Completely stumped

[Tackle65]

I've been following Girlschase for a couple of years now and have always been able to figure out where I messed up, but I'm stumped on this one....

Went out with a girl on a date. Lasted a few hours. Got her back to my place. Made a move about 30 minutes into a movie. Got her back to my bed very quick. Along the way she said "before you get carried away, I can't." Okay, so I proceed to make out with her entire body. She says, "Well since I can't do anything, I'll help you..." And proceeds to blow me. Make out some more... She seems to be having a great time and stays the night (leaves very early). I walk her out and she texts me over the next week saying how much she wants to see me and just checking in in general. I set up a date and she has to cancel due to allergies. She initiated setting it up again and we go out for a second date to sushi (I know, expensive dates are bad, but I wanted sushi). Here's where my problem begins...

I invite her back after sushi. No problem. I put a movie on and do exactly what I did the first date (good, bad, I don't know?) When I make my move and start kissing I could tell it was very different. Very little passion on her part. She starts giggling at my advances which, in my opinion, were not very different than when I got her into bed the first night. I persist and keep trying to get her to stay/move things forward and she just gave me that knowing look. Eventually I start kissing her like that first night but she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She came back saying her sinuses were hurting a lot and that she should leave. I throw a hail marry with kissing but nothing happens. I then walk her out completely frustrated. One step forward, eight steps back.

Ive faced last minute resistance before, but nothing like that. I've got a lot of work to do in the "sexy" department, but like I said earlier, I don't believe I was worse than my first date. Does anyone have any ideas why the sudden change of heart even after accepting my invite home?

 

[Thedoctor]

Tackle,

Went out with a girl on a date. Lasted a few hours. Got her back to my place. Made a move about 30 minutes into a movie. Got her back to my bed very quick. Along the way she said "before you get carried away, I can't." Okay, so I proceed to make out with her entire body. She says, "Well since I can't do anything, I'll help you..." And proceeds to blow me.

To a lot of girls, a blowjob is on par with a kiss. Meaning she won't sleep with you, but will suck your dick, since she doesn't view it anywhere near as serious as sleeping with you. Most guys chalk this up to a win when it really isn't. It's still a failed attempt at sex.

Make out some more... She seems to be having a great time and stays the night (leaves very early). I walk her out and she texts me over the next week saying how much she wants to see me and just checking in in general. I set up a date and she has to cancel due to allergies. She initiated setting it up again and we go out for a second date to sushi (I know, expensive dates are bad, but I wanted sushi).

It's quite possible she was still interested after the first date, but you made the second date way too formal. It would have been far better to do something more low-key like invite her over to your place and cook some food. But by going on the more expensive date, you slotted yourself into the boyfriend category, which immediately slammed the brakes in your interaction. If you've been reading the site for a couple years, you know why it's bad to be in the boyfriend category. Something to keep in mind for next time.

-John

 

[kalyan]

This isn't Lmr; that has more of an "i dont want to take things too fast" vibe, whereas this sounds more "meh i don't want to do this.
I wouldn't do the exacct same things if i were you: you needed to change the movie thing, it was too "more of the same" for her. Also, you probably needed to spice it up more to show her what she had missed out on the first time: that means some neck kissing, licking, biting, running the hand all over the body, and less kissing (to start with)

 

[Fuck This]

I'm going to guess that her allergies/sinus issues resulted in a sinus infection. Antibiotic therapy resulted in a raging vaginal yeast infection. Hence the "I can't".

You kissing her endlessly while she couldn't breathe through her nose made her oxygen deprived and resulted in a headache and pretty much killed her sex drive...


annnnnnyyyywaaaaayyyyy, That's just, like a theory man, so whatever.....

I think you might have one more shot at developing some sexual chemistry here, but I think you have to accept that if she doesn't feel it because she didn't feel good, then you are going to be viewed in that light. And that happens. Find another woman who will reciprocate the physical aspect you are looking for....

 

[Tackle65]

Thanks for the replies everyone!

Thedoctor,

After thinking about it, I completely agree. I'm going to chalk it up to pure laziness. I've always wanted to cook a meal but wouldn't think about it until right before I set up the date that would be appropriate for it. I'm bad at cooking for others so I would limit myself (exactly what happened here) to going out again and setting that vibe. I will commit to learning that "one" meal and expand from there.

kalyan,

Like I said in my reply to Thedoctor, I believe that not mixing it up was the biggest mistake here. As soon as she arrived it became a very formal, conversational setting (already done on date 1) and boredom quickly set in which tanked the mood and made it an uphill battle.

TwoRocky,

If you're talking about the oxygen deprivation on the second date, she immediately pulled away as soon as I started. I think it was just due to a completely dead mood. Interesting take on things though! I'll remember that when I push things forward with a more willing, oxygen-deprived girl.

Again, thanks everyone for helping put this into a better light. I do have one question that popped up from this scenario and I don't want to start another thread:

What do you do if a girl says "I can't" in regards to your advances toward sex? During the first date, as soon as I made my move she said that within 10 seconds. We then moved to my bedroom and I went as far as I could. A quick note: after the night ended she slept over and was the one engaging me for a second date with a lot of excitement. Should this simply be treated as LMR as described in the sites articles? I've had girls say the usual, "I don't know..., I'm not that girl, etc" but whenever a girl has said "I can't" before it's pretty much meant "I've got vagina stuff going on; you don't want to be a part of it." How would you play that?

 

[kalyan]

For your new question: yeah, i get the difficulty. She really cant, and you really don't want to be involved either.
The way I'd do it is go "its fine" with a smile, and proceed to show her a glimpse of how much of a good lover you can be; do everything else you can, and give her a taste of what can come. The trick is not being disappointed by not really getting what you want and acting as happy as you would be had you gotten what you want.

 

[Thedoctor]

Tackle,

but whenever a girl has said "I can't" before it's pretty much meant "I've got vagina stuff going on; you don't want to be a part of it." How would you play that?

Personally, I don't really care if a girl is on her rag. I know some people get grossed out by it, but it's never really bothered me any. A lot of girls get way hornier during their time of the month. In most cases, you can probably get her into the idea if you assure her you don't have any problems with it. You can offer for both of you to hop in the shower afterwards as well to clean up. In my experience, there's usually not even that noticeable of a mess, if anything at all (depending on where exactly she is during the period). It's also said to help alleviate cramps for her, so it's a win win.

-John

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Tackle,

I've had several instances where the alleged "period" turned out to be nothing, not even traces of blood. So when I hear "I can't", I usually handle it as another test. I tell her we'll put a towel under her and continue the escalation. And if she indeed has a period, I put this towel and proceed.

You couldn't submit her to your will and she got away with a blowjob. Seems to me that your frame was not strong enough. Don't let a "I can't" argument break your frame. You were otherwise doing things alright during your first date.

Cheers,
Seppuku