ElderPrice: From 30 y/o virgin to ?

[ElderPrice]

This sounds nice in theory, but is easier said than done. We all know the limitations of social circle game. If you're a Hollywood star, sure, women will approach you. But 99% of guys must go out, approach and make the first move to get the best quality mates.

I do agree that having an interesting life, pursuits, passions and long-term goals is very important, but I realized I could still work cold approach into my schedule. I can go out 4 times a week, 1 hour each session to do 8-10 sets. Pickup is one of the skills in my portfolio. Therefore, it feels congruent for me to game. After all, pickup is the manifestation of going after what I want.

Everything seduction is easier said than done, and every style of game has pros and cons. Consider also that I chose my words carefully... I didn't necessarily say that I'm fully switching to social circle game. I used some social circle examples, yes, but I didn't mean that as I'm fully switching.

My point was this: If you're an "unattractive" man that can't even get hooks from young hot girls when you go out and cold approach, you're just wasting your time by continuing to try. Instead, make a change that makes you look "better." For instance, rather than cold approaching by yourself, do it after people have seen you having a good time with your good looking friends. It's just creating a situation that gives you a boost. Now when you do a cold approach, you're not some random stranger that can only be quickly assessed by your physical appearance. Instead you're that cool guy they already saw who has cool friends.

This is even something you can do exclusively cold approaching. I think there's a term for it... Basically you befriend some meh girls when you first get to a venue, then you use them to open hotter girls. You create the illusion you have female friends, even though you went to the venue along and you just met these girls...

Regarding your last point - I wouldn't tell anyone there's only one correct way to game. It's just too nuanced with an infinite number of variables. One key word I used in my post is "desperate." If a guy is cold approaching without ANY desperation, and is getting results he's happy with, then that's good! There's nothing to change.

I would say in general it's probably best for a man to eventually get to a point where more opportunities are presenting themselves to him, rather than him having to perpetually chase for opportunities. But I think this has to do with passions, pursuits, and purpose, and isn't a game style.

Basically what I mean is, if a man really pursues his passion/purpose hard, then eventually that's going to open new situations to him... like maybe he's going to speak at many conferences, or become a leader in an industry, or get interviewed a lot by the press... He will have so many new opportunities like this to meet new men and women, that he will no longer have to, or be able to, schedule two hours a week to chase pussy at the mall.

 

[HammerEditor]

Everything seduction is easier said than done, and every style of game has pros and cons. Consider also that I chose my words carefully... I didn't necessarily say that I'm fully switching to social circle game. I used some social circle examples, yes, but I didn't mean that as I'm fully switching.

Of course pickup is easier said than done. The flashy YouTube videos are a mirage. I respect you for having gone out hundreds of times and probably doing thousands of sets. I haven't even reached 100.

I agree that there's nothing wrong with focusing your effort on the low-hanging fruit. For example, I looked at my stats and saw that walking sets were a waste of time (at least in my situation/my current level). I was getting the same quantity of phone #'s out of 5 seated sets vs. 10 walking sets. So I'm better off doing 2 seated sets in a session than 5 walking, since I can find plenty of attractive women seated alone at the college cafeterias.

I would say in general it's probably best for a man to eventually get to a point where more opportunities are presenting themselves to him, rather than him having to perpetually chase for opportunities. But I think this has to do with passions, pursuits, and purpose, and isn't a game style.

Basically what I mean is, if a man really pursues his passion/purpose hard, then eventually that's going to open new situations to him... like maybe he's going to speak at many conferences, or become a leader in an industry, or get interviewed a lot by the press... He will have so many new opportunities like this to meet new men and women, that he will no longer have to, or be able to, schedule two hours a week to chase pussy at the mall.

Yeah, burnout is a problem, and the rate of learning goes down when you spam approach. Diminishing returns. Because of that and other reasons (interfering with my job, not wanting to burn out the venues) I now do 10 approaches/week BUT I put effort into making them quality. Sarging for hours doesn't appeal to me.

Yes, it's possible to build a feedback loop of women over time. That is more ideal than cold approaching. The whole entrepreneur thing is a great example. But guess what, if one can learn to get dates out of total STRANGERS on the street, social circle game is... shooting fish in a barrel. This is where I see myself in 2 years: low-effort, highly efficient seduction.

 

[ElderPrice]

One cannot rely on achievements and successes alone to get women (especially for short term relationships), but instead must cultivate an incredibly strong and resilient core frame - the kind that says 'put me in any situation and I'll come out on top, one way or the other'. The way I see it, that's the only frame that women respond to instinctively and without specific criteria, which gives you the best chance of pulling off a seduction from any position in life, with a woman at any other level of 'value'.

Agreed. So the key question is how to develop this core confidence or frame. In the context of my post, my advice would be, if you've cold approached thousands of times and your confidence is unchanged, that signals you have things to work on. Things that satisfy your soul. Things that live up to your standards. For example, are your friendships really that strong and rewarding, or can they be better? Do you really have a passion or purpose that you strive toward each day and that you are making progress on (something that has NOTHING to do with women), or are you just working 9-5 repeating the same shit everyday with no forward progress? If you don't have these things going on, then what's happening IMO is on the inside you KNOW you're dropping the ball. You're letting yourself down. You do all these things to become a high value man, but then you have weak friendships and no purpose in life. No wonder you generally have low confidence and self esteem!

Food for thought: I heard an interesting take recently: The confidence you seek is actually already inside you. It isn't something that needs to be 'built.' Instead, over time you allowed barriers to be built that hold back your confidence. So the name of the game is finding those mental barriers and tearing them down. Example: Most people are different people when they load up a video game and put the headset on. When socializing in-person, they are shy and insecure, but when playing a video game they are loud, shit-talking, and comfortable. Interesting what that tells you...

 

[ElderPrice]

3/4

I've uncovered that a big source of my baseline negativity/low self esteem/low self worth - whatever you want to call it - is simply feeling ashamed.

I generally feel ashamed of my past - how much time was wasted and how little I have to show for my life so far.

Fortunately, I think this is something easy to fix, because the truth is that my past is nowhere near 100% bad. There's a lot in my past that were rational decisions that I can do better to own. Plus I currently have many positive traits. So I have everything I need to fix automatically feeling ashamed of my past. Basically, I need to work out the muscles of taking better ownership of my decisions.

@Chase has two articles about this that I've been working through. They are amazing and I highly recommend them. One of them is brand new:

Tactics Tuesdays: Spin Your Flaws Into Byronic Flaws​

How to Answer "Why Don’t You…?" Questions from Women​

So yeah, that's what I've been up to. That and continuing to work on my career and purpose.

 

[Conquistador]

This old post is timeless!!

About girls chasing, that will come later. At the beginning you HAVE to be the one opening and pursuing. So don't worry about it for now.

I learned that the hard way. It didn't help that I did get one or two girls chase me, out of pure fundamentals, last semester.

From my own experience, women have a very good sixth sense to smell what is your overall experience with opposite sex.

This is generally true, although in my experience girls under 23 or so can't always tell these days.
I do think my experiences with "sexual kung fu" have helped with this, but older girls can still tell that I'm not used to interacting with tough cookies like them.

Your logistics. You need to be clear where it is going to happen. It is for you to figure out. But you must have your logistics handled.

Making her comfortable. Remember she came on a date with you, means she already likes you. To get sexual with you she needs to be emotionally and physically comfortable with you. Connect with her, make an emotional bond, for instance by making her talk. Establish physical contact with her very early.

Ignore the mixed signs. Stars will never align perfectly. And you will face some resistance - just be ready to handle objections.

So now your question about masculine energy. No need to become a caveman. If you just keep pursuing a sexual objective on date one, you will automatically have the masculine aggressiveness that will get you there. Getting to sex fast IS masculine energy. It will be well received, believe me. It is in fact, sort of expected from you. So just do it. You don't have to do much more than that.

This post was and will be EXTREMELY useful to me

 

[Beam]

3/4

I've uncovered that a big source of my baseline negativity/low self esteem/low self worth - whatever you want to call it - is simply feeling ashamed.

I generally feel ashamed of my past - how much time was wasted and how little I have to show for my life so far.

Fortunately, I think this is something easy to fix, because the truth is that my past is nowhere near 100% bad. There's a lot in my past that were rational decisions that I can do better to own. Plus I currently have many positive traits. So I have everything I need to fix automatically feeling ashamed of my past. Basically, I need to work out the muscles of taking better ownership of my decisions.

@Chase has two articles about this that I've been working through. They are amazing and I highly recommend them. One of them is brand new:

Tactics Tuesdays: Spin Your Flaws Into Byronic Flaws​

How to Answer "Why Don’t You…?" Questions from Women​

So yeah, that's what I've been up to. That and continuing to work on my career and purpose.

Good to see you still here Elder. I've been feeling similar lately. Great articles.

 

[ElderPrice]

Good to see you still here Elder. I've been feeling similar lately. Great articles.

I think the key is to remember that nobody is perfect. Everyone has some flaws. So it’s important to realize they’ll be exposed eventually, thus you have no reason not to prepare the best explanations possible, such as by using the formulas in those articles.

 

[ShioriGC]

Hey bro, still reading through the whole topic, but did you end of losing your virginity?

 

[Beam]

Hey bro, still reading through the whole topic, but did you end of losing your virginity?

He did, and has had a couple more since then IIRC

 

[ShioriGC]

what a G, glad to see it turned out well

 

[ElderPrice]

what a G, glad to see it turned out well

Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate it.

A case can be made I am still a virgin (persistent erectile issues…) but a strong case can be made I am not. We discussed it in the journal at one point and the consensus was I am not.

I think I’ve pulled 15 or so into bed.

 

[ElderPrice]

5/3

Continuing to introspect and work out the problematic knots in my mind, I've identified a major fundamental issue.

Practically speaking, I have no core values. I have no strong, confident, instant answer to "So who are you?" or "What are you all about?"

What made this so challenging to discover is that, at the same time, I do have answers to these questions. I can come up with pretty legit, honest answers and tell them to you...

But I don't feel those answers. They don't reflect my current core essence or being. My core being is simply void of this kind of intrinsic, personal meaning. I think of it as a lack of soul. Or a lack of passion that gives energy to these answers.

So I've been working on dialing up the energy and really cementing my values inside of me. It's kind of like I'm energizing and giving life to my soul. Kind of like Iron Man building and powering up his arc reactor for the first time.

With this in place, I'll now have my core purpose, so that I can live more on my own terms, rather than excessively going with the flow of the world I live in. This will help be my core foundation for all social interactions, and my goals and personal mission for each day.

Kinda hard to describe but I hope that makes sense.

 

[ElderPrice]

6/14

I feel like I've said this 10,000 times: I think I've gotten even closer to the mental knot holding me back.

I saw an interesting video the other day where the speaker said something like 'pretty much every anxiety-related issue can be traced back to believing you're not good enough.'

I thought this was awfully interesting.

On a separate track, I've also been zeroing in 'not good enough' with my therapist. So lately I've been meditating on this a lot, and I think it might be right.

I think it's also revealing observing how my mind reacts to corrective exercises to 'not good enough': The resistance is intense and the rigid grip to the 'not good enough' belief is so strong - almost as if it's been a strong belief for 20-30 years... I'm taking this to mean I'm looking in the right direction!

We'll see where it goes.

 

[ElderPrice]

7/22

Re-reading my last entry, I think my only core update is this: I don't think the issue is a single 'mental knot.' I think it's just a host of negative core beliefs. Perhaps the beliefs can all be characterized in some way as 'not good enough.'

So since the last post, that's what I've been working on. Identifying all the negative beliefs, whether they are universal beliefs that I seem to hold all the time, or ones that only pop up in certain situations. By bringing awareness to the beliefs, I then have been working to positively reframe them and/or practice radical acceptance where I identify strengths inherent in any weaknesses.

In essence, it's becoming more apparent that I've been operating with negative core beliefs all my life and it explains why my results in so many areas of life have been so unsatisfactory.

It'll take some time to fix the wiring, but it's a major milestone to finally shine light on these negative beliefs and thoroughly dissect them.

 

[Spyce D]

I saw an interesting video the other day where the speaker said something like 'pretty much every anxiety-related issue can be traced back to believing you're not good enough.'

Interesting that even I found something similar as the root cause of my anxiety and panic .

Stuff like

I am not man enough .

essence, it's becoming more apparent that I've been operating with negative core beliefs all my life and it explains why my results in so many areas of life have been so unsatisfactory

This even happened with me .

My negative core beliefs were due to my past experiences and my lifestyle choices .

I am using small doses of consistent action to rewire myself .