Does Being in a Relationship Make You More or Less Productive?

[empath]

I’ve read in few girlschase articles by @Chase that a man’s productivity peaks between 30-35, and some sources claim that single men are more productive.


But this confuses me - as per Maslow's hierarchy of needs sex is a lower level need and once it is satisfied, a person will move to upper level and similarly need of connection/love belonging come below need of fame, self-actualisation


Hence,

• A single man is constantly chasing women, spending energy on dating, approaching, and maintaining a rotation.
• A man in a relationship has his emotional and sexual needs taken care of, which should, in theory, free up his focus for career, fame, and self-actualization.

Which situation actually makes a man more productive—being single or in a relationship?

Also, I belive a relationship with high quality women, will help the men to become more civilised, develope more grace etc.

Would love to hear insights from guys who have experienced both sides, when you have been at the absolutely peak of productivity?

Also, what other factors contributes to it?

 

[Water]

Most guys become less productive in a relationship. Personally, I get more productive.

 

[Water]

Actually, in general, most people, men and women, become less productive overall when in relationships.

 

[empath]

Most guys become less productive in a relationship. Personally, I get more productive.

I think it might depend on the caliber of mate you are dating.

Higher caliber mate means need for more growth and more self-control.

Plus they push you too.

If you think about relationships and when you were single and achivement curious what pattern emerges?

 

[Skills]

It depends a guy post relationship be so depressed and unmotivated that can become less productive or
A guy after being dump want to self improve and become more
productive to prove ex wrong and get her back...

In a relationship can go both ways depending on the dude i think the biggest difference is kids... guys with kids will be more productive to take care of kid/kids...

Single Guys can be less productive chasing skirt...

But why do you care?? About statistics... worry about your own situation...

 

[Stark]

There’s a huge difference between being in a relationship and being in a cohabiting relationship.

The former can be nourishing and motivating as you mentioned.

Living in with a woman (married or not ) will make your sexual prospects drop like a rock even if you’re non-monogamous.

Women are wired to get sexually bored and thus withhold sex from the man they live with around the 2 year mark. This will leave you frustrated tanking your productivity and masculinity.

In summary , short term non cohabiting relationships boost your productivity, happiness and even freedom to some extent. Live in relationships start off with a huge happiness and productivity wave and rapidly declines to a level way below single men who get laid sporadically

 

[James D]

Being in a one sided open relationship makes me the most productive.

 

[OldGuy]

It depends on how the relationship is going. Your productivity will fall greatly if the relationship is failing.

 

[empath]

Being in a one sided open relationship makes me the most productive.

I think, you have one gf and rest are ONS.

Also, you seem to be living at some distance from her, maybe different cities or countries.

Like girl I am seeing lives in 2 KM radius so it becomes very easy choice to just see her.

For her too.

Still curious if you were to repeat this with another girl how will you go about it?

I think one-sided relationships are hardest to crack, where you have enough trust on her Fidelity that she won't cheat because of feeling insecure.

 

[empath]

It depends on how the relationship is going. Your productivity will fall greatly if the relationship is failing.

I agree with this because your mind will start to think about how to save the relationship.

Humans will focus more on things they are losing rather than what they can gain.

Or fear of loss is more than excitement of gain.

 

[empath]

It depends a guy post relationship be so depressed and unmotivated that can become less productive or
A guy after being dump want to self improve and become more
productive to prove ex wrong and get her back...

In a relationship can go both ways depending on the dude i think the biggest difference is kids... guys with kids will be more productive to take care of kid/kids...

Single Guys can be less productive chasing skirt...

But why do you care?? About statistics... worry about your own situation...

Well I am concerned because I am someone who usually likes to coast through life but getting and retaining a highest caliber mate is my biggest motivation to improve.

What I feel is what I get complacent again after getting her or if she sucks enough of my time?


But if I am single most of my time goes in chasing girls because I love sex too much.

So If I am to pick a poision which is better.

Being single vs in a relationship?

Being in relationship provides me calm.

Also, I don't think ex leaving me to prove her wrong will have an effect on me because of PUA knowledge.

 

[empath]

There’s a huge difference between being in a relationship and being in a cohabiting relationship.

The former can be nourishing and motivating as you mentioned.

Living in with a woman (married or not ) will make your sexual prospects drop like a rock even if you’re non-monogamous.

Women are wired to get sexually bored and thus withhold sex from the man they live with around the 2 year mark. This will leave you frustrated tanking your productivity and masculinity.

In summary , short term non cohabiting relationships boost your productivity, happiness and even freedom to some extent. Live in relationships start off with a huge happiness and productivity wave and rapidly declines to a level way below single men who get laid sporadically

I am not concerned about co-habitating relationship atm per say but it is one of the end goal right?

 

[James D]

Also, you seem to be living at some distance from her, maybe different cities or countries.

No, she moved to my city. That's when we got together. Long distance is something I will never do again (got horror stories)

Like girl I am seeing lives in 2 KM radius so it becomes very easy choice to just see her.

For her too.

My gf lives in my apartment.

I did go through a bit of a slump when it came sleeping with new girls, as I mentioned on the forum.

That's because having sex almost every day with a beautiful sexy girl isn't the best motivator to seek out other girls, at least not for me.

But business-wise, I was doing great. Almost doubled my income when we started making plans to travel.

Once I adjust a few things-like not having sex on the day I have a date or even planning to approach, the bedding-new-girls aspect got taken care of.

I think one-sided relationships are hardest to crack, where you have enough trust on her Fidelity that she won't cheat because of feeling insecure.

Not really sure.

I'm a newbie in that regard.

I think it depends on the girl.

Mine is pretty secure and doesn't care much about me fucking other girls.

She does care about me having on-going relationships with these girls, though, and asked me (very politely and respectfully)if I can keep it to one time fucks or maybe twice but not regularly. And also to always wear a condom, which I do (most of the time )

I granted her wish, as it bodes well with my goals. I'm notorious for taking a bunch of FWBs and getting lazy af. Good not to have that option.

At first, she inquired if I keep in touch with these girls after fucking them, like texting, calling or sending reels on IG.

I had to laugh out loud cuz I don't do that with even my closest friends. She was reassured and never asked again.

Occasionally when the drama hits, she bashes me for my shenanigans, even though it's not related to the issue we're having.

It's more like something she expresses than a deeper issue though. It dissapears as soon as the drama ends.

Of course, I would love zero drama but hey, that's women, at least the ones I seem to hang around.

As long as it's not excessive and doesn't disrupt my day-to-day, I'm view it as a part of the package kind of thing.

 

[Skills]

Well I am concerned because I am someone who usually likes to coast through life but getting and retaining a highest caliber mate is my biggest motivation to improve.

oh good, if that is what motivates you to improve

What I feel is what I get complacent again after getting her or if she sucks enough of my time?

field test it, and find out, everyone different, don't live on what ifs??

But if I am single most of my time goes in chasing girls because I love sex too much.

that is all of us lol

So If I am to pick a poision which is better.

Being single vs in a relationship?

Being in relationship provides me calm.

try them both... see what works for you...

Also, I don't think ex leaving me to prove her wrong will have an effect on me because of PUA knowledge.

Empah the context of ex leaving is that if the girl dumps you, a lot of guys feel "they were not good enough" due to maybe no sexy enough (so they get in amazing shape and fix style), they were not financially enough (so they get motivated to get money)...... etc....

 

[James D]

field test it, and find out, everyone different, don't live on what ifs?

Agreed

@empath when you reading your thread, it's clear there's a lot of what ifs.

It's good to inquire and speculate.

However, in the end, you'll only find out when you field test it.

Be wary of what-if land and regret/reminiscing land.

That's where most of suffering lies.

 

[Will_V]

I’ve read in few girlschase articles by @Chase that a man’s productivity peaks between 30-35, and some sources claim that single men are more productive.


But this confuses me - as per Maslow's hierarchy of needs sex is a lower level need and once it is satisfied, a person will move to upper level and similarly need of connection/love belonging come below need of fame, self-actualisation


Hence,

• A single man is constantly chasing women, spending energy on dating, approaching, and maintaining a rotation.
• A man in a relationship has his emotional and sexual needs taken care of, which should, in theory, free up his focus for career, fame, and self-actualization.

Which situation actually makes a man more productive—being single or in a relationship?

Also, I belive a relationship with high quality women, will help the men to become more civilised, develope more grace etc.

Would love to hear insights from guys who have experienced both sides, when you have been at the absolutely peak of productivity?

Also, what other factors contributes to it?

I don't think a relationship makes you more or less productive, your mentality does. Relationships however can affect your mentality in different ways, depending on where your mind is at.

The way I see it, relationships are fundamentally a support structure. They bring the floor of your experience up, but in some ways bring the ceiling down as well. When you are alone, 100% of you can be dedicated toward something, but (in my experience) you are generally less happy and content. Having a woman by your side makes things much more pleasurable day to day, but It's a lot harder to motivate yourself to take big risks, to make something your obsession, to make big course corrections in your life, or to throw yourself at something very difficult when you are never too dissatisfied or discontented, when your balls are always only half full (or less). A part of every man's core drive is his existential fight for survival as a lone genetic specimen, cast out into the world without a future. It forms the basis of his sexual instinct, his libido, his desire to dominate, conquer, and expand, and the mere presence of a woman in his life takes something out of that.

But in return, a healthy relationship develops a side of him that is very difficult to develop otherwise - his empathy, his ethical framework, his leadership, his social identity. It refines him, tames him in some ways from a mere beast into something more noble. A good woman knows how to make a man want to be better, not by chiding him, but by making him do everything he can to see that honest, open admiration on her face, and to avoid seeing those traces of disappointment she tries to hide from him.

Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not, your self-awareness and your ability to manage yourself helps to offset the downsides. When you are fighting alone in life, you need self-control to remain calm and stable so you can effectively make progress while remaining a positive presence in the world. When you are in a relationship, you need self-control to make sure you never try to find in the relationship the things it isn't meant to provide, to stay always partially above and detached (which brings back a portion of the loneliness, but enables you to be the unflappable leader she needs), and to never lean on it too much emotionally, so that you never compromise yourself for its sake.

I think the most important thing about relationships is to never view them as a safety net or an end goal, but a part of the path of your own evolution, something that provides a training ground for certain elements of yourself that you cannot train when you are alone. A training ground is never a destiny, but a means to a destiny, if you do every day what is required of you there.

 

[gameboy]

Without having read the whole thread: I think it depends mostly on the personality of the girl (and of yourself obviously).

Some relationships are supportive, others are draining.

So make sure to screen properly. If you're on this forum and reading GC, you already have a good head start compared to most other guys.

 

[empath]

I don't think a relationship makes you more or less productive, your mentality does. Relationships however can affect your mentality in different ways, depending on where your mind is at.

The way I see it, relationships are fundamentally a support structure. They bring the floor of your experience up, but in some ways bring the ceiling down as well. When you are alone, 100% of you can be dedicated toward something, but (in my experience) you are generally less happy and content. Having a woman by your side makes things much more pleasurable day to day, but It's a lot harder to motivate yourself to take big risks, to make something your obsession, to make big course corrections in your life, or to throw yourself at something very difficult when you are never too dissatisfied or discontented, when your balls are always only half full (or less). A part of every man's core drive is his existential fight for survival as a lone genetic specimen, cast out into the world without a future. It forms the basis of his sexual instinct, his libido, his desire to dominate, conquer, and expand, and the mere presence of a woman in his life takes something out of that.

But in return, a healthy relationship develops a side of him that is very difficult to develop otherwise - his empathy, his ethical framework, his leadership, his social identity. It refines him, tames him in some ways from a mere beast into something more noble. A good woman knows how to make a man want to be better, not by chiding him, but by making him do everything he can to see that honest, open admiration on her face, and to avoid seeing those traces of disappointment she tries to hide from him.

Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not, your self-awareness and your ability to manage yourself helps to offset the downsides. When you are fighting alone in life, you need self-control to remain calm and stable so you can effectively make progress while remaining a positive presence in the world. When you are in a relationship, you need self-control to make sure you never try to find in the relationship the things it isn't meant to provide, to stay always partially above and detached (which brings back a portion of the loneliness, but enables you to be the unflappable leader she needs), and to never lean on it too much emotionally, so that you never compromise yourself for its sake.

I think the most important thing about relationships is to never view them as a safety net or an end goal, but a part of the path of your own evolution, something that provides a training ground for certain elements of yourself that you cannot train when you are alone. A training ground is never a destiny, but a means to a destiny, if you do every day what is required of you there.

I will agree with relationships developing empathy.

Especially if the women herself has good self control, social grace, opinions on things.

I also, agree with you productivity depends on the mentality as well.


I really like your idea of self-control and how it changes when in relationship and when single.

(I have personally faced this issue of looking into relationship for what it is not but I am growing out of it slowly)

I think specefically being single helps to achieve pick up goals betters.

But I feel I have improved more while single.

Except I put a lot of time chasing girls as well and putting life experiences on hold.

Why this question arose to me was because I have a few friends who are in long-term relatioships and they are more worldly than me and achiving more life skills/life experiences apart from PU.

Which I don't have and my mind obsesse more towards it.

And when I was in relationship even I start putting my energy towards those.

Still I don't have any objective benchmark towards it.

So maybe I need to experiment more.

 

[empath]

Agreed

@empath when you reading your thread, it's clear there's a lot of what ifs.

It's good to inquire and speculate.

However, in the end, you'll only find out when you field test it.

Be wary of what-if land and regret/reminiscing land.

That's where most of suffering lies.

Yes time to set some goals and achieve them.

 

[empath]

No, she moved to my city. That's when we got together. Long distance is something I will never do again (got horror stories)


My gf lives in my apartment.

I did go through a bit of a slump when it came sleeping with new girls, as I mentioned on the forum.

That's because having sex almost every day with a beautiful sexy girl isn't the best motivator to seek out other girls, at least not for me.

But business-wise, I was doing great. Almost doubled my income when we started making plans to travel.

Once I adjust a few things-like not having sex on the day I have a date or even planning to approach, the bedding-new-girls aspect got taken care of.

Not really sure.

I'm a newbie in that regard.

I think it depends on the girl.

Mine is pretty secure and doesn't care much about me fucking other girls.

She does care about me having on-going relationships with these girls, though, and asked me (very politely and respectfully)if I can keep it to one time fucks or maybe twice but not regularly. And also to always wear a condom, which I do (most of the time )

I granted her wish, as it bodes well with my goals. I'm notorious for taking a bunch of FWBs and getting lazy af. Good not to have that option.

At first, she inquired if I keep in touch with these girls after fucking them, like texting, calling or sending reels on IG.

I had to laugh out loud cuz I don't do that with even my closest friends. She was reassured and never asked again.

Occasionally when the drama hits, she bashes me for my shenanigans, even though it's not related to the issue we're having.

It's more like something she expresses than a deeper issue though. It dissapears as soon as the drama ends.

Of course, I would love zero drama but hey, that's women, at least the ones I seem to hang around.

As long as it's not excessive and doesn't disrupt my day-to-day, I'm view it as a part of the package kind of thing.

Thats great you were able to double your income man.

So it indees increased your productivity

I know this is your first time so you can't exactly say it in form of a process but still its something I am very keen on trying.

I am seeing 4 girls atm and none has forced me for exclusivity yet. (Sigh... one tried but I ended up telling a white lie while hinting I have been a player in past, don't want to take her rose tinted glasses, because I am her first... and it took some romantic style courtship... so I can't exactly say I was looking for a hook-up)

I am thinking I will let the girl bring me this question herself.

Like what are we or call me girl friend etc.

I will say I can't exactly cause you will be slightly disappinted (not using harsh words like heart break etc. to prime her not see it as a big deal or go into drama creating mode)

Then she will curious ask why?

Then I will ask her about her idea of relationship.

Tell her what I can do and mention that I like to sleep around casually.

If she is cool with it then yeah I am happy to be in a relationship.

I am curious how the conversation went with you and your girlfriend first time.

Also, did you tell her you are sleeping with girls because you want to be anywhere and anytime seducer?

Or just said I like variety etc. because she would have questioned that if she is not enough or what?

P.S.
I am curious so do you pull these girls to your apartment while she lives with you.

Like do you announce her, hey babe date night, expect someone? (But well you close mostly in public so Ig its taken care of )