Get Pussy Or Die Tryin'

[Hue]

Monday - Snoozy, laid back day. Not a whole lot done.

Tuesday - I got my haircut and went to work. Observation: my hairdresser either stopped treating me like a kid, or I'm more aware of how the interactions have been going. Not totally sure which, but the whole vibe was different, and I had the sexual frames flowing the whole time. Banged the crazy chick. I'm wondering what effect this will have on reputation.


Wednesday - Met with two old friends who basically fucked their lives up. One just got out of rehab and is doing AWESOME.

So happy I never truly gave up on him even though it seemed like the thing to do / all my friends did. I'll admit it hurt my external value to be associated with the kid, but.. sometimes you gotta weigh your personal values.

Reading Chase's recent post on the social exchange makes me think about many things.

I absolutely see what he's talking about, especially in groups that are higher status / have more going for them. It gives me cognitive dissonance contrasted with what Hector said in his podcast about college social circle game, and how the player is constantly a polarizing individual.

How does someone navigate the social atmosphere through his established value when their value is a fluctuating factor, as people are constantly reacting in vastly different ways to the same behaviors and qualities?

Certainly, I've noticed that people have been wanting my attention, consider me high value, qualify themselves around me before... then as time passes they no longer show it. Rarely have I seen it the other way around, but perhaps that's because of my own transgression in that specific scene - I may have failed to give maintenance to those relationships properly. I even had a close friend tell me that after someone sees my "bad side" or me when I'm on a negative polarization, they rarely return or switch to the positive polarization... just his observation, but it's congruent with my experience (more times than not).


I went to catch up with the other old friend at a bar. It had been a year since I'd last seen him and I wanted to see how he was.

He hasn't changed at all. Other than being deep in addiction, which he's recovering. Especially after Chase's article, I wonder how this may effect me.. It's definitely a relationship of me not gaining anything and him gaining shit. He literally asked me to counsel him which I jokingly deflected. No, I'm not going to counsel you because we used to be friends. Go pay for a counselor, not leech my emotions while I try to get into graduate school for counseling. Also there's data that suggests that giving too much empathy causes burnout, where as giving some empathy and a majority of compassion is more long lasting. Not that life is completely reflective of data and paper, but it supports my stance.

Anyways.. approaches.

First approach: It was karaoke night at this bar and I jokingly signed my friend up to sing. While doing so there's a girl signing herself up - I talk her up and flirt, getting her name. She seemed interested. I leave back to my friends for a while, then run into her inside. I start trying to deep dive a little bit, and get "tossed" to her friend while she goes to the bathroom. I started to joke and have a good time with her, it actually was fun and seemed solid. Before the girl I want returns I ask her friend if she's single, and she says no, she has a boyfriend. I pull the marriage line and naaah. Lol I think I'm in too young of an age group to make that a regular line. She comes back, we chit chat, and I eject.

Second approach: There's a girl eye fucking me. She won't stop. I tell my friend, "yo, I need to go talk to this girl" and go up. Yet, she gave me nothing. I talk to her and her friend, AGAIN getting good vibes from the friend, but not her. Wtf? I'm clearly missing something here..... maybe I was asking too basic of questions. Eventually I'm just not getting the investment I expect and bail.

Third approach: Same thing with eye fucking and me approach to see nothing, but this one was different. She's staring me down, I walk over, and open with "Hey " and she just turns around 180. What. The. Fuck??? I try further, "if you're gonna flirt with me like that you should say hi first". Nada. Nothing. Was I just giving off PUA vibes? I don't know, but something was majorly off with my vibe.

Fourth approach: Woof. Okay, so my old friend somehow starts convo with these two chicks. One's a 5, one's a 6. The 5 says "Don't worry, I'll do anything for you" and I chase frame her on him, making some good fun out of it. Eventually he starts talking to them, which he never does. I see him about to fall off (he's starting to look around anxiously) and go up to wingman. I just didn't get any vibe from these girls, I really don't get what was going on. It's like my empathy is turned off. Regardless, I talk and try to get an idea of what they're like. Eventually, the 5 says she's a psych major and we chat about that. After a few minutes, I realize... I book-club gamed this chick 1st semester last year.. she's put on weight. Used to be a 6. I bring it up like, "wait a minute.... you're in psych book club aren't you" and afterwards she's way warmer. After a bit she goes to the bathroom, I take her friend to get drinks, but she pulls the " I don't have money card" and then just doesn't really show me any real interest. It didn't feel right!

After that I went home.

Oh yea, and when I first got there the crazy chick's friend sees me,

Me: Hey [name]!
Her: What's up you freaky animal? (;
Me: Haha, that's a new one
Her: Well I'm sure you'd prefer that to sock-boy
Me: *glances to the right and laughs*Haha! No that's a keeper
Me: Do you have any nicknames.. in that field?
Her: Cutie-petudy (I thought she said butt-tudy)
Me: (god this is so lame) Oh, is the butt capitalized? (What?)
Her: What? Or heaven's little angel (oh my god sexual framing window, wtf)
Me: You said buttudy right? (holy fuck now I get what I was doing wrong)

something something

Her: Maybe you'll just have to give me one after some.. experience (YEEEEEP)
Me: Hmm, we'll have to see about that (should have said, "That can be arranged")
Me: Yo, Mikey! (pulls bartender aside)

Wow, that was super meh.

For some reason that night, I was being overly literal and serious. That's weird. Why, though?
I went home shortly after. Rough night.


Thursday:

Went out with my buddy, didn't approach other than two black girls at the bar. Some guys we ran into opened them, then introduced me and it seemed like it was on, but then the lights came on and they left. I quickly tried to get her number, she said she'd take mine, and I laughed and said we might not see eachother again, and stuck my phone out. They left.

A really hot girl we were with was smiling at me saying that they were into me, but her vibe felt weird when she did, so, idk if she was being facetious or not.

Friday:

Got off work early and then chose to go out even though two of my friends tried to get me to stay home with them and hang. I felt bad. Ah well, I'll make it up to them.

I approached 3 girls that night, and put in some real estate for later with two of them (ran into them last night too but couldn't smoothly number close and didn't wanna seem desperate).

What really ended up happening was my buddy convinced me to afterparty with these older guys. No hot girls, just a bunch of post graduates in their late 20's. It turned into a snow party, which by the end of I was killing it. But, ehh, weird vibes the next day. Just, people get too intense and pour out too much when their on the shit.

Saturday: I went to bed incredibly late and slept all day before work. Two hot black girls gave me IOI's but I couldn't bring out my vibe. After that two white girls gave me the same thing (both tables just came for drinks), and I went up to their table right before the lights come on. I can't fully remember the dialogue, but it was something along the lines of me teasing them because they got scared when the lights came on for closing hours, then I asked them where they were going after, and if they were gonna go onto the next dimly let place. Then the hotter one sexually framed it, "yeah so you can't see what we're doing" and I accept her frame, then eject. I come back and the other one does something eccentric and I go, "ooo now I see what bad things you're up to over here". (bad things is more calibrated than naughty in the restaurant setting) and she starts to giggle with light banter. I leave again and come around asking if they're also both students, we talk about how we're both seniors and their upset, I frame in positively like a new adventure, and then it turns out we both used to work at the same place before I quit for the same reason. I got lucky here. I left again, then came back one more time and she was writing down her number as I came up. Boom. Trying a new tactic of waiting two days so I'll text her tomorrow.

I banged Venezuela, practiced sexual dialogue, and made her cum harder than she ever had before. But, I'm growing bored of her and she can tell. I snuck away in the night and didn't sleep over, and I've been slowly distancing myself from her. I'm totally fine with her banging some other guy - I also don't want to hurt her. She has to take the hint by now that this is dissolving. I'm gonna stay around just a bit longer and see if she has hot friends then try to pull a threesome. Selfish, I know, but worth it. I planted seeds of trying new things in bed with her so maybe this can grow into that, who knows?

Sunday: Moved into my new apartment, a single (; and it's great. So spacious and well divided. I have an office now and looking forward to pimping it out, throwing some parties, etc. I knocked on my neighbors door who I had cold approached last week and got her wifi password. I didn't flirt but I tried to do any and everything in the sexiest way possible. She knows who I am, and that we're neighbors. Oh, and she had to bend over for an extended period of time to look behind her router. Great ass. I wonder if this was on purpose.


Lifting update

Squat - 250 2 reps
Quad - 190 6 reps (after 8,10 with 150,176)
Hamstring - 175 8 reps
Calves - 130 20 reps

10 pound assisted pull ups - 10 max
Pull down - 190 3 reps, 180 5 reps
Row Cords - 100 7 reps
Row Machine - 170 1 rep

Chest Press - 190 4 reps
Fly - 135 6 reps (X2)
Tri Iso - 110 4 reps
Super DB 50's - 15 dumbells


Plan for 8/7 - 8/14

Weekly goal: Practice time management and street approaching by walking to work instead of driving

Monday

Intern
Work out Legs
Text girl who left her number
Get new debit card
Work

Tuesday

Work Out Chest
Pimp out my apartment
Work
Go out? Or save money

Wednesday

Work Out Core
Pick up work shift
Find an errand to run and street approach

Thursday

Introduce Overhead Barbell Lunges to Workout, then workout shoulders (carefully)
Pack For Colorado
Pick up Work Shift

Friday - Sunday

Coloraaadoooooo

We're going on a huge end of summer trip. Still haven't told my parents but I should soon. Friday night we're hitting the bars, Saturday we're throwing a party with a bunch of other people visiting, Sunday - Tuesday we're gonna hike and bum around. So pumped.

 

[Hue]

I am not a big deal.


Didn't approach much at all this week. The vacation trip with my good buddies plus juggling a bunch of shit had me so busy. We got super drunk and then went hiking. And, of course, we didn't smoke any legal weed. Because that's bad for you.

I approached one girl at the bar on vacation who was friendly but not giving me the signals I wanted. I was also shitfaced. I danced with some girls at a club but don't remember much of it. I had to sit alone on the airplane and flirted with the girls next to me, but the hot one's dad was behind her so I didn't go too far. Lol mile high club was all that was on my mind though.

Went out last night and started chatting up 2 girls at the bar. One was hot but aloof, and they left to a table. After hanging with my buddies for one of their birthdays I talked myself into going up to their table. I just asked for a cigarette, then asked all three of them about their selves, switching between deep diving and flirty banter. The prize was still being aloof, and I had to invest more to get her to talk much.

Both of the other girls left to the bathroom, and the hot one stayed. Yea, she wants it. Then I compliment her and get a really warm smile. Her friends come back and say their leaving, and still, she stays. In my head I'm thinking I'm totally in, holy shit, this will be such an easy pull.

I ask her to leave with me to get some food and she says she's just gonna go home. I turn on my sexy eyes and a slight "really?" look and her eyes get red (her heart is beating faster because she's turned on). She leans into me across the table and we kiss. I immediately pull back.

Then I fucked up. She took my pull back as rejection to her kiss and says "oh, I'll just go home then". I say, "what are you thinking about right now" and she asks me the same thing back.

I say, "well, I'm really just thinking about fucking your brains out right now, but I think we should go to [place] before", and she looks at me with a gasp, then storms off. So, I hyper sexualized with poor calibration, and did so without making her feel comfortable first. Lame. Then I realized, I had cold approached her before, I don't think either of us remembered. We talked about fucking listening to death metal being super intense sex when we first met, and maybe my hyper sexualizing reminded her of that? Dunno, doesn't matter though.

Lol, was a funny story to the guys I was with though.


I set up a date with the intern girl because she just completed her time with the company. Risky business, but I'll screen before moving forward too much.

Next week school starts Let's let my final year in college be my best. I can't believe I'm here right now.


Weekly plan:


Thursday

Intern
Buy Texts
Work Out Biceps
GO TO DMV
Date with Intern girl
Go out


Friday

Work out Legs
Walk to coffee shop and street approach while doing so
Work


Saturday

Work out Core
Mall Game
Finish Philosophy Book
Go out


Sunday

Work out Chest / Triceps
Finish Philosophy Book
Work


Monday

Intern
Full Body Workout / Cardio
Prepare for school


Tuesday

Class
Research Lab
Class
Rest Day
Go out?


Wednesday

Intern
Work Out
Class
Freestyle Club


Thursday

Class
Research Lab
Class
Work Out
Go to Banger


Friday

Workout
Work?
Homework?
Party?


Saturday

See Friday


Sunday

Workout
Work





Man, I wish I wasn't so fucking busy with all the shit I've signed up for. And, I'm overall disappointed at my lack of motivation to day game cold approach this summer. That was my big plan at the beginning, but when you're running around with all this shit, the energy usually just isn't there.

Lately I have felt more extraverted and confident, not as caring about others. The vacation plus the literature and GC I've been reading has helped me a lot.

On another wavelength, part of me wants to settle down and get a high quality girlfriend. But, I fear this would end poorly. When I've had girlfriends or significant others in the past I tend to get bored. There's one girl I have in mind who is girlfriend material. Best not set any expectations.

 

[Hue]

Busy busy.

I feel like I'm back in my groove with women, and things will be going well looking forward. Flirting is second nature, I'm recognizing IOI's that I didn't know existed before, and I feel like I can read a girls vibe within the first 10-15 seconds of interacting with her and whether or not to proceed. Also my understanding of the subtle differences between a shit test and a legitimate rejection are starting to open up to me but I'm not there yet.

Whether I'm cyclothymic or not is something I'm wondering, but it's more likely than not just the amount of shit I'm putting in my body that are excititory and inhibitory, and the collateral effects from that, coupled with my hefty schedule. Basically I'm burning the candle at both ends. It's exhausting.

As I get more comfortable at my work place, I'm picking up more and more on tests that some bitches give. Really, not all bitches are constantly shit testing - it's the dominant ones who love being out dominated by an alpha male that do. I work my ass off at work, but now I'm beginning to see the pointlessness of going the extra mile to help those who would not do the same for me. We're expected to run eachother's food when its at the window, and to bus eachother's tables. I'm one of 3-5 people that actually do this, while there's a couple bitches that never do that for anybody, and furthermore try to order me around. The same bitches that have been shit testing me. So, yea fuck that. Respect demands respect.

There's also this older fellow who I'm now cautious towards. The day I met the guy we got into an hour long conversation about self improvement and absolutely hit it off. Almost told him about GC, but glad I didn't. After a shift at the bar this guy and I started talking about how he quit his other job as a bar manager, and then started telling me about how he's amazing at making people loyal to him. Definitely raised my eyebrows and so I deep dived him about it, and he started saying all sorts of narcissistic shit. Very critical of others yet praises his own accomplishments without ever showing the slightest instance of vulnerability or self-criticism. Anyways, this isn't a rant about him. I'm just cautious because I know that there's quite a high chance of him running his mouth about me - and, since I'm a fairly polarizing individual, that's not great. He's starting a life-coaching business, so hey, maybe befriending him could turn into something quite fruitful. I guess it makes sense that he wants to life-coach if he's highly critical yet shows himself in the best light at all times. It's likely he's highly critical of himself just doesn't show it.



Yesterday was overall a mess. I went to a party that had a slow start, I flirted with a lot of the girls, had a girl comment on a hicky that Bundle gave me before autorjecting, and eventually I passed out. I went out to bars after I woke up again and missed a massive opportunity because of some bros>hoes shit. There were people visiting from Florida because of the hurricane aka they're only here for the night aka come stay at the Hueman Hotel. Instead I fulfilled a promise I made to my homies and left the bar with the florida people for another one.

Eventually I did go out to another bar by myself, and made a highly polarizing move that taught me something.

So I see these 3 chicks and approach one with high energy. I don't remember what I said, but was getting beaming smiles from these girls. Then the hottest one introduces herself to me whilst cutting off her friend, meaning she was the leader and was probably wondering why I wasn't talking to her in the first place. This part is fuzzy but I think one of them asked me if I was gay because of what was wearing plus me using flamboyancy in my game now. I tell them I'm bi and they don't believe me so, *cringe*, I say "Oh you don't believe me?", then walk over to the closest dude, whisper in his ear "I'm gonna pretend to kiss you. I'm not gay". And he's just like "umm okay?" and then I do it, turning back to the group of girls who are still beaming at me.

My next action would have been to move them and keep up the fast pace of what I was doing, but then the guy next to the dude I pretended to kiss is all like "bro, did that guy just kiss you?" and the guy gets all flustered and starts tooling me hard, threatening me, and all three of the guys they're with start surrounding me. I think what happened here was at first the dude was just like "okay, go a head, this is pretty weird but whatever", and then his friend challenged his masculinity, making him react in a grunting bull type of way.

I turn back to the girls and give them an look that says, "well, I'd love to stay, but I'd better get the fuck out of here" while doing a little shrug with my hands. I start walking away and chirp the guy back a little bit, flicking my tongue out like a total faggot. He looked so fucking pissed as I left. I definitely would have gotten my ass kicked.

But that taught me that a lot of dudes are in a state that they must show their masculinity uncompromisingly. And, to not use homo-eroticism and flamboyancy to the point of homosexuality, even though it was fake. It's pretty absurd lol, using homosexuality to get pussy. Even though I'm not gay, the external me would quite clearly be gay, which is what people see.

 

[Sandman]

Hahaha that's crazy lol. Kudos to you for trying it out. But yeah telling him I will pretend to kiss you might have been too much / try hard. A subtler approach might have been smiling seductively at the guy, winking and saying Why do you ask? Just as you would do to a girl. Then when he gets flustered turn to a girl and change the subject. But that took balls I give you that!

The most I come close to playing homo is complimenting other dudes calling them handsome and such. And I do tell girls if the subject comes up I wouldn't mind trying to mfm if the oppurtunity presented itself. And oh if they ask me if I'm bi, I just tell them nah, but I'm open to experimenting you never know Btw, I did inadvertedly (thought he was a she) seduce a trans (not that it requires much skill) omg worse experience in my life lol. It was just super weird for me.

 

[foggy]

So I see these 3 chicks and approach one with high energy. I don't remember what I said, but was getting beaming smiles from these girls. Then the hottest one introduces herself to me whilst cutting off her friend, meaning she was the leader and was probably wondering why I wasn't talking to her in the first place. This part is fuzzy but I think one of them asked me if I was gay because of what was wearing plus me using flamboyancy in my game now. I tell them I'm bi and they don't believe me so, *cringe*, I say "Oh you don't believe me?", then walk over to the closest dude, whisper in his ear "I'm gonna pretend to kiss you. I'm not gay". And he's just like "umm okay?" and then I do it, turning back to the group of girls who are still beaming at me.

When they asked you if you were gay, you could have responded with a chase frame or some flirting......something like, "why... are you interested? "

I'm glad you learned something by being polarizing!

 

[Hue]

Hahaha that's crazy lol. Kudos to you for trying it out. But yeah telling him I will pretend to kiss you might have been too much / try hard. A subtler approach might have been smiling seductively at the guy, winking and saying Why do you ask? Just as you would do to a girl. Then when he gets flustered turn to a girl and change the subject. But that took balls I give you that!

Yea there was deefinitely a more subtler way of going about this dynamic lol.

The first time I tried this shit I went from "yea I'm gay" --> *immediately make out with the girl* --> girl is putty in my hands. Their guards go down. It's just really funny for me to have that shit work lol.

When they asked you if you were gay, you could have responded with a chase frame or some flirting......something like, "why... are you interested? "

I'll give a chase frame with some lighter fragrances of homoeroticism a go next time I get asked. Thanks for the suggestions gentlemen.

 

[Hue]

I'm mentally a lowkey mess right now, jesus.

My ego = a suffocating balloon (get's huge, pops, shrivels, get's huge, pops, etc. )
My mood = rollercoaster (fluctuations between highs and lows of happiness and sadness. )
My motivation = firecracker (goes hard as shit then is effectively nothing. )

Sounds like some fucked up carnival ride.


Rather than throw a label on it and fall victim to a victim mentality, I must simply ask myself what I've done to fix this problem before, and the answer is return to healthy habits. Stupidly I've neglected these habits.

I've stopped meditating regularly, exercising regularly, watching my diet, reading books, playing guitar, writing raps, and regularly seeing my family.

I stopped reflecting on the "why's" of things as much, and going with pure instinct more often than not; acting without thinking.

I'M NOT PUSHING MYSELF IN THE APPROPRIATE WAY.

I'm throwing bandaid solutions on everything, and that doesn't fucking work.

Two Posts I Wrote Almost a Year Ago

Self Actualization

Been doing a lot of self reflection about my deeper motives behind my actions recently, and ended up here. After sifting through many ideas and thoughts, I thought this recent experience spoke most toward overcoming irrational motives behind getting what one wants; what one does to feel satisfied.

I was studying for my neuroscience exam with a grad student this summer, and we got deep into a topic about emotional stability. He had been in many different relationships from the age of 12 to 24, and had a copious amount of experience with trying to control and stabilize his emotions. He explained emotions in a metaphor about a table.

Most people stabilize their emotions on a table, usually with the four legs of:
Relationships
Family
Hobbies
Work
(There's certainly more, but that's beside the point.)

When someone puts too much energy, even if that means too much enjoyment onto one leg of the table, it will inevitably lead to stress on that leg, and the neglect of the other legs. This can perpetuate into the breaking of the stressed leg. In an attempt to stabilize the table, one might push more weight into the other areas, struggling to keep the top of the table from hitting the ground. Obviously, this creates more stress in the other legs as well (which can be sudden and forced when there's a sudden weight shift). The emotional table demands balance.

When he was finishing his point, I proposed the idea that there could be a pedestal (for lack of a better word) in the middle of the table. The pedestal would resemble one's self-actualization. With self-actualization, the other legs of the table don't demand as much stress, if any stress at all. To create a strong pedestal, one has to build a strong foundation, use good materials to build upward, and take their time to chip away and sculpt. By doing this, the need of the other tables are no longer required for emotional stability, and the stability comes from oneself. This is not to say the legs should be ignored, just not relied on.

So, how does this begin? I'm still trying to learn. How I think it begins is by going deep, breaking down the bad materials of one's current pedestal, replacing them with a stronger, more sustainable material. Obviously, a perfect pedestal is impossible, and there's always room for improvement. One has to be brutally honest with oneself.

I can only build if I tear the walls down - R.I.P. Eyedea


It's not an easy task to accomplish, but hey, are most things really worth it in the long run easy to attain?

I'm trying to create a list of what some of these materials for strong personal foundation are, and continue to set goals and build. If anyone has ideas about core values that really strengthen things like character, perception, and happiness, feel free to post them in the reply.

Keep it real.

Ideas =/= Realities

The initial reason I joined this GC was quite honestly to win back my ex. Thing is, I broke up with her because she wasn't who I thought she was. Once she got a new boyfriend I wanted her again, and became obsessed with "her beauty" and "our deep connection".

Here I am months later, more emotionally stable than then, and in realization of a a very important lesson:

The idea of having something is not having that thing. The things that are most difficult to have or are unattainable are often the most desired, but not necessarily the most satisfying.

If I may,
I suggest you identify the core idea of what you think will bring you satisfaction. Whatever qualia that thing possesses, I guarantee there are alternative methods of grasping it.

Where'd that guy go?

I'm going to re-read these everyday. I hate this cyclic nature I'm going through. Fuck this shit.

Tomorrow after my classes I'm going to revamp this journal with a weekly gameplan.
Tonight, it's late and I have class in the morning I need sleep.

 

[Hue]

Jake's Snatch Tourny is my call to action. Let's go.

By Halloween, I want at least 2 new lays, and at least 3 dates. That happens by setting specific goals for the day / week and trying out new things.


Diet: White meat, vegetables, fruit, cheese, nuts, milk, honey and high protein cereal for when I'm craving carbs. If it's not in my house, I can't break this.

Money: 40$ taken out to save per shift, per paycheck.

Exercise: Return to my workout routine I wrote up when I began this, the way I've been doing it is too hit or miss, and even though I write shit in my planner I cheat too much for naps / impromptu situations.

School: 30 minute chapter review before class, for each class. Back to back classes? Read them day/night before.

Work: Socialize with customers more. Use tips from Hector's Small Talk video to make their experience more enjoyable and impressionable.

Drinking: Yep. Making a subtitle about this. No more than 2 drinks per hour - to start. Drink waters intermittently. If you feel out of it, GO HOME. Sleep it off. DO NOT keep getting drunk.


Tuesday

1:00 - 2:00 Eat / Shower
2:00 - 4:00 Class
4:00 - 6:00 Research Lab
6:30 - 8:00 Chest Day
8:00 - 8:30 Clean House
8:30 - 10:00 Study
10:00 - 12:00 Approach with wingman


Wednesday
9:30 - 10:00 Prepare for day (Mediate, Shower, Water+Coffee)
10:00 - 11:30 Leg Day
11:30 - 12:30 Eat / Relax
12:30 - 3:00 Library (Study 45, Chill 15 intervals)
3:55 - 5:15 Class
5:30 - 7:00 Campus & Street Approach
7:30 - 8:30 Rap My Ass Off
9:00 - Sleep Relax / Read

Thursday
8:30 - 9:00 Prepare for day
9:35 - 12:30 Class
1:00 - 2:00 Research Lab
2:00- 3:45 Class
4:00 - 5:30 Core Day
5:30 - 6:45 Eat / Relax

Catnap

TBD

Friday
10:00 - 10:45 Prepare for day
11:00 - 5:30 Work
6:00 - 10:00 NHL
10:00 - ? Rally with friends

Saturday
10:00 - 11:00 Prepare for day
11:15 - 1:30 Exercise Shoulders & Biceps
2:00 - ? Football Parties

Sunday
10:00 - 11:00 Prepare for day
12:15 - 1:30 Maitainance Workout
2:00 - 3:30 Street / Campus Approach
4:00 - 12:00 Work
12:00 - 1:00 Weekly Journal Schedule


Breath, and Focus.

 

[Hue]

No direct approaches yet, sad to say. There's only been two girls who I've even felt the desire to. One was a cute black girl with purple hair, who was walking sooooooo slowly in front of me. I couldn't think of a smooth entrance, coming from behind. Something to look up before I hit the hay tn.

The other was a HB8 blonde who was walking quite fast with a puzzled/worried look on her face. I felt like she didn't want to be bothered.

I did a social-circle classroom approach with 3 girls though, but I'm not going to call them actual approaches. It was a tutoring session for my neuro class and there was only one dude. I was in a bit more chipper mood, having just gotten off the phone with my mother, and sat down and greeted everyone as if we were old friends.

Second time I've felt this - you can use study sessions to build attraction well with Slow Burner. Don't say much, and use sexy mannerisms and a low energy voice when you speak, and it just drawwws them in. It seemed they gave me more IOI's towards the end of the tutoring than the beginning, especially right at the end where I was getting up to leave because I exchanged names with them.

I stood up, slightly leaned in and extended my hand, "what was your name?" with a smile and just a slight downward bending of the eyebrows. Like, a lowkey mischievous smile. Right when I did this both tutors popped up just a tad with a little sparkle in the eye.

Subtlety, meet subtlety.


After this I freestyled with the rap club, and made some connections with producer club who we merged with this week. It went well, and went on for a long ass time.

Then I decided to visit my old workplace because it's national taco day. Right when I walk in, the FIRST thing my excoworker says to me is, "Yo Hueman, the new bartender, I got dibs." Lol, aight dude. I sit at the bar and chat up old friends and see the new coworker, who's really not that hot. Very masculine girl. Like, her voice was deep and she had noticeable muscles. I asked someone if the dibs thing was serious and it was lol.

Just for fun I flirt with her a little bit, which turned into deep diving about what she wants to do and what she's done. Turns out she's a stripper, too! Heard a load of stories, and practiced that thing someone put in general, adding "because" to connection building.

Like instead of being like "oh yea I understand", being like "yea. I got you. because you were trying to..." and it worked pretty well. She seemed more excited during times I did that than times I didn't.

Right before I left she was showing a worker and I pictures of her in stripper outfits. Wow, was she a lot hotter with everything on. The worker did something I picked up on to make her show the pictures.

Him: "Baylor, are you gonna let me see your pictures?"
Her: "Pictures?"
Him: "Yea those pictures"
Her: "Oooh haha..."

*ignores him and goes back to work"

Him: "I don't know if I believe it's you honestly"
Her: "Yea!! Damn right it's me!" *pulls out phone and proceeds to show some awesome photos"

Similar dynamic as reversing a girl's objection, combined with token resistance. "Yea, maybe we shouldn't" or "Oh it's probably not best anyways" because the first thing a girl thinks when she here's that is you changing your mind on her identity. She wants to keep an image of her in your head, so she reciprocates with compliance.


Stay focused.

 

[Hue]

I've been chizzeling at the cutest girl in my research lab since the thing has started. I've only seen her a total 4 times now.

First day I intentionally ignored her. Second we were introduced by our boss and became acquainted. Third I caught her at an internship fair and we were both looking dapper, and I did some light flirting.

Yesterday I made moves, in a very socially calibrated way. We're coworkers, so shit has to be under the nose.

I come in and greet my boss, who immediately gets distracted by another RA. Perfect. I mosey into the office she's in, and place down a free cupcake I got from lunch on a desk (was gonna give it to one of my superiors who loves chocolate, she wasn't in today. This helps later (; ).

Me: Hey you, how'd the internship fair go?
Her: Hey! Pretty well actually.
Me: You snag yourself a job or what happened?
Her: Well I got two offers, but I already have an internship so... eeeh hahaha
Me: Poppin like you got options! What were those?
Her: Oh one's at [autism care] and the other I didn't really like. I have one at [big ass business] so you know.
Me: Nice! Yea they offered me too but I looked at the description and wasn't feeling it. That... is pretty solid though.
Me: What are you putting all this work in for anyways? What made you join this lab? Other than coming to find me that is (;
[chase frame]
Her: Hahaha! *shifts body language, gives me sparkly eyes* Oh well I want to get my M.D. and my Ph.D. so need as much as I can get.
Me: Damn gurl! Put in work! So I'm guessing you're... neuro for premed? [cold read]
Her: Yea! *playing with hair*
Me: Knew it! Is that something your parents did or..?
Her: Nope! Just me haha.
Me: Trailblazer! That's what's up. *checks on boss*

After this my boss is done talking to the other RA and gives me the gameplan for the day. I only have a very small task to do. We sit in his office and start going over the document, when another worker comes in and says he's taking all the RA's on a tour of the tunnels under the hospital we're in, so we know how to access them if it's pouring rain or a dangerous situation. A little field trip.

I convince my boss to let me go because "it's a little fuzzy" from when he showed me the tunnels.

So it's me and the 3 RA's standing in the office hall, all girls. I mostly let them talk, introducing myself to a girl I hadn't met, reintroducing myself to a girl who's name I didn't remember in a playful way, and ask the girls about themselves when appropriate. Positive vibe.

We start walking along and I joke and say "okay guys, buddy system!" to the girl I'm going for, let's call her Cupcake, and another RA. Then as groups naturally form for the walk I bounce around. As I do, my playful teasing comes out more and more, where I'm eventually flirting with all the girls and pushing them "stop it" here and there, and crack a couple jokes to the superiors. Preselection wasn't great, because some of these girls are 5's at best, but nonetheless it helped. It was fun, anyways.

Eventually we're in the main lobby of the hospital and I see a window to isolate Cupcake, and immediately do. This didn't go perfectly smooth, but I was aiming for social calibration. You're not supposed to ask out your coworkers while you're around your superiors. I wasn't as direct as I could have been.

Me: blah blah blah nueroscience shit *she was showing IOI's even though the conversation was medical*
Me: So other than all that serious jazz, what else do you do?
Her: Haha, drink margaritas. [window to ask out for drinks]
Me: Mmmm (in like a heyyyy kind of way), that's my favorittte. Where do you go?
Her: My friends got me into [bar]. So much fun.
Me: [bar]?? Oh man. Yea I tried to get a job there and they just gave me a blank face stare cuz none of them knew english! Rough time.
Her: *laughs*
Me: You ever been to [restaurant]? That's where I ended up going.
Her: [restaurant]? No I've been told about it but never have.
Me: Ah gotcha. Okay so margaritas and what else? You join any clubs are that jazz? (window for her to qualify herself)
Her: Oh you'll make fun of me. Most the clubs are nerdy.
Me: Haha, lay it on me.
Her: Okay I joined the swing dancing club *starts to bury her face in her hands*
Me: No shit? I've been wanting to do that! I'm way too busy.. are you any good? *slight mischeavious smile*
Her: Haha I mean.. I... I guess I'm decent.
Me: Okaaay that's what everyone who's good says. When can I see this?
Her: Me dancing?
Me: Yea that sounds pretty entertaining (teasing bordering condescending, gotta watch it), do you have any videos?
Her: Nooo I don't.
Me: Well I gotta see it sometime! I'm to busy to start swinging with you or I might.
Her: Haha, you would join the club?
Me: Why don't we get margaritas, THEN I'll watch you condescendingly.
Her: You want to get margaritas, then watch me?
Me: Yea, sounds fun *super feminine*
Her: We could just get margaritas
Me: That we could, as long as you're not trying to get me drunk (;
Her: Hahahah okay we'll see
Her: When I went with my friends we all used the same id to get in
Me: Passbacks! Classic haha
Me: So you don't have a fake?
Her: No I don't
Me: Well you can always use hers, I don't see what thatt'd be an objection
Her: Hahah yea I can

So, she more or less asked me on the date.

We talk a little more about her job and how she used to be a camp counselor. Right when it starts to fall off, the rest of the group finishes getting their coffee and we go back to the tour, now checking out some food areas in the hospital.

We get back to the actual research offices, and tend to our duties. I'm sitting there talking with my boss, then suddenly I realize "SHIT, I forgot to get her number!".

Then a few seconds later, I remember I put the cupcake down in the office she was in. I poke my head in, slowly waltz over to the cupcake "forgot something", pick it up, then turn to her with my phone out, "not all I forgot, actually". And she gets all excited like "Oh! yea!" and starts typing her number in. I do a light banter about iphones vs droids, and then slowly exit while I hear her do a little giggle behind me.

The rest of the office is none the wiser.

Good, because that's a violation of code to bang your coworkers.

2 hours later I text her:

Me: hey Cupcake it's Hue, save my #
Her: *thumbs up emoji*

hour later

Her: You're so lucky you left. [Boss] didn't stop talking until four lol
Me: lol I'm not surprised, he's got a lot to say
Me: when are you free this next week?
Her: I have two midterms next week :/ but I'm free from like 3-4 on Wednesday!
Me: yikes, let's just grab margs this weekend then
Her: Alright cool, when? *blushing smiley emoji*
Me: how bout Saturday around 12, before things get crazy for the game
Her: Lol but it's going to be dead at noon
Her: My friend said I can use her fake
Me: we'll just be trend setters and get it lit ;P
Her: Okay haha I'm up for whatever
Me: awesome *blushing emoji* I'll chat with ya then

next day (I don't wanna talk, but I can't ignore her)

Her: Hey, how's your day going?
Me: busy as hell actually, you
Her: Oh geez what happened? And pretty good, just relaxing and studying
Me: haha nothing that'll kill me just some shit at work
Her: Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. You'd think people making the best food on the planet would always be happy -\_(''/)_/- (lol alright)
Me: *cheesing emoji* you'd think right
Me: well tomorrow there'll be plenty of time for more important shenanigans ;P
Her: Oh shoot I just realized you're around Mexican food all the time! Is there some place you'd rather go?
Me: nahh plaza is still cool, we're going for just a drink or two anyways
Her: Okay sounds good

So she's excited at the end there, and felt she had to text me. Must definitely remove the boyfriend hole with her.

Dates in an hour! Let's get it.

 

[Hue]

So, the date wasn't all that enjoyable for me.

She was so nervous.. which made less attracted. And I mistook awkwardness for introversion in our previous encounters. Her body language and mannerisms in her face turned me off to the point I lost most all attraction. I had her very attracted, but I don't think she's even been on a date before (she was 19).

Since she "asked" me on the date, it felt an awful lot like she was chasing me, and I was the prize.

We met up at a school building, then walked to the place for margs, and they're closed. So I impromptu to this divier place that was right next to us, and we each grab one drink. I had been building up physical touch through light banter, and it wasn't until we sat down facing eachother that things started to stop fizzling. I wonder if we sat side by side I'd have just gotten horny enough through touching eachother to try and fuck her.

But since we were facing eachother the touching stayed light, and it left me nothing to be checking out other than her face and tits. Ah, man, she kept doing this really weird laugh where she'd almost clench her face and close her eyes. It was just really unattractive. And, since she was nervous as we talked, that happened alot. We talked about party shit, some family shit, a lot of music, dancing, etc.

Ultimately I knew that I'd be selling myself short as well as investing my dick into a girl that probably wouldn't handle my typical relationship dynamic well. I ended the interaction and gave her a hug.

I meet up with my friends at a party and we have a good time for a few hours, then they mostly go to the game and I kick it with some other peeps at a bar. I danced with this girl for a little bit, then left to get some food and rest.

When I go back out my friends are back from the game and we pregame at my friends house. My buddy was back from the navy seals and I got cucked, and I guess he's fucking the bitch I wanted to for a while now. I had just cut her off because I knew shit was a waste of time, I really didn't care all that much.

We go out to a few bars, having now met up with this bitch and her lowkey crazy friend. We're right next to my favorite dive so I excitedly ran in when we rolled up.

I'm there for 5 seconds and see a HB7 from my highschool, and immediately go up to her for an intimate hug, are body's were fully touching and she was giving me doe eyes. She was pretty drunk, as was I. We kissed for a second and then I find out my buddy didn't get in because he has a temporary out of state ID, so I leave somewhat upset. I never see these dudes, I chose bros>hoes. EDIT: Hindsight, why didn't I have her come with us or pull her out, do my business real quick and then meet back up with them later?? That would have been so doable. Fuck me.

Eventually we stumble into another place and it turns into a little highschool reunion with all the people who were back in town.

Then I can't explain why but I just couldn't be around people. I went home, got stoned and thought about shit for a while.


I had.. 5 approaches Thursday night, and 3 on Friday night, but they didn't go great.


I need to stop going to these campus bars, and start going to older people bars. They're boring me. Will try to write up a week schedule before I hit the hay tonight.

 

[Hue]

Weekly Schedule 10/9 - 10/16

Monday

Bicep & Back
Bank
Office Hours
Class
Work

Tuesday

Class
Outline Class Notes
Hormones & Behaviors Office Hours
Class
Legs
Study
Read

Wednesday

Prepare for day
Chest
Research Project Update???
Class
Office Hours
Read
Go out? (Fall break)

Thursday

Abs
Hang out with family / get lunch
Study
Read
Climbing wall?
Go out?

Friday

Biceps & Shoulders
Hang out with family / see a movie
Study
Read
Biking Trail
Go out!

Saturday

Rest
Mall game
Work
Go out

Sunday

Go for a run
Study
Work
Write next weekly schedule

 

[lostnumber]

Admire the dedication man! Keep it up!

 

[Hue]

lostnumber,

Thanks man.

You should give a fuck. You really should.

But only about things that set your mind on fire

Save your fucks for the magical shit.

-Puff Daddy

Interesting night. Need to write all this down because I'm sure there's much to learn from.

Got offered a research position today. Sometimes I sware to god my networking just lands in my lap. I'm pretty lucky when it comes to that shit.

Thennnn my freestyle club president throws in our chat that he has free tickets to some concert. I called dibs and invited my friend, who was on too many drugs to show up. Odd.

I go to my old workplace to get tacos and a few cheap beers, and stop up at my house and make a drink afterwards. Still adhering to my 2 drinks an hour rule (broke it later ).

Okay so I go to the concert wearing a burgandy shirt sleeves rolled up with interior plaid showing, white shorts, and grey shoes. Nothing special. Oh and my silver necklace w a piece of quartz on it. Concert looks like a ton of young people. I buy a beer and slowly snake my way through the mosh pit.

I see a spot with lots of chicks and move over. Almost immediately the girls behind me start whining about how they can't see. I turn around and smirk at them, then move best I can to get out of their way and into a good position. When I find it I'm still in front of some fat bitch, and she's bitching (but not in a particularly pissed way). I turn around and say "are you harassing me?" and she laughs and says, "no, I just didn't expect any giants tonight!". lolol bitch I'm 6'1 don't flatter me.


I throw a couple bits of banter at em then turn back to my initial spot. I post it up for about 5 minutes. 2 of the girls who are friend with the fat bitch come up "Are you having fun??" and we start bantering and small talking. I would go back and forth with banter and posting up until I finally felt it was time to rearrange myself.

I go to the bathroom, come back, and squeeze up from behind where some girls in the same group from kentucky (just hotter girls I mostly hadn't spoken with yet) are. I open with "hey I"m back" to the one I know (which gets all their attention) and then turn to the other two and ask "how are my kentucky girls doing?".

They respond receptively. There's an ugly fat bitch on my left, a 4 in front of me, and my target, an HB7 on my right. I banter with all of them and make small talk accordingly for about 10-15 minutes. For a couple minutes they basically laughed at every word I said. Then I tried to deep dive the HB7 and she wasn't receptive.

Me: So other than go to sorority funzies and leave state for concerts, what are you up to over there?
Her: Uhhhhmmmmm, I don't know......
Her: I'm pretty boring

I hate when girls say that.

Some you can tell they just want you to invest more to get them to let it out but she honestly didn't seem with it.


Maybe I just need to get better at making girls more comfortable so they'll open up more...


Okay so I prod the HB7 a few times to try and get her to open up, still going back and forth between watching the show and talking (probably some issues here I'm not even aware of yet with concert settings), and decide fuck this.


I leave to the bathroom again, come back to a different area and get IOI's from a group of three. Try to rearrange myself in an approachable way to them, but when I get closer the one that I thought was super hot has a bunch of acne.. which made me lose interest in all of them... (interesting).

I post up on the side of the bar facing the stage. Things get kinda cool, and definitely interesting here.

Okay how'd this start...

I grab a PBR and stance myself next to two chicks. One's an HB8 and ones a 6 a best. They're at the part of the bar where it cuts off and becomes back crew / sound engineering /idgaf or care. I post up for a few minutes, and a 30+ black woman comes up to me and starts hitting on me asking if I'm here alone, why I like the artist, blah fucking blah. She wasn't cute so I just answered her ?'s and occasionally bantered in return. A little bit of playful shoving.

When she gives up this 25 y/o, married woman comes up to me and tells me I'm super cute, and asks if I'm here to fuck chicks tonight. I laugh at her and reply, "me???? I wooooould neeeevvveeerrrrrr" with a devilish grin.

She becomes my wingman and cockblock for the next 45 minutes.

Shortly after a cute blonde rolls next to me, and Mrs. 25 haaaas to set us up, because, I'm "not trying enough for being so good looking". She actually does give us a cute little opener (btw I've probably said >10 words to this woman at this point) and I start talking to Stormy.

Opener was something like,

25: Hey! So I noticed that you guys were standing near eachother, and that the two of yuz are both very attractive people. It would be SO MAGICAL if the two of you could chat, and probably..
Me: Yea, she's not ugly ;P
Her: Not ugly?!?
25: Baby you're gorgeous
Her: Yea I'm fucking hot what are you saying?
Me: *laughs* What's your name?

She's a freshman that goes to my school and lives in the area. HB7. She asked how I got in and I told her, then she wants to know how I knew the promoter (I don't) and I asked "you mean that guy at the door?" and tell her my club president knows him. She let's me know that the promoter that got me in asked her for nudes. Qualifying I suppose, to my doucheyness.

Then girl after girl comes into our bubble that is now created in plain sight of the bar and concert. At one point it was me standing there talking to these two, with 7 other chicks just clouding around us.

Best part: I didn't do shit. Sprezzaturaaaaa.

BUT, I don't think the blonde was ever really that interested, OR she thought I was i kahoots with this 25, who repeatedly, and annoyingly, tried to force us into topic conversations and frames.
Despite my physical attempts to keep her close to me, she eventually started ignoring me both verbally and nonverbally and leaving with her friends, tanking my preselection.

Then the 25 reveals to me a ton of details on her marriage, and keeps telling me she'll be my wingman for the night. I wanted to tell her to stfu (not gonna lie) but instead just teased her, chatted with her, pushed her, until finally saying I was using the bathroom and left.

Oh wait.

Right before I left this girl that was friends with the HB7 pops up, asking if I've seen her. She looked super receptive when she did, it caught my eye. When this happened the 25 turns to me, saying "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE.. WHERE IS SHE???" lol okay you drunk woman. yes, attainability is my problem, I'm too condescending, but I'm not chasing.


I leave to the bathroom, and then find the friend. Cute HB6 with a petite body. I come up to her and her friends almost immediately shut up and walk away. She stays. She wants something.

We chat and turns out THIS BITCH IS AN 18 Y/O STRIPPER and so we become quick friends. I do hit a couple notes on her seducing me, and if she does this to every guy and she declines. Well, yea. It's your job to make me feel like this. Bbbbullshit. (even though I hope not).

We go outside to smoke a cigarrette and she tells me about how she doens't fuck like her coworkers do and she's not a slut, she just does it for money, while showing me pictures of her sweet ass and such. I cop a quick feel while I'm talking with her.

I trust her, somehow. WTF?

Fuckin strippers man.

I want to believe she's a good little girl, who just needs a man who's dominating and nice enough to treat her right. BULLSHIT. fuck. I fell for it. Should have told her were leaving when we were outside smoking.

Okay so I get her number then meet up with my buddy to hit other bars.



We arrive to the bar of choice and it's way to crowded. I kiss my co worker in front of her boyfriend as she's pulling out of a bar. whoops.

We decide not to go to that bar because it's overpacked. We hit the next and it take a WHILE to get the juices flowing again.

When they do, I start approaching. Most were quick little flirty banters. A lot of those were with chicks who weren't even hot. Just for fun. As for the hot ones...

First real approach I start of great on a 3 pack, then my buddy comes in and starts saying all this douchey "i'm from Florida. us floridians blah blah" shit and is super condescending about it. And I thought I was, jesus. I watch them go from greenish yellow to dark red flag. I explain to him after why I'm trying to be less condescending after he asks me what happened.

Lololol there was one 3 top I took and her friend cockblocked me in such a cunty way. Hats off to her.

I poke around a bit, almost leave cuz I'm bored, and then see a girl I recogize. I open and we start talking. She's beign awkward so dumb drunk me is like "oh yea she must be into me" and it turns out SHE'S MY FUCKING TUTOR from last week.

The vibe was nonexistant, but her body language, as well as her friends pushing us together and insisting her to stay with me said go for it. So I got her number and suggested we do something later but got a maybe.


I'm bouncing around the bar at this point and then a couple girls open me.

This HB7 brunette opens me amongst her friends. I take the role of the prize, but then leeway into investing her by finding out she plays soccer. I ask her what position she is and then answer for her, that she was "bottom" with a devilish grin. She goes "oh you're full of shit you never played soccer", and deflects the sexual frame. Shortly after she says we will go get a drink. I ask what she'll get me, and she says no you're the guy, you get me the drink. I tell her that's cute, but WE can go get a drink. She's bordering AR but comes with me. I ask her what she wants, with the plan of getting her a water and her drink, presenting the water, then touching her "just kidding" and giving her the drink, which would raise my attainability and walk her into my frame - that this doucheyness is just flirting. But, she says she's going to the bathroom and doesn't come back.

I post up and wait, she never comes back.

I'm walking home, pretty drunk and a little disappointed. Then, I see the bitch on frat row. I pivot my direction and walk that way, then pass her w/o making eye contact, as she walks into a frat house. I got used.

Then her friends are behind me talking about how they're mad at her, and how I was cute, and how some guys don't deserve that shit. Or it could have been about some other guy, idk. Could be true, could also be bullshit that woman tell themselves - they might have done / do the same thing.

I'm gonna go to this stripper's club, and chat her up there. I'm also gonna head into tutoring and try to slyly pull this chick after class today lol.

Tonight will be lit.

 

[Hue]

Had mad second thoughts on going out tonight but did anyway.

In my anxiety about going out I actually drove a down some streets to see if shit was poppin around 10:30. Two bars were PACKED, and despite the couple dudes I hit up to go out not wanting to go, this motivated me to say fuck it, solo baring.

I go to the less popular place first, and it turns out it's just a trivia night, which always tends to attract a regular crowd. As I'm peering over my friend from grade school who I've run into a few times now sees me and calls me over. We chit chat and I decide to go to the other bar because of the environment at this one.

I roll over to the bar closer to my house and try to talk to some kids in line but if falls short quickly. Then out of nowhere a kid I haven't seen in a couple years calls my name and we catch up a bit. He was really fucked up though. He's with some girls, and I fucked one of their friends this summer, and I exchange with them and get introduced to a HB7 she's with. No IOI's whatsoever, I didn't put much into that.

Then the kid I saw at the other bar pops out while I'm talking to the drunk kid and I tell him I'll be with him in a second. I move with the drunk kid and have an exchange with the crazy bitch who's mouth I stuffed with a sock this summer. She wants to fuck and I say no, but she keeps fucking going after it. I decided I'm not fucking her again, and don't give in.

To get away from her I go back to the kid who was at trivia, N, and he's with a bitch that I matched with on Tinder, twice, let's call her R, but she never replied much to my shit. I play like I've never met her before but can tell she remembers.

I hang out with them with some light banter for a bit, while I coerce N into some tequila shots which he hates cuz he always does stupid shit. He does give in though, and I kind of buddy up with R in coercing him. Everybody was watching a baseball game and when it ends I suggest we go up to the bar and R tells me to lead the way.

At the bar we get the shots while R goes and looks for the rest of N's group. She finds em, comes back, and I join the bubble of my school's sailing club, that apparently exists. I make quick friends with one of the dudes there, a 5th year frat guy, over a cigarette. Thing 2 also comes up to me during this and brings up the sock-gag thing AGAIN and I flirt with her. Something is said about cigarette butts and I just go "Oh you know I love those" and grab her ass for a second. The 5th thought we were fucking but I explained that she's just the biggest flirt in the world.

We mainly hang out at the table they had. Eventually, R brings up to me the fact we met on Tinder. I ask her how her experience had been and we have a good laugh about it. I was being a little bit touchy and she was receptive. Grabbed a little ass which is obviously green.

Then it occurred to me, she doesn't want her sailing team to see her leave with some rando, which, I basically was, only knowing 1.5 people there before this.

She goes to get a water, and I follow her and ask her what she left to get me, then she gives me shit, eventually answering that she's giving me her number. Yep. She wants to fuck but doesn't want her friends to see any of the jazz.

Once we're back I set up a frame that this is "our first Tinder date" and how the process works with fucking on the first and second dates, then if there's a third we start getting romantic. It was fun and she took the frame decently well.

Right around now I start running into a ton of people I know. Great social proof, some solid preselection. Set up some plans for later for a kid in another fraternity here this weekend.

I use that to my advantage to ditch any lame pauses in conversation with either the friends I was making in the sailing club or with R. Most the talk with R was banter about the karoake night, light flirting, and light touching. It was also pretty damn chaotic with the crowd for karoake, the dancing, and the fact it was the first night of fall break. I was good about my new drink rule, and felt WAY more in control and confident in what I was doing.

Towards the later half of the night I go outside to smoke a cigarette with Thing 2, and briefly talk with this dude she's with about 3-some's being on the bucket list haha.

Then Thing 2 distracts me from the convo for a quick sec, then jumps back to talking to her FB. I post up and smoke my cig just to relax for a second. Right before my cig burns out the sailing club comes back out. I walk up to R and say "aw you guys came to find me!" and she laughs and says "oh yea. where were you?". I get one the frat dude's # so we can chill later - that guy was pretty chill.

We all sit on this bench and hang out for a bit, and then the situation became R standing infront of me and two other sitting dudes telling some stories about her blacking out. I keep throwing jabs of touch / escalation when I get the chance and before I know it I'm putting the tips of my fingers into her waistband, and I can tell it's working from her body language. She ended up telling me two stories that involved her having sex, I knew what she was up to (;

Then things spike a bit.

Thing 1 (who had been dancing on stage idiotically, waaay too drunk during karoake. Also there was this creepy black dude grinding on her the whole time, he comes up later) pops out of the bar and sits on my lap. She gets her face super close to mine and I play it cool like "oh, hey Thing 1. How are you?" and she can barely hold a conversation. She's leaning in and out, and I had my hands on her just to keep her upright - not to escalate or anything. She has a boyfriend and has brought this up everytime I've seen her in the past 2-3 occasions (even though I never prompted it), which points to her wanting to fuck me.

I'm telling her ,

Me: Thing 1, you're really fucking drunk
Her: Oooohh yeeea. we were talking about that. about how I'm not too drunk for...
Me: *laughs* For?
Her: staaaahp. for...
Me: *laughs*
Her: Hue! stahp it.
Me: Thing 1, too drunk for what??
Her: That thing....
Her: That thing for when you have sex
Me: Consent?
Her: Yea *gets face super close to mine*
Me: Yea.


Me: Okay Thing 1 guess what.
Her: What?
Me: I'm gonna pick you up, and put you next to Thing 2, okay?
Her: What?
Me: I'm gonna put you next to Thing 2 and you're gonna talk to her okay? You want that?
Her: Okay.

I lift her up in a baby-cradle position and put her down on the bench Thing 2 is at. She immediately gets mad and starts whining at me. I go back to my friends and they're like "do you know her?" and I tell them "yea we're good friends - she's just really fucking drunk right now."

R hears me say that and gets somewhat flustered like, "you should get her a water!! Here, I'm gonna go get her water!!" and gets up to grab water. I go up with her to get some for myself, as well as Thing 1 and I can tell she's a little ticked off. I can't remember word for word what she said but I go, "wait... yoooou think I wanna fuck herrr, don't you?" while putting my hand around her waist and pushing my body a little into hers. This helps with attainability, which obviously went down from her seeing Thing 1 be all over me.

We go back to the bench and I give her a water, now she's coercing my friend into dancing with her lol. He's putting in like 0 effort to it, similar to how I was (basically what you have to do when a blacked out bitch is on you dick), until Thing 2 comes back from the bar. She's with her (according to her) ex-FB and skips over to me and says "look how much game I have, this guy's gonna follow me" and turns to her FB, then walks to the corner of the guy and he follows her. That must be why she sorta-of not-really broke things off with him, since he wasn't the dominating one. She obviously wants me to see her pre-selection among guys, too.

I try to get back talking to R, everyone standing up now, and Thing 1 comes over and tries to grind on me before latching on for like 10 minutes literally begging me to kiss her. She keeps saying "you're really attractivvve" "Huueeee.... quit being a pussy" "kissss meeeee" like straight out of Superbad. I give her a peck on the lips to "satisfy" her and start saying shit like "I don't know how to kiss" "not tonight" you're too fucking drunk! lol" until she finally gives up.

I join back with R and the two other guys and they're actually worried about her now. One guy wants to go home (who's friendzoned with R) and says he's taking R home. R is expressing concern for Thing 1, because we can't find her friends anymore (fucking bitches ditched her) so I try and use plausible deniability and say "we can stay here and make sure she's good" directly to R and not the dudes. Unfortunately this doesn't work mostly because N is being kind of protective but whatever.

Then I see the creepy black dude from earlier getting up on Thing 1's shit, and in a moment of instinct I go "Thing 1! Come here." and grab her arm, and pull her into me. "Where's Thing 2?" She doesn't know so I tell her I'm gonna call her and the bitch ignores my call. I text her to pick up her friend and don't get a reply until 3 am.

I hold on to Thing 1, then the black dude comes up to me like "ohohoahaha I'm just as confused as you guys this is crazy!". NO, you creepy fucking loser, there's nothing crazy about this other than you being that fucking pathetic to try and fuck this wasted chick. I just gave him a stern look, then saw a girl who knows Thing 1, hand her off, and make sure that she's gonna get her home. She agrees.


Finally I leave with N & R and pull R to the side for a second, getting our bodies touching as we walk, and I ask her how our Tinder date was going. She's positive so I ask her if we keep it going for some after-party drinks at my house. She says no, she has to pack for her fall break vacation. I push a little bit more, but then she's really saying no, but after fall break, absolutely yes. I tell her maybe in a teasing fashion and then leave in the direction of my house.

About 30 seconds later it turns out N & R are going the same way as me. I just keep walking to my house, and sent my text to R " Hue ;-* "and slowed down once they started hollering at me from behind. We chat a bit more for 30 seconds and I throw a hail mary and suggest we head in once we arrive to my place, but they keep going. Right before I walk inside R slows down and looks at me, and asks if she'll see me next week. I blow her a flamboyant little kiss and walk in.

She texts me 15 minutes later,

Her: Hi Hue
Her: Still can't believe you went to [place I went to school with N back in the day]
Me: hi R
Me: I can't either with so many weirdos hanging around ;P how's packing going
Her: I'm in bed, so poorly lol
Her: But I think I need at least a nap at this point you know?
Me: lol you tried
Me: lemme know when you want some help
Her: When I want some help?? Help with packing?
Me: yea, packing
Me: or napping, I'm not bad at that either
Her: Well I do need help packing bc I'm not doing it currently. But if you were to come to help I don't think I would pack either!! And I hardly need help with napping.
Her: *Duplicate text*
Her: Although that does sound nice
Me: how about I walk over and we give it a try, and I'll leave if we get too distracted
Her: Mmmmmmm no I don' think you should walk over here!! It's a) like twenty minutes away and b) I rlly have to pack and sleep and I'm fairly sure we'll do neither
Her: And I can't do neither, I have to do both
Her: So next time?? (these three text show her thought process, and the thought process of mental resistance of women pretty well)
Me: well you can take it or leave it, I promised I'd behave ( I did his for a, balls in your court, and use of past tense to act like she already missed her chance)

hour and a half later

Her: Welllll I didn't pack anyway lol whoops

I'm not gonna text her till next week.


*grindstone noise*

 

[Hue]

Last night sucked dick. No one out, and my friend's random roommate followed us around the whole night, I swear this kids got some intellectual disability. We eventually ditched him, but all around just a bogus night. One approach, nothing more than an opener and both of us getting distracted into nothing.

Had coaching with Hector just now.

My Biggest Problem: Show some fucking pizazz. Bring on the weirdness, eccentric shit, and flair. Great social calibration is understanding what average is, and saying fuck that when you need to. Break that frame with a better one. That better one is YOU. Convey your deep personality within the first 5 seconds and know exactly what that is. Peacock your personality. Polarize people with your personality. THAT is what gets you to hook faster, get attraction, and get investment. When YOUR personality POPS out of YOU.

--> Polarize with emotional affect. Bring out your inner shit. You'll find when you need to tone it down more and bring it out more. Once you get good at that, fucking fire.

Let's get weird (;

 

[Hue]

Sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve, other times I don't. When I don't it's usually because I'm trying to hide part of how I feel / am which sometimes doesn't work. When I'm feeling insecure.. that shit shows.


Friday

Cold approached a girl on the outskirts of campus with ruby red hair. No IOI's, asked if she was single --> boyfriend. No reason to persist.

Also set up a date with a girl that I had fireworks with first time I met her. Ping --> Cold Call.

Went out with my friends to another dead-zone campus bar scene night. We were at a rooftop bar and I got opened by two girls who looked really young. They were drunk and couldn't find the lighter to the cigs we were going to smoke. When they finally got it I asked where they went to high school, and what year they were.. they responded like "when did we graduate? ummm 2013?" and it seemed pretty off. That, plus how young they looked, plus how most college students are out of town this weekend made me assume they are likely still in high school. I left back to my friends, because of lack of interest to bang drunk high schoolers.

At one point I get called a sex addict by my friend. Fucking reputation dude. I don't even bang enough chicks to be a sex addict, but that's how rumors swirl I guess.

Saturday

Bad night.

I woke up feeling like I'm not enough. Not a great start to the day.

Went to work and flirted with the new co worker for fun. She's not attractive enough to bang, but I basically flirt with all my coworkers to see how quickly / different ways I can get them attracted.

I got off early, and sent this quick text to that girl: "hey [girl] looks like I got off early, when you thinking you're done with dinner?" as a ping. No answer. I got flaked on. This might have been a). unrelated to the text or b). because the text comes off as "hey, when are you free? because I'm as soon as you are we should meet up, I'm chasing you."

Then I get a text from my natural buddy about bottle service at a club. Haven't been downtown in a while, let's fucking go.
I actually gave myself a peptalk before heading out. Left my house dressed and feeling like a boss.

There's some small parties my neighbors are having so I pop in and mingle before my friend picks me up.


I get in the car with two natural kids, the one who's not my buddy has crazy good fundamentals. Once downtown we go to another bar to wait for the kid who's buy bottle service. Let's call my friend Z. The buddy, let's call him S, get's opened by a 7 redhead, who asks him if he has a girlfriend. This chick wasn't even that drunk, and just throws herself at this guy. My buddy and I wingman for the kid, my friend doing most of the work though. Oddly enough the girl was staring and smiling at me more than Z, even though I wasn't saying much. S just got a girlfriend who he's trying to commit to and you can see the internal battle going on in his head. The girl's friends come up and show us IOI's, but none of them are that hot. We didn't speak.

Z and I move over a tad and the girl tries to kiss S. I'm dumbfounded. How the fuck does this kid do it? He hadn't been there for 3 minutes, and this hot girl is literally telling him to fuck her.

We eventually leave and banter about what happened with S, who's embarrassed. I joke and say I'm on the devil on the shoulder, fucking bang her, because this girl won't find out, and Z is being the angel saying don't bang her, reserve yourself.

We move into the club and it's mostly dead, and I'm introduced to three guys who have bottle service. One guy I shake his hand, instead of dapping him up, and he's weirded out I didn't dap him up. Okay? Here's me dapping you up fella.

I start to try and get to know the host, who's having his 22nd birthday here. The guys not totally open, but we have some good light banter anyway. Our waiter is in the rap club, which I think is fucking awesome he's working here now. We catch up a tad and it's fun. I'm starting to get in a better mood.

Z leaves to smoke a cigarette. S asks me to explain what happened with the girl, and I do my best to portray what happened. Before I finish, I lose the focused attention of the 3 guys. S then takes over and tells the rest of the story. So I guess I did a shitty job of telling it.

A few moments later I'm talking directly to S about this girlfriend he's into and find out he's banged 100+ girls, lost count, and this new girl is some really hot 19 y/o. He's used to girls coming up to him and banging them, he's fucked a couple bad bitches, and some of the strippers where he works as a bouncer. Wow. What a fucking natural.

More people start coming into the club. Some guys that know the host come up and I get introduced. This latino fello and I are talking about Z, and I said some really uncalibrated shit. It was something like "yea you're basically a lil bitch when you hang out with this kid, he'll be driving like 10 deep, and then suddenly pop an oxy".

The last part I got some laughs from most, the first part, fuck no. Uh uh. The guy's body language changed immensely because it was akin to me calling him a little bitch. Then I try to keep up the conversation with these two guys after Z leaves and they leave. That really made me feel off. After this I simply feel out of my element, being at a club surrounded by adults 20-40 and just being some college kid.

Z and S dropped out of college, and don't do anything but work and party. They're earning degrees in socializing, while I double major in Psychology and Life. I noticed the difference and began comparing myself to them, pushing me further out of my element.

We go back and Z starts macking on some girls. To make things even better I accidentally spill my drink a tiny bit on one of them, and the girl starts asking me to apologize. I don't.

I sit down to one of S's friends and we talk about rap, us both being freestyle rappers. But the guy isn't investing all that much in the conversation. At this point I'm questioning the shit out of myself. Why am I having this effect on people?

The music starts getting better and I dance a little bit. S takes a snapchat video and goes "turn it up!" and I do a dance move that most think is pretty funny. My friend from the rap club comes back and we agree that, if the club isn't too busy by closing time, he'll join me and the other kid in a cypher. At this point I'm starting to feel back into it, but after this crash and burn.

The girls Z is talking with take a huge picture, and Z tries to include me, but I get snubbed out of the photo, twice. I talk to S again and ask if he's doing good with the holding himself back with the girls, since now he's more drunk. He doesn't hear me say anything other than "are you good?" and turns to his friend and starts making fun of me.

S: Yo Hue just asked me if I'm good.
Friend: Haha, you good?
S: *sarcastically* Yea, are you good?
Friend: NO!!! HAHAHA

Then I go back to questioning myself. Usually when I get to feeling out of it / anxious / whatever, it's a storm before the sky clears. Like here. This is a really fucking long storm.

I eventually open this girl who gives me a positive response but isn't talking to me directly. Not interested. I leave to smoke a cig with Z and he says something about me being a liability. I'm doing that fucking bad? I leave.

I went home and slept it off. Now I'm writing this, with an exam tomorrow, feeling like shit.


It's been a full week of going out. Mon-Sat. I need some rest.


EDIT: NOTE TO MYSELF

This reads like a need for attention. Every time I felt less secure was a direct result of me not getting the attention I wanted. That's fucking gross. Meditate on this. Stop doing shit for other people's approval. No fucking wonder this cyclic nature is ever continuing. I can't fucking please everyone. I can't fulfill other people's expectations. I CAN fulfill MY EXPECTATIONS. I've known this. Stop falling back into these silly patterns that reap 0 benefit.


At least there's this, from R.

R: Hi, what are you up to Monday night?
Me: hey, well, after class I'll be getting a drink with you
R: Cool when do you get out of class? [this made me realize my texts to the girl earlier come off as too eager]
Me: 5, but we'll grab a drink around 8 ;P
R: Perfect, you have a place in mind?
Me: [bar], you ever been?
R: I have been! It's the bomb. Won't it be weird at 8 on a Monday tho?!
Me: we'll have to find out! if it is, it's not like we can't walk elsewhere
R: That's an excellent point, sounds good Hue
Me: See you Monday ;-*

 

[Hue]

Just saw a video of myself last night from my natural buddy, who wants to chill again next weekend.

Honestly 90% of this shit is in my head.

Really gotta get over myself.

 

[Hue]

Okay, re-analysis of what happened.

When I succeed or fail at some kind of goal, it amplifies whether I'm low self-esteem or too high self-esteem.

Success
If I'm too high self-esteem and I succeed, that obviously raises my self-esteem higher.

When I'm low self-esteem and succeed, I feel as though what I have done wasn't because of me or that I don't deserve it, making me view myself as a facade.

Failure
If I'm low self-esteem and I fail, that obviously makes things worse.

When I'm too high self-esteem and I fail, that actually makes me cling to my ego more, in a desperate attempt to preserve that image. I start bragging. I start projecting. That IS me putting on a facade.


Both can be very unattractive, but that's not what is really important with the matter. By behaving in the way I am^ it creates high stress, emotional rollercoasters, and blunted progress. When the issue blocking a stable self-esteem isn't resolved, there is no stability. It's a back and forth of high and low. Over the past few days, that back and forth fluctuated rapidly.


This sequence of events occurred.

- It's been about 5 months of me living alone, while burning the candle at both ends (party party party, work work work)

- I've not been getting the reactions of wanted from people (as described in the EDIT two posts up.

- A couple of my friends have noticed my emotional instability / self-esteem being rocky and have been more flaky as of recent, and this bothered me.(AKA I wasn't getting the attention I wanted from them)

- Pussy / Self Improvement has been on my mind almost nonstop. Complete obsession.

- I get called a sex addict.

- I get moved up a "rank" in the forums.

- I've gotten drunk every day of the week besides today.

- Hector said some red pill shit to me in the coaching session and it hurt my self-esteem.

- This girl (who for once in a long time, I was really into - like heart pounding when we spoke) flaked on me.

- I meet up with two naturals who are WAY better than I am.


This all compounds into me desperately and obsessively trying to save my self-image and fixate it. Which is silly, as this is and will be ever changing.

Again, I found myself running away from myself.

Hector's Genuine Man series describes using the armor of arrogance. And your skin being your confidence. I'm gonna steal the metaphor for a quick sec. Not sure if I'm subconsciously presenting something I've already read, but:

I had been parading around in my armor, but the continuous events that occurred served as a piercing arrow through that armor, and into my skin. I still had the armor on, but was bleeding inside. Rather than heal the wound, I just kept going to battle in the field. By the end I can barely fight properly and am swinging my sword belligerently. I had low blood supply and was becoming delirious. lol I'm not trying to be too dramatic here, but that's how I see it.


Basically I need to really focus on calming my emotions, and keep an eye on my self image.
That means: doing all the shit (specific goals) I described in another recent post of heavy emotional upset.

I was thinking about my "In My Element" FR and it more or less came down to being able to make a rapid connection with people. Being in-state. Having inner game. I've heard and read multiple times that inner-game is 90% of game. It makes complete sense, women being able to read whether your confidence is real or fake. "It's all about confidence", is true as fuck.

I'm not confident, in this moment.

But, the more I let thoughts come to me, the more my thoughts crystallize, the closer I feel to it.


Just an hour ago I was flirting with my co-worker (she's got a bf, who also works there though), and I felt a whisk of that connection I describe in my "In My Element" FR. THAT. That is what I want, and is what I'm missing in my abilities. And I don't know it's possible unless you are comfortable in the environment you're in or in you're own skin.

So, while I'll still try and focus on adding some pizazz to my social interactions, self-esteem is my next project to focus on. STABLE self-esteem, that is.

 

[Hue]

Well, I feel much better. The racing thoughts have stopped. Such an internal rebound effect hasn't happened in a while. Tired though.


Less campus bars. More adult bars downtown. Finna cut my teeth with some bigger fish and see how it goes.


Monday

Exam
Work Out Biceps and Shoulders
Date with R
Edit Videos
Study for exam

Tuesday

Class
Submit muthafuckin research project
Research Lab
Work Out Legs
Study for exam

Wednesday

Get financials handled
Work Out Chest
Read
Class
Study for exam

Thursday

Class
Exam
Research Lab
Work Out Core
Meet up with classmates
Go out with navy seal friend

Friday

Work Out Legs
Read
Work
Go Out, Older People bars

Saturday

Go for a run
Mall game
Day bars with frat friends (Go for day-game bar pull, try E, M, and O)
~~~We'll see~~~

Sunday

Read
Rest
Work