Raised standards after a break up?

[Darius]

Uhmmm nah you have not moved on and is ok it takes time

Hum, is there anything specific that makes you say that?

I haven't 100% "moved on" from her that's true, I still desire her. But that desire sort of expands to all women now, equally. I feel ready to talk to and meet new girls. I am thinking of making my first day game outing, sometime this week.

 

[Skills]

Hum, is there anything specific that makes you say that?

I haven't 100% "moved on" from her that's true, I still desire her. But that desire sort of expands to all women now, equally. I feel ready to talk to and meet new girls. I am thinking of making my first day game outing, sometime this week.

well, the good thing is that it was only 6 months, but my point is that you don't have to rush the "moving on", is ok to miss, heal and be hurt from a break up, if you truly moved on that is fine, but if you have not that makes you human.... About the going out yeah used the energy from the break up to self improve, hit the gym, change your style, start meeting new girls.... women love guys after break up or out of town, they consider them fresh meat... Just don't go into another relationship right away, date for a bit and have fun...

 

[Will_V]

I ended up sending her a voice message (was too lazy to write everything on paper and go to the post lol). It felt incredibly cathartic, and I'm happy I did it. I feel like myself again.

It sounded super cucky and apologetic, and it may go around the social circle like @Skills said, meaning i'll take a massive value hit... but I'm okay with that. I get my old self back, and my attraction for women in general is back again. I finally moved on, with a better understanding and love of them than when I started. Which is what we're here for in the end.

Thank you for all the messages guys. This would not have been possible without you.

Darius

Good to hear it made you feel better!

I don't think she will try to use it against you, my understanding is that women are typically not so stupid that they cannot understand honesty when they see it, and the cost of throwing it back in a man's face. It is what they eternally seek from men, they are born adrift in lonely seas from which only honest men can pull them out, and which dishonest men plunge them further into.

When men get burned by women, I believe it is usually because they delude themselves that they are being honest, but they are not. Whether they are pretending to be nice to placate or deceive her, or trying to use a sliver of the truth as a lever to pry open her shell so they can express all their fear and neediness and conflict into her, these men are the worst thing a woman can encounter, because they promise the redemption she so badly needs, and instead send her further into turmoil.

In any case, what she does with what you sent her is out of your hands, and does not matter. You did what you thought was right, which is an act of self-acceptance, of accepting your principles over anyone else's.

..

What I did at this point was to think clearly about what aspect of my girl was incompatible with me, and what kind of girl I would need to find to satisfy my new set of requirements.

In my case, I realized that while she had a very strong personality (something I like very much, since I am very dominant), she was emotionally very needy. It sounds like a contradiction, but it's not. She wanted me to sort of follow her into her emotions and placate them when she found herself in some kind of crisis. My emotions are very different, I tend to become cold and calculating when something I value is at risk, and in that kind of circumstance, all I want from my girl is loyalty and trust. So whenever a crisis occurred, or we needed to resolve conflict between us, we could not give each other what we needed.

It sounds to me like you have a strong personality, and you need a girl whose personality is strong enough to resist getting completely overwhelmed by it. I think the best thing you can do is look around at different kinds of women with an open mind, and try to find the ones who stir you deeply, and make you feel not just attracted but a little bit uneasy about your capability with them. I think this is the best way to find a girl who will require you to extend yourself to reach her (which is something that is good for any man), and will keep you on your toes, and therefore satisfied, when she is with you.

 

[Darius]

well, the good thing is that it was only 6 months, but my point is that you don't have to rush the "moving on", is ok to miss, heal and be hurt from a break up, if you truly moved on that is fine, but if you have not that makes you human.... About the going out yeah used the energy from the break up to self improve, hit the gym, change your style, start meeting new girls.... women love guys after break up or out of town, they consider them fresh meat... Just don't go into another relationship right away, date for a bit and have fun...

I see. It's so weird. I'm really amazed that it hurts so much to break up, even for guys that get women. I just re-watched your video on breakups and I have to say, I had no idea. I always used to judge guys / girls that tried to commit suicide due to heart break... now I understand.

I wonder how Chase's concept of absolute abundance plays with this. Like surely if you know you can find another girlfriend caliber girl in a few weeks/months, you can move on from a girl you broke up with easier. As you said, even if seducers can get sex, it's the attachment that's missing. So if you can meet another girl that's high value, and build attachment to her very fast through deep diving, etc... then the value of your ex in your heart is not really as big, is it? Just a theory

Good to hear it made you feel better!

I don't think she will try to use it against you, my understanding is that women are typically not so stupid that they cannot understand honesty when they see it, and the cost of throwing it back in a man's face. It is what they eternally seek from men, they are born adrift in lonely seas from which only honest men can pull them out, and which dishonest men plunge them further into.

When men get burned by women, I believe it is usually because they delude themselves that they are being honest, but they are not. Whether they are pretending to be nice to placate or deceive her, or trying to use a sliver of the truth as a lever to pry open her shell so they can express all their fear and neediness and conflict into her, these men are the worst thing a woman can encounter, because they promise the redemption she so badly needs, and instead send her further into turmoil.

In any case, what she does with what you sent her is out of your hands, and does not matter. You did what you thought was right, which is an act of self-acceptance, of accepting your principles over anyone else's.

..

What I did at this point was to think clearly about what aspect of my girl was incompatible with me, and what kind of girl I would need to find to satisfy my new set of requirements.

In my case, I realized that while she had a very strong personality (something I like very much, since I am very dominant), she was emotionally very needy. It sounds like a contradiction, but it's not. She wanted me to sort of follow her into her emotions and placate them when she found herself in some kind of crisis. My emotions are very different, I tend to become cold and calculating when something I value is at risk, and in that kind of circumstance, all I want from my girl is loyalty and trust. So whenever a crisis occurred, or we needed to resolve conflict between us, we could not give each other what we needed.

It sounds to me like you have a strong personality, and you need a girl whose personality is strong enough to resist getting completely overwhelmed by it. I think the best thing you can do is look around at different kinds of women with an open mind, and try to find the ones who stir you deeply, and make you feel not just attracted but a little bit uneasy about your capability with them. I think this is the best way to find a girl who will require you to extend yourself to reach her (which is something that is good for any man), and will keep you on your toes, and therefore satisfied, when she is with you.

It really sounds like you dated my ex ahah. She had a strong personality and was quite crazy. Way crazier than I normally would date. And also she was incredibly needy, and was in a crisis a lot of the times indeed. For me, it made me "lower my guard", so to speak, and get attached to her super quick as well.

Thanks for the advice on the kind of women to meet, it makes a lot of sense. I will definitely look for the type of woman that I feel is slightly outside of my reach, and date her, if I find her. If not... well there are a lot of new women out there to meet.

 

[Will_V]

Spotting (and Avoiding) Cluster B Women

As you grow and mature, learning how to get better with women, some interesting things will happen to you as a man. Some things that seemed exciting begin to lose their thrill, while other new possibilities will pop up and prove themselves to be even more exhilarating than your earlier...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Rain]

Again, i agree but could backfire, cutting contact, is the best advise proven and field tested through time, every type contact could have the potential of re- living pain from 0 again.... I even seen this with top seducer dudes...(no to mention names)

If the OP goes to the shops, and randomly sees a woman who looks like his ex, and has not moved on, that would also be re-living the pain again, correct? Not much you can do about that specific situation, but wanted to know if that was a possibility for others as it has happened to me.

 

[POB]

There's only one way to relieve the pain....to acknowledge and feel it.

^^^ Also no contact only works IF first you do the above and below

I really see no point on writing or sending audios after the deal is done. What you do is take a quiet time, sit down (in person) and talk to her like an adult. No pointing fingers, no trying to figure out what went wrong. Just two people having a decent conversation about something unpleasant, but necessary. Once that conversation is done, take some time to yourself (especially if you are successful with women....seducers need more time alone as drowning in pussy may get you in a worse emotional state - plus you gonna hurt someone who has nothing to do with it).

Over time you are gonna be "desensitized" in a good way and get a more rational POV of break-up dynamics.

 

[Will_V]

There's only one way to relieve the pain....to acknowledge and feel it.

^^^ Also no contact only works IF first you do the above and below

I really see no point on writing or sending audios after the deal is done. What you do is take a quiet time, sit down (in person) and talk to her like an adult. No pointing fingers, no trying to figure out what went wrong. Just two people having a decent conversation about something unpleasant, but necessary. Once that conversation is done, take some time to yourself (especially if you are successful with women....seducers need more time alone as drowning in pussy may get you in a worse emotional state - plus you gonna hurt someone who has nothing to do with it).

Over time you are gonna be "desensitized" in a good way and get a more rational POV of break-up dynamics.

The way I see it, writing it down is the best, as it can sometimes be difficult to not get railroaded into useless argument before you can make the point you want to make.

Some girls (like my ex) are argumentative, and masters of maintaining the offensive in an argument, by cutting thread every time they feel like they are threatened by reason, and combined with lack of emotional control, they cannot be subdued except by sheer dominance of frame. In that kind of state there's no way to get anything subtle across.

EDIT: actually I think it's best done not in person at all, so she can have some time to consider what you say without having to react.

 

[Darius]

Some girls (like my ex) are argumentative, and masters of maintaining the offensive in an argument, by cutting thread every time they feel like they are threatened by reason, and combined with lack of emotional control, they cannot be subdued except by sheer dominance of frame. In that kind of state there's no way to get anything subtle across.

If the girl is very reasonable, then yeah I agree.

Man, this 100%. Me and this girl used to have so many arguments exactly like this, where it'd just be a struggle . I'd end up keeping my frame and "winning" and we'd end up fucking, she'd turn super submissive to me after that, and then we'd both forget about the problem altogether.

I wanted to talk to her in the end after I broke up with her (I was a big asshole to her and broke up over text. I'm still waiting for karma to hit me back for that one), and she vehemently denied it. I think she suspected that would end up happening if we did talk, and took that decision for me...

So for me talking was not an option. But writing it all out helped a ton. As I said, it was catharsis. I told her I'm sorry for what I did and I learned my lesson from this relationship, so I no longer feel like a total dick for how I treated her.

 

[Skills]

If the OP goes to the shops, and randomly sees a woman who looks like his ex, and has not moved on, that would also be re-living the pain again, correct? Not much you can do about that specific situation, but wanted to know if that was a possibility for others as it has happened to me.

No, cause is not her and very unlikely scenario, but Yeah may make you think of her and that is ok... op call her and saw her which are mistakes and really painful when you are trying to move on

 

[Skills]

There's only one way to relieve the pain....to acknowledge and feel it.

^^^ Also no contact only works IF first you do the above and below

I really see no point on writing or sending audios after the deal is done. What you do is take a quiet time, sit down (in person) and talk to her like an adult. No pointing fingers, no trying to figure out what went wrong. Just two people having a decent conversation about something unpleasant, but necessary. Once that conversation is done, take some time to yourself (especially if you are successful with women....seducers need more time alone as drowning in pussy may get you in a worse emotional state - plus you gonna hurt someone who has nothing to do with it).

Over time you are gonna be "desensitized" in a good way and get a more rational POV of break-up dynamics.

Exactly, keep in mind most of them will eventually try to reach out or come back as well even then you don't want any contact, done is done. I disagree with the meeting them in person is a waste of time

 

[POB]

Exactly, keep in mind most of them will eventually try to reach out or come back as well even then you don't want any contact, done is done. I disagree with the meeting them in person is a waste of time

My bad, didn't explain it....meeting to break-up, not after...after is bad.
If she does not want it, say ok and write about what you like about her, ending on a high note...but I like to put that option on the table (I'm oldschool, my first bad break-up was before cable internet);

 

[Will_V]

Man, this 100%. Me and this girl used to have so many arguments exactly like this, where it'd just be a struggle . I'd end up keeping my frame and "winning" and we'd end up fucking, she'd turn super submissive to me after that, and then we'd both forget about the problem altogether.

I wanted to talk to her in the end after I broke up with her (I was a big asshole to her and broke up over text. I'm still waiting for karma to hit me back for that one), and she vehemently denied it. I think she suspected that would end up happening if we did talk, and took that decision for me...

So for me talking was not an option. But writing it all out helped a ton. As I said, it was catharsis. I told her I'm sorry for what I did and I learned my lesson from this relationship, so I no longer feel like a total dick for how I treated her.

Maybe we did date the same girl

I used to think of these girls as simply requiring more masculinity, dominance .. but my theory about my ex is that she was forced to be dominant for so long (grew up in a female dominated family) that although she wanted to submit completely to a man, she psychologically could not do it except almost by aggression on his part - but when he did that her insecurities would be triggered, spiraling out of control.

These women are psychologically dangerous for a man who is dominant, as they manage to take him to the edge of his principles in desperation to take control of the sinking ship. I don't believe they are good gf/wife material except perhaps to a certain kind of accepting, patient man who is willing to allow her to set her own boundaries - a sort of innocent soul who trusts her to come back to him.

That's why for a dominant man it's necessary to define your principles and stand by them, even to judge yourself by them, so you do not remain connected to the vague notion that you didn't do something right, and end up losing sight of yourself.

 

[POB]

One thing to notice is that if you made her serious and the relationship lasted only 6 months, that's on you. If you guys had all those incompatibilities, you should never have made her a serious GF, no matter how hot or how cool she seemed at the time. Ideally, it's your job to spend a long time qualifying her before even considering to make her anything more than a one-day-a-week date.

I've spent seven+ years dating all kind of girls from all backgrounds and not once I had to break-up with any of them. Quite the opposite in fact: once they demanded more, they sought me out to talk about the relationship. If your frame is rock solid, once she starts to give you trouble or ceases to answer your texts, you slowly stop seeing her and no harm is done.

 

[Skills]

One thing to notice is that if you made her serious and the relationship lasted only 6 months, that's on you. If you guys had all those incompatibilities, you should never have made her a serious GF, no matter how hot or how cool she seemed at the time. Ideally, it's your job to spend a long time qualifying her before even considering to make her anything more than a one-day-a-week date.

I've spent seven+ years dating all kind of girls from all backgrounds and not once I had to break-up with any of them. Quite the opposite in fact: once they demanded more, they sought me out to talk about the relationship. If your frame is rock solid, once she starts to give you trouble or ceases to answer your texts, you slowly stop seeing her and no harm is done.

Oh fuck how did I miss this gold right here...

 

[Darius]

Maybe we did date the same girl

I used to think of these girls as simply requiring more masculinity, dominance .. but my theory about my ex is that she was forced to be dominant for so long (grew up in a female dominated family) that although she wanted to submit completely to a man, she psychologically could not do it except almost by aggression on his part - but when he did that her insecurities would be triggered, spiraling out of control.

These women are psychologically dangerous for a man who is dominant, as they manage to take him to the edge of his principles in desperation to take control of the sinking ship. I don't believe they are good gf/wife material except perhaps to a certain kind of accepting, patient man who is willing to allow her to set her own boundaries - a sort of innocent soul who trusts her to come back to him.

That's why for a dominant man it's necessary to define your principles and stand by them, even to judge yourself by them, so you do not remain connected to the vague notion that you didn't do something right, and end up losing sight of yourself.

Wow. She always used to tell me how "she wants to be submissive to a man, but if she has to be dominant and take control, she'll do it". And prior to dating me she was single for 1 year to focus on her studies. She also didn't have any friends during that time. That must have required her to be strong indeed. Her insecurities explain her neediness as well. It sounds like you are describing her to a tee. Sadly I was not the kind of guy to 'trust' her to come back indeed. I stressed loyalty / devotion throughout the relationship.

And that last sentence is painfully true. I didn't define my principles and I paid the price, in the form of stepping over them and acting careless with her emotions. I still haven't defined them fully yet, but it needs to be done. Certainly before I move on to date anyone else.

Thank you so much for this. It sounds like we've been through the same thing, and you've already done the work of figuring out how to grow from it and avoid it in the future. I'm just piggy-backing here

 

[Darius]

One thing to notice is that if you made her serious and the relationship lasted only 6 months, that's on you. If you guys had all those incompatibilities, you should never have made her a serious GF, no matter how hot or how cool she seemed at the time. Ideally, it's your job to spend a long time qualifying her before even considering to make her anything more than a one-day-a-week date.

I've spent seven+ years dating all kind of girls from all backgrounds and not once I had to break-up with any of them. Quite the opposite in fact: once they demanded more, they sought me out to talk about the relationship. If your frame is rock solid, once she starts to give you trouble or ceases to answer your texts, you slowly stop seeing her and no harm is done.

I agree... I didn't know any better to be honest, and I was going through a bad period in my life at the time, so I was in scarcity. We had 4 dates in total and sex twice before we became exclusive. Then we went on to see each other 1-2 times a week, then after a couple of months 2-3 times.

We got into the relationship because she said she felt guilty for having just sex with me as she wanted something more (i.e. "you only have me over for sex and we're not exclusive"). I basically gave her the talk of what my 'terms' for being exclusive were, and she was incredibly happy to accept them, she was giggling like a little kid.

I guess I should have kept her as a FWB for longer so I could screen her better. But these issues never popped up beforehand, because she seemed to be in love, and was very submissive.

I'll definitely incorporate the "slowly stop seeing her" part in my future relationships. Seems way less painful than what I did. Gold indeed.

 

[POB]

I agree... I didn't know any better to be honest, and I was going through a bad period in my life at the time, so I was in scarcity. We had 4 dates in total and sex twice before we became exclusive. Then we went on to see each other 1-2 times a week, then after a couple of months 2-3 times.

We got into the relationship because she said she felt guilty for having just sex with me as she wanted something more (i.e. "you only have me over for sex and we're not exclusive"). I basically gave her the talk of what my 'terms' for being exclusive were, and she was incredibly happy to accept them, she was giggling like a little kid.

I guess I should have kept her as a FWB for longer so I could screen her better. But these issues never popped up beforehand, because she seemed to be in love, and was very submissive.

I'll definitely incorporate the "slowly stop seeing her" part in my future relationships. Seems way less painful than what I did. Gold indeed.

Just a small caveat....if you stop seeing her and she digs you, do not expect her to be 100% ok with it. She'll "get it", but not like it nonetheless.

The point here is she is not going to resent you because she was not that emotionally invested in the first place - a thing that doesn't happen when you switch your BF button too soon (I'll explain this in a minute).

Think of it as a floodgate. You have to carefully control how much water goes through so you won't flood the city below the den. The same with women's emotions. Remember: you are in charge of the relationship, always. You dictate the terms, the speed and the length of emotions going through it. Too much and she becomes too attached. Too little and she is gone for another dude.

A concept I like is the one of the three boxes.
Everyone has 3 boxes where they put people of the opposite sex they are attracted too:
1) sex
2) affection
3) love

Men want to pull all attractive women into their sex box. If they like one of them, they move her to the affection box. If they really like her (after a period of time), they move her to the love box. Usually for most men one woman is enough for the love box, two or three may be in the affection box and an infinite number can go in the sex box.

Monogamy looks like this:
1) sex (A)
2) affection (none)
3) love (A)

(You only have one woman who is your source of love and sex.)

FWBs only look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (none)
3) love (none)

(You fuck a lot of chicks without having strong feelings for any them.)

MLTRs look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (A and B)
3) love (none)

(You have one or two girls who you have some feelings for, the rest is just for sex.)

OLTRs look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (none)
3) love (A)

(You love only one women and have sex with others without strong feelings.)

What most guys do wrong is rush chicks through the boxes so they won't "loose" the ones they like the most. What they should do is take their time and wait as long as they can before upgrading women they are fucking.

Women OTOH are way more simple.
They start on the sex box, but once they find they like you they want you to rush them to the affection or love box as soon as possible! If she acknowledges her feelings for you and stay too long in the sex box (or even in the affection box), they start to become really uncomfortable. That's when they begin to pressure you to define what the relationship is (and the longer they wait to reach that boiling point, the better you are doing your job as a seducer and as a man).

Hope this clarifies what happened in your situation and makes you smarter for the next time.

~POB

 

[Skills]

Just a small caveat....if you stop seeing her and she digs you, do not expect her to be 100% ok with it. She'll "get it", but not like it nonetheless.

The point here is she is not going to resent you because she was not that emotionally invested in the first place - a thing that doesn't happen when you switch your BF button too soon (I'll explain this in a minute).

Think of it as a floodgate. You have to carefully control how much water goes through so you won't flood the city below the den. The same with women's emotions. Remember: you are in charge of the relationship, always. You dictate the terms, the speed and the length of emotions going through it. Too much and she becomes too attached. Too little and she is gone for another dude.

A concept I like is the one of the three boxes.
Everyone has 3 boxes where they put people of the opposite sex they are attracted too:
1) sex
2) affection
3) love

Men want to pull all attractive women into their sex box. If they like one of them, they move her to the affection box. If they really like her (after a period of time), they move her to the love box. Usually for most men one woman is enough for the love box, two or three may be in the affection box and an infinite number can go in the sex box.

Monogamy looks like this:
1) sex (A)
2) affection (none)
3) love (A)

(You only have one woman who is your source of love and sex.)

FWBs only look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (none)
3) love (none)

(You fuck a lot of chicks without having strong feelings for any them.)

MLTRs look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (A and B)
3) love (none)

(You have one or two girls who you have some feelings for, the rest is just for sex.)

OLTRs look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (none)
3) love (A)

(You love only one women and have sex with others without strong feelings.)

What most guys do wrong is rush chicks through the boxes so they won't "loose" the ones they like the most. What they should do is take their time and wait as long as they can before upgrading women they are fucking.

Women OTOH are way more simple.
They start on the sex box, but once they find they like you they want you to rush them to the affection or love box as soon as possible! If she acknowledges her feelings for you and stay too long in the sex box (or even in the affection box), they start to become really uncomfortable. That's when they begin to pressure you to define what the relationship is (and the longer they wait to reach that boiling point, the better you are doing your job as a seducer and as a man).

Hope this clarifies what happened in your situation and makes you smarter for the next time.

~POB

Pob this is really good work, sometimes make responses like this into a post and link post to answer, cause is pure gold that is going to get lost eventually, instead of helping more people.

 

[Darius]

Just a small caveat....if you stop seeing her and she digs you, do not expect her to be 100% ok with it. She'll "get it", but not like it nonetheless.

The point here is she is not going to resent you because she was not that emotionally invested in the first place - a thing that doesn't happen when you switch your BF button too soon (I'll explain this in a minute).

Think of it as a floodgate. You have to carefully control how much water goes through so you won't flood the city below the den. The same with women's emotions. Remember: you are in charge of the relationship, always. You dictate the terms, the speed and the length of emotions going through it. Too much and she becomes too attached. Too little and she is gone for another dude.

A concept I like is the one of the three boxes.
Everyone has 3 boxes where they put people of the opposite sex they are attracted too:
1) sex
2) affection
3) love

Men want to pull all attractive women into their sex box. If they like one of them, they move her to the affection box. If they really like her (after a period of time), they move her to the love box. Usually for most men one woman is enough for the love box, two or three may be in the affection box and an infinite number can go in the sex box.

Monogamy looks like this:
1) sex (A)
2) affection (none)
3) love (A)

(You only have one woman who is your source of love and sex.)

FWBs only look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (none)
3) love (none)

(You fuck a lot of chicks without having strong feelings for any them.)

MLTRs look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (A and B)
3) love (none)

(You have one or two girls who you have some feelings for, the rest is just for sex.)

OLTRs look like this:
1) sex (A, B, C, D, E.....)
2) affection (none)
3) love (A)

(You love only one women and have sex with others without strong feelings.)

What most guys do wrong is rush chicks through the boxes so they won't "loose" the ones they like the most. What they should do is take their time and wait as long as they can before upgrading women they are fucking.

Women OTOH are way more simple.
They start on the sex box, but once they find they like you they want you to rush them to the affection or love box as soon as possible! If she acknowledges her feelings for you and stay too long in the sex box (or even in the affection box), they start to become really uncomfortable. That's when they begin to pressure you to define what the relationship is (and the longer they wait to reach that boiling point, the better you are doing your job as a seducer and as a man).

Hope this clarifies what happened in your situation and makes you smarter for the next time.

~POB

Thank you for this... this make so much sense! The longer you keep women in the lower boxes, the more time you have to screen them and avoid doing what I did, while also getting tons of sex. And the better a seducer you are. I have a few questions I'm not sure about though -

1/ What if you have a girl that absolutely refuses to sleep with you, or sleeps with you once, and then she blatantly asks for a relationship, for whatever reason? Does it mean that i'm not a good enough seducer for her yet, since I can't keep her in the sex box for longer? And should I refuse / dump her, no matter how cool she seems, given that I didn't screen her?

This one seems difficult because the girl is clearly attracted to me, and I've met some stunners that did this, so it's really freaking tempting. And I didn't really succeed in going past their objections.

The few times I came across this I said that I wanted to get to know them better, and they always retorted "ok so let's postpone the sex too until we get to know each other". I would tell them "I can't promise that but we'll see what happens", and when escalating I'd almost invariably hit a wall of resistance.

2/ Speaking of screening, do you have a guideline you use for that? Like, a minimum period of time where you keep this girl in the sex box, and if she doesn't fail the tests in that time, you can consider growing it up? I used to think my attachment level and intuition was good enough, but it seems like a rule would help me, given this last experience.

This forum really is great. Thanks to everyone that replied, it's been a great learning experience so far!