was browsing through the aisles and saw me approaching from the front. I tried to not look at her since I remembered it would be better for her to look at me first, but she never did. In fact, when I turned into the aisle and then tried to make eye contact, she didn't reciprocated and looked somewhere else instead. That demotivated me since I felt like it would be really weird if this guy she saw walking up then turned into the aisle and randomly opened her. It didn't feel like it would follow the Law of Least Effort since it would be pretty clear that I came up purely to talk to her. At the same time, if I waited until after she passed it felt like it would be wrong; if I was a confident guy, I'd just approach her the first time if I made it obvious that I noticed her, right?

I'm not sure what I should've done. But I think I could've gone for a "Sudden Notice," or pretended to not see her because I was browsing items in the aisle, thus following the appearance of minimum effort involved. Then opened her as she passed me.

I had another missed approach at Daiso when I saw this really cute girl down the store. I avoided walking directly towards her because it would've made it obvious that I noticed her. The reason for that is if I obviously noticed her, then as a confident guy I should approach her right when she's in front of me. However, by Chase's recommendation, I shouldn't approach her directly from the front like that because it's too strong. Now that I analyze it, however, I think my best bet would be to make eye contact with her while we were approaching each other down the aisle (and following the principles of good eye contact by doing something which would bait her into looking at me first), and smiling sexily. Then I'd approach her directly after that by following her and ending up next to her, or directly approaching her from the front-ish since the eye contact and stuff had already been established so it would be okay.

I missed a second chance with this girl when I saw her looking at items in the aisle and I came near her to look at similar products. I think she might have noticed me, and I noticed that she stuck around for a bit, looking at the other items nearby me. I had a serious gut feeling that she was giving me an approach invitation...but I didn't know what to say. In retrospect I realize I need to be more perceptive to come up with situational or indirect-direct openers to use. I could have used a situational opener commenting on the items we were looking at like "You know, a teacher would serious have a field day with all these white boards"; an indirect-direct opener like "Hey, I know they've got white boards and black boards here...but do you think they have any rainbow boards? I'm kidding, I just saw you there and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you"; or a simple direct one (which I should probably do anyways when I'm stuck) like "Hey, quick question: are you single?"

I beat myself up a bit for not approaching those girls and running away, but I decided to focus on the present moment at the time. Now that I'm looking back on the past though, I really regret not doing anything. Approaching would have been so EASY. Really shows how in-the-moment thinking is drastically less creative than retrospective analysis. I've gotta remember these notes I've made so I have a reference to draw on the next time these situations happen.

---

Towards the end of the outing I saw a girl looking at some books while I was in Barnes & Noble, and decided I had to approach. So, to my surprise, I did a lot of things right. I slid up next to her and opened from the side, though I didn't touch her for pre-opening like I usually do...maybe I should've lightly tapped her shoulder.

In any case, I opened over the shoulder and said, "Hey, do you think they have any books on equestrian sports around here?"

I took my time with the opener and made sure to pronounce everything clearly so she wouldn't be confused about what I said. She kinda laughed and told me, "You should probably ask the staff."

"I'm kidding," I replied, trying to wrinkle my nose and squint my eyes. "I just saw you there and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you. I'm Alex."

"Hi Alex!" she said right back, but didn't give her name. So I asked, "And what's your name?"

"M," she told me. Falling back on autopilot, I answered back, "Nice to meet you, M."

Perhaps I also should have said, "Hi, M!" to make it more whimsical and less autopilot.

I asked her what she was doing here, to which she replied that she was waiting for her mom. Not much to work off of, but the way she worded it let me tease her a little bit about using the time she had to pick up boys. After that I tried to continue the conversation by asking, "Do you like books?" It seemed contextually appropriate since we were in a bookstore looking at books.

It turned out that "Yes," she did. She liked the classics, which luckily we just so happened to be looking at. I pointed at Homer's "The Odyssey" (though there are claims that it wasn't really by Homer or that Homer wasn't really a single person; but nitpicky details aside), and found out she liked things like that and "Pride and Prejudice." Not Shakespeare though, apparently.

Right here I could've qualified her. She was a cool chick, definitely educated and smart. I should've told her that I liked girls who love literature. Anyways, I tried to keep the conversation going further. It turned out she was "16," which meant I could finally be honest and say that I was "17" myself. Jesus it's been awhile since I've been honest about my age. For anyone wondering whether or not you should tell a girl you're under 18, some excellent gentlemen have answered the question in this thread here: Should I Tell Women I'm Under 18?

She asked me what school I went to, and I told her. In retrospect, this is a good sign. It shows she hooked since she's now getting interested in me and asking questions. I told her and asked her about what she thought of school, learned a little bit but didn't find the topic particularly interesting.

Around this time I realized I needed to move her because it felt awkward to be in the same place. So I told her, "Hey, I'm getting tired of staring at these books...why don't we go talk over there?" and pointed toward another aisle. She agreed and complied, which I took as an excellent sign.

Here I locked in by leaning onto a bookshelf, and tried to get to know her a bit more after a couple more lines of rapport/repartee. "So what type of girl are you?" I asked.

"I don't know, I'm not really any type," she answered. I didn't want to let her win the frame though, so I pushed it.

"No, you've gotta have some type you identify with," I said. I expected to have to push it a few times, but luckily she accepted mine after just one push.

"I guess I'm a track and field type then," she disclosed.

I acknowledged her response, "Oh, you're a track star?"

She denied it, saying she wasn't that good. I built her up again by qualifying her since it felt right. "That's okay," I said, amused. "I like girls who are athletes."

Around this time I got uncomfortable since I realized I was quickly dwindling in topics, so I decided to go for the number. "Anyways, I gotta go in like a minute," I began, looking at the time, "but you seem like a really cool girl. How about we grab a coffee together sometime?"

She objected, saying her "parents wouldn't like that," but I tried pushing past it.

"We'll keep it a secret then," I said, smiling. "They won't have to know."

Apparently it turned out to be token resistance after all, because she seemed happy to say "Sure" right after. I asked for her number so we could coordinate. As a note to future me, don't put girls' numbers in the keypad. Go directly to contacts next time. It's much easier to save the number that way.

I tried to make the end of the interaction memorable for her so she'd be more inclined to agree to a date if we went on one. I wished her good luck in school, and bantered with her a little bit about senioritis as a serious epidemic across the country. Which it is

She was laughing and bowing over a little bit, so I decided to make my exit there. "Remember," I began, pausing so I could figure out how I wanted to say it. "Don't tell your mom that you met the man of your dreams today. She'll go crazy."

And that was the end of it. We bid each other adieu, and I suddenly felt a lot better about myself. I suppose I wasn't entirely hopeless. Just unskilled on so many levels.

Goal girl (1), complete!

---

Also, accomplished my long term goal of getting (1) solid number from a girl through cold approach. My next long term goal: go on a date with (1) girl I cold approached.

I'm a bit tired right now, but I really want to also analyze the social circle interactions I had today. There's some serious flaws in how I approach social circle that I need to figure out if I want to stop feeling so awkward and shitty. Perhaps I'll write it down in a physical journal and transfer it here when I have more time.

Till next time!

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 18
02/29/2016

Happy leap year day!

My immediate goal is to become a better conversationalist. I have a hard time engaging women and making them interested in our conversation; I also have a hard time eliciting the emotions I'm looking for in a girl. One of my biggest issues is letting conversations die out because I become unsure of what to say to move into rapport.

Thus, my immediate goal is to start with improving my repartee to get the girl more comfortable. In this outing I aimed to tease (2) girls within 30 seconds of meeting them.

---

Today I wanted to buy a couple of plaid shirts for my wardrobe at the mall and just approach the girls I saw as I went along. Curiously, there are quite a few cute girls alone at dead hours at the mall...is the demographic truly good? Is it that I'm only noticing these girls because there aren't crowds around...or is it an extension of scarcity mentality that ups the relative attractiveness of these women? Who knows?

The first girl I approached when she passed by me. I was a bit shy at the start of the outing, but I got frustrated with not doing anything so I just went for it with the first cute one I saw after about ten minutes.

"Hey, quick question," I began. "Are you single?"

She said, "No," and immediately started walking away, a common result when I used that opener. Perhaps that's a good thing. Lets me screen out girls who just aren't interested.

"Hold on a second!" I called out after her. "I just wanted to tell you that you look cute today!"

She returned some thanks of her own over her shoulder as she departed, and smiling, I turned around and moved on. Even if I was blown out, it felt really great to know that I didn't care that much about being rejected and could be cool about it.

---

A while later I saw a cute girl buying some pretzels at a nearby stand and started pretending to browse the items in a nearby store. I waited for her to finish before I approach since I felt it would be awkward to intrude while she was right at the register.

When she was done she sat down, which I took as the opportunity for a "Sudden Notice" opener. I walked up by her, pretending to stare off in the distance, and stopped just a little bit in front of where she sat. I turned, and probably to my detriment, faced my full body towards her.

"Oh, hi!" I said. "You look really cute today."

"Thanks," she answered.

I took the opportunity to introduce myself. "I'm Alex, by the way," I said, reaching my hand out. She seemed a bit weirded out, but took my hand and introduced herself as T anyways.

"So what are you doing out here today?" I asked.

"I'm just on my lunch break right now," she said.

I tried to make it an opportunity to tease her. "And pick up boys at the mall, apparently," I said. She didn't say anything and just looked at me for a couple seconds, probably unsure of how to respond. In retrospect I should've just continued the conversation instead of wait for her to make a reply. It was obviously going to be denial.

"No! I'm just getting some food."

I asked her about what she eating, some sort of pizza pretzel, and asked where she worked (it was a cosmetic company). The conversation felt like it was dying out to me, so I bid her adieu and ran away.

Lessons:
1) Open over the shoulder, not with full body language.
2) Deep dive
-"What sort of work do you do at your company?"
-"Are you really into cosmetics?"
-"Do you come to the mall often?"
3) Sit down next to her after bantering a little bit. Ask her "is this seat taken?"

Tease girl (1), done.

---

The next girl I saw walking along with colorful set of yoga pants, so I jogged up to tell her that. "Hey, stop for a second," I told her. I pointed down at her pants, and she followed my gaze...perhaps I could've not made sudden movements and just sexily looked into her eyes instead.

"I just saw you walking there and I had to come tell you that you have the most colorful, flowery pants I've seen all day...they're really unique."

She smiled and thanked me. I don't recall if she looked down or not, but if she did, that would've been wonderful. Speaking of which, I looked down upon approaching her! No no no, not good.

"I'm Alex, by the way," I continued. She introduced herself, though I forgot her name. I started realizing that she really quite cute as I got a good look at her.

I tried to keep the conversation going. "So what are you doing out here?" I asked, spying an opportunity to tease.

"Not much, just shopping," she answered. Perfect, exactly as planned.

"I can see that," I said. "That's a lot of shopping bags you've got there. Hope you left something for the other customers."

Thank you, Chase, for providing such an appropriate example.

Right after that I looked away and started walking, which I think killed the interaction. She said, "It was nice meeting you," and I did the same, bidding her adieu. The conversation just felt awkward. I didn't know how to progress it to anywhere interesting. There weren't any immediate threads to grab onto that I could deep dive off of, so in that situation I need to have prepared questions I can ask someone to start getting to know them. Things I want to know about other people that I can start off with in a cold interaction and turn it into a vibrant, warm one.

Lessons:
1) Don't look down upon approaching
2) Open over the shoulder, not with full body, especially when going direct.
3) Find topics/questions you can use to get a conversation going.

Tease girl (2), done.

---

I met a few other girls after that, usually ones who were working and happened to talk to me as I was browsing. One witty line I've started using: whenever a cashier asks me for my number (for something else) I use it to tease her.

"Usually girls just ask me for my number," I say with a playful smile.

If I use that in the future, I should add push-pull: "I don't usually give it to them, but for you I might make an exception."

Often the girl replies, "I swear, it's only for professional use."

Perhaps I can brush it off and say, "Sure," with a knowing tone. Then, before she objects, I'll keep the conversation moving onto the next thing.

In any case, goal accomplished! In the future I should be working to tease more girls with my outings.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 19
03/01/2016

Relating and keeping a conversation going is harder than I expected. I went out to Target with a friend of mine today and ended up failing my goal today because of it. I wanted to meet and relate to (2) women today, but as a result of hanging out with my pal I didn't approach much at all. In the future, if I intend to be approaching girls, I'm better off going alone without distractions.

---

I approached one woman today. I saw that she had this bright yellow purse, so I followed her for a little bit and came up next to her. I tapped her elbow, but I think I could've done a better job of making sure I was in her peripheral vision before I pre-opened. Furthermore, I was looking down upon approach. Again. I need to be looking forward and upwards, have strong eye contact.

"Hey, I just saw you over there," I began, looking down at her yellow purse and pointing towards it. In retrospect, don't do that. Don't look down, you seem weaker. Look into her eyes and gesture towards the purse WHEN you're mentioning it, otherwise focus on talking to the GIRL. "And had to come tell you that you had the brightest yellow purse I've ever seen. It really stands out."

She smiled widely. I've actually noticed that I've been pointing out things I really, genuinely find interesting about some of the women I approach now, and women seem to be able to sense my sincerity. They smile much wider. She thanked me, and I introduced myself. "I'm Alex, by the way."

She gave me her name (which I don't recall; I tend to forget people's names immediately after meeting them, something I should work on). I then asked, "So what are you doing out here today?"

"Just shopping for toys for my baby," she said.

I took it as an opportunity to tease. "Oh, is that so? I thought these were for you," I said, gesturing towards the barbie dolls we were looking at. I could've used a more playful tone and a mirthful smirk or expression to really hammer in the light, whimsical fun.

She denied with a smile, and then told me, "It was nice meeting you," and left. I wonder why she didn't want to stick around?

Lessons:
1) Don't look down
2) Compliment women genuinely
3) Use tones and nonverbal body language to convey playfulness

The minimum-(1)-approach-per-day girl, done!

---

There was another girl I saw in this great, bright green dress. I wanted to approach her, and started to do so, when she turned around all of a sudden and saw me. I suddenly felt really creepy since I was jogging towards her, like I'd be viewed as a stalker. I used it as an irrational excuse to chicken out of the approach. Damn, what I should've done was continued and come up next to her, or call out, "Hey, girl in the green dress!" when she looked at me. I feel pretty bad about it now. I've faced this similar situation before. Makes me pretty frustrated, actually.

In any case, goal failed today. First time I wasn't able to accomplish a goal. Tomorrow I'll go out and repeat this task, but will go alone so I can actually get this done.