Drugs: do you HAVE to use them in order to be attractive?

[Renegade]

Girls like bad boys. And bad boys do drugs.

However it's stupid that we are forced to ruin our health in order to attract a girl. And it is like this, I can't count how many times I've lost a girl because I was against alcohol, weed, and other drugs.

I love in an European country where especially weed is very popular with young people. It's so dumb, instead of tackling their problems, they just run away from them via drugs.

But it seems like I'll have to become an addict too because young, "wild" girls (my type) just don't even consider pure (read: scared of drugs) guys like me as an option.

So, do you suggest I become addicted? (my parents were hard drug addicts, homeless and abusive so there is some history)

Or can we embody some of the character traits of a cool drug user, without the danger of losing control by using drugs?

 

[ulrich]

No.

You just need to have a strong frame of why you don’t want to so drugs to respond to invitations and attempts to convince you.

As long as you can confidently express why you don’t do drugs, people will understand.
Either they understand or they are bad company anyways.

 

[James D]

I've never smoked a single cigarette, let alone do any drugs.

Used to drink but now completely sober.

Still get called a bad boy.

Ever heard Donald Trump say he doesn't drink or smoke? He makes anyone who does drink or smoke sound uncool in comparison.

Focus on becoming a really cool, charismatic guy and problems like these fade away.

 

[ChrisVirtue]

Lmao.

As @ulrich mentioned, you don't need to do drugs or drink alcohol, you just need a strong frame.

If you have a strong enough frame, the girl is likely to fall into your frame and stop drinking/doing drugs as well.

Can explain more if you'd like...

 

[Atlas IV]

"I used to drink a lot, but I came to realize that I'm more productive and happy without alcohol and drugs in my life. I don't judge people who do them, I get it. It's just not for me anymore."

Never had a girl disagree with this. Most important is that she knows that you do not judge her for her way of life. Rather than being dogmatic about it, instead it sounds like a journey you went through to come to your present, more enlightened position. She may even start to think differently as a result.

@Skills is the expert of sober/drug-free PUA here.

 

[JT Sunshine]

No you don't. You can have a bad boy edge with the way you dress and the way you carry yourself. Doing drugs will only impair your abilities. And doing them just because girls do is literally the opposite of being a "bad boy". If a party girl is attracted to you enough, and you don't judge her for her choices (if she wants to get high, that's her choice), she won't care that you don't. Hold your frame, be cool, keep gaming like the drugs don't even exist. Who cares. If that's a dealbreaker, her loss. There are girls everywhere. Weed is terrible for game too IMO.

If you go out enough you'll start to notice there are plenty of girls in nightgame venues ordering water. Makes for a good open. Easier pull if you can (legally) drive, and you'll save a ton of money on cabs/uber. I limit myself to two drinks a night and don't do any worse than back in my college days when I was a party animal. My two cents

 

[James D]

Rather than being dogmatic about it, instead it sounds like a journey you went through to come to your present, more enlightened position. She may even start to think differently as a result.

Beautifully put!

 

[Chad Tyrone]

Girls like bad boys. And bad boys do drugs.

You don't need drugs to be a bad boy

However it's stupid that we are forced to ruin our health in order to attract a girl. And it is like this, I can't count how many times I've lost a girl because I was against alcohol, weed, and other drugs.

lol who is forcing you?

You can have different opinions while still building an emotional connection with people

Something as simple as ''Others may find that cool but that's not for me" is all you need here.

Your nonverbals while saying this:raise your hands to your shoulders palms out (think of the picture in the article) ,then shake your head a bit in a chill calm way

But it seems like I'll have to become an addict too because young, "wild" girls (my type) just don't even consider pure (read: scared of drugs) guys like me as an option.

So, do you suggest I become addicted? (my parents were hard drug addicts, homeless and abusive so there is some history)

Or can we embody some of the character traits of a cool drug user, without the danger of losing control by using drugs?

Try being a lovable asshole

Chad Tyrone

 

[ulrich]

In all junkie social groups I’ve met, there’s always a guy who hangs around who doesn’t do drugs but is friends with the junkies.

I think deep down, most junkies recognize that what they do is unhealthy and respect a guy who just like to party without the drugs.

There is always the girl who will push you to consume but you can treat her as the uncalibrated one.
Most social circles will accept you if you are “the sobre one who loves party nonetheless”.

 

[Will_V]

Never done drugs and never had any problems because of it.

I would suggest though when turning this stuff down don't bother explaining why, just say something like "not my thing, I have other vices" <wink> and leave it at that. If someone tries to apply pressure I'd just say "I lost someone I love to drugs so .." or something of that sort. No one can argue with that.

Last thing you want is a debate about it and nobody who does drugs is going to change their point of view overnight just because some stranger they met doesn't do it. Just get drugs out of the frame altogether.

 

[Definitely_not_a_gymrat]

Girls like bad boys. And bad boys do drugs.

However it's stupid that we are forced to ruin our health in order to attract a girl. And it is like this, I can't count how many times I've lost a girl because I was against alcohol, weed, and other drugs.

I love in an European country where especially weed is very popular with young people. It's so dumb, instead of tackling their problems, they just run away from them via drugs.

But it seems like I'll have to become an addict too because young, "wild" girls (my type) just don't even consider pure (read: scared of drugs) guys like me as an option.

So, do you suggest I become addicted? (my parents were hard drug addicts, homeless and abusive so there is some history)

Or can we embody some of the character traits of a cool drug user, without the danger of losing control by using drugs?

I’m not someone who is advanced or maybe even an intermediate with girls, but I think I can provide input.

You do not need to do drugs to do well with girls, and probably shouldn’t use drugs because you think it makes you look cool.

The people on drugs that girls chase is because of their self confidence and IDGAF attitude, those traits you should replicate, they don’t care that the guy is actually on drugs.

Unless she’s a big druggie herself, but I would avoid those types of girls for obvious reasons.

 

[gameboy]

Lots of good points in this thread! I've never done hard drugs but did drink a lot of alcohol. Nowadays I just hang out with my alcohhol drinking buddies and drink water myself. Or 1-2 beers at most.

An interesting point that hasn't been mentioned so far is that you find yourself attracted to drug using girls, and your parents had a history of doing drugs also. There seems to be a connection there worth exploring...

We seem to seek out that which we are used to.

 

[Renegade]

As long as you can confidently express why you don’t do drugs, people will understand.

I'm not confident about not doing drugs though. In reality I would LOVE to try them. I'm just too scared. I don't like losing control.

The ability to let go of control like that feels like a privilege that only some people have.

Also the fact that the authorities - my caregivers, teachers, the government... don't approve of us doing drugs. And I'm very big on respecting authrotiy, no matter what they tell me. I wish I wasn't like this.

 

[Renegade]

Ever heard Donald Trump say he doesn't drink or smoke? He makes anyone who does drink or smoke sound uncool in comparison.

But I find drugs users cool. They embody the traits that I wish I had - no fear of losing control, not caring about what authorities think, being cool, etc.

The reason I'm trying to hang out with stoner girls is because I really want to be like them, i just don't have the courage.

 

[Renegade]

you don't need to do drugs or drink alcohol, you just need a strong frame.

I don't have a strong frame though. I'm not against drugsor alcohol. I mean, on the sruface I am, but in reality I resent the users because I wish I could be like them. Carefree, cool, living on the edge... you get it.

So my frame right now is "I wish I could smoke weed like you, please hang out with me so I can feel cool in your presence".

 

[Renegade]

Most important is that she knows that you do not judge her for her way of life.

I don't think I can do that. The fact is that alcohol and drugs are very short term solutions to problems that should be dealt with therapy. So many people tell me to go to therapy but then they drink their own problems away.

And it's not "live and let live", becuase drug users are a risk and a possible burden to society. My parents were drug addicts and because of that, we were homeless. Many drug addicts go on to become violent. Alcohol makes people unsafe too. I just can't be okay with this, not mentioning the fact tht drugs are cool and a vibe nowadays. It's terrible.

 

[Renegade]

there are plenty of girls in nightgame venues ordering water

I specifically want to attract and be with the girls that drink and do drugs. Because they embody some traits that I badly wish I had - the carefreeness, not respecting authority, not being afraid of losing control...

I really need that in my life, but I'm too scared and mentally unstable to do drugs myself. I just want to look cool and be accepted by this type of people, that's all.

 

[Renegade]

''Others may find that cool but that's not for me" is all you need here.

But I do find drugs incredibly cool. Just like many girls do. It's about the archetype that cool drug users embody. No fear of losing control, no fear of being judged by the elders, the carefreeness... THAT'S why girls are attracted to drug users.

And I'm attracted to these traits as well. But I'm the literal opposite of them. I need a ton of control over everything, I respect authorities way too much (to the point of not having my own opinion), and I care a lot about everything (you could say I'm one of those "woke" activists).

So I was thinkng that since I'm not attractive to the cool, edgy group.... I could try weed or something to finally fit in somewhere.

 

[Renegade]

Most social circles will accept you if you are “the sobre one who loves party nonetheless”.

I don't do drugs because I'm scared of losing control. That means that I also don't have the ability to let go and party. I'm the "debate group" type, the "woke activist" vibe.. but I wish I wasn't. I just don't know what to do to become the cool carefree party type - and I was thinking that weed or harder drugs could help me become more generally liked by society.

 

[Renegade]

"not my thing, I have other vices"

But I¨m not that chill about it. I really really want drugs to be my thing, I just can't get rid of the fear of losing control. So whenever I'm around drug users, even stoners, I resent them for doing the thing I'm scared of doing.

So I often attack them for it but deep down I wish I was like them - carefree, not fearing their parents or the law, not afraid of losing control....

Somy reality around them is "I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU, PLEASE ACCEPT ME", not "yeah cool whatever". So I was thinking that weed or other drugs could make me more like you, carefree and chill. Because right now I'm the opposite of that.