- Joined
- Jun 11, 2018
- Messages
- 568
@Will_V -
I've read your comments several times now. I can't decide if I disagree with your position, or if I agree, and we're just talking past each other.
Let me try to re-describe what I'm working on/my position, without using the term "belief."
What I think is happening:
As a child, I grew up in an environment essentially void of positivity. It's wasn't a very negative environment - just a little on the negative side. Part of the negativity I saw was jealousy in others. This idea that others had some quality to them that made them demonstrably superior to others. And that me and my circumstances lacked that quality.
This set the stage for developing a habit where I sought external validation. 'Hopefully people will like me despite not having these cool qualities.' Seeking external validation, plus not building any of my own, internally. Because my circumstances were void of positivity, I simply didn't practice things like gratitude, or thinking about the many positive traits I already possessed.
This continued through adolescence and early adulthood unbeknownst to me. Unfortunately, this led to social interactions only reinforcing this subconscious viewpoint of how the world works (referring to others having certain qualities and me not having them). Thus, strengthening the mental habit.
Fast forward to today when I finally figured out that my mind has been wired like this for all this time.
Because this viewpoint is such a strong habit, I'm not some light reading away from correcting it. I've read all the subject matter, I understand exactly what's going on.... but it's a strong habit, so it's still there. It still does its thing in social settings. It's a negativity still there pulling me down. I can mask it as best I can, but it still comes through in my vibe. It still sabotages my social interactions, especially with women.
But because of how much I've studied this issue, I know exactly what to do. I know what cue to give myself, as if I'm a therapist recommending an exercise to a patient. And because I've done the reading, and understand this issue so well, there's no more material I need to convince me not to seek external validation. Duh. I get it. I agree with that concept fully. Only one thing remains:
I have to build my own internal validation. Stated differently and more relevant to the topic at hand (women), I need to bring awareness to the many, awesome, positive traits I have, but have always been blind to.
When I said 'I need to believe in myself,' this is what I was referring to. I can see how "belief" may not be the best word to use.
Curious if this changes any of your comments. What would be your cue to someone who simply never awareness or appreciation for their positive traits? Would you agree this is different than "believing in yourself"?
Thank you as always, Will.
I've read your comments several times now. I can't decide if I disagree with your position, or if I agree, and we're just talking past each other.
Let me try to re-describe what I'm working on/my position, without using the term "belief."
What I think is happening:
As a child, I grew up in an environment essentially void of positivity. It's wasn't a very negative environment - just a little on the negative side. Part of the negativity I saw was jealousy in others. This idea that others had some quality to them that made them demonstrably superior to others. And that me and my circumstances lacked that quality.
This set the stage for developing a habit where I sought external validation. 'Hopefully people will like me despite not having these cool qualities.' Seeking external validation, plus not building any of my own, internally. Because my circumstances were void of positivity, I simply didn't practice things like gratitude, or thinking about the many positive traits I already possessed.
This continued through adolescence and early adulthood unbeknownst to me. Unfortunately, this led to social interactions only reinforcing this subconscious viewpoint of how the world works (referring to others having certain qualities and me not having them). Thus, strengthening the mental habit.
Fast forward to today when I finally figured out that my mind has been wired like this for all this time.
Because this viewpoint is such a strong habit, I'm not some light reading away from correcting it. I've read all the subject matter, I understand exactly what's going on.... but it's a strong habit, so it's still there. It still does its thing in social settings. It's a negativity still there pulling me down. I can mask it as best I can, but it still comes through in my vibe. It still sabotages my social interactions, especially with women.
But because of how much I've studied this issue, I know exactly what to do. I know what cue to give myself, as if I'm a therapist recommending an exercise to a patient. And because I've done the reading, and understand this issue so well, there's no more material I need to convince me not to seek external validation. Duh. I get it. I agree with that concept fully. Only one thing remains:
I have to build my own internal validation. Stated differently and more relevant to the topic at hand (women), I need to bring awareness to the many, awesome, positive traits I have, but have always been blind to.
When I said 'I need to believe in myself,' this is what I was referring to. I can see how "belief" may not be the best word to use.
Curious if this changes any of your comments. What would be your cue to someone who simply never awareness or appreciation for their positive traits? Would you agree this is different than "believing in yourself"?
Thank you as always, Will.