How do I not look like a nerd?

[Hydra™]

I've recently started at University and a few people have told me that I look "nerdy, studious, smart, very serious about life" and I can't figure out what about me could be conveying that.

I don't wear glasses (I used to but lost them before my first day. Thankfully my eyesight isn't bad enough to not be able to function without them but regardless, I'm gonna get contacts now anyway). I have medium-length messy hair i.e. if I put it on my face it reaches my chin, I have it pulled back most of the time. My face is pretty square-shaped with a relatively sharp jaw (couple years of mewing). I don't dress nerdy at all, I'm probably better dressed than a majority of the guys at Uni (who just do the most basic t-shirt and blue jeans combo). I always rock a couple of bracelets and rings, try to do the sexy walk, move slowly and be relaxed.

The only thing nerdy about me that I can think of is my major which is CompSci, but that can't be it.

Any ideas on what it could be and how can I change it?

 

[theReason]

Read paragraphs 2 & 3 of this post

https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...fessional-pics-training-etc.27806/post-164237

And then, just in case you’re wondering if POB knows what he’s talking about, you can read this report:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/redhead-dj-and-crossfit-beauty.28792/

And if this sells you on the idea of using the way people already perceive you (and amplifying it) as a means of getting laid, read this article:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/the-guide-to-getting-hot-girls-of-any-type.16214/

And if changing your image at all gives you anxiety, read this article:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/when-and-how-much-should-you-polarize.10206/

 

[POB]

Any ideas on what it could be and how can I change it?

Post some pictures of the styles you like, preferaby with dudes who have a similar structure as yourself (facial features/body type).
Let the other guys comment.

 

[POB]

P.S. Welcome to the boards!

 

[KJ Francis]

Yeah when you say compared to other guys who wear t-shirts and jeans, what do you wear then? Buttonup shirts?

Are these guys or girls commenting? Maybe compared to them you, "serious about life" really just looks "mature".

If it's coming from a guy who only wears hoodies and neglects his studies to drink and watch the game, there could be an element of envy towards your potential for success, so you could be a threat to their insecurity and ripe for light bullying. So long as you're not boring to be around, this may not necessarily be a negative in the eyes of women if you are giving off signs of being higher status than the average freshman. Especially if you actively focus on fundamentals like walking, this could make you a bit of a target for teases by other teen boys. Remember girls like men, not teenage boys.

 

[KJ Francis]

Otherwise it could be facial expressions. Lack of smile, focused intensity, etc.

 

[TwoNameGame]

I wear glasses and always participate in class. I am rarely called a nerd because of my style (rocker, 90's street kid, old money). It's easy for me slip into the role of vintage or mature without being nerdy. Similarly, I have strong eye contact and a firm voice, so people default to assuming I am a social prep.

The one time I was called 'studious' was when I dressed smart but not old money, and talked too much about majors as a way to probe for interests and values.

My advice: carry yourself with more swagger (you'll pick it up if you go to the gym often or get a sexy walk), use different facial expressions (ex. Devil-may-care), and dress stylishly with a given Archetype (ex. I wear baggy jeans and simple shirts with a 90's vibe to look laid back but not lazy like most guys, or pair jeans and shirts with a cool jacket and shoes to look cool, or pair polo's with loafers and short to look rich yet playful).

 

[Hydra™]

Read paragraphs 2 & 3 of this post

https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...fessional-pics-training-etc.27806/post-164237

And then, just in case you’re wondering if POB knows what he’s talking about, you can read this report:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/redhead-dj-and-crossfit-beauty.28792/

And if this sells you on the idea of using the way people already perceive you (and amplifying it) as a means of getting laid, read this article:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/the-guide-to-getting-hot-girls-of-any-type.16214/

And if changing your image at all gives you anxiety, read this article:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/when-and-how-much-should-you-polarize.10206/

Thanks! Read all of the links. I'm gonna need to spend a lot of time with the kind of girls I like (which are abundant in my Uni, thankfully) to figure out what they like and become that. I'm assuming it's not nerdy guys though =p Working on fundamentals in the meantime.

Polarizing sounds great. I've always hated being average and being like every other guy (partly why I put effort in my clothing and image) and since Winter is Coming (ha ha) I can get some cool outlandish jackets and other peacocking items.

Post some pictures of the styles you like, preferaby with dudes who have a similar structure as yourself (facial features/body type).

I don't know if instagram links are allowed but this guy in this reel nicely emulates the kind of aesthetic and style I try to go for. We have a similar build, facial features, hair, and race (both south asian). He may or may not be taller though (I'm 5'10).

Kunal Ahlawat on Instagram: "Lemme be your fictional character tonight . . . . . . #instadaily #instagood #viral #fiction #trending #foryou #fyp"

252K likes, 1,560 comments - _kunalahlawat on August 1, 2024: "Lemme be your fictional character tonight . . . . . . #instadaily #instagood #viral #fiction #trending #foryou #fyp".

www.instagram.com

I go for light-colored/old-money type of clothing but I also pair black jeans with a light shirt or vice versa and sometimes do all-black, and alternate between button-ups and t-shirts. Gonna get some nice polos soon. With both shirts and t-shirts I've been tucking them in kind of loosely (like the guy in the reel), I feel that it looks better and makes me stand out a bit. Not a huge fan of blue jeans so my pants are mostly light colored (beige) or black/white. And I wear cotton and denim pants.

Pictures:

https://imgur.com/a/fwtZVb9

what do you wear then? Buttonup shirts?

See above ^

Are these guys or girls commenting? Maybe compared to them you, "serious about life" really just looks "mature".

If it's coming from a guy who only wears hoodies and neglects his studies to drink and watch the game, there could be an element of envy towards your potential for success, so you could be a threat to their insecurity and ripe for light bullying. So long as you're not boring to be around, this may not necessarily be a negative in the eyes of women if you are giving off signs of being higher status than the average freshman. Especially if you actively focus on fundamentals like walking, this could make you a bit of a target for teases by other teen boys. Remember girls like men, not teenage boys.

So far only guys. It just came up naturally in conversation and I asked them about it. The guy who said "serious and studious" is apparently a bit of a playboy (as he told me) and his fashion was pretty good imo. It wasn't jealousy or bullying.

Otherwise it could be facial expressions. Lack of smile, focused intensity, etc.

Yeah if its not face, hair or clothes then definitely something about the vibe.

My advice: carry yourself with more swagger (you'll pick it up if you go to the gym often or get a sexy walk), use different facial expressions (ex. Devil-may-care)

Yeah, gym and expressions is my top priority right now.

 

[emily656]

Dude, maybe it's your posture. How do you move? Maybe you're a bit too stiff? Try smiling more, making eye contact. And don't forget about body language - open gestures, hands at your sides, it all makes a difference. As for your outfit, maybe try a more relaxed style? Instead of all those bracelets and rings, maybe a cool graphic tee and ripped jeans?

 

[Hydra™]

Dude, maybe it's your posture. How do you move? Maybe you're a bit too stiff? Try smiling more, making eye contact. And don't forget about body language - open gestures, hands at your sides, it all makes a difference. As for your outfit, maybe try a more relaxed style? Instead of all those bracelets and rings, maybe a cool graphic tee and ripped jeans?

I could smile more, yeah. Eye contact is mostly fine and I make a very conscious effort to not cross my arms ever. And as I said I'm practicing the sexy walk and being relaxed and comfortable.

graphic tee and jeans is not really my thing. Its probably not very sexy either

 

[Will_V]

So far only guys. It just came up naturally in conversation and I asked them about it. The guy who said "serious and studious" is apparently a bit of a playboy (as he told me) and his fashion was pretty good imo. It wasn't jealousy or bullying.

Did they say you specifically that you look nerdy or just seem nerdy in general?

If someone comments about your appearance in a conversation, it'll usually come up in a particular context.

My sense is that it's your body language coming off as nerdy - maybe you seem a bit too stiff, in your head, or with closed off body language.

One of the main things that makes someone seem nerdy is lack of subcommunication. Extroverted people are always subcommunicating - expressing outward - to the world around them, whereas introverted people are often too busy absorbing and processing information, and sort of forget to express anything.

 

[FAB DRONES]

I think the key is that you lost your glasses. When you’re wearing your glasses, no one feels the need to call you out for being a nerd.

 

[FAB DRONES]

Once when I was saying, oh I’m not wearing glasses cuz I don’t wanna look like a nerd to my friend at work, and the cool guy happened to be passing by, and said, too late. Lol. Fwiw

 

[KJ Francis]

Thanks! Read all of the links. I'm gonna need to spend a lot of time with the kind of girls I like (which are abundant in my Uni, thankfully) to figure out what they like and become that. I'm assuming it's not nerdy guys though =p Working on fundamentals in the meantime.

Polarizing sounds great. I've always hated being average and being like every other guy (partly why I put effort in my clothing and image) and since Winter is Coming (ha ha) I can get some cool outlandish jackets and other peacocking items.


I don't know if instagram links are allowed but this guy in this reel nicely emulates the kind of aesthetic and style I try to go for. We have a similar build, facial features, hair, and race (both south asian). He may or may not be taller though (I'm 5'10).

Kunal Ahlawat on Instagram: "Lemme be your fictional character tonight . . . . . . #instadaily #instagood #viral #fiction #trending #foryou #fyp"

252K likes, 1,560 comments - _kunalahlawat on August 1, 2024: "Lemme be your fictional character tonight . . . . . . #instadaily #instagood #viral #fiction #trending #foryou #fyp".

www.instagram.com

I go for light-colored/old-money type of clothing but I also pair black jeans with a light shirt or vice versa and sometimes do all-black, and alternate between button-ups and t-shirts. Gonna get some nice polos soon. With both shirts and t-shirts I've been tucking them in kind of loosely (like the guy in the reel), I feel that it looks better and makes me stand out a bit. Not a huge fan of blue jeans so my pants are mostly light colored (beige) or black/white. And I wear cotton and denim pants.

Pictures:

https://imgur.com/a/fwtZVb9

See above ^



So far only guys. It just came up naturally in conversation and I asked them about it. The guy who said "serious and studious" is apparently a bit of a playboy (as he told me) and his fashion was pretty good imo. It wasn't jealousy or bullying.



Yeah if its not face, hair or clothes then definitely something about the vibe.

Yeah, gym and expressions is my top priority right now.

Ah ok, so the vibe I am getting from the photos is like "trad" (traditional) on a warm-weather vacation. So you have like a mix of preppy 'university stripe' oxfords, super light tan pants for the yacht.

It seems a little more linen shirt vacation style, and a little less of the Sperry Top-Sider boat shoes and blazer look... but it is still sort of preppy-adjacent. Meaning it lives a bit in the realm of the repp tie... (this is the striped tie worn in prep-school environments.... see Angus Young in AC/DC... sort of a military thing... in the UK they wear it heart-to-sword, meaning left shoulder angling down to the right hand. USA wears it backwards direction). Trad clothing is in essence a "uniform" from academy environments, which is conformist and the opposite of bad-boy style (ripped black fabric, outcast/rebel).

So anyways, the guy in the instagram is offsetting this grown-man style with sexual vibe. If you are a young kid dressing grown, that's cool, but you may want to just make sure you don't come off looking too proper. I see some tucked in shirts in there... It can be done if you are oozing the right vibe, but otherwise you may want to get your shirts hemmed and leave them untucked, for example, and project more of a devil-may-care air about you. The word sprezzatura is used on GC in the context of the law of least effort. The Italian word also can be "used in the context of men’s fashion, where classical outfits are purposefully worn in a way that seem a bit off, as if the pieces of clothing were put on while in a hurry."

 

[Hydra™]

Did they say you specifically that you look nerdy or just seem nerdy in general?

I think I've got a combination of both. I don't remember the exact wording now honestly and I haven't asked more people about this. But recently some guy in my class said I looked studious/nerdy (unprompted, didn't ask about that.) and a senior girl said I looked innocent (I was interviewing for the security team/bouncers at an upcoming event). God this is so annoying.

So you have like a mix of preppy 'university stripe' oxfords, super light tan pants for the yacht.

Pretty much, but none of my shirts are striped. All solid colors.

which is conformist and the opposite of bad-boy style (ripped black fabric, outcast/rebel).

Well dang it. I just got light/old money clothing to stand out a bit (everyone else wears mostly dark average stuff). Black is my favorite color though. I really like black jeans with black sneakers, and pair it with a light shirt loosely tucked in.

Wouldn't it look incongruent/try-hard if I overhaul my wardrobe to more of the bad-boy clothing without fixing my vibe and expressions?

My sense is that it's your body language coming off as nerdy - maybe you seem a bit too stiff, in your head, or with closed off body language.

One of the main things that makes someone seem nerdy is lack of subcommunication. Extroverted people are always subcommunicating - expressing outward - to the world around them, whereas introverted people are often too busy absorbing and processing information, and sort of forget to express anything.

Yeah probably. And yes I'm a giant introvert. A fun weekend for me is being alone in my room reading a great fantasy book (yes that's lame af and no I'm not depressed). Is there a way to improve my subcommunication if I'm not naturally extroverted? Tbh I feel like it's already kinda good considering how people seem to read me rather well. Even aside from the nerd thing (I don't consider myself a nerd. I did use to study a lot and get straight As until about 9th grade which was several years ago), people can usually tell my mood and stuff even when I'm trying to hide it.

but you may want to just make sure you don't come off looking too proper.

I try to do that with a loose tuck, couple opened buttons (not as many as the guy in the reel), rolled up sleeves, jewellery, jeans/sneakers, etc.

project more of a devil-may-care air about you. The word sprezzatura is used on GC in the context of the law of least effort. The Italian word also can be "used in the context of men’s fashion, where classical outfits are purposefully worn in a way that seem a bit off, as if the pieces of clothing were put on while in a hurry."

Yeah I wanna get sprezzatura in my clothing. Sometimes I do wonder if I might be dressing up too much and looking a bit tryhard. Can you link some examples of the clothing/style you're referring to?

 

[FAB DRONES]

if you lost your glasses, find them!

Unless, have any hot girls told you you look better without them?

 

[KJ Francis]

I think if you are following GC dating strategy, dressing a little more edgy would not be incongruent. The idea is a disregard for rules. For example, wearing black in the daytime (outside of athletic gear), ripped fabric, etc. are non-trad. It's greaser/rocker/punk = fuck authority/norms. It's congruent with fast escalation, playboy lifestyle, etc. Black at night can also be done elegantly. Personally I don't since to me personally it comes across as waiter or bartender style (serving staff).

However, I don't think you need to dress more edgy or even should if you personally like the refined style.

I actually think you will stand out in a pretty nice way dressing like what you posted. I would ignore what other young guys you know in person say about it. Maybe not all girls would be into this style. It could screen some out? I don't know. But being a well dressed man wearing classic types of clothes does not sound bad at all. They are classic styles and items that have stood the test of time for a reason.

I guess I meant more like you want to avoid looking like this.

And more like this (which is really just dressing down... More casual shoes, denim, unshaven, good fit, unbuttoned a bit). I think you have the right idea with rolled sleeves, jewelry, etc.

I think the key is really to just retain masculinity. For example, if you are skinny, a polo shirt might look nerdy. The same basic item can look great with an athletic body type like the Daniel Craig examples below.

So yeah, it could just be mannerisms and vibe.. More the stuff Will was saying. If you have good eye contact and are leading women well, etc... Dressing classy might really make them swoon.

 

[Will_V]

I think I've got a combination of both. I don't remember the exact wording now honestly and I haven't asked more people about this. But recently some guy in my class said I looked studious/nerdy (unprompted, didn't ask about that.) and a senior girl said I looked innocent (I was interviewing for the security team/bouncers at an upcoming event). God this is so annoying.

Sounds like your blade is lacking a sharp edge, I think this article will benefit you.

There's another article I think you'll also enjoy, even though I don't think it talks specifically about looking studious/nerdy, the same principles apply.

Yeah probably. And yes I'm a giant introvert. A fun weekend for me is being alone in my room reading a great fantasy book (yes that's lame af and no I'm not depressed). Is there a way to improve my subcommunication if I'm not naturally extroverted? Tbh I feel like it's already kinda good considering how people seem to read me rather well. Even aside from the nerd thing (I don't consider myself a nerd. I did use to study a lot and get straight As until about 9th grade which was several years ago), people can usually tell my mood and stuff even when I'm trying to hide it.

Nothing is lame unless it is lame in your case - is it making you do lame things or behave in lame ways?

I was a bit of a nerd growing up, I read loads of golden-age scifi and fantasy, became a programmer - though I always played sports and did a lot of outdoors stuff as well. When I was a teenager I was pretty socially anxious, and had very little results with girls.

What started to change things was when I went on an exchange program overseas, far from my usual bubble, found myself invited to all sorts of parties, did a bunch of awkward things, got angry and decided to change everything. I started kickboxing, going out every night even if I was by myself, approaching all the time, and pretty soon was getting laid regularly.

Did those things I did, in themselves, make a lasting difference to the way people saw me? I'm not sure, but what it did do was teach me that the world around me, and everything and everyone in it, was something from which the things I wanted could be gotten. If I wanted to win a fight, I could win it. If I wanted to get laid, I could get laid. If I wanted to befriend someone, I could befriend them. If I wanted to win at any game, big or small, it was on the other side of strategy and action.

I believe it's when you have this visceral belief, based on repeated experiences, that most influences someone's first impression of you. Innocence is a function of lack of experience, lack of capability, and lack of knowledge - but most of all, it is lack of will, and you can only will into fruition that which is already near to the lived experience of your capabilities.

Someone who is in the habit of exacting what they want from the world around them, and has done it many times, is not lacking in willpower.

 

[Will_V]

Second article link is broken and won't let me edit, so here it is.

 

[Hydra™]

However, I don't think you need to dress more edgy or even should if you personally like the refined style.

I won't say I really prefer the old-money/refined style. I just like buttoned up shirts (tucked in, ofcourse) and light colors to stand out. But I also really like black clothes, black leather jackets, long(er) hair, jewellery, ear piercings, tattoos and motorcycles, so I may be more drawn towards that edgy/bad-boy aesthetic.

I guess I meant more like you want to avoid looking like this.

Jeez yeah that's bad.

Sounds like your blade is lacking a sharp edge, I think this article will benefit you.

Thanks! This is a great article. I had read it before but just gave it a reread. What I'm having a hard time with is having a purpose that must be bigger than myself to develop that edge. I have goals but they are all about self-improvement (like becoming filthy rich). Should I try to find a purpose or just try to imitate the edge? Additionally I don't understand if a man has that kind of focus on his purpose, why would he even bother with too much personal self-improvement (six pack, seducing beautiful women, wealth) rather than dedicate time to his purpose, like Nikola Tesla.

There's another article I think you'll also enjoy, even though I don't think it talks specifically about looking studious/nerdy, the same principles apply.

I did enjoy this one a lot. Gonna try implement it.

I believe it's when you have this visceral belief, based on repeated experiences, that most influences someone's first impression of you. Innocence is a function of lack of experience, lack of capability, and lack of knowledge - but most of all, it is lack of will, and you can only will into fruition that which is already near to the lived experience of your capabilities.

Someone who is in the habit of exacting what they want from the world around them, and has done it many times, is not lacking in willpower.

I think I'm not too bad in this regard. I'm quite stubborn and consistent and if I set my mind on getting something, I usually get it. It might take me a long time and frustrations but I just don't give up. Only exception is if I logically convince myself over time to stop if the thing I want is legitimately not worth it, and there's something better to go after. This is actually a big part of my self-esteem though like everything, it could be improved.