November 2017 Summary
Need to get my mind off this model chick. My ego is still polarizing, but I think compared to October I have a little more moderate of fluctuations.
Had to do this anyways, but now seems like a good time to post the monthly summary.
Diet: Same diet plan. Continue carb cycling. Up calorie intake you skinny ninny. Come to work full, so that you're still productive and don't feel the need to snack. If a customer order get's fucked up, offer it to your other coworkers and / or box it up and take it home. Looks for for management too if you want that promotion.
6 - About the same as last month. Failed to up calorie intake. I do feel healthier and overall more stable - which could be a possible result of my biome in my gut giving me the benefits. It's been a few months of eating differently and drinking less. Looking forward to what this will look like moving forward. Still need to remove sweets and red meat though, I ate some for the holidays / wedding I went to / drunk food.
Money: 40$ a week still. Talk to dad about opening a savings account.
5 - Dad is down for the saving's account. My bank is stable and growing, but the 40$ a week thing didn't happen religiously. I did cut spending a lot because I've been drinking less. Didn't track the numbers though.
Exercise: Switched to the alphalion aesthetic workout. Just started so I can't say much yet. If you have a day that working out is scheduled, pick the exact time you're gonna do it. It might be late, it might be early, but do it.
5 - Didn't improve from what I did last month, other than trying out new workouts and returning to the basics to make sure my form was really good before upping weight. I feel stronger, though.
School: Fucking lock yourself in the study building every Monday and Wednesday. That's the only way this shit is gonna work. Make a it regular habit.
3 - Didn't improve. Instead of locking myself in the study building I overslept and worked out instead.
Work: 5-10 attempts per shift to engage customers in conversation. Start with that.
6 - Didn't go out of my way to engage customers 5-10 times a shift (sometimes out of laziness, sometimes out of business), but I did start mixing up the way I talk to them with less canned lines and more *magical* small talk. Tips have gotten better, too. I'll come as the last closer and make more money than the closers who got there earlier.
Drinking: Waters. Waters. Waters. Every drink, "and a water". Stop drinking after 1:00 - 1:30 unless it's an after party. You're not getting much out of those drinks anyways, you're already drunk stupid.
7 - I drink less, and I ask for waters. Also went out to the bar sober a couple times. The only time I really had a regretful time from drinking too much was two weeks ago because I didn't bang Thing 2.
32/50 = 64%. For this month, and moving forward, 0 = I lost use of X, 5 = neutral (no change), 10 = tremendous growth.
No improvement of score, but still improvement in general. If you're not going forward, you're going backward, they say. And if you're staying the same, the rest of the world is moving ahead of you. Next month I need to outdo my scores, and am for consistent 75%-85%'s.
Beginning of the month I had set up some Tinder dates, and I forgot to write out a report of one of the conversations. I actually matched with my friends little sister, had everything ready to go with her coming over, then realized it was her like 3 hours before the date, freaked out and canceled lol. Close call. The other girl flaked.
Then I had a super rough night, partly because I wasn't in a mood to go out / was kind of out of it, and possibly missed a great opportunity with two hot girls who opened me. After wrestling with it I concluded that since they opened me with high interest that wittled down to no interest, my fundamentals were tight but my game was not, then the incongruency of the whole situation made them skeptical and bail out.
I know Chase says that you should go out even when you're not feeling it, but I believe this is a different kind of thing. Like, if
you're afraid to go out, then fuck you, go out. Face your fears.
If you're tired and not in the right mental state, maybe stay home and work on a project instead. Don't waste time and money at the bars when it's probably not gonna click for you that night. I feel experienced enough with the bar scene to say this confidently.
Then idk exactly why (possibly because we were talking about psychopathy in one of my classes, psychopathy was brought up on the boards, and there was that "antisocial, narcissistic seducer" article on the main page, but I kind of got in this "
I need to find a sociopath! hunt. I had, (and, still low key do) wanted to meet a sociopath / identify a sociopath, so that I had the experience with one and knew what their behaviors looked like with my own eyes. Almost got carried away with it by being a high skeptic of one of my closest friends (charming, manipulative, selfish) and with one of my dealer friends. If I catch a vibe / find a pattern, then keep these people at an arm's length. That's all. There's no need for "war" or anything.
Oh yea and then my formal natural friend / wingman went a little crazy on his birthday and let his narcissism show. Definitely got him at an arm's length. He's fit's the "aryan" description, and apparently thinks he's superior because of that. I also fit the description (tall, blonde, blue eyes) so maybe that's what he meant when he talked about "guys like us" at parties sometimes. Idk. I'll hang with him over winter break and see how he's doing. No need to burn bridges if he's not burning mine for me.
I left my house feeling something strange, yet familiar at the same time. A homeless man approached me saying nothing but "sorry". A cop looked down with a depressed look on his face. The sky was grey and turning darker. I felt afraid of the world, yet ready to defend myself from it - even though I wasn't experiencing any actual danger. Very peculiar.
Still can't put my finger on exactly what this feeling was. It was almost like.. a part of me that was dormant for a long time woke up. I felt in control and aware of my surroundings, but at the same time felt like the world was just a fucked up place. Kind of like, "I'm alone, and that's okay".
Ironically right after that I meet the
girl of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, cocky, funny, and into the same music and field of study as me. Checkity check check. I was waking up to a bunch of things, like how women are women are women, and how even the prettiest girls are just like the normal ones, and human behavior is actually more predictable than some make it out to be (with study and practice) - but as I'm writing this, it's somewhat clear to me that I haven't actually internalized these things yet. I'll have to forge these into my frame and outlook if I want to be able to hold my shit together when I cross paths with a girl like this in the future.
When I found out she was a model, I initially became insecure. What does this say? It says that I'm not secure enough in myself to think I could date a model. Her value skyrocketed, leaving my understanding of my value in the dust. I did my best to shake it off, and I actually did an okay job of doing this through mediation! I didn't let her (a dominating girl) dominate me and got a date set up. I thought before I spoke and things seemed up. But then the reality of her impossible schedule set in, and I think attraction started to fade, on top of the more recent situation with the creepy guy on instagram and her. It's okay. She's not the only girl like this. It's alright that you can't have your unicorn yet. By the time you can, you won't even see her that way. Hold onto this.
I've noticed that when a girl I'm really into tests my frame (intentionally or not) it actually makes me go back and question a shit ton of what I've learned on here. It's like the typical moral outlook that most people have come back to me. Then I start to question my actions, I feel manipulative, selfish, calculated, morally corrupt, etc.
This is part of ego fighting back. The ego says, "you're fine where you are. change? that's weird, that's bad, that's ugly, don't do that!". You need your ego too, but you have to learn to wield the ego properly. It's a strange animal, and hard to control.
I have to remind myself that (for the most part) I'm adopting a set of attitudes and traits that will not only benefit me, but allow me to connect and build with others! I'm trying to build myself as a man and develop leadership traits. This will in turn, make me enemies too, and land me in many disagreements (especially since some of these changes are seen as "radical", even though their efficacious).
This girl tested my frame, and my frame was not strong enough. Back to work.
In line today, I felt the urge to approach this girl standing in front of me, a brunette with a nice ass. I slithered on over to the other counter to "look at some protein shakes" and get a look at her face. She had a weird mouth :/ didn't approach. Called the cashier with a visible nametag by her first name as if we were friends, and briefly asked how her day was going. That was an enjoyable moment, despite how insignificant it was.
remember having an in-state feeling when I asked a girl to borrow her charger in between a study session. Just my tone and body language got a great response from her. Hard to describe why.
I had approach addiction during studying, that was cool. I felt like I was just channeling some kind of energy that just glowed about me. When I go out for cold approaches I will try to zone in on that feeling / energy.
Sexual frame
She'll soon be taking the psychology of sex, and I asked if that was about gender, or.. about.. sex. And she said it's about interpersonal relationships. I was gazing her a moderate amount at this point. I said "oh you gonna be hitting on your classmates, Purple?" and she laughed and said she didn't know. I just said "hey.. if there's a cute boy sitting next to you.. anything could happen".
Chase frame
She likes astrology, and is telling me about the planetarium, adding that the telescope were really highly powered to anything she'd had before (lol now I'm thinking of another), so I go "oh do you have your own telescope?" and she has one at home. I go, "okay Purple, just don't be watching me change too much (; " and she giggled a lot.
Good experience with Purple. She was pretty boring though. Not worth the pursuit.
Me: When you done with exams?
Her: You mean like.. just the midterms?
Me: Yea the one's infront of you.
Her: I think this Thursday around 4
Me: You drink coffee?
Her: Yea
Me: Well we'll be getting coffee then
Her:
okay, sure
Me: You ever been to [coffee shop?]
Her: No, I haven't!
Me: First time for everything
Her: Haha. Oh. That's true
I'm gonna use this one again.
I'd never received so many IOI's being out and about in the daytime. Ton's of chicks were checking me out. I asked two girls for directions and they both got really nervous smiling and after pointing me in the right direction started walking with me and asking questions about me. Confidence was high to say the least. This might have something to do with a growing understanding that girls are girls are girls are girls. And some changes in fundamentals.
That energy / glow that I was talking about.. the next day I just HAD IT. Like the day before I would
let it come out. The next day it was just THERE. So cool. I shouldn't have gotten so drunk that night, and had gone and approached girls before it was night time actually. Something I'll try and do in the future. Only shitty thing is winter is coming up but that doesn't mean I can't go to the mall.
Date with Purple got my "dating-gears" turning again so even though it didn't end in sex it was a good warm up with women.
At one point a hotter girl HB8, purple is a HB7, came up to our table and asked her what drink she had. I turn to her and address it, it's a tequila sunrise, and saw some very strange body language from her. Like she saw me and almost went *gulp* before turning back to the girl and being like "it just looked really good, I had to know" (she actually ignored me
I still wonder what this was. Purple seemed nervous after I sat down (meaning my fundamentals were probably on point, so I'm thinking this HB8 was like "that guy looks hot, I'm gonna go see what's going on over here", then did, and I immediately addressed her so it might have even spooked her a bit. My demeanor might have been a little "fuck-offish" come to think of it.
Started kissing girls I know on the cheek the moment I see them at the bar. Gonna keep doing this. Used to do it at my old school, but now I feel comfortable enough here to bring that out.
I see this tall ass chick (probably about 6'4") and decide hey, this could be interesting, and walk up to her after getting some IOI's. We are practically doing the same thing, she's 25 and counseling addicts because of her family history with addiction, and I relate it to my internship in understanding how the clients could be some bum off the street sitting next to a successful businessman who got hooked because of prescription drugs, its the same dynamics, and we are all only human despite external differences. This captures her pretty damn well, most likely because it was genuine. She's also only here for the night and staying with a friend. She actually lives a few states away.
I hooked this chick pretty quickly. Come to think of it, I've had a much better hook-ratio with older women than younger. Maybe that's because they're more polite, or maybe it's because they're more experienced? A younger girl doesn't totally know what to do with being approached / thinks most guys approaching won't be smooth, where as an older woman knows how to handle being approached, what being approached actually means, and wants to test the waters of the guy their with.
If a girls friends leave her with you shortly after you approached, that is A STROBING GREEN LIGHT. Be cool, do you stuff. They want you to be a dominant cool guy, lead their friend and fuck her. Move faster when this happens.
My friend's ex girlfriend (who is now banging his former "best friend" [yea fucking right] ) was all over my dick at my roommates party. And her boyfriend was getting jealous once we started getting physical. She's a solid 7, and I'd totally bend her over if he wasn't there. At one point he sat down next to us, like "hey, what are you guys talking about??" and gave me a death stare. Clearly perceived me as a threat. Nice bro, you stole you best friends girlfriend, lost him as a friend, and now can't even keep this bitch under control. Tight.
These hoes ain't loyal.
I suggest we go to my buddy's "afterparty" and that we can hang out at my house first. She's down, and I pull her closer saying okay let's get out of here. She tell's me I'm trouble and I can feel the arousal fighting the ASD. Then she pulls out her phone to get my number, saying she has to figure out things with her friends first. I tell her she can call them, that she's with me and it's fine, I only live a few blocks away. But then she says that they have her car, and she needs a ride home from them later. I still say that's okay just let them know what you're doing.
Stupidly, I agree to let her "go to the bathroom" while I say bye to my friends. Then I lose her and hop around with different groups of people. I find her again and she's all like "where were you???" and looks upset. I get introduced to her friends (all dudes) and befriend them. It's one of their birthday's so it wasn't incredibly hard. But then when I try to make moves again with the girl this latino dude starts to cockblock me in a friendly way by making a physical barrier between us while talking to me, but it was obvious to me that it was intentional.
If you've got a girl giving you bullshit excuses, at least try to find an alternative solution / a way around it / persist through it. I would have banged this chick that night with how much I had her turned on. But then I let her logical brain start going at it and boom, now she's netted with her friends. Luckily I'm texting her right now and she's coming over Friday, but still.
Once all the girls leave, I see a woman with great style, cool hair, and approach her. I just flat out tell her, "hey, I saw you from over there and thought the aesthetic of your hair and clothes was pretty sweet, so I had to come say hi". She's flattered and we chat a little bit and exchange names. She introduces me to her friend who quickly leaves us alone. Then SHE suggests that we move to a table. I take charge and pick it out. Deep diving goes well, she's working in marketing and shares a love for psychology. I chase frame her asking if she's just pulling marketing tricks on me right now to get me into her. All good, but then she asks how old I am. I take Richard's advice and ignore it saying that's not important, which she likes. But then a few minutes later she brings it up again and I'm 21 she's 25. I go, "cool". Then go back to what we were talking about.
I think I'm ready for "older people bars". I'll be going there over winter break.
She starts to bring up how she was tied up at all posts of the bed, and the only words she were allowed to say were "yes" and "no", and I brush her tits with my arm. Then she tells me to grab her tits. I grab her left boob and go "ooo, very nice". She says that's the small one, so I grab both her tits, saying "oh, you can tell a difference?". Great tits. Lmao this probably looked insane to anyone watching. Hahahaha, fuck.
Sex isn't a big deal. Don't act like it's one. AKA don't act like feeling some chick up when your drunk is a big deal, it's not.
Yea dude, really makes you think about what is possible. Social expectations, eat a dick.
+100. Might start saying this to myself in the mirror every morning.
I felt my cockiness start to peak out after getting two new lays back-to-back days. Still haven't found a way to temper this other than letting it explode. What is good, as I mentioned at the beginning of this, is that the 'explosions' or fluctuations of ego are seeming to become smaller, as I get closer to what confidence is.
The pedestal would resemble one's self-actualization. With self-actualization, the other legs of the table don't demand as much stress, if any stress at all. To create a strong pedestal, one has to build a strong foundation, use good materials to build upward, and take their time to chip away and sculpt. By doing this, the need of the other tables are no longer required for emotional stability, and the stability comes from oneself. This is not to say the legs should be ignored, just not relied on.
I suggest you identify the core idea of what you think will bring you satisfaction. Whatever qualia that thing possesses, I guarantee there are alternative methods of grasping it.
I can only build if I tear the walls down.
Since I never made a monthly goal for November, I'll use October's:
I want at least 2 new lays, and at least 3 dates.
4 new lays, 3 dates. 2 of them were insta-lays, bonus points.
Shit-tests, Plausible Deniability, Being able to walk away
LR: Asian with the Hidden Titties
Moving quickly, Plausible Deniability, Qualifying
LR: Insta-lay after class
Breaking Last Minute Resistance, Building Connection, Work-Romance
LR: "I have a rule"
Plus a lay that didn't have a LR because it was simply me getting booty called by a friend from my old school --> meet her at the bar --> take her home. Too easy.
December goals coming soon. Time for finals. I needed to write this out to clear my head though. Since I started about an hour ago it's been therapeutic.
