Alex's (Hopefully) Intrepid Path to Mastery

[Mystique]

Hey Chaosblader,

Relating and keeping a conversation
going is harder than I expected. I
went out to Target with a friend of
mine today and ended up failing my
goal today because of it. I wanted to
meet and relate to (2) women today,
but as a result of hanging out with
my pal I didn't approach much at all.
In the future, if I intend to be
approaching girls, I'm better off going
alone without distractions.

At first when I would walk with my friend and try to approach girls it never worked. I'd just be immersed in conversation. So I decided to do it alone. But with time as I walk with him I'd let him know I plan on approaching and sometimes I'd tell him not to talk at all as he's distracting me. Somehow, walking with him made me feel motivated to approach. Perhaps it was a way of proving to him how approaching girls is no big deal. Going out alone is cool but in the day time you might not be able to escape walking with your best friend. Just tell him that you'd like to approach x number of girls that day and that each time you both see any pretty girl, he should push you to approach her.

I've actually
noticed that I've been pointing out
things I really, genuinely find
interesting about some of the women
I approach now, and women seem to
be able to sense my sincerity. They
smile much wider.

Yea, genuine openers/compliments are the best. I always use them. But sometimes I don't find anything particularly captivating and so I try to make something up and the girls could tell I wasn't genuine. So I've decided to use either "I saw you standing her and you looked really interesting so I decided to come introduce myself" or "I saw you walking and you looked really cute so I decided to say hi".

I wonder why she didn't
want to stick around?

Hahaa... what were you expecting Gaming older women would be for more advanced guys (like intermediate to advanced level). I really like the fact that you're approaching older women. That's cool and you shouldn't stop. But I think gaming girls your age or slightly older than you would be more rewarding (that is you could easily sleep with them) for a beginner.

Lessons:
1) Don't look down
2) Compliment women genuinely
3) Use tones and nonverbal body
language to convey playfulnes

All good lessons to learn. Also try to be at ease when you approach and do not rush your words. Meditating could help too. And start approaching as early as possible when your day start. You can even just say "hi I like your dress" and walk away just for warm up sake. It will put you in the mood. Good luck on your task tomorrow.

 

[Bete Noire]

Hey Alex!

These reports are incredibly detailed! Like you i'm a 17 year ol' lad and it's great to see that there's other guys out there tacklin' this stuff ^^

The report with the girl in the bookstore was really good - the fact that you overcame the token resistance and appeared much more genuine was definitely a contributor to that cheeky number grab

Personally I approach girls that look below 25 - just so I can always hook up with 'em if it works out, although you'd be a baller for neckin' some MILF I must concur

Great start to your journey, i'll keep checkin' In and takin' a look,

Got your first fan

- Rob

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 20
03/02/2016

Did not want to go out today. I remember sitting in my car as I was about to head out and thinking to myself, "Why am I trying? I'm just going to get rejected, blown out by every girl I approach...why am I even putting the effort in?"

The feeling nagged at me. I was tempted to call it quits and not even head out, but in the end I decided to do it regardless of my apprehension. I reminded myself of a simple truth: if I quit now I still wouldn't be any better with women. At least if I tried then I had a chance of getting better, however small it seemed.

The goal today was to tease (4) girls AND relate to (2) girls I cold approached today. They could be the same girls, they could be different girls, it didn't matter. I just had to do it.

---

The first girl I approached looked REALLY weirded out when I asked her, "Hey, are you single?"

I suspect it's because I wasn't smiling and was pretty serious about it. I should use genuine interest dynamite, like a slow mile, to increase my opening percentages.

---

One of the girls I approached was this latina who looked stunning in a red dress. This one was funny, actually, and definitely taught me a lesson today.

I started with, "Hey, I was walking by when I saw you over here and I had to come tell you that you look stunning in your red dress today."

She thanked me, and kept walking, but still glanced at me so I tried continuing, "What's your name, by the way?

She introduced herself, and I shook her hand. I spent a few more seconds saying her name and bantering with her since it was a bit unique and I have a hard time remembering names (in fact, I've forgotten at the time of writing this!) "So where did you see me?" she asked.

It was a bit of a weird question, but I told the truth. "I was just passing by over there," I pointed nearby. Then I tried to keep the conversation going. "So what are you doing here today?"

"I'm a student," she said.

I smiled. "Doesn't look much like it...with that sexy outfit of yours, it looks like you're heading out to a business meeting or something."

I think she was about to ask me what I was doing around this point, but at some point she pointed out that she didn't know my name.

I took it as an opportunity to make her work for it. "Well, what do you think it is?" I asked.

"I don't know," she answered, but I wasn't going to give in yet.

"Guess."

"Um...just tell me!" she replied, a bit indignant.

Wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily. "I'll give you a hint: it starts with an A."

"A, hm....Adam?"

"Well, you got one letter right," I said, chuckling a bit. She looked a bit peeved so I figured it was time to stop teasing. "It's Alex."

We then talked some more, though I don't really remember the content of the conversation. I do recall one hilarious point though in which I shook her hand again and she called me out,"Dude, I've shaken your hand like five times already."

I was laughing on the inside, mildly chuckling on the outside. Yes, shaking a hand once is normal. Five times is definitely weird. I didn't realize I was so autopilot about shaking hands. LOL

We then departed, and I suspect she lost a bit of attraction for me at some time in the interaction. Probably when I kept shaking her hand so much. Maybe I could've played it off? "It can't be helped. The way you look makes me keep wanting to shake your hand and meet you again."

Lessons:
1) Shake her hand once, but make it good!
2) Ask for more compliance early on, like asking her to show you jewelry
3) Don't be goofy and laughing like an idiot all the time. Smile and have a good time, but be sexy.

Tease girl (1), done.
---

This other girl I approached who was sitting down. She looked cute from a distance, but turned out to be way less attractive when I saw her face. I decided to talk with her anyways though to be a good sport.

"Hey, I just saw you sitting over here and wanted to come tell you that you have this great hat...its sort of a European style or something, looks good," I began, standing next to her and trying to not face too much of my body towards her.

She was shy, and it took me a few lines of talking about the hat and whatnot for her to start saying more than a couple words as replies. Then I started trying to continue the conversation.

"You look like an artist with that hat and all," I clumsily cold read. It was a technique I knew about, but regretfully, didn't use all that much myself. I should work on incorporating it more during a future outing.

She said she "wasn't all that serious about it," so I figured she meant that she was an artist and did it for fun.

"So as a hobby?" I asked. She affirmed my suggestion.

I remembered an example Chase had used before, so I put it into place here. "Okay, so what sorts of stuff do you draw...landscapes, portraits, nudes...what's your thing?"

She said something about sketches I think, so I suggested, "Human body sketches?" to sort of try to tease her.

After that I didn't much feel like talking to her any longer, so I asked her for directions to the nearby Jamba Juice (which I wanted to get a smoothie at today), and started to bid her adieu. Yet, once again, a girl I didn't find particularly attractive tried to stop me.

"Wait...do you still want to stay in contact?" I think she said, or something along those lines. While I was all for getting numbers from attractive girls, I wasn't going to lead this girl on by pretending I wanted to date her.

Unfortunately, however, I lied. Perhaps there's a more honest way to reject her while still preserving her feelings. "I'm actually going out of town soon," I lied through my teeth. "I'll be moving in like, five days."

I think she accepted that, but I told her I had a nice time meeting her and wished her luck on her studies.

Tease girl (2), done.

---

After a string of rejections, I then saw a cute girl sitting and typing on her laptop. I examined her...casual look, lots of pink, no earphones, and otherwise not preoccupied with something else other than her work. I had a feeling she'd be receptive.

I adjusted my path to come right by her. Just as I was about to pass over I pretended to glance over and see her, then stopped as if I was broken out of my reverie when seeing something spectacular. Also known as the "Sudden Notice" opener.

"Oh, hi!" I said. She looked up and said, "Hi" right back.

"You have a great pink look about you today," I said, remembering first to look into her eyes and THEN look down to gesture at the item I was complimenting afterwards. She thanked me, and I introduced myself, "I'm Alex, by the way."

"I'm B," she answered. We bantered for a few lines about her nickname, B, which actually turned out to be short for another name. In hindsight, I've come to realize the fact that I've talked about her name for a little bit has made it much easier for me to remember. Anyways, I was smiling and chuckling a lot, which might have contributed to a "nice guy" vibe rather than "sexy beast," but she definitely got a little more comfortable.

I figured I might as well try to get a conversation going. "Is this seat taken?" I asked, pointing at the space next to her. It was a line I stole from Richard, the tribal elder, who had recommended it as part of his process with girls sitting down in a post I had read before.

"Oh no, you can sit there," she said, so I took the seat.

"So what are you doing out here today, B?" I asked.

She started explaining, "I'm doing a research paper, actually. I really should be working on it..."

I worked quick to allay her concerns. "I'll only distract you for five minutes," I said with a smile. Looking pleased herself, she replied with an "Ok."

"What's your paper on?" I asked.

"Oh, just about social work and corrections." I don't recall exactly what she said, but it was something like that.

"As in inmate corrections and the like?" I asked, trying to relate and get a better feel for what she was talking about.

We talked for a bit more on the subject. I learned that she was an avid student and enjoyed academics because it was easy compared to work. She had also been school for seven years because she changed majors in the middle from business to social work since she enjoyed helping people more than making money. I garnered from this that she must've been around twenty-five or so. At some point I also teased her for "being a juvenile delinquent when she was young," which she of course denied, so I asked, "How was your childhood?"

I learned some more about her. She was from New Jersey, but moved to California because her boyfriend was offered a job here and she agreed. We talked some more, and I tried to listen to what she said, though I don't think I ended up relating all that much. I did do it a couple times though, though I don't recall.

She then asked about me and what classes I was taking, presumably because she assumed I was a student. I guess I look young still. I lied, saying I was just taking the typical undergraduate general ed courses--which I wasn't; not even in college. B asked me a couple more questions, which I answered. In retrospect I should've given more intriguing answers. Furthermore, it was a good thing she was asking me things because that shows she was hooked.

At some point I pointed out, "Hey, your nails are pink too, to match with your pink look."

"Pink, really? I think it's more coral," she said. I smiled since I planned to make her give me some compliance at this point anyways.

"Here, may I have a look?" I asked, gesturing for her to give me her hand. Perhaps I should command instead of asking next time.

Luckily she complied, and I took her hand in mine, pretending to examine it. "Yup, that's coral all right."

At another point I told her, "Hey, take your sunglasses off."

"Why?" she asked.

"I just want to see your eyes," I answered. Again she complied, and upon doing so I took the opportunity to qualify for as a reward for complying.

"They're beautiful," I commented. They were genuinely a nice green.

After all of this I start to get uncomfortable and didn't really know how to move forward, so I told her, "Anyways, I have a lunch meeting to get to, but you seem like a really cool girl..."

I paused, a moment she took to say a quick "thanks." I continued, "But I'd like to talk to you again sometime. Why don't we go grab a coffee one of these days?"

"I don't know," she said, unsure. "I don't think my boyfriend would like that."

I wasn't actually intending on going out with her, so the boyfriend thing didn't matter much to me. "We'll keep it a secret," I said with a smile.

She denied once again, and we ended up talking some more about something. "Seeing" me on campus or whatever, which I said "no" too because there was no way we were just going to "see" each other on campus if she was so busy (and I didn't even go to school there...but she didn't need to know that). I asked again, "So, how about a grab your number so we can coordinate?"

"I don't know...how about email?" she counteroffered. I didn't like it.

"No, email feels too much like a business to me."

She tried say, "Yeah, exactly!" but I wasn't having any of it.

"It's so boring, just not my style," I replied. I started using an exaggerated tone of voice. "Like, I'll say 'Oh, B, we must have an important meeting to discuss our product sales at 2 PM' or whatever and it'll be terrible."

She laughed, and since earlier she told me she quit business because she didn't like it I realized right then that it was probably a good call to point that out. I asked again for her number, but she rejected another time, so I figured there was probably no reason to keep going for it.

"Well, it was nice meeting you B," I said, and we bid each other adieu.

Tease girl (3), done. Relate girl (1), done.

---

I did a "Sudden Notice" opener on another girl, who I quickly got into some light banter and teasing with. She was about to get up to head to the library because of her allergies and midterms, so I commented, "Ah, so you're going inside to slack off instead. Find a change of scenery."

The interaction was short, and I think she had fun just talking but I didn't get the impression she was into me. Regardless, it was still a nice, playful conversation.

Tease girl (4), done.

---

By this time, even if I didn't realize it, I was pretty warmed up. I remember looking at my phone and nearly bugging my eyes out in surprise. I was only out for 30-40 minutes, and wow, I already must've approached five or six girls. A stark contrast to how quickly I usually approach in my outings.

This was when I saw a cute girl walking by, and so ran up beside her in her peripheral vision as much as I could get, and opened. "Hey," I began, "I just saw you over there and had to come tell you that you have this really interest cheetah...animal look about you."

I made sure to look into her eyes first, and then gesture down once I was pointing out the spotted leggings and interesting shoes. She thanked me, and I then introduced myself. "I'm Alex, by the way."

"I'm AN," she replied. It was a bit of an exotic name, so I spent a few lines trying to get it down.

"So, what are you doing out here today, AN?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm just walking around," she replied. Now this was a surprise. Most girls I meet have a purpose of some sort, but this girl, who later explained to me that she had midterms coming up, was just walking around? Implying that she had time?

We bantered a little bit more, and then I felt a bit awkward standing in the same place for over a minute, so I suggested we move, "Well, since you're just walking, why don't you walk with me?"

After a moment she agreed, "Sure."

I hooked my arm out for her to take, but I don't think she understood. I should've taken it as an opportunity to reduce the amount of personal space between us by telling her to "link arms" or putting my hand behind her back.

Anyways, as we moved for about thirty feet I learned she was majoring in Biomedical Engineering and had been interested in medicine. She was also from another place in California I had never heard of, and had considered being a nurse before.

"I think you'd do great as a sexy nurse," I said with a smile which may or may not have been sexy. She hesitantly said, "Thanks" or something. "Maybe it's a career path you should consider again," I continued.

We stopped by this point, but I noticed she was playing with her hair. If I recall, that meant she was nervous...and attracted.

"That's an interesting bracelet you've got there," I commented, pointing at a piece of jewelry she had on. Turns out it was a watch/bracelet, but I rolled with it.

"May I have a look?" I asked. This was a test of compliance...and it worked. She hesitantly took it off and handed it to me, which wasn't what I wanted, but that was fine.

"I'm not going to steal it, by the way," I said, trying to allay any concern she might've felt. "It's just really interesting."

Then I decided to get compliance by commenting, "And what about that other one?" while pointing towards the bracelet on her other wrist.

She started taking it off, but I stopped her. "You don't have to take it off, just show it to me," I said, gesturing for her to give me her hand. This was fun, and really awesome. I was so insecure at the start of the outing, but now here I was, seeing myself process these situations with a clear head and taking action. I've always been a bit wowed whenever I had an experience like this.

"Is this One Direction?" I asked upon taking a look. AN turned out to be a big fan, and though I didn't know much about One Direction, I related with her about how most people only know one member of bands. With One Direction it was Harry Styles, so I related that was like Adam Levine and Maroon 5. Getting better at this relating thing...yes!

We talked a bit more, but I was getting uncomfortable. I also had a desire in the back of my mind to end this with a kiss close, but truthfully I was too nervous to try it. I think it would be really fun to just kiss a random girl I just met, but it was pretty intimidating. I wasn't sure if I wanted to try it when I had no clue about how to do it, so I chickened out. It seemed way too sudden to just kiss her.

In retrospect, I could've built up to it. Ask her if she knew how to dance and got her to dance with me on the sidewalk. This is to build up some more compliance and increase touch as we're in much closer proximity. Then I could've used the triangle gaze to get her thinking about kissing me, and finally I'll finish off by going for it. It sounds really fun actually. Maybe I'll try it sometime with this process.

Instead I told her, "Anyways, I've got to get going to a lunch meeting, but you seem like a really cool girl. Why don't we go grab a coffee sometime?"

To my surprise, she agreed after only a moment's hesitation, "Sure."

"Okay, how about a grab your number so we can coordinate?" I asked, giving her my phone. I got her number and then bantered with her a little more before bidding her adieu, telling her I'd text her later. Which I have by now, though still no response yet. I'll wait a couple days.

Lessons:
1) Get more investment/compliance if she's as attracted as you think, and go for what you want!
2) Ask her about her logistics...does she live in the area? Does she have roommates? This might've been a girl you could've pulled off the street.
3) Use more Chase Framing and teasing to build a sexual vibe rather than the fun, nicer vibe you have now.

Relate girl (2), done.

Number close!

---

I approach about 12 women total today, maybe a little more maybe a little less. Regardless it's a lot more girls than I usually approach, and in a much shorter timeframe of about 1 and 1/2 hours too. Such cool, much wow.

Several of them rejected me, some bantered with me a little bit, some were in a rush and started running off soon after "Hello."

Regardless, today has been one of my best cold approach days so far. Most interestingly, it comes on the day I most did NOT want to approach. Chase is right; state doesn't matter. To achieve success it's important I go out even when I don't want to. Something about these days gives them the potential of being the best ones you have. Awesome.

Goals accomplished:
Tease (4) girls
Relate to (2) girls

Till next time,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

Hey Mystique,

Nice to see you here in this mosh pit of a journal. Hope your legend is going well so far!

Hey Chaosblader,
At first when I would walk with my friend and try to approach girls it never worked. I'd just be immersed in conversation. So I decided to do it alone. But with time as I walk with him I'd let him know I plan on approaching and sometimes I'd tell him not to talk at all as he's distracting me. Somehow, walking with him made me feel motivated to approach. Perhaps it was a way of proving to him how approaching girls is no big deal. Going out alone is cool but in the day time you might not be able to escape walking with your best friend. Just tell him that you'd like to approach x number of girls that day and that each time you both see any pretty girl, he should push you to approach her.

Definitely, it would be a big help to have someone backing me up and encouraging me as I approached. A wingman, essentially. My current friends aren't much the type to go out and approach women right now though, so I don't think I'll be telling them much about it unless I see a cute girl as we're hanging out and have to approach her. They're not as certified insane as guys like us are, which I get since I was the same way just a few months ago. If I ever meet you or another guy from the GirlsChase boards in my area though, then I'd be totally juiced to have some solid encouragement as I approach

Yea, genuine openers/compliments are the best. I always use them. But sometimes I don't find anything particularly captivating and so I try to make something up and the girls could tell I wasn't genuine. So I've decided to use either "I saw you standing her and you looked really interesting so I decided to come introduce myself" or "I saw you walking and you looked really cute so I decided to say hi".

Good suggestion...sometimes all I've got to say is "I thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that."

Hahaa... what were you expecting Gaming older women would be for more advanced guys (like intermediate to advanced level). I really like the fact that you're approaching older women. That's cool and you shouldn't stop. But I think gaming girls your age or slightly older than you would be more rewarding (that is you could easily sleep with them) for a beginner.

Haha, never really thought about it that much. The age of the girls I approach hasn't really been a factor I consider unless they're obviously 40+. Age is just a number I guess. I'd definitely be lucky if I managed to sleep with any girls my age by the time I'm 18 though; it's troublesome how they always seem to be with parents or friends and rarely alone.

All good lessons to learn. Also try to be at ease when you approach and do not rush your words. Meditating could help too. And start approaching as early as possible when your day start. You can even just say "hi I like your dress" and walk away just for warm up sake. It will put you in the mood. Good luck on your task tomorrow.

Another good suggestion. In the morning I have school, where I generally try to avoid cold approach so I don't get a reputation as "that pickup artist guy" in that more restrictive environment. But I doubt it's all bad of an idea to give a simple compliment to a girl I see. I've done it with a couple guys with cool hats already. Thanks

---

Hey Alex!

These reports are incredibly detailed! Like you i'm a 17 year ol' lad and it's great to see that there's other guys out there tacklin' this stuff ^^

The report with the girl in the bookstore was really good - the fact that you overcame the token resistance and appeared much more genuine was definitely a contributor to that cheeky number grab

Personally I approach girls that look below 25 - just so I can always hook up with 'em if it works out, although you'd be a baller for neckin' some MILF I must concur

Great start to your journey, i'll keep checkin' In and takin' a look,

Got your first fan

- Rob

Rob,

I believe I've seen you around before, Rob! That girl actually texted me that she had a boyfriend and was "sorry for leading [me] on," so it didn't amount to much, but it definitely proved to me that I could be a ballsy and attractive guy to a girl.

It's tough to hook up with women I've found, so I hope you've been faring much better. Personally haven't gotten far past numbers yet

See you around,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 21
03/03/2016

I felt exhausted today. Really low energy. I'm getting worried that this is going to become a trend. As soon as I'm finished with this 30 day challenge I'll be cracking down on fundamentals, and particularly my health habits among them.

Went to a local plaza nearby my place. I didn't approach all that much, and didn't get into real conversations with any girls. Instead I said "hi" to the first guy I saw as a warm up, and ended up having a long, 30-minute interaction. He was a pretty cool dude, but now I regret talking to him for so long, because I saw two cute girls pass by me who I didn't approach because I was too engrossed. If I really liked him I should've grabbed his contact information and then immediately went after those girls before they disappeared on me.

That leads me to a certain understanding of sorts. I'm very relaxed when I say "Hello" to other men. I don't really care about the result and am comfortable just being cool, not really concerned about what happens. I find this makes me much more successful when talking to them because of it. This is the mindset I should be having when I approach women: I should treat opening a beautiful girl as no big deal and be much more relaxed in my approach. I imagine my thinking process will be much more clear and my actions much more decisive as a result, leading, ironically, to greater results.

Another problem: I have a tendency to try to deeply analyze the people I meet and try to figure out some psychoanalytical explanation for their behavior. While it appeals to me, this demands too much critical thinking and is draining, especially in the moment. If I really want to continue doing this I should try afterwards while reflecting. Otherwise it's much more effective, and stimulating I think to try to just get to know the person I'm talking to based on information she or he already knows but just needs my help retrieving. Who the individual is in the present moment. After all, she'll know herself better than whatever wildly unreliable explanation I propose. One of my fundamental goals is to cultivate a love for learning how people think and why they do the things they do, and accepting that without placing value judgements or trying to find a convoluted root reason that fits my worldview. Figure out who she is right now and how she came to be that way in her words.

I did, however, approach a few girls. I called out to a couple women I saw and gave them a quick compliment, but I didn't try to stick to the interaction because it was inconvenient and awkward in the context. However, they responded pretty warmly, which is a plus. I wonder how well that reaction translates into entering extended conversations now that I've improved a bit at opening?

One thing I did well today was not focus too much on what I'm going to say or delivering my opener perfectly today. I was relaxed and nonplussed about it, which I think contributed to coming across as more sincere and genuine.

However, one thing I can improve on is calling out women at a distance who are in a rush and/or look behind and see me approaching them. I've lost at least one girl today because I was too slow.

I'm busier tomorrow, so I plan to have another easy outing I can use to reflect on my mistakes. Then by the weekend I'll work on cracking down on my main sticking points: extended interactions.

One more thing. While thinking about my previous number closes or attempts, I've failed to ask women out on a high note. I do it at awkward lulls in the interaction when I feel an urge to eject. That probably contributes significantly to my many rejections. Need to fix that!

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 22
03/04/2016

Bit late with the report, but better than never. I came home tired yesterday and frustrated with myself. Saw my ex again today and had an urge to talk to her again, but realized soon afterwards that I was being foolish when she went to her new boyfriend. I believe that I still wanted the emotional validation of our old relationship and somehow naively believed that, for some reason, she'd magically realize that she liked me more and would want to be with me again.

I was wrong, and I knew it, but I still made the mistake of hoping for it anyways. It pisses me off. It was weak feeling, reeking of desperation...I didn't realize it until yesterday, but I still wanted to chase after her. And that made me furious with myself. All the time I'm told to move on, to not chase, to get that "one special girl" out of my mind and meet more women, but I didn't follow through.

Yet I'm willing to forgive if I learn my lesson. I need to get her out of my head. Stop thinking about her, and stop comparing other women to her. Start enjoying the company of other girls for who they are rather than how they measure up to my ex. It's hard to stomach these internal insecurities I've discovered inside me, but it's not impossible. Besides, I don't have much choice other than to press on. Nothing will change if I just stay where I am.

I think I get what Chase means by grit a lot more now. I suck, and I know I suck. I keep swinging and I keep missing and I don't know how long or how many more swings it'll take before I hit something, but I keep on swinging regardless because I can't stand the thought of resigning myself to never hitting anything ever.

Something about relating with other people I've always known about but never understood also became more clear to me yesterday. Often times I don't know how to relate, especially to people sharing deep pain. But after sitting alone in my car for half an hour staring at the dashboard and reflecting on my feelings, I get it better now. In that situation, I'd want someone to be able to feel and express the same somber emotions I had, not bombard me when overwhelming positivity as if she doesn't understand the reality of what I was feeling. This, I think, is the secret to the empath's power to relate. Her ability to feel the same emotions as the person she's talking to her gives her the power to relate on an emotional level and build that all important emotional connection.

I can stand to try to better understand the emotions people are experiencing and relate to it based on my own emotional highs and lows in life.

---

Reflection aside, I approached two girls yesterday. My only goal was to approach, wasn't really concerned about targeting anything. The first was at Jamba Juice while I was ordering a drink. I came in and saw her standing off to the side, and direct seemed awkward to me in food places like Jamba, so I went with situational. Took a few moments to come up with something, and it really wasn't all that witty, but it worked surprisingly well. I think my standards for situational are too high and that leads me to fail to approach sometimes because I can't come up with the perfect line in appropriate scenarios.

Anyways, I walked up next to her. I didn't say anything for a second, but I was in her peripheral vision, and I think I saw her turn her head towards me. That's when I opened, "Hey, don't you think that grass over there looks almost edible?"

I pointed over at a bit of decoration grass behind the counter. She responded fairly warmly, agreeing with me. I don't recall the exact specifics of the conversation, but I do know that we bantered a little bit.

She said something about how she probably wouldn't eat grass like someone she knew because it was gross, and I recall myself almost stumbling. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something like, "Well..." and be a smartass playing devil's advocate, but I caught myself. Instead I said, "I suppose you'd be willing to eat anything when you're desperate, right?"

I think that worked well to my favor because I wasn't rejecting her conversation, but rather relating to the same emotional sentiment as her statement. It's gross, yup, and even if it's gross you'll eat it if you're hungry enough. I should aim to do this more often.

At that point it felt a little weird to be totally situational, so I made it indirect-direct. A bit awkwardly, I added in after a little bit of banter, "I just saw you over here and had to come tell you that you have the most gorgeous platinum hair I've seen all day. I'm Alex."

In retrospect, I should have jumped into that directness immediately, or just made the compliment natural. For example, staring into her eyes and telling her that they were beautiful, or giving a compliment after some other sort of tension. Waiting until after we already had a few lines of banter seemed off to me.

I learned that she was working in pharmaceutical sales because she had a biology degree and didn't know what else to do with it, which was interesting. I didn't deep dive much because she got her drinks and bid me adieu, but perhaps I could've persisted and compelled her to stay? Then get the conversation rolling more?

Lessons:
1) Lower standards for situational opener. It doesn't need to be perfectly witty.
2) Relate on an emotional level.
3) Ask for more early investment to reach the hook.

---

The next girl I approached because I was bored. I walked over and said, "Hey, I like the teal streak in your hair. It's really cool."

She thanked me, and I introduced myself. I learned that she was a performer in the show we were at, and we bantered a little bit. She told me a little about how she felt about performing, but I didn't know much about how to relate at the time. I told her, "Yeah, it's okay to be nervous," but I think I could've done a better job of creating an emotional connection. I could've thought about a time I was nervous about doing a show and shared it with her.

The girl mentioned she was an artist at some point after deciding to stop doing choir, so I asked her about that. "You mentioned you were an artist?"

I teased her using Chase's line: "What sort of art do you do? Landscapes, anime, nudes...what's your thing?"

We eventually reached an awkward lull where I didn't know what to say any longer which I reach a lot. I should make it a goal of mine to try to continue as long as possible past this point so I get more reference points on what causes it and how to get out of it. I bid her adieu, saying, "Oh, I see my friend over there. I should go say hi, but it was nice to meet you!" and departed.

---

Oh, wait, I approached one more girl. After leaving the event I was at, now feeling frustrated, pissed, and anguished, I wanted to do something. Anything. So I went out to the local coffee shop and decided I'd try approaching a girl.

It went pretty badly. I saw a girl sitting down, and after ordering my drink, came up to the seat next to her. "Hey, finished typing up your plan to take over the world?" I said, trying to be playful. I should've used a slow smile and playful expression to communicate my meaning better. She smiled and didn't reply, going right back to work. It left me lost...she smiled, but didn't say anything. No response.

I clumsily tried to continue. "I'm kidding. I just thought you were cute and wanted to come tell you that," I blurted out, pulling out a seat and then sitting with my back turned to her because I felt embarrassed. Now that was a bit of a fumble...perhaps I shouldn't have panicked and should've calmly proceeded in persisting, continuing to try to get her to say something like a cool, confident guy.

In any case I went home after that, not seeing many other cute girls readily available to approach (several were engrossed in conversation with guys, maybe on dates?), and figured I had a lot of reflecting to do anyways. It was definitely a day to remember.

My next goal: tackle my most recent sticking point of hooking women in.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 23
03/05/2016

Goals for my outing today:
1)Approach at least (10) women
-(2) of those approaches MUST be ones where I hesitated, feel hesitant or unsure, or otherwise think might be an awkward approach but go for it anyways

2)Tease every girl I meet about something within (30) seconds of meeting them

3)Ask for investment from (2) girls.

To make a long story short, I failed. I succeeded in approaching somewhere between 12-16 women today, yes, but I couldn't get most of them to stick around with me...almost all of them ejected themselves immediately following the opener or didn't contribute at all to my attempts at conversation. Damn, there must be something wrong about how I'm doing this.

As a result I failed to be able to tease every girl I met, though I think I did tease a few so that wasn't too bad. I didn't ask for investment from any girls because I was struggling with getting into a longer conversation anyways, so that's also a minus.

I'll go over the best and worst approaches, as well as some other memorable ones.

---

One of my first girls in the outing was shopping in the jeans section of one of the outlets in the mall. I didn't have much witty things to comment on, so I just plowed right on through.

"Hey, do you know where the jeans are around here?" I said with a grin. I think I should've gone for a more playful expression.

"Uh, these are jeans," she answered, looking confused.

I replied, "I'm kidding, I just thought you were cute and had to come meet you. I'm Alex" using my best attempt at genuine interest dynamite.

She immediately said, "Oh thanks, but I have a boyfriend."

At that point I wasn't sure what to say. I went with "I'm just here to say 'hi,'" and tried to continue the conversation, but it quickly died off with her minimal responses. How do I get women more committed to talking with me right away?

Maybe I could've had stronger fundamentals. Better eye contact, slower movements, more playfulness in body language, stuff like that.

---

This other girl I approached I hesitated with because she was talking to someone else, but remembering my goal, I decided to try it anyways a little bit after she finished. So I walked over, tapped her shoulder, and went with it. "Hey, quick question...are you single?"

She showed me her ring. "No, engaged actually," she said.

I was a bit surprised, but not put too off my game. "Ah. I take it he's a real stand up guy then?" I said, trying to casually address the topic. She, of course, answered "yes."

"Well, maybe it's time for an upgrade," I said. I think it was a line I stole from Vadim from Honest Signalz. He's a fun guy by the way, check him out on YouTube.

She laughed and offered me some sort of product. I guess she was a salesgirl. I took a moment's pause, then told her, "Haha, not interested."

I guess she took that as the time to eject then, because she left right after.

Things I could've done better:
1) Use more playful facial expressions and body langauge
2) Stronger eye contact and lingering touch
3) Figure out how to say things in a way that gets women attracted

---

My favorite approach was this girl I saw while shopping for V-necks at Forever 21. Pretty fun and friendly, which was a nice change of pace to all the confused looks and quick ejections I've been getting recently.

She was wearing this interesting set of clothes, so I went up to her and told her, "Hey, I just saw you over here an wanted to come tell you that you have this really interesting, exotic style. I'm Alex."

Thanking me, she introduced herself as Carolina. I teased her a bit, commenting about how "It's a bit warm to be wearing that many layers," so she "must've been from a warm country." Turns out I was right! She told me she was from Mexico.

Finally finding a chance to put my Spanish classes to use, I replied, "Ah, me gusta Mexico!"

We bantered a little more. I learned she didn't shop too often, and we commiserated with each other about receiving ugly sweaters and poorly fitted birthday gifts. I did not deep dive however, which must've been my mistake. I didn't try hard enough to get to know her as a person.

I did tease her about being at the mall "to shop for boytoys" though, and for being the type of woman that "sends men out to shop for her," trying to imply she's a naughty girl and I'm onto her.

In any case, eventually it got a bit awkward after bantering for a bit because I didn't think to try to deep dive at the end, so I bid her adieu. One thing I did a lot of was repeat her name over and over again while we were having a conversation. The idea was that I'd remember it better the more I said it, and I was right.

Things I could've done better:
1) Deep dive! Get to know the girl you're talking to, dummy.
2) You looked at her first, which is a no no. Pre-open, use the principles of strong, sexy eye contact.
3) Playful facial expressions

---

This next girl was interesting, to say the least. I saw her looking at me while I was walking in her direction, so I made eye contact and just said, "Hi."

After a brief exchange in which I got to know a few basic details about her, and in which I lied again about being a college student, she started spouting her qualifications at a mile per minute.

I guess this is what Chase meant by trying to impress with overloaded value doesn't work. She started talking about how she had her own company, was partners with Apple and Microsoft and several other big namedrop corporations, excitedly going on about it, and meanwhile I kept a smile on my face and made little comments like "Oh, wow that's cool," or "Very impressive."

The thing was, I started auto-rejecting her. This was a girl that was the same age as me who was clearly way more successful. I guess I felt my ego take a beating like girls who auto-reject do, and so I quickly left the conversation. "Anyway, I have to go...but it was nice to meet you!"

Being on the other side really puts things into perspective. I can definitely commiserate now, I get how it feels to be the target of this. Definitely shouldn't make the same mistake as this girl in the future.

On a side note, I think she was really into me which was why she was trying to qualify herself so hard. If I liked her as much I would've stuck around too, but I wasn't all that attracted.

---

I next approached a girl who was working at the time, putting some clothes back on the rack. I walked up beside her so I think she noticed me, and then said, "Hey, you think they have one of these in my size?" while pointing at a pair of heeled boots that didn't look designed for women.

She seemed confused. "In men's?"

I tried keeping a playful expression, but perhaps I should work on that mischievous vibe more...nonverbally communicating that I'm not serious.

"I'm kidding," I assured her. "I just saw you over here and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you. I'm Alex."

She introduced herself. I think here I made the mistake of turning away from her...should I have faced her more? I tried not to give her my full body, but maybe giving her my back for a few moments was just as bad.

"So what are you doing out here today?" I asked.

"Just working," she said. Pretty normal response, but I didn't know how to respond.

"Ah...so, how do you like working here?"

"I like it," she answered. Again, this is the part of the interaction I don't really know what to do in.

"Think you'll do it forever?" I asked

"No," she said. Then she told me about how she wanted to be a makeup artist and was going to school for it, and decided to do it because she did work for high school prom and stuff earlier and liked it. Didn't know how to relate, didn't know how to continue the conversation after that, so I sort of let it die out and bid her adieu. I should really take a look at some example conversations and figure out how they progress after the first bit of deep diving.

---

The final girl of the outing I was directly moving towards on my way out of the mall. Usually I don't like this direct from the front approach because it displays all of my body language, but noticing my hesitation I decided to do it anyways.

"Hey, quick question..." I began, pausing for a moment while she pointed her attention towards me. "Are you single?"

"No, I have a boyfriend," she answered with a smile.

I tried casually addressing it again. "Ah, is it serious? Like you're going to get married?"

I think she said, "Yes," to which I replied, "Hmm, well maybe it's time for an upgrade."

The conversation got a bit awkward after that because I didn't know how to continue, so I ejected and the day was over.

---

Things I need to learn to do:
1) Playful facial expressions, communicate that I'm not serious nonverbally
2) Figure out how to relate to deep diving and continue conversations
3) Have stronger eye contact, don't look down.

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 24
03/06/2016

I've noticed a change. It's easy to give a random compliment to someone, a girl or guy, attractive or unattractive. It's a stark contrast to how I felt paralyzed to say anything to random strangers before. At the same time, while direct openers are still scary, it's not too hard to just deliver the line anymore. I think it's time to really start working on cracking down on my fundamentals and delivery.

My goals today:
1) Approach at least (10) women
2) Don't look down when approaching; look into their eyes instead
3) Stay relaxed and calm

I tend to have trouble carrying conversations on beyond "Hello," so I also wrote down a list of questions I could ask to keep it going. I think I'll try to memorize this list so if I'm ever stuck again I have something to turn to. I'll list it as follows:

1) "So what are you up to today?"
2) "You come to X PLACE often?"
3) "What do you do in our fair city?"
4) "Are you a local to these parts, or do you hail from faraway lands?"
5) "That's an interesting Y ACCESSORY...where'd you get it?"

In any case, I failed today. I thought my eye contact was alright, but I have a bad habit of breaking eye contact to gesture towards whatever I'm complimenting before I've even opened, or looking away from the girl in some other way as I'm opening her. I suspect it shows that I'm a bit nervous. One of my new goals in an outing will be to make and hold eye contact for the entire duration of my opener. However, I did end up approaching around 12-16 girls today. I talked to and complimented more, but I don't really count them because they weren't attractive girls or I used a situational opener with them.

---

The outing started out alright. I realized I'd need to start approaching right from the get-go, so I started off by giving a few innocent compliments to people I saw passing by. It didn't matter if they were attractive, I just wanted to get the social momentum going.

One of my better approaches was this girl who was about to pass by me, but I called out to stop her, "Hey, quick question!"

She turned to look at me, and now I had her attention. I pointed towards a nearby dress, "Do you think they have any of those in my size?"

"Um..." she answered hesitantly, confused. I smiled.

"I'm kidding," I said. "I just saw you walking over there and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you. I'm Alex."

I put my hand out, and she took it.

"So what are you doing out here today?" I asked.

"Just shopping...kinda," she replied.

"How do you just 'kinda' shop?" I asked, quizzical.

She clarified, "I'm shopping for my mom."

At this point I got the vibe that she wasn't all that interested since she started to move away to check out other dresses, but I followed along a bit, if at a distance.

"You a prolific mom-shopper?" I said, trying to keep the conversation going. She asked me to repeat myself, which I did. Instead I should've said, "Not important," or something like that and tried moving on to something else.

A few moments later I started walking directly towards her again. I think this might have scared her or something, because she got more flighty as I closed the space between us. Well, oops? Guess I made it too startling. Make it more gradual next time.

In any case, she ejected, but I was grinning anyways because I got farther than the opener at least.

I think I could've done a better job using my body language and facial expressions to communicate playfulness. Also, I looked at her first. Eye contact could use work as well. Mostly fundamental work rather than game it seems like.

---

Later had a pretty decent approach. I was shopping for a new shirt when one of the girls working there came up to me and asked the customary, "How're you doing?"

I didn't really expect her to come approach me rather than the other way around, so I took a second to figure out what to say. "Well, I got two questions," I began. She enthusiastically told me to go right ahead.

"First, do you think they have one of these in my size?" I asked, pointing towards a nearby dress. I was being satirical, but definitely could've done used some more facial expressions to communicate that. She started smiling so I think she got that I was kidding, which was good. She started saying something which I don't recall, but I stopped her before it went too far.

"I'm kidding. Which leads to my second question...are you single?"

"No, I have a boyfriend, sorry," she answered. Common response to that opener.

"Hold on," I told her as she started to turn away, probably thinking I was done. No way! "I just realized you were cute when you came up to talk to me and wanted to tell you that. I'm Alex."

In retrospect, this sounds pretty bad. Perhaps I shouldn't have went with those particular words...in fact, perhaps I should've asked "Are you single" at the very beginning instead of doing some convoluted indirect-direct approach.

Anyway, I talked with her for a little bit. Chatted about how she was from California, but moved here from New York because of her mom's job. She liked sunny-side California better, of course.

I started getting a bit anxious here because while she was staying to talk to me, it still felt awkward. I was talking at a mile per minute, probably because I was nervous, and while she was smiling and responded to what I was saying I had a feeling she was feeling stuck here because it was her job. So I ejected.

I could've got to the point much quicker here. Fundamentals, like eye contact, slower speaking, and facial expressions, could've used work.

---

I had another hilarious yet demoralizing approach. I was walking along when I saw this girl about to pass by me, so I stopped her right as she was about to. "Hey, quick question!" I said. "Do you think they have one of these in my size?"

I pointed towards an article of clothing definitely not designed for men. She smiled, giving me a bit of a confused but humored response. It seemed to be going well so far, so I said, "I'm kidding. I just saw you over there and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you."

That's when this other lady, who I presumed was her mother or some other relative, nearby abruptly stepped in. "Hey, she's fourteen, so back off," she snapped. I raised my hands up, surprised but also amused.

"Really?" I said out loud. She didn't look that young, but I suppose I should've expected there to be young girls in the mall.

The other lady seemed a bit protective, perhaps overly so, to the point of being a bit rude, but I got the point. We both started moving away, but I had to get in the exit line. "Regardless, you look really nice today," I said.

It was a bit of an ego blow since I got the impression I was perceived as a creep, but it also shows me that my fundamentals probably weren't enough in check. If they were, I was probably much less likely to be looked at as some weird guy approaching girls and probably would've been able to have a conversation.

---

I complimented several other girls who were in a rush, but they didn't seem willing to stop and talk. Right after my opener they'd start walking away again, politely saying "thanks" but apparently uninterested in me or something. Damn!

I had this interesting approach while waiting for the crosswalk after exiting the mall. I saw a girl coming towards me from about 50 feet away, but decided to look away and pretend I didn't notice her until she got right next to me. That's when I noticed she had a fascinating set of heels with stars on them, so I commented on it.

"Hey," I began. She said "hi" right back, probably presuming I was being polite. I decided to keep going anyways. "You have these really awesome star shoes. They're cool."

I think I said it in a nice way more than a sexy way. Just intuition. We had some small talk, I asked her about where she got her shoes from, whether or not they were her favorite, and how she considered herself a fashionable person but it was an expensive hobby. Then it sort of died out there and I wished her a good day.

Consistently my conversations are just fizzing out before the hook. It's about 95% my fault. Maybe more like 99.999% my fault. In any case, it's failing because I'm letting it die out because I'm anxious and don't know what to do. I really need to fix this, figure out how conversations are supposed to go and follow that process until it's intuitive.

---

Two times I approached girls who weren't alone, which I haven't done ever. The first was a girl walking with her mom who had really authentic and nice looking pink hair, which I just had to comment on. It was a bit weird but, come on, it was pink hair that didn't look like shit. I had to tell her.

I was a bit nervous so I let myself be a bit nice to take some of the anxiety off. "Excuse me, ladies. I just saw you walking there and I wanted to tell her," I said, looking specifically at pink-hair girl, "That you have the most incredible bright pink hair I've seen all day."

They both were pretty flattered it seemed, and started telling me about it. I asked a few questions. Apparently they custom did all the work involved in the hair, including making the dye. I made a few "Wow" or "That's cool" or "No way" statements along the way. I think I was a bit too enthusiastic...should've been more bored?

Anyways, it then got a bit awkward because I didn't know what to do again, so I bid them adieu. Still, it was my first time approaching a girl who wasn't alone, which was nice!

I did something similar a little while later, commenting on another girl with this unique hairstyle, but it didn't play out quite as well either. Her friend was mostly the one talking to me for a few lines about the hair and I bid them both adieu.

---

My best approach of the outing was a girl I saw while passing by the food court. I saw her walking by and went over.

"Hey...I was passing by when I saw you walking over here and I had to come tell you that you had the most incredible earrings I've seen all day. I'm Alex," I said, improvising on the spot. I only noticed the earrings as I saw her face.

She thanked me, and I started teasing her about her earrings. They were flowery like a peacock, so I joked that she was walking around the mall and peacocking.

We talked a little more, mostly about a couple of random things. She was a student at a nearby community college, thinking of transferring to the university downtown. She said she wanted to be a teacher, which was when I teased her again about peacocking in class. I could've gotten to know her ambitions and motivations for becoming a teacher!

I asked her where she was from. She lived in the city next door (does that really count as being a different city if they share a border?) and told me she knew the area well. I could've learned more about her childhood here.

Anyways, at this point I got a bit uncomfortable standing in the middle of the hall, so I told her, "Hey, let's not get run over. Why don't we move over there?"

"Sorry, I have to get back to work," she told me. I tried persisting.

"Come on, you've got one minute...NAME," I said. I think I might've had too much of an inflection change in my voice so it wasn't a very sexy command, and it felt like I was chasing her. So of course she left, deciding not to move with me. Though a bit disappointed, I was still pretty happy I got past "hello," so it wasn't all bad.

---

There was a couple of times I recall when a girl would say, "Oh my God that's so sweet of you, that's such a nice compliment!" when I gave a direct opener, which irked me. It felt like I was being treated like a cute, platonic animal, not a sexy man. Another time I showed a bit of social uncalibration when teasing a girl about being a pimp and sending out her "little boys," which I realized was totally weird after I said. She corrected me, saying the right term was "men," which I'd totally agree with now. Definitely avoid pedophilia

In any case, I'm pretty sure fundamentals are my problem. Here's a list of what, I think, are the biggest flaws I have:

1) Eye contact
2) Social calibration
3) Sexy/playful facial expressions and body language
-My movements are a bit jerky or feminine sometimes. I sometimes remind myself of the fabulous gay men I've encountered over the years...not good. I should slow down.
4) Voice

That's not including appearance, which I've been steadily upgrading but it takes a bit of time. Those four above are things I can get to handling right away though, so they'll be my priorities.

I'm really starting to realize the magnitude of the task ahead of me...gotta remember to handle this one step at a time.

 

[Smith]

Hey Alex,

You're taking so much action it's inspiring man. Don't judge yourself. You did great! who has the balls to do that?

Some advice on girls not wanting to stay right after you give them a compliment. Your intent is not clear. This is so key. A part of you want to talk to her. Another part of you want her to give you good reaction. Another part of you don't want her to leave right after you open. Then another part of you is worried about what to say after. That's why most girls just give you a cold shoulder. The energy you project is icky when your intent is unclear. You have to want her to stop. You have to want her to contribute to the conversation. Not to validate you, but to share. You're here to share with her. She's already on your team!

In any case, I failed today. I thought my eye contact was alright, but I have a bad habit of breaking eye contact to gesture towards whatever I'm complimenting before I've even opened, or looking away from the girl in some other way as I'm opening her. I

You're on the right track here. Breath deeply into your balls when you're walking up to the girl, then it's easy to hold eye contact because breathing makes you relaxed. Imagine holding your breath and try to hold eye contact, your eyes kinda bulges out and it's not good.

She turned to look at me, and now I had her attention. I pointed towards a nearby dress, "Do you think they have any of those in my size?"

"Um..." she answered hesitantly, confused. I smiled.

"I'm kidding," I said. "I just saw you walking over there and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you. I'm Alex."

You didn't pause long enough for her to answer because you probably couldn't handle the social pressure. One thing I want you to try is pause right after you give her a compliment. In fact, do two full deep breaths when you pause. Just get used to the social pressure and give her space.

A tip about your conversation is that you can basically say whatever you want. Don't worry about the content of the conversation most of the time. She probably won't even remember what you said, but she'll remember how you made her feel, so have fun. Say whatever feels good to you, and that will transfer onto her.

Good luck =) Wish you the best!

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 25
03/07/2016

Another day where I was tired and didn't want to go out. Gloomy rainy weather didn't help much either, which is ironic--I know the rain's supposed to make me happy with the drought and all, but damn if it isn't a downer on the mood.

Anyways, I had a few simple goals today. I wanted to tackle my eye contact skills, so I focused primarily on making & holding eye contact and pre-opening when I approached.

Goals:
1) Pre-open at least (4) girls today
2) Make and hold eye contact while talking to (4) girls
3) Don't look down upon approach!

The first two I succeeded with, the last one I had trouble on. I reverted back to my bad habits a few times and looked down, so I kept approaching until I accomplished my goals.

---

The outing started off a bit poorly. I went to the local plaza nearby, which doesn't tend to be all that busy, but I wasn't in the mood to travel all that far so I went somewhere close by. At the very beginning I saw a cute girl walking towards my direction but got a bit nervous since she looked a bit closed off and ended up chickening out. Made me a bit frustrated...if we're walking directly towards each other, should I stop her or wait till she passes and then open, even though she already saw me walk past her?

Anyways, I started building up social momentum by complimenting random people. I wasn't focused on finding only attractive women because I didn't expect there to be that many, and besides, it doesn't seem terrible to talk to other people when I'm just practicing some basic fundamentals.

Today I was really off my game. My approaches were awkward, I looked down a ton, broke eye contact too early, I stuttered, forgot was I about to say as I was saying it, made so many mistakes. Don't know why, but it was cringeworthy for me. Luckily I still managed to get a couple of decent approaches in though, which I'll try to record here.

---

One of my better approaches was this girl I saw looking at cards at Target. I knew I wanted to open indirect-direct, but couldn't think of anything clever to say. However, because I remembered how frustrated I'd feel when I miss an approach because I lacked a witty line, I decided to go for it anyways.

I walked by and came in next to her, tapping her elbow and waiting for a quick moment (.5-1 second) before I turned over to look at her. I made sure to keep my eyes on the hers--more specifically, the bridge of her nose.

"Hey, you think they have any cards for... brothers...fifth removed...on the father's side...who are also cousins?" I said, improvising on the spot. I didn't want it to seem like a serious question, so even though I went with something innocuous at the beginning I quickly escalated to a little bit outrageous after that.

She seemed to realize I was kidding as I kept adding on. "Well, I don't know about anything like that," she said with a smile.

I chuckled a little. "I'm kidding," I said. "I just saw you over here and thought you had a marvelous look, so I had to come meet you. I'm Alex."

"Oh, well, okay! I'm V," she said, sounding a bit flattered and something else I couldn't quite put a finger on. Perhaps nervous or a bit excited because she was talking a little fast.

"Nice to meet you, V," I replied. I think I should stop using this particular line because it's commonly accepted as a polite greeting, which is an image I want to get away from. Instead I should say "Hi, NAME!" next time to subtly introduce a more casual frame.

"So what are you doing out here today, V?" I asked. I tried to deep dive a bit, and learned that she was buying a card for her mom. She was a solid Christian and worked with a local ministry. I'm not too big a fan of super religious types myself, but because I spent a lot of my childhood around them I could relate. I told her that my mom was a very religious person as well, and I learned a lot about the Christian/Catholic culture just by being around her.

Then we moved on. I learned that she was going to school to do some sort of social work, preferably in education. She wanted to work with kids and work more personally with them than a teacher would. I could've asked what made her so interested in working with kids, and the other types of professions she'd consider, or even the hobbies she had. I think I'm understanding deep diving a bit more now. It's not going on one topic and diving to the bottom of the ocean, trying to figure out some convoluted psychoanalytical explanation for her behavior, that creates a feeling of connection. It's going deep enough on tons of different topics so I know about her motivations, emotions, feelings, and experiences from her point of view about so many different things she feels like I know everything. If I just knew her really well on one topic, we probably wouldn't feel as connected.

At this point I suspect something about the conversation was off, because she started moving away and bid me adieu. ejecting herself.

I believe this was Eye Contact Girl (3) and Pre-Open Girl (3) as well, but she might also have been a later number. Wasn't counting this outing.

Lessons to learn:
1) Learn to branch off to other topics
2) Be more relaxed and speak slower
3) Hold stronger eye contact

---

The next girl I saw while walking around Walgreens. I saw her squatting down near some items, so I came up and squatted right next to her.

"Looking at something interesting?" I asked.

She seemed confused. "Sorry, sir?"

I suppose it made sense she wouldn't get it, since it wasn't a particularly witty opener. So I flipped to direct immediately. "I'm kidding, I just saw you over there and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you. I'm Alex."

She introduced herself, and I continued, "So what are you doing out here today?"

"Just working," she answered.

"Ah, yeah, I can see the uniform now," I said, having not seen the uniform that was visible from the front but looked totally normal from the back. I tried fumbling with something else to say. "Do you like working here?"

"Yeah," she replied. Of course, they always say that.

"Think you'll do it forever?" I asked again after a few moments. The air between us was getting a bit awkward, but I didn't want to eject yet.

"No," she said. I asked her about what she wanted to do and learned she was in school. I guess we had a few mixups in communication because I couldn't quite hear what she said on a few things, might've made her auto-reject me a little bit since I thought she said totally different things from what she did.

In any case, after about another minute it was really awkward with me just being there. I stood up and moved a tiny bit away in the middle of the interaction, feeling weird squatting next to her, and was finding it harder and harder to saying anything in a non-clumsy way. When it got to be too much I ejected, bidding her adieu, and moved on.

I think she was either Eye Contact and Pre-Open girl (5) or (6). Again, wasn't counting this time.

Things I can do better:
1) Maintain close proximity more
2) Stronger eye contact
3) Be more comfortable with social pressure

---

Overall, not too good a day, but not too bad.

It also concludes the end of Day 25, which is really exciting. I can't believe I've been going out nonstop for 25 days now...crazy how far away this seemed 3 weeks ago. I've been thinking that, hey, maybe it wouldn't be too hard to do like a 100 day challenge too. It'd just be doing this same thing I've just finished doing another 3 times. At the same time, it's also intimidating. I don't know how long it'll be before I burn out if I keep going like this. Should just focus on getting to 30 days for now.

 

[TouchGrass]

Hey Smith,

Thanks for the words of encouragement! I appreciate it, going to need every little bit of help I can get.

Some advice on girls not wanting to stay right after you give them a compliment. Your intent is not clear. This is so key. A part of you want to talk to her. Another part of you want her to give you good reaction. Another part of you don't want her to leave right after you open. Then another part of you is worried about what to say after. That's why most girls just give you a cold shoulder. The energy you project is icky when your intent is unclear. You have to want her to stop. You have to want her to contribute to the conversation. Not to validate you, but to share. You're here to share with her. She's already on your team!

Huh, that makes sense. It's also eerie how you seem to strike all the right points on how I'm feeling when I approach a girl; perhaps there's a psychic somewhere around here?

I'll look into it, that might be the X factor that I'm really struggling with now. Thanks.

You're on the right track here. Breath deeply into your balls when you're walking up to the girl, then it's easy to hold eye contact because breathing makes you relaxed. Imagine holding your breath and try to hold eye contact, your eyes kinda bulges out and it's not good.

Pardon...I get that you're giving me solid advice, but "breath deeply into your balls?" LOL something about that makes me laugh my ass off.

Okay, so I should breathe deeply and relax when I approach. But what exactly does "breath deeply into your balls mean?"...LOL

You didn't pause long enough for her to answer because you probably couldn't handle the social pressure. One thing I want you to try is pause right after you give her a compliment. In fact, do two full deep breaths when you pause. Just get used to the social pressure and give her space.

Okay, yeah, that's a good point. I get uncomfortable pretty quick with the tension that builds up when I'm just looking at a girl and not saying anything. Thanks, I'll work on it.

A tip about your conversation is that you can basically say whatever you want. Don't worry about the content of the conversation most of the time. She probably won't even remember what you said, but she'll remember how you made her feel, so have fun. Say whatever feels good to you, and that will transfer onto her.

You're probably right. When I was just starting out something like that wouldn't have made much sense to me--I have to say something to her, after all--but after having somewhere close to ~100 approaches under my belt I can say it makes a lot of sense.

My problem is I struggle with getting anywhere because I make small talk about things that are boring to me, and I think a bit of that vibe transfers to the girl. The result is we're talking about something I feel is not so interesting and she starts feeling less engaged because I'm providing boring feelings, not exciting ones! Hmm, I wonder how I can fix that...perhaps by changing the mindset in which I view the approach?

Rather than see us as having to talk about some deep philosophical topic in order to have an exciting conversation, maybe I can focus more on how I'm enjoying just being and interacting with the girl herself.

It's a little bit abstract and I'm having a hard time putting it into words, but I think I need to be trying to focus on imparting the positive emotions I'm feeling from living life and having the cojones to approach a beautiful girl. On lighting up mirror neurons in her brain that imitate the fun and lighthearted, maybe even sexy attitude I have even when talking about "boring" things like walking, the weather, grass, etc.

Anyways, I appreciate you dropping by, Smith. I was about to check out your journal actually; it's on my bookmarks bar. Hopefully I'll get to it one of these days and see how your journey's been!

Cheers,
Alex

 

[Smith]

No problem man!

But what exactly does "breath deeply into your balls mean?"...LOL

yup. it's exactly what you think it means. literally breath deep into your abdomen and into your balls. like push your diaphragm down as you breath in. Your belly should rise as well.

You can talk about grass, milk, Jonas brothers, whatevz, as long as you speak with certainty and authority and there's emotion behind it. Get this sorted first. Get to the point where you're talking for the sake of joy rather than trying to reach an end goal, e.g. phone number, dates. Talk to unattractive girls too. Why? because you're not working for an outcome, and you'll feel what it's like to talk without filter and have fun.

maybe I can focus more on how I'm enjoying just being and interacting with the girl herself.

That's the frame you want to come from. A sharing frame. share the fun. If the girl walk away, there's no rejection there is there?

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 26
03/08/2016

Goals today:
1) Hold strong eye contact when approaching (4) girls today.
2) Pre-Open (4) girls today.
3) Breathe deeply and relax when approaching

The closest Trader Joe's, while a fair distance away, turns out to be filled with tons of cute girls. Even during off hours. Definitely a good place to continue investigating as a regular venue.

---

The outing started out decent. Right as I left my car I saw a lady walk by and I immediately gave her a compliment directly from the front. I wasn't trying to be smooth, just building the social momentum right away.

I struggled with a few instances of approach anxiety, but eventually I passed by this girl who smiled as our eyes met. A few moments later I started backtracking because no way was I going to pass up on meeting her!

I tapped her shoulder, and looking pleasant, she took her headphones off and greeted me. This time I did pre-opening right. I tapped her on the shoulder, waited a short moment after she turned to look at me (must've been half a second), then looked firmly into her eyes.

"Hey," I replied. I held up a random jar I picked up on my way to her of Vodka Sauce (which I found hilarious). "Do you know how to make spaghetti with this?"

She seemed to get that I was being a bit facetious so we bantered for a couple lines about Vodka Sauce and spaghetti before I figured it'd be time to go direct. "I'm kidding. I just saw you pass by and thought you were cute so I had to come meet you. I'm Alex."

Appearing flattered, she introduced herself. "I'm Z," she said.

"Z? Wow, that's a unique name," I replied. We talked a little bit about her name, and I learned that she was French, so I continued deep diving. I think I was maybe a bit too reactive and "wow" about what she said. I learned that she was a new doctor and wanted to become one since an early age, and got a great job almost right after recently graduating. I also learned that her family moved to California when she was about 8, and that she enjoyed living here a lot. I suppose I could've learned more about her ambitions, her hobbies, and her passions here as well.

In any case, at one point I asked her, "Hey, we probably shouldn't block the aisle. Why don't we walk a little down over there?"

She then gave me an interesting reply, "Oh, I'm sorry (something) leading you on, but I'm lesbian."

I quirked my brow, not expecting that but not too fazed by it. "I'm not looking for a girlfriend or anything," I said. "Come, just walk with me for a little bit."

She agreed, though I didn't sense a spike in attraction or anything. We talked a bit more, but it was getting awkward and I didn't know what to say, so eventually I bid her adieu and wished her luck on doctoring.

Overall, not bad. She was cute, and from her credentials, smart and ambitious. Definitely my type of girl. I don't lend much stock to her choice of being lesbian as much of an issue, really...she probably just hasn't found the right man yet. I think she'd be totally fine with sleeping with the right guy at least. In any case, gotta get back to work on becoming that guy, so next girl!

Eye Contact Girl (1) & Pre-Open Girl (1), done.

---

I approached several other girls, not all of them cute, young, or attractive. A lot of the time I was just focusing on getting pre-opening and eye-contact down so I went ahead and just practiced, not really putting much thought into target selection other than "woman with something interesting about her."

One girl I approached was married and said, "Thanks," but immediately started walking away. Probably 100% uninterested then. Another few I fumbled a bit because I didn't really know what to say so I had awkward pauses and movements throughout. I should be more vigilant about staying unreactive and relaxed so I don't fidget or anything and my eye contact remains solid.

Pre-Open and Eye Contact Girls (2)-(4) occurred around here I think, and they all turned me down, it was really awkward, or I realized they weren't as attractive as I first thought. I also approached other women who I didn't do so well with on Eye Contact and Pre-Opening, so I didn't count them.

---

My best approach was probably when this cute redhead came to say hello to me. She was working and asked if I needed anything.

"I just have one question..." I said, feeling a bit of playfulness creep into me. She was enthusiastic to help, of course. "Are you single?"

It turns out she wasn't, but I ignored her answer to keep the conversation going. "Haha, I just saw you there when you came to talk to me and realized I had to tell you that you look really cute."

We then had a decent conversation, though it was a bit awkward and I don't think we reached the hook point because she didn't really ask me any questions. However I did press on past "Hello," which I've been having trouble with, so I'm pretty proud I'm making progress on that sticking point.

Anyways, I learned a bit about her. She was the furniture manager at the store I was in, and that made her "tougher than [she] looks" because she spent all her time building furniture. I also learned that she was a psychology major, and commented that it "does look like you're doing much psychology related right now." I tried to be playful and not rib her too hard since it is pretty hard to find an ideal job. Didn't want to be a dick, which I was a bit earlier to this salesgirl that was a bit annoying and I started feeling bad about afterwards.

She confided that she was just working to pay the bills right now and wanted to do work at a nonprofit at some point, which was pretty cool. I could've learned more about her motivations for entering the field of psychology, her ambitions and dreams for the future, and her hobbies besides building furniture at work.

She started moving away from me and the conversation felt more and more awkward, so I bowed out and wished her a good day soon after. Perhaps I need to tackle my energy and my vibe to get these women feeling more comfortable.

---

I talked to a few more people afterwards, but no notable approaches. I did succeed in my goal partially, but I forgot to breath deeply several times before I approached. That's something I want to consciously work on so it'll be more natural.

Lessons to learn:
1) Don't shift your eyes because you're feeling uncomfortable. Keep your eye movements gradual and your gaze steady.
2) Lock in faster, find something to lean against and get comfortable.
3) Learn to project a playful, fun, even sexy vibe with your body language.

Till next time,
Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

yup. it's exactly what you think it means. literally breath deep into your abdomen and into your balls. like push your diaphragm down as you breath in. Your belly should rise as well.

Not quite sure what you mean by "into your balls" still. I presume I'm breathing out with my belly, and neither my shoulders nor chest are rising (standard good breathing procedure). I still don't quite get where my balls are involved in this process though haha

You can talk about grass, milk, Jonas brothers, whatevz, as long as you speak with certainty and authority and there's emotion behind it. Get this sorted first. Get to the point where you're talking for the sake of joy rather than trying to reach an end goal, e.g. phone number, dates. Talk to unattractive girls too. Why? because you're not working for an outcome, and you'll feel what it's like to talk without filter and have fun.

I agree, I only give direct statements of interest to women I genuinely find attractive ("You have extremely alluring qualities about you"; "I thought you were cute and had to come meet you"; "Are you single?"; etc.), but that doesn't stop me from talking to less attractive women. Especially if they have something interesting about their style or hair that I legitimately want to compliment.

Emotions are a really good point there. I don't usually openly express passion or joy, usually only mirth or amusement. I think my biggest sticking point there must be some sort of discomfort with allowing myself to feel and show stronger emotions in public--must have something to do with the more reserved Eastern/family culture I was raised in. While fascinating as a psychological phenomenon, you're right that it needs to be addressed. My plan is to start experimenting in social circle settings with how it feels to express more emotion as well as how people react to me, then start keeping it in the back of my head while I work on a couple of fundamentals in tomorrow's outing.

I wonder if Chase has any articles on it? Probably not, expressing emotion seems like a pretty simple and basic subject.

In any case, muchas gracias, Smith!

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 27
03/09/2016

Went downtown today and decided to focus on a few key fundamentals again.

Goals:
1) Approach at least (10) women
2) Pre-Open at least (4) women
3) Maintain strong eye contact with at least (4) women upon approaching

I also told myself to relax and stay calm throughout all of my approaches today.

The outing started off pretty poorly. I saw a few cute girls but had a sudden onset of approach anxiety at the very beginning. My main excuse was "I don't know how to approach that girl while looking smooth." It's frustrating since I'm not going to know how to be smooth until I fuck up a few times, so I'm a bit disappointed in myself. However I managed to find my balls again before it was too late and actually succeeded in my assignment this time around. Woo!

---

One of my first approaches of the day was this girl sitting down in the library and looking out into the distance. Unsure of how to approach, I figured I'd just walk up and say something.

"Looks like you've been contemplating the meaning of existence," I said. "How does it feel to be enlightened?"

She seemed confused, but then got that I was kidding after a second. "Oh, no, I'm just waiting for my friend."

I think I asked her how her day was going then and introduced myself. We started talking a bit and I learned that she just had class. At this point I felt a bit awkward to just be standing there so I asked, "Hey, is this seat taken?" and sat down next to her, continuing on whatever we were talking about.

I learned a bit about her. She was Mexican so she had an accent but lived in the area her whole life. She just finished taking dance classes at the nearby university, which caught my attention since I have an interest in dances now myself. I enquired about it. As it turns out she only recently decided to take these classes and was learning the Waltz and the "Hustle" or something. I didn't know what the latter was, so I asked her to show me.

"Show me one of the moves...just one move," I told her. She rejected, saying "No, I can't" but I persisted a little longer. "Just one move. Come on."

To put additional social pressure on her, I stood up and gestured for her to come with me. "Come on, take my hand. Just show me one."

It took a few tries, but eventually she agreed and got up to show me the move. I suppose she was embarrassed about dancing in the middle of the library, which I didn't even consider as a problem at the time, but now kind of get. I guess she just needed me to be cool and relaxed about it so she would get comfortable.

In any case I learned the move, but I could've done a better job of rewarding her for complying with me. Give her a slow, warm smile. A compliment even to make her feel really good for complying.

Anyways, we talked some more and I deep dived a bit. I sort of realized early on that she wasn't all the attractive. I did not want to sleep with her. But I certainly didn't mind talking, and after about maybe ten or so minutes I decided to exit.

I think my biggest plus during this interaction was that I stayed calm and relaxed throughout. Not panicking or trying to think a mile a minute really helped me focus on the present moment. I didn't consider it a pre-open or eye contact approach because I walked directly towards her from the front and looked at her first.

Things I could've done better:
1) Establish Chase/Sexual Frames. Make the interaction more flirty.
2) More gradual eye contact and slower movements.
3) Slow, warm smiles for rewarding compliance.

---

Another girl I approached upon entering the university campus I saw walking towards me. I let her pass, pretending to be lost in my own world, and then caught up to her after.

She screamed the moment I tapped her elbow, which was both funny and concerning at the same time. I wasn't really sure what to make of it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," I said in an even tone. "I just you saw you walk past me and had to come tell you that your hair has this really interesting duality between dark and light...it's an interesting balance, like you're a Jedi or something"

In retrospect it sounds a bit of an awkward thing to say, but it was definitely specific! She seemed relieved, and I assume she was just startled because she was lost in her own world too. Perhaps I should've ran more in front of her to get in her peripheral vision before I tapped her. Also, I should've added, "It's a really good look," to the end of that compliment to make it more relevant to her maybe.

I introduced myself, but I was a bit nervous by that point because the scream had totally thrown me off. I learned that she was just going to get some drinks before heading to class and that her name was J. I suppose I could've gotten more comfortable and gotten to know her better, but instead I ejected soon after. Next time I should stick it through until she leaves.

Pre-Open Girl (1) and Eye Contact Girl (1), done.

---

Another girl who passed by me. I pretended to be lost in my world and only notice her at the last second, but I think I made the mistake of making eye contact which she did not return. I should've just used my peripheral vision and not looked her way until I was ready to talk.

Anyways, after she passed I caught up to her. "Hey, quick question," I said. "Are you single?"

Like most girls, she answered, "Sorry, no." However, she used that sickly sweet tone girls use with puppies, which annoyed me a bit. Better fundamentals can't come faster!

I chuckled and said, "I just saw you pass by me and had to come tell you that you look really cute today. I'm Alex."

We walked and talked for a little bit. I learned that she was a business major and was on her way to the library, though not much else. I felt a bit awkward and ejected after about a minute or two.

Things I could have improved:
1) Sexy eye contact and smile.
2) Chase Frames, teasing, flirting
3) Slower movements, more gradual eye contact

Pre-Open Girl (2) and Eye Contact Girl (2), done.

---

There was another girl I saw sitting down in the cafeteria with interesting streaked hair from the back, so I went to approach her.

"You know," I said, standing beside and a little bit in front of her seat at the table, looking away from her. A moment after she turned her head I reciprocated, making eye contact. "I was just walking in when I saw you over here and I had to come tell you that you have the most gorgeous hair I've seen all day. I'm Alex."

Flattered, she introduced herself as S. I asked what she was doing today, which turned out to be "waiting for [her] friend to come."

We started chatting for a bit so I asked, "Hey, is this seat taken?"

I got the feeling she wasn't into me by this point though, because she started trying to say that she "wasn't going to stay long" or something, probably hinting at me that we wouldn't be interacting long. I shrugged. "I'm just going to sit for a minute. Rest my legs," I said.

Then she started texting her friend, and frequently apologized while I was talking to her because she was texting. I tried to deep dive and learned that she was a business major who got into it because of her family's influence, but didn't get much farther than that. When she told me that her friend was looking for her, so sorry she "had to text," I told her, "Tell your friend to wait. Tell her you're talking to the most interesting man of your life."

To my credit she chuckled a bit, but continued going back to her texting. In retrospect, I should've been less accommodating of her behavior. I never experienced this before so I was all, "Okay, go ahead and tell your friend," but that's a weak position that shows I'm chasing. I should've acted more disinterested and aloof after she put talking to the person right in front of her (me) over a text. And if that didn't work, there's a good chance she probably wasn't interested anyways. Well, damn.

Anyways, she ejected herself soon after because her friend arrived, so I chilled for a couple minutes before I got up and went to start approaching more women.

Pre-Open Girl (3) and Eye Contact Girl (3), done.

---

My other approaches were just alright. Often I'd see a girl I want to compliment walk towards me from the front and I'd say, "Hey, excuse me...I just saw you walking there and wanted to tell you X" or something like that. Usually with girls I didn't find particularly attractive but wanted to say something to anyways. I should get in the habit of doing more serious approaches with women I'd genuinely want to sleep with to really start honing my skills. I do approach them, but I haven't yet gone out with the sole purpose of approaching any specific number of beautiful girls. Perhaps that'll go on my to-do list.

Other times I'd walk by a girl sitting down and stop, saying "Hey" so they look at me before I return eye contact, then deliver whatever compliment I wanted to give. Both this and the other, "street-stop" approach, seem a bit awkward to me. There must be a way to make them more smooth.

Other times I'd open a girl and she'd start walking away from me right after the compliment, saying, "Thanks." I have a feeling these girls were just showing they were uninterested, but I'm unsure. Should I have tried persisting in getting them to stop and talk?

Anyways, Pre-Open Girl (4) and Eye Contact Girl (4) occurred sometime after the approaches above. I didn't have any more long or interesting interactions this outing, but I did talk to somewhere between 10-15 girls overall. So it was a pretty successful outing for the most part. I just wish I knew exactly what the problems with my fundamentals were and what I had to do to fix them! Doing my best to figure it out, but a real, outside eye would be most helpful here. Suppose it's a moot point though. I can only play my best with the cards I've been dealt.

So close to finishing off Day 30, by the way. I think I've drilled in Eye Contact and Pre-Opening enough that I should be able to practice them without making them my main goal in an outing. Perhaps next time I'll work more on teasing and acting aloof when girls don't hook?

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 28
03/10/2016

I'm close, so close to 30 days, yet I keep feeling this urge in the back of my mind to give up. Stop doing this crazy thing that nobody else is doing, stop doing this thing that hasn't been getting me many results for the time and effort I've invested into it, stop trying to fight against status quo and run after my dreams.

I went to a bad venue at a bad time; not many beautiful or attractive women around. I was feeling really down today, so I had one goal: approach (6) women. I didn't have to do anything other than show up and try today. Ended up not having many significant interactions, but on the bright side I've started realizing how upset it makes me to feel unsure of how to approach.

---

The first approach of the outing was a cute girl at Starbucks. I was waiting behind her in line, but it felt weird to ask to cut or something when the line wasn't even that long. Yet, I don't know any other way to approach; indirect direct seems like my best bet with girls standing in line. I should've done it regardless. My main gripe was that I didn't have anything witty to say. Again, that's irrelevant; meeting the girl is more important, and I can recover from a weird opener with a great interaction after.

Anyways, I eventually approached her after we both finished paying for our drinks. "You look like you just ran a long way," I commented. She seemed a little confused, so I explained, "Just from your attire...running shoes, shorts, workout shirt."

She seemed to be friendly when I was talking to her, but she didn't make an effort to engage me on her own. Could be shy. I eventually felt really awkward after talking a little bit about running and ejected myself. I should've persisted I think, and most importantly, stayed calm and focused on the moment with the girl.

---

Another approach I did while walking to my seat after grabbing some food. I saw this gorgeous, beautiful girl sitting down, but I made the mistake of looking into her eyes before pre-opening. Clumsily I realized I had to say something...so I went ahead and fumbled it.

"Hey," I said, trying to figure out what the hell to say. "You have extremely...alluring features."

"Thanks," she answered. I raised my hand towards her.

"I'm Alex, by the way," I said.

She didn't give me her name. Instead she said, "Oh, I'm sick," I believe as an excuse to not shake my hand. I didn't really know how to react, so I sort of slowly figured out a response line by line. It felt kind of awkward saying something so obviously discombobulated and unflow-y.

"Oh, alright then. I'll just...be over here when I converse with you...fifty feet away...so I don't catch your diseases," I said. In retrospect, what the fuck was I doing? Haha, it didn't seem that bad at the time, but man! I wonder what I could've said that would've been better?

Anyway, it was really awkward by that point, so I ejected. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that...have a nice, uh, meal."

Little bit embarrassing, but honestly I think I enjoy trying and screwing up a bit more than beating myself up for not trying at all.

---

The rest of my approaches were pretty poor. Either I was just paying the girl a compliment as I passed by her and she didn't respond much more than "thanks," or it got awkward real quick. Like one time I "noticed" a girl and pointed out her nice scarf, then tried to talk to her about the beans we were looking at and what she was doing today. She didn't give me much to work with, mostly like one or two word answers so it felt weird to keep talking to her. She ejected herself soon after.

Another time I opened a girl, and she giggled, but immediately moved away. Maybe she's shy, or embarrassed? It was a situational opener too, which I intended to transition to indirect-direct, but didn't get much of a chance to when she walked away immediately. Should I have persisted? If so, how?
'
Anyways, eventually I said something to at least (6) girls, which was something. I didn't get into conversations with most of them, not really, but lots of food for thought on figuring out my future process.

Tomorrow I'll be going to the mall with the real plan of learning more about teasing and bantering with women, as well as following a process.

 

[Smith]

Damn Alex it's only been 28 days. Keep it up man. Just want to point some things out because I have been there man.

First of all, what's your fashion like? I understand if you're young and don't have enough budget, but get simple fitting blue/grey/black/white T shirt with a nice jean and good shoes, you'll be alright.

I saw this gorgeous, beautiful girl sitting down, but I made the mistake of looking into her eyes before pre-opening. Clumsily I realized I had to say something...so I went ahead and fumbled it.

"Hey," I said, trying to figure out what the hell to say. "You have extremely...alluring features."

These days, I look into a girl's eye when I'm walking up to her. It's powerful when a man can look into their eyes and is clear in his intent. They know why you're there before you even say hello, so that's what I would like to see you try next time. Combine this with deep breaths so you stay relaxed.

Your "opener" is quite good, because it comes from you. From your writing, it just seems like you're unsure of yourself. Game is about subcommunication, not just lines. When you're subcommunicating uncertainty and wishi-washiness to the girl, it's telling her she can't trust your leadership.

Good luck bro

 

[TouchGrass]

Day 29

Mall day! I approached this outing with a few simple goals which turned out to be much more challenging than I expected. I thought about giving up midway through and coming home to write a "failure" report and call it a day.

I don't know why, but I stuck it through. I guess I was just so done with giving up that there wasn't much turning back, haha. Ended up making a huge success relative to my usual at the end of the day and am now feeling a lot happier about continuing to try. Just one more day to go!

Goals:
1) "Breath into your balls"/Take a deep breath before approaching (4) women today
2) Tease (4) girls within 30 seconds of meeting them

Also, going to be writing down my process (which I copied from Chase) in every field report. This is a memory aid intended to help me remember it considering there's quite a few steps. I totally forgot it this outing, but hopefully I'll remember by another one.

1) Spot girl you want to approach
2) DON'T make eye contact
3) Position yourself near her
4) Pre-open her
5) Open her
6) Introduce yourself
7) Tease her/engage in light banter
8) Get early investment (lock in, simple compliance, moving or turning around)
9) Rapport/Deep dive
10) Close out, get her number (10 minutes max!)

---

The outing started off horrifically. I didn't approach the first cute girl I saw who was in a prime position because I felt anxious, and that cascaded into numerous other missed attempts for maybe half an hour. The rest of time I did approach girls would get awkward very quickly, would be cold from the onset, or just leave right after I gave my compliment. On the bright side, I figured out why Chase recommended introducing yourself immediately after a direct opener: it communicates that you want to stick around and talk before she gets the impression you were going to compliment her and leave.

I did have a couple of decent interactions in the first bit. In one the girl was warm to me at the start, but quickly ejected herself after telling me she had a boyfriend. In another I approached this Japanese girl who didn't speak 100% fluent English, but was still pretty decent. She seemed warm and friendly, but I didn't really know where to go with her. I didn't follow my process like I should've, because I went from teasing her a little bit about her shopping bags to then trying to deep dive about how she came to America. I'm supposed to be going for a bit of early investment first after bantering and breaking the ice, probably to get her used a bit more to seeing me as an attractive, dominant man. Next time I'll ask to see some jewelry/hair on a girl or ask her to move after I engage in light banter. In any case, I ejected pretty soon.

I had a terribly hard time getting any girls to stick around. Every time I used, "Are you single?" the girl would get a weird or cold face, say "No," and walk away. Except one time when it was this girl in a rush who looked like she really wanted to get out of there, so I let her go.

I've identified that it's way awkward if I wait after they say "Thank you" when I approach to introduce myself because they expect me to leave by that point. I should introduce myself immediately and quickly with direct openers.

Also somehow I managed to eke out (3) teases after about 2 hours in the outing. I believe they were as follows:

(She said she was "Just shopping" when I asked her what she was doing today) - "I can see that...that's a lot of shopping bags you have there. I hope you've left some for the other customers!"

(Girl is wearing a bright red outfit) - "Wow, you look really red today!" (She says amused reply) "I wonder if you're wearing that to attract attention...or show that you're poisonous just like in the animal kingdom."

(She's in a rush) "Ah, you need to run so you can steal something before someone else does, eh?"

Also, I said "sorry" and "excuse me" way too much this outing. I smiled a lot and tried to be disarming, which may have contributed to a "nice guy" vibe. I also rushed to fill in pauses and break tension.

Things to improve:
1) Be more comfortable with social pressure and tension. Don't rush to say "sorry" or break tension.
2) Smile in a sexy calm way rather than nervously trying to be disarming with a million-watt smile
3) Stay calm, feet firmly planted and hands by your side. Don't fidget or put your hands in your pockets or anything.

---

My best approach of the night, by far, came from what I think was an approach invitation. I saw the girl pass by me once but didn't approach at first, pretending I didn't notice her because I didn't want to do a frontal approach. I waited a little bit nearby her, pretending to check out some clothes...when suddenly she comes by and looks at the same rack! Ding ding, here we go...

"Hey," I said, waiting for her to look my way before I continued or looked at her.

Out of nowhere she was like, "Oh, hi!" so I guess she might've been wanting to meet me. Still, I continued with my opener: "You think they have one of these in rainbow?"

I pointed towards a bright yellow sweater on the rack. She seemed amused, saying, "Well, I don't know if that's the only color they have."

I smiled, waiting a second or two. "I'm joking anyways. I saw you when you walked over here and wanted to tell you that you look really cute."

"Awww, that's so sweet of you," she cooed. It was annoying, but I was getting more used to it so I didn't really react to it.

"I'm Alex, by the way," I said, giving her my hand.

"I'm R," she replied.

"R? How do you spell that?" I asked. It was a bit of a unique name, and I have trouble with those so I get as many excuses to talk about them as possible.

Eventually we had a little tangent about it. I did feel a little bit like I was acting too "nice" when I told her, "I hope you don't mind if I repeat your name over and over again this conversation. I have a terrible time with names." Perhaps I shouldn't have asked her for permission, essentially, and instead just sensually said her name while stroking her hand or something.

Anyways, then I started asking some few basic questions. "What are you doing today?" "You from around here, or somewhere far away?" etc. I teased her about being here at the mall to "pick up boys," which she surprisingly agreed with, so I didn't know how to progress from there. It just screamed "I'm interested" to me, though I wasn't 100% sure.

I learned that she was a college freshman from New York who was currently on Spring Break in California. Her parents are separated. Here I could've learned more about her hobbies, her childhood, and her dreams and aspirations in the future, but I didn't. I realized around this point that, wow, she's actually pretty attractive. Maybe it's just the eyeliners, but...

"Your eyes are gorgeous," I said after a brief lull in which we just looked at each other. There were several of those actually; she didn't really rush to fill in the gap in any of them.

One time she tried ejecting, probably because she felt awkward, saying she "had to go find her cousin." I stopped her of course, saying something like, "She can wait."

She tried telling me something like, "Well, I can just give you my number," but I wasn't having it just yet. Needed to follow the process!

"Walk with me for a bit," I said.

"Where to?" I think she asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know...five feet down that way," I answered, not really concerned. She complied, which was a plus, and we walked for a little bit. I talked with her and got to know her a bit more, then asked her if she "wanted to get some coffee sometime."

She agreed, so I grabbed her number. While we were trading contact info I put my forearm on her shoulder to take a look at her phone, which in retrospect seems like awkward kino. I should've just pulled her into me or something. When we departed she came and gave me a hug, which I returned, and left feeling pretty ecstatic. Like, wow, this girl seemed interested in me! And not only that, she was REALLY cute. At least with her makeup on. I don't know about without yet. I'll text her tomorrow about a date since I want to wait a bit but am definitely on a clock here.

In retrospect, I think I could've escalated kino. One time we were talking and I mentioned how it was like we were "on an abandoned island" since very few people were around the store we were in. I could've used that as an excuse to get her to come close and ask if she knew how to dance. Show her a few moves, use the triangle gaze from eye to eye to mouth, and then kiss her. It would've been way fun, and I think this might've been a situation where I could've pulled it off. Damn!

Anyways, my biggest gripe her was I was still a bit nervous and asked questions a little bit more hurriedly than I maybe should have. Other than that I could've used tension and playfulness to greater effect, as well as maintained sexier body language. I also could've had better sexual eye contact. I was still much more relaxed than I am most approaches though, which was nice.

Number close!

Lessons to learn:
1) Relax. Focus on the moment, and take your time when talking.
2) Use tension to greater effect with sexual eye contact
3) When deep diving ask about childhoods, motivations, dreams, and hobbies.

Tease girl (4), done.

---

I felt so good after that approach that I talked to a couple other girls, and had surprisingly positive responses. Super cool; I guess my joy just spilled out of my normally aloof vibe and made me much more warm?

In any case, after a couple more approaches I was done and went home. Not bad, Alex. Now let's see whether this number turns into anything substantial.

I had a funny thought, actually. This situation with R is a lot like one where guys would be panicking, wondering "Okay, can't mess up with this chance I got!" and posting URGENT! threads on the board. I was tempted to do the same, but I've been there in that stage already...and fucked up because of it. There's more girls out there in the world. We'll see what happens with her, and if it goes well, sweet. If not, oh well. Not a big deal. Just go out, approach, and find a new one.

-Alex

 

[TouchGrass]

Damn Alex it's only been 28 days. Keep it up man. Just want to point some things out because I have been there man.

First of all, what's your fashion like? I understand if you're young and don't have enough budget, but get simple fitting blue/grey/black/white T shirt with a nice jean and good shoes, you'll be alright.

It's been getting better! I've been talking to Darius the last 29 days, and he's been really helpful. Very standout guy. I went from dressing like this:

...to like this:

These days, I look into a girl's eye when I'm walking up to her. It's powerful when a man can look into their eyes and is clear in his intent. They know why you're there before you even say hello, so that's what I would like to see you try next time. Combine this with deep breaths so you stay relaxed.

Your "opener" is quite good, because it comes from you. From your writing, it just seems like you're unsure of yourself. Game is about subcommunication, not just lines. When you're subcommunicating uncertainty and wishi-washiness to the girl, it's telling her she can't trust your leadership.

Good luck bro

Haha, glad to hear the tips. The reason I don't look at girls when I'm walking up to them is because of Chase's articles and recommendations on the subject, which suggest I instead get her to look at me first through pre-opening. I suspect you must be pretty good with eye contact or bold, direct approaches if it's working out for you, which is definitely something to admire!

I'll definitely take working on my inner certainty into consideration. It's something I think you're right about.

Regards,
Alex

 

[Smith]

The reason I don't look at girls when I'm walking up to them is because of Chase's articles and recommendations on the subject, which suggest I instead get her to look at me first through pre-opening. I suspect you must be pretty good with eye contact or bold, direct approaches if it's working out for you, which is definitely something to admire!

I used to do the preopen Chase suggested too, but if you're going to give her a compliment right from the start, look at her when you're walking up to her. This is actually what TonySolo from TheNaturalLifestyle taught me. The difference is huge. I've dropped preopening or I have internalized it lol I'm not too sure. I don't consciously think I need to preopen. Sometimes it just happens, and I'll look back and think "oh was that preopen? oh well who cares?". Don't get stuck on the little steps and technicalities. In fact, simplify your process to something like this

1. See a girl. Walk straight up to her and appreciate how beautiful she is as you're walking towards her.
2. Give her a compliment
3. Chat and have a good time. Appreciate who she is as a woman as you deep dive her. (aka qualify her in PUA terms).
4. Find out what she's doing right now so you can either exchange number or go on an instant date.
5. go on a date.
6. invite her home
7. give her orgasms.

That way, you won't freeze and don't know what to do when the girl is into you.


Don't over think seduction. If you want to ask her to dance with you in the moment, do it. Richard on the board gave me a good advice some time ago about your body vs mind.

Your body knows more than your mind ever will. It won't let you down, and it will lead you in the right direction as long as you get out of your own way.
With that in mind, develop a calm mind and let your body dictate what to do because it won't let you down. A quick note on that as well: your body will not always do what your mind thinks should be done either, and your body will not always do what is required to satisfy the outcome your mind wants.

If you touch a girl and she rejects it - that's for a good reason but your mind will see it as a failure. Be wary of that as well, and trust that there's a purpose in everything you do.

I found that all naturals follow this principle. Even TonySolo says the same thing.

I had a terribly hard time getting any girls to stick around. Every time I used, "Are you single?" the girl would get a weird or cold face, say "No," and walk away. Except one time when it was this girl in a rush who looked like she really wanted to get out of there, so I let her go.

If you want to ask "are you single" right from the get go, you better have good fundamentals because that's all the info she has to judge whether she wants to talk to you or not.

How to get girls to stick around? lol Don't try. Don't try to get girls to stick around after you give them a compliment. Walk with them if they don't stop, but be socially aware, "what are you up to now" "I'm going to XX" "Right I'll walk with you for a bit so I can get to know you."
If they say "No that's ok", just move on and wish them a good day.
Your intent should be "I'm here to share and have a good time", not "i'm hoping you would stay". anyway, that's over analyzing it a bit, which I hate to do. I prefer to just go up and let it flow instead of micro-managing every move I make, because in a bigger picture, I found that they don't really matter.

Hope that helps!=)