How Do You Guys Do Monogamy?

[Regal Tiger]

Tldr been seeing this girl since late December and official after an std test which was definitely my fault (my first ever std lol) in February

Anywhoo, I dunno if it's a confidence thing or a delusional thing but I feel like a lotta women are suddenly into me as I go about my day. Even today a girl covered in tats immediately gave me her full body attention, a hair flip and removed her shades in the span of like... 30 seconds after an opener

But sadly I had to bounce. It woulda been easy to just ask her to sit with me or trade numbers since I was being pulled away (she had an order waiting on the phone line and I was waiting to be seated)

But again, monogamy

She's head over heels for me and I really dig her. Though I stop myself from getting too attached since I want to leave the country and she doesn't

I love hanging out with her but most of the time, I just don't want to fuck her. I still do to make her happy but it's mostly for her. Like 75% of the time

My sex drive is drying up more and more everyday and I just want some new pussy lol

But I won't cheat cuz then I wouldn't be able to use one of my fun one liners about [now almost] never being monogamous but never cheating

So yeah... What can I do to drive away the demons/delusions[?] As well as increase my sex drive for my girlfriend?

 

[Atlas IV]

It sounds like you're checked out from the relationship already.

She's head over heels for me and I really dig her. Though I stop myself from getting too attached since I want to leave the country and she doesn't

So you know you're gonna break up in future, you just don't want to do it yet, right?

I've been in a similar situation. Looking back on it, my only regret was not ending it sooner.

You mentioned in another thread that you have difficulty asking for compliance, but it seems you're coming up to a point where an uncomfortable conversation is unavoidable. If you'd truly rather be chasing other girls now, just get the deed done.

But I won't cheat cuz then I wouldn't be able to use one of my fun one liners about [now almost] never being monogamous but never cheating

Man, there are a lot of reasons to not cheat on a girlfriend, but this is not one... I think you owe it to her to be honest with her

 

[Skills]

Long-Term - The serial monogamy lifestyle- Riding the pair bond rush from pure evil (repost)

Ok guys i just got a massive legit headache talking to poly guys that never have or minimally have done monogamy, about monogamy, most of them kjing... Anyways, before i post, the name of the poster/author is pure evil he was one of my favorite poster in nextasf, now retired flirted with coming...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[KJ Francis]

Long-Term - The serial monogamy lifestyle- Riding the pair bond rush from pure evil (repost)

Ok guys i just got a massive legit headache talking to poly guys that never have or minimally have done monogamy, about monogamy, most of them kjing... Anyways, before i post, the name of the poster/author is pure evil he was one of my favorite poster in nextasf, now retired flirted with coming...

www.skilledseducer.com

Skills, do you know if pure evil was setting honest expectations from the start that he fully anticipated moving on after things run their course?

And he said when he reaches fatherhood, the plan is OLTR, meaning the mother is free too..? Sounds risky.

If you are wanting to pair strongly with a main, wouldn't the best setup be one sided monogamy, with something like minimum 75% of time devoted to the main?

 

[Regal Tiger]

It sounds like you're checked out from the relationship already.

I wouldn't say I'm checked out, just a little un fulfilled

So you know you're gonna break up in future, you just don't want to do it yet, right?

I've been in a similar situation. Looking back on it, my only regret was not ending it sooner.

You mentioned in another thread that you have difficulty asking for compliance, but it seems you're coming up to a point where an uncomfortable conversation is unavoidable. If you'd truly rather be chasing other girls now, just get the deed done.

We've already had this conversation. She knows. It's not for a while now that I'd be able to leave anyways

Man, there are a lot of reasons to not cheat on a girlfriend, but this is not one... I think you owe it to her to be honest with her

Lol I was saying that as a partial joke. I'm not going to cheat

 

[topcat]

But I won't cheat cuz then I wouldn't be able to use one of my fun one liners about [now almost] never being monogamous but never cheating

Cheat and still use the line. Problem solved

 

[DarkKnight]

This is the main reason I have been dodging ltrs... Regals question is very valid. I just guess you need to blue pill yourself a bit in order to achieve monogamy

 

[POB]

If you are wanting to pair strongly with a main, wouldn't the best setup be one sided monogamy, with something like minimum 75% of time devoted to the main?

This is a fairy tale that's a byproduct of strong societal programming...
One-sided monogamy doesn't work in the real world (barring very odd exceptions).
In the majority of long-term relationships (talking about 20+ years here), at minimum, she'll get bored/pissed and probably:
- divorce your ass or;
- get a side lover or;
- become a resentfull/vengefull bitch who will turn your life into a living hell, so you'll want to get rid of her
The most submissive chick will eventually do it, even if she takes forever to make that decision.

There's no magic pill, so the best way is to learn relationship techniques and plan accordingly.
Either you go serial monogamy (like Skills said) or non-mono (there are a bunch of models for this), and live with the pros and cons.

What can happen though is you start an open-relationship and by her decision to stay just with you, you end up in a one-sided monogamy.
But that's a very different scenario.

 

[Atlas IV]

We've already had this conversation. She knows. It's not for a while now that I'd be able to leave anyways

Wait so she knows you don't want to be monogamous, and yet you guys are still monogamous? I'm confused

 

[DarkKnight]

Monogamy CAN work guys. I know a lot of solid women. The problem is me generally because I share the same problem as OP

But point is Monogamy can work but you need to prioritize stability or still play the field.

 

[Skills]

Skills, do you know if pure evil was setting honest expectations from the start that he fully anticipated moving on after things run their course?

good question, honestly don't remember... But he mentions some stuff in the post, i think he just let it die till completely over, but i might be wrong i honestly don't remember...

And he said when he reaches fatherhood, the plan is OLTR, meaning the mother is free too..? Sounds risky.

Why?? do you know what is an oltr?? is a girlfriend/wife you love, and you have fuck buddies on the side, i don't understand how this has anything to do with fatherhood...

If you are wanting to pair strongly with a main, wouldn't the best setup be one sided monogamy, with something like minimum 75% of time devoted to the main?

^ people just cheat, some community guys do this, coach kyle did this, jmlv supposedely, and playing with fire... i never done this, most guys just cheat..

 

[Will_V]

Tldr been seeing this girl since late December and official after an std test which was definitely my fault (my first ever std lol) in February

Anywhoo, I dunno if it's a confidence thing or a delusional thing but I feel like a lotta women are suddenly into me as I go about my day. Even today a girl covered in tats immediately gave me her full body attention, a hair flip and removed her shades in the span of like... 30 seconds after an opener

But sadly I had to bounce. It woulda been easy to just ask her to sit with me or trade numbers since I was being pulled away (she had an order waiting on the phone line and I was waiting to be seated)

But again, monogamy

She's head over heels for me and I really dig her. Though I stop myself from getting too attached since I want to leave the country and she doesn't

I love hanging out with her but most of the time, I just don't want to fuck her. I still do to make her happy but it's mostly for her. Like 75% of the time

My sex drive is drying up more and more everyday and I just want some new pussy lol

But I won't cheat cuz then I wouldn't be able to use one of my fun one liners about [now almost] never being monogamous but never cheating

So yeah... What can I do to drive away the demons/delusions[?] As well as increase my sex drive for my girlfriend?

If you're going to do monogamy you need to have a better situation than that. The whole idea of monogamy is that you give up your sexual freedom in return for something, not nothing.

Sounds a little like you just fell into a relationship with a fuckbuddy who doesn't really add anything to your life beyond availability.

In relationships, it's the things besides sex that make the whole thing worthwhile.

- Her genes and her womb
- Her ability and willingness to support you as you go about your life
- How much she motivates you every day to be better (not by whinging but by making you want to do better)
- How much enjoyment you get just being around her, relaxing with her, or talking with her

Of course the sex matters a ton, but the above is what makes the difference with a non monogamous girl. When you have a lot of stuff going on in your life, the right woman can make a brutal grind feel like a sunday walk. (And the wrong woman vice versa). She'll feed you, nurse you, suck your dick, surround you with a contagious sense of enthusiasm and levity, and generally keep a man's violent spirit at peace.

If she's not doing all those things, there's really no reason to go mono for her.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Wait so she knows you don't want to be monogamous, and yet you guys are still monogamous? I'm confused

Sorry for the confusion, that comment was about wanting to move countries. But again, even if things go well with what I'm working towards then it'll be a year or two

 

[Regal Tiger]

If you're going to do monogamy you need to have a better situation than that. The whole idea of monogamy is that you give up your sexual freedom in return for something, not nothing.

Sounds a little like you just fell into a relationship with a fuckbuddy who doesn't really add anything to your life beyond availability.

That's a fair thought since I didn't give much info about her

She does help me in my life, which is the biggest reason I don't want to cheat and won't

Which is why I want to figure out how to be more satisfied myself

In relationships, it's the things besides sex that make the whole thing worthwhile.

- Her genes and her womb
- Her ability and willingness to support you as you go about your life
- How much she motivates you every day to be better (not by whinging but by making you want to do better)
- How much enjoyment you get just being around her, relaxing with her, or talking with her

Of course the sex matters a ton, but the above is what makes the difference with a non monogamous girl. When you have a lot of stuff going on in your life, the right woman can make a brutal grind feel like a sunday walk. (And the wrong woman vice versa). She'll feed you, nurse you, suck your dick, surround you with a contagious sense of enthusiasm and levity, and generally keep a man's violent spirit at peace.

If she's not doing all those things, there's really no reason to go mono for her.

That's a good comment. She doesn't provide all of those things but about half I'd say. This is probably part of why I feel a little unsatisfied

But then again, it could just be me that's just wrong

The good news is that the desire for something new passes quickly. It comes up more than I'd like but it's not overwhelming or anything like that

I'd just be happier if they didn't exist at all


Side note: I'd still flirt around because that's good for the relationship and I don't consider that cheating when the man does it. Hypocritical as it sounds

 

[Regal Tiger]

To clear up any confusion, I'm satisfied with her. There's still some western feminism under the surface which keeps it from being a 100% but is probably the best I've had

She's not the hottest I've ever been with, so that's not what I'm talking about

I'm unsatisfied sexually is all. Lotta mental/emotional barriers. We've worked on them a lot and she's gotten better. Sex has gotten better

Things are getting better. I just would like to hear from people on how to be more patient I guess lol

I've never done monogamy before so this is new for me. Especially since my own sex drive is drying up and I've noticed the desire for someone new for a fling is creeping up

I'd rather not have the temptation :/

 

[topcat]

I've never done monogamy before so this is new for me. Especially since my own sex drive is drying up and I've noticed the desire for someone new for a fling is creeping up

I'd rather not have the temptation :/

Honestly past a certain level of experience I don’t think there’s any getting past the temptation, and sex drive drop. I know that for me monogamy is now impossible, even with MLTR’s i find my desire for them lacking the longer I see them without fucking new tail.

New girls have an odd way of kickstarting my desire for my main partner though.

It’s called the “Coolidge effect”.

Might be better you reframe your need for women as good for your relationship.. you’ll fuck your girl better and she’ll actually desire you more.. Just make sure you cherish her in every other way and you’re good.

 

[Will_V]

That's a fair thought since I didn't give much info about her

She does help me in my life, which is the biggest reason I don't want to cheat and won't

Which is why I want to figure out how to be more satisfied myself


That's a good comment. She doesn't provide all of those things but about half I'd say. This is probably part of why I feel a little unsatisfied

But then again, it could just be me that's just wrong

What's the main thing she's not giving to you, a sense of excitement?

You said originally:

I love hanging out with her but most of the time, I just don't want to fuck her. I still do to make her happy but it's mostly for her.

Doesn't sound like a great sexual dynamic. You sound a bit bored with her. And if you've only been seeing her since December, that's a very short time for things to have gone this way.

Maybe you need a girl who's a bit more of a handful - higher sex drive, more feisty, gives you a harder time when she's not happy. Won't be as comfortable though.

The good news is that the desire for something new passes quickly. It comes up more than I'd like but it's not overwhelming or anything like that

I'd just be happier if they didn't exist at all

Yeah, temptation never goes away.

The way I see it though, a man shouldn't have to convince himself not to be tempted, or try and trick himself that temptations don't exist. He should instead simply face continual decisions of whether the loss of one thing is worth the gain of another, and live with the consequences of those decisions. That's the only way you can enjoy the pain of self discipline or self deprivation - if it's a conscious choice in direct service of a goal you are striving for. That way, you recoup the energy you lost by not giving your instincts what they want, instead of simply experiencing a sense of inhibition and self-defeat.

If you don't have a large and difficult goal or calling outside of women that you need to use all your time and energy and libido to attend to, getting into a relationship is not necessarily a great idea, imo. A relationship is a supportive structure, like a bed you sleep in. If you aren't getting tired and spent every day, being in bed is a waste of time. And a man who lies around in bed restlessly all day will eventually set fire to it just to give himself no choice but to leave.

Side note: I'd still flirt around because that's good for the relationship and I don't consider that cheating when the man does it. Hypocritical as it sounds

I don't think that's hypocritical. As all the redpillers correctly point out, it takes a lot more practice for a man to keep his skills sharp and stay market-ready than it does for a woman. And staying market-ready keeps a lot of bad tendencies in a relationship in check.

At the end of the day, remember that if you can find a way to have what you want without monogamy, you don't need it. Everything is situation -> strategy -> decisions. All the outcomes are always on the table, but some are tremendously more difficult to pull off than others, and nothing is guaranteed for any length of time.

Nature never devised life to be a guaranteed pathway to victory or satisfaction or happiness, it's only society that purports to offer this in return for various (usually very large) concessions.

 

[KJ Francis]

This is a fairy tale that's a byproduct of strong societal programming...
One-sided monogamy doesn't work in the real world (barring very odd exceptions).

Hey @POB yeah unfortunately this seems to be the reality. When I first read about alternative setups, it seems like the only option to keep her attraction hot over the long-term. I have enjoyed one-sided a couple times, but yeah I don't see it as sustainable. The thing is I wouldn't want to share the mother of my kids. So if I have a family, do you just expect to separate once they go to college? I can't imagine 18 or more years of monogamy either. No magic pill...

Why?? do you know what is an oltr?? is a girlfriend/wife you love, and you have fuck buddies on the side, i don't understand how this has anything to do with fatherhood...

I wouldn't want to share the mother of my kids. Mainly I am making a guess that this will affect her devotion to me and the family. If there are no children+cohabitation, then maybe I will have different needs. Even still, I would likely not be able to let myself bond like that. If this is not too personal, are you and Mrs. Skills completely open? Maybe I have Madonna/whore complex or it could be subconscious biological, not wanting to be bonded and providing her security while she is enjoying other men.

Pure evil wrote:
"As a side note, if I were ever wish to push past the "pleasure phase" of pair-bonding, I would want an OLTR. This will be my setup with the mother of my kids whenever I get to that point. "

 

[Regal Tiger]

Wait so she knows you don't want to be monogamous, and yet you guys are still monogamous? I'm confused

edit... I'm dumb, it's been so long since I've visited the forums that I forgot I already replied to this and jumped the gun lol. My bad

 

[topcat]

I've done a little bit of meditating and it's helped with focusing more of my sexual energies on her and other things. So the desire isn't as bad now, but it's still there under the surface

Honestly dude, if you need to meditate in order to remain focused on your woman, her days are numbered..