Alex's (Hopefully) Intrepid Path to Mastery

[TouchGrass]

Day 30
03/12/2016

Mall day again. I was focused more on trying out specific calibrations for my opener than opening a specific number of girls, but the tasks I prescribed turned out to be more difficult than I expect. Ended up approaching what must've been somewhere between 15-20 girls, maybe even more to 25. The point is, today I know I've approached more women than I ever have before. While I succeeded in my goals, I definitely feel like a bit of a social reject. What Chase and the guys have said about "wanting to give up" has never made more sense than today.

Goals:
1) Pause before delivering a genuine interest opener, after grounding ("I saw you walking there and..."), (4) times.
2) Use the "Cute and Sexy" look (eyebrows down, chin tilted downwards, and lips pressed together/pursed with a slight crease at the corners of the lips for a subtle smile) when talking to (4) women today.
3) Open from the side, over your shoulder, (4) times today.

The point of these exercises was to hone my vibe through the body language I displayed. The pause is intended to create more tension, help me relax, and give a more impactful feel. The facial expression is meant to generate more of an calm, sexy vibe. Opening from the side is meant to create more comfort for the girl so I don't come across too strong.

---

The outing didn't start off all that well. I fought with approach anxiety for about twenty minutes, trying to find a good opportunity. I eventually saw this girl with unique silver hair and followed her until she entered a store, and then approached her.

"Hey," I said as I was about to pass by her. I waited until she looked at me before I made eye contact. "I was just walking by when I saw you over here..."

I paused, and let my mouth gradually widen into a warm smile while creasing my eyes. She seemed to become noticeably anticipating of my next few words.

"And I had to come tell you that you have the most uniquely colored hair I've seen all day."

As commonly happens, I made the mistake of letting her thank me before I introduced myself during a direct opener. She was definitely pretty warm and we chatted a bit about her hair. Mostly light banter. I don't remember all of it, but here's a couple snippets.

"Yeah, you know how older people have gray hair? Well, it's not like that. It's much better," I said.

"Oh, what is it like then?" she might have said. Something with the same meaning.

"Hmmm, it's more like a vampire," I teased.

She kind of agreed, "Yeah, totally."

"Yeah, I can see you're thinking of biting into my veins now and making me yours," I teased again.

She seemed a bit flustered, and bid me farewell soon after, wishing me "a nice day."

Things I could have done better:
1) Enter deep dive, learn more about her
2) Relate to what she says, let her know that I'm actually hearing the words she's saying by expressing a thought related to what she just said.
3) Touch her when you pre-open, touch more in general

Pause girl (1), done. "Cute and Sexy Look" girl (1), done.

---

I made tons of mistakes in my other approaches. Most of the time the girl would say "Thanks," and leave before I was about to introduce myself. What I should do is use the pause more to get more tension and keep her from moving on immediately before hearing what I have to say.

I also said "Excuse me" before almost every approach to get the girl's attention when she's walking. I said "sorry" less frequently, but several times as well when I approached, usually when the girl looks really annoyed/cold or rejected me. One time I approached the girl said, "Hey, could you not talk to me right now?" which was both stinging and weird. I wonder what the heck was going on in her life. Also, I think I might've done a couple of repeat approach attempts on accident, usually when the girl brushed me off, I forgot about her, and then went for her again. Oops.

Consistently my approaches would follow a similar format when I got past "Hello."

"I'm Alex," I'd say. It would always feel a bit awkward when I introduced myself after they said "hello." I need to introduce myself faster.

Then she'd give me her name, and I'd asked, "So what are you up to today?"

Usually she'd be shopping, and if she had shopping bags I'd say something like "I can see that. I hope you left something for the other customers."

Otherwise I'd go into "Do you shop here often?"

Very rarely would I get a good response. Mostly it would be a little bit awkward and the girl would give me short answers. I'd often feel so awkward that I'd look away from the girl and stop making eye contact to stare at something else, especially after she gives me very minimal responses. Should I continue with strong, intense eye contact as I talk to her instead, even when she's not immediately hooked?

Anyways, having nothing to work with, I'd just sort of run through the questions. In retrospect I didn't relate much or acknowledge her answers significantly other than use them as bouncing boards for another question--in other words, not relating to what she was saying. Feeling the girl slipping away, I'd ask, "Are you from around here or faraway lands?" or "Are you a student?" or "What do you do in our fair city?" and try to continue the conversation with the responses I'd get. Rarely would it turn into something really good, and one of us would eject after about a minute.

Is my problem pre-conversation, with my opener? Is the problem in-conversation, with not strong enough eye contact? Is it a problem with my voice and my vibe? I don't know, so I think I'll have to run through everything to figure out how to get warmer receptions.

---

Actually tackling the assignment was another beast entirely. I'd constantly be forgetting to do one goal or another when talking to a girl, so I had to piecemeal tackle each of them individually. Find and approach (3) girls focusing only on the pause. Then, more familiar with the pause, approach (4) girls focused on opening from the side while remembering to pause too. Then approach (3) girls and use the "Sexy and Cute" look with them, remembering to both pause and open from the side.

Maddeningly enough, I struggled the most with the last because most girls would just walk off after I complimented them rather than talk. Perhaps if I introduce myself immediately she'll get the frame that I'm here to meet them and talk.

---

I had one more good approach, which was a working girl at a clothing store. I saw her and pretended to look at the same clothes she was folding up, and after a few seconds, said, "Hey."

I think maybe I should 've touched her rather than purely using my voice to pre-open. "Do you think they have one of these in rainbow tie-dye?"

Seems like she got that I was playing, since she had a smile on her face. "Well, I don't think we do..."

I stared at her with my best attempt at a sexy look for two seconds while she was talking before I broke the tension. "I'm joking anyways. I just saw you over here and had to come tell you that you look really cute today."

She gave a bit of that "awww" sound, which was annoying. I'm convinced I'm coming in too nice now.

Anyways, we talked for a little bit. I learned she was a senior just like me and was planning to go to community college and become a teacher later in life. Lots of good stuff. Except, as luck would have it, we were interrupted by her job, since she was needed to go back to work to put something back somewhere. I never encountered this situation before, so when she said, "I'll be right back," I was like, "Sure, I'll be right over there."

Unfortunately she never came back, so I left after browsing for about ten minutes. I should have got her number earlier or something!

---

In any case, that's the 30-day challenge done. I don't feel much more improved, but I also know that I probably did and just can't see it. Regardless, now I'm going to put a lot more focus on upping my fundamentals. I'll be lowering my daily requirements to at least (1) approach per day, with only certain days devoted to approaching rather than every day. This way I can more efficiently get my fundamentals in shape without throwing schoolwork out of the water entirely, haha.

 

[TouchGrass]

I used to do the preopen Chase suggested too, but if you're going to give her a compliment right from the start, look at her when you're walking up to her. This is actually what TonySolo from TheNaturalLifestyle taught me. The difference is huge. I've dropped preopening or I have internalized it lol I'm not too sure. I don't consciously think I need to preopen. Sometimes it just happens, and I'll look back and think "oh was that preopen? oh well who cares?". Don't get stuck on the little steps and technicalities. In fact, simplify your process to something like this

1. See a girl. Walk straight up to her and appreciate how beautiful she is as you're walking towards her.
2. Give her a compliment
3. Chat and have a good time. Appreciate who she is as a woman as you deep dive her. (aka qualify her in PUA terms).
4. Find out what she's doing right now so you can either exchange number or go on an instant date.
5. go on a date.
6. invite her home
7. give her orgasms.

That way, you won't freeze and don't know what to do when the girl is into you.

It definitely sounds like a very natural-esque style from how you describe it. You might be right that this is what I need to do; I tend to approach things from a pretty mechanical, methodical perspective that figures every little detail out until it's intuitive. Maybe my mindset is flawed for my style of approach and I should try what you're suggesting. But, Chase has rarely (maybe never!) been wrong for me, so I also lend a lot of credit to his recommendations--maybe too much. So I'll think about it some more, try it out, and also see what other members think before I come to a conclusion on it!

Don't over think seduction. If you want to ask her to dance with you in the moment, do it. Richard on the board gave me a good advice some time ago about your body vs mind.

Your body knows more than your mind ever will. It won't let you down, and it will lead you in the right direction as long as you get out of your own way.
With that in mind, develop a calm mind and let your body dictate what to do because it won't let you down. A quick note on that as well: your body will not always do what your mind thinks should be done either, and your body will not always do what is required to satisfy the outcome your mind wants.

If you touch a girl and she rejects it - that's for a good reason but your mind will see it as a failure. Be wary of that as well, and trust that there's a purpose in everything you do.

I found that all naturals follow this principle. Even TonySolo says the same thing.

I've definitely observed something like that, where I just felt my body calling me to do something and doing it turned out pretty well. I have to wonder whether certain actions at certain timings are really ingrained as instinct though, or whether that's just human observational/experimental learning at work, internalizing certain patterns until they become intuitive and feel "natural". I'll consider what you say, since I would like to emulate the power of naturals, but I'll also keep an eye out for other explanations as well.

If you want to ask "are you single" right from the get go, you better have good fundamentals because that's all the info she has to judge whether she wants to talk to you or not.

How to get girls to stick around? lol Don't try. Don't try to get girls to stick around after you give them a compliment. Walk with them if they don't stop, but be socially aware, "what are you up to now" "I'm going to XX" "Right I'll walk with you for a bit so I can get to know you."
If they say "No that's ok", just move on and wish them a good day.
Your intent should be "I'm here to share and have a good time", not "i'm hoping you would stay". anyway, that's over analyzing it a bit, which I hate to do. I prefer to just go up and let it flow instead of micro-managing every move I make, because in a bigger picture, I found that they don't really matter.

Hope that helps!=)

Agreed on many levels. From my perspective, micro-managing means the conscious mind is overburdening itself with too much and inevitably screws up more. "Letting it flow", like you advise, is better because it offloads certain processes to the subconscious, which is much better at automating the details and letting you focus on the big picture. So you have some good points there. I'll definitely think about them and see what I think after trying them out a little.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 31
03/13/2016

Took a break from nonstop mass approaching today to STOP, take a deep breath, and really THINK. I've realized that Smith's right; I've been focusing way too much on the details and not enough on the big picture--the underlying causes that lead to my failures. After reading these two articles, How to Avoid Making the Same Mistake Twice and At What Point Do You Give Up?, I've realized that my problem is that I'm just bashing my head against the wall doing the same thing over and over. I need to start reflecting more on my interactions, identifying the problems, and fixing them so I don't make the same mistake again. I don't intend to be that guy who spins in place forever.

To help me out, I've drafted a simple process for my reflections:

1) Run through your approach. Identify what the problem was and when it happened.
2) Analyze what you did that caused the problem, and why your mistake was detrimental to your approach in the big picture.
3) Identify WHY you made the mistake; what caused you to screw up.
4) Continue identifying WHY these problems occurred until you've gone as deep as you can go; make your explanation more focused on the big picture
5) Propose possible solutions you can try out to fix the problem in the field later with all the data you now have.

---

For my first trial, I tried analyzing why it was that most of my approaches don't get past the opener.

1) The problem seems to be right after the opener, when girls just walk away from me right away or eject right after I introduce myself.

2) I think what I've been doing is not presenting my opener impactfully enough for women to break out of autopilot and realize I'm an attractive man they're intrigued by/want to continue interacting with. I probably did this by not presenting a masculine or confident enough vibe, being too timid, not being polarizing enough that I screen in interested women, acting weak with my body language/eye contact, and/or failing to make my intention to get to know her clear from the get go.

3/4) My analysis seems to indicate that I make these mistakes because I lack certainty and conviction in my mindset. I'm unsure about myself which makes me act far too safe and polite rather than bold and polarizing without even realizing it. I'm focused too much on "not making a mistake" which makes me nervous and screws up the attractive, masculine vibe I want to portray. Women therefore don't understand that I'm an attractive man they SHOULD be stopping for because I'm not communicating to them I am that man.

5) I should take a deep breath every time I approach. I should be less worried about rejection and instead view every girl as being attracted, but they just don't know it yet and I have to guide them into realizing it (if they're not into me right way). I should make a point of approaching calmly and having strong eye contact/body language while focusing on projecting a powerful, masculine vibe. I should also behave with the mannerisms of a confident man, such as by not fidgeting or darting my eyes, standing with a powerful pose, pausing while opening, and introducing myself right away to establish that I'm here to get to know her. The mindsets that come along will come naturally to me as I attain more success which proves me right.

---

Approached two women today, very short approaches in which I complimented them as I passed by and nothing more. Analyzing those helped me reach the conclusions I have above, but truthfully the data points have been from the ~150-180 approaches I've done in the past 30 days. I'm going to make this week an easy one in which I'll focus on looking back on my mistakes in my field reports and figuring out more about how to solve my issues. Maybe I'll spend 3 outings this week actively approaching rather than 7.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 32
03/14/2016

I decided I would approach at least (1) girl when I went to Target to buy some home supplies today. As it turned out, I didn't do any TRUE approaches--ones where I go meet a girl with the express intention of sleeping with her. Instead I started conversations with a few women and men I met as I walked around, and felt pleasantly surprised by the reactions I was getting. Why the hell was everyone suddenly so friendly? I was expecting to get cold stares and be immediately rejected just for saying something...but as soon as I smile the guy or girl I'm starting starts smiling too!

It's definitely way different from how I expected things to turn out. Last day I tried something like this most people were pretty uninterested in continuing to talk with me. I think this may be because I focused on relaxing, being the moment, and projecting a more masculine vibe to everyone I met. My confidence got a nice boost. Maybe I won't be rejected by every girl I talk too like I have a subconscious fear of. This is good! Let's see if I can continue refining my fundamentals to really charismatic, attractive levels.

 

[Smurf]

Following

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 33
03/15/2016

Noticing more and more better reactions as I head about during the day. Not only that, but I feel strangely more comfortable with social pressure and keeping a calm expression. I feel more relaxed too. What gives? I've been spending so much time at home, not socializing, the last three days, but for some reason I feel still feel more skilled than I was on Day 30.

I made a couple attempts at approaches today...royally messed up on one where my voice came out so timid and quiet she didn't even hear me. The other ones were situational or purely compliments; I wasn't looking to enjoy a romantic or sexual relationship with any of them. I still have a lot of anxiety. I think tomorrow I'll try to crack down and get some serious approaching down; my biggest excuse is "I don't know how to look smooth approaching her," so I'll see what happens if I ignore that and just go for it smooth or not.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 34
03/16/2016

I went out today, and I just approached. I've been feeling really uncomfortable with the idea of going out and meeting new women lately...so today I had to go meet (6).

To my surprise, it went better than I expected. Not as good as I hoped; I wanted to be able to engage a women and build a deep connection with her. Some girls gave me great reactions upon opener but I just botched it up somehow shortly after. I'd got anxious and one of us would eject. I don't know what the problem was, but I'm going to think about it some more tonight and put my conclusions down on paper (text?) tomorrow.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 35-41
03/17/2016 - 03/23/2016

Back again! I took a brief break from writing reports to focus on schoolwork, but I have been making a point to approach every day. That's not to say I had good approaches every day. Sometimes it would be half-assed because I was nervous and ended right after the compliment or a few lines of dialogue. Sometimes I'd find myself stuck because I opened but then had no idea what to do.

Today I didn't expect to go out and approach...but I had a nagging need to. I don't know why, but there was this sensation in the back of my head that wanted me to go out and approach. I decided to not resist it and went out on an outing for the first time in awhile.

This outing in particular I noticed a few differences compared to what I usually expect. I never really got past the opener and a couple lines of banter today because I'd get anxious or nervous really quick, but I did notice that women responded much more warmly to my approach. In fact, several of them had lingering body language facing me, as if they didn't really want me to leave. That really conflicted with the mental model I had...did I really improve my attractiveness to women so quickly?

In any case, immediately after my opener (which tends to be direct), I need to start furthering the interaction with this woman I've met. My goal will be to relax and slow down my words the next time I approach so I'm calm and convey that chill, relaxed vibe. I'll try breathing deeply prior to the approach and focusing on sensations in the moment during the approach to do this.

I'll make it a point to ask something like "So what are you up to today, NAME?" right after I introduce myself. Just make it a regular part of my approach process.

---

I've also been doing a lot of analysis of conversations in the past few days, and I've noticed a few patterns. It appears my greatest weakness is that I leave them hanging, which is detrimental because it does not progress my interaction with a woman. It just leaves us standing still, feeling awkward, and pressured to eject.

The most prominent manifestation of this is my failure to ask questions to introduce new topics. For example, I'll either keep hammering away at my initial topic which she's not interested in, or I'll respond "Cool" and not know what question to ask next.

Therefore, I'll be working on asking questions. To make it easy on me, I've constructed a simple formula for my responses when I'm feeling lost after she reveals something about herself or answers a question:


"Expression of Relation" ("Cool"..."No way"..."I see"..."Makes sense"..."That's crazy"...etc.) + "Thread Guide/Question" (Tackling a new idea about the topic that you think is interesting to both you and her AND you do NOT already know...or switching to a different thread by picking out something she said and asking about it...Ex: "Besides Italian food, what other cuisines excite you?")


Not necessarily the best in every situation, but it's a simple 1-2 formula I can definitely rely on to progress our interaction to new territories rather than sit in place. I'll be writing examples for me to keep in mind below.


"I see, so you're not much of a shopper. What sorts of activities do you do for fun then?"

"No way, you're here to try out the coconut milk coffee? That's crazy! Do you try other adventurous things too?"

"Makes sense...I wouldn't want to do mind-numbingly dull work on a beautiful day like this either. You an outdoors type?"


I'm also assigning myself with the task of writing down (1) imaginary conversation every day based on the material I read on GirlsChase, the actual conversations I have in real life, and the field reports by our members. I took the idea from Richard. The intention is to create an availability heuristic so my brain has an easier time dealing with conversations when under a bit of pressure, as well as increase my familiarity with them in general so I'm not so stumped on how to progress. I'll then take the skills I develop from that, apply it to my real conversations, and then form a repeating loop that will hopefully help me hone my skill as a conversationalist.

Also, note to myself: Do NOT feel pressured to tackle everything at once. RELAX, take a deep breath, and focus on becoming better with approach just ONE small improvement at a time.

Cheers,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 42-46
03/24/2016-03/28/2016

I've taken to writing my field reports down in a personal notebook over the online medium recently; there's something much more engaging about writing on paper than typing on a keyboard. I wanted to add a few updates to my, admittedly slow, progress these last few days.

I'm still approaching at least one girl every day, but I'm a bit unsatisfied with the quality of my approach and my overthinking habits. I've noticed girls looking at me a lot more now--or at least I think they are. Women tend to be more subtle than I am able to confidently pin down, so I'm just guessing they're looking at me 90% of the time. Despite this, I still don't approach because I keep trying to find a good angle to swoop in. Or I'm worried that I won't be able to hold up a conversation once I approach...ironically reminiscent of how I was initially worried about approaching a girl because I was afraid she wouldn't be receptive to my opener. There's always an excuse, isn't there?

Well, it's time that stopped. Smooth or not, I should stop thinking and just approach in the future. Worry about calibrating my approaches afterwards. Just fully embrace that I'm a relaxed guy who may not know what he's doing but damn if he isn't going to say "hi" to that cute girl.

---

I had a few memorable approaches. One I saw after taking my seat at Panera, as I was about to dig into my food. She was behind me but I caught a flash of movement in my direction, so I figured she was checking me out. I tried not to look at her and just calmly ate my food, but in my head, I was coming up with all sorts of scenarios for when I approached and how I would deal with them. About midway through my imaginary rundown I realized it was silly to think about it too much because I'd mess up, so instead I stood up and opened her right after I finished my meal.

"Oh, hi!" I said, pretending to just notice her. I made the mistake of looking at her before she looked at me, but I'm not sure what else to do when I'm using a "Sudden Notice" opener. Maybe I can experiment with stopping and waiting until she looks at me before I say anything? It seems incongruent with the idea that I'm standing there, looking a bit surprised and amazed, because that method I just proposed implies a sense of deliberateness.

Anyways, I then gave a compliment. "You have great red streaks in your hair."

"Thanks," she said. Lots of girls say "Thanks" before I even get to introducing myself, probably because I take a pause...should I be more gung-ho about introducing myself immediately, or let them show their appreciation?

"I'm Alex, by the way," I continued. She told me her name, but I completely forgot it soon after, which was a bit embarrassing.

Then I figured it was time to progress the interaction. "So, what are you working on? Your plan to take over the world?" I asked, peering at the laptop screen she appeared to be studying.

From there we started talking, but I quickly realized a few problems. Namely, I had nothing to say when she asked about me. I have a habit of being eager to ask about other people's personal lives but reticent when it comes to sharing anything meaningful about myself. Here's a few questions she asked that floored me, which I quickly made up some lies about.


So, what do you do?

What school do you go to?

What are you studying?


I DID prepare a response to "What do you do?" prior, but in the moment it completely slipped my mind. For memory's sake, here's it refreshed:


"I'm an adventurer who sometimes writes and dances on the side."

"I'm a writer, philosopher, and explorer."

"Blondes, mostly. But occasionally brunettes." (Changes depending on her hair color/ethnicity: first is something she's NOT, then second is something she IS. The idea is that I'm portraying myself as not easy, but able to be won over.)


In any case, we stuck mainly to the topics of career and school. It turned out that she was a sales analyst who tutored kids on the side, but in the moment the other exciting topics I could've delved into just didn't seem apparent to me. I could've talked about her family, why she started tutoring kids, and other parts of her past in general. That wasn't where I dropped the ball here though. Instead it happened when I tried too hard to be funny and ending up saying things that were too absurd to make any sense; I could sense rapidly declining interest in her and tried too much to reinvigorate her with banter. Instead I should've PROGRESSED our interaction. Get her number. Don't try so hard on the humor, really; it's the body language you use that matters anyways.

Speaking of which, I waited too long and thought too much about how I was going to get her number. I couldn't think of a way to smoothly do it, so I waited and waited and waited and it NEVER happened. Next time I should stop relying on fate and ask her out the second I realize I want to. I ejected soon after.

---

My goal for the next outing is simple: stop thinking and just approach (4) girls. I say 4 rather than something higher because I know it's within my capabilities, if just pushing my limits a little bit. I don't intend to shotgun approach, which was how I got to my higher stats. These ones I want to be genuine, with girls I legitimately like. To help with that, I'll also require I breath deeply before I approach each time.

Finally, I'll also dictate that I have to stick around with each girl I approach for at least 30 seconds or until she ejects herself. This is because I have a bad habit of getting nervous and running away (not literally haha) too early. I have a particularly vivid memory of a HOT girl I approached who was not only giving me her full attention, she seemed DISAPPOINTED when I was ejected right after opening because she WANTED me to stick around. That one made me feel terrible, because I willingly gave up a beautiful girl who liked me just because I had a little bit of anxiety. I don't want that to ever happen again.

Cheers,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 47-48
03/29/2016-03/30/2016

I'm getting frustrated. Angry, because it feels like the only one holding me back is myself. Yesterday and today I went and found myself paralyzed as soon as I thought about approaching that cute girl...I passed up dozens upon dozens of cute, gorgeous, incredible girls in just two days.

To be frank, I'm questioning my previous mental model. How I approached women was, it seems, far too mechanical. Too rote. I wasn't approaching them because I wanted to bring beautiful women into my life, but because I was running away from how hurt I felt with them. I wanted to feel like I had some semblance of control after feeling powerless when a woman showed me just how much sway she could have over my emotions. At the time this felt like the only thing I could do about it.

It's a lackluster realization; I guess I always kind of knew my initial attempts at diving into this weren't for reasons as noble as I hoped. Someone once told me that accepting yourself was hard, especially when you weren't the person you thought you should be. I kind of get what she meant now.

Contrary to the dreary tone, this is actually quite good. I know myself a little better, and more importantly, I've reached the point where I can look back and see my flaws. My approaches were rarely genuine and I'd always be looking for a "smooth" angle, both flaws designed to protect my ego from being beat even more.

Now I realize that I can't protect my ego like that any longer if I want to get better. Whatever reasons got me into this approach business, they don't matter now. The important thing is that I've found a real desire to get better with women and with people, and this time understand I've gotta be willing to put my ego on the line.

So, I went right back to the beginning. No fancy openers, no focused learning, just the desire to meet a girl and the will to act. I just saw sort of stopped thinking and said "hi," to people. I'll be writing a report of the two I found impactful below.

---

While walking into a cafe, I saw this girl rapidly sneak a glance my way. I totally caught her red-handed, but didn't approach right away. I waited a second, half because I was apprehensive and half because I needed to go to the bathroom. So I satisfied my needs first to get rid of any excuses and just walked up to her table. Bluntly, directly, and quite straightforward.

"Hey," I said. She quickly echoed a "hey" back, and I had the feeling she knew I saw her, so she was a little bit embarrassed. Something in the voice tone and body language told me it.

"Um, so I saw you over there and thought you were cute, so I wanted to come say hello," I said. A lot of the tension I felt about approaching just disappeared once I was in the moment.

"Oh, thank you!" she replied, flattered.

I introduced myself. "I'm Alex, by the way."

She reciprocated, introducing herself as N. I realized she was a lot cuter than I first thought, so I wanted to have a slightly longer conversation than just "hello," but anxiety was kicking in. I started grasping at straws to figure out what I could do to progress our conversation.

"So what are you doing, N? Working on your plan to take over the world?" I asked, gesturing towards the laptop she'd been working with.

She giggled. "No! I'm just working on stuff and waiting for my smoothie."

I raised my brow. "Smoothies and the internet...that's all you need in life," I teased.

She laughed again, and we entered a slight lull. I didn't know what to say next. In retrospect, perhaps I should've sat down and gotten to know her better. In any case, satisfied with the approximately 30 seconds we'd been talking, I bid her adieu.

---

Today, as I was walking down the sidewalk, I saw a girl who looked pretty cute moving directly towards me. I raised my hand, and to my surprise, she stopped immediately. Maybe she was looking at me already?

"Hey, do I know you?" I asked. I thought she was someone I knew at first, but realized she wasn't the second I got close enough to talk with her.

"Um, yeah?" she answered, sounding a bit off. A little awkwardness there, a little nervousness there. Now that I think about it, women must get a similar perception of me when I'm anxious...the subtle fundamentals really do make a big impact.

"Hmm...well, what's your name?" I asked. She introduced herself as T, and I introduced myself as Alex. I held her hand in the shake, and noticed a few moments later that she was still resting her palm in mine...sign of interest, perhaps?

"Alright, T. So I don't think I know you. But I am Alex," I said.

"Oh, okay! You look like a lot of Asian people I know."

Bemused, I replied, "That's probably because I'm Asian. And you're Asian too...so it must be destiny that brought us together."

This was the interesting part. She then sort of did that girl thing when she ducked her head down, leaned forward a bit, and laughed, almost like a combination of mildly embarrassed, excited, and humored all in one. I like it a lot. It's really cute. I guess she must've liked the frame I implied.

"So what are you doing here today, T?" I asked.

"Oh, well, I'm just walking to the library," she answered, Starbucks in hand. I made a sort of "Wow, okay" face.

"The library? That's a long walk."

"Yeah, but it's okay," she said. I got a bit curious; who just walks to the library after getting Starbucks from a plaza decently far away?

"You walk to the library a lot?" I took a stab at possible explanations for why she was so nonchalant about it. She confirmed my guess, and I think I could've dived deeper by exploring why she was going, getting her to move with me, etc. but I got uncomfortable and ejected.

"Cool. So if I ever come to the library sometime I guess I'll see you there then," I said, then giving a farewell and walking on. I should've stuck around longer, especially with a girl that seemed receptive, but I'm glad I at least tried. I'll need to keep doing more of these approaches where I discard overthinking and just say "Hi," smoothness be damned.

Till next time,
Alex

 

[Mystique]

Hey Alex. The beauty of learning pick up is that daily you rediscover yourself and conquer your fears (even the ones you never knew existed). Sounds like you're going through that phase where you don't seem to know if you're truly making progress or not and you feel lame. All of the above is what I go through daily, but I know in the morning I'll be fine (and I'd definitely get to where I want with time). Little progress is the watchword. Also, I think you could have gotten the numbers of those girls. They seemed interested. I've gotten a girl's number after stopping her on the street and talking with her for less than a minute. She ended up being the most responsive and was invested in me than all the girls I'd approached before. You mustn't talk to her for too long. You also seem to over think things and so you don't flow freely which is natural for us beginners but it doesn't do us any good. Getting involved in long interactions with girls will help you a lot so you can get comfortable with being with a new girl for long time (that's how same day lay works). Try out instant dates too and do be getting numbers off those pretty girls.

 

[Mystique]

Hey Alex. The beauty of learning pick up is that daily you rediscover yourself and conquer your fears (even the ones you never knew existed). Sounds like you're going through that phase where you don't seem to know if you're truly making progress or not and you feel lame. All of the above is what I go through daily, but I know in the morning I'll be fine (and I'd definitely get to where I want with time). Little progress is the watchword. Also, I think you could have gotten the numbers of those girls. They seemed interested. I've gotten a girl's number after stopping her on the street and talking with her for less than a minute. She ended up being the most responsive and was invested in me than all the girls I'd approached before. You mustn't talk to her for too long. You also seem to over think things and so you don't flow freely which is natural for us beginners but it doesn't do us any good. Getting involved in long interactions with girls will help you a lot so you can get comfortable with being with a new girl for long time (that's how same day lay works). Try out instant dates too and do be getting numbers off those pretty girls.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 49-55
03/31/2016-04/06/2016

Ran into a problem I've encountered before: complacency. I've stopped spending two or three hours exclusively focused on meeting women. And when I do, it's maybe once a week. I've gotta schedule it in.

Today I decided to go to the university and approach some girls. I had a hard time finding the nerve. My goal was to approach at least (4) girls and explicitly tell them I was there because I found them attractive; no hiding behind false pretenses, no protecting my ego. Just going up to her and doing it without worrying about being smooth.

The result? I did it, and it didn't go horribly. None of the girls harshly rejected me, though I could tell that I was being weird about it. They let me off gently. I'm also disappointed in myself for passing up several approaches because I was too afraid or too in my head. Next time I've gotta just do it.

---

Library Girl

I saw her sitting down and walking up beside where she was sitting on the desk. "Hey," I said. "I just saw you walking there and I had to say that you have the craziest waves in your hair that I've seen all day."

She thanked me, and I introduced myself and she reciprocated. I then asked, "So what are you doing today?"

"Just studying [something about Psychology]," she told me. I looked over at her textbook and saw a few helix-like diagrams.

"Hmmm, looks like you're looking at DNA. Neuroscience?" I inquired. She clarified that it was something else.

"So you're a scientist then," I stated.

She agreed, so I qualified her. "Cool, I like girls who are scientists...they tend to be pretty logical, analytical. Would that describe you?" I said blindly, not really knowing what I was doing but giving it a shot.

"Yeah, sort of," she nodded.

I ejected there, not really knowing what else to do. I think I could've gotten a bit of investment from her and sat down to deep dive further.

---

Walking Girl

I followed this girl I saw for a bit to try and catch up to her. I was a bit nervous, which probably translated to poor delivery.

"Hey," I said. She seemed confused so I elaborated. "I just saw you over there and I thought you were cute so I wanted to say hi."

My voice went a bit high-pitched at one point there; I was really, really off and even I knew it when I said it.

She objected, saying, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend."

I copied what Ricardus suggested, saying, "That's okay, I'm not looking for a girlfriend."

At that point she shot me another weird look. I had a feeling it was because my apparent intentions did not line up with my actions. I think my approach suggests to women I'm looking for a relationship somehow...if I sexualize it more, they'll probably be able to tell I'm looking for something more temporary. That I can work on after I get numbers maybe.

I ejected soon after, feeling really weirded out. Gotta be more calm, controlled, and relaxed about approaching.

---

Cafeteria Girl

I was distinctively unsmooth with this girl, but that's okay. I don't regret going to say something.

"Hey...you're really cute," I said as I walked past her. I extended my hand out. "I'm Alex, by the way."

She gave me an unusual rejection. "I don't want to shake your hand."

Feeling really exposed, I retracted my hand. "Okay," I said with a smile, not letting myself feel too bothered.

"Sorry, I just don't like touching people," she said. Well, nobody's told me that one before. Interesting.

"Alright. I'll be sure to get a ten-foot pole to shake your hand with then," I teased a bit. We bantered for a few more seconds before I felt really uncomfortable and ejected myself.

---

Pink girl

The last one I approached at the university was a girl sitting down and eating a burrito. I didn't see her look at me, and I didn't really pre-open her in any way, but she was unexpectedly really warm to me.

"Hey," I said. I intended to ask her something more innocuous, compliment her on her clothes. I changed my mind at the last minute and just blurted it out, "You're really cute."

She was flattered, but told me, "I have a boyfriend, sorry."

It was great and all to be in a conversation with a girl, but I felt like a fish out of water once I got past the opener. I had no idea what to do after. Definitely should form a plan and get familiar with it so that's less of a problem.

In any case, I switched topics to something more relevant to me. "Haha, that's fine. I'm not looking for a girlfriend," I started. "I actually have an ulterior motive...do you know where the Jamba Juice is around here?"

She gave me directions, we bantered a little more, and I was on my way. I'm not sure why she was so warm to me. Maybe it was because she liked me and saw me and I didn't notice? Or perhaps because that's just the type of person she is. Need more data.

---

Overall, I've got a bit of rust with working my process but I made up for it with increased boldness. If I practice more often and more thoroughly, my results will surely improve.

 

[TouchGrass]

Mystique,

Thanks for the words of wisdom. I didn't consider my situation from that perspective, but what you're saying makes a lot of sense. I do feel like I'm making little progress, and I am uncomfortable with longer conversations. The former I can't do anything about but keep trying. The latter though, I can definitely stick my neck out to fix. I appreciate the analysis, it's really helpful!

Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

Day- Hmmm...what day is it?

So, I fucked up. I got really frustrated with my lack of progress, which coupled with finals and AP Exams and graduation, meant I had plenty of excuses to not go out.

Well, guess what, Alex? You're done with school! Woohoo! While I'm proud that I was able to buckle down and graduate summa cum laude, there's no more excuses anymore.

Now it's time to get off my break and return to the grind. I was feeling really restless today, so I went out to the mall. Recently I've been experimenting with baiting and learning how it works. My goal was to utilize baiting with (4) different girls today.

I failed miserably, but now I'm more familiar with my weaknesses so I'm more prepared for next time. Here are my findings:

---

1) I have a really hard time getting to real conversation after the opener. I've noticed that I become hugely nervous and uncomfortable when the time comes to move the interaction forward. To counter this I'll need to gradually condition myself to be more comfortable with escalation by slowly setting and achieving small goals that will get me used to it. I've noticed that I am extremely hesitant to ask, "So what are you doing today?" "What do you do?" or "Where are you from?" etc.

In other words, I get nowhere because I'm uncomfortable with even the most basic of escalations--simple surface-level questions. So, I will be trying to incorporate them into several conversations I have every day this week.

2) My voice is too soft. Over the past few months and years I've had multiple instances where people would ask me to repeat what I said. I've used the data points to conclude that they legitimately can't hear me sometimes, and that's because I speak too softly. Therefore, I will need to start practicing voice projection every day. After I'm satisfied with my volume, then I'll practice developing a more resonant voice by not putting so much pressure on my hyoid bone. I am confused about what Chase means by "lift the back of your tongue" in his e-book, so I'm making a note to ask about that here.

3) I'm nervous when I approach. I speak quickly, I fidget, I stutter, and I let my eye contact drift when I approach a girl. I don't see a better or more efficient way to overcome my nervousness than to just go out and approach until I've seen it all, so that's what I'll do. However, I will definitely upgrade my fundamentals in the meantime to ensure better receptions when I approach so I get better reactions, and hopefully more motivation to approach.

4) I have too much hesitation. Several times I've let a girl go because I didn't know how to approach smoothly or thought it would be weird. I need to drill it in my head to take action, because that's the best way to achieve reference points that will guide me in the future.

5) I have no idea how to spot girls into me. My skill with peripheral vision is terrible. I need to do more research and figure out how this works.

6) My fundamentals aren't solid enough. Even with my terrible skill, I should be noticing girls looking at me if I'm attractive enough just by the sheer quantity of women checking out the goods. I've read Ross' article and done a little research myself, and concluded that I'll get a gym membership and start working out on a schedule of Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays every week. Each gym incursion will be one hour long, probably beginning around 11 AM, and I will work out two muscle groups for 30 minutes each on high intensity intervals.

7) I still am not sure how to have a sexy walk. I think I should start recording videos of myself and compare it to models' walks.

---

On the bright side, I did manage to ask "So what are you doing today" and "Where are you from?" to (2) random girls I complimented today, but one excused herself soon after (uninterested?) and the other was energetic and seemed like she was friendly to everyone so her "interest" may have just been reactions.

My goal is to really crack down on some basic body, voice, and conversational fundamentals by the end of summer before I head off to college. With those really handled, I'll have an easier time improving my game in the fresh slate university offers.

Peace!
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

05/28/2016

Continuing my promise from yesterday, today I went out to get more comfortable with basic escalations. My goal was to ask (3) people for more information than "How're you doing today?" I choose three questions I could ask:

1) What do you do?
2) Where are you from?
3) What are you up to right now?

It went fairly well, for the most part. I approached women, men, and women/men pairs, mainly focusing on improving my social skills in general. I've noticed that genuine interest openers create the warmest response and gives me the easiest time practicing social skills because the women I genuinely compliment who stick around are much more willing to have a conversation.

There's not much to say. The longest interaction I had was maybe two minutes. All I did was get familiar with small talk and asking surface-level questions, such as "What are you doing today?" "Do you live around here?" and "What do you think of [X Item they're eating]?"

I don't really understand why I was so uncomfortable with these things. It doesn't really seem all that bad. It just requires I show a bit of interest in the other person, and that's hardly a bad thing, right? I confuse myself sometimes.

Anyway, I'm going to start working on getting to the point where I can utilize baiting and practicing that. Perhaps I can do so by deep diving a bit after initial surface-level questions until they're interested enough to ask me.

Peace,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

05/31/2016

So, I accidentally lost the post I was writing for this day, but here's the gist of my analysis of it:

1) Eye contact is EXTREMELY important
2) You should feel much more chill when approaching while shopping
3) How do you eject from conversations smoothly?
4) You need to build more attraction and gain more investment to stay in these conversations longer

---

I was also at the mall the other day when I coincidentally met some of my friends hanging out. I decided to chill with them for awhile when they invited me, since I thought it would be educational to see how they socialized. Most of the guys were pretty high effort except for two, one of which followed the principles of the Law of Least Effort pretty impressively.

This friend, who we'll call J, didn't rush to join in and be involved in the conversation like I often feel the need to. He was very chill, and often quietly listened, but when he did speak he completely captured the whole group's attention. I was impressed by how he made it look so easy to enter center spotlight and tell a joke or story everyone laughed at. Even when he was just listening, I felt like everybody stilled paid a little bit of attention to him just in case he had something to say about the topic.

In contrast, half the time nobody made any note of my comments. To be fair I wasn't very witty, but I think it's the nonverbals and social value I display that also contribute heavily to how much power I have in the group. I'm not sure exactly what it was J did, but he must've had some good fundamentals and social proof on his side.

I noticed that J didn't speak much about himself at all as well. He was never in a rush to tell a story and relate by talking about himself...he preferred to ask the individual speaking for more information or relate by mirroring her emotional sentiment. While I feel an urge to tell a story about myself or make a comment about how I feel, he instead is more interested in the other person and wants to know more. The only time he ever told a story or spoke about his feelings was when he was explicitly asked. I'm not sure how to describe specifically what it is he did, but the overall idea was that he didn't talk much about himself and instead listened and fed back to his conversational partners. I was awestruck by how simple and easy he made it look to do something I really struggled with.

Props to J...usually I don't just sit down and pay attention to how other people act, but I'm glad I did here. I think I have a much better idea of what being smooth and effortless should look like.

---

Tomorrow I'll be practicing baiting. I want to use baiting in conversations with (2) women, and I'll try to figure out how to bait the following three questions out of a girl (my current plan is to ask her and deep dive until she realizes she knows nothing about me and asks):

1) What do you do?
2) What are you up to today?
3) Which school do you go to?/What are you studying?

My answers to elicit intrigue are as follows...

1) I'm a writer...
2) Just getting the ingredients for this delicious recipe!
3) I going to be going to a public research university.../I study interesting topics in life.

That's it for now.

Cheers,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

06/04/2016

Huge surprise!

Recent articles geared towards beginners lately have been HUGELY focused on eye contact as massively important. At the same time, I've also noticed that my own eye contact tends to be much more flighty and weak than I previously believed. So remembering these two things, I focused on maintaining intense eye contact during an approach today. The results were intriguing!

I've posted a field report of my main approach today here. Now, there's a few things I want to note.

1) I had a lot of success with letting go of my inhibition against normal questions. I know, it sounds weird, but I used to really have something against asking standard questions like "What do you do?" and "Where are you from?" It seemed too cookie cutter, and some part of me just couldn't stand doing normal things instead of being as smooth as James Bond all the time. Now I have a bit more perspective. A direct approach is bold enough. You just want to show her you're a cool, normal guy too. The boldness of the opener should stand out.

2) Eye contact is supremely valuable. Hold it longer!

3) Make sure to make your intentions known much more quickly. This girl wasn't sure if I wanted to go on a date with her or not, which shouldn't be the case.

4) You're not so good at building up attraction or tension either. Better go hit the books and practice this.

5) Remember to deep dive more, and don't just let a good topic walk on by.

In any case, despite the mistakes it was a great improvement for me. If I manage to have more conversations like this every day, I'll improve in no time!

Cheers,
Alex