Cultivating the X Factor

[Beam]

Also, time for a general update:

First off, I told myself my target was to hit 20 approaches per week. I think I need to make a further distinction between how many of these should be from daygame as opposed to nightgame, because the two are different. Last week I hit over 20, but this was from a combination of both. I'll summarize each type and what I've been noticing.

Daygame:

Honest assessment:

I am sticking with what is comfortable for me right now - which is street stops (either running up to her from behind or passing her then looping back). I have done a few stationary sets, but again they are in the street. I have been avoiding malls, the beach, bookstores, lines (well, maybe not avoiding but more not actively going out of my way to do them, street is easy to do after work). It's working out ok because I have number closed some pretty attractive chicks but it also means I am not really pushing myself out of my comfort zone. That being said, last week I did approach a three set and a girl who looked visibly younger (both sets intimidated me). Both of these were when I was out with a mate of mine.

My approach is more refined - in the last two odd weeks I've gotten multiple compliments on my approach ("that was really nice", "thank you for doing this, I really appreciate it", "you've made my day", "this is like something out of a movie", "it's little details like this that make life so much better" - should have teased this last one with "so I'm just a little detail to you". When they tell me they have boyfriends they seem almost apologetic about it. Part of the warmer response is due to my updated fashion - I look a lot more put together. But also, my voice is slower, I am more grounded.

I'm also delving deeper into trying to find out who they are, what they feel about things, but a big sexual component is still missing.

Focus is on seduction, seduction seduction, the most crucial part after the approach.

Nightgame

Honest assessment:

I feel like I am having attainability problems. Reason I say this is that the last few times I have gone out, I have dressed to impress. Random guys have complimented me, that attractive girl (who was drunk) straight up told me I was sexy, guys I went out with told me I looked like a movie star and were telling me about the girls who were checking me out.

And yet... a lot of girls have been guarded around me. Aloof when I try to initiate conversation. However, part of this too is I am a bit more guarded myself. I'm not as warm as I am when I am dressed down, I feel like part of me is trying to "be congruent" to the clothes I am wearing by not "trying too hard" and that approaching feels like chasing which is incongruent with the "movie star" image. A bunch of counterproductive bullshit but I honestly think this is what's happening.

Not all was that bad though. Had a couple of positive interactions. Approached two hot 18 year old girls (tall brunette and short blonde) direct on the street (pass and loop back) with high energy and they both hooked almost instantly. Again, were shocked when they found out my age ("you look young!") and they were the ones to ask my my social media "do you have snapchat, instagram, facebook, give us something, anything!!". But, an important lesson, the one who seemed the most interested I later found out was in a relationship. Another girl later on who was staring me down and engaged in conversation, I later found out when her friend came up to me and told me she was in a relationship.


Texting

Honest assessment:

I think I have been so militant about following the "text sequence" of setting up the meet early that it has been scaring some girls off. I really think that chucking in a couple of small light chit chatty texts before asking her schedule is the way to go for a lot of these girls, even if they have agreed to a date in person.


Leads

I don't have as many leads as I would like - 2 from cold approach and 3 from online. And none of them can meet this year - they're all only available in Jan.

 

[Velasco]

part of me is trying to "be congruent" to the clothes I am wearing by not "trying too hard" and that approaching feels like chasing which is incongruent with the "movie star" image. A bunch of counterproductive bullshit but I honestly think this is what's happening.

best is to be yourself (how you act when your around people who like you. your friends, brothers, cousins, girlfriends) regardless of the clothes you're wearing

 

[ElderPrice]

You're in solid shape with those compliments you're getting. How many approaches would you honestly say you're making each week? Are you warming up beforehand or are warmup sets included in your number?

 

[Beam]

You're in solid shape with those compliments you're getting. How many approaches would you honestly say you're making each week? Are you warming up beforehand or are warmup sets included in your number?

If only referring to daygame, from the end of October to the end of November it was around 35 per week (I was doing the 4 a day challenge). In the last few weeks it's probably been around 10-12 (with the rest from nightgame) since I started working full time again but I do want to increase this. Most of the time the first approach is botched and awkward, but usually the one after that is good.

This week is going to see a dip - annoyingly I got sick yesterday (not COVID) and don't want to spread it to anyone over christmas/new years. So I've been cooped up at home :/

 

[foggy]

But... say I did want to maximize my chances of getting her out again without going down that route, what would you have changed in that text to increase the odds while still coming across as a challenge? Perhaps offering value of some sort, like saying "that's a shame, there's something I wanted to show you that I think you would have really loved" to build intrigue?

is a good question

the issue is by that point you are not even a blip on her radar anymore. you are just words on a screen. so youre not gonna have a great chance of turning it around through text. best thing to do would be to get her on the phone and change her emotional state, basically re-seduce her, then ask her out again

how to get her on the phone in a situation like that? leading up to that point i would have established an open loop with her that had never been resolved yet. something she was desperate to know about but you never told her. and then make your text about your intent to resolve that open loop for her... and when she replies to that text, you instantly call her to close the loop a little bit and then transition into regular game.

you could also make a request for social help and then she will feel obliged to assist you. blabla one last thing - could ya help me out with something? she replies and then you call her instantly.

 

[Beam]

Hmm, interesting food for thought fog. Using open loops in general on dates is something I should aim to always do on dates to build intrigue - This also seems to tie in with what Velasco said about using curiosity bait. Sensing a pattern here.

Also, still feeling sick. It's Saturday, a perfect hot summer day outside, girls probably more open than ever to meeting people after Christmas and I'm cooped inside coughing with a mound of tissues next to me. It's out of my control so I shouldn't be stressing so much but it's making me antsy. The FOMO is strong. Should focus on rest and getting better ASAP, it's the 5th day so far of it.

 

[Beam]

I'm still here. Got better right in time for NYE.

But 12 days in and this year has already thrown me a lot of curveballs which have thrown me off track. To summarize the non-women related things that have happened:

Non-women related

- Failed my motorbike check ride because I have hardly been practicing (even when I was unemployed, I drove everywhere so I could dress up when hitting on chicks rather than my shitty motorcycle outfit). I am resitting in a few weeks but may postpone again.

- Worked a few 15 hour days to help meet a deadline, which ended up being postponed anyway.

- Found out both of my housemates are moving out. One at the end of the month and another in two-three months. I am pretty much responsible for finding people and have had to come straight home to do inspections rather than gaming after work.

This may be poor time management, but as a result I have not done many daytime approaches this year at all (like 7-8 total). Despite this, I have had some success

Women related

Have gotten quite a few leads from online despite my pictures being the same - I think it must be January and women are feeling extra lonely and motivated to find someone after the holiday season. I was relying on online while I was sick.

Online:

Had a drinks date with a real cutie on the 2nd. Took a risk and had it at a bar very close to mine but not close to any other bars. Started off strong, but didn't build enough attraction and so when I wanted to move her, I had nowhere to move her to besides my house. I threw this out as a suggestion but she said no, saying she had to leave. It fizzled out and was awkward, with massive pauses in between our conversation. I didn't even bother texting to try to get her out again because I knew where it was going to lead.

Had a drinks date with a cute Canadian girl (Nepalese background) close to mine but didn't close (I did invite her home but kind of half assed it because I was tired). She seems really keen but seems to be demanding too much time from me text-wise ("you're not a big texter are you? You can initiate you know". Honestly not too keen on her but going on a second date close to mine this Thursday and can hopefully close her.

Have another date with a cute tall brunette chick tomorrow.

In all three cases, the girls were pretty much the ones to ask me out after I bantered with them during text, which was surprising. Hopefully a sign my text game is improving. The cute tall brunette I'm going on a date with tomorrow I number closed in three texts - a new record.

Social Circle:

The girl from this post I met on NYE, but she ended up being more overweight than I thought (still cute though). But I definitely lost a lot of interest as soon as I saw her. Bumped into her all night, made out with her at one point, but I think even she wasn't as sold either. Texted the next day saying it was nice meeting her and that I wanted to hang and she enthusiastically agreed, maybe I came across as too needy (I think I also came across as butthurt about spilling the shaker while mixing a drink even though I wasn't intending to come across that way) because when I immediately asked for her schedule she went silent and responded with a long text 5 days later saying "she'd started seeing someone and would love to be friends blah blah blah". Sort of annoyed me - I just responded with "Hey yeah that's cool" and left it there. Bit of a bruise to the ego still, but I didn't care too much.

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/how-would-you-guys-handle-this-situation.23993/

Daygame:

Like I said, only 7-8 approaches but fairly good number conversions (4 numbers, three responses to the icebreaker text, 1 date set up with a very sexy pale black haired girl on Friday).

One of the approaches I did when out with a wing and he pretty much was standing there right next to the girl which was awkward. She kept glancing at him weirdly. But number closed, she seemed enthusiastic "text me!", responded to my icebreaker but not to the followup after that. My wing told me the interaction was amazing and that I was so smooth, and that even though I ask a lot of questions it doesn't seem like an interrogation and is so natural.

Another interaction the girl put her mask on after I approached "because I was making her blush". But took it off soon after. She was all smiles during the interaction, I could tell she was attracted. She responded. to the icebreaker, but her schedule is busy and she told me she would let me know at the end of the week. I texted her saying what days would work best for me and telling her not to be too long because "I want to make you blush again sooner rather than later ". Sent this as an experiment to add some urgency to the situation and also rekindle those feelings she had during the interaction. That was yesterday but she has been pretty slow with the responses so we'll see.

The girl I'm going on a date with Friday was in a two set. I approached direct with my standard two-set opener "Hey girls, I saw you both walking by and thought you both looked fantastic (I say this so the friend doesn't feel ugly) but you (looking directly at the one I want and emphasizing the "you") are gorgeous and I had to say something". Might sound corny but my delivery is pretty good and genuine.

Nightgame:

Pretty shit. Have been going out with wings. Went out one night solo but have overwhelmingly gotten rude rejections and apathy. The girls are sensing that I'm just out to pickup I think which is where the rude rejections are coming from. I think that dressing down (but still well) might actually help me in this case, until I have the confidence to rock the super flashy clothes I'm wearing now.

Because women have been responding warmly to me during daygame, the rude night rejections are actually shocking me and affecting my state. I have gone home early most nights I have gone out because of this and have not been approaching nearly as many sets as I should.

Nevertheless I still did have some good interactions but the girls have left to talk to some other guys/something else has gotten their attention or in one case, i got the age objection (she was 18 but looked like she was in her 20s). "I'm too young for you. I have brothers your age who are here, if they found out I was talking to a 28 year old they would beat you up". She initially thought I was 24. Maybe she just wasn't that interested.

I wish I had the time to sit down and write FRs for all these in detail - because I know right now I'm not getting the most learnings out of each interaction by writing them all down and finding out where I'm going wrong. There's just so much volume it's hard. Need to stop detailing the entire interaction and just write down the parts leading up to where I lost the girl from now on.

Wings

There is a massive community of guys I'm finding in my city who are into this, and who are into the same type of girls I am. I had no idea these guys were around last year so this is good - I've been going out with them and finding and connecting with even more. Looking forward to seeing how we can push each other.

 

[Beam]

Lots of updates:

Dates:

In my last update had three dates setup - one Wednesday with a cute brunette from Hinge (H), Thursday with the Canadian girl (C) and the third with the sexy petite black haired chick (S).

Quick summary:

H:

Went out on the date, we vibed really well, she drove so couldn't drink too much, I persisted "the night is young" and was successful. Changed venue to the awesome new rooftop which just opened up nearby, which has now started being my go-to when selling dates. At the rooftop we had no choice but to sit next to eachother. We were close, I physically escalated by first touching legs, then slowly worked my way to my arm around her pulling her in closer and closer while we talked. But every time I looked at her she would look away. Every time. She would look at me when I turned away (could tell from my periphery). Eventually I told her:

B: "Hey H, look at me for one second". I think she was a bit uncomfortable
H: "Noo" little laugh. "I don't know what you're going to do!" (obviously she knew I was going to go for the kiss). I flipped the script on her with a big smile.
B: "What do you mean, I just want to look at you, what do you think I'm going to do?" (mischievous smile)
H: "I'm not sure about you yet"
H: "You're very smooth, I'll give you that. And very tactile (referring to the fact I was touching her a lot). Very confident"
Don't remember exactly what was said after this but I must have disqualified myself as a bf quite well because she said
H: "I don't do the whole casual thing, just so you know. I'm 28 now, I don't want to waste my time!"

She opened up about her concerns, about the fact that she would probably have to freeze her eggs. I empathized with her on this and said how it must be really tough in that situation.

I alleviated her suspicions by telling her the truth that at the end of the day, I want something serious too but am not about dating being all serious right from the start, that it should be fun and casual at the start while you naturally get to know someone and then if you two get along and like each other enough, then you consider a relationship. She seemed to agree.

I said I was having fun and suggested we make cocktails and she said she couldn't because she was driving. I suggested another day (Monday) and we made plans - head to mine, go to the shops, get the ingredients then go to mine. I wasn't too confident this would pan out because she was still unsure. Got a text today saying she was busy and couldn't do Monday anymore, have sent a text saying to let me know when she's not as busy so we can make them to unwind.

C:

Went to a bar near mine, didn't close because she had a headache. But also... we kissed and I didn't really feel... anything. Like, she hardly passed the boner test. Honestly didn't feel that much sexual attraction to her despite her being a pretty nice looking girl. We made plans for cocktails at mine on Sunday (today). But.. I got major relationship vibes from this girl (she texts me a lot about her day, she held my hand on the date). And because I didn't really feel much sexual attraction to her, I sent her a text ending it because I didn't want to hurt her. Surprise, she texts back saying she actually was after something casual because she doesn't know if she wants to stay in my country. So.. we've made plans for next Sunday instead (since I jerked off today when I thought it was over and she wouldn't be coming over, so after finding out what she was after, when she asked if we were still on for today I said I couldn't). Not too sexually attracted to her but we'll see, any practice is valuable I guess.

S:

I fucked up the texting with this and took what was almost a sure thing for Friday to her ghosting me. Really pissed off at myself for this one. I will post the full text convo at some point for everyone to see my shame.

Other:

I've reengaged two leads who couldn't meet up in December and am planning dates with them. Also have tentative plans with a super hot blonde chick I approached yesterday. Will write more details on this since this one blew my mind. And also want to write about my most recent nightgame experiences. But right now I need to go to bed. Peace!

 

[Beam]

Small Update - Friday and Saturday Nightgame

Went out with wings both nights. I've found two guys who I can go out with pretty consistently with now.

Friday night - Wore a navy blue shirt and white pants, with brown loafers. Dressed up really nicely, but felt out of place. Responses were not very warm, not that many IOIs. Strong AA. My coach from 2019 ran into me and was raving about my new style "you are looking sexy man!!". Again, same problem as last week - as I said last week, I think I was too well dressed and girls were getting suspicious even though the navy shirt was less bold than the bright blue shirt I was wearing previously. My wing got us into a group of seven girls, but it was difficult to isolate. Decided to use them to get more instagram followers.

Saturday night - Decided to change it up and try a less formal style - ripped black jeans, a black scoop neck tshirt, black chelsea boots and a new denim jacket on top. Hair parted to the side instead of slicked back. Much more raw. Immediately I felt more comfortable, I didn't feel like an outsider. I could rock this look. I ran into my coach again this night (he lives in the area I've been hitting up) and he again raved "dude, your fashion - you're like a 10 - I can't believe you're still single. I can't compete with you anymore". You should know that looks aren't everything my man. But it was an ego boost.

I definitely felt like the man - was getting IOIs like crazy and getting stared down by random members of the public. Had a couple of strong interactions but a lot ended up having boyfriends.

Pretty much just got instagram followers - I've decided to start doing this if the girls have boyfriends or are otherwise unavailable. But maybe I'm just not pushing hard enough. Definitely not pushing myself to open as many sets as I should. Part of it is, these venues I'm going to are small, and I'm weary of being noticed approaching.

From a skill building point of view both nights were duds since I didn't really push myself out of my comfort zone.

Except for one set. Walking with my wings, hadn't made an approach in a while when I spot a blonde with a ponytail and banging bod in activewear walking the opposite direction. It's night time and freezing - so I had my opener. I turned around, ran up beside her and opened indirect. "Aren't you cold? I'm wearing a jacket and I am freezing, I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now"

She turned to face me and damn - this girl was fucking hot. A personal 10. Lightly tanned skin, sexy lips. I hid my interest first up - she laughed and we got to chatting as she walked. Found out she was walking home. She asked me where I was headed - I told her I was heading to meet my friends at a certain bar which was on the way (lies, I'd just ditched them, lol). After a short time I made my interest clear after looking at her face a couple times, feigning a sudden interest "wow, you're cute. I didn't realize how cute you actually were before when I started talking to you". She went a bit quite and I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but the convo continued.

We got to the point where I had to turn off to head to my bar. This is where my mind got blown. She asked me which way I was going - I told her right. Without hesitation she goes "I'll come walk with you!". And so we went, walking for another couple of minutes. On the way I seeded the date by talking about where I lived and the nice rooftop that just opened up nearby. When I got to the bar, I stopped to look at her. She started mumbling something - I think she was getting a bit nervous. I told her I had to go, but that if she was down, I'd love to show her that rooftop bar sometime. She quickly agreed, still seemed nervous. "Do you have instagram?" she asked. "I do, but don't really use it too much, I'll take your number". She gave it to me. Then as I was entering it she started mumbling something again which made no sense at all. I gave a little laugh "don't worry, here, I'll call you so you have my number" and called it. She smiled. We said our goodbyes and left - but she turned around to go back the complete other direction. She'd clearly come well out of her way just so she could keep talking to me.

The mindblowing part - this bombshell was following me and had become speechless around me. Blew my damn mind. I've made women nervous before but not ones this hot.

We've got a date set for Friday - hopefully I don't fuck up the texting.

 

[Lofty]

Hey @Beam,

I’m always very impressed at your ability to consistently get dates. Your fundamentals are surely quite strong, and this new style has seemed to really help as well. Personally, I think that you are on the brink of a breakthrough.

Something that I wanted to note is an idea that may appear counter-intuitive at first. It certainly did to me. Although, it may help your results explode.

In SMMA, Gunwitch discusses that while it may seem like a foreign concept at first, your chances of sex actually increase if you strive for a SDL/SNL opportunity. As Bacchus once explained to me, two of the three keys evaporate when she stares at your message over a backlit screen while comfortably sitting at home. So I believe this is why it can prove so beneficial to capitalize on these in-person opportunities - perhaps especially with women who have elevated states, like in nightlife - while also helping to explain why texting has proven tricky for me, too.

Now, I think we can look at this through the lens of your approach on Saturday night. I recently saw a personal 10 of my own, so I know how exhilarating this rush can be. You easily got her hooked and compliant, and the logistics were great. From my perspective, it seems like you could have attempted a SNL. Then, you wouldn’t have to worry about her flaking over text. And before we go any further, it’s important to note that I know you have much more experience than me, and that these are just my casual observations as a reader of your journal.

I noticed how this girl said that she was walking home post-hook. Knowing where she was going, there was a possibility to continue in that direction with her while fractionating, setting anti-ASD frames, and escalating the vibe. Then entering hers under the premise of plausible deniability – such as her showing you the art collection or travel photos or fine wine or cute dog or whatever you may have discussed on the way there.

Alternatively, she could have even entered the bar with you. She followed you there, after all. If she had an objection about her activewear or something, these nerves could be remedied with a simple reassurance. One about how much of a shame it is that women feel such a strong pressure to dress up when going out is supposed to be about being spontaneous, carefree, and fun. And how nice it would feel for her to release herself from all of these social pressures. Wrapping it up by describing how it’ll just be a little world between the two of you where nothing else matters, soaking in the energy of the bar. Then pull from there. Because isn't getting this girl, your 10, the most important thing in this moment?

Anyway, I can see your results absolutely skyrocketing with a cultivation of this third transition phase. I know that you have your own processes, and I recognize how important it is to be comfortable with our own strategies. But I did want to share this info in case something resonated.

In any case, best of luck with that 10!

 

[Beam]

Hey @Beam,

I’m always very impressed at your ability to consistently get dates. Your fundamentals are surely quite strong, and this new style has seemed to really help as well. Personally, I think that you are on the brink of a breakthrough.

Thanks man! My fundamentals are pretty strong, but game is weak. The last couple of months I've been so close so many times but have kept falling short. If I keep at it it will surely come.

Something that I wanted to note is an idea that may appear counter-intuitive at first. It certainly did to me. Although, it may help your results explode.

In SMMA, Gunwitch discusses that while it may seem like a foreign concept at first, your chances of sex actually increase if you strive for a SDL/SNL opportunity. As Bacchus once explained to me, two of the three keys evaporate when she stares at your message over a backlit screen while comfortably sitting at home. So I believe this is why it can prove so beneficial to capitalize on these in-person opportunities - perhaps especially with women who have elevated states, like in nightlife - while also helping to explain why texting has proven tricky for me, too.

Fully agree. With night game, SNLs are definitely my goal - some of the wings I go out with a just focused on number closes - I've explained to them how womens senses are elevated at night and so the numbers are more likely to be flaky. With daygame, I'm still hesitant to push for a SDL - this is still so far out of my reality that I'm having a hard time believing in my ability to do it, and I think this is causing me to be less bold.

Now, I think we can look at this through the lens of your approach on Saturday night. I recently saw a personal 10 of my own, so I know how exhilarating this rush can be. You easily got her hooked and compliant, and the logistics were great. From my perspective, it seems like you could have attempted a SNL. Then, you wouldn’t have to worry about her flaking over text. And before we go any further, it’s important to note that I know you have much more experience than me, and that these are just my casual observations as a reader of your journal.

I noticed how this girl said that she was walking home post-hook. Knowing where she was going, there was a possibility to continue in that direction with her while fractionating, setting anti-ASD frames, and escalating the vibe. Then entering hers under the premise of plausible deniability – such as her showing you the art collection or travel photos or fine wine or cute dog or whatever you may have discussed on the way there.

Alternatively, she could have even entered the bar with you. She followed you there, after all. If she had an objection about her activewear or something, these nerves could be remedied with a simple reassurance. One about how much of a shame it is that women feel such a strong pressure to dress up when going out is supposed to be about being spontaneous, carefree, and fun. And how nice it would feel for her to release herself from all of these social pressures. Wrapping it up by describing how it’ll just be a little world between the two of you where nothing else matters, soaking in the energy of the bar. Then pull from there. Because isn't getting this girl, your 10, the most important thing in this moment?

Good stuff! What would you do about your friends in that instance? If you told her you were meeting them there (as I did), how would she react if you brought her in, and spent most of the time talking to her instead? Wouldn't she think to herself, "he cares more about me than his friends that he came here to meet?". Also, I have a couple of years on you but I was a super later bloomer, wouldn't say I'm that much more experienced than you ;P

Anyway, I can see your results absolutely skyrocketing with a cultivation of this third transition phase. I know that you have your own processes, and I recognize how important it is to be comfortable with our own strategies. But I did want to share this info in case something resonated.

Really appreciate it dude. I've been following your journal too and look forward to seeing more of your progress!

 

[Lofty]

Good stuff! What would you do about your friends in that instance? If you told her you were meeting them there (as I did), how would she react if you brought her in, and spent most of the time talking to her instead? Wouldn't she think to herself, "he cares more about me than his friends that he came here to meet?". Also, I have a couple of years on you but I was a super later bloomer, wouldn't say I'm that much more experienced than you ;P

Hmm, well I’m not all that familiar with bar/club game (maybe someone who is can chime in), but I think there definitely are solutions for this. I’ll take a stab at it as a mental exercise, but again, this is not my realm of experience.

Foremost, I would think that even if you already mentioned the bar and your friends, keeping her isolated in your own little bubble might be the best bet overall.

It could work like this.

You take a look at your phone and act as if you suddenly got a surprising text from your friends. Perhaps they said there was a change of plans and already left the bar. Maybe one of them was sick or something, so they called it an early night. When in reality, you shoot your friends a message saying that you won’t be able to meet up tonight. Then continue your spontaneous walk with her while asking something like Bacchus’ revamped golden question: “I guess now that my plans have unexpectedly changed, we might as well continue this pleasant conversation. So if I were to ask you what is one thing that you like to do besides eating, sleeping, and partying, what would you say?”

Hopefully her answer to this question would help set-up your plausible deniability to enter hers. Like Netflix, cooking, dancing, graphic design, painting, or anything to frame yourself going inside under the premise of something besides sex. At the minimum, it should be a good starting point to unravel her topics of interest that you can use to your advantage.

But if you did take her to the bar, I would imagine you could very quickly introduce her to your friends (this should help social frame), briefly mingle with them while getting her directly involved in the conversation, and then pull her away to grab another drink together or something. Then bounce. Saying that you see your friends all the time, so let’s go make our own mimosas/check out that rooftop I was talking about/get her opinion on your sketches/grab an uber and go listen to our own music/etc.

This way, I think you’d be able to limit the complexities that may evolve from extended time at the bar while also handling the friends situation and still move the seduction forward. I don’t think she’d regard this negatively – with good calibration and tactful decision-making, it may even benefit your social frame as aforementioned. But the other variables at the bar could present other things to work through, potentially making it harder on yourself than necessary.

Like I said, bars/clubs are a little outside my territory for now, so these are solely ruminations. Hopefully that at least helps to get some thoughts flowing.

 

[ElderPrice]

Dude! Beam! Why did you NOT try for the SNL with this 10??

So you two were walking away from the commotion together... she reveals she's walking to her home... THEN she reveals she's hooked enough to walk OUT OF HER WAY with you to another bar?? Man, that sounds like the easiest open lay-up in the world to me.

Now, I wouldn't have known the best way to proceed. Do you walk with her to her home and try something like the 'can I use your bathroom' line? Or do you convince her to join you at the bar for a bit so you can talk, boost her comfort, begin touching, etc.? But you absolutely should have TRIED to keep that interaction alive and progress toward a SNL.

I sincerely hope you two meet up on Friday!

 

[Beam]

Dude! Beam! Why did you NOT try for the SNL with this 10??

So you two were walking away from the commotion together... she reveals she's walking to her home... THEN she reveals she's hooked enough to walk OUT OF HER WAY with you to another bar?? Man, that sounds like the easiest open lay-up in the world to me.

Now, I wouldn't have known the best way to proceed. Do you walk with her to her home and try something like the 'can I use your bathroom' line? Or do you convince her to join you at the bar for a bit so you can talk, boost her comfort, begin touching, etc.? But you absolutely should have TRIED to keep that interaction alive and progress toward a SNL.

I sincerely hope you two meet up on Friday!

What does it say to her if you're willing to ditch people you're meeting to be with her? Doesn't it say you value her, a girl you just met, over your friends? Which I mean is fine when you're already in the bar and all bets are off (cause your friends are off talking to other girls). I didn't really know how to handle it, getting her details was playing it safe...

 

[Beam]

My stupid animal brain. So stubborn to change and forgetful.

So, after my post here and the responses I received, it reminded me of something I had written in my last journal months and months ago. To be somewhat fair on myself, immediately after I wrote it, my city went into lockdown again for four months and I met no women in that time, so it didn't sink in.

I realize that when I go on a date with an attractive woman (and this is a particular type of attractive, not the instagram hot type, the classically beautiful type), I am subconsciously imagining a fantasy future with her, showing her off to friends and family etc, just based on the way she looks. And this is bringing out needy behaviour.

I'm learning more about what this "particular type" of attractive is. It's not just beautiful girls. It's beautiful girls who show interest in me, and who make it easy. Whose eyes have been wide with excitement when meeting me for the first time. I'm seeing a pattern here. That girl from Bumble who caused me to write that post about after I messed it up with her - she had been the one to ask me out. The girl I messed it up with from last week with the texting, she made it easy and closed me. These girls have also been a couple years younger than me, so I've been projecting a future with them.

What is happening here? I know now. When a beautiful girl shows interest in me and investment, I let my guard down. I generally don't screen her at all. My thought process is, "Finally, I can stop all the games and just talk to a girl like a normal person, she's into me, I'm into her, it's cool". To me, responding to her and matching her interest feels like I'm "rewarding" her. But really, what I'm doing is the opposite. She is attracted to the initial version of me. That is the version she is showing interest in. When I "let my guard down", this is me changing my personality, into something which is not attractive. I feel relieved, she feels cheated. Until suddenly, I get the "I see you as a friend". No shit, by letting my guard down and talking to her "like a normal person", all I have been doing is defusing the sexual tension and turning the interaction into something purely platonic, and I haven't even been realizing it. It's like cold approaching a hot girl, and then over the next couple of days she's managed to put on 20 kg right in time for your date. "Finally, a guy who likes me for me, I can stop with the whole "hot girl" front and can start acting like a normal person again (reaches for the pizza)". This is exactly the same thing, it's exactly what I've been doing. Ugh.

Now of course there's got to be balance to this. I've got to give her enough that I don't send her into autorejection, but not too much. Less smileys, exclamation marks, less "gay best friend" vibe (thanks @Cientifico for that one, lol). But qualify her, tell her what you like about her. Communicate your interest in statements and physical escalation, not puppy dog eyes and exclamation marks. I also need to be conscious of the fact that it is possible to overgame girls who are into you already. My focus for girls like this should purely be on "DFIU (Don't fuck it up)" game. I'm cool, I'm the prize, show reserved interest but do not communicate over-eagerness. This is still just one girl of many, and she needs to prove herself like any other..

Some gold out of COCPORNs book, again which I had written in my last journal:

When fighting for screening frames... keep in mind that it is fully possible to feel one thing and communicate something else. You might be head over heels in love with a girl and still run screening game. Because you know that it is going to make her invested in you, and chances are you're both going to end up happier because of it.

I can allow myself to feel excited about these girls, but I need to be smart about it. She might start unproductive conversation threads. It's ok not to respond, it's ok to lead the conversation to other directions. It doesn't make you an ass. You're doing what is best for both of you. Which really makes you the opposite of an ass.

Don't be afraid of heightening tension. Increase your tension threshold. Don't be afraid to make her a little uncomfortable. This is necessary.

 

[ElderPrice]

What does it say to her if you're willing to ditch people you're meeting to be with her? Doesn't it say you value her, a girl you just met, over your friends? Which I mean is fine when you're already in the bar and all bets are off (cause your friends are off talking to other girls). I didn't really know how to handle it, getting her details was playing it safe...

Yes, it says that, but the odds of her thinking that above a bunch of other things is slim, and the odds of her caring is slim. Also:

- Girls will 'disregard' their friends all the time. Feels like 50% of all night game LRs/articles are about girls who are out with their friends, yet quickly have no problem leaving them to go home with a guy.
- It's entirely possible this girl's mindset was 'I really want to get laid tonight. Frustrating I didn't meet any cool guys tonight. Oh here's one. He's cool. I hope he gets my signals that I'm ready to screw.' In other words, you could have had the green light if you tried, now she's at least a tiny bit disappointed.
- Another answer to your question "What does it say to her if you're willing to ditch people you're meeting to be with her?" - It tells her you have a dick, want to fuck, and aren't ashamed of it, which are attractive traits. It also tells her you're not afraid of mildly annoying your friends by abandoning them in order to get what you want - which probably isn't the case.. they're probably all rooting for you to meet a hot girl and bang her the same night.

So while your question isn't wrong per se, there's a lot else going on where it's probably the best bet to try to make something happen fast. Not to mention the undisputable rule of seduction, especially on GC: The longer you wait to sleep with a girl, the more the odds of it happening go down.

 

[Beam]

Wow. I did it, slept with the super hot blonde. Mind is racing right now. All the hundreds of rejections were worth it. Will write up a LR when I have time but for now, bed. Thank you GC

 

[Velasco]

 

[Beam]

The fucking best, lol

 

[Beam]

Updates:

Full LR with HB Sexy Blonde here

Summary - I feel like I dropped the ball with her post sex and she may not want to meet again.

C:

I slept with C, the Canadian girl, the next night after sleeping with HB Sexy Blonde. First time I've slept with two different girls on back to back nights, but it wasn't an enjoyable experience. Like I said in previous updates, I'm not that into this girl. She barely passed the boner test after making out, but I knew I needed practice and she was down for a something casual so I thought, I needed to give it a shot.

I had her come straight to mine (this was the third date), we went out to get cocktail ingredients then came back. Made one cocktail before making out (I didn't enjoy it), and then she asked to go to my room.

Got there, she was really wet, but I was actually grossed out going down on her. Dick was totally limp. I don't know how much of this is due to the fact that I had sex the previous day but it still wasn't a good sign. I got her to act out a specific fantasy of mine and this actually managed to make me hard. She asked if she could suck it and I let her, but it started going limp when she did. I quickly grabbed the condom and entered her. But it kept going limp. Stopped after a while, then tried just getting her off with my fingers. She was still really wet down there but it was taking so so long. She asked me to kiss her while doing it, then to bite her. It felt like a chore and I just wanted it to be over. After 15 minutes, she took my hand out. We cuddled for a little while, then I said it was getting late. She agreed, and walked home, saying "I still had fun".

I know that I need to be having sex, and this girl is willing. But I just can't get over the fact that despite being a nice looking girl facially, I was disgusted by kissing her and going down on her. And she didn't give me a boner, and only a weak one after my fantasy. I've been girls before that I wasn't excited about that I ended up getting turned on during sex with - these are the ones that are perfect for getting more practice - I thought that this girl would be one of them but she is not.

I've decided not to continue things with her.

December daygame leads

I went on dates with both of these leads, but they didn't pan out. First one was on Tuesday last week - we only had an hour before she had to leave. I was not persistent enough to keep her there longer. I tried getting her out again but she kept saying she was too busy as school had started again (she's a teacher). Despite my persistence, it didn't pan out, she got offended by something I said, I explained that I was being playful. She laughed, and said that she just doesn't have time to date right now. It ended on good terms.

Second one was yesterday. A short blonde who was 34 (I actually thought she was 31). We grabbed drinks, were out for many hours, had some great, insightful conversations, but I failed to sexualize properly. Part of this I think was that I had had sex the last two days and actually wasn't that horny, so my intent and drive to close her that night wasn't as strong. After a few hours, she said that she needed to get going, and wanted to be honest that she didn't feel that strong connection. On the way home, I thought about inviting her home but chickened out. Was not persistent enough. She did tell me that she had a nice time regardless and that I had restored her faith in men. That was cool, but not enough for me.

So, that's it. With these two gone, me ending things with C and me being unsure if HB Sexy Blonde will want to hang out with me again, my leads have pretty much dried up. Nothing from online is in the pipeline too. Back to work.