Drugs: do you HAVE to use them in order to be attractive?

[Adventurer]

and ideal state of being is to not have any frame at all.

If you don't have a frame at all, others will impose their own frame on you and do whatever they want. Not sure you want that

And we're trying to improve the world here

No, we're trying to get laid

 

[Skills]

What is so bad about being judgemental though? I'm very judgemental because I believe that there are good and bad ways to live life. And we're trying to improve the world here, so if I see someone doing something that's objectively wrong, it should be normal to judge or even report them.



I hate this advice. Why? I've done well over 3000 approaches now and I'm still extremely unconfident and not free at all. I've done everything, single approaches, groups, families, girls with boyfriends, singing in the subway, dancing on the street..

And I'm still anxious AF. So honestly I can tell you that it doesn't work.


Also about the drugs thing, weed is a lot like alcohol here in Europe. So if you decline weed for example, you will never become a part of the inner circle. The bravery of trying is your "ticket" to the inner circles and best parties. I'd have to compensate with personality A LOT, while stoners just exist and get invited everywhere with no effort.

I see... Autism, i don't engage autist, don't have the patience... Good luck to you...

 

[Renegade]

I see... Autism, i don't engage autist, don't have the patience... Good luck to you...

I'm not sure if you're attacking me, but no, I was tested for autism and don't have it. I'm thinking you don't have good intentions because you of course can't diagnose me based on a few texts.

Maybe I touched upon some uncomfortable truth that made you make fun of me? Was it about being judgemental? Or me not making progress after 3000 approaches?

I'd genuinely like to know which part sounds autistic, so that I can at least work on that. Because I might sound autistic sometimes, but idk when.

 

[Renegade]

If you don't have a frame at all, others will impose their own frame on you and do whatever they want. Not sure you want that

Well since my ultimate goal is to finally fit in somewhere and find acceptance and love, its smarter for me not to have a frame and to adopt other's frames.

I'm not the driving force behind my life. I'm the one at mercy of others unfortunately. Since I need their love (a basic human need). So I can't afford to have my own frames - since I can't afford to be rejected or disliked.

Hope that makes sense. I have nothing to offer in life so I can't "make waves" by thinking I matter enough to have my own frames. Noone would care anyway.

 

[Skills]

ok i will assume you are not an autist:

What is so bad about being judgemental though? I'm very judgemental because I believe that there are good and bad ways to live life. And we're trying to improve the world here, so if I see someone doing something that's objectively wrong, it should be normal to judge or even report them.

Because being judgmental is not conductive to seducing the women, and may cause auto rejection....Everyone is judgmental, during the seduction is not conductive to dick in pussy but more to auto rejection.... Everyone farts there is nothing wrong with farting but farting when you just meet a women will cause her to leave...

I hate this advice. Why? I've done well over 3000 approaches now and I'm still extremely unconfident and not free at all. I've done everything, single approaches, groups, families, girls with boyfriends, singing in the subway, dancing on the street..

The goal of approaches is to kill approach anxiety, but it never totally goes away a million %, but if you are still anxious means you are not successful, the goal of the aa drills is to get little small wins for example asking the time, to the point were it gets more comfortable, but after certain amount of approaches there is not need to mass approach..... it seems it did not work for you, then try the tre stuff, it seem it has helped some guys....

Stages of Approach Abilities

Stages of Approach Abilities This is a draft. I want this to be a helpful article over time, please contribute. This article draws on information from Levine and Berceli, and makes assumptions that they’re right. I’m looking for more clearly defined stages and overall correctness. I hope this...

www.skilledseducer.com

and

Body-oriented therapy and its application to PU

This post will deal with various therapies that go further than cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). You actually don't need to understand very much of the theory here to do the exercises, but I do provide a lot of theory as there are guys who are interested in a deeper understanding. I have...

www.skilledseducer.com

And I'm still anxious AF. So honestly I can tell you that it doesn't work. FOR ME

Fixed that for you.... But your opinion, no offense don't matter much or at all as of now...

Also about the drugs thing, weed is a lot like alcohol here in Europe. So if you decline weed for example, you will never become a part of the inner circle. The bravery of trying is your "ticket" to the inner circles and best parties. I'd have to compensate with personality A LOT, while stoners just exist and get invited everywhere with no effort.

I don't know about this, i am not in France sounds like cope to me.... @Teevster is french, maybe he can jump in to confirm your claim...I never heard him say this in 15 years of me reading his postings... He is Alek Rostland on girl chase... Again he is in France...

 

[Kvothe]

This thread is imbecilic (minus the useful stuff from the people actually trying to give actionable advice)

 

[MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla]

Girls like bad boys. And bad boys do drugs.

However it's stupid that we are forced to ruin our health in order to attract a girl. And it is like this, I can't count how many times I've lost a girl because I was against alcohol, weed, and other drugs.

I love in an European country where especially weed is very popular with young people. It's so dumb, instead of tackling their problems, they just run away from them via drugs.

But it seems like I'll have to become an addict too because young, "wild" girls (my type) just don't even consider pure (read: scared of drugs) guys like me as an option.

So, do you suggest I become addicted? (my parents were hard drug addicts, homeless and abusive so there is some history)

Or can we embody some of the character traits of a cool drug user, without the danger of losing control by using drugs?

Women like dealers and if you don’t get high on your own supply. Weeds legal in my area tho isn’t as popular as it once was.

 

[Renegade]

This thread is imbecilic (minus the useful stuff from the people actually trying to give actionable advice)

Would the advice be posted if I hadn't asked my questions?

What is imbecillic about asking questions, even if they might seem basic to you? Isn't that how we learn?

 

[Teevster]

I don't know about this, i am not in France sounds like cope to me.... @Teevster is french, maybe he can jump in to confirm your claim...I never heard him say this in 15 years of me reading his postings... He is Alek Rostland on girl chase... Again he is in France...

Weed is very common in france like all of europe, but it is not like everybody does it, nor is it seen as social status. In fact it is seen more are "acceptable" more than coo. Nobody gives a shit about whether you smoke it or not, just like nobody cares whether or not you drink. Actually, wrong, not drinking as in, enjoying wine with friends may be awkward in France - but that's because wine is France's pride and it is not with the intend of getting drunk.

But France has a problem, especially Paris. Drug consumption is really up the roof, especially with the new 3mmc trend that took over in 2019 ish.

But yeah, OP is wrong. Not smoking pot? Nobody cares.


-Teevster

 

[Adventurer]

Well since my ultimate goal is to finally fit in somewhere and find acceptance and love, its smarter for me not to have a frame and to adopt other's frames.

I'm not the driving force behind my life. I'm the one at mercy of others unfortunately. Since I need their love (a basic human need). So I can't afford to have my own frames - since I can't afford to be rejected or disliked.

Hope that makes sense. I have nothing to offer in life so I can't "make waves" by thinking I matter enough to have my own frames. Noone would care anyway.

Please read "No more mr nice guy" by Robert Glover. You did a lot of approaches so that's cool, not everyone gets that far. But your inner game is horrible, you need to get rid of this nice guy mentality.

And also to stop making your identity about your trauma and victim status. Yes you can be a victim, but it's not your identity. It's the difference between "I'm a victim, please give me stuff out of pity" and "I'm a strong man who can do X and Y (depending on your skills) but shit happened and it held me back for a while". Not a substitute for therapy but it will help a lot and it's very easy to do

 

[Renegade]

Weed is very common in france like all of europe, but it is not like everybody does it, nor is it seen as social status. In fact it is seen more are "acceptable" more than coo. Nobody gives a shit about whether you smoke it or not, just like nobody cares whether or not you drink. Actually, wrong, not drinking as in, enjoying wine with friends may be awkward in France - but that's because wine is France's pride and it is not with the intend of getting drunk.

But France has a problem, especially Paris. Drug consumption is really up the roof, especially with the new 3mmc trend that took over in 2019 ish.

But yeah, OP is wrong. Not smoking pot? Nobody cares.


-Teevster

Sorry but I'm not in France so it might be different there. I'm in eastern Europe and weed IS seen as a status symbol here. Young people will look at you weird if you don't smoke it. The line about "OP is wrong" was unnecessary.

It seems like noone respects me here, which is horrible because I've done nothing to deserve such treatment.

 

[Renegade]

And also to stop making your identity about your trauma and victim status. Yes you can be a victim, but it's not your identity. It's the difference between "I'm a victim, please give me stuff out of pity" and "I'm a strong man who can do X and Y (depending on your skills) but shit happened and it held me back for a while".

It's not my whole identity. Also it's not my decision to make it such a big part of my daily life. You'd have to read up on how Complex trauma works if you really want to understand.

But basically the thing that keeps it an active problem for the victims (I almost feel afraid to use this word here, what a stupid expectation to always seem strong) are called triggers. Things or behaviors that remind you of the trauma and stifle you.

For me, being liked is a trigger. So I always make sure to not be liked. That keeps me safe and in control.

Of course, knowing this does nothing to change the emotional source and get rid of the trigger. That takes years of therapy and I'm on it.

So yes, I am probably a strong man and I am NOT willing my trauma to define me. That's what my while life is about man! But I'm not gonna brag about this facf here. I'm here to learn and not to look cool, how strong I am. The same in life.

Bragging is stupid, it's smarter to be vulnerable.

 

[Atlas IV]

For me, being liked is a trigger. So I always make sure to not be liked. That keeps me safe and in control.

Jesus man, this is fucked up. I don't think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with anyone, let alone women, if being liked is a trigger.

You need help that's way beyond the scope of this forum...

 

[Renegade]

Jesus man, this is fucked up. I don't think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with anyone, let alone women, if being liked is a trigger.

You need help that's way beyond the scope of this forum...

I know, but was there a reason for you to write that I need specialised help, when you well know that I go to therapy? (I wrote it several times)

It's not that uncommon of a problem also. Know how girls stop being attracted when you show too much interest? Guess what that is?

It comes from being unloved by your parents. So you internalise that not being liked is what you deserve. Tons of people have this problem, they just don't realise it and cope in different ways (by becoming successful, charismatic, jacked...).

If you're interested in this (becaues knowing this helps in seduction a lot) you can look up videos and shorts with Gabor Mate. He explains it very well.

 

[Adventurer]

It comes from being unloved by your parents. So you internalise that not being liked is what you deserve. Tons of people have this problem, they just don't realise it and cope in different ways (by becoming successful, charismatic, jacked...).

That's not it. It's because showing too much undeserved interest makes you look like an insincere simp, who are a dime a dozen

I agree with Atlas that no one here can help you. You've been exposing your trauma to everyone, but didn't accept any advice on things that are actionable. At the same time you think you're on some kind of moral high ground to judge others?? This is a seduction forum, not a pity party

 

[Renegade]

That's not it. It's because showing too much undeserved interest makes you look like an insincere simp, who are a dime a dozen

I was talking about the girls where is actually does come from family trauma. And there are many. There are very few people with healthy secure attachments in our society.

I agree with Atlas that no one here can help you. You've been exposing your trauma to everyone, but didn't accept any advice on things that are actionable. At the same time you think you're on some kind of moral high ground to judge others?? This is a seduction forum, not a pity party

I mean, I have yet to be given advice that I haven't tried yet, or that would work in my case.

What I got instead is invalidation ("your tale about weed being cool in Europe is wrong") and passive insults ("you need help man").

And "Exposing trauma"... why would I hide it? We all have some traumas in here and it's crucial to discuss them, because the true way to become attractive in a healthy way is to heal these deep wounds (instead of, say, over-compensating).

I've seen way too many seducers from these places to know that there are better ways to do this. And I'm not there yet either, but when I see advice that doesn't align with the correct healthy path, I gotta call it out.

Aren't we all here to learn from each other? Isn't it a good thing when someone criticises your advice, because it allows you to help them better?

 

[Teevster]

Sorry but I'm not in France so it might be different there. I'm in eastern Europe and weed IS seen as a status symbol here. Young people will look at you weird if you don't smoke it. The line about "OP is wrong" was unnecessary.

It seems like noone respects me here, which is horrible because I've done nothing to deserve such treatment.

Weed is common and accepted throughout Europe. But just like when I was a teenager, drinking was seen as cool. Now weed is the new booze it seems like.

Even back then when I was an active PUA as a teenager, I had periods where I would stop drinking.

I got drunk for the first time at an early age, but eventually, after 6 months after discovering pick up ("the community") back in 2007, I caught a nasty kidney infection which meant no drinking for like 6 months. At first, I though: no more parties, because drinking was the norm back at parties (when i was 15). Eventually I decided fuck it, and went partying drinking only sprite, ut at least I had an excuse in case someone asked. Nobody really asked why I was not drinking. Eventually someone did. And I told them why and it was the end of it.

Eventually I got used to meet women fully sober, and eventually I could technically (but not legally) drink again, but was so used to pick up sober. So I kept doing it and guess what few people asked, and few people cared. Everybody drank, but nobody reall gave a shit. Eventually my excuse was "I do not like the effects of it" and people respected that.

I kept doing pick up sober for years! and they represent some of my most successful ones - with only occasionally only having a beer or two for the taste of it. Never had more success.

I would even go to club and not drink and honestly sober game is superior game.

I drink in clubs now, but mostly because I enjoy drinking a bit. But gamewise it sucks. In facts, sometimes when I feel like "oh I need to deliver A-game tonight, I will go sober". I am just too lazy to go full "warrior sober A-game" style nowadays. But that's a different discussion althogether.

Pick up on weed, at least to me is shit. I tried a few times and always sucked. Eventually I did it once with success but it mostly despite of rather than because of weed - and this was in 2023 - basically ater having been into pick up for over 15 years.

Smoking weed can be fun and and relaxing and I am not against it, although I never really loved the buzz it gave. But as a good idea for pick up? The answer is categorical: hell no.

I have picked up chicks in eastern europe, and I know weed is particularily populare in central eastern europe like Poland, Czech republic and Slovakia (I love Bratislava). Been there quite often and never felt forced to smoke ganja. Seen weed at afterparties and I have pulled girls who wanted to roll one. Never been a problem when I declined smoking some.

Falling for peer-preesure, may be a dumb way into social acceptance, but never been the way to the lay. At best you will be accepted as a follower. Followers are not the winners in the mating game, irrelevant of whether you live in eastern europe or on Greenland.

It seems like noone respects me here, which is horrible because I've done nothing to deserve such treatment.

If you are looking to get sugarcoated, then this is not the place for it. The social world is cruel (but if you become socially savy and gain confidence, and understand the social game, it becomes an eldorado!). If you cannot handle the cold but down to earth treatment you get here, you will eventually get toasted in the real world. If you feel like a victim, you will eventually act like victim, and you will eventually become one.

To be deadly clear: nobody here dislikes you, nobody here has any issue with you. People here want to help you and pull you out of that shitty spiral you are obviously in. Whether it proves succesful or not, remains to be seen, but let us be clear that the intent is not negative here. Many of us know you are struggling, but our role is to give you advice on the social. To make you feel better, that's your therapists job. There is a place and time for everything. Do you behave like this to your plumber when he tells you some bad news that you have a leak and need to fix X and Y? No you likely won't and if you say "don't tell me this - as you know I have traumas and I go to therapy" he will roll his eyes. It is not his job to care - his job is to diagnose your plumbing issues, tell you whats wrong with the most accuracy and tell you what to do - and eventually fix the problem. That's what a good plumber is, and that's what you use him for and expect of him.

Most of us here have better things to do then disrespected you or hating on you, just for the sake of malice. We spend moments of our busy lives to response to you, and we do it because we want to help. Remember that please.

-Teevster

 

[KJ Francis]

If you are looking to get sugarcoated, then this is not the place for it.

Lol this is the "sexual gambits don't work" guy that Chase told to go to reddit for free "therapy" and validation. I would like to learn his skill of not only causing another Teevster sighting, but also luring Karea out of hiding. Impressive.

I will echo that weed is horrible for game - a definite handicap. It can also cause sperm motility and morphology issues. The morphology was tested with THC vapor on mice. So it's not just from joint smoke like some pot studies are. I can't give tips on the peer pressure since I liked it since being a young teen, even when alone. But when you don't even have an interest in the effects, letting peer pressure lead you around toward slow, misshapen sperm for external approval is a clear example of weakness, and very unattractive. It may backfire.

Related to Karea's point on risk being an evolutionary costly display (like peacocking), maybe you can find other ways to tap into it and achieve the "bad boy" image you are after. That is the real goal your potential pot use is in service of, right? So if it is attractive to have the frame "I will pursue this pleasure seeking, naughty activity, regardless of authority", perhaps you can achieve the same through covert, irreverent sexual intent.

 

[WierdDough]

Its simple really, this has nothing to do with drugs. You are one needy little guy. Cut that out. As long as you are needy, you wont get laid. This care you have about things comes from needyness. Trying too much to adapt, accomodating others too much, seeking their approval or simply wanting their attention all stems from a place of need.

Start there.

 

[Teevster]

Its simple really, this has nothing to do with drugs. You are one needy little guy. Cut that out. As long as you are needy, you wont get laid. This care you have about things comes from needyness. Trying too much to adapt, accomodating others too much, seeking their approval or simply wanting their attention all stems from a place of need.

Start there.

Straight to the point.

-Teevster