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Drinking on dates

alexlaguma

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Interested on hearing thoughts from those who are alcohol free, and how they structure their dates to be successful without the use of alcohol.

Where I live drinking alcohol, particularly on dates, is very much part of the culture.

Through a mix of DG and online I've been going on a bunch of dates recently. 2-3 a week over the last couple month or so. And it has absolutely wiped me out, I feel completely drained. There is the mental strain of trying to keep so many plates spinning, but also the physical drain from the impact from alcohol.

I will say I'm not getting wiped out on these dates, I'm typically doing 2-3 glasses of wine. But it all adds up, and I'm feeling super tired, skipping on my gym work, slacking at work etc. And I have a few other priorities outside of women that I need to focus on in parallel. I don't really think I can keep this up with the volume of girls I'm trying to see.

So I guess my question is - has anyone managed to find a good formula for dating which doesn't involve alcohol? And if so, what is it?

I'm sure it is possible, but my reservations are -

1. Going for a drink on a date is so ingrained in the culture here, and some girls pretty much expect it
2. I'd say like 90%+ of the lays I've ever had have involved at least a little alcohol to get the mood going etc. I know this is a mental crutch, but even so, my brain kinda associates laying a glass of wine together with then pushing for the lay.

Thoughts from others?
 

nikolas

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You can always try alcohol-free pubs or local breweries. But Instead of going for a drink you can always choose something for fun and sportaneous if she's not into alcohol.

Visit an art gallery, go to a concert, let her accompany you to your everyday chores with a cup of warm chocolate, let her be your personal stylist when you pick up new shirts etc...

The bottom line of drinking alcohol on dates is that it tremendously helps with escalation and sets a very specific frame, which of course you cannot get with other methods. Imagine trying to escalate by drinking coffee on a Saturday morning.
 

Atlas IV

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I'm on the same page.

It's a bit of a slippery slope, because evening is the best time to meet a girl, and there's not much to do in the evening other than go to a bar, so it ends up being the default date activity. The last couple of months I was also dating a lot, therefore drinking a lot, and I definitely noticed it draining my productivity in other areas (not to mention the cost of it adds up).

One thing I started doing was mentioning to girls that I have a low tolerance to alcohol and I get drunk easily (a white lie), then I'll nurse the single drink for the time we're at that bar. I'll also order a glass of water so that I'm not just drinking straight. This definitely helps.

Still, we often end up drinking again when we get back to mine. It's just so easy to say "let's grab a bottle of (whatever) and listen to music at mine". I really want to cut this out, so I'm going to challenge myself to pull without mentioning alcohol - ice cream, kombucha, milk tea seem like good options.
 

Skills

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Interested on hearing thoughts from those who are alcohol free, and how they structure their dates to be successful without the use of alcohol.

Where I live drinking alcohol, particularly on dates, is very much part of the culture.

Through a mix of DG and online I've been going on a bunch of dates recently. 2-3 a week over the last couple month or so. And it has absolutely wiped me out, I feel completely drained. There is the mental strain of trying to keep so many plates spinning, but also the physical drain from the impact from alcohol.

I will say I'm not getting wiped out on these dates, I'm typically doing 2-3 glasses of wine. But it all adds up, and I'm feeling super tired, skipping on my gym work, slacking at work etc. And I have a few other priorities outside of women that I need to focus on in parallel. I don't really think I can keep this up with the volume of girls I'm trying to see.

So I guess my question is - has anyone managed to find a good formula for dating which doesn't involve alcohol? And if so, what is it?

I'm sure it is possible, but my reservations are -

1. Going for a drink on a date is so ingrained in the culture here, and some girls pretty much expect it
2. I'd say like 90%+ of the lays I've ever had have involved at least a little alcohol to get the mood going etc. I know this is a mental crutch, but even so, my brain kinda associates laying a glass of wine together with then pushing for the lay.

Thoughts from others?
you can go on dates normally and just get a non alcoholic drink, i done it in hundreds of dates.....
 

topcat

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you can go on dates normally and just get a non alcoholic drink, i done it in hundreds of dates.....
yeah this.

we live in the same city. i’ve pulled girls after going for green tea. they really don’t care. as long as you’re non chalant and confident with the ask it actually serves as a pattern interrupt and tips the dynamic in your favour.
 

Chase

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@alexlaguma,

Do your dates have to be at bars?

Personally I'm a big fan of café dates (I don't drink coffee, so it's a hot chocolate for me), ice cream parlor dates, parks, etc.

Bar dates I usually try to avoid unless the girl is only available late at night. Or if I can tell she's really itching to "go out."

With a good sexy vibe, touch, and sexual topics, you do not need alcohol to assist...

Plus IMO lays are more fun when the girl is sober.

No excuses, no "alcohol made me do it", no sloppiness, plus a lot of girls have that cute little bit of self-consciousness there about their bodies as you undress them that disappears a lot when they've been drinking (disinhibited).

Chase
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

Derek da man

Cro-Magnon Man
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, let her accompany you to your everyday chores
Similar to this on several occasions I've asked a girl to go clothes shopping with me with the excuse I'm not so go at choosing styles that suit me. I offer to shout them s coffee/tea/etc I'm return for their advice.

Then as we shop I make sure to take them through ladies wear and lingerie departments. I can then link sexy lingerie/outfits/stockingsetc into things I like and by judging her responses find out what she likes. I also bring up the idea of her modeling outfits for me. In effect this is an escalation and on both occasions I've used it we've gone home and spent the rest of the day. with her having fun.

If the dare isn't working out you can cut to coffee and move on fairly quickly.

just another idea.

Can't say it will always work but it's been good so far.
 

OldGuy

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By avoiding drinking, you avoid waking up next to a woman with a hangover!
 

KJ Francis

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I've mostly done cafes weekdays around 6pm or weekend afternoons.

Haven't done a ton of late night dates, but I've ordered herbal tea in cocktail lounges when the girl is having a drink. I've said I don't drink or I'm driving and it's no issue. It also keeps her to one drink.

At dive bars I've gotten a small order of fries and a diet coke. Seemed to take the focus off she has a drink and I don't. The vibe is slightly more like sharing an appetizer while still being frugal.

Another one I've liked lately is going to a sushi restaurant for tea. It's usually more dim and intimate than a cafe, and works later at night when some cafes are closed. Once she got tea and I got a tiny miso soup for a few bucks, and she poured me a cup.
 

alexlaguma

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Thank you gents ... some v good advice here :)

It's just so easy to say "let's grab a bottle of (whatever) and listen to music at mine".

Yeh bro like 90% of my lays have involved a variation of that sentence lol.

they really don’t care. as long as you’re non chalant and confident with the ask it actually serves as a pattern interrupt and tips the dynamic in your favour.

Yeh man, time for me to get over the mental crutch. I'm gunna try next week. Funnily enough last week I actually TRIED to meet a girl for a protein shake. When I got to the place, she was all like "ahh there's a really nice bar there actually, do you fancy getting a drink instead?" and I folded like a pack of cards lol. Should've stayed strong.

Plus IMO lays are more fun when the girl is sober.

No excuses, no "alcohol made me do it", no sloppiness, plus a lot of girls have that cute little bit of self-consciousness there about their bodies as you undress them that disappears a lot when they've been drinking (disinhibited).

Agree with all this. It's a lot better. I can imagine probably less regret on their side as well. I've had 2 girls over the last month disappear after a lay, and its not because I didn't perform. I imagine they just woke up with a hangover and thought "wtf did i do that for" ...
 

Water

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Interested on hearing thoughts from those who are alcohol free, and how they structure their dates to be successful without the use of alcohol.

Where I live drinking alcohol, particularly on dates, is very much part of the culture.

Through a mix of DG and online I've been going on a bunch of dates recently. 2-3 a week over the last couple month or so. And it has absolutely wiped me out, I feel completely drained. There is the mental strain of trying to keep so many plates spinning, but also the physical drain from the impact from alcohol.

I will say I'm not getting wiped out on these dates, I'm typically doing 2-3 glasses of wine. But it all adds up, and I'm feeling super tired, skipping on my gym work, slacking at work etc. And I have a few other priorities outside of women that I need to focus on in parallel. I don't really think I can keep this up with the volume of girls I'm trying to see.

So I guess my question is - has anyone managed to find a good formula for dating which doesn't involve alcohol? And if so, what is it?

I'm sure it is possible, but my reservations are -

1. Going for a drink on a date is so ingrained in the culture here, and some girls pretty much expect it
2. I'd say like 90%+ of the lays I've ever had have involved at least a little alcohol to get the mood going etc. I know this is a mental crutch, but even so, my brain kinda associates laying a glass of wine together with then pushing for the lay.

Thoughts from others?
I never drink. I also don’t take girls on dates that are related to alcohol. I think I’ve only done this once in my life, and I drank then. Try to avoid situations that make it weird for you not to drink if you want to avoid this.

That said, I‘ve personally found being sober makes me sharper, the reduced approach anxiety and fear of repercussions from drinking alcohol is outweighed by your diminished ability to read social cues and calibrate properly.

I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with drinking unless you are addicted or need it as a crutch to approach.
 

Skills

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If i am on an "encounter" i meet the girls in a coffee place(1 place), and then i bounce her to a cool bar the girl usually gets 1 drink (9 out of 10) i only had one girl(second bounce), getting more than 1 drink in a bunch of dates....

The girl is not going to get drunk, you just bounce her to isolation (park/beach/ isolation place) pre taking home (again usually one drink the rare 2 drink), i usually order diet coke.....

op i don't think you are structuring the date right maybe, it seems you stay at the bar in most of the date drinking (i don't do that)....

if she comes straight home i say what you want to drink and i just serve her drink.....

i don't understand atlas and op..... So you guys just keep ordering drinks in a same spot (that would kill your wallet).... Drinks make a lot of women horny, and losen up a few 2 out 10 unbearable(but that is with multiple drinks)/... again in a pre lay encounter max 2 drinks, so unlikely....
 

Water

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If i am on an "encounter" i meet the girls in a coffee place(1 place), and then i bounce her to a cool bar the girl usually gets 1 drink (9 out of 10) i only had one girl(second bounce), getting more than 1 drink in a bunch of dates....

The girl is not going to get drunk, you just bounce her to isolation (park/beach/ isolation place) pre taking home (again usually one drink the rare 2 drink), i usually order diet coke.....

op i don't think you are structuring the date right maybe, it seems you stay at the bar in most of the date drinking (i don't do that)....

if she comes straight home i say what you want to drink and i just serve her drink.....

i don't understand atlas and op..... So you guys just keep ordering drinks in a same spot (that would kill your wallet).... Drinks make a lot of women horny, and losen up a few 2 out 10 unbearable(but that is with multiple drinks)/... again in a pre lay encounter max 2 drinks, so unlikely....
Oh I forgot, I have alcohol in my room and most of my lays involved giving the girl one drink usually. Regardless of how little alcohol I have them, they started acting tipsy/drunk. I’ve thought about giving them non alcoholic drinks as an experiment. It’s for plausible deniability, they act more sexual and are more open to sexual experiences after sipping alcohol in my room. Some kind of complex I think? Cuz the amount they drink is not enough to feel even a buzz.
 

alexlaguma

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So you guys just keep ordering drinks in a same spot (that would kill your wallet)...

I usually do 2/3 drinks in a bar near mine, then say "do you fancy getting a bottle and going back to mine?". Most times they say yes.

You are right it is expensive but that's ok for me.

Its more the knock-on effect from the alcohol which is my issue. Kills productivity etc.

I'm gunna try switching things up next week. Will see how it goes.
 

Skills

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I usually do 2/3 drinks in a bar near mine, then say "do you fancy getting a bottle and going back to mine?". Most times they say yes.
Not good for health, pocket and unnecessary.... You guys with those cringy words lol, on usa we don't talk like that, you say lets fancy to a girl, you don't like topcat say reckon... But I know different dialects, anyways at point of extraction doesn't matter the excuse if she has been seduce.... But i have never ask for yes and no answer, i make statements... I don't want the night to end and i enjoy your company lets split a bottle of wine in my romantic balcony (even if you don't just play stupid once she is inside, and say i was just trying to be romantic i don't have a balcony) and have some drinks at your house..or i want you to meet my dog or cat, or i have to show you my amazing fill on the blank usually art, or lets go to the after party... Talk with statements...
You are right it is expensive but that's ok for me.

Its more the knock-on effect from the alcohol which is my issue. Kills productivity etc.
Yes and gets you fat
I'm gunna try switching things up next week. Will see how it goes.
Yes I will link later some stuff.. but have some drinks at home, though not needed...

 
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isildur1

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plenty of options as you live in london- There is a cafe chain called shot and they serve coffee, tea and drinks till 11pm located in knightsbridge, Marylebone and Mayfair


Personally i never drank on a single date post 2018 and i felt a lot better from doing it.






There are now more and more cafes opening up in london that are open late in the night so i think you should easily find yourself options

My favourite

Pan Pacific hotel liverpool street- Usually very quiet and have a wide selection of teas on their drinks menu (sounds kinda gay i know but for people who want to cut down on alcohol its good) its also got a lot of good sofa seating and very intimate away from the hustle and bustle of london

Dorchester hotel In Green Park- really nice, quiet and intimate place , again not crowded and lots of sofa seating - good for escalation. You can use this spot as a second location after a coffee shop like Shot London in Mayfair maybe?

Nobu hotel Marylebone- they do excellent non alcoholic cocktails in the downstairs bar with the sofas and you can bounce her quickly to the Churchill cigar bar

Maybe in the summer time do picnic dates - i usually like to buy food from whole foods High street kensington with girls then take them to the Kensington botanical gardens and have a picnic there.

Hafiz Mustafa Knightsbridge- they do decent teas

just some suggestions - all of them pretty low investment but interesting

All in all giving up alcohol made my sex life a lot better and increased my testosterone and reduced my sleep issues. It also meant i had more energy and will to approach during the day - the more mental energy you save the better volume youre able to date imo . Never had any women complain that i wasn't drinking and if they did it would probably be a big red flag anyhow
 

isildur1

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Interested on hearing thoughts from those who are alcohol free, and how they structure their dates to be successful without the use of alcohol.

Where I live drinking alcohol, particularly on dates, is very much part of the culture.

Through a mix of DG and online I've been going on a bunch of dates recently. 2-3 a week over the last couple month or so. And it has absolutely wiped me out, I feel completely drained. There is the mental strain of trying to keep so many plates spinning, but also the physical drain from the impact from alcohol.

I will say I'm not getting wiped out on these dates, I'm typically doing 2-3 glasses of wine. But it all adds up, and I'm feeling super tired, skipping on my gym work, slacking at work etc. And I have a few other priorities outside of women that I need to focus on in parallel. I don't really think I can keep this up with the volume of girls I'm trying to see.

So I guess my question is - has anyone managed to find a good formula for dating which doesn't involve alcohol? And if so, what is it?

I'm sure it is possible, but my reservations are -

1. Going for a drink on a date is so ingrained in the culture here, and some girls pretty much expect it
2. I'd say like 90%+ of the lays I've ever had have involved at least a little alcohol to get the mood going etc. I know this is a mental crutch, but even so, my brain kinda associates laying a glass of wine together with then pushing for the lay.

Thoughts from others?
You could also reframe it like "i got a business call with a client early tomorrow morning so i can only have tea unfortunately " maybe even reframe as a joke " you're not going to be taking advantage of me tonight sorry" this will induce some fear of loss and differentiate you from all the needy UK guys that want to f after 1 cocktail. Maybe even call it out at the beginning of the date " I know I'm being a boring amish man right now but wait till you see the wooden barn i built at my place" obviously dont copy this shitty line but something along those lines could help to ease up any awkwardness .

Tbh when i started daygame giving up alcohol made me focus on having better conversations with women and it brought the best out of me- i was heavily reliant on it at university and it turned me into a boring unproductive slob. Once i gave up i became more self aware about what i needed to do better on dates and tbh all the drinking at uni had turned me into a boring one dimensional individual , the less time you spend drinking the more mental energy you will have to make yourself more interesting and stand out anyway . Also like you i had associated alcohol with getting laid which wasnt healthy nor was it sustainable at all in the longrun if i was sober at a night club i needed to drink more to get the balls to approach and that simply wasn't going to cut it forever .

and doing daygame in london i was dating a lot of different cultures and ethnicities form Kazakstan to Indonesia to China - not drinking and being sober gave me more focus and self-awareness on conversation and building rapport as some women from these cultures required a different mode of seduction than UK women did. Drinking in the past caused me to lose focus and lose these opportunities .

Also alcohol was turning me into a dumbass, was ruining my sleep and productivity there was no way i could maintain the habit personally - things like daygame require mental fortitude and i think alcohol just drains it imo

If she makes a fuss of you not drinking you can reframe it in a playful way as i've said before "you're just trying to get me drunk " or "you think im that easy -sorry i won't let you take advantage of me" these sorta lines are great for the playful frame "women these days on the first date they just want one thing i swear"
 
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isildur1

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In terms of alcohol and dating the harms that alcohol can do are just not worth it imo and it definitely adds up for me



  • Turned me into a dumbass- if I’d spent my teen years reading more instead of drinking I could’ve built up a bit of solid smv and hooked girls better at uni
  • Made me reliant on alcohol to open- which was just not sustainable, for me it led to dependence for self confidence . By doing daygame I was able to free myself of the need to drink and stand my ground sober and take the rejection “face on” . During uni excessive drinking made the rejection a lot easier on the ego until I realised I just couldn’t approach without it. Not a sustainable habit and that’s the limitations of night game as a whole the older it gets the more toll it takes on your body and on the days after
  • Beer especially caused me a lot of gut problems- and I was necking 6-7 desperados a night at uni which is a hell of a lot of wheat this led me to get leaky gut which caused a lot of further health problems when I was young . Desperados are a slightly less feminine versions of wkd also packed full of sugar - so I was drinking about 6 coca colas worth of sugar on a night out which just is just hell for the pancreas
  • .alcohol lowered by testosterone and caused ED so even on the rare occasion I got lucky the alcohol itself would just cockblock me in the end. I really can’t have sex well when drunk- I also noticed alot more young people were taking Ed pills maybe this is due to porn addiction but I definitely think excessive alcohol also is part of the problem - a few of my mates started taking viagra at 24 which is young af. But even starting daygame at 26 I met a few wings in their mid 20s that were also suffered from ed too so I think porn/ alcohol combo really fucks things up for a lot of men’s sex drive
  • Beer also ups the oestrogen levels so really feminises men along with all the sugar and wheat
  • Also the mixers are usually packed with sugar which again can fatten men- I’m genetically really a scrawny guy but still sugar gives me a lot of brain fog and stomach cramps when consumed in excess
  • See my brother in his mid 40s now even 2-3 beers he seems to gain weight - the older you get the more it just hinders your smv
  • And in my female friends the ones who drink the most still seem to age the quickest - again even in moderation it causes deterioration in looks imo
And the more successful you become at dating and the more women you get the more you need to think about having sober dates - in my peak doing daygame in London I was having 5-8 dates a week - if I drank for each one of those it would’ve been a disaster and it would’ve probably decreased my motivation to find new leads and work harder plus daygame is mentally draining so sleep deprecation caused by alcohol just adds to the problem





And tbh London is becoming increasingly a better place for “sober” dating - for example I used to do a lot of daygame in Knightsbridge in 2018-2019 and there was only a cafe Nero and Pret there - now literally 6 new coffee shops have opened and they all shut really late from 10-11pm most other daygame cities you’d be hard pressed to find coffee places serving that late . Knightsbridge I’m general has a good selection seeing as it’s got a huge Middle Eastern influence they have “cooler “ alcohol free options now and since most Arabs prefer To drink coffee late they’re open 10-11pm





Shot London- open till 11pm as I mentioned before in Marlybone , green park and Knightsbridge

Saddle - does a great hot chocolate and open till 9pm

The landmark hotel- alot of women post this place on their instagram and it can be a decent place to actually do daygame as large groups of women tend to roam there between 9pm-11pm there’s several bars in the hotel which serve non alcoholic drinks till late and it’s a good place that women will love



The Dorchester - as I mentioned before this place has 5 bars inside one hotel and the interior will impress a lot of women



Pan pacific hotel - 3 bars inside one hotel again a relatively new place with a fantastic location with a huge selection of teas



If you’re dating a woman new to London most likely the majority of them will be impressed by these locations



In terms of being used to dating without alcohol for me I benefited a-lot from giving it up and had no intention to return to using it - anyway if a woman wants you she will want you whether she’s drunk or sober anyhow - the earlier you get used to sober dates the better it also makes the process less expensive and a lot less mentally draining . Plus as long as a venue looks good the majority of women won’t care about the lack of alcohol
 

isildur1

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Not good for health, pocket and unnecessary.... You guys with those cringy words lol, on usa we don't talk like that, you say lets fancy to a girl, you don't like topcat say reckon... But I know different dialects, anyways at point of extraction doesn't matter the excuse if she has been seduce.... But i have never ask for yes and no answer, i make statements... I don't want the night to end and i enjoy your company lets split a bottle of wine in my romantic balcony (even if you don't just play stupid once she is inside, and say i was just trying to be romantic i don't have a balcony) and have some drinks at your house..or i want you to meet my dog or cat, or i have to show you my amazing fill on the blank usually art, or lets go to the after party... Talk with statements...

Yes and gets you fat

Yes I will link later some stuff.. but have some drinks at home, though not needed...

My brother is in his mid 40s and even a couple of beers seems to impact his weight days after - older people get the more I see it impacting their health

Hangovers really started to crush me in my mid 20s too I just couldn’t continue doing it

I understand that different people have different tolerance levels - maybe due to my Middle Eastern genetics I’m not really “made to take in alcohol” but even one drink now and it f’s me up bad
 

isildur1

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I've mostly done cafes weekdays around 6pm or weekend afternoons.

Haven't done a ton of late night dates, but I've ordered herbal tea in cocktail lounges when the girl is having a drink. I've said I don't drink or I'm driving and it's no issue. It also keeps her to one drink.

At dive bars I've gotten a small order of fries and a diet coke. Seemed to take the focus off she has a drink and I don't. The vibe is slightly more like sharing an appetizer while still being frugal.

Another one I've liked lately is going to a sushi restaurant for tea. It's usually more dim and intimate than a cafe, and works later at night when some cafes are closed. Once she got tea and I got a tiny miso soup for a few bucks, and she poured me a cup.
Majority of women really don’t care and if they do care then that would be concerning - if the venue is nice and the conversation is good then there’s no issues

I usually take them to fancy cafes which usually serve some beautiful looking cakes


Qima Café and Pâtisserie in Fitzrovia London



https://g.co/kgs/FxXZo2T

they also serve beautiful looking non alcoholic drinks and the unique cakes / interior will most likely hook the woman’s interest ( seeing as op is London based)
 
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