Ozz's Journal

[Grand Pooba]

I was out day gaming at the mall on Sunday. I initially wanted to go for three hours, from 3pm till closing at 6, but my own internal fear prevented me from doing this. I finally sucked it up at 4:30pm and forced myself to go out till closing. I got there at 4:45, and told myself I wouldn’t leave till 6.

It turned out to be a great decision. While I didn’t hit my target of 8 women on this outing and only made it to 6, I did the best approach I’ve ever done to date.

Girl 1:
This is more than likely going nowhere. I saw a girl hanging around texting on the phone against a railing in the mall, so I walked past her and approached from the side by commenting on how beautiful her hair is. She was taken aback, but also very, very nervous about talking to a complete stranger in the mall. It was surreal, and I felt a bit bad for what I was doing! We talked about what she does (student). I number closed, but this girl was so hesitant and scared about giving her number and setting up a time to meet, I knew from the get go that she wasn’t really that into me. It’s funny, I asked for her number, she refused to give it and said she’d take mine. When I gave her mine, she called me anyway so that I’d have hers. WTF? So then I try to schedule with her:

Me: “So why don’t we grab coffee sometime?”
Her: “I would, but I don’t live in this area and I barely come here.”
Me: “That’s okay, I have a car, I can come to DC and meet you.”
Her: “Yeah but I’m so busy all the time.”
Me: “Aren’t you in college? You must have free time in the evenings, right? How’s your schedule looking?”
Her: <something else about how she’s busy>
Me: “Well, we’re all busy. But you like coffee, right?”

Anyway, this continued for some time, then I ended it at “Well, it’s cool, we can figure out your schedule later. I’ll be in touch, have a nice day!” When we ended our convo, she did one of the fastest 360's I've seen and started walking the other way. Damn...I hope I don't come off THAT scary!


Ok, so now I have some momentum. Which I would lose soon after…

Girl 2:
This one was terrifying. Not the approach, but how it went down. I saw a girl with her arms crossed inside a store just looking and waiting. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to use some wit and banter. "Glad you're keeping a watchful eye on the public, I know they have a huge crime problem in American Eagle" to which she laughed and I introduced myself. I asked her what she's doing here, and she said that she's out shopping with HIM. (Oh, shit)...

And then right after that, I saw her boyfriend walking up to her. He was a mean, angry looking fellow, just one of those guys that gives off the vibe that he hates everyone and everything. Some people might call it “tough” and “macho,” but either way he just looked pissed off. And I was talking to his girl. Fuck. I immediately said “well, it’s nice to meet you!” and walked off! He stared me down as I walked off, and I made the mistake of looking back. I shouldn’t have done this, perhaps.

In the back of the store now, I turn to find that he’s walking up to me. We’re facing each other, and he walks right up to me into my personal space and says “What’s your problem, man?” I held my composure. I am taller than him, my posture was straight and powerful, I looked him right in the eyes with a subtle smile (same one I always keep) and said calmly and deeply “There is no problem.” He looked at me for two seconds, then remarked still pissed off, “I’ll kick your butt you son of a bitch!” and tried to push me as he walked off. His push didn’t cause me to budge at all, and I stood there still for a few seconds before walking the other way. His girl came running after him, “What are you doing? What happened?” I didn’t stick around to hear anything.

So girls like bad boys. I can see why, he probably gives her a very emotional experience. Not sure if it’s a good one, but who knows.

Lesson:
- Take self defense courses. This is a dangerous game!
- Check and wait for boyfriends.
This experience definitely got to my nerves, I was shaky and adrenaline affected, and had to spend the next ten minutes walking to get over this encounter and rebuild my confidence and attitude.

Girl 3:
Perhaps the best approach I have done to date. I’ve chronicled this as a field report instead, here:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3951

Girl 4:
Rejected immediately. No contest!

...I'm starting to notice that there are only moms and teenage girls at this mall, and very, very few single attractive women. There was one girl whom I thought was REALLY cute and was walking all by herself, but for whatever reason I had a bout of anxiety and couldn't approach.

Girl 5:
Turned out to be in high school. Oops!

Girl 6:
This was unexpected. The time was 6pm and I was on my way out when I saw someone I knew, a girl among two of her girl friends. It’s an old friend of mine (she even told me “WOW! You look great!”), and as we’re catching up I see that one of her girl friends is cute! I break off from my friend and introduce myself to Girl 6 and the third girl. Girl 6 remarks “You stole her away from me when I was talking to her!” I reply “Yeah, you know I steal away people all the time, it just happens” and all three laugh. Anyway, I really wanted to get her number, but now Girl 6 is talking to the third one and I’m trying to maintain an increasingly awkward convo with my friend. Eventually I just give after a weird extended pause and say bye to all three. I walked towards the exit

I thought this was the end, but lo and behold, as I pause before the exit of the mall to check my phone, here comes Girl 6 walking my way!! Wow, what luck. She’s walking FAST, but I continue to engage her:

Me: “Oh look, it’s you again! You’re leaving?”
Her: “Yeah I’m off work now.” <Now she’s passed me and she’s walking out the door in front of me. She's still walking fast.>
Me: “Well hey listen, you seem cool and I’d like to get to know you better, why don’t we grab coffee sometime?”
Her: “Yeah, let’s do that, you can find me inside.”
Me: “What do you mean, you work here?”
Her: “Yeah, I work at [store], come find me.”
Me: “I’m afraid that’s not good enough, why don’t we trade info.” <Now she’s walked off way ahead, she’s like at least 30 feet out into the parking lot, but I’m holding up my phone and she looks back and sees it.>
Her: “Oh, you want my number? It’s….”
Me: “Come here for a minute.” <She walks over. Boom. I have her put in her number into my phone. She also checks it and MAKES SURE it’s correct! I had typed it wrong and she fixes the mistake.>
Me: “You’re in a big rush huh?”
Her: “Yeah I have to meet up with my girlfriend, she’s waiting for me and I’m late.”
Me: “So if you work here, what’s your schedule like this week? I mean when do you get off?”
Her: “I’m working Monday till 9 and Tuesday I work from 12 till 8.” <She starts walking off again>
Me: “So let’s get coffee after you get off on Tuesday.”
Her: “8 is too late for coffee, let’s do dinner!” <Oh, so that’s what you really want huh? This girl sounds difficult>
Me: “<I start laughing> Oh you think so? Maybe we’ll just get drinks then” <Now we’re yelling across the parking lot>
Her: “Okay!”

We've set up to meet on Wednesday. I'm intrigued.

 

[ocantu1987]

Man ozz hahah you have a ton of approaches under your belt I will be following your journal man, I feel i can learn from this.

 

[Grand Pooba]

One approach yesterday:

I was at the gym working out and noticed a cute, very fit older latina girl doing some lifting. She was wearing a very coordinated outfit of black and pink, from her shoes to her very tight top. She happened to move next to me in her set ten minutes later, so I took the opportunity of a break in her set and mine to approach her.

Me: "Hey, I really like your style, it's very fashionable."
Her: "Thanks." <Blank stare>
Me: "Yeah, it's really not often that at the gym you see someone coordinating their color patterns like you do." <She smiled and laughed a bit, then regained a very serious composure>
Me: "I'm [Ozz], by the way." <Hold out and shake her hand>
Her: "I'm [Rockvale]"
Me: "Nice to meet you, is this one of your big past times, or you're just here to work out?"
Her: "I just work out." <I lost track of what to say now>
Me: "Cool..."<Pause and she has a blank stare>"Well, I just had to say that, enjoy your workout!"
Her: "You too."

I did a lot of things wrong on this one:
- Approaching from her 9:00, it was extremely direct and very obvious what I was doing. I pre-opened with a touch on her arm but this doesn't matter because:
- I was facing her frontally before she turned to face me.
- My fundamentals were off because I just finished a set and was breathing hard. In other words, no smiling and difficulty talking.
- I lost track of what to say and froze when she wasn't responding fully warmly.
- I introduced myself first instead of having her introduce herself first.
- I didn't push to tell her that I think she's cute and that we should grab coffee.

Still glad I approached, but it was one giant pile of FAIL.

 

[Grand Pooba]

I just finished a drinks date with Girl 6 from my mall outing on Sunday, and I've failed yet again. Nothing came out of it, she wouldn't even entertain the idea of "let's let the night continue..." and I'm almost positive by her body language and actions at closing that I'll never in the slightest see her again.

I'll have a more detailed write-up after I get to it tonight, but still...it's so frustrating. It's painful and it's driving me nuts that I'm not good at something that plenty of guys around me seem to do almost effortlessly. It also feels like I am nowhere close to my goal. I know Rome Wasn't Built In A Day, but still...it's difficult to stay afloat mentally when you don't see progress or even a glimpse of success in the future, or something to look back on and say "wow, that was perfect, I did it perfectly and I got exactly what I wanted."

I guess I just feel a slight need to vent my frustration.

 

[Grand Pooba]

I just finished a drinks date with Girl 6 from my mall outing on Sunday, and I've failed yet again. Nothing came out of it, she wouldn't even entertain the idea of "let's let the night continue..." and I'm almost positive by her body language and actions at closing that I'll never in the slightest see her again.

I'll have a more detailed write-up after I get to it tonight, but still...it's so frustrating. It's painful and it's driving me nuts that I'm not good at something that plenty of guys around me seem to do almost effortlessly. It also feels like I am nowhere close to my goal. I know Rome Wasn't Built In A Day, but still...it's difficult to stay afloat mentally when you don't see progress or even a glimpse of success in the future, or something to look back on and say "wow, that was perfect, I did it perfectly and I got exactly what I wanted."

I guess I just feel a slight need to vent my frustration.

---

update: Okay, this post was foolish, just outright silly. My apologies, I dealt with the end of this date in entirely the wrong way and can't let something like this cause frustration when it is fact a learning opportunity. Leaving this intact to remind myself that I should never be this negative again in the future.

 

[Marty]

Hey Ozz, I've been where you are now, more times than I can count on the fingers of both hands, since I started this program six months ago. It's a natural part of the learning process. And there's nothing wrong with sharing it here; the forum exists for us to help one another. You'll look back at this and laugh... all in good time! -Marty

 

[Grand Pooba]

Thanks for the kind words Marty! Onwards and upwards!

Approached two girls are starbucks, one was a blowout and one was receptive to me.

A lot of approaches last night with a friend, probably at least 20 and playing around with different styles including street game at 9pm on a Friday, and a "college night" at a lounge in DC, used both indirect and direct approaches. It seems indirect approaches are easier on the street but more difficult to transition into them being interested. Did successfully move a group of three girls to a starbucks to hang out a little more, then found out two are college freshmen and one is a high school senior. That's a little young for me, gotta keep an eye out for that more in the future. Over time though, built up a good amount of social momentum. One of the goals here is to achieve state independence, and also practice maintaining fundamentals, which is something I struggled with a little bit last night. It's okay, with due time....

I didn't go for any numbers or dates this time, as I'd like to get more comfortable with moving girls around on the spot and making moves there and then, rather than deferring to a different meeting.

At the lounge we went to, I made friends with virtually all of the staff, and have to say this is an awesome feeling to do. They really seem to appreciate it most of the time, and it makes you look better at the venue when people know you by name.

----

I decided to record a conversation I had with a date, a Korean woman 9 years older than me, on Wednesday night, and I analyzed the first ten minutes. I recorded it because I think my conversation skills are a sticking point, I am still running them without intent. I was hoping to study these and pick up on styles to change, and it's on a list of things to do. But anyway, here's the transcribe of the first ten minutes:

AA = girl
BB = me
<nonverbals>
<<the other party speaking in convo>>

[When I was starting the recording she was talking about her work]
AA: Like you know, It can be something good. Because this company’s not really stable in the United States right now. Like you know, they’re not really like doing a lot of marketing…
BB: Uh huh… <inquisitive>
AA: So, umm…I said okay this is challenge for me but I like a good challenge so let’s do it and then he quit last week.
BB: Wow, okay…
AA: My CEO quit and after like six months I’m like what’s going on…
BB: Just out of the blue? <<YEAH…>> Like crazy, or…?
AA: Yeah he just left the company.
BB: He didn’t tell you anything?
AA: No
BB: Wow, what the hell…
AA: He sent me an email on that day last Friday. And he said “oh [Sami] I need this and I need this” I said I’m going to send it to him. Then I got a phone call from Denmark, and he was like…I couldn’t even talk to him because I don’t understand what they’re saying…
BB: <Laughing> Because you don’t speak Danish!
AA: Yeah, and they’re like…he sounds like they’re writing a…probably they write something and they try to read what they’re supposed to say. <<Yeah…>> And I was listening and listening and basically the contract is over. I said I don’t understand. Then he just sent me an email, and he doesn’t answer me what I’m saying because he doesn’t understand what I’m saying. And I was like…and then he say the contract is over so he left. I was like wow….that’s not professional.
BB: <interrupting her a bit> I know right? Like why would just do that and just put you on the spot unnecessarily.
AA: Yeah, I risk my business and then I came here and then all of a sudden this person just disappeared, and I was like…I don’t know, he used to be CEO of Cartier <<Yeah…>> and Bacardi, or…something…
BB: Yeah I’ve heard of Cartier, that’s the jewelry company right?
AA: Yeah so he was the CEO of this company so he is a really powerful person. So that’s why I follow him…so I think they’re gonna be something…you know, just start with the small small things maybe I can be something with him. And then just like…he emailed me two days ago, he was like “I’m sorry what happened, I had a reason.” But you know…
BB: He didn’t even tell you the reason after all that? Oh my God…
AA: No he didn’t even tell me the reason. So I dunno…whatever….
BB: Well, with all this stuff happening so fast are you happy with this same opportunity?
AA: I don’t miss anything, because basically what I’m doing in here I do everything by myself. And…the company never helps me out or anything, and I’m so used to doing that, so it’s okay. Like you know…I can do it. The things that…I lost my trust with the company. <<Yeah>> The next person the CEO she never hired me, I don’t know her, and I don’t know what’s gonna happen. Maybe I don’t like her style. And my old CEO, we’re so trusting of each other. Whatever I do, he just worships me, like “Sunny you’re the best you’re the best” and you know I like that here you know? But she doesn’t know anything I’m doing here, but he knows what I’m going through, because it’s not easy. I don’t think she’s experienced the mall retail, because I’m the only store manager in the United States. I don’t know what it’s gonna be.
BB: So in a way it’s a really unique experience for you, because you kind of get to drive your own way <<yeah>> and your own path <<yeah>>, right?
AA: I have to set up everything, from marketing <<wow…>> and this and this it’s a lot of work. And I don’t know if she has experience with this. I heard about her, she’s the CEO of Hanky Panky?
BB: Oh I think I’ve heard of them…wait, remind me what they make again?
AA: Hanky Panky, she’s in New York. She’s a really big…I dunno…
BB: Designer huh?
AA: Yeah, something big in New York but I’ve never met her and never talked to her, so I dunno…
BB: Haha, well I mean….
AA: <cuts me off> If it’s not working I have other options so…
BB: …if you’re going to be carving your own path right now or carving your own direction, where would you take it?
AA: …<says some stuff, can’t hear>……..When you’re doing something and you’re so good at it, nothing is interesting, it doesn’t challenge you, you’re never gonna mess up. You know what you’re doing…So I was like, start working out and I really like it a lot. So I started taking classes and stuff, so…I’m about to take a test right now.
BB: What kind of test are you taking?
AA: Oh, NASA, the personal trainer.
BB: Ok
AA: So basically that’s what I want to do eventually, but I don’t wanna take it as a full time job because I’ve loved doing it for so many years, and I’m afraid I’m going to lose the passion. <<Yeah>> I wanted to do it part time, so…unless I want to get out of retail and I can’t stand it.
BB: I mean if people are going to drop on you like a fly, then you can just go your own thing you know?
AA: I mean they can just do whatever it is that they wanna do <<hahaha>> but I need to be strong you know, so…
BB: But now you’re saying in a physical sense, if you wanna be a personal trainer.
AA: Yeah, that’s what I wanna do. That’s what I really, really wanna do.
BB: I think maybe you’ve just been watching way too much WWE, or something you know?
AA: <small laugh> Yeah, it’s definitely inspired me. I love sports. And I love to work out. I love to see the result in your body you know? And I love to hear people when I work out with them, like…wow, you worked out really good. Like I love to hear that. <<Yeah>> Like literally changing their life, it’s really what I’m going to change their life or what? I’m not gonna change their life but working out is like…
BB: Well, you’d be surprised at how many people say they wanna do it and then they just give up so easily, you know? <<Work out?>> Like “I don’t wanna put in all the work to get what I want,” or “I don’t have the right goals, you know…
AA: Oh I’m stubborn. I’m a tourist, I never give up.
BB: Exactly!
AA: I never give up! <laughing>
BB: And you shouldn’t give up, because <<yeah>>…you can’t achieve the results until you put in all the hard work
AA: And that’s what’s fun about it. You have to challenge yourself even though it’s hard but you know you have to…do it. I know….that’s why I’m like this was my hobby to go to the gym and let all of my stress out <<mmmm…>> and then I started to study it…
BB: From all the business problems that you had…
AA: Yeah, and then I go to the gym at night time and I just wanna work out and know everything what I’m doing, because it’s really interesting and I see people now, how their posture like, you know, there’s a lot of…amazing, like body builders and like<<yeah>> this is like, you know, and then there’s um…once you get into it, you can do so much, like a lot of different ways you can, you know, find out.
BB: Actually now that you mention it, your posture’s not bad.
AA: No…no, my posture’s really good.
BB: Exactly…so far… <she laughs slightly>
AA: Yeah
BB: Because you consciously did all the work to focus on that in your life.
AA: Because I have a good balance, and stabilization. And so my body says I can.
BB: Now are you saying that in a literal way or in a metaphysical way?
AA: Hahaha yeah, I mean that’s the key. You have to have the strength. I dunno, that’s why I want to show people, there are like a lot of people that want to do it for diet, or they want to lose weight. And this and that, I mean its not the whole idea but it’s about changing your lifestyle. It can’t be just one time and you just go and work out
BB: That’s what I mean! You see so many people that do it for a little while…
AA: And then they just give up
BB: And then they just quit! <<yeah, yeah>> They’re like, this is too hard, I’m not seeing results, and then they quit.
AA: Yeah, atleast like, let’s say you work out five days, you will notice yourself in three weeks, and after a month or two people’s gonna notice. It takes at least three months.
BB: Yeah…
AA: But you have to work out really hard, eat the right food and this and this. But it’s possible, but here in the United States everything is so convenient it makes people lazy.
BB: Yeah, in a way. Because you have your car and your tv and do nothing all day, but it also takes effort to do these things you want to accomplish. <<yeah…>> But what is the moment in your life where you realized that this is the way you want to push yourself?
AA: Oh, since in elementary I was a runner. I lost for a second and then I always liked to run.
BB: Ah…ha….so you mean like a track runner?
AA: Yeah, a track runner. Also I did marathons, anything that’s run I just love it. I love the feeling. <<yeah>> Because after you finish you feel like you did something. That’s how I feel every time I run a marathon.
BB: Or even after you work out or something like that, right? <<yeah, yeah>> Because when you’re lifting <<because when you finish>> this is the hardest thing in the world and I have to push myself, but I can’t do it. <<And once you finish>> And when you finish…
AA: Yeah, so…you can make your own goal what are you gonna do next time <clears throat> And then there’s so many exercises you can do, you can try do this and you can try to do that. And you can be going every day and it can be fun <<yeah>> once you start working out… So you work out?
BB: I work out too, yeah.
AA: What do you do?
BB: Um, I do a lot of lifting.
AA: Oh you do?
BB: Yeah, I guess that’s what you do too right?
AA: Yeah, that’s what I do.
BB: That’s such a unique thing to do. You know, a lot of women don’t put their…effort into that, it’s just like I’m gonna run and stay skinny.
AA: Yeah female doesn’t do that.
BB: No, it’s a good thing! It’s awesome to see because it’s like the same goal that I have…like a lot of guys don’t put enough effort into running or staying fit or running marathons and that stuff…
AA: Yeah…
<Pause>
BB: Well tell me, since you said you’ve played a lot of sports, what’s one sport that’s really stuck out in your mind? That you enjoy playing the most….
AA: Run
BB: Just running?
AA: Yeah….Run, or run. Or…OH, tennis too. I used to play tennis too I used to play with my dad.
BB: It seems like a family thing like your siblings enjoy it too..
AA: Yeah, and then I also want to learn actually golf. Because a lot of Korean friends like ask me to go golfing, so I say “maybe yes” <<hahah>>
BB: Yeah actually my Korean friend Chris he also plays a lot of golf too. It seems like a good way to network in your business you know?
AA: Social, yeah, more like social, yeah….
BB: Well, I’ll tell you that I used to do cross country a while back, and…I was just amazed at the kind of peace of mind it puts yourself in. <<yeah>> Is that the kind of thing that you experience when you’re running?
AA : Yeah, yeah…um…you don’t think about anything when you do it. You just focus on your goal, like…you know, how many miles am I gonna run today. And once you finish then you…
BB: Then you’re on to the next thing?
AA: I feel like it’s my whole day where I did something productive, I dunno, that’s just me because it’s my lifestyle. Some people don’t know that they’re working out, it’s just working out, it’s just too much of a, you know, effort.
BB: You seem like you live your life pretty fast. I’d say a lot of people in this area live their life pretty slow.
AA: Here, in Maryland? In Rockville?
….
AA: I used to live in Seoul. So compared to the big city so yeah, but compared to the big city. I used to live in Baltimore.
BB: Wait, so it sounds like you’ve lived in a lot of different places in your life.
...

 

[Grand Pooba]

About 10 approaches yesterday in the mall in the span of an hour, did it with a friend and we watched each other and critiqued our process. My goal this time wasn't to get any numbers, but instead just talk to girls and work on my humor and framing, and ALSO get comfortable with asking "are you single?" as there is no reason I should be afraid of this. I realize I am not keeping up as hard with my fundamentals now and keep losing focus on these when approaching, so thus missing out in critical opportunities in the way that I come off with girls.

I have to keep my posture straight and my shoulders back.
I have to maintain a smile with strong eye contact.
I have to have a deep and resonant voice. This was by far the biggest problem: I noticed on frequent approaches I raised the pitch of my voice to make it sound less deep and manly. Whenever I did that, I didn't get anywhere.

Approaching girls in a mall is hard, though. It seems a great many do keep their walls up to men in this environment. Perhaps not super ideal as a place to meet girls, despite there being many of them around.

I had a LR- this past Saturday, I will be writing and posting that soon.

 

[ocantu1987]

About 10 approaches yesterday in the mall in the span of an hour, did it with a friend and we watched each other and critiqued our process. My goal this time wasn't to get any numbers, but instead just talk to girls and work on my humor and framing, and ALSO get comfortable with asking "are you single?" as there is no reason I should be afraid of this. I realize I am not keeping up as hard with my fundamentals now and keep losing focus on these when approaching, so thus missing out in critical opportunities in the way that I come off with girls.

I have to keep my posture straight and my shoulders back.
I have to maintain a smile with strong eye contact.
I have to have a deep and resonant voice. This was by far the biggest problem: I noticed on frequent approaches I raised the pitch of my voice to make it sound less deep and manly. Whenever I did that, I didn't get anywhere.

Approaching girls in a mall is hard, though. It seems a great many do keep their walls up to men in this environment. Perhaps not super ideal as a place to meet girls, despite there being many of them around.

I had a LR- this past Saturday, I will be writing and posting that soon.

ozz your an approach machine haha well done. I have used the "are you single" line several times now and can say that every girl answered me strait, just like any other question (so nothing to worry about) I don't start a conversation with "are you single" instead I talk about other things here and there then I ask, they always reply politely. I am making it a part of my game to always ask this question since I hate girls with boyfriends, I don't want to deal with so much difficulty, so i cast them out when they are in a relationship. I hate malls too haha girls are less open, but I am thinking of trying it out myself again (mall game)

 

[Grand Pooba]

I don't start a conversation with "are you single" instead I talk about other things here and there then I ask, they always reply politely. I am making it a part of my game to always ask this question since I hate girls with boyfriends, I don't want to deal with so much difficulty, so i cast them out when they are in a relationship.

Yeah I don't think it's good to start off on, but sometimes good to interject in especially so you're not wasting you time if she's just playing you: making it seem that she's interested when she really just wants some attention. I've had that happen a few times.

On the other hand, some girls with boyfriends would probably still sleep with you in the right circumstances, and some girls may even say they have one when they actually don't, a way of ending the interaction, so there must be a better way methinks.

 

[Ryan]

Didn't know you were only a few months into this/a beginner like me. It doesn't show in what you write- you give out such good advice, i thought you had years of experience :/
i'm impressed with your high rate of approaches (i generally never do more than 6) and you're doing 10 some days. Keep it up! Sounds like everything is progressing great so far

 

[Grand Pooba]

Didn't know you were only a few months into this/a beginner like me. It doesn't show in what you write- you give out such good advice, i thought you had years of experience :/
i'm impressed with your high rate of approaches (i generally never do more than 6) and you're doing 10 some days. Keep it up! Sounds like everything is progressing great so far

Thanks, Ryan. Yeah, it's only been about two months since seriously buckling down to follow and truly learn the process on GC, so I'm definitely a n00b; I've been actively trying to improve myself with girls for almost two years now and was using someone in my family as a coach back then (whose overall process coincidentally matched a lot of what's on this website, what really sold me). I've had my share of big screw ups in the last five years. I think it helped give perspective on some things =).

Still LOTS to learn, I think the only things I feel really comfortable in is approaching, getting numbers/texting for dates, and to a degree intimacy; the way I am running dates, building attraction, etc is still poor.

 

[Grand Pooba]

I've been taking a break from approaching in the last week or so, as I feel I've reached a point where studying more and learning new material to apply is essential. But even with that in mind, I still feel a NEED to approach whenever I am outside. I can't really describe it, I just want to, it's like I release something in my body and I crave it after I get over the initial fear.

On the flipside, in the last few approaches I have done, while I have gotten numbers I am not able to set up dates, nor are they responsive to these texts. This means there is some kind of lack of balance in the way I am approaching and presenting myself, and I need to get to the bottom of it.

In the last week I have approached only about ten women, and nearly all of them were when I didn't intend to but the situation felt appropriate. Notable ones:

Starbucks on Tuesday:
I'm sitting there working and studying GC, when I look around and make eye contact with a cute girl across the coffee shop. She smiled back at my smile, then turned to look at her laptop and soon after she moved near where I was sitting, directly in my line of sight. I didn't hesitate - she was wearing purple pants and I immediately went to her table and pre-opened her and told her that I noticed her style and really like how refreshing it is. She thanked me, and then I asked if I could sit with her for a bit. She moved her back out of the seat closest to her and we talked for a little while. Unfortunately I had plans already to leave the area in about three hours, and also had to go home and pack before heading to catch a bus. Now, I COULD HAVE delayed my plans as I hadn't even booked anything yet, but mainly I just WANTED to get to my destination by a certain time. Thus, it's questionable to me that I deferred. This girl was just at starbucks doing homework, and in about 15 minutes we got to deep dive about her travels, where she's from and where she's lived, what she studies (public health) and why that inspires her. All in all I got a good amount of attention from her but cut it short. I told her we should meet for coffee and grabbed her number, but haven't heard back.

I should have:
- Taken her out for a walk outside as a way of her taking a break, but in reality it would have been a good compliance test and way for her to feel more connected to me before I left.
- I could have potentially delayed my plans and spent more time with her.

On a train on Thursday:
I'm sitting on a train minding my own business, when as it stops at a midway station a cute girl gets on while chatting loudly on her cell phone. She picks a seat in the row right in front of me, but as she gets in our eyes meet and we HOLD EYE CONTACT for about four seconds while she's on the phone. At this point my blank expression spread into a warm smile. Anyway, I didn't feel like talking to her at all, but then I remembered that GC says to approach and do things even when you don't feel like it, for the sake of not being lazy and making excuses. So later on where she turned to get something from her bag I looked at her over the seat and did my approach: "Hey, I noticed earlier that you were noticing me, and I thought that we should meet. What's your name?" Anyway, we talk a little bit about where she has lived and such, and what she does and what inspired her to live in my city. She cut it short because she said she wanted to put on make up on the train before going out with friends, so I told her no problem, I'd like to get to know her better and that we should get coffee sometime. She says she has a boyfriend, I tell her "who says I was looking for a girlfriend?" Then I hand my phone through the seat, and she looks me for a second and asks me "is it okay that I have a boyfriend?" I look at her with a poker face and tell her that I'd like to get to know her better, but if she wants we can just remain strangers on a train. She looks at me blankly and after a pause I tell her to hand me back the phone, then as she gives it back she says "okay what the hell" and starts putting it in, but then changes her mind and said she'll just give me her card and I should email her. I accept and wish her a good ride, emailing her on route.

I should have:
- Taken a little more time to get her number anyway.
- Not worried about her boyfriend.

Today on the street:
Notice a cute girl on the street, probably a few years older than me. She's stylish and has nice hair, looks like some kind of asian mix. I thought she was cute but didn't want to approach, and I'm with my cousin and his family. Anyway, somehow in about five minutes I keep running into her on this street, even after turning onto a different street. On the fourth time I decide "fuck it" and went for it: "Hey, I noticed you, and I just HAD to tell you that I really like your style." "Haha, thanks." "No I mean that, you're wearing a patterned beige jacket in a city that just loves wearing black all the time. It's a good look." Anyway, I start the process of finding out more about her: a real estate agent who has just moved to a new apartment nearby and is just going to shop for bathroom supplies. I ask her about all the trouble she's going to cause at Home Depot and she laughed. We chat on the street for five minutes, at an intersection where we have to go opposite directions. I tell her I'd like to get to know her better and we should get coffee, she says yes but also says she'll get my number rather than giving hers. I tell her I bet she doesn't give out her number, she laughed and said no. Then I told her "Yeah, normally you don't give out your number...but today you will." She laughed, and after another minute of talking she did. A few more minutes of conversation: we agree to meet after Thanksgiving and after each sharing our ethnicity.

I should have:
- Found out what she's doing later after going to Home Depot.
- Tried to get her to meet me for coffee after both of us had finished doing whatever, as I had to get lunch with my family but was free for three hours after that.
- She seemed like she wasn't doing much, I probably could have done something with that...like freaking taken her HOME after coffee! ARRGGGHH...


Lessons:
- I really, really need to get better at thinking and making decisions ON THE FLY. If there is one huge skill I wish to learn from this journey, it is how to do that in order to maximize the results in dating and life that I want.
- I must, MUST follow process.

----

Trying to write this as a FR, but I went on a date Wednesday and had a girl that wanted to come home with me. Except I live far away and logistics became an issue. After reading the articles on frames it has helped me a lot, and I ran this date smoothly and she told me straight up she would have gone home with me that night had I not been living an hour away (and two hours from her own house, where she had to be because she lives with her parents). And it's cold outside, so outdoors is impossible right now, shit.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Oh man, last night was perhaps the roughest night out for meeting women I've ever had. It reminded me exactly of when I was first starting out and nothing was working, and even though I've come a ways since then in my process and understanding, this night was just rough and I left it feeling like I had been run over by a steamroller five times over, chewed and spit out. It was extremely difficult to stay upbeat and positive after all this though I tried HARD to stop negative thoughts and stay positive, so maybe this is a mindset issue.

I went out to a Beer Garden for about two hours from about 10:00pm till around 12:15am in the morning; at 12:15 I decided I had had enough and just wanted to go home. I've never felt so on the verge of giving up, but state control and independence, as well as permanently getting over my long time depression, are journeys I have only recently begun in the context of my life and am getting better acquainted with.

I talked to between 10 and 12 women last night, and lost count somewhere in there because I was clearly just out of the correct mindset, and would forget things as simple as a name only moments after she told me. I think part of the reason this was happening is because I was extremely hesitant going on: at around 7 or 8pm I really just wasn't feeling like going out and while trying to really get myself into the proper mindset subconsciously I just didn't want to do it. I went ahead and did it anyway but those earlier thoughts probably masked every single facial expression, body language, and word coming out of my mouth. Out of those interactions I was only able to leave with one phone number. It's doubtful I'll hear from her, but we'll see.

Also a focus of practice was being wittier, funnier, and playing with frames (me as being nonjudgmental and open)

So anyway onto some interactions:

Standing around the beer garden just hanging out and scanning the room, talking with a friend or two once in a while. Yup, in retrospect never a good thing to do, better to seem busy. I should practice peripheral vision more.

First girl was very, very open to my approach as I told her I loved her unique jacket and we got to talking about her style and where she's from, but then out of nowhere comes the boyfriend about five minutes later. This type of situation happened numerous times. She keeps wanting to talk to me though, but now her boyfriend is also there and I have to include him in everything while staying upbeat and positive. They walked away soon enough.

Second interaction was two sisters from England. I could never get this going despite them being warm on my approach, I couldn't understand what they were saying half the time! I made a joke about how it would never work out between us, which got laughs but definitely couldn't get going on the HOOK: what they do (which she told me but I didn't know what to do with it) and why she's here/where she lives/what she does for fun. And to make it worse I forgot their names. I went back to my wall.

A weird moment happened at one point where a cute petite girl was walking by with her friend arm in arm, and made STRONG eye contact and HELD it as she's moving past for about three or four seconds and grabbed MY hand as she was walking by and held it as if she was going to kiss it and held that as well. Goddamn, I don't KNOW why I didn't do anything to follow her or pull her into me to talk, I guess this is the part where it's being out of state and things just aren't automatic and natural. I didn't see her again that night.

Third interaction was a total bust from the get go.

And here I began practicing approaching girls sitting down:

Girl four was in a group of four girls who all turned out to be married and visiting from out of town. She seemed into it but I didn't push at all, why I am not sure. I should have maybe tried to isolate her.

Girl five and six...ah, this one was interesting and weird. Two girls sitting at the bar looking like they're having the time of their life. I approach by tapping one and telling her that I'd really like to have whatever they're having since it looks like they're having so much fun. Girl five here was being very difficult, and wouldn't tell me her name (she said it's "izquierda derecha"...hahaha) and then made up some story about how they're twin sisters (when they look nothing alike). I caught onto this and tried to be humorous on my own but clearly this needs work. Girl six on the other hand was a sweetheart on the other hand. At some points they both left to go to the bathroom leaving me to talk with each of them at a time. Girl six was first (and I forgot her name already, the theme of the night), and we talked a lot about her hometown and her crazy friend, and found out she's a nurse. All in all good, but things changed when her friend came back and Girl six went to the bathroom. Now I was just dealing with a crazy woman, who kept making fun of me non-stop and kept trying to take a picture of me to send to her friend so that "we can get married," because apparently that's all we like to do. I guess she had a lot of preconceptions about me off the bat here, and I never got into a zone where I could playfully and tastefully make fun of her back. My responses in combative situations aren't tasteful, I guess I need to work on that. Eventually I just left, I was blown out at this point.

Girl seven went pretty well compared to everyone else that night, I ended up getting her number. She was sitting down and I told her that she had the best hairstyle I've seen all day, then asked her name and what she's doing here. Hers was Jessica, and it turned out all her friends, two girls and one guy) who were at the table with her, their names also started with a J. I joked that she only must be friends with people whose names start with a J, and we spent a bunch of time joking over her home state and asking her about all the trouble she's been causing there. I grounded myself by kneeling on the floor as their was no room on this table, but either way despite my own moments of extreme awkwardness and inability to flow conversation well, she seemed to be having a reasonably good time. I left at some point and came back ten minutes later telling her to come to the bar with me for a minute so that we can get to know each other more, but at this point she was done with her drink and they were all about to leave for another place. I then took out my phone and had her give me her number, saying I'd like to get to know her better after thanksgiving.

There were a bunch of meetings (girls 8 and 9) after this that went nowhere. And accidentally, I also reapproached the girls from the third interaction, this went terribly as now it seemed like I was just spitting out lines and they were ALL making fun of me, like seven girls pointing at me. Hahaha, man, if there's a way to come off as not smooth, this was it. I tried to make the most of it but eventually left, only to later see someone better than me grab that same girl's phone number after talking with her for half an hour.

Girl ten, sat down with her and talked for a while. She was tough to talk with as I. I had some stupid comments in this interaction, when I once said that I'm a good bullshitter and she was really taken aback, because evidently she's an honest girl. Asked her a lot about her trouble, but this was tough. We talked for a good half hour or so when things really started to die down. I guessed that she's from Polynesia and the Equator (a total joke) when she was really middle eastern, which I thought was funny but she wasn't having it so much. I went for a number but she said no, outright, because she's "seeing someone." I asked her for feedback in the end and she told me I was pretty good at keeping the conversation going, but the bullshit phrase really was weird.

Girl eleven, really cute girl and my type, strong eye contact with her group of friends. We're getting along just fine until fifteen minutes later it turns out her boyfriend is sitting at the next table, and she got up to go sit with him. Damn, better to find this out earlier than later.

Girl twelve, from abroad and very young, visiting for a few months to learn English. Couldn't move her or anything, she just walked away. And then I was done....



Conclusion: In the end I think I came off as a try hard, with "lines" and not smooth or natural. State and mental health matters.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Quick post before bed:

Went to a meetup, which actually deals with sexual expression and thus has a lot of open minded women. Talked to a good eight or so girls tonight, set up two dates after the holidays as I'm traveling for a while, got about four or five numbers to connect with later on. One of the numbers happened after giving a woman "A" a massage after the meetup: she just melted into the seat after like ten minutes and this attracted immediately the attention of other women around me. One specifically came over to talk and wanted to hang out more just because of this, but not tonight as she just came in from out of town, so we've set up plans to meet over coffee in two weeks <hmm, could I have pushed to go to her place with her? Maybe I should have tried...>. Another girl in this group flaked on me over the weekend by not responding to a text, but when she saw me at this meetup again she seemed much warmer and kissed me on the cheek with a tighter hug before leaving. All in all these two seem like promising prospects.

Later in the night, "A" and I are leaving, when we see a guy leave with two girls and just invites everyone out to a bar with him. Well, only "A" and I followed, so now it's five of us chilling over drinks. I pretty much have "A" handled because I came with her, and gave her a great massage, and I can see she's into me. Meanwhile, the other guy has one girl "B" totally into him and her friend "C" is pretty into him as well but seems to be the odd one out. Maybe the guy was vying for a threesome. Somewhere in this night the dynamic shifted with me talking to "C" sitting to my right and we're in a pretty intense conversation, and "A" and "B" talking while "B" is slowly massaging the other guy's leg while he's listening to "C" and I talk. I hope that's somewhat clear but this was a bizarro situation. The other guy has the X Factor...he is just like a magnet for women, he's tall and he's funny and seems completely comfortable in his skin, while also having the appeal of "B" and they clearly seem like lovers. He'd been attracting women allllll night long. "C" seems to also have a thing for this guy but at the same time her and I are engaged in a good conversation. I dropped quite a few chase and sexual frames as, by nature of this group, we're talking about sexual expression.

The conversation with "C" happened as we drifted into talking about drinks, to where we're from, to our travels, to more about this meetup. At some point the other guy chimed in and now the three of us are talking, which didn't help my case much as he's just better and more natural at this than I am, while I'm still learning. "C" seemed to be more intent on listening to him than me, but he body language was more poised to my direction. I was chasing for her attention at this point and felt like the guy was competition. At some point "A" had to leave and I kissed her goodbye outside. Supposed to see her tomorrow for said meetup.

Some key sexual frames:

"C" says something about her friend coming somewhere to meet her..."you just can't help yourself, can you?"
"C" says something about something blowing up..."well, there goes your mind thinking like that again, like we said before I guess you just can't help it."

I ask where "C" lives, and she lives alone. She shows me a pic of her view, and I tell her that now that she's shown me I just HAVE to see it, because it's amazing. Later, as it's a cold night, I suggest a massage on the spot, she says "here?", to which I say "well, we don't have to do it here....and you just have to show me your place" and she thinks about it while laughing and replies that she's not sure because she has an early morning tomorrow. I tell her I have to wake up earlier than her, then do a yes ladder: "Aren't you having a good time tonight? (yes)...and don't you think the night's too young to end? (yes)...then maybe we should let it continue, don't you think? (no, I think tonight I really want to be well rested)...then I guess I'll just have to get to know you better over a coffee sometime. What do you think?" She first politely declines and implies that while I'm great to connect with she doesn't really beyond that way to me. I convince her to go with me after some persistence but she also butts in "just for coffee and nothing else" once. It's getting close to the point where we all want to leave, and it seems that the guy, "B" and "C" are all headed in the same direction, while I am not.

I noticed a very strong difference in body language between me and "C", and the guy and "B": the former felt friendly and distant, while the latter they were hugging...no actually, the GIRL was ALL OVER the guy and he wasn't doing anything, she was doing all the work. At this point it really hit me what "law of least effort" is and also that I'm freaking chasing after "C" and she knows it, and I've put myself in this hole with her and I'm not sure what I can do. All I could do with "C" was a tight hug, and even then she did it around my upper back and not near my waist. Meanwhile, I don't know what this other guy is doing, in fact he is doing NOTHING and "B" is still ALL OVER him.

We walk outside towards the subway and this is EVEN more clear to me now..."B" is arms in with the guy with his hands in his own pockets; "C" is walking next to me but we're six inches to a foot apart and it's just friendly. Ugh. As we part ways at the subway, the three of them taking the same line, I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek and she actually grabbed my hands here and held them out and wide like we're something. Maybe in this instant she had changed her mind but I couldn't do much, I guess I was going home alone. I try hard not to be jealous.

 

[Grand Pooba]

It has been 60 days since I started my journal. Wow, time flies.

I have spent two weeks not really doing much. I was just reading and reviewing the article on effort aversion, and it made me realize that I've been averting effort. I haven't scheduled in time to go out, and I haven't been focused as hard as I was before two weeks ago. It shows: I feel more fearful of approaching and it's more unnatural, and I haven't done it in a week aside from one girl. Not good. I am going to change this lack of effort. I haven't been approaching consistently in the last two weeks, and it's showing.

I am going to go out four times in the next five days and approach 8 women each time. Ideally three of these will be day game, and one will be at night.
I evidently have a second date this Saturday evening, with the girl I had an insta-date with at the mall. We'll see how this works out.

I have mainly spent the last two weeks doing a lot of studying of material, mainly trying to address my current weaknesses.

Here's what I've studied:
Mental Toughness
"The Success Factor" - Projecting the X Factor, Vibe, Maintaining Good State Control
Frame Control
Being a Sexual Man
How to Use Sexual Frame
Chase Framing
Predict People's Behavior
**Sexual Tension**
ESP Model of Sexual Escalation
Attraction Has an Expiration Date
What Happens when you Don't Have Sex
Girls changing their mind
**Social Pressure**
Screening Logistics in Advance
Dealing With Failure
What To Do To Get Past a Sticking Point
Effort Aversion

To Do This Week:
Day 3 & 4 Technician Diagnostic E-Book
Using Compliance Tests

It is now time that I will do field work exclusively and set goals to achieve, and utilize/review what I've learned practically and see what I've discovered in process.

Interim Goals, now until Jan 5
Continue to Refine:
- Approach Anxiety
- Maintaining consistency in my approaches: this is a present problem, I have trouble putting myself into the right state ahead of time, and there is an inconsistency in my fundamentals with all my approaches as I do only a few parts of everything most of the time.
- The biggest issue is my voice, which I am working to permanently deepen and make sexy, but frequently when I don't think about it I use my regular voice which is higher pitched and prone to speaking too fast and mumbling especially in the beginning.
- Dampen initial nervousness and project sexy vibe at the outset.

Focused Improvement:
- Reaching the hook point
- Moving girls on the spot
- Compliance screening
- Focus on repartee: I will make two witty remarks within the first two minutes of meeting every girl, I will make two sexual/chase frames within the first five minutes.
- Focus on rapport: Talk more about emotions, keep conversations interesting by switching topics, convey being a sexual man, focus on her and keep myself a mystery.
- ONE week focused exclusively of three 3-hr outings focused exclusively on value (homework)
- Three outings focused on investment (homework)

Interim Longer Goals, now until start of February 2014:
Continue to Actively Pursue and Develop:
- Be a sexual man
- Chase framing
- Using sexual framing
- Building sexual tension
- Using social pressure
- Deal with failure and assess sticking points
- Three more outings focused on investment (homework)

Longer Term (start process now):
- X Factor
- End Depression
- Figure out how to go back to her place consistently (until I have my own place)
- Manage logistics ahead of time

 

[Grand Pooba]

I had one approach this morning at 7:30am which I should have done very differently. I saw a cute, tall redhead girl waiting on the metro platform, and I passed her without saying anything but making some eye contact and a subtle smile. I waited further down; she happened to board the same car as me and we sat across from each other, as we both walked to the middle of the train. I opened with my eyes, intentionally looking at her with a blank stare and subtle smile, and when she met mine I said "I just had to tell you that I really like the color of your purse..." which was a teal blue, and she said "haha thanks," and I replied "did you match it with your eyes on purpose?" as her eyes were also a blue color, and to this she laughed a little more and said "its my favorite color." I asked her name and we started talking about how her weekend was, and got to deep dive to her being from the California area and loving skiing; she asked about all my luggage and I told her I'm not from around here, I'm going home but I grew up in the area. She pointed out that she has luggage like mine, I take that to be a subtle IOI. Unbeknownst to me, her stop was next (just one stop away), and suddenly she got up and started to exit and said "have a good day" on her way out.

I didn't budge. But I should have just gotten off there and taken a chance with her and waited for the next train. I should have just gotten off immediately and said "Hey [XYZ], wait a minute..." and proceeded to tell her that I know she's on her way to work, and I have to catch my bus, but I think she's cute and charming, and I'd like to get to know her better when I'm back in town, and gone for the number close. At the worst I would have gotten rejected and had to wait for a train in three minutes. But instead I didn't do anything. My gut instinct was to get up, but I ignored it and it wasn't strong enough.

Inaction sucks. I do this all the time, where I don't listen to my gut or just go with the spontaneous decision and immediate instinct, or take the immediate opportunity. How can I train myself to do this?

 

[Marty]

Ozzo:

Two books for you, if you really want to get deep into this:

Malcolm Gladwell: Blink

Charles Duhigg: The Power of Habit

-Marty

 

[Grand Pooba]

Marty,

Two books for you, if you really want to get deep into this:

Malcolm Gladwell: Blink

Charles Duhigg: The Power of Habit

Thanks for these book suggestions; I hadn't heard of either, but I'll be moving forward with these in mind.



Field Report: 131205

Eight approaches were done on transportation – airports waiting areas, in flight, in line at airports, airport cafes, on a train, and in the subway. I got three phone numbers, of which probably none will ever materialize.
It took quite a bit of willpower to get myself going again after this extended break from approaching. Judging by yesterday it’s going to be

Girl 1:
I had twenty minutes before my flight was going to board, so I walked around the airport area a little bit, saw a cute girl sitting down by herself, so I sat one seat away from her, and engaged by tapping her on the shoulder. Got to deep dive quite a bit and I had her show me some of her interesting rings on her hand. This is the reason I gave for wanting to talk to her. This was a good compliance test, because she complied. Anyway, I got her number, but what can you really do when you’re both on different flights going to totally different cities? She was going to Mexico, me to the Northeast. I’ll probably never see her again.

Girl 2:
This one was interesting. My flight was pretty much mostly empty but there were a number of sexy girls on board, sitting all alone. There was one cutie two seats up on the aisle; before the closure of the door I got up to go to the bathroom and on the way back I sat across the aisle from her and told her that she had the most cute pair of shoes I’d seen. I then pointed out that they were the same color as mine (I should have waited for her to point this out, actually). We had a good rapport going, then I got up to go back to my seat when the conversation started to get stale, telling her that we should continue to get to know each other when we’re on the flight. I got her phone number; turns out she’s Colombian and is only in town for five days, of which I am there for only one or two.
I had set the wrong frames with her—I think she was thinking of me more as a friend because I wasn’t setting quite the right types of sexual and chase frames.
Anyway, in the flight I got up and approached her, and told her to come sit next to me. She instead had me come sit next to her, and had to move all her stuff over and go into the window seat and put everything down. In retrospect, this was silly, I don’t know why I accepted her frame, and even in the middle of the process I told myself I wasn’t going to accept her frame to sit next to her, and instead wanted to have her come sit next to me. It would have been simpler for both of us, but she didn’t want to and gave some weird excuse, and I accepted this frame. It was dumb. Anyway, I got to deep dive a lot about her hopes and dreams. Eventually she had to get up to go to the bathroom. I told her to come sit next to me when she came back, at MY seat.

She complied on the way back. She started talking about how nice it is to make a friend on the flight, and that I’m such a nice guy. God, I hate hearing those words now. It feels truly awful to hear “friend” and “nice guy” in the same sentence. Anyway, I told her “I’m nice, but I’m not that nice…” when I should have said “not too nice, I hope?” I played the hand game with her, and had her pick objects in the plane. I guess hers twice, and she didn’t guess mine at all. This may have had the opposite effect of the intention; I did get close to her and touched her on the leg a bunch of times as I was making points, but also pushed her away when it became clear my romantic intentions. She said she had to go back to her seat and finish her work; I hugged her tight and kissed her on the cheek goodbye, but I didn’t feel the right kind of tension in the hug on her end.

It’s still cool to be able to move women around on a plane, but I would have preferred joining the mile high club ;-).

Girl 3:
Older woman I met in line, then after she finished led her to a lounge next door. It's funny, another guy was trying to talk to her and was waiting to take her to chat as well, but I got her first by dominantly leading her away with me as we just watched passively. Had her sit with me at a beer bar because both our flights were now in three hours. I had already had one cancellation, which was soon to turn into three. She kept asking questions about me, and also me with her. She left after she wanted to go do work, but we talked for about 45min. It was mainly friendly.

Girl 4:
My second flight got cancelled and I ended up back in line, which this time was longer. I saw a cute girl in front of me, and I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she was going anywhere interesting. She was somewhat receptive, but over time it became pretty clear she had zero interest. Whether it’s my fundamentals that were off or just because she isn’t attracted to me, I don’t know, but basically every time I would try to talk to her and ask her something, she would answer it and then shut me out and keep looking at her phone. This girl was a freshman college student from Maryland who goes to school in Florida, but apparently hates the school she goes to because it’s too small, there’s no football, and it’s not a party school. She’d rather go to Arizona State or something like that and wants to transfer, and evidently her favorite hobby is lying by the pool and tanning.

But again, every time I said something, she’d look at me and answer excitedly, but then would dismiss me and go back to texting on her phone; her body language was virtually never facing me.

It’s funny, I ended up with her in the same line again later because she was on the same rebooked flight as me, and that one ALSO got cancelled.

Conclusion:
I’m not her type.

Girl 5:
She ignored me.

Girl 6:
Approached a girl on an Amtrak train. Noticed her sitting across the aisle from me working virtually the entire ride, but had very sexy legs. I am a legs guy….*shudder*…so I thought I would approach her when she’s getting off. As it turns out, both the seats between us emptied about 20min before the destination, and she was back to work but there’s nothing between us. So I approached by leaning across my seat and asking her if she knew what time the train gets into the city. She replied something about her not knowing, but I proceeded to ask her name and make an introduction. I then asked if I could sit next to her, and when she accepted I told her “you know, I actually know when this train gets in, but I noticed you and just HAD to tell you that you have the sexiest hair I’ve seen all day.” She laughed a bit and was taken aback slightly, but said thanks, and I told her that I’ve seen she’s been working all day and looks like there’s plenty more to do.

Some good deep diving going on, we connected to a degree but here I ran into the problem of not wanting to share a lot about myself. She asked me where I live, I told her I grew up in the area but I’m not going to tell her. I had her try to guess, she guessed two cities and I told her it’s one of them. She laughed. Anyway, have to be more strategic with this.

Asked her what she’s doing later and all, she sounded busy, then I went for the coffee date, but it turns out she has a boyfriend. She said she could give me her number to be friends (righhhht), but I ignored it and continued the earlier conversation. I exited gracefully after five minutes. Ran into her again on the platform to seek advice for where to go out in DC. That was nice.

Girl 7:
Saw a girl get on the metro with me. There was a brief moment of eye contact, but I wasn’t smiling so she didn’t smile either. I happened to sit right behind her by coincidence. I tapped her on the shoulder and remarked about her very unique moccasin looking shoes. She said thanks, asked me where I’m from as she’s wrapping up her headset (presumably to talk more). I find out she’d getting off in one stop, and I’m not. We had barely talked about anything besides her being from Jordan in the Middle East. I try to go for the close but I botched the whole thing: “Well, I think you’re really cool…” and she blurts out loudly “YEAH, I am really cool!” I was taken aback, and didn’t know how to respond. I just ended it…I was leaning in before, and I leaned back and just put on my headphones. I could tell the whole train had heard this, there was a guy standing who was smiling for the next five minutes probably laughing in his head. I was both sore, but also laughed a bit. She got off in a minute or two anyway, but didn’t look back my way or anything. She didn’t put on her headphones till one minute later.

Conclusion:
I framed the close in the wrong manner, and there probably was just not enough time.
Fix eye contact and facial manner, clearly I need to appear happier and smile more.

Girl 8:
This came right after the debacle of Girl 7, so I was left mentally unsound after that experience and was pretty much going to call it a day (despite not meeting my target of 8). I was getting off the metro and going through the fare gates when I saw this very attractive latina in business attire going the other way looking my way, and then I looked back in my peripherals and saw that she came back out my way. I had a ton of luggage so I paused outside and started shifting around some stuff. She came to my right and I made eye contact and held it with a smile. She first looked away but then looked back and smiled right back. I immediately tapped her on the shoulder and she paused as I said “I just had to tell you that you have the best style I’ve seen all day,” and she smiled and started walking away playfully laughing that she just got off a long day of work. She kept walking off. I had all my stuff so I couldn’t go anywhere, I yelled at her “what’s your name?” as she’s walking away, and she said “<NAME!>” but didn’t stop. Now I was in the moment very confused with what to do in this situation: chase after her and leave my stuff, or yell at her to stop, but in the process I did neither. All of this happened in maybe five or ten seconds, so it was extremely fast, and by the time I got to bring all my stuff up she was already up another flight of stairs walking away.

Now, I should have told her to wait a second: “Hey, <NAME>! Wait one second.” And tried to set up something on the spot after she got off a long day of work, the “just a minute” situation I’ve seen Chase talk about, or at the very least tried to get her number. But all of this happened so fast and she walked away so fast that I didn’t know what to do, even though the attraction seemed to be there.

General Things to consider:
- Sitting next to the girl: if there is a seat between us I should consider moving myself, or ideally even better have her move to me.
- I talk about weather a little too much. Sometimes the conversation winds its way to this, but this is something I should thoroughly avoid.
- Social momentum is huge. Not going out for two weeks cost me a great deal of experience.

Field Report 131206
Number of venues for approaches: 3 (though we went to six or seven)
Number of approaches done tonight: between 11 and 15 (not sure of the count)
Any results: One blow-out/failed pull; one phone number.

Went out with a friend and we spent about five hours going around to different bars talking to different girls. It was a rainy and cold night so most places were dead, but the few girls.

Notable girls

“C” (friend fuck up):

My friend was hitting it off with a waitress at this French bistro café. It’s usually a fun spot on a Friday night, but that night they had nothing going on. Anyway, he’s been deep diving her and asks for her number eventually, telling her he’s gonna get her out of there because she works too much. She says yeah, she’d like that and she has lots of friends. I chime in: “Yeah, we can go on a double date or something.” Big mistake, she backfires “whoa, who said it was a date?” And my friend tried to save it, “no, no, trust me, we’re just gonna hang out and have a fun time.” Not really my smoothest moment, and definitely got the night off on a pretty bad start.

I don’t know why I wanted to do this double date thing…I mean, she was really, really attractive, and I bet she has cute friends. But for a large part of it she was also giving me some crazy eye contact even though she was talking to my friend. I guess there really is a lot of communication that can happen with your eyes.

After this I felt kind of crappy.


“E/H/T”:
Friend and I opened a group of three girls, whom were there for one of their birthdays. She had on really striking red stockings and I remarked that they’re the most striking stockings I’ve seen all day with a pre-open, and we engaged them. I had her compliance me when she said her nails matched, and I had her show me. This was tough because of the three girls, one was just unattractive and overweight (though arguably had the best vibe, funny how that works), the birthday girl was fairly neutral, but the third was just cold and very, very hard to work with. I understand that these are the most fun when you can crack them, but she was certainly a tough nut to crack. My friend tried all night with her and failed.

I failed big time when I engaged birthday girl “E” and got her talking, but tried two compliance tests that fell flat. The first was that she was sipping hot cider, and I asked to try it. She didn’t give it to me and said she’s sick, and I said it would be terrible if everything just spread around the group. Then we went back to talking, but later I told her it’s kind of loud here and we should go sit at the bench right behind her. I tried to grab her hand and lead her, but she didn’t give it to me. And then when I went back to the bench I told her to come, but she didn’t and as this was happening all three girls were dead silent and everyone was looking awkwardly at me. I didn’t talk to her the rest of the night, blew the whole thing apart.

Good lessons though, probably didn’t build enough attraction or intrigue to warrant her leaving her friends group and sit alone with me. It was too soon. This was the low point of the night, it kept going up from here.

“A”
We switch venues, I see a girl leaning at the bar all by herself and approach. We made eye contact on the approach, she looked away to her right while I went around her back to her left side and then did the pre-open with “I just had to tell you that you have the most gorgeous hair I’ve seen all day.” Things are going really well with this girl from the very start, she’s making crazy sexy eye contact flirting, laughing, and our faces are definitely in each other’s personal zones. I have her give me a sip of her drink as a compliance test. We’re talking about where she’s lived in the world and on the topic of her being from Florida, she just out of the blue drops: “I live a mile up this street,” followed by an extended pause. It was completely out of the blue, and she was fairly drunk. I knew what this meant but I didn’t really know what to do with it. I continued the topic for a minute or two longer before suggesting we move to a quieter area by the side of this venue. She declined even though her mannerisms were the same and I had my arm around her. Soon after she turned away from me and talked to a girl, and I left. I was confused.

I came back soon after and told her straight up “let’s go,” she said “where?” and I said “you said you live a mile up the street, we can get a nightcap around here.” This was naturally too obvious. She said “no, I have to go find my friends” and then she went away. Blow out.

So now half an hour later I’m talking to other girls, and “A” shows up! She has me spin her around, and now she’s even more drunk than before, she’s stumbling around. But we have a bit of a sexual vibe going. Nevertheless, I blew the set with the girl I was talking to, and went for her, and we’re hanging out by the bar but not saying a word. Looking into her eyes, but she’s half bored and there’s not much I can think of saying. I go for a kiss, she just says “I have to go find my boyfriend” and then it ALL CLICKS. Something’s going on there, and I noticed earlier that she was flirting with another dude. That must be the BF. Maybe things aren’t going well with him.

Later in the night we saw them leave together, her crying. Probably best to have avoided that one.

“K”
This is the last venue of the night, friend and I wind up in one hell of a crowded bar with multiple rooms of some beautiful girls. I knew it wasn’t going to get better than this, but we first walk around scoping the place out. See these two girls sitting alone and “open” to the crowd looking kind of bored. Friend opens one, it’s really crowded so I can’t go to the second girl easily but he introduces me and then I move over to her side.

I was practicing deliberately not talking about myself and keeping the focus strictly on her. The way this worked out is that she kept asking where I live and what I do, but I barely said anything. The girl kept protesting that it’s not fair that I’m finding out everything about her and she’s finding out everything about me. She keeps on saying “you’re just deflecting the question again.” I guess I did, it was funny to push the limits on this and see what I can get away with, but based on my question to the forum this is the wrong approach to take. Maybe the better way is to give her a challenge at first, then if she’s really persistent give her something to work with, but not too much. Just an ounce, to keep part of the mystery.

This girl was my only number close of the night. She seemed pretty interested in me and we were having a great conversation, and then her friend wanted to leave and they wanted to leave together. I first said we should grab coffee this weekend so we can get to know each other better, but she’s busy, and I’m not in town after this weekend for two weekends. But then she offered to give me her number, without me asking. And let’s see if that works out, I sent the first one right after but never heard a response from her.

How do I follow up a second text on this if I’m not even back here for two weeks?

Personal Comments:
- It was difficult to get going in the beginning, but once I got my groove I handled conversations and openings pretty well overall, and matched a good deal of body language as well.
- Where this got a little stale is that I felt pretty good about the way things were going, but I wasn’t challenging myself enough. I wasn’t failing as hard as I’ve typically fallen, and to me that means I wasn’t really breaking out of my comfort zone and learning new things. So now I need to push for other things. I need to break out of my zone so I can keep learning.
- I need to figure out closing, it’s still a bit of a weak point. I stopped pushing for the close most of the night, maybe that’s what I should have really gone for.
- More focus on facial expressions is needed, and sexy eye contact.

Final Two Days: Six approaches only

One night of approaches was spent at a lounge in DC; talked to a reasonable amount that night but blew out with all of them. I did successfully move one girl around a venue, and it was strange to her though that I was doing that. I tried to get two girls numbers, but BOTH said they’d give it to me next time they see me at that place. Obviously this shit isn’t happening, but I failed HARD!! AHH…

Conversationally I tried a different approach—less mystery and sharing about myself more freely. However, this didn’t work nearly as well as when I was being very mysterious and having them protest about me.

I didn’t approach the final day as it was snowing outside; I should have just gone anyway, who knows.

Personal Comments:
- Continue to work on being persistent and don’t let them get away
- Build more connection before moving them/compliance testing.
- I have to really work on my initial conversation and getting the hook down.

 

[Marty]

Ozzo:

Eight approaches were done on transportation

You're a machine. In one day? Was this a business trip?

I used to travel quite a bit on business in my last two jobs—wish I'd discovered Girls Chase at that time.

It's funny, another guy was trying to talk to her and was waiting to take her to chat as well, but I got her first by dominantly leading her away with me as we just watched passively.

Wow, I bet you got a boost in attraction from that. Great start to the interaction!

She kept asking questions about me, and also me with her.

I find that's usually a good sign, unless she's just flipping "interview questions" back at you, in which case it's almost certainly a waste of time.

Older woman I met in line

Interesting. I'm finding that girls in the 26-33 age group or so are the most receptive recently. The very young chicks, say 19-24 can be mindblowingly hot but I'm not quite at the skill level yet where I can relate... it's just too much of a gap until I've found my feet a little bit in terms of process. That doesn't mean I don't open them... I do, frequently, and they can get quite chatty but seldom comply much in terms of numbers and dates. I'll go back and try again once I get my process down a bit.

This girl was a freshman college student from Maryland who goes to school in Florida, but apparently hates the school she goes to because it’s too small, there’s no football, and it’s not a party school. She’d rather go to Arizona State or something like that and wants to transfer, and evidently her favorite hobby is lying by the pool and tanning.

I can empathize... superficial girls of this sort that are obviously "bad for me" nonetheless exert a gravitational pull because of their looks and bodies. What can a man do? I usually stay away though for fear of getting hurt!

She started talking about how nice it is to make a friend on the flight, and that I’m such a nice guy. God, I hate hearing those words now. It feels truly awful to hear “friend” and “nice guy” in the same sentence.

My line is: "Nice?!" (Look away, enigmatic smile, pause, look her back in the eye) "Just wait till you get to know me "

Some good deep diving going on, we connected to a degree but here I ran into the problem of not wanting to share a lot about myself. She asked me where I live, I told her I grew up in the area but I’m not going to tell her. I had her try to guess, she guessed two cities and I told her it’s one of them. She laughed. Anyway, have to be more strategic with this.

I already talked to you about this (finger wag) Yeah, legs get to me too. I once opened a 19-year-old university student (on her campus) wearing hotpants by saying: "I just saw you walking in front of me, and I just had to catch up and tell you that you have the sexiest pair of legs I've ever seen". Okay, that was probably a bit over-effusive and value-lowering, but she opened reasonably well and we got into some good rapport. After a few minutes, though, she declined a date proposal on the grounds that she only met dates through social circle. I tried to beat that frame but wasn't quite there yet at that stage.

I could tell the whole train had heard this, there was a guy standing who was smiling for the next five minutes probably laughing in his head.

It's actually good for you to go through this in some ways, as it gives you an idea of the worst that can happen (i.e. not too bad at all).

Oh and that guy? Bet he's never conducted a single daytime approach.

I tried to get two girls numbers, but BOTH said they’d give it to me next time they see me at that place.

This has to be the worst bullshit excuse... I've had things like girls telling me where they work and asking me to come see them there, but refusing a number. Waste of time.

it turns out she has a boyfriend. She said she could give me her number to be friends (righhhht)

Never had this, but Chase wrote somewhere that you can say "I can't promise that, but I can promise you'll have a good time" so perhaps if this happens again you can take her number after all.

Way to go with so much practical experience, Ozzo!

-Marty