Bboy's Nightgame

[Bboy100]

Went out today. Possibly lowest energy i've been in a while. Like, I literally felt like I was gonna fall asleep as I was getting ready. Still forced myself to at least try to go out. Met up @ the girls' house as per usual. Had two shots. I set that as my limit. The girls decided they didn't want to go to the blue mansion party tonight. Instead, they wanted to kick it with their neighbors. I wasn't really interested in that. My roommate decided to go home and watch Netflix for whatever reason. So I decided to go drive to Blue Mansion alone.

They weren't letting anyone in cause it was super crowded. Luckily, there were still a lot of girls just sitting around outside waiting to get in. I talked to a few of them. Nothing came of it because I was so low energy (still felt like I was falling asleep). My voice was very monotone, and it took a ridiculous amount of effort just to force myself to have a conversation in the first place.

After about 10 mins of doing this, I felt completely drained. Also, based on the few conversations I did have, this was the only party tonight (which is why it was so overcrowded). And the downtown area sucks (nothing but dance clubs and small, "sit down and drink with your friends" type of bars). So I went home.

Takeaways:
I didn't prepare for the night correctly which is probably why I was so low energy. I know this because:
- I ate a shitton of ice cream (cheat day today)
- Wasn't too rested from the night before
- Didn't workout/run during the day.
- Fapped WAAY too much today. <---This was a big one. I had 0 sexual energy. On an emotional/instinctual level, I couldn't have cared less if I met any girls that night.

Having said that, I'm glad that I at least tried. A few months ago, I would have quit the moment all my friends decided they didn't want to go. So overall, I'd say this was a good night given the circumstances.

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah doing well bro. Your takeaways are good, just wanted to throw something out here: According to Chase, you being tired is a big turnon for girls. It makes you more laidback and least-effort, also you appear to have lots going on. You just have to overcome your own hesitation and negative mental messages (any kind of inner game issue is hugely magnified when you're tired). But you can have very good interactions.
Ray

 

[Bboy100]

According to Chase, you being tired is a big turnon for girls. It makes you more laidback and least-effort, also you appear to have lots going on. You just have to overcome your own hesitation and negative mental messages (any kind of inner game issue is hugely magnified when you're tired). But you can have very good interactions.
Ray

Yeah, I've noticed that too. Oftentimes, when I'm at a party and I'm feeling super tired/low energy, girls will approach me pretty regularly. Problem is, like you said, this tiredness is often coupled with increased anxiety/being "stuck in my head". So even when I'm approached, it usually goes no where. But once I get better at night game (i.e. once I can do most everything on autopilot regardless of emotions and my "state"), I could see how this might work in my favor.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Backing up a little to the sex talk discussion. Read this lay report. Excellent stuff. Exactly what I am talking about.

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4439

 

[Bboy100]

BigDaddy,

Yeah, Richard always has good stuff. And indeed, sex talk is great! I have no quarrels with it.
Just keep in mind that what I was referring to in my earlier post is sexual framing which is relevant but different. I'm still not convinced at how effective it is. But I just wanted to give it a go that night.

 

[Bboy100]

So lately, I've been challenging myself to do some Day Game. One of the issues I find with Day Game is that the only good way to open is direct. Direct openers are STILL very scary to me. Which is so backwards. I'm perfectly ok approaching (using indirect opener), being an asshole(when necessary), teasing, chase framing, asking for compliance, refusing compliance, inviting women home, escalating to sex...but the direct opener still scares the shit out of me. Anyways, for the entirety of last week (and the rest of this one), I've been challenging myself to open the first cute girl I see with a direct compliment.

I've mostly been successful, although I did pussy out a few times. So far, girls are still either ignoring the comment entirely, giving me a meek "thanks" or seem genuinely freaked out. This is most certainly because my fundamentals are a lot weaker than usual when I open direct (lots of anxiety goes with it). At any rate, idc about reactions and getting phone numbers from Day Game yet. Right now, the goal is just to feel more comfortable with the direct opener. I feel pretty positive about this. Because I'm already feeling a little more comfortable doing it than I was last week. So it looks like I'm making progress.
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Additionally, I ran into Erin today (for those of you reading, she is the girl from viewtopic.php?f=2&t=11641 and viewtopic.php?f=3&t=9362). We were walking opposite directions on campus. We said Hi to each other, but neither of us actually stopped walking. So there was no conversation. This was more than enough for me though...cause she looked awful! A lot worse than how I remembered her. Like... she didn't even seem cute. If I saw her at a party, I wouldn't pay her any mind. She was a lot paler than I remembered her, and I didn't get a good look at her body cause we were walking so fast in the opposite direction. But I daresay she might've been fat?? Wow...crazy how we can over-invest ourselves into obsessing over someone who really is not at all worth the effort. LOL.

This was a real eye opener for me. Not only do I feel like she isn't special at all anymore (which means I'll finally stop ruminating about her), but I've also come to the realization that the girl I recently lost who I think is "so great" might be the same way. In a year, I might look at her and laugh at myself for even glancing in her direction in the first place! It feels great to finally be rid of this burden I've been carrying for so long.

 

[Bboy100]

One of my best days so far!

An hour before the party started, my roommate randomly told me that there's some costume party (for Halloween) going on. Its a Thursday. My school usually doesn't have parties on Thursday, but its whatever. I finished midterms, so I was down.

Today, i decided to switch my mindset entirely. Up till now, I had been going out hunting for phone numbers which I might eventually turn into dates. Today, I made two major changes:
1. I was getting phone numbers so I can later invite them to come party with me and become a part of my social circle.
2. My ONLY goal was to have fun. Doesn't matter if I don't approach a single girl, as long as I had fun, I'm doing well.

We arrive at the party. Instantly, everyone and their fucking brother comments on how awesome my costume is. I quite possibly had the best costume in the house (I was Austin Powers, complete with a wig, glasses, suite etc.). Also, unlike usual, I felt 0 anxiety and 0 neediness. I just walked around the party talking to girl after girl. I didn't feel any need to necessarily grab phone numbers or to talk to get laid or do anything of the sort. I was having a blast.

Well lo and behold, by the end of the night, I had somehow gotten 5 new girls phone numbers. For me, this is a record for a single outing. Also, by the end of the day, it felt like everyone in the room knew who I was. Guys and girls alike.

Additionally, I ran into Erin. The same Erin from my previous post. Well, I was wrong about what I said earlier. She is indeed cute, and she is not fat. I didn't approach her immeidietly. Instead, I talked to literally every single girl around her, and had them all laughing at my jokes and genuinely having a good time. She clearly noticed this. Because halfway through the party she approached me...this is the same girl who had rejected me for being "too intense" (i.e. creepy) on our date from a year ago.

Well, by the end of the party, I had gotten her number as well. Not for a date. The pretense is that I'm inviting her to a party. Which is exactly what I intend to do. After talking to her, I can honestly say that she's a very sweet girl, but she's not that special at all like I had initially believed her to be.

After the party, we went back to my friend's apartment. It was 5 girls and 2 guys (my friend and I). What happened after was not really that important in terms of my seduction, but I feel like its still interesting to mention. But lets back up...at the start of the night, I picked up my friend Travis. The first thing he said to me is "dude, do you have a condom" ? I said yes. He asked me if he can have one. I asked him why. He said "we're going to pick this one girl up and she wants to fuck". He gives me a bunch of reaction based reasons for why that is (i.e. she added him on facebook, and she gives him "the look").

When I first saw them together, I didn't really see her as being all that interested in Travis. In fact, the conversation they were having was pretty fucking platonic. When we got to the party, we got seperated. Cause they mostly just played Beer Pong together. I was out talking to other people.

...So anyways, back to the apartment. As we were leaving, his girl (the one he presumably wanted to fuck) said:
Her: Hey Travis, wanna go back to my place and play mario kart (they had talked about videogames earlier)
Him: No, I'm pretty tired, I think I'm going to go home <-----WTF....she just pulled him and he's saying no?? He specifically told me he wanted to fuck this chick earlier in the night!
Her: Oh, well we don't have to stay for very long! Just a couple games <----OMG this is hilarious. SHe's gamming HIM. It's like he's the girl and she's the man.
Him: Na, I think I have to go back to my place for now.
Her: [Visible look of disappointment]
Her: Ok, maybe I can bring my gamecube to yours and we can play there.
Him: Starts to say no again...
Luckily, he incidentally made eye contact with me as he was declining that last offer. As soon as he did, I gave him this look which basically said "dude, wtf are you doing, she's trying to pull you...LET HER!" (hard to describe what it physically looked like). It looks like he finally caught on. Because just as he was going to say no again, he changed his answer to a solid yes. I then intervened
Me: yeah, you guys should go play Mario Kart for sure. Its a lot of fun. [they both agree]

This isn't really relevant to me. But I just thought it was amusing (and also kind of frustrating for me...cause I literally wanted to pull him aside all night and ask him wtf he's doing...never got the chance though). Also, this was a good lesson in reactions vs results. When I saw them together, she really didn't seem to have any indication of attraction for Travis. But at the end of the night, she pulled him, and pretty persistently. Based on this, I could see how it may very well have been possible that I've missed a few lays because I've been looking at reactions too much.

Takeaways:
Don't go out to "game" girls. Go out to have fun. My game is naturally good enough at this point that I don't necessarily need to consciously focus on it anymore. I can just be natural, and I'll get results.
I still need to figure out how I'm going to turn these social circle girls into lays. Like...yeah, I have their numbers and am presumably going to invite them to party with me. Now what? I don't really know the next step from here.
Props are great ice breakers. My best nights this year have been when I was wearing something unusual. Earlier in the year, it was a sling from my surgery (instant ice breaker). Today, it was a really good costume. Perhaps I should figure out a way to incorporate something like this into my attire when I go out normally.

 

[Bboy100]

Very insightful post! Thanks for all the help with social circle stuff man. Without them,I seriously feel like I'd be clueless. lol.

Start trying to pull girls from parties late in the night to a small after party party where you have a seduction location(your room would be best).

It seemed like this is exactly what you had going on here!

Logistics have been a huge issue for me this year. Both for pulling random girls from parties directly, and for social circle lays. I live relatively far off campus. Like, 3 freeway exits away. Most everyone lives within or close to walking distance. So basically, no one is going to be down for going to my apartment. And the long distance makes it even more difficult to come up with a plausible reason to go there. Additionally, the landlord is a complete asshole and has a stick up his ass about parties. Literally says in our lease that if there's a party, we'll be kicked out. No warnings. So, I can saftely invite a few people over (like 2 or 3), but anything more than that might count as a "party" which leaves me on pretty shaky grounds. The landlord kinda hates us. So he's even less lenient with us than with the other residents.

Additionally, I'm one of few people who has a car here. Which is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I often end up driving girls from social circle home (just me and her in the car), so I think maybe in a situation like that, I could just invite myself over (the reason I haven't done it so far, its only been a couple times that this has happened so far, and its with girls who are in happy relationships...so, very clearly not willing to cheat on their BFs).

The downside is that I'm usually driving like, 5 or 6 people to and from parties. This means that inviting a girl home from a party would require that I just leave all my friends with no ride. So, I could probably get away with this once or twice, but I feel like i'd make me a pretty shitty friend if I did this consistently.

The good news is, that like in this scenario, I sometimes end up in groups at their apartments or houses. In fact, it's even been made clear with one of my group of friends that its ok for me to pull girls to their garage (assuming we're all already at the house. I doubt they want me inviting girls to their house specifically to fuck them).

ALSO, I would start being a lot more cocky.

Already doing this. Not as cocky as Hector yet though. Right now, I Chase frame pretty much every girl in my social circle from time to time. Those which I'm interested in, I'll chase frame more often and more explicitly. Additionally, at parties, I'll often open with Chase Frames
ex. [She bumps into me] "Woah, woah woah! You can't do that! Its free to look, but its gonna cost money to touch!."

The social circle chase frames have pretty much always gone well. The cold approach ones have had mixed results. Some girls will laugh, others will just look at me like I'm retarded, straight up ignore me, or interpret my comment as serious (in which case, they usually apologize then bow out of the interaction)

Overall, my style is very much congruent with what Hector describes as "Big Man On Campus". I'm cocky/arrogant, and I do use Chase Frames. But I feel like I could still go harder and do it more often. So yeah, this is definitely something to work on.

Also, if your bud isn't weird, its surprisingly easy to get girls down with group sex or at least initiate escalations as a group. Girls love hooking up with dudes together.

He's pretty charismatic/charming/social, but he's not very sexual. He doesn't strike me as someone who would want that. But I'd still like to know how to do this, because if its not with him, it could be with someone else.



I know I wrote a lot. So feel free to pick and choose what you want to reply to. Don't feel obligated to address everything I said. haha

 

[Bboy100]

Went out last night. We started out originally pregaming at the girls' house. But somehow, it turned into a fullblown party. Looks like everyone invited people they knew. I texted the girls I met the previous night to join us, but none of them replied. Pretty unfortunate. Anyways...the party itself was basically a sausage-fest as usual. There was one cute girl who I talked to, but she had a BF. So I just decided to just get drunk and have fun. Somehow, 3 shots was enough. I dunno why, but for some reason, there's a huge fluctation in the amount I can drink before I start feeling it. Sometimes, one or two shots will be enough to get me straight up drunk. Other times, It'll take 4 or 5 just to get me tipsy. It's a pretty strange phenomenon. In terms of seduction, nothing of importance happened at that party.

Also, there was supposed to be another party later in the night. My roomate and his GF and I wanted to go. We went in my car and my roommate drove us. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, the cops had already shut it down (there extra cops looking for parties on Halloween weekend). We found out about another party. It too was shut down. So we went downtown.

One thing to note is that just as I get drunk super quickly, I also sober up just as fast. So by this time, I was completely sober. First place we went to was a dance club. I went out, danced with a few girls. But it was hard to do dance floor escalations because my costume had no pockets. So I had to hold my phone and my wallet in my hand all night. So basically, I had only one hand with which to escalate. Didn't really work that well. I spent most the hour or so that we were there just dancing with girls. But nothing else came of it. Also, Maddy and her crew were over there. I hung out with them for a while too.

The people I came with had actually left a while ago. They went to a bar. But again, it was one of those "sit-down and drink with your friends type of bars". I joined them towards the end of the night. I managed to talk to one girl there. But she wasn't that interested from the outset, and I started the convo right as we were leaving. So nothing came of it. My roommate (who decided to go home earlier) came and picked me up. I went home.



Conclusively, in terms of seduction, not too much happened tonight. In terms of my energy levels- I started out ok. I was talking to everyone, and having a good time. But towards the end of the night, I kinda slowed down, and become more withdrawn/introverted. And I was having a harder time keeping conversations alive. This is a known phenomenon for me. It happens pretty often. Although I'm not quite sure why.

Takeaways:
Not much. I guess one thing which I kinda already knew but confirmed again is that I function far better when I'm sober than when I'm drunk. I wish I could say more about last night, but it was pretty uneventful

 

[Bboy100]

Halloween tonight. We started out with a big group of people at the Girls's house. No sexually available cute girls though. We pregame as per usual. We know of a couple parties for the night. Long story short, none of them were letting people in because they were too packed. We ended up wandering the street for about an hour before heading back to the house. I REALLY wasn't down for another night of just talking with the same people. So, just as we were arriving, I saw two girls chatting by the sidewalk. I walk up to them, introduce myself, ask them what their doing. They told me they're going to a party. I asked if I can tag along. They said yes.

It just so happens that said party was a block away. I walk in and it is PACKED. Instantly, I found a girl and start dancing with her. She had a ROCKIN bod, and she was going hard. Straight up pushing against me. I figure now would be a good a time as any to do dance floor escalation. I had a seduction location literally a minute away by foot, and this girl seemed to be down. I start slowly moving my hands up and down her body. I moved my hands to her breasts, and just as I was going to start going back down to her hips, she moved my hands back on her breasts. So I kept them there for a while. Then I start going down to her legs, and back up to her breasts. I did this a few more times, finally, I started going for her pussy. Looks like this was a mistake. She was instantly put off by this. She broke away from me and went back to her friends.

I danced with a few other girls, but nothing came of it. I went outside, talked to this one girl, Maggie. I grabbed her number just as they were leaving.

So I heading back in the party. The guy at the door asked me who I knew. I said I was just in there. He persisted, asking me "who do you know?" I told him I was literally just with two girls, they knew the owners of this party. We go back and fourth repeating the same conversation a few times. Just as it looked like I was going to get kicked out, some other dude came up and told the guy he just saw me in there and that I'm cool. They let me in.

I went around trying to dance with a few more girls, but none of them were down. Chatted with a few more people etc.

I start chatting with this one girl, bantering about her costume etc. Right as I start, some dude pulls me aside and says
Him: She's not interested. You need to leave.
Me: What the fuck? Who are you?
Him: [Starts pushing me towards the door] Dude, you need to leave, she's not fucking interested.
Me: Ok, she's not interested. Get off my dick dude, I'm not gonna hit on your girl if she means the whole world to you.
Him: Tbh, I don't give a fuck about her, I live in [City which isn't even close], but my buddy who lives here is trynna hit that.
[The same dude who wasn't letting me in earlier shows up, both of them trying to push me out]
Him: Dude you, need to leave.
Me: Ok, I won't talk to the girl anymore, I honestly don't give a fuck.
Him (the guy that just showed up): Yeah its all good. But you need to leave. Just walk away.
Me: Ok, I'll leave but first, tell me what I did wrong.
Him: You didn't do anything wrong. Just leave.
Me: Ok, if I didn't do anything wrong, why are you kicking me out?
Him: Dude, just walk away.
Me: Just tell me what I did wrong.
[This goes on for a while]
Him: Dude, you didn't do anything, its just basic defusion. For every girl here, two dudes come in. <----This is true. Even though it was a pretty poppin party, there were considerably more guys than girls.
Me: [Seeing that I can't win by arguing, I decided to change strategies] Ahh, ok, I see. Yeah, I understand man. Well, thanks for the party. It was a good one [I shake his hand]
Him: Yeah, I'm sorry dude. Listen, just have a smoke outside and come back in 15. It'll be a whole different story then. After we clear some of these people out, I'll let you in.

I go back to the girls's house as it was a one min walk away. I was gonna go back to the party, but I really didn't feel like going back alone cause I instantly started feeling kinda depressed after that exchange (dunno why).

Long story short, after a little while, we decide to go downtown. Just me one of the girls from the house (she's not attractive). She was going down to meet a guy she met off Tinder a while ago. They're fuckbuddies now. I drop her off and go park. When I get to the club, I see her no where. I assume she's inside. I go in. I can't find her.

But since I'm here now, I decided to try to do some more dance floor game. Well, I did end up dancing with a few girls, but it got no where. I feel like I need to reread Alek's articles. I might be missing some fine details- details which would make a world of difference. After a while, I leave and go home.

Takeaways:
Go over dance floor game again. I mightve been able to pull that first girl from the party had I done it correctly.
Still very fluctuaty in terms of mood. When I'm actually talking to people or dancing with a girl, I feel good. But when I'm just walking around at parties, I feel like shit. Like, straight up depressed. Just feels like everyone is getting laid/has girls in their lives except me (I realize how false this line of thought is. But its just the feeling I get when I'm out alone). I seriously need to figure this issue out. The anxiety I get throughout the day and the depression I get when I'm out is a symptom of something bigger and deeper. Hopefully the therapy I'm starting will help.
I have some trouble getting past small talk. Several of the girls I talked to at the party and at the club, I lost because I got stuck on superficial/awkward topics. <----Interestingly enough, I don't have this problem on dates. It's only when I'm out meeting new girls. Not sure why.
Still need to work on being a little more arrogant, and doing more chase frames from the outset.

 

[Bboy100]

A couple Notes which I want to tag on to last night:
1. I was successful in last week's goal of opening one girl direct every day before leaving campus. In fact, I exceeded the standard I had set. I did 9 direct opens throughout the course of 5 days. And I did at least one each day.

2. The guys at the door from my last post were seriously disrespecting me. I definitely should not be putting up with shit like that. Would have been much better for me to just call them out on their shit, and be 10x the assholes they were instead of trying to reason with them (see Tucker Max or Anatman's work to gain a better understanding of what I mean). Especially the first guy who pulled me away at the start. Cause that behavior is completely unacceptable to me. The issue is, I'm still recovering from surgery. So I'm legit scared of getting into fights. Cause if someone hits my shoulder, It could permanently get fucked up.
As soon as its healed, I'll feel a lot more confidant about being assertive and standing up for myself in situations like those (I've actually had several cases of being pushed around/intimidated by other guys throughout the past few weekends. And I've mostly had to just had to suck it up and take their shit. Kinda makes me feel like a pussy)

 

[Lotus]

Hey Bboy,

I don't have any problems with the way you handled it, yeah they were pretty disrespectful at first, but you kept you're cool and they invited you to come back later. If they are at the door and it's actually their house they have every right to screen people at the door. Back in my days we did the same thing especially when parties got popping, "I came in with two girls and they know they guys throwing the party" is something many people say to get in the party.

Trying to pull macho shit at someone else's house, especially a house full of people you don't know, isn't going to end well.

If you ever end up there again and those dudes are at the door again they will remember how chill you were about leaving. We kicked plenty of guys out of parties just because they were guys and they didn't know anyone else.

It's different than being at a bar that's neutral ground or you're home turf.

-Lotus

 

[Bboy100]

Inner Game: I discussed some of my social anxiety based issues with my therapist. He reminded me that all anxiety is based on thoughts. That is- whether conscious or not, in order to feel anixety, we must first experience a perceived threat. And of course, we would "perceive a threat" via our thoughts. I'm now making a conscious effort to pay closer attention to my thoughts so that I can report them to him. The first thing I noticed is that I feel anxious before even going out on a Friday night. I kinda knew this before, but I didn't look into it too much. This time, I thought about it for a while. Here are my findings:

I'm anxious about going out/going to parties- so I asked myself...why?

The answer is that I'm anxious about the rejection I consistently face every time I go out. It feels like I constantly have to verbally fight obnoxious drunk guys just to get in/stay in the venue. And even once I'm there, girls will either treat me like I'm an annoying little fly, or they'll give me their numbers and not reply after that. This makes me feel like I'm putting in a shitton of effort and getting nothing in return. Frankly, none of it is fun. Even when I set my goal to have fun, I often fail to accomplish that. Because lets be real...dealing with drunk guys and facing chronic rejection is never fun. Doesn't matter who you are. Knowing this...it makes sense that I'm anxious. I'm consistently forcing myself into a situation which in which I feel powerless. The only exception to this is when I'm either REALLY in state, or at a party where I know at least some of the people there. But relying on those two things doesn't give me the freedom I desire (being able to approach girls anytime anywhere and produce positive results).

The few times I've tried it, Day Game hasn't really produced a different result. Girls will either be straight up panicky when I approach them, act skeptical, or give me their phone numbers then never reply when I actually text them.

Given these new found realizations, I can also understand why I felt so much less anxious at the start of the school year than I do now. At the start, it had been a while since I had done any cold approaching. I had only gone on Tinder dates- a place where I get (mostly) positive reference points. Cause even when it doesn't work out, I can tell girls at least respect me, and are attracted to me. Then, once I started going to parties, I started building negative reference points. Cause as mentioned above, parties are an environment in which girls treat me like absolute dirt.

So this leaves me at a crossroads: Should I even bother with cold approach anymore? ...I mean, if all it ever does is make me feel shitty, what's the point? Up till now, I assumed mass exposure to rejection would desensitize me. But I feel like given the amount of time I've been doing cold approach and the situation it's put me in, it might be reasonable for me to begin to question this line of thought. On the other hand though, if I don't cold approach, then I will never truly have the freedom to lead the relationship life I desire. I'll basically be stuck with whatever social circle/online dating brings me. I'll never be 100% in control of my life. This is equally unacceptable. Also, if I continue to feel anxious at parties, it doesn't matter how much I work on my "game" because my internal state will always create a vibe which is offputting.

Tbh, I really don't know what to do.

Tonight: Not really much to say about tonight. I started out at the frat house. I took a shot. There were only a few people there. So I suggested we go downtown. Alana was the only one who could go. Everyone else was underage and had no fake id. She on the other hand, did. First, we went to a cocktail bar. Nothing too exciting happened there. It was very small, and there were no cute girls. I had a drink, then we left. After that, we tried to go to Glow (dance club), but Alana had her fake ID confiscated cause she was too drunk to remember her fake address and zipcode. She then proceeded to get super pissed off/weird. As we were heading back to my car, she basically randomly ran away. Once I caught her, she refused to go back to the car. Eventually, I just left her.

I also couldn't find my car for a while. After about 20 mins of searching, I called her. She said she was at the VU (somewhere at school...dunno how she supposedly got there). I drove there. Unfortunately, that's an area I'm technically not supposed to drive through. I get pulled over by a cop. Luckily, I got no ticket. I called Alana again. After about 30 mins of her trying to explain to me where she is, I finally found her. I took her home and hung out with Kelsey and some guy she met off Tinder. lol.

In hindsight, I probably should have just gone back to glow on my own to do some nightgame. Conclusively, this post was more for the inner game reflection portion. Not so much for the night out tonight. Cause tonight, nothing of significance really happened. haha

P.S.

To anyone reading this: I'm sorry for the negativity. I usually try to keep my personal problems off the forums. But since this isn't a question or a forum thread, I feel like this journal is a good place to express myself. And it in of itself is quite therapeutic.

 

[Bboy100]

Neither of these were "outings" per say. But they still were valuable experiences talking to girls. So I figured I might as well add them to my journal.

The Power of Social Momentum: I was out the other day shopping for jeans. I went to one of the local malls. While I'm there, I figured I might as well do a couple approaches (still have quite a bit of AA during the day). I had just recently watched Sausha Day Game, so I wanted to try his method of being somewhat over the top and high energy in the compliment. His classic opener is to RUN up to a girl and say "Hi! I'm not crazy, I just wanted to stop by and tell you that you look absolutely stunning."

I was quite determined to use this opener. For about half an hour or so, I wandered around the mall, unable to talk to a single girl due to AA. Finally, I lowered my standards for my opener, and instead opted to use a still direct but more low-key opener. Instead of using a very loud voice and almost yelling it like sausha does, I decided my opener would be simply: "Hi, you look really nice today." I definitely had no excuse for not doing that one because I've done it quite a few times before.

Anyways, after chickening out a few more times, I finally managed to build up the courage to talk to one of the girls who was walking the opposite direction of me:

Me: Hi, I just wanted to stop you and say that you look really nice today
Her: Thank you so do...[I walk away]

LOL! This was the most awkward convo by far. So far, when I had direct opened girls in the past, none of them had reciprocated the comment to me. So I always just kind of walked away after delivering the opener. It looks like this girl actually wanted to stop and chat. I was totally unprepared for this. So on auto-pilot, I kind of just walked away while she was still mid-sentence. She must have been confused as fuck! LOL

Anyways...this approach took a LOT of effort on my part. Here's where it gets interesting:
I walked into a Nordstrom with a big goofy grin on my face (because I had managed to approach despite my massive AA), I chatted with a few other people. I asked one of the guys selling jewelry for directions and had a small convo with him. Then, while I was shopping for jeans, I also chatted with the salesperson quite a bit.

After I was done, I felt way different. I complimented several girls just on the way out of the store without even thinking about it. Like, it was completely natural and uncalculated. And each of them responded pretty warmly. I didn't actually stop any of them, but they each smiled (genuinely) and seemed to appreciate my comment (unlike a lot of the girls whom I had direct opened in the past. Most of them always accepted my comment but seemed kind of tense/giving me a look of "wtf"...this is most likely a reflection of my own mood and non-verbals as I delivered the opener).

The only difference here was social momentum. I had talked to several other people before I went out and chatted with girls again. And it made a world of difference in my own capabilities and in the girl's receptions towards me.

Now, I just need to figure out how to achieve social momentum during Day Game. At night, I always do it by pre-gaming/hanging out with my friends before we go out. But during the day, I'm all alone and in my head. Not really sure how to fix this.


The PT Aide: I'm in Physical Therapy (PT) right now. There's this Aide who works there. Very cute, athletic/into sports, and she actually has a really cool personality. The first few sessions, I chatted with her as she put on my e-stem (basically, she's hooking up electrodes to my chest). A lot of our conversation was flirty. And the fact that she's touching my chest all the time is definitely helpful. To me, it seemed like she was into me at the start. A few sessions in, I requested her phone number. She was actually REALLY awkward about it.

Me: We should hang out sometime
Her: Oh, is that so?
Me: Yeah... [I hand her my phone]
Her: Um, why are you giving me this? [laughs]
Her: Ohh...it's so I put my number in.
Me: Nooo, I just randomly hand my phone to people!
Me: And you just kinda looked like you need a new phone.
Her: Yeah, totally! I just got an Iphone 6, but I definitely need a new one! [She says this as she puts her number in]
Me: Yep...for sure.
Me: [I start to say something else. If forget what. It's irreverent though]
Her: [She interrupts me/blurts out]Ok, well have a good day! [She scurries out].

I guess it doesn't exactly show through the convo, but she was kind of nervous/panicky the whole time. And she isn't usually like that. In fact, every other time I've seen her, she's seemed to have quite a bit of social intelligence/good conversation skills. Later on, I sent her an ice breaker text. She didn't reply. I found her on FB, and it turns out, she has a BF.

I guess what's weird to me about this is that she even gave me her number and was flirty with me in the first place. Like, I feel that a girl who's completely uninterested wouldn't be so tryhard when she talks to me if she doesn't have some interest in the interaction going somewhere.

In any case, I saw her again today. She was a little less flirty, but still invested an equal amount (i.e. she spent 5 extra minutes in my room telling me about her weekend and her day etc.).

I guess maybe she just wants to do a REALLY good job of customer service? Idk.
In any case, I'm probably not gonna text her again. I just thought this was an interesting little set of interactions I've been having.

 

[Bboy100]

I did some Day Game today on the way to and from class. Also at the grocery store. I looked up some ways to get social momentum going during the day and it worked like gold. The main thing I did was just slowly ramp it up from saying only "hi" to opening direct. After saying "hi" to several girls, I kinda just went into auto-pilot and mostly tuned out the voice in the back of my head. I felt very natural. To be completely honest, I didn't actually stop and talk to any girls, but I put a smile on pretty much every girl's face who I interacted with. And several of them looked like they actually wanted to chat. I just kind of didn't expect that so I accidentally kept walking. haha

In any case, I felt really good today. Better than I had in a while. There was little to no anxiety that went with my approaches, and I felt like I was actually giving as opposed to trying to "figure out how to get a phone number or get laid". I think part of that might be because I've dropped the whole concept of looking at and analyzing every single interaction (and blaming myself for something going wrong). Instead, I just focused on trying to add value and put a smile on people's faces.

To be fair though, this has happened before. I have a lot of fluctuation in mood. I'll have periods of time where I have little to no anxiety, and other periods where I'll have lots of it. So we'll see if this change in mindset creates permanent changes, or if this is just another "phase" so to speak.

In any case, for now, things are looking good.
Next time, I'll look for opportunities to actually have conversations instead of just walking by and complimenting/making a witty remark.

 

[Bboy100]

I haven't been able to have too many interactions with girls as of late. This is mainly because it's Winter, which means it's really cold out. Most people don't really host parties right now, cause no one really feels like going out. So at most, there might be some small kickbacks going on around campus which I don't know of. And downtown sucks. So I'm not even going to bother with that. Also, I've been spending my weekends helping out my Wrestling team. So I've been busy. I have done a few day game interactions, but none of them are note-worthy. So there is no point in writing about them.

Instead, I'm going to write a more inner-game focused entry today. Because one of the things I learned is pretty important, and could be rather paradigm-shifting. Moreover, this information might be helpful to some other people here as well.

I saw my therapist today. He's the first person I've ever told in detail about what I'm doing here. Namely, that I'm dating a lot of women in hopes of improving myself, and of eventually finding a high-quality girl to take as a GF. I mentioned some of the things that happened on my dates. I did not mention any of the things we learn here at GC. He had no helpful insight into the dates themselves (which is expected given that he's not a dating coach). So I will skip conversation related to that.

Instead, I'd like to talk about what we discovered to be at the core of my anxiety: My fear of never finding a girl who I'd like to have as a GF. Or that even if I do, she'll feel so scarce, that it's likely I would become needy/co-dependent etc.

One thing to note is that anxiety stems from feeling threat (real or perceived). In this case, I feel the "threat" that I will never lead the relationship life I desire. Because of this, I often feel anxiety when I interact with anything related to dating. This includes but is not limited to reading GC or other dating advice, seeing a hot girl, hearing about a hot girl, being in a social situation, thinking about anything related to seduction etc.

Here's what he told me in regards to that:

There is a professor at UW (forgot his name) who has been doing studies on failed LTRs/marriages for the past 30 years. And what he's discovered is that the cause of a failed LTR has nothing to do with the "quality" of the people involved. In other words, finding a girl who we consider to be "high quality" may very well be overrated. Instead, the studies suggest that the quality of a relationship stems from what both individuals build after the first 3 months (after the "infatuation" stage).

So basically, the findings suggest that as long as there is "chemistry" between two people, their individual traits may not matter (given that they're compatible enough to actually want to date each other in the first place). Rather what matters is, taking the actions, and creating the paradigm necessary to form a healthy relationship. Some people do this very naturally (very few people), and others need to learn it the same way they would go out to learn any other skill.

Obviously, there are a lot of objections to this argument
Ex. Are ALL people capable of managing such a relationship?
Doesn't someone's ability/willingness to create such a relationship directly tie into the qualities they have as a person?
Even if the quality of a relationship is mainly based on what they do after the first three months, all other things being equal, wouldn't having a more intelligent, more successful, kinder, more driven, more beautiful, more [Insert desirable quality here] mate create for a better overall experience?
...and quite a few others which I don't feel like typing up.

The point is, this doesn't entirely make sense to me yet. But it seems like if it's true, I may have been focusing on the wrong thing all along. I'll find out more information next time I see him.

Also, what are the things which couples supposedly need to do to create such a relationship? We've yet to look at that too.

Ultimtely though, this hasn't actually improved upon my anxiety. I still feel anxious when faced with "dating related situations". So there is still more work to be done.

 

[Bboy100]

Pretty unusual Tinder date today. I'm in the Seattle area for Thanksgiving break. The girl lived in a city half an hour away. So we decided to meet somewhere in between our cities. So it was about 15 mins of drive time. The plan was to pull her from there. I was late by 5 mins. So she was already sitting there. I walk up to her:

Me: Hey, whatsup.
Her: Hi
Me: [Still not sitting] How are you doing?
Her: [Doesn't move] Good.
Me: [I stay standing up giving her a look like I expect something]
Me: [In playful tone of voice] Woow so, no hug?!
Her: No.

I've done this move several times before. And most girls either decline but with a smile/laugh or get up and give me a hug. In this case, she gave a very stone cold and neatural "no". I tried to banter with her a few more times. But every time I tried, she responded in a very neutral/matter-of-factly way. This kinda made me look like I'm tryharding to make her laugh and she isn't biting. Not good. I had met a few girls like this before in the past. For girls like her, its best to use the advice Radeng gave me a while back- Mostly deep dive/build a connection and insert a cocky comment into the conversation every once in a while. Cause continuously trying to banter/make light-hearted jokes with girls like that doesn't usually work.

So I deep dive her for about 5 more mins than get some compliance:
Me: Let's go get ice cream.
Her: Ok.

We go buy our ice cream. When we sit down, she literally pulls out her phone and starts looking at her texts. She then told me her friend OD'd on alcohol or some shit. She showed me the texts. This was indeed the case. Her friend had spammed her with like, 4 texts asking for help within the past couple minutes. She calls her friend. Chats with her for like, 20 seconds. Then she says she has to go pick her up. She then asked me if we can reschedule. I said I'm ok with that. She said she'll text me.

All of this happened within the time span of about 10 mins. The friend thing seemed pretty legit to me. Cause she showed me the texts and everything.

But in general, I could tell she wasn't really into me at all. Either that, or she's just a very negative person. Cause she had a very disinterested/disdainful vibe. Interestingly enough, I feel like I wasn't all too into her either. She was kind of cute. But nothing special. And the fact that she was cold/standoffish towards me was a big turnoff. Also, even though it was a good thing she did it in this case...I find straight up ignoring me to look at texts to be pretty disrespectful.

Given the circumstances, I'm having a hard time telling if my "disinterest" was real, or if I'm just auto-rejecting her. Also, since she seemed kind of offput by me from the start, is there anything I really could have done differently? Or was this date doomed to failure from the start?

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Bboy,

I read your LR. The change to a big city made a difference. Great job of making yourself at home at the party. Just enjoy college for what it is.

Regarding the Tinder date it first hit me is this was her out plan. Girls have the out preset up alot of times. Being the father of two daughters I know this for sure. They do it. Don't take it personally. She sounded really stiff and boring. You don't know what was going on with her. The only thing I can think of is maybe she expected you to pick her up and wasn't happy about driving to me you. Assume it was her issue.

SGent

 

[Bboy100]

She sounded really stiff and boring. You don't know what was going on with her. The only thing I can think of is maybe she expected you to pick her up and wasn't happy about driving to me you. Assume it was her issue.

Yeah, that's kinda the impression I got too. But at the same time, from a self-improvement standpoint, blaming the girl for a bad date is not useful.

One thing of note is that my Tinder pictures make me look significantly better than I do IRL (I'm still pretty good looking...but my pics are literally model quality). Also, she was taller than me. Perhaps those two things, combined with the fact that I was a little late was a turnoff for her.

Regardless, I've been on enough Tinder dates to know that none of those things usually have any impact on the outcome of the date at all. So whatever the case, I feel like it's safe to say that this one was an outlier. So there's no need to worry about it.

 

[Bboy100]

Tinder date today. I met the most emotionally fucked up girl I've ever talked to. The first thing she told me when I met her is that she just got back from Arizona where she lived with her step father who is now in prison. Throughout the date, she also mentioned that she has various health problems including:

Epilepsy
ADHD
Anorexia
Depression
"Scattered Migraines" <---not sure if that's what its called. But it was something along those lines.

She told me how she hates her mom but still lives with her and is dependant on her. She said she wanted to have a baby by the time she's 23. She's a super senior in HS (didn't know that before I met her). She hates everyone in her family. She has ONE friend. She was bullied all throughout her school career. She has no money because her mother doesn't give her any. When I asked her how she gets food, clothes etc., her response was 'I do what I have to do". She's had 2 BFs, both of whom cheated on her. One of whom left her for a 14 year old girl. She openly admits she still loves both of them, even though she thinks "they're both the biggest douchebags she's ever met". She hasn't stayed in one location for more than 6 months (i.e. she's always moving). She literally did not stop talking about how much she loves smoking weed. She claimed she sent me her FB account so I can add her. She never did this. But she was 100% sure. She argued with me about it for like, 2 mins. Overall, she didn't mention anything positive about her life whatsoever.

In fact, I even asked her: Ok, so tell me something good about your life.
Her response was to break down in tears.

She's never had a job and claims that no one accepts her applications. She also says she feels scared to move away from her mother even though she hates her so much (btw, her mother got pregnant with her when she was 19).

I truly feel bad for this girl. Like, I don't even judge her. She sounds like she's had a rough time of it and life dealt her a shitty hand. It's people like her who inspire me to become a therapist (which is what I'm going to school for).

I tried to thread cut all these topics, but there was really no where to go. No matter what part of her life I asked her about, it was always negative.

Having said that, I also made a mistake. Just out of habit, at the end of the date, after I drove her home, I kissed her. Normally, this would be nbd. But I REALLY didn't want to give this girl the idea that I'm interested in her. Needless to say, this is not the way to go about doing this.

In any case, I don't plan on texting her back. Even though I potentially could fuck her if I go on another date, it feels given how batshit crazy she is, that's probably a bad idea. Both for her sake and mine.