Bad past experiences when not sleeping with coworkers

[DArtagnan]

Hi all,

I'm following this interesting recent thread about a coworker, and I would have a follow-up question.

I understand that sleeping with coworkers can result in a lot of bad outcomes. What about bad outcomes when you don't sleep with them?

I suppose that coworkers in auto-rejection can also do nasty things to you. Do you have some bad experiences to share here? And tips how to deal with it?

I have one bad experience. A few years ago a cute coworker of mine was showing interests in me. Over the course of seven months, we got a bit closer, there was a kind of attraction peak around month 5, then a slow burnout in months 6 and 7, and then she entered in auto-rejection. Over the next two months, she started acting rebellious towards me and trying to boycott my work. This peaked when, a week before the winter holidays, I managed to crack an important problem, but could not fully implement the solution, and just shared my ideas with her and other colleagues, and left a presentation. When I came back from holidays, I discovered from my boss that she was claiming to have solved the problem, and that she didn't even read my presentation because it was not clear. Thus she was clearly trying to steal the solution from me.

The girl was way younger than me, and she was actually very good at her job. If I tried to finger-point her directly, it would be "an experienced male employee finger-pointing a younger female employee with a lot of potential", which would certainly look bad for me. The best that I managed to do was to persist around the problem and assist her in solving it. She did make a few mistakes when solving it, so I could jump in, help solving it, and still get some credit.

ps: two months later my boss invited me to substitute him because he was leaving for another project, the girl was very impressed and started flirting with me again, but anyway that situation should have never occurred...

 

[topcat]

And tips how to deal with it?

Treat them like your male coworkers.

 

[OldGuy]

I was feeling that a young woman was getting interested. I saw her getting some recognition and seeing her record, I complimented her on the achievement and mentioned that I got my 30 year service award right before she was hired. No fuss, but let her know I was old enough to be her father.

 

[THE_CROW]

Hi all,

I'm following this interesting recent thread about a coworker, and I would have a follow-up question.

I understand that sleeping with coworkers can result in a lot of bad outcomes. What about bad outcomes when you don't sleep with them?

I suppose that coworkers in auto-rejection can also do nasty things to you. Do you have some bad experiences to share here? And tips how to deal with it?

I have one bad experience. A few years ago a cute coworker of mine was showing interests in me. Over the course of seven months, we got a bit closer, there was a kind of attraction peak around month 5, then a slow burnout in months 6 and 7, and then she entered in auto-rejection. Over the next two months, she started acting rebellious towards me and trying to boycott my work. This peaked when, a week before the winter holidays, I managed to crack an important problem, but could not fully implement the solution, and just shared my ideas with her and other colleagues, and left a presentation. When I came back from holidays, I discovered from my boss that she was claiming to have solved the problem, and that she didn't even read my presentation because it was not clear. Thus she was clearly trying to steal the solution from me.

The girl was way younger than me, and she was actually very good at her job. If I tried to finger-point her directly, it would be "an experienced male employee finger-pointing a younger female employee with a lot of potential", which would certainly look bad for me. The best that I managed to do was to persist around the problem and assist her in solving it. She did make a few mistakes when solving it, so I could jump in, help solving it, and still get some credit.

ps: two months later my boss invited me to substitute him because he was leaving for another project, the girl was very impressed and started flirting with me again, but anyway that situation should have never occurred...

I posted that thread and we're going out in a few days. It's impossible for anyone to mess with my work no matter how much they hate me cause it's all black and white and documented, maybe that's just MY job but yeah.

Nothing could happen except it being awkward to be around eachother at meetings/gatherings etc but I can handle it expertly.

My new years resolution is I have decided to never leave untapped that which can be tapped.

-Crow, 2025.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

I posted that thread and we're going out in a few days. It's impossible for anyone to mess with my work no matter how much they hate me cause it's all black and white and documented, maybe that's just MY job but yeah.

Nothing could happen except it being awkward to be around eachother at meetings/gatherings etc but I can handle it expertly.

My new years resolution is I have decided to never leave untapped that which can be tapped.

-Crow, 2025.

So how did the date go? Any updates?

 

[THE_CROW]

So how did the date go? Any updates?

Went ok, great girl just not what I'm looking for.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Went ok, great girl just not what I'm looking for.

Okay as in you slept with her?

 

[THE_CROW]

Okay as in you slept with her?

No. I was messing around in my previous post on this thread, I don't want to add onto women's bodycounts if I don't see it going anywhere. I also don't want to do anything if I sense bad energy/dark vibes from her. It's an energy exchange after all.

She was ok but I'm not interested in pursuing her any longer.

 

[Toby2030]

No. I was messing around in my previous post on this thread, I don't want to add onto women's bodycounts if I don't see it going anywhere. I also don't want to do anything if I sense bad energy/dark vibes from her. It's an energy exchange after all.

She was ok but I'm not interested in pursuing her any longer.

My new years resolution is I have decided to never leave untapped that which can be tapped.

so what went wrong?

 

[THE_CROW]

so what went wrong?

No. I was messing around in my previous post on this thread, I don't want to add onto women's bodycounts if I don't see it going anywhere. I also don't want to do anything if I sense bad energy/dark vibes from her. It's an energy exchange after all.

 

[TomInHo]

No. I was messing around in my previous post on this thread, I don't want to add onto women's bodycounts if I don't see it going anywhere. I also don't want to do anything if I sense bad energy/dark vibes from her. It's an energy exchange after all.

She was ok but I'm not interested in pursuing her any longer.

So you made a huge deal about this girl shit testing you in that thread. Were talking to her for a long time before asking her out. And now she has bad vibes and you don't want to add to her body count?

Very anti-climatic and disappointing to the hear you put in all that effort upfront and not pull the trigger

 

[THE_CROW]

So you made a huge deal about this girl shit testing you in that thread. Were talking to her for a long time before asking her out. And now she has bad vibes and you don't want to add to her body count?

Very anti-climatic and disappointing to the hear you put in all that effort upfront and not pull the trigger

Yeah it appeared that she was kind of holding certain things back until I'd asked her out. I appreciated the honesty and everything but the acting and facade that was kept up for months became apparent and I just don't want a long term relationship with someone that has a manipulative, toxic past. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen but I'm good.
Bonus experience that I now know how to pass this shit test too haha.

 

[TomInHo]

Yeah it appeared that she was kind of holding certain things back until I'd asked her out. I appreciated the honesty and everything but the acting and facade that was kept up for months became apparent and I just don't want a long term relationship with someone that has a manipulative, toxic past. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen but I'm good.
Bonus experience that I now know how to pass this shit test too haha.

So every girl you plan on sleeping with in the future has to be wife or LTR material?

 

[THE_CROW]

So every girl you plan on sleeping with in the future has to be wife or LTR material?

I read a quote some time ago, "Never stick your d in crazy".

 

[TomInHo]

I read a quote some time ago, "Never stick your d in crazy".

I honestly think you just coming up with excuses for why it didn't work out. Auto rejecting to save the ego

You can fuck a "crazy" girl and simply not wife her up

I know I have personally fucked a lot of crazy girls and I have not had anything bad happen to me as long as I didn't get serious with them

 

[DArtagnan]

Hey guys, I was also curious about that outcome

But can you move this discussion back to the original thread?

 

[King Indra]

Don't shit where you eat.

 

[DArtagnan]

This thread is about the opposite problem: what can go wrong when you don't sleep with coworkers and past experiences of the kind, as stated in the starting post of the thread:

I understand that sleeping with coworkers can result in a lot of bad outcomes. What about bad outcomes when you don't sleep with them?

I've shared one such bad experience I've had. Any such past experience to share too?

 

[King Indra]

This thread is about the opposite problem: what can go wrong when you don't sleep with coworkers and past experiences of the kind, as stated in the starting post of the thread:

I've shared one such bad experience I've had. Any such past experience to share too?

I'm willing to bet a lot of money sleeping with co-workers leads everyone involved to bad places more often than it doesn't, as there are many companies specifically with HR policies built around preventing those outcomes - but, you know what, I see you suited up and at the stand as Devil's Advocate and I'll bite, good sir!

Yes, as a matter of fact, yes I have had such a bad experience resulting from not doing it.

Late twenties, working in a dead-end (albeit technically professional) gig, with no luck finding somewhere else to go, in Middle America. I worked with a young, very horny Korean woman who talked big game about wanting to find a husband and start a family, who lived near me.

We'd routinely hang out, but I maintained it had to be platonic (not overtly, through action, often inviting other people over when we had drinks, so it was more of a communal thing, rather than a man and a woman alone, loosening their inhibitions). I did this because I was deathly afraid of falling afoul of HR and losing my job before I found a new one.

One night, she got back from a trip, and was clinging to me all night (she blamed the two beers she had later, apologizing for it because I didn't go for it), and stopped me at the door to her place, holding my waist and staring into my eyes with the 'doggy-dinner-bowl'-look, when I walked her home. I politely wished her a good night with a shoulder-hug.

This was after months of her making overtures. That's how afraid I was of pissing off HR and getting fired.

I refused her overtures, because I had no idea where I'd be in six months. Coincidentally, as it turned out, not there.

She punished me for this because her sexual frustration bled into 'professional' frustration with me in some aspects of our jobs. Not great, and I could tell. Would I have thrown water on to the kitchen fire by throwing sex into the mix? Who can really know at this point?

Either way, she had no real plans to start a family or any of that other Epiphany-phase woman-protocol until her forties, and I would have been out of there, working and living far away, well before anything could have gone sideways.

I keenly regret not letting her bring me into her apartment and breaking what, at the time, was a multi-month dry-streak. Point taken.