How to know if the girl is locked in or converted

[empath]

When Is a Girl "Locked In"?​

The consensus is that after sleeping with a girl three times, she is locked in, and you can relax a bit and shift her into chase mode.


But how do you know for sure that she’s locked in, especially if she’s a "normal" girl (not a nympho, etc.)?

What I Want to Know:​

• When can I chill out and stop feeling the need to meet her constantly?
• What behaviors indicate that she’s locked in?
• Besides sleeping together three times, what else helps solidify her investment?
• Does she become more compliant, or show other signs of attachment?

I basically don’t want to keep worrying that some other guy will swoop in. Ideally, once she’s locked in, I want her to come to me for sex instead of me chasing her.

 

[Will_V]

When Is a Girl "Locked In"?​

The consensus is that after sleeping with a girl three times, she is locked in, and you can relax a bit and shift her into chase mode.


But how do you know for sure that she’s locked in, especially if she’s a "normal" girl (not a nympho, etc.)?

What I Want to Know:​

• When can I chill out and stop feeling the need to meet her constantly?
• What behaviors indicate that she’s locked in?
• Besides sleeping together three times, what else helps solidify her investment?
• Does she become more compliant, or show other signs of attachment?

I basically don’t want to keep worrying that some other guy will swoop in. Ideally, once she’s locked in, I want her to come to me for sex instead of me chasing her.

The behavior of a girl who's locked in is essentially one where she is actively trying to advance the relationship on your terms.

The 'on your terms' part means she's very enthusiastic to have sex whenever you want, very amenable to all sorts of suggestions and hints, willing to go out of her way to see you or be with you, taking the initiative to try and help you and improve your life, and not argumentative. This is the most reliable metric of female commitment, in my opinion - how adaptable and pliable she is in and out of the bedroom. It's the ultimate female offer of "I'll be whatever you want whenever you want, just say the words". When she's losing interest or respect, checking out, or feels like she has you under her thumb, the first thing to go is this willingness and enthusiasm - it's basically impossible for a woman to pretend that she's this way when she's not. The funny thing is most guys never get this from her at all, so they don't realize how weak their relationship is to begin with, and are blindsided when it fails catastrophically.

The 'advance the relationship' part means she's doing the usual stuff like texting you often, trying to get you to do and say things that imply investment in her, and basically pushing and prodding you toward more and more commitment.

When you have these two things from a woman, I would say your relationship is on very solid ground.

But that doesn't mean it will stay that way. Women need to be in an advancing relationship, you can't just 'spin plates' forever as the redpillers suggest. She eventually needs kids and (as my dad likes to say) a retirement plan, and she knows she doesn't have forever to get the ball rolling.

And just because she's 'locked in' doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. You still need to give her great sex, be a strong leader, pass her regular tests, and remain the sort of man that fills her thoughts through the days and nights. A woman's desire is never owned, only earned continually.

 

[Stark]

Locked in doesn’t mean she’ll drop all other guys from her roaster. It just means that you’re one of her top sexual options and possibly more.

Let’s say the girl is seeing another guy in addition to you and both of you are almost similar in what you offer her.
I’m assuming both of you make her cum everytime you meet and have sex(atleast in one of the sessions).

Guess who she will choose as she makes decision to go exclusive?

The one who cares the least (if she stays or leaves.)

 

[empath]

Locked in doesn’t mean she’ll drop all other guys from her roaster. It just means that you’re one of her top sexual options and possibly more.

Let’s say the girl is seeing another guy in addition to you and both of you are almost similar in what you offer her.
I’m assuming both of you make her cum everytime you meet and have sex(atleast in one of the sessions).

Guess who she will choose as she makes decision to go exclusive?

The one who cares the least (if she stays or leaves.)

I think then my question should be when will she start pushing for relationship herself and wanting to go exclusive with me.

I have had sex with her 2 times but she is a party girl and now when we were planning for 3rd time she was busy/tired.

I guess only option I have is to kickback and let her come to me.

Also, to contrast there were girlfriends who for no aparant reason dropped other guys themselve.

How do I trigger this in the girl consciously.


Even a girl I am seeing but slept with yet (she being a virgin and busy with studies) said it that she herself is stopping to talk to other guys.

 

[empath]

The behavior of a girl who's locked in is essentially one where she is actively trying to advance the relationship on your terms.

The 'on your terms' part means she's very enthusiastic to have sex whenever you want, very amenable to all sorts of suggestions and hints, willing to go out of her way to see you or be with you, taking the initiative to try and help you and improve your life, and not argumentative. This is the most reliable metric of female commitment, in my opinion - how adaptable and pliable she is in and out of the bedroom. It's the ultimate female offer of "I'll be whatever you want whenever you want, just say the words". When she's losing interest or respect, checking out, or feels like she has you under her thumb, the first thing to go is this willingness and enthusiasm - it's basically impossible for a woman to pretend that she's this way when she's not. The funny thing is most guys never get this from her at all, so they don't realize how weak their relationship is to begin with, and are blindsided when it fails catastrophically.

The 'advance the relationship' part means she's doing the usual stuff like texting you often, trying to get you to do and say things that imply investment in her, and basically pushing and prodding you toward more and more commitment.

When you have these two things from a woman, I would say your relationship is on very solid ground.

But that doesn't mean it will stay that way. Women need to be in an advancing relationship, you can't just 'spin plates' forever as the redpillers suggest. She eventually needs kids and (as my dad likes to say) a retirement plan, and she knows she doesn't have forever to get the ball rolling.

And just because she's 'locked in' doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. You still need to give her great sex, be a strong leader, pass her regular tests, and remain the sort of man that fills her thoughts through the days and nights. A woman's desire is never owned, only earned continually.

What to do if she was doing this but suddenly pulled back.

Cause I fucked up somewhere before the emotional connection was solidified.

As in before talk of serious dating began from her side.

 

[Stark]

I think then my question should be when will she start pushing for relationship herself and wanting to go exclusive with me.

Once you lock her in and you’re clearly above her in terms of life-style and showing you off in front of her social circle elevates her - she starts pushing for girlfriend status . Provided she was not in a hoe phase while you met her.

If she’s still in the hoe phase(which this girl seems to be) , you need to be the most non-needy guy she ever met.
You would need to top the sexual experience on each meet.

She should clearly know(convey with your vibe and circumstantial evidence) that you’re banging other girls.

You pitch each meet but never build emotional bonding in an overt manner. That’s her task.

She’ll do that soon enough if you don’t put yourself in the boyfriend role early. If you do that she’ll next you. She’s looking for fun and unattached excitement at this point. Offer that by being the best lover she’s ever had. She’ll start getting needy for you soon enough .

And keep seeing her only once a week. If you push for anything more then you’ll lose her.

 

[empath]

Once you lock her in and you’re clearly above her in terms of life-style and showing you off in front of her social circle elevates her - she starts pushing for girlfriend status . Provided she was not in a hoe phase while you met her.

If she’s still in the hoe phase(which this girl seems to be) , you need to be the most non-needy guy she ever met.
You would need to top the sexual experience on each meet.

She should clearly know(convey with your vibe and circumstantial evidence) that you’re banging other girls.

You pitch each meet but never build emotional bonding in an overt manner. That’s her task.

She’ll do that soon enough if you don’t put yourself in the boyfriend role early. If you do that she’ll next you. She’s looking for fun and unattached excitement at this point. Offer that by being the best lover she’s ever had. She’ll start getting needy for you soon enough .

And keep seeing her only once a week. If you push for anything more then you’ll lose her.

Yeah in a hoe phase.

Recent break-up from a 2 year LTR.

I am her 2nd lover post it.

1st one she did not liked.

She pushed for the 2nd meet.

Now she is pulling back. (Probably busy)

Now how do I casually set up a meet for 3rd sex.

What worked first time was me playing hard to get.

But now I am a bit in negative compliance.

I tried setting up a casual meet 3rd time (twice but got negative compliance).

Still sent her a BIHC, she responded being busy with work.

 

[Will_V]

What to do if she was doing this but suddenly pulled back.

Cause I fucked up somewhere before the emotional connection was solidified.

As in before talk of serious dating began from her side.

It's very hard to say.

How locked in a girl is is a function of:

- The way you first met her
- The way you have sex with her
- The way you treat her afterward
- The way you navigate her tests (which are ongoing)
- The way she sees you behave in many different contexts
- The way you set frames and precedents in the relationship
- The path along which you allow the relationship to develop
- etc

It's not a binary thing of either she's locked in or not, or that at some point you just let go of the controls and everything keeps going smoothly.

She pushed for the 2nd meet.

Now she is pulling back. (Probably busy)

What do you think happened during/after the second time you slept together that shifted things in a negative way?

 

[empath]

It's very hard to say.

How locked in a girl is is a function of:

- The way you first met her
- The way you have sex with her
- The way you treat her afterward
- The way you navigate her tests (which are ongoing)
- The way she sees you behave in many different contexts
- The way you set frames and precedents in the relationship
- The path along which you allow the relationship to develop
- etc

It's not a binary thing of either she's locked in or not, or that at some point you just let go of the controls and everything keeps going smoothly.



What do you think happened during/after the second time you slept together that shifted things in a negative way?

Tuesday night

After 2nd meet of sex. I wanted her to stay over but she had work so she left.

So, I just slept being non-chalant, told her to close the door.

Sex was very passionate.

So while I was acting like a jerk. She still kissed me.

Then sent me a text she reached home safely.

Next day I guess some good moring text to which I reacted with a heart.

Wednesday night

I was sloshed with my buddies

To show her the party lifestyle. Sent the pic of venue.

She replied u seem high/having fun.

I replied too sloshed, good I am not with you
- she did not replied

Thursday

She just sent good morning

Not replying to my text.

I reacted heart to her text.

In evening she sent me a text. -Everything all right?

I replied nothing was out (playing cool)

I realised I might put her into auto rejection so

I asked how was her day.
Not replied.


Friday
We both were partying

I shared pic of my venue.

No reaction from her.

I texted her if she wanna meet lmk.

She said she is out.

I said I am out to, I mean once we both are back.

Saturday
She I was too late yesterday, lets meet today.

Ok

She time?

Me: Wait, having lunch

She: ok

Me: done with lunch wby

- no reply from her


After 5-6 hours.

At 11:30 if you are free.

She: whats the plan

Me: walk and drinks and lets see where it goes.

She: walking doesnt help legs hurt
she: i will stay home

Me: cool we can just sit if you want to

Promise not to hurt your legs further

No reply

Here I was getting needy

Me: Let the thought marinate

Me: wrote a short sensual poem

She:

Me: demons inside me want to go out or some poetic shit

She: tomorrow

Me: tomorrow I will be sane


No reply

Sunday
No reply from her.

I also did not text.

Monday

me: Ohh, I see...you seem to be very busy these next few days (around 4)

She: It's because of Companies work (instant reply)

Me: psstt... My personal nightmare (she read this, blue tick)

Me: I just started working on a new one today ( she did not saw this msg)

 

[Will_V]

My man, this one is really all over the place.

Tuesday night

After 2nd meet of sex. I wanted her to stay over but she had work so she left.

So, I just slept being non-chalant, told her to close the door.

Sex was very passionate.

So while I was acting like a jerk. She still kissed me.

Then sent me a text she reached home safely.

Next day I guess some good moring text to which I reacted with a heart.

So, you didn't see her out the door, and you didn't send her a message reinforcing good feelings after sex. For a lot of women this is going to communicate that you're not interested in anything more.

Wednesday night

I was sloshed with my buddies

To show her the party lifestyle. Sent the pic of venue.

She replied u seem high/having fun.

I replied too sloshed, good I am not with you
- she did not replied

Not sure what this is all about. What's the point of randomly sending her a picture of a venue you're at unless you want her to join you there? Remember this is a girl you've already slept with and who's by all accounts being pretty compliant and available. You don't need to push her buttons.

Also, you're basically saying here that you're so smashed it would be embarrassing to be with her, not a very 'high value' move.

Thursday

She just sent good morning

Not replying to my text.

I reacted heart to her text.

In evening she sent me a text. -Everything all right?

I replied nothing was out (playing cool)

I realised I might put her into auto rejection so

I asked how was her day.
Not replied.

So she sends you good morning and you just heart the message, comes off like you don't want to reciprocate or talk. Again you're sort of pushing her away.

If a girl does something you want her to do again, you better reward her for it.

Friday
We both were partying

I shared pic of my venue.

No reaction from her.

Again this venue photo thing, not sure what's the point.

Saturday
She I was too late yesterday, lets meet today.

Ok

She time?

Me: Wait, having lunch

She: ok

Me: done with lunch wby

- no reply from her

This is just rude.

After 5-6 hours.

At 11:30 if you are free.

She: whats the plan

Me: walk and drinks and lets see where it goes.

She: walking doesnt help legs hurt
she: i will stay home

Me: cool we can just sit if you want to

Promise not to hurt your legs further

No reply

Yeah at this point she's well into auto rejection after all the unnecessary snubs you've given her, like "what's the point of even meeting this dude".

Here I was getting needy

Me: Let the thought marinate

Me: wrote a short sensual poem

She:

Me: demons inside me want to go out or some poetic shit

She: tomorrow

Me: tomorrow I will be sane


No reply

This is just the equivalent of telling her "you were right, it probably wouldn't be fun".

Sunday
No reply from her.

I also did not text.

Monday

me: Ohh, I see...you seem to be very busy these next few days (around 4)

She: It's because of Companies work (instant reply)

Me: psstt... My personal nightmare (she read this, blue tick)

Me: I just started working on a new one today ( she did not saw this msg)

And now she's pulling away and disengaging from you.

In short, you showed her you're emotionally up and down, not a smooth leader who's in control, and someone who probably isn't going to reward her for investing in you.

If she does something you want, reward her. When she has sex with you, give her a cuddle after, see her to the uber, send her a nice message after. If she sends you a good morning, send one back. Girls - especially after sex - are basically adapting to every signal you give them, to understand how they should behave with you, their new guy.

Don't unload your emotions on her. If you get smashed with your mates, you don't need to tell her. If you are in a dark mood, no need to show it to her. Be secure, consistent, unyielding, and strong with her, and she will be able to submit much more deeply. A lot of stuff that might be satisfying for you to feel probably isn't very attractive to her.

Lead her properly - banter a bit, set up a date/meet, be warm and straightforward. No need to play games where you are acting distant and snubbing her sometimes and chasing after her other times, especially when you've already had sex. If you're busy, just ignore her and reply afterward. You're setting a frame here - either that you are the sort of guy who plays games (in which case she will too) or that you're not a guy who plays games (and she'll be less inclined to do so with you).

Hope this hasn't come off too blunt, but it's clear that your skills at getting a girl locked in after sex need some work. Best of luck!

 

[Stark]

So, you didn't see her out the door, and you didn't send her a message reinforcing good feelings after sex. For a lot of women this is going to communicate that you're not interested in anything more.

This.

No matter if she's an FB or anything more serious, you need to ALWAYS be polite and gentleman-like when she leaves your place.

That's the moment the switch flipped in her mind.

As Will said, how you just hearted the good morning message instead of reinforcing good feelings clinched it.

Make sure to handle these two events with grace (with any woman) from now on.

 

[empath]

My man, this one is really all over the place.



So, you didn't see her out the door, and you didn't send her a message reinforcing good feelings after sex. For a lot of women this is going to communicate that you're not interested in anything more.



Not sure what this is all about. What's the point of randomly sending her a picture of a venue you're at unless you want her to join you there? Remember this is a girl you've already slept with and who's by all accounts being pretty compliant and available. You don't need to push her buttons.

Also, you're basically saying here that you're so smashed it would be embarrassing to be with her, not a very 'high value' move.



So she sends you good morning and you just heart the message, comes off like you don't want to reciprocate or talk. Again you're sort of pushing her away.

If a girl does something you want her to do again, you better reward her for it.



Again this venue photo thing, not sure what's the point.



This is just rude.



Yeah at this point she's well into auto rejection after all the unnecessary snubs you've given her, like "what's the point of even meeting this dude".



This is just the equivalent of telling her "you were right, it probably wouldn't be fun".



And now she's pulling away and disengaging from you.

In short, you showed her you're emotionally up and down, not a smooth leader who's in control, and someone who probably isn't going to reward her for investing in you.

If she does something you want, reward her. When she has sex with you, give her a cuddle after, see her to the uber, send her a nice message after. If she sends you a good morning, send one back. Girls - especially after sex - are basically adapting to every signal you give them, to understand how they should behave with you, their new guy.

Don't unload your emotions on her. If you get smashed with your mates, you don't need to tell her. If you are in a dark mood, no need to show it to her. Be secure, consistent, unyielding, and strong with her, and she will be able to submit much more deeply. A lot of stuff that might be satisfying for you to feel probably isn't very attractive to her.

Lead her properly - banter a bit, set up a date/meet, be warm and straightforward. No need to play games where you are acting distant and snubbing her sometimes and chasing after her other times, especially when you've already had sex. If you're busy, just ignore her and reply afterward. You're setting a frame here - either that you are the sort of guy who plays games (in which case she will too) or that you're not a guy who plays games (and she'll be less inclined to do so with you).

Hope this hasn't come off too blunt, but it's clear that your skills at getting a girl locked in after sex need some work. Best of luck!

Yeah I know.

Its my 3rd failure in row to retain a quality girl I would like.


Soo sitution moved a bit forward.


I sent her a last text.

Me: I think sexy time with you will need to wait a few days.

(Sex was good so I felt maybe I can invoke those passionate moment in her)

She: Yeaa it would be

I have not seen this message.

How should I respond?

Her texts are dry compared to before.

I am thinking of waiting for few days to see if she initiates the convo. herself.


Or I can drop a text after 2-3 days.


1. I hope its soon, otherwise I may end up losing interest

2. Time to break-up

3. Time to demote you to a side chick now

4. Hi, all good with work now?


5. Ask her if I fucked up somewhere? Can I make things good?

 

[Will_V]

Or I can drop a text after 2-3 days.


1. I hope its soon, otherwise I may end up losing interest

2. Time to break-up

3. Time to demote you to a side chick now

4. Hi, all good with work now?

5. Ask her if I fucked up somewhere? Can I make things good?

You're not thinking clearly about what's been going on here. The main points I made in my last comment were:

- You didn't treat her well or reward her for doing what you wanted her to
- You're showing too much up and down emotions around her

So how do you figure it would do any good to tell her "Time to demote you to a side chick now"..?

 

[Atlas IV]

1. I hope its soon, otherwise I may end up losing interest

2. Time to break-up

3. Time to demote you to a side chick now

These texts are horrible. Uncalibrated, unfunny, and destructive.

It sounds like she's already just about out the door, so sending any of these will definitely finish the job.

The only (very small) chance you have to salvage this is by changing tact and being open and genuine with her.

Don't talk (or joke) about sex now. Treat her like someone you actually enjoy spending time with and want to get to know better.

Good luck

 

[empath]

You're not thinking clearly about what's been going on here. The main points I made in my last comment were:

- You didn't treat her well or reward her for doing what you wanted her to
- You're showing too much up and down emotions around her

So how do you figure it would do any good to tell her "Time to demote you to a side chick now"..?

I thought she is playing hard to get so?

But I got your point.

Now how long should I wait to text her back? Or should I just wait for her.

She is netural/polite now, how to make her enthu to meet me again.

How are these ideas?

- Take your space and circle back

- Take your space and circle back but not too long ... I like the thing we have going on and I would hate to lose interest in you

- Take your space But ...Hopefully we catch up soon... I really like the things we have going on ... I would hate it if some other girl ends up steal me from you

- Take your space and circle back.

I have realised something important.

- Hi, hope your work load is lighter now.

Or any other suggestion I would hate to lose this girl.

This is 3rd time in a row being unable to lock down a girl I wanted to.

 

[Will_V]

I thought she is playing hard to get so?

But I got your point.

Now how long should I wait to text her back? Or should I just wait for her.

She is netural/polite now, how to make her enthu to meet me again.

How are these ideas?

- Take your space and circle back

- Take your space and circle back but not too long ... I like the thing we have going on and I would hate to lose interest in you

- Take your space But ...Hopefully we catch up soon... I really like the things we have going on ... I would hate it if some other girl ends up steal me from you

- Take your space and circle back.

I have realised something important.

- Hi, hope your work load is lighter now.

Or any other suggestion I would hate to lose this girl.

This is 3rd time in a row being unable to lock down a girl I wanted to.

None of these ideas are good. You're still not paying attention to the real situation. It should be crystal clear by now that you need to show her a little bit of warmth and consideration to make her feel secure with you again.

You seem to have this adversarial, game-playing attitude toward women, where you have to constantly keep reminding her that you can do whatever you want regardless of how she feels, and when this doesn't work you switch to a sort of weak negotiation strategy. This is not the way to deal with a girl who's giving you sex and good mornings, and it's not the way to repair things when the problem was caused by this attitude in the first place.

Like @Atlas IV said, your best shot is to be genuine with her and accept that you haven't been acting real good with her, and suggest that you meet up to talk about it. And in person, make sure to behave in a way that reminds her of why she liked you and slept with you in the first place.

I can't tell you in a post about how to change this perspective of yours, this habituated approach to dealing with women, but I suggest you start reading some Girls Chase articles with a very open mind, perhaps starting with this one:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-better-jerk

 

[empath]

None of these ideas are good. You're still not paying attention to the real situation. It should be crystal clear by now that you need to show her a little bit of warmth and consideration to make her feel secure with you again.

You seem to have this adversarial, game-playing attitude toward women, where you have to constantly keep reminding her that you can do whatever you want regardless of how she feels, and when this doesn't work you switch to a sort of weak negotiation strategy. This is not the way to deal with a girl who's giving you sex and good mornings, and it's not the way to repair things when the problem was caused by this attitude in the first place.

Like @Atlas IV said, your best shot is to be genuine with her and accept that you haven't been acting real good with her, and suggest that you meet up to talk about it. And in person, make sure to behave in a way that reminds her of why she liked you and slept with you in the first place.

I can't tell you in a post about how to change this perspective of yours, this habituated approach to dealing with women, but I suggest you start reading some Girls Chase articles with a very open mind, perhaps starting with this one:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-better-jerk

I read this article.


Yeah I got it, I need to shift my mindset.

But more than being a jerk I believe my problem stems from insecurity and lack of self- control.

I thought being jerk will work with her because she is young but I failed to calibarate with her and now there is some negative compliance.

I think now best move is to wait till thurday before reaching out to her.

This gives me some space to cool down my emotions.

Then think what will be best way to turnaround this situation.

Still there is a fear that I might lose this girl or someone else swoon her out but lets see.

 

[empath]

Ok I thought about it.

I will just re-seduce her.

I am bad at this warmth thing especially over text but good at seducing over text.

Also, I was stuck too much into push pull that I forget I have picked her up already.

Now relationship is moving forward.

And with an unusal expectation of having her at my beck and call.

So game plan is to wait till thurday.

Last conversation we had was on Monday.


On thursday
Me: Hey sweety how is this week treating you?

She: some dry response. (In case its not dry I will change my strategy)

Me: How would your answer change if we were strangers? (She mentioned that she can rant me because we are strangers, subtely calling back first meet)

She: why / gives a warmer response

Me: I want to do things differently this time (bringing intrigue in her)

Now lets see how this plan goes.