Well here's a postscript. In case it's useful to anybody.
Oh, how little I understood then. And how quickly so much experience came afterward.
There is a ton of good response in this thread. And a lot of it is very good and not applicable. I think communcating digitally is very difficult and human beings are not wholly equipped for it. In hindsight, when I posted more here, I wish I cut folks more slack in my responses. But this particular medium will never be perfect, and rarely even good. I would hope anybody logging into a message board could take a minute and say to themselves... this is a very specific experience, maybe sometimes useful but seemingly not native to the way human beings actually socialize. A crude tool, maybe. I still think the modding sucks to the point of embarassment, but that's a different ramble.
The truth of this woman was that she was 'testing' as they say, to the level of cruelty, or in her eyes, sufficiency. But that's looking at the wrong part of the equation imo.
If I could be helpful here, I'll try, and I guess this is for the guys still solving larger pieces of the puzzle, maybe not so much the 'pro' or whatever-- I have no idea what to say to someone has had sex with more than 100 women (and is not in a sex/orgy community), I sure wanted to hear that perspective but none of those dudes were piping up when I was asking. For anybody reading that's curious about a real signpost, it is this: why did I allow this situation to obtain? Partially because I needed to learn. And sure enough, pain was on the back end of this, too.
There's better sex out there, and I went on and had it, and still do, and there are different types of loving, and many different types of partners.
And there are easier ways to invite a woman to submit to you. And better experiences to create, if we just own them.
I feel like, in the reading around here, there is sometimes a conflation of manipulation, or hide the intention, versus what's really happening-- which is inviting another person to give into desire, and the conditions that make that possible. To me, that's trust and comfort. That's what this girl was looking for by pecking on me so hard, to know and trust that I was strong so she could be weak. Why I picked or found a person or situation that was skewed so far to an extreme, that needed so much more beyond the pale of what is normal, might more be an indictment of who I was at that time. It was probably a flaw, but it served me.
I also feel the journey with women just leads you back to yourself. Or seems to. Everytime, there I am, and the problem is never really the nature of women, or even what I did or didn't do, but my incomplete or misunderstandings of their general nature, and what it seems nature has best intended me to be.
A few things help. Get enough notches and the FOMO relaxes. Or rather, transforms. The question shifts to "what now?" That's a question that invites creation. Create situations, experiences and relationships based on what you discover of the nature of women and sexuality.
And maybe you'll be a faster learner than I was, and need to fuck less women than I did, to figure all that out.
In case it's interesting, my perspective now is... far more passive. I drive a car I need and like, but it's nothing really special. I make good money, because I need to get by in the world and it can be tough. And I am often accompanied by beautiful women that want me to be strong so they can be women, in the nature of women. This in particular bothers and catches the attention of other men, and when it does I see firsthand how most men lack even a basic understanding of the nature of women. And that none of this is super interesting or anything that can be a basis for identity. It's good to know how to get what you need in the world, and I have my vice, and sometimes I look at the 'woman' angle the same way a 'car guy' might look at the 'car' angle. He might boredly watch a fixer upper go by and think... it has a good transmission, if only you dropped a good engine in it. Then back to his Bud Light or whatever.
I boredly watch men interact with women, and I think... she would probably go outside with you if you just quit shifting around and acting so nervously. Then back to my coffee or whatever.
But take my resources, take my car and take my women and all that's left is the man, and what he's doing now, and what he's going to do next. I think that's who he is. The actions. Hopefully he's strong, or hopefully things in the world, like women and maybe especially women, have made him strong, so he takes quality actions.
A big, fat maybe on everything else. As for 'fundamentals,' that makes sense in theory, but I would note that everything I've done has been at approximately the same bodyweight/composition (thicc boi) and dressed in the same manner (no glow up). Those things probably would help a ton, and bring access to more and different women. But I sure have somewhat easily banged and/or been pursued by at least some score of beautiful women, all of them younger, while looking like a dude that... doesn't experience those things. And I was just existing. I was never consciously 'gaming' anybody as far as I knew. I tried to deal them straight with my expressing my intentions and my actions themselves. Just an understanding and empathy of women that continues to grow to this day, and sometimes this board has even helped in unlikely places.
And thanks for the kind words.
