Bboy's Nightgame

[Bboy100]

I'm Stuck!

Inner Game: So I'm still in the process of figuring out the real reason for all my anxiety. But on a surface level, it's become fairly obvious where it's from. Basically, when I do pick up (or anything else that's important to me), I get so outcome dependent, that I can't stop worrying about it. So I kinda end up feeling anxious all the time.

Ex.
I might have a goal of going out on 2 dates in the next week. I must have two dates, otherwise I feel like I have failed. There is no way I can guarantee I will have two dates. It's merely a goal. But it becomes so important to me, that I start to feel anxious about it all day.

The Solution: The solution is to stop worrying about outcomes. Stop worrying about getting phone numbers, dates, lays, approaches, etc. Instead, I was told that the best thing to do is to "be present" or "be in the moment". Unfortuntely, this advice didn't work out to well for me. Reason being is that I'm one of those people who gets drained by socializing. It's pleasant but it's tiring. As such, motivating myself to even go out, let alone actually approach is a conscious effort for me. When I'm "In the moment" I choose to not do anything. Because that's the path of least resistance and that's the path I would be most inclined to take.

So basically, right now, I feel like I have two options: Either meet no girls, or always feel anxious. This can even be generalized to: Accomplish nothing that's meaningful to me, or feel anxious all the time. <---This is very bad.

I'm still looking into more effective fixes. But for now, I've been taking a break from approaching till I get this figured out.

Outer Game: Furthermore, I feel like I have no ways of meeting new girls atm.

Night Game: I don't like the downtown area where I live, and I'm not well connected enough to find parties during the Winter (there are far less of them because it's really cold here).

Day Game: Same concept. No one is outside chillin around campus. The only place with a good deal of people is the library and the gym. Neither of these environments are very good for consistently chatting up girls.

Social Circle Game: My current social circle is not connected enough for me to constantly be meeting new girls through it. And I can't find new social circles because all the group activities I would like to participate in are physical, and my arm is still recovering from surgery.

Online Game: For some reason, I feel like I've been getting less matches I'd like to meet. And the ones I do get, I seem to be failing to get out as of late. I mean...I still get a Tinder date every once in a while. But it seems to be literally once every week or two.

Somehow, I feel like I'm making up excuses. Like, I MUST be rationalizing something. There's no way that its impossible for me to meet girls right now. I refuse to accept that.

PT Aide (Part 2): I mentioned this girl a while back in one of my other journal posts. Basically, she works as a PT aide where I got physical therapy. I got her number, she didn't reply when I texted her. I found out via fb that she's in a relationship, so I dropped it.

Now, it's been about 3 months since then. She's still pretty flirty with me. She remembers a lot of details which most people who are just CS would not care to even think about (ex. she remembers EXACTLY what I did every weekend. Even if it's nothing special). She tells me all about herself and her day, she's NEVER mentioned the BF (even though there have definitely been plenty of opportunities for her to). Her body launguage is that of a girl who's interested in me. Most of all, there's just this "spark" and some ST. When I talk to her, there's a way different vibe than that of a platonic conversation.

Anyways...This weekend, she asked me to come give her a Lyft ride while I'm working. Like, she's literally gonna wait for me to come pick her up from wherever I am in Seattle just so she can get a ride with me instead of someone else.

Also, I looked closer at her FB, and it turns out, her BF lives in Seattle (1.5 hours away from where we live), and they've been dating for 8 or 9 months now. Given the fact that she never mentions him and her other IOIs, and the fact that it's an LDR, I'm starting to believe that he's irrelevant. Next time I have PT, I'll try to schedule a date then and there. Not gonna try to do it over text this time. And if she says yes, I'll even go out of my way to say "great! It's a date. I'll see you then!". That way she knows that I'm not asking her to get drinks as her platonic guy-pal.

Flaky Fuckbuddy: I've been in a fuckbuddy type relationship with this girl for the past month or so. I've only really seen her twice though. Mainly because either one of us has been busy (finals week), or it was some sort of holiday(Thanksgiving). But lately, she's been even more flaky than usual. Like, her replies to me asking her to hang have been short, and she always seems to have an excuse. She doesn't seem like the type to even want a fuckbuddy relationship. So I confronted her about it today:

Me: Hey, I'm done with finals. Wanna hang out today or tomorrow?
Her: Hey, I have work the next couple nights
Me: If that's the real issue, I'm also free during the day. I'd be happy to hang out before you go to work.
But tbh, I get the feeling that's not your only concern. If what we're doing isn't working for you, that's totally understandable. All I ask is that you tell me. That way we can have an honest discussion about it.
Her: Yeah, honestly, it's not just what we're doing. I've been kind of an emotional mess with my divorce being finalized soon and my ex being a dick right now about everything.
Me: Ok, well here's what I propose: Let's grab a bite to eat tomorrow and we can talk about all that.
I dunno if I can help you with the divorce stuff, but I actually like hanging out with you. I'd be more than happy to actually be your friend, not just someone you have sex with.


I think that with this girl, in an effort to make sure I'm setting the right expectations, I accidently made it seem like I don't really care about her, and that I was more or less just using her as a place to stick my penis. So I guess the point of tomorrow is to:
1. Figure out what SHE expects out of this relationship. And if it's not compatible with what I'm willing to give her, save each other the heartache and end it.
2. Show her that I actually give a shit about her and her life. And that she's not just a hole to me.

We'll see how it goes.

 

[Bboy100]

Tonight was a friend's 21st birthday. We went out in Seattle. We started out pregaming at a hotel room. I actually got drunk very quickly. Either there was more alcohol in the drinks than I thought, or the fact that I ate very little really caught up to me.

In any case, we started out at a bar I had been to before. It wasn't too great. Not many people, and the few there were there didn't seem like they were looking to be approached (I'm starting to shift from mass-approaching to approaching girls who give out IOI's/are looking to talk to other people). There were a few girls though. I talked to a few of them. Nothing really came of it. One thing i'll note though is that I felt a lot calmer and less needy towards the women I was talking to. Even though I shook hands with rejection every time, I feel like I didn't really care. I was able to just enjoy the fact that I was having a conversation and socializing.

...Next, we went to a dance club. Literally the worse $15 I had spent my entire life. This was a club called "The Q". We walked inside:
- The music was terrible. I dunno what it was, but it seemed like just a bunch of random noises put together. Don't know why anyone listens to that.
- The ratio was like 70/30 (men outweigh women ofc).
- For some reason, most people were just chillin next to the wall instead of dancing.

My friends ofc, didn't care cause they were drunk out of their minds. I tried to use them as preselection to get the attention of other girls. I danced with them (not grinding, just with/around them). Did this for about half an hour, unfortuntely, I didn't notice any approach invitations...looks like this strategy wasn't working.

I started walking around the club for a little while, basically looking for girls who looked detatched from their groups/open to meeting new people. I found a cute asian girl just like such. She made eye contact with me. I walked up, high-fived her and grabbed her hands. Alek's guide to dance floor seduction suggests pulling her in at this point. I decided to change to a more subtle strategy.

I just held her hands and did some footwork with her (learned via break dancing classes). I tried to show her, but she didn't really seem to get it. So I just did a few spins with her. Eventually, she just started grinding her ass against my crotch on her own. This didn't go on for very long. She found a friend of hers or something caught her interest...not sure exactly what happened. So she just walked away.

I repeated the same process with another girl. This girl seemed a lot more into it. Eventually, I slid my hands up to her breasts. She was ok with this for a while. Then she grabbed my hands and put them in hers. So I spun her around. Now she's facing me. I put my hands around her waist and gradually pull her closer and closer. Whilest makng sure to put her hands on my hips as well. Eventually, I get her so close to me that our heads are touching. I kiss her.

I actually would not have done this if I had the logistics to actually pull her home. We made out for a while. Then we kept dancing. We did this for another 5 mins or so. Then her friend came back and she broke away from me and started chatting with her. I tap her on the shoulder, tell her it was good to meet her and leave.

I actually feel like MAYBE I could have pulled this girl if I was there alone (i.e. I had logistics.) Unfortuntely, I had to take care of all the other drunk people in my group and call a cab (I was pretty much sober at this point). In fact, I actually saw her smoking outside after a while. So I definitely could have chatted her up and gone from there. But alas, the fact that I was there with friends didn't really allow for that.

It was still a fun night though. But more importantly, I felt like I didn't really care what happened either way. I didn't really care about getting a specific result from the night out. As a result, I felt a lot less anxious. This is good.

 

[Bboy100]

I wasn't planning on going out tonight. I was actually just doing my normal Lyft job when a friend texted me saying he was in the area. I decided to turn off the app, I found him then we hit the bars. For the most part, it was a rough night for me. I think part of the problem was the choice of venue. We went to a very loud bar where I literally couldn't hear myself speak. There were actually lots of hot girls. But talking to them was almost impossible because of the noise.

Still, I did a few approaches. Most of them fell flat on their faces. There was however one which was of interest to me. It was something I either hadn't seen before or never payed enough attention to notice. Basically, I started chatting with this girl, I playfully teased her/made little jokes to start out. He reactions were genuine laughs (i.e. not fake/nervous laughter). But at the same time, she didn't make eye contact with me, she didn't turn her body towards me, and she didn't otherwise engage me in conversation. I don't think I had seen this combination so far.

It's possible that she was just drunk, so she was kind of "zoned out" so to speak. But she didn't look like it.

Other than that, we went to one more bar. I approached a few girls there and had a couple conversations. But most of them didn't really seem to interested. Something was missing today. Perhaps my fundamentals were off? I dunno. Whatever the case, it was a good night out exploring and seeing a couple new spots in Seattle.

 

[Bboy100]

I went out today in downtown Cabo. It was definitely different from the clubs in the U.S. and most of Europe. They were all kind of outside/open as opposed to being closed off buildings with just a door.

In any case, tonight really showed me how much AA I have. It's been a while since I talked to girls sober, so a it looks like a lot of it creeped back up. Also, I really had no logistics for pulling a girl home, so I was kind of counting on the girls I talked to to take care of that for me. And getting phone numbers is pointless because I have no car, and I'm only here for a couple more days. Today was more about practicing than actually getting any type of result.

Girl #1:
The first girl I talked to looked kind of drunk. I just sat down next to her, said "hi", asked her where she's from...and we were off to the races. She seemed pretty receptive to me. There was lots of touching/light physical escalation. I found out she's a flight attendant who's just here till the morning. I talked to her for 15-20 mins or so, then I asked her to dance with me.

Me: Let's dance
Her: Noo, I don't dance!
Me: Well now that just makes me want to see you dance even more. C'mon, bust a move!
Her: Nope, no way
Me: Ok...tell you what, if you dance, I'll call you by [her real name] instead of Becka (at the start of the convo, I thought she said her name was Becka, when it was really something else. So then I basically playfully teased her by calling her Becka the whole time).
Her: hahaha, that's tempting, but no, I don't dance.

Given that she won't even dance when I ask her to, there's no way she would be down to go home with me. So I decided to move on. I told her I'd ttyl, and moved on. I easily could have number closed her and I guarantee she would have replied. This one was a good conversation. In fact, when she saw I was taking a snap, she voluntarily added herself on it.


I tried dancing with a couple girls, but nothing really came of it. I also missed a LOT of approaches. Like, I'd tell myself "go talk to that girl", then I wouldn't do it because xyz excuse. It was pretty annoying. The pattern here was that I seemed to only be able to talk to girls who are alone/seem totally available to chat. If they seem even slightly busy talking/doing something with their group of friends, I always pussy out.

In any case, I did a few more approaches. None of which lead to conversations. Cause the music was literally so loud that I couldn't hear what they were saying. I decided this is not a good venue.

I walked in and out of a few more bars looking for girls to talk to. I found one. She was drinking alone. I sat next to her and introduced myself. Unfortuntely, this venue was also too loud. We exchanged a few awkward lines of conversation followed by "I can't hear you", so I decided this wasn't worth the effort.

Girl #2
I walked out of the venue again and into another one. This one was a little quieter. I was a little angry with myself because I had pussied out on a few more approaches. So I decided "I'm approaching the next hot girl I see, Idc what she's doing, and who she's with". It just so happened that she was sitting alone at a table. I sit down next to her. She was literally one of the most attractive girls I had seen in a long-ass time. Long blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic, perfect looking face etc.

Her: [Something in Spanish]<---the only words I understood were "no" and "tengo" which means dance. I assumed she was saying she doesn't want to dance.
Me: I don't want to dance either.
Her: Oh sorry. Mexican guys have been asking me to dance all night.
Her & Me at the same time: So where are you from?
Her & Me at the same time: Woah!
Me: Jinx 10 you owe me a beer.
Her: haha, I guess I do.
...and we're off to the races.

The convo actually went south from there. Mainly because I was an idiot and didn't pay attention to what she was saying. I had something in mind while she was (voluntarily) listing off all the things she does likes to do in her spare time, and I totally wasn't paying attention cause I wanted to say what was on my mind. Derp.

Still, the convo wasn't over but unfortunately, her friends sat down with us and she started talking to them. I sat there for like, 10 seconds then decided to leave. Figuring I'd look super needy/weird if I just sat there waiting for them to finish their convo.

I leave the bar (it was pretty empty and there were no other hot girls around). I walk around looking for more venues. There were none. But as I did, I saw girl #2 again. She gave me the most seductive look I've ever seen and said "Oh hey, it's you again" my response was an sexy smile+ "Hey, whatsup".

Unfortuntely, we were walking in opposite directions and her friends were being cockblocks. Literally just as we were gonna stop to continue chatting, her friends pushed her to keep moving. Ahhh, how unfortunate.

I called my dad to come pick me up (I'm in Mexico with my parents which is why my logistics are bad).

Takeaways:
I still have a lot more AA than I had accounted for. I need to do more approaches.
Maybe my fundamentals are getting better. Cause pretty much every girl I talked to seemed either neutral or interested. Although that also might have been because I'm a white guy in Mexico.
I need to figure out a way to deal with friends being cockblocks. <---Not sure if this is possible though.
Perhaps loud clubs aren't for me. I enjoy them, but chatting with girls is a pain in the ass. Cause I can never hear anyone. Yes, I can do dance floor game, but it's inconsistent, and in terms of my long-term goals, I think its pointless (i.e. I doubt I'm going to meet the girl of my dreams by pulling her drunk ass out of a night club without having said a word to her. Which is basically what dance floor seduction is. lol)

 

[Bboy100]

New Year 2016: Pretty awful night for me tonight. Started out pregaming with my sister, her BF and her friend. I felt super awkward and uncomfortable the whole time. I think part of the reason is because I was with my sister. First off, just being around my sister is kinda awkward for me in general. And also, being social around my sister is even more difficult. I grew up as this shy, quiet, distant, reserved guy, I feel like that's how she knows me. And for some reason, I feel very difficult/uncomfortable showing a different more social side of myself around her. Additionally, everyone else there was 25+, out of college and with years of professional experience. So I felt kind of out of place. I feared being less mature than those people and that they'd find my conversation childish and stupid. Needless to say, these fears aren't all completely rational. But its still necessary that I acknowledge them.

After about an hour of pregaming, this cute Creation girl (friend of my sister's friend) walked into the apartment. This was when my discomfort socializing with my sister around first became apparent. Normally, I would have chatted her up and tried to have a convo with her. But with my sister around, I felt like I didn't have permission to do that...almost a sense of shamefulness.

In any case, we left the apartment at about 10.
...I walk into the party. It was certainly a different venue from what I was used to. It was a huge building with lots of different types of museums (ex. Museum of rock, museum of horror, museum of video games and so fourth).

In the upstairs area, there was a band playing at a bar. Downstairs, there was a dance floor with a different band playing. There were also several open bar areas with no music at all, and a comedy show. Well anyways...I kinda ended up having the same problem as I did back in Mexico. I had a terribly difficult time opening most girls.

I talked to a few, and I had good convos with them, but I just can't seem to get myself to approach groups. I think the main reason is because I feel like I have no context for talking/interrupting whatever they're doing. The solution to this issue is the direct opener. But for some strange reason, I just can't seem to build the courage to express my interest to a girl directly. As the night went on, I failed more and more approaches, leaving me evermore anxious and frustrated...not a good cycle.

Other than that, this one girl randomly grabbed my dick then my ass on the dance floor, so I stopped her:
Me: Hey why did you just grab my dick?
Her: Sorry, I meant to grab your ass, but I accidentally got to your crouch.
Me: So why did you try to grab my ass?
Her: Cause you're really cute.
Me: Ok, fair enough.

I then tried to kiss her, but she gave me the cheek. She then grabbed my hand and dragged me to her friend and started trying to dance with me. I kinda lost interest in this interaction after that, cause this girl really wasn't cute enough for me to invest any effort into. So I left.

Also, another girl had approached me earlier that night, but I was still in a bad mood from when we were in the apartment, so I kind of ejected from the conversation for no reason other than anxiety.



Overall though, I'm kind of upset with myself. Girls are clearly pretty interested in me, but it seems my AA is back and I'm having trouble defeating it again.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Bboy,

One suggestion. Approach girls with no preplan how it will go and let the conversation just flow. You seem to be like me and lots of guys. We preplan the approach and conversation. We do this to put us in control. This keeps things from flowing naturally. Once things to don't go as planned panic starts to set in. This puts stress on us and makes things go south. Also approach groups of girls with intention of picking up. Just get used to approaching groups. This should help you get used to approaching the group without the stress od isolating. Once you get used to this then you can isolate specific girls.

AA sucks. The only way around it is lot of approaching.

SGent

 

[Bboy100]

In Terms of General Life Stuff
As a general Philosophy, after looking at some other self-improvement and men's dating advice by credible sources, I've decided its best for my happiness to actually improve myself as a person and improve my social life as a whole, which will in turn likely lead to the relationship life I desire. I've read a lot of the top guys on here's LRs, and posts, and admittedly, its some pretty crazy shit. But I also feel that despite their experiences, at least a few of them are pretty miserable people. I see this again and again in the pickup artist community. So while I don't think the material that's taught here is necessarily bad, I think treating it as the one and only cure for your dating/relationship life and your happiness is a mistake. This is not to say that I've exempted cold approach and that I think its bad in any way. But I think there are more elements to a good relationship life than learning how to talk to strangers on the street. In light of this new information, I've decided I'm going to do the following:
- Join as many clubs/extracurricular activities which I enjoy as I can find. It's not so important which girls are in it and how hot they are as it is whether I enjoy the time I spend there.
- Get my sleep schedule in order. Stop staying up till 2 AM or later. 12:00 is bedtime, regardless of when I have class the next morning. New studies have come out, and they show that when you sleep is almost as important as how much you sleep.
- Start monitoring calorie intake again. It's a pain in the ass, but I'm starting to push 200 lbs ever since I've quit exercising seriously because of my surgery. This is absolutly unacceptable. I need to get back in shape. And if I can't do it by putting in 3 hours at the gym every day, it'll have to be throug eating healthier.
- Find a group of friends I like hanging out with more. ...It's not that I don't like my current friends. Its just that we really don't do anything together other than well..drink alcohol and party. And also, even though my friends back in Seattle aren't girls and don't have girls in their group, I enjoy the time I spend with them 10x more than the people I'm with now. I'd like to find friends here which give me the same feeling. I don't care how much "value" they do or don't provide to my life in terms of picking up women.
- Raise my standards of women I date. I'm not going on any more Tinder dates with girls I don't find attractive just for "practice". Its a waste of my time, I get little to no pleasure out of it, and I can imagine seriously hurting one of these girls by sleeping with them then not giving them much of a relationship after that.

...This is a lot to do all at once. So for now, I'll focus just on the first two...joining extracurricular activities and getting my sleep schedule in order. I actually already went to a new club today...Billiards club. Although the guys there weren't too interesting as people, I actually learned a lot about the game. And there is a lot more to it than I previously thought. Overall, I had fun. So I'll go at least one more time so I can make a better judgement of whether or not I want to invest time in it.



In terms of Pickup
I had an interesting thing happen today...it's happened a lot in the past, but I feel like today was the first time I took conscious note of it. There was this girl walking up the stairs, and she was wearing this very sparkly beanie. I didn't even see her face, didn't know what she looked like etc. But I thought the beanie was interesting. So I commented on it. Asked her what it is, is it glitter, told her I think she looks good in it etc.
She turned out to be a very cute girl. But really, I had no intention of hitting on her, getting her number etc. I was just genuinely complimenting her. This removed a lot of the anxiety that comes with interacting with people, and she was also very receptive to me. Unfortuntely, we split paths (i.e. we were going in opposite directions) after about 10 seconds of conversation. So I didn't get a chance to move things forward. It felt really nice though. I wish I was in a state of unconditionally giving value like that all the time.

Also, one of my classes is with this girl from my HS named Paige. I didn't really know her in HS. At the time, she was one of the hot and popular girls, and I was...well, not. haha Additionally, about a year ago, I got matched with one of her best friends on Tinder via auto-swiping right. Said friend is not at all attractive. This was my conversation with her (the friend) over Tinder:

Her: So, it looks like we both grew up to be pretty good looking haha [We went to the same elementry school and HS}
Me: I guess so haha

She didn't reply to that. I think she either decided I'm still awkward as I was in HS or she could feel that I wasn't interested.

...In any case, back to Paige. After class, I came up to her:
Me: Hey, didn't we go to [my HS]
Her: Yeah, I did! Did you?
Me: Yeah
Her: Yeah, I thought I recognized you from somewhere. Did you graduate in 2012
Me: Yeah
Her: Oh cool! So did I!
Me: What was your name again? <---We had no shared classes, and I didn't feel like explaining to her how I knew her. So I figured it'd be best if I pretend I didn't know her name.
Her: I'm Paige. What's yours?
Me: I'm bboy. [We get up and start walking outside together]

We a short conversation about the class, the professor there... and we made fun of the dumbasses trying to spread Christianity by sitting around campus all day holding giant signs saying "Embrace your savior to repent for your sins!" [Seriously...WTF]. We split paths cause we were going opposite direction.

I'm not really sure what the plan with her is. She's pretty hot, so I could just ask her out on a date. Or I could try to just be friends with her to get an in with the rest of the kids from my high school (they all hang out together still)...cause the entire group has some pretty hot girls. ...Not sure yet. I'll just wing this one and see what happens.

Also, I got my first Tinder date in quite a while tomorrow. Hopefully I haven't gotten rusty. haha

 

[Bboy100]

Kind of a strange Tinder date today. She was this 18 year old girl. Super cute. She had this very outgoing demeonor. Like...she had the vibe of someone who's usually very upfront, honest and assertive. She was latin..so kind of expected.

However, she was also very moody and tired that day. When I first met her, she literally looked like she was about to fall asleep in her seat. In any case, I actually talked about this date with my dating coach. He asked that I do two things:

1. At the start of the date, frame it so that the "first date" is going to be coffee for the next 30 mins. Then we'll decide after that if we want to continue hanging out. And the "Second date" is going to be us doing something else.

Unfortuntely, I failed the execution and it didn't work out for me. It's hard to explain how to do it and what I failed without typing up a whole essay.

2. Invite her over to my place by suggesting we make cookies. Again...there's this whole way of framing it and making it seem natural and desirable.

Unfortuntely, this didn't work out for me because she mentioned that she's hanging out with her friends later that night. So there wasn't really time to invite her over to mine.

In any case...as for the date itself:
Like I said, she was very moody the whole time. Clearly was more about her than me. In fact, she even mentioned that she had a super long day cause she had class at 8:30 in the morning etc. She didn't seem to be blowing me off or anything. She was just in a bad mood.

The conversation wasn't too good. Mainly because I coudn't find many positives topics. Everything I asked her about was negative.
- She hates this school
- She hates her family
- She hates her job
- She hates her classes
- She hates her room/suitemates
- She's broke+poor.
- She doesn't know how she's going to pay for school
...and so on.

The only positive topic I managed to have with her was a conversation about best friend of hers who recently got married (at age 18!). And a convo about her dog. And one about traveling. Unfortunately, I couldn't really milk those for an entire date. lol

What's weird is...I actually liked this girl for some reason. Even though the content of her conversation was miserable, her overall presence and vibe was super refreshing for some reason (I get how weird that sounds given that she was in a bad mood..I don't understand it either!).

In any case, we did have another interesting convo. I've been told in the past to avoid having this conversation on a logical level, but I kinda ended up naturally going in this direction:

Basically, her view was that if a couple (i.e. a man and women) are looking for a hookup, then it doesn't matter who initiates the first move. However, a relationship, she believes the women should be the one to make the first move. Her rationalization for this was ofc, pretty bad. I don't wannt to get into it cause that's not what's really important about the conversation.

What was important is this: She believed that if its a hookup, it doesn't matter when they have sex. But if they're looking for a relationship, it does. She even quantified it by saying "I'd wait like...a month!". I ofc, challenged her by asking questions such as:

Why does time passed matter?
Why that long?
Why can't a relationship happen after a hookup (she believed that if two people sleep together on the first night, there's no chance for a relationship because "its just a hookup". ...Like they're necssarily two seperate things).

She herself realized that her answers to these questions were terrible, she asked me what my views on the matter are. I told her that I think time or amount of dates, or any form of quantification is irrelevent. Its all about how you feel. If two people like each other, and feel comfortable around each other, they should have sex...there's no point in waiting for no reason.

She once again, conceded that I had a point. Although in this case, she seemed to have a difficult time accepting it as true. But she definitely believed that I have a point.

Last thing...and this is why the date was so weird. Her non-verbals sent a lot of mixed signals. When she talked to me, she seemed to be pretty engaged in the conversation, she seemed to enjoy talking to me, she even lost track of time (i.e. I pointed out that its 7:30 and she said "omg, I have to go get ready to see my friends!). But some of her other non-verbals were contridictory. She seemed to be at least somewhat uncomfortable with even light physical escalation (i.e. I'd grab her hand and she would pull away). Part of this is because my hands were cold...I know this because she even said "your hands are cold". The other part is that she was smiling/engaged with me when she pulled away. It almost felt like soft resistance to sex as opposed to a hard no...except for light escalation lol. Also, she had her arms crossed or half-crossed for the entire date except for the conversation about her friend who got married and about hookups/relationships. I asked her if she was cold. She said she wasn't. This is a bad sign. Crossed or half-crossed arms means there's something she doesn't like.

Finally, towards the end of the date, I ended up driving her to her dorms. I went in to hug her, and she literally gave me the cheek before I even tried to kiss her. Like, she hugged me with her face facing forward...was kinda comical. I actually didn't intend to kiss her though. It was meant to just be a kiss on the cheek. So that's what I did. I kissed her on the cheek and she said "Thank you!". And left.

I feel like there are two possible reasons for her mixed signals. Maybe she just didn't like me at all. The other possibility is that she did like me, but she's very guarded towards strangers..particularly men. I would definitely believe that to be a possibility given her upbringing and her background. I'll text her tomorrow and we'll find out what really happened

 

[Bboy100]

In addition to the date from earlier tonight, Jaryn tried to hook up with me again. She's kinda cute, and a really nice girl. But she's one of literally like, 4 girls I hang out with. I didn't really want to put that at risk by having drunk sex with her...leading to a bunch of complicated emotions etc. I guess I friend-zoned her. haha
I know for a fact that she's been wanting to fuck me for the past like, 1.5 years. And she was also "gaming" me pretty hard all night. Towards the end she said:

Her: So, are you gonna crash here tonight?
Me: [Drunk mumbling] Yeah...probably
Her: Yeah...that's a good choice. Do you want to sleep on the futon or in my room?
Me: I want to sleep on the futon
Her: [Hesitates for a moment] Why?
Me: I dunno...it's more comfortable
Her: Ok...I guess what I'm saying is [she whispers into my ear] do you wanna do stuff tonight?
Me: [ I hug her and say] I'm really sorry...I'm just too drunk to be making this decision right now.
Her: Yeah...I feel that. I guess I probably am too. But for future reference, I think you're very attractive [she kisses me on the cheek]
Me: Thanks.

After like, 5 mins, she goes up to her room. I feel like my rejection might have hurt her a little bit. I go knock on her door.

Me: How are you feeling?
Her: Oh, I'm good!
Me: Are you sure?
Her: Yeah, I'm fine.
Me: Ok, well I just want to say...its not because you're not attractive or anything like that. We're just friends and I feel like it could get complicated.
Her: Yeah, I totally get it! I'm just drunk haha. I probably won't remember this tomorrow.
Me: Ok...sorry again.
Her: Na, its all good!


I'm going to keep this discrete because she's in my direct social circle. I hope to god that she seriously doesn't remember this tomorrow. And I won't tell anyone, so it'll be like it never happened. I'm just worried that I hurt her. Cause I feel like for a guy to refuse sex from a girl is well...pretty harsh as far as rejections go. Part of me even felt guilty. Like, I was honestly considering having sex with her just so I don't hurt her feelings. But I figured this was probably bad motivation. And I don't owe her anything. So in the end, I decided against it.

 

[Bboy100]

I've had a lot of activity. It's been a while since I've posted on here (honestly just too lazy to recount all of my random approaches and dates). But I decided to post today cause this was a fun but also frustrating night:

I went out to a party with 4 of my female friends. We picked up another girl on the way to the party. I was driving because I was still sober. We picked up another girl I hadn't met yet:

[She walks into the car]
Her: Elijah! Why didn't you tell me there would be a boy here? My hair looks terrible!
Elijah: Oh who? Bboy? Oh don't worry, he's gay!

[Luckily, I was friend-zoned by these particular girls on purpose. And this new one was not at all attractive]

Anyways...we get to the party. I meet my friend there.

Him: Holy shit! BBoy, you showed up! I didn't think you would be here man! I'm so glad you came! Wanna come see my room?
Me: Yeah, sure why not <----I'm still trying to gather social momentum, so I figure...why not.

He takes me outside, we walk around the house and go to his room from the outside. Apparently, the entire downstairs area of the house is shut down because half the roommmates there don't approve of the party. lol.
We chat for a while...among other things, he noted that a LOT of girls usually come to his parties ( I hadn't been to one yet...but so far, it was literally 90% dudes. lol). I go back upstairs.

I see literally ONE group of girls other than the ones I brought there. They were all super cute. Also, they were in a circle and there wasn't really much else to talk to in terms of females. So I decided I'd try to bring the party to them and try to isolate one later.
Me: Hey guys! Rage cage? [There was a table set up for rage cage which is a party game right next to us]
One of them: No, we have to go to the bathroom
Me: [To one of the other ones who was still looking at me] What about you?
Her: Na, I have to go with my friends.

So yeah, I admittedly came into that convo with a bit too much energy given the context. And I said it in a way which was kind of obnoxious. So that's probably the reason for their reception.

We play rage cage with just my friends and a bunch of dudes. I get bored. THere are 0 other girls in the venue. I voted we leave and go to the other party I know. My friends asked that we stay for another 20 minutes.

Here's where it gets interesting. There's this girl I met at one of my parties last weekend. She practically laid on top of me on the coach. Was by far the easiest possible lay ever. Problem is, my drunk ass let her go when she said she'd "be right back" cause I didn't know what was going on (It took me 15 seconds to register that there was even a girl there...lol). I should've persisted. Regardless, somehow, she got MY number and we had been texting throughout the week. I tried to set up a date, originally, she agreed. But then she flaked on me. I'm guessing that it's cause she was in a certain stage of her ovluation in which she's hornier when she first met me. After a couple days, that was over. So she was no longer interested in meeting me.

Anyways...by some pure chance, this girl shows up to that party.

["She grabs my hand]
Her: Omg, its you!
Me: Who am I?
Her: It's Simien right?
Me: [Skeptical look] Oh my god Bri, this is awkward...you already forgot how to pronounce my name. And for the record, a Simien is type of monkey...double awkward.
Her: Wait, wait is it um....Simon?
Me: [Exasperated, sarcastic sigh+shaking of my head]
Her: Ok wait...I think I know. It's Simeon??
Me: Yes! Ok, finally I can stop cringing!
Me: Let's go sit on the couch.

We chat for a while longer, then this interesting thing happened. She told me a story, in a clear effort to qualify herself. But I couldn't figure out how to reward her because I thought that what she did was truly awful. Just wondering...how would you guys reply if a girl says she did something which is against your values/ethics? Cause here's what happened?

Her: Wanna hear a funny story?
Me: Yeah, sure.
Her: So, this guy was walking me home one night, and I broke my old flask. But I got him to think that he broke it. So I had him buy me a new one for $25 dollars. The one he supposedly broke was worth only $7. I got him so good! <---I thought this awful. That's not funny. That's just being a bad human being.
Me: Oh, cool... [I sit there thinking of a way to qualify that story for a couple seconds] <----In hindsight, I should've just changed the topic.
Her: Can I go say hi to my best friend?
Me: yeah, sure

For a moment, I sat there, shocked at my own stupidity. I managed to make the exact same mistake of not persisting with the exact same girl twice in the span of a week. LOOOOL

In any case, I go back to my friends for a while. I tease/flirt with them a little bit. Not to hit on them, but rather so that others in the room can see it, ergo granting me preselection. IT went perfectly. At one point, I had them literally, physically chasing me to try to ruin my hair (they know I hate it when they touch my hair, so they intentionally mess with it sometimes). But for all the rest of the party knew, I was literally being chased by girls. LOL.

I go grab a beer, and I open another set of girls (turns out, my friend at the start was right...a lot of girls did come to the party).

Me: [Raise my drink...cheers!]
3 of them: Cheeers!

...They're instantly hooked. I had a pretty long conversation with them, danced with one of them, and got two of their snapchats. Unfortunately, I was never able to separate them. Also, I had a guy try to tool me, and I dealt with him very effectively. A lot better than usual. So I'm pretty proud of that.

Unfortuntely, I couldn't figure out a good way to isolate the girl I was interested in. So nothing came of it.
However, the first girl (Bri) had clearly noticed that I talking/taking pictures with/getting cozy with 2 different sets of women. So she comes up to me smiling. I grab her hand, spin her, then bring her body in close to mine, my hand in hers and on her back (kind of like square dancing). She giggles and smiles. Normally, I would kiss her at this point in time. But all her friends are literally right in front of me.

Here's the cool thing though. At this given moment in time, I had my friends, the group of cheerleaders, Bri, and a few other girls who noticed me all vying for my attention at the same time. I literally looked like the dude in the axe hairspray commercial. LOOL.
In in that moment I realized something: There is an almost 100% chance that there is at least one girl in that group who would be dtf with me...rn. But the depressing thing was, I didn't know how to isolate her. Part of the reason is because everyone wanted my attention, and part of the reason is because I'm really not sure how to isolate girls at parties.

...In any case, everyone left shortly after that. So even though I had all that massive preselection, and I had girls literally tearing me in different directions...I wasn't able to close. This is both exhilarating and depressing at the same time. lol

Overall, I'm getting better at party game. It's starting to slow down for me a little bit. And I'm starting to clean up some of the subtle mistakes I used to make. I'm starting to regularly get in with girls groups and get them attracted to me. All I have to do now is figure out how to close properly...

 

[Bboy100]

So, this journal has become pretty inconsistant. I'm not really recording everything I do in it anymore. Just kind of whenever I feel like it. lol

Went out last night. Not really much to say...it was at a dance club cause...y'know..Bellingham night life is shit. I danced with a few girls. I'm actually getting better at getting girls to dance with me. For example, I managed to get a girl who started out dancing with her friend (i.e. her friend is behind her and has her arms wrapped around her) to makeout with me. I also madeout with this one other girl throughout the night. The issue is that both these girls were pretty hammered. Like...I know I they wouldn't have been down if they were sober. So the whole thing feels irrelevant. It was fun, but in terms of seduction skills, the whole exercise seems quite pointless. Also, there was a girl who I was chatting with at the bar. We got shots. I think I could have pulled her home, but I wasn't really sure how. But again...even if I did, it feels like she wouldn't have been down to have sex with me if she was sober.

Still though...I guess I did learn something. After reflecting on the interaction, I realized I could have pulled her by just asking her to go on a walk with me. Cause I had already moved her from the dance floor to the bar. I easily could have went from the bar to outside and from outside to my car. But in the moment, I didn't really think of that. ...I should have been more prepared.

In any case, it was a fun night. So, I'm glad I went out.

 

[Bboy100]

I've largely stopped using this journal now. But I've decided to make an entry more for myself than for analysis of game. I just want to put in words how I feel in hopes that I will feel better. For all intents in purposes, this is more of a diary entry than anything else:

Ever since I met Kira, I've been feeling really anxious. She's arguably the sweetest, cutest, kindest, quirkiest, most amazing girl I've met to date. Granted, I've also spent more time with her than all but two of my fwbs. And she's the only girl I've gone on multiple dates with without having had sex with her. So I guess part of it is the unusually large amount of investment on my part...

But still, I can't shake this feeling that I really really like this girl. So much so that I've stopped wanting to pursue other women. Like...I physically have no desire to be with other girls because of her. Yeah, I have a date set up for Monday, but I did that because I logically decided that it's a good idea. Not because I emotionally want this new girl.

Anyways...back to the anxiety. The fact that I'm not going to see her for two weeks and I still haven't fucked her (she's a virgin) is really causing a lot of anxiety. I fear that by the time Spring break is over, her attraction for me will have expired. Also, she's not initiating any text conversations with me which seems very unusual for a girl who likes me as much as she does. Tbh, I suspect she's only doing it because she doesn't want to come on too strong and/or she's like me in that she finds text to be a really dumb medium of communication for random, purposeless conversation. Still though...not getting attention from her causes anxiety for me. It sounds like this goes back to what my counselor told me about my "anxious attachment style". Sadly, even he had no good solutions for it.

What makes matters worse is that we both told each other we aren't looking for anything serious. But our actions tell an entirely different story. lol. I feel like once I fuck her, regardless of how she felt before, she'll eventually want a relationship. So I highly doubt that will be a problem on her end. But for me, it doesn't make sense to pursue a relationship. I'll be done with school and moving back home or perhaps even out of state by the end of next Fall. So just when it's getting serious, I'll be moving away. Also, I want to do a study abroad program during next Fall quarter. So realistically, I have only one more quarter of school left.

Regardless, as much as I'd like to, I can't shake the feeling that I only want to be with this girl. This is really bad. Especially since like I said before, I haven't even had sex with this girl yet. Send help!

 

[Bboy100]

Writing this up because this pissed me off and just wanted to express it somewhere more than any other reason.

I was talking to this Tinder girl her name is Corrine. We agreed to meet up two days in advance. We chatted sporadically via text throughout this two days. She always took 3-5 hours to reply to my texts. But to be fair, it's nbd cause I did the same thing. I was genuinely busy. I don't know if she was doing it just to play games or if she was also busy. Either way it doesn't matter.

On Friday, she texted me 20 minutes before I was supposed to meet her:
Her: Can we meet up later? Sorry!
Me: Sure, what time?

She doesn't reply for another two hours. By then I was already hanging out with my friends about to go to a party and pretty drunk
Her: Sorry! How about 11?
Me: [25 mins later] I've actually been drinking with my friends for the past two hours and I'm kinda drunk now. If you're ok with that, I'm down to meet you at like, 11:30?

She doesn't reply for ANOTHER two hours. At this point, I had already gone to the party, called her (she didn't pick up) left the party,dropped off my friends and went to a night club in the downtown area. The nightclub is called "The Underground".
I literally see her there. I tap her on the shoulder as she walks by me. I think she legit didn't notice though. She was pretty drunk. I decide to continue on with my night as I didn't want to come off as chasing/needy.

[Two minutes later]

Her: Sorry, I'm at the underground! Where are you?
Me: I'm also there, I think I just tapped you on the shoulder. Wasn't sure if that was you though.

I went out and found her again. I said hi and asked her to come to a quieter area in the club with me so we could actually hear each other. She said she was with her friends tonight and she didn't want to leave them. As an alternative, I offered that we hang out the next day. She said she was down for that. I left and continued on with my night.

[20 minutes later]
Her: Where did you go?
Her: Let's meet up?

I actually happened to be pretty close to her. She just didn't notice cause she was super drunk. I find her again and say hi. Her friend then proceeds to chew me out, pulling her away and telling me that "she's with her that night". Normally, I wouldn't put up with BS like that, but given that there was a chance I would actually see her the next day, I figured it would be a bad idea to be on her friend's bad side. So I let her pull Corrine away.

[The next day]

Me: See you tonight at 8:30?
[No response for the next 5 hours]

At this point, I'm genuinely pissed off. She flaked on me, let her friend chew me out when she specifically texted me to come meet her, takes 3+ hours to reply to all my texts even when they're urgent (e.g. when I asked her at what time we're rescheduling for and when I asked her if she can meet me at 11:30) and now she's not replying to my texts. I usually take responsability for my mistakes with women and don't get angry at them (and to be fair, I still did make quite a few mistakes with her as well), but the way she's treating me was frankly, inconsiderate af. Still, it seems like she was super drunk the last night, and the way her friend behaved wasn't her fault. So I decided to give her one last chance

So I text her:

Me: Yeah...I dunno if you remember last night. We both happened to be at the Underground. Your friend was very adamant about me not talking to you. I'm guess she assumed I'm some random dude. But before that happened we made plans to hang out tonight. If you're still down, let me know. If not, I wish you good luck on your search.

It's been an hour and she still hasn't responded. I've deleted her off Tinder and NEXTED her now. At this point, even if she texts me back, I'm honestly not down to hang out with her.

And just to clarify for anyone reading: I know I made a lot of mistakes with her. It's not all her fault. I let her cross quite a few of my boundaries for no reason at all, and I did start chasing towards the end. But still, I feel like her behavior was inconsiderate from the very start (or at the very least, from the start of the night I was supposed to meet her).

 

[journeyman]

Oh man I can really relate with your night, especially because she texted you to meet up I am confident you could have pulled her then and there!! I've lost pulls like that so I am telling you more so to remind myself but we need to be ruthless at the close. The problem as you said is that you thought that you would get a chance to see her later. Fuck that.

Friend tries to cockblock?
You - Physically pick up your girl and move her to another area
- Pretend to be nice to her friend and tell her that you understand that they are together so you just want 2 minutes with her to get her number. Then proceed to isolate and hide from the cockblock.
- Stand your ground, yell at the cockblock and scare her away (although I haven't done that successfully yet)

Anyway, another reference point under your belt, here's to more success!

 

[Bboy100]

Friend tries to cockblock?
You - Physically pick up your girl and move her to another area
- Pretend to be nice to her friend and tell her that you understand that they are together so you just want 2 minutes with her to get her number. Then proceed to isolate and hide from the cockblock.
- Stand your ground, yell at the cockblock and scare her away (although I haven't done that successfully yet)

Normally, I'd agree with you here. But there were several problems

1. Corrine was so drunk that I'm not sure she even knew what was going on. I highly doubt she even remebered promising to hang out with me the next day. For this reason, I highly doubt her friends would let me isolate her regardless of how charming and/or aggressive I am. And to be fair...I don't even want to pull a girl who's that drunk.
2. She herself didn't want to be isolated. Cause as mentioned above, I had already talked to her before the friend stepped in and she was pretty dead set on staying with her friends (I persisted several times and she said no).

Truthfully, I think my mistakes were twofold:
1. I shouldn't have even let her know I was at the club. Should have just quit replying to texts for that night then texted her the next morning.
2. I definitely should not have "reopened" her at the club. When she texted me to come meet her a second time, I should have told her to come find me. Would have taken care of both the cockblock and it would have framed her as the one pursuing me instead of making it look like I'm a servant at her beck and call.

Also, she did text me back today after 3 hours. Ofc she declined to meet me tonight. So for now, she's NEXTED unless she makes it very easy for me to meet her (i.e. she texts me and suggests a time and a place).

 

[Bboy100]

Social Anxiety:

So this post is more so I can remember the details for myself so that I can talk them out with my counselor later on. But you guys can feel free to comment as well. Some of the details might not be directly relevant to game and improving with women.

I went out to this really cool event with my older sister today. It was basically a "pirates vs vikings" themed massive balloon fight on boats. Basically, it was about 10 boats, and there were about 10 people per boat. Plus, there was a giant floating dance floor in the middle of the lake. So it was pretty poppin. The ratio of guys to girls there was actually really really good. There seemed to be more women than men. And almost all of them were smoking hot. This was a private event organized by a person my sister knows. So it seems he just happens to have a really massive and really cool social circle.

...Anyways, We get there at around one. We're greeted by a few guys and this really hot blonde girl. I sit to help them make water balloons (we had over 1000 of them for the event itself). My sister and everyone except for one of the guys and the girl went off to prepare other things for the event. So it was just the girl, the guy and me. We're all making water balloons.

I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to get to know the guy, and perhaps grab the girl's number if we click. But I was instantly paralyzed by anxiety (as per usual in social circle events). I had a million thoughts whirling through my head:
- "They won't like me, I'm too young for them. I bring nothing to the table"
- " I feel so awkward for not saying anything"
- "That girl is too hot for me. That guy is too cool for me, they probably think I'm really weird"
- " I don't have anything interesting to say"
-" I don't have permission/I'm not good enough to hang out with these people"

Funny thing is, these thoughts are as a result of literally NOTHING. Other than the fact that the guy had somewhat good fundamentals, the girl was hot, and they were both friends with my sister. I understand that they make no sense, but that doesn't make them unimportant. They must be addressed.

Eventually, I managed to fight through the anxiety and insert myself into the conversation. They were talking about bar hopping in a specific college town. I asked them what year they graduated. They said they're still in school. They're both sophomores. LOL.

They're actually younger, not older than me. I only had the assumption that they're older because my sister is older than I am, and I figured all her friends would be around her age. This actually allowed me to relax a little bit. But not enough to behave in a way which is genuine and true to who I am. I was still holding back my personality. Regardless, it seemed like the girl was actually a little into me based on her body language and the fact that from time to time, she would intentionally include me in conversation and in things we're doing.

Eventually, we finish making water balloons and start loading the boat up. I was helping my sister's BF load some of the water balloons on to the boat. Again..I felt super tense and awkward. I was thinking things like:
- "She's been dating him for three years now, I feel like I should know him better and be able to talk to him"
- " He probably thinks I'm really weird"
- "I can't even make small talk with him and he's almost like family at this point"

We finish loading the balloons. I take a break while some of the others go help load the boat. At this point, its four of us. A guy I had not yet met before, the blonde girl from earlier, and a new girl I didn't know (she was actually the only unattractive girl there). I instantly feel tense again. Thoughts racing through my head are things such as:
- "I feel like I should talk to the girl. She's clearly into me. But I don't know how to do it when its not a 1 on 1 setting"
- "If I do, people will see that I'm flirting with her and the will disapprove"
- " I'm still not really sure what to say"
- "I should just get a drink or something"

Also, I ended up getting into somewhat of a confrontation with one of the guys on the boat. There was a storage area on the boat. For some reason which is still unknown to me, the guy didn't want us to put our shoes in there. At first, I thought he was the owner of the boat because he was sitting in the drivers seat, and he had been sitting on it the whole time. As soon as he made a thing about it, my sister basically called him out on his shit and kind of overran him and just put our stuff there. I later found out that he was not the owner of the boat, and he was not the one who organized the event. So I guess he was just a random dude? LOL. Well at one point, I had put my flip flops back on to go somewhere again. I went back to the boat. This time I was alone.

I was talking to him for a while, trying to open the storage area to find my bag, and he started telling me to just leave my sandles off the boat again. I simply ignored him. My flip flops were already outside the boat. I just put them on later. Here's the thing though. I didn't ignore him because that was the best thing to do. I did it because I was FEARFUL. I didn't want to challenge him. I just kind of felt like a pussy.

After a while, we all load up on to the boat. A few other super hot girls join us. One of them was dressed up like a viking. Like straight up had a costume (still very revealing). And she brought a bunch of other Viking gear and handed it out to others. I wanted to take a picture of it cause it was kinda cool. Again, I felt like it would be wrong for me to do that. It's ok or others to. But for me to ask is bad because I'm new and they don't know me. I almost considered sneaking a picture in instead of asking to take one. Again, I realize how wrong this all is from a logical standpoint. But it is what I feel emotionally, and it's inhibiting me.

Eventually, I grabbed myself by the sack and told them I'm going to take a pic cause it looks really cool etc. They all happily obliged and were even excited for it. I took one on their phones as well and they put them on instagram. So again...I'm not actually doing anything wrong.

The event lasted for quite a while after all this happened, but from a psychological/anxiety perspective, it all boiled down to this:

I spent a huge amount of time chasing the blonde girl who slowly but surely lost all interest in me. Eventually, she may have legit thought I was pretty weird/creepy, even though she was actually into me at the start. I think the real turning point was when she saw my sister and that other dude I mentioned above bossing me around. And I being super submissive. Also, I'm sure she could also sense the fact that I couldn't really talk to her because I was stuck in my head the whole time (due to anxiety caused by the thoughts mentioned above). More generally, I just had the same type of thoughts whirling through my head, which caused by fundamentals and my vibe to be completely off. And frankly, even though I still had fun, if I didn't have to deal with all this shit, it would have been a lot better.

For those of you reading, keep in mind that I don't actually behave this way most the time. I'm not this "beta". Rather, I have this problem specifically in the context of social circle. In the context of Tinder and cold approach, I'm completely different.