Raised standards after a break up?

[topcat]

Thank you for this... this make so much sense! The longer you keep women in the lower boxes, the more time you have to screen them and avoid doing what I did, while also getting tons of sex. And the better a seducer you are. I have a few questions I'm not sure about though -

1/ What if you have a girl that absolutely refuses to sleep with you, or sleeps with you once, and then she blatantly asks for a relationship, for whatever reason? Does it mean that i'm not a good enough seducer for her yet, since I can't keep her in the sex box for longer? And should I refuse / dump her, no matter how cool she seems, given that I didn't screen her?

This one seems difficult because the girl is clearly attracted to me, and I've met some stunners that did this, so it's really freaking tempting. And I didn't really succeed in going past their objections.

The few times I came across this I said that I wanted to get to know them better, and they always retorted "ok so let's postpone the sex too until we get to know each other". I would tell them "I can't promise that but we'll see what happens", and when escalating I'd almost invariably hit a wall of resistance.

2/ Speaking of screening, do you have a guideline you use for that? Like, a minimum period of time where you keep this girl in the sex box, and if she doesn't fail the tests in that time, you can consider growing it up? I used to think my attachment level and intuition was good enough, but it seems like a rule would help me, given this last experience.

This forum really is great. Thanks to everyone that replied, it's been a great learning experience so far!

Hey dude,

I'll give you a rundown of how I handle this, whilst you wait for the more senior guys to chime in...

For Point 1:

If I have a girl that refuses to sleep with me, and there's nothing I can do to break her resistance, I'll just assume that either I did something wrong in the seduction or she just doesn't find me attractive enough (which is basically the same thing come to think of it).

In that case my internal frame is "hey, it's fine, I guess I'm not your type. You're free to go find your type but I wont be investing any further as that's not how this game goes. When you're ready to play ball, call me".

I never verbalise this, but what I do show is understanding of her perspective but telegraph that it just can't go her way.
She's using sex as a bargaining chip to get investment from you which will ultimately fail in achieving her desired outcome - a mutually satisfying relationship with a sexy man (hopefully you).

Knowing this, as a leader, you show her that her method will fail at getting her what she wants ( a relationship with you), and when she is ready to comply (ie. have mutually satisying sex) the potential for a relationship is made available (for the doors to a mutually satisfying relationship are shaped like pussy flaps...).

You don't dump her, you just stop giving her attention, and leave the door open.

For point 2:

How it goes with me - all girls start as FB's even if I like them alot. The sex box is a stress test. Some leave of there own accord; they usually return if we liked each other enough.

Those that stay on start getting restless.. They start suggesting I take them out hinting that the sex will stop if we don't.

How I assess things: If I like her and am happy to do things in public with her, we can, but it will be on my terms. So when she nags, I'll listen but the message is that I'm not ready to do that yet, but if she wants to stop fucking that's fine with me..we just wont be talking in the interim.

Some girls will leave me after this (some will return). When they return (or if they stay), I incidentally give them what they want - maybe after a hard night of shagging we go for a meal, or breakfast in the morning or picnic in the park. She's now an MLTR.

With MLTR's the process is the same, only now you occasionally go out to eat in public, maybe hold hands in public (not my thing but whatevs..), and you gradually give them more.
They'll suggest things like holidays together or meeting her friends. The things I'm not into I turn down (meeting friends or family usually..) and the things I'm open to I let her know we can do it if she wants (usually holidays as I like travelling with my MLTR's) but the onus is on her to plan it and handle the logistics, and make sure it's a satisfying trip for the two of us.

It's all a slow escalation of things -- business as usual (sex/intimacy) --> she gets restless and hints or tests you --> give her the choice to stay or leave --> if she stays or returns you incidentally give her a little of what she wanted !!SHE HAS NOW BEEN UPGRADED!!

The pattern is 1) she pushes or hints 2) you assess if she deserves it 3) if she does, give it to her in controlled doses

Imagine the relationship and intimacy you give a woman is like a cake that you hold. Woman wants the cake, the whole cake, and if you let her she will eat it all in one sitting, get an upset stomach, and blame you for letting her eat herself sick, then look elsewhere for cake when she sees you have no more.

At first let her taste icing off your finger.

After a while, after she's shown reliable behaviour and a desire for cake, maybe give her icing with pieces of cake.

If she's good for it and shows gratitude, one day give her a slice of cake.

Then every once in a while give her more slices, but never enough to make her sick or rotten her teeth.

One day maybe you make her assistant baker in your bakery, but I'm not there yet...

ALSO: If an fb never complains or hints, it means she's happy in the sex box...it's probably best to leave her there..

Best.

EDIT: Senior guys, if there's anything wrong with my method please let me know. I'm always looking for ways to upgrade my relationship management skills.

 

[Skills]

Hey dude,

I'll give you a rundown of how I handle this, whilst you wait for the more senior guys to chime in...

For Point 1:

If I have a girl that refuses to sleep with me, and there's nothing I can do to break her resistance, I'll just assume that either I did something wrong in the seduction or she just doesn't find me attractive enough (which is basically the same thing come to think of it).

In that case my internal frame is "hey, it's fine, I guess I'm not your type. You're free to go find your type but I wont be investing any further as that's not how this game goes. When you're ready to play ball, call me".

I never verbalise this, but what I do show is understanding of her perspective but telegraph that it just can't go her way.
She's using sex as a bargaining chip to get investment from you which will ultimately fail in achieving her desired outcome - a mutually satisfying relationship with a sexy man (hopefully you).

Knowing this, as a leader, you show her that her method will fail at getting her what she wants ( a relationship with you), and when she is ready to comply (ie. have mutually satisying sex) the potential for a relationship is made available (for the doors to a mutually satisfying relationship are shaped like pussy flaps...).

You don't dump her, you just stop giving her attention, and leave the door open.

For point 2:

How it goes with me - all girls start as FB's even if I like them alot. The sex box is a stress test. Some leave of there own accord; they usually return if we liked each other enough.

Those that stay on start getting restless.. They start suggesting I take them out hinting that the sex will stop if we don't.

How I assess things: If I like her and am happy to do things in public with her, we can, but it will be on my terms. So when she nags, I'll listen but the message is that I'm not ready to do that yet, but if she wants to stop fucking that's fine with me..we just wont be talking in the interim.

Some girls will leave me after this (some will return). When they return (or if they stay), I incidentally give them what they want - maybe after a hard night of shagging we go for a meal, or breakfast in the morning or picnic in the park. She's now an MLTR.

With MLTR's the process is the same, only now you occasionally go out to eat in public, maybe hold hands in public (not my thing but whatevs..), and you gradually give them more.
They'll suggest things like holidays together or meeting her friends. The things I'm not into I turn down (meeting friends or family usually..) and the things I'm open to I let her know we can do it if she wants (usually holidays as I like travelling with my MLTR's) but the onus is on her to plan it and handle the logistics, and make sure it's a satisfying trip for the two of us.

It's all a slow escalation of things -- business as usual (sex/intimacy) --> she gets restless and hints or tests you --> give her the choice to stay or leave --> if she stays or returns you incidentally give her a little of what she wanted !!SHE HAS NOW BEEN UPGRADED!!

The pattern is 1) she pushes or hints 2) you assess if she deserves it 3) if she does, give it to her in controlled doses

Imagine the relationship and intimacy you give a woman is like a cake that you hold. Woman wants the cake, the whole cake, and if you let her she will eat it all in one sitting, get an upset stomach, and blame you for letting her eat herself sick, then look elsewhere for cake when she sees you have no more.

At first let her taste icing off your finger.

After a while, after she's shown reliable behaviour and a desire for cake, maybe give her icing with pieces of cake.

If she's good for it and shows gratitude, one day give her a slice of cake.

Then every once in a while give her more slices, but never enough to make her sick or rotten her teeth.

One day maybe you make her assistant baker in your bakery, but I'm not there yet...

ALSO: If an fb never complains or hints, it means she's happy in the sex box...it's probably best to leave her there..

Best.

EDIT: Senior guys, if there's anything wrong with my method please let me know. I'm always looking for ways to upgrade my relationship management skills.

it is very unlikely that if you do things right like you said, women will ask you for relationship pre-sex( i don't remember this ever happening to me to be honest is more asd due to bad or lazy game or not attracted enough, same thing lol), the problem you may be having is you are gaming wrong coming across too much as boyfriend material (ex multiple dinner dates can send the wrong message) or you are flaunting money(but for me is more asd), you don't want to come across too playerish either (cause this will cause auto rejection with some women),,,

somewhere in your dating model and communication op, you are sending the wrong message and coming across as a boyfriend prospect, study this op..

yeah top cat some women will lose their shit and get frustrated with us, cause we are not giving promotion, at this point they will start auto rejection, or negotiation, drama, shit tests.

i have used this with sex barganing, bringing this up topcat cause you said you don't verbalize it i do...

 

[POB]

Thank you for this... this make so much sense! The longer you keep women in the lower boxes, the more time you have to screen them and avoid doing what I did, while also getting tons of sex. And the better a seducer you are. I have a few questions I'm not sure about though -

1/ What if you have a girl that absolutely refuses to sleep with you, or sleeps with you once, and then she blatantly asks for a relationship, for whatever reason? Does it mean that i'm not a good enough seducer for her yet, since I can't keep her in the sex box for longer? And should I refuse / dump her, no matter how cool she seems, given that I didn't screen her?

This one seems difficult because the girl is clearly attracted to me, and I've met some stunners that did this, so it's really freaking tempting. And I didn't really succeed in going past their objections.

The few times I came across this I said that I wanted to get to know them better, and they always retorted "ok so let's postpone the sex too until we get to know each other". I would tell them "I can't promise that but we'll see what happens", and when escalating I'd almost invariably hit a wall of resistance.

2/ Speaking of screening, do you have a guideline you use for that? Like, a minimum period of time where you keep this girl in the sex box, and if she doesn't fail the tests in that time, you can consider growing it up? I used to think my attachment level and intuition was good enough, but it seems like a rule would help me, given this last experience.

This forum really is great. Thanks to everyone that replied, it's been a great learning experience so far!

Answers here:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/how-to-avoid-bad-break-ups.24590/

 

[Darius]

Superb.

Thank you very much for all the replies guys. This is definitely going to help me improve my future relationships, and hopefully other people can learn from this mess as well.

PS. as for her, I saw her a few more times in group settings, and every time she talked/flirted with a different dude. I kind of sussed her out after that, she was playing games, so I just ignored her.

Then she started texting me and saying my whatsapp profile pic 'looks nice' (it's a new one) and offering to help me with stuff etc. So you were right @Skills , they do get back in touch lol. I'm still on the fence about her. I have some feelings left of course, but she's not really anything special anymore. I'll see what I end up doing with her, but right now I want to have some fun.