Reaching New Levels of Awesome in NYC

[Davai]

Decided to mix things up and do some daygame today. Got to Union Square around 1 and met up with my wingman. First set was OK but the girl was shy and I was too physical so I ended up getting blown out. Second and third sets went poorly, the girls thought I was selling something. I attribute this to poor openings and in general having the vibe of a person who is looking for something, as opposed to just kind of stumbling into a more natural open.

One set went well, the girl liked me but she was walking into a restaurant and I didn't do anything to move the interaction forward. In retrospect I would have asked her to hang out for "two seconds, two seconds" then chatted a bit more, got her number, set up a date. However, I lacked the killer instinct to pull it off.

Opened another set or two but nothing to write home about. My wingman did a much better job. He does lots of daygame and is obviously more comfortable with it than me. Overall really fun time though, I enjoyed it. Since it's getting nicer out maybe I'll start doing daygame once or twice a week. Mix it up, take game outside of the nightclubs and bars.

Notes

*In general I wish that I had approached more. Even the unattractive women. I saw the opportunity to build up this session the way I would in the club. Multiple girls, multiple opens, make it epic! It was still a blast but I never opened enough to get it to the point where things are really moving and going in the direction that I wanted them too.

*My wingman says he has zero problems with girls thinking he's some dude selling shit, whereas that was a big problem for me. Some calibration required.

*I've been getting more into the idea of approach invitations. That is, girls seeing you and giving you a sign that they want you to approach. This is something that my mentor Distant Light has talked about, among other people. What I'm realizing is that in order to actually pick up on these you have to be fairly attuned to what's happening and aware of the surroundings. Then you need the quick reflexes to act on the invitations. I lacked that today. I saw a cute girl walking towards me and we made solid eye contact. She gave a small smile, flipped her hair and made it obvious she was interested in me, but I didn't act on it quick enough. By the time I fully processed everything she was ten steps away.

 

[Davai]

Last night was a fascinating experience. I was feeling sick, it was raining and I was cold. So I took all of these excuses, threw them in the fucking garbage and went out. I only opened one set before my wingman, who I did daygame with on Monday, showed up. We opened a set or two but nothing really hooked that well. Then my regular wingman showed up and things started to get more interesting. We work well together because we rarely work together. We both canvas the venue and open, and then at some point the other one usually joins the set. In a small place, like we were in last night, I'll open a set and then thirty seconds later my wingman pops up and is talking to the friend. It's a great way to canvas a venue and have a blast. Three sets really stand out from last night.

1. A short, rather cute girl. We started talking about what she's interested in and the conversation got deep. I was asking her all about what her motivations are and why she's doing what she's doing. She was telling me and getting more attracted by the second. Starting to lean in to me, massive pupils, and so forth. This is me (like I talked about in this report) not trying to move the interaction towards sex. It's just having a conversation, being attractive, and letting things fall where they may. I think this is so important and yet it's taken me this long to realize it. I've spent so long pushing for sex that I've never taken that step back to ask if there's a better way. This idea of getting to know a girl without the agenda of sex on the back of my mind has literally hit me in the last few days. I'm still sorting it and wondering what the implications are. Anyways, in this set I started feeling like some shenanigans were in order and I bounced.

2. Beautiful blonde girl, much cuter than I'm used to. Usually I get stifled around a girl this cute and I act like a wimp. Not last night though, I was having a blast! I didn't care if she stayed or left, so she stayed. We were singing a song, having fun, and at one point I put my arm around her and kept it there. Not in a creepy way though, it was just like something you'd do with your girlfriend. She put her arm around me to and kept it there. This is where we see the idea of baby-steps, tiny bumps up in progress. I've never had a girl this attractive be this into me and put her arm around me like that before. Who knows, maybe it's six months before this is regularly happening. Maybe a year, I don't know. But just the fact that it happened shows that I'm making progress and am headed in the right direction.

3. For the first time in my life (that I remember haha, I used to drink) I merged a set. Not just any two girls either, I merged two very cute girls with each other. It was a blast. Beyond merging I had no fucking idea what to do and it sort of faded, but hell, baby-steps! It went really well too. The girls took it seriously, they shook hands and said nice things to each other. It showed me just how much potential there is here. And most importantly, this being something I've never done before (like my first solo subway open last week), I learned that I won't be killed. Nobody is going to come in with a Katana and disembowel me. So go for it, do it more!

Notes

*I'm putting an active effort into opening everything. That means everything, even the unattractive chicks! The less I can think when I'm at the bar, the more I'll get into flow state. Right now I'm still using my brain to filter my opens, saying things like "she's too big" or "she's with some guys" or "she doesn't look happy". It's all bullshit, I don't want to be thinking I want to be opening! So while I'm getting much, much better at this, I still have progress to make. Hell, I'm not going to sleep with the ugly girl but I can still talk to her for 30 seconds or use her to merge a set or make her my homebase if I don't have a wingman. So many opportunities.

*I have to stop leaning in! I don't know why I have such trouble with this. Maybe it's just because clubs are loud, I wear earplugs and girls don't speak loud. That may be true, but I still have to find a way to have a conversation without contorting all over.

 

[Davai]

What I dislike about last night is that I'm not sure that I really learned much. I opened maybe 8 sets but I never did anything outside my comfort zone. So I got the experience of talking to some more girls, but I didn't leave the club feeling like I took anything to the next level. Still, I think I can discern a few lessons. Let's look at a couple of sets.

1. I opened a cute Asian girl and it was going fine. She was smoking and it was blowing in my face so I took her by the shoulders and moved her around to the other side of me so the smoke would blow off somewhere else, it was funny. She was into me but her friends were ten feet away and she said she had to go back to them. I think she was feeling nervous talking to a guy with them watching. So I let her go, which in retrospect I don't like. Next time I would say "Two seconds, two seconds. I just have to ask one more thing." Then I would move her a little bit and keep talking. I would basically use this opportunity to see how long I could get her to stay with me, after she said she had to go. That's a good learning opportunity.

2. Talked to a girl in the entrance of the club. Then I opened her again on the dance floor. Then five minutes later I opened her friend by saying:

"This DJ is awesome isn't he!"

Well the girl I already talked to twice picked up on this and said to her friend:

"That's the same line he used on me!"

She had me there but I mostly ignored that and just kept talking. A few minutes later I saw this girl on the stairs and she smiled at me and looked like she wanted me to talk to her. Unfortunately I didn't process that quick enough and the moment was lost. Anyways, the point is that great things come from engaging a girl multiple times. It sets you apart from the average drunken fool and shows that you really like her. What I need to do is start reapproaching a lot more. I'm nervous to do it, so I need to do it!

3. Tall skinny Russian girl. Didn't speak much English and my Russian is so rusty that I couldn't keep the conversation going so well. Regardless, my brain was shutting me down. I didn't even think she was that cute but my cranium decided to stifle me anyways. Christ I hate that! My brain is not my friend. I start to talk to an attractive woman and it says oh boy, an attractive one! Let's turn you into a total dork and shut down all of your awesomeness! That fucking whore.

Notes

*A good night is when I go out and do a bunch of shit that I'm uncomfortable doing. In the beginning that was just opening. Now that I've got that handled, I must do other things. That includes leading and reapproaching. Even though it's uncomfortable in the moment, I feel 300% better when I leave the club knowing that I pushed my comfort zone.

*I'm being way, way too physical and I'm drastically cutting back on it. There's no reason for my current obscene level of physicality. I'm very comfortable touching a girl, it's not one of my sticking points. Girls can sense that, I don't need to molest them to show it.

*Girls are bringing out the best in me. They respond to authenticity and honest expressions. So when I exhibit these behaviors girls like me, and when I don't they tend to not like me. By talking to thousands of girls I'm basically letting them draw out my most admirable side while letting the bullshit fade away. Right now I'm just as eager to see how I can express myself more authentically as I am to get laid. What an interesting journey to be on!

 

[Davai]

If nothing else we got some good exercise. Two plus hours of walking around Washington Square Park and Union Square. I did ten or twelve approaches. Of those only a handful went past initial introductions. I'll break those sets down to see what the lessons are.

1. Make eye contact with a cute girl sitting on a bench and I immediately talk to her. It's a solid open, I sit down next to her so we can keep talking. The initial two minutes is good but then she ceases to be engaged in the conversation. She starts giving one word answers and looking more towards her friend than me. I don't know what to make of that. I interpret it to mean the set is over, she's not interested. What would I do better? I honestly have no idea.

2. Open a girl about to cross the street, we start walking together. Very strong eye contact and things are going well. We talk about architecture and one of my favorite books, The Fountainhead. She's about to head inside and I ask her out later in the week. She politely declines, says she's very busy and has a boyfriend. Despite this it was the most solid set of the day.

3. Open a gorgeous girl sitting on a bench. She's Russian so we have some things to talk about. We chat, she's very nice and the conversation goes well. She says she's looking for a camera store and I say I don't know any. Then she finds one on Google Maps, says it was nice to meet me and starts walking off. In retrospect should have said something like:

"I'll walk with you there."

My own lack of belief stopped me though. I tend to assume that a very attractive woman like this has multiple opportunities with guys and has no need of me. There are affirmations like "believe your game is a 10" or "believe you're the best option for every woman." Ok, you can say these things but they're sort of hollow if you don't have massive experience to back them up.

4. Girl eating lunch, I came up and we talked for about five minutes. It went well and I could have probably gotten the number but she was just not quite cute or interesting enough. But then again I wasn't being that interesting either. It's confusing.

5. About half a dozen other girls that just failed to open. Biggest mistake: trying to get a girl to stop and talk when instead I should have just started walking with them.

Notes

*I like nightgame better. I like being loud, obnoxious, and doing bold approaches. I like the atmosphere and sometimes I even like the music. Daygame is tamer and things go a bit differently.

*The hand of god has been working great for me in the club but it's shit during daygame. Girls are going places, stopping them is not the best option. Better to walk with them.

*What is the essence of game? What am I missing that I'm not generating more attraction? Like that girl I opened who was sitting on the bench, that should have gone great! Very solid open, good eye contact, I was exhibiting multiple attractive behaviors as I understand them and yet it fizzled out after a minute or two. I would really, really like to understand why..

*Daygame requires running after girls, it's a must. You lose so many opportunities if you don't pursue girls who are thirty to a hundred feet away.

*I passed up two or three sets that I considered "too hard". As usual, I regret that and I vow to open those sets next time. The more I open the more experience I get the more freedom I have in my actions.

 

[Davai]

This is a long one, may I suggest some field report reading music? Last night was insane. I went out with the idea of getting reference experience (not seeking a result) and it was a game changer. This simple shift in how I view the night had a profound impact on my game. The idea of reference experience is going to allow me to level up and break through this annoying fucking plateau that I'm on now. Hoorah to that! But let's get into the evening. Had a brilliant time, and as I was riding home all I was thinking is this: I'm 100% capable of becoming amazing at game, there is nothing holding me back..

Started off at a place that can't decide whether it's a bar, a club or a restaurant. The first set I opened went fantastic. I still don't fully understand why / how this happens, but sometimes I'll just speak and girls hang onto the words. They love it and are totally into it. When this happens it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything all that different but the reactions from girls sure as hell shows that I am. That lasted about five minutes and then I left her. In retrospect I should have gotten the number, she was cute. I tend to not get numbers because of high flake rates but I think she would have texted back.

Open another couple sets then we go to another bar. 100% dead, nothing to open. We leave and start walking towards another place. Almost there when my wingman opens four girls walking on the street. He talks to one and I have the good luck of talking to the leader girl of the group.

Me: "Where are you guys headed right now?"

Her: "Not sure, just walking around right now."

Me: "Let's go to XYZ club, it's going to be great right now."

She agrees and we all start walking. I got curtly denied from this place last Saturday but since we have 4 cute girls it's 100% we'll get in. We get there, they let us in and we immediately ditch the four girls, haha purely currency to get into the club. We start opening. I'm extremely proud of how well I did opening everything. Girl comes into my sight-line, she gets opened. She doesn't like it? Girl three feet away gets opened. At my wingman's suggestion I stand in one place and hand-of-god open three girls in a row as they walk by.

Something is off though and I can feel it (more to point, I open six sets and they all die within 30 seconds). I take a second to regain my composure. I remind myself I'm not seeking any result at all. I'm simply opening to get the experience to see what will happen. This helps me to come back to what's important and I end up making out with a fat girl a few minutes later. She's obviously very into it and I could probably pull her, provided I didn't have standards... I get her number and then go open a bunch more girls.

Somewhere in the fray one responds very well and we end up making out in less than a minute. Start talking, start dancing, and I notice that her friends leave us alone. That's a very good sign. We make out some more then I suggest we go grab some water from the bar. We do that, she introduces me to her friends, then we go back to the dance floor. Right at this moment my thinking is this: I need to pull this girl. It's going very well and I think she can be pulled. But I also vividly remember the girl from last Friday where I went for the pull too soon and immediately ruined the set. What should I do? I decide upon a course of action. I ask:

"Do you know that bar down the street? Let's go there right now."

She replies: "Is it good right now?" But then quickly adds: "Actually, I think I'd rather stay here."

Bam, everything quickly unravels and a few minutes later she leaves. I don't blame her. She wanted a strong guy to lead and pull her out. I was not that strong guy, I was a weak permission seeker. It came from a place of being aware of ruining the set last Friday by going to soon for the pull, but in this case I needed to fucking do it. Hype up the bar, get her outside, lead, lead, lead! She was down for the pull but I messed it up. That sucks, but I got the reference experience. I'm beginning to develop an eye for when the window to pull is. I'll fuck it up a bunch more and get it right sometimes, and after six months or a year I'll be deadly with this..

By now it's about 1:30 and my wingman has already left. I leave too and get in line for the bar he's at. End up talking to two girls in line and one is very cool. She runs marathons and works out. We talk, her eyes are getting bigger and bigger, there's a natural vibe here were we are both attracted to each other. Then things get fucked up. They comment on the annoying bullshit of two guys ahead of us in line, and it's my friend who is the best guy at opening that I've ever met. I yell his name out and we shake hands. He's OK at best right now but he's with his drunk cousin who immediately starts molesting my girl. I don't handle it well. I'm way, way too passive about it. A few minutes later I tell him she's my girlfriend and he apologizes profusely but by that point I've been burned by these two drunken idiots shouting out shit about winging each other and hooking up with girls and other crap. So in this same situation again I would do things very differently. From the very start I would create a physical barrier where I'm between my girl and the guy and then I would say that "We're dating right now" and then I would ignore the guy and start creating stories with the girl about us dating.

Inside the bar I open, open, open. Start talking to a girl from Long Island and she's getting massive pupils. She gives me a few shit tests which I laugh off. I think that I'm about to get my third makeout of the night (never made out with three girls in one night before) when I say something that blows the entire set. We're planning our future together when I say jokingly:

"I'm thinking about being a stay at home dad."

I had said this same thing earlier in the night and it provoked some cool conversation, but this girl from Long Island is having none of it and immediately leaves. It was almost funny. So the lesson is that some calibration can be helpful. She's talking about Long Island, how her parents have lots of money, how she works hard. She obviously values ambition and hustle. In this case I should have said I want to be a banker or some shit, Idk. Anything but a stay at home dad. That's just a manifestation of the larger principle which is that if you can figure out what the girl values you can present yourself in a way that conforms better to those values. You don't have to lie or change yourself either, you can just focus on different aspects of the same thing. For example, a girl values spontaneity. I talk about how I traveled a lot and being spontaneous was what made it fun. Or a girl values good education. I talk about how I traveled a lot and learned about lots of different cultures and how people live, which is a way more powerful experience than reading about it in a book. Same thing, you just highlight different aspects of it.

After that I open another set or two but I'm toasted. Completely worn out. It's been three hours of opening non-stop. Really impressive actually that I've made this much progress in only 11 months. When I started I could get maybe five minutes of the glorious social mood before it crashed. Now I've got three hours. In six months I'll bet I'll be crushing the entire night with energy to spare.

Notes

*I freaked a girl out by cold reading that she lives in Chelsea. Occasionally an accurate cold read can put a girl on guard, but this one really, really did not take it well. The set basically ended because she accused me of being a stalker and I argued that I wasn't and once you start doing this you're falling heavily into her frame and it's all over. So this can happen.. I still enjoy cold reading though and this is the worst reaction I've ever seen from a girl. Total drama queen haha.

*I really needed to lead that girl the fuck out of the club, instead of *asking her permission* to do so. I was trying to feel out the situation and see if the time was right to pull. Well it was, but by being so passive I missed the opportunity. Lesson learned. In the future I'd rather just go for the pull and calibrate after, versus try to suss things out before taking action.

*When your only goal is to get reference experience there can be no *bad* sets. Even if she horribly rejects me I still gain reference and so I win. By focusing on it this way I put myself in a situation where I can't lose. And as last night shows, it doesn't mean I slack off. I opened valiantly for three hours, made out with two girls, almost pulled, and had the quick instinct to steer a wandering group of four girls to the club I wanted to visit.

*At some point last night I felt like the dancing monkey. I was jumping around, being energetic and having a grand old time dancing on a table. However, in terms of attracting the girl this failed. My wingman (who doesn't tend to do these things) was just standing there with his good posture and vibe and drawing all the attention. Girls focused on him versus me. I quickly dropped the dancing monkey act. I'm not saying super-party-vibe won't work, but I was trying to *use it* and it was inauthentic. I was not totally feeling it and so girls were not into it.

*I really admire how my wingman is able to attract and pull girls even when he's tired and yawning. I tend to assume that as soon as my energy dips I'm useless and no girl will like me. His actions and results speak otherwise.

*Everything I experienced last night led to the firm conviction that one day I'm going to be very, very good at game. I'm going to consistently pull and I'm going to spend time with very attractive women. I cannot say when this will happen, but I can say with absolute certainty that it will happen.

 

[Davai]

I’m fucking awesome and girls love me, that’s my frame and I look at every interaction through it. Combine that with the mindset of It’s all for the reference experience and there’s no way I can lose. Girl tells me to fuck off? Reference experience. Girl gives me a blowjob in the bathroom? Girls love me!

Last night I went out in Williamsburg. The biggest fuckup of the night is that I only stayed out 90 minutes. I walked home past packed bars, massive groups of people and laughing groups of girls. It hurt my soul a bit, and yet for going out solo I did really, really fucking good. I opened twelve or fourteen sets and a majority of them went very well. I had a very cute girl (above my paygrade as far as I’m concerned) laughing and physically escalating on me. I had another girl escalating on me. I had a girl completely fucking ignore her boyfriend to keep talking to me. She didn’t even reply when he came in and said in a supplicating tone:

“Talk to me instead babe.”

Also a super cute bottle girl kept putting her arm around me, but we’ll write that one off as her being a good bottle service girl who understands that the more she flirts the more money she makes.

To make last night more awesome and more epic what I really needed to do was reapproach. I opened about a dozen sets and three of them went very well. The one girl I mentioned had a boyfriend, but the other two girls didn’t and they were both into me and in both situations the friends were being cool and never tried to pull the girl away. I was on the verge of reappraoching the cutest girl of the night but then another guy swooped in to talk to her so I didn’t. In general though this is my next big thing: I want to approach a bunch of sets and then start reapproaching them. I don’t give a fuck whether I get laid or not, I just want to do it to gain the reference experience.

Notes

*New York is shrinking. Saturday night I randomly ran into a guy I knew while in line at the bar. Last night I was walking out of my house as soon as I crossed the street I ran into some guy I knew from back in October. He was going to the same club as me so we walked there together. If I keep this up in six months or a year it will be impossible for me to go out and not see someone I know every night.

*My game is morphing into me having fun, doing crazy shit, making the night epic and then being able to sense the right moment to pull. Right now I’m having a fucking blast approaching everything, it’s a glorious challenge that makes me feel awesome.

*I stay out 2x to 3x longer and approach twice as much when I have a wingman. But on the other hand I don’t mind doing solo because every time it seems like I approach a little bit more and stay out a little bit longer. Probably in six months or a year I’ll easily be having entire four or five hour sessions while solo.

*The one girl who was most into me, I should have gotten her number. I think that even in 5 minutes I’m able to convey that I’m attractive enough that a girl will go on a date with me. Or at the very least I can use that number to find her again in the night. In general though I need to get more numbers.

 

[Davai]

Me, talking to a girl in her ear: "Remember, it's up to you to be the life of the party. It's up to you to lift everyone up, don't let them drag you down. You're like the crane holding them up. You're like the third twin tower that didn't collapse."

Her: "What do you think of me?"

Me: "I think that you're very cute and I want to kiss you, but all your friends are right here and they'll see."

She turns around and starts leading me towards the exit of the bar. As we walk I say:

"We would have beautiful blonde children together. We're both good looking and our children would be too. They would be swimsuit models and they would have lots of friends."

Out of sight of the friends we both stop and then we kiss. It last a moment, then she walks back to her friends and I go home. 30 day challenge over! Holy fucking shit do I feel good about it. I grew a lot with this challenge. A huge part of that growth came from the self trust that I've developed. There were about 7 nights this month when I really, really did not fucking want to go out, but I went the fuck out and approached. Stepping the fuck up and doing something you've committed to, regardless of your bullshit emotions, is amazing. I feel very good about myself in a very healthy way. It's the result of discipline and taking action, not some false accolade or new iPhone.

Also, I currently have an unwavering conviction that I can get good at game. My last plateau sucked so fucking hard that figuring it out has given me 100% faith that I'll get through future plateaus. And I don't think it's going to be all that long before I'm going to start getting laid. A lot...

Notes

*Technical mistake. I'm at the bar with this girl (who I would kiss later on) and I wanted to move her to a different, secluded area of the bar. She's hesitant but I amp it up and am very insistent. She finally agrees but she says that she'll leave her purse on the bar stool. Her friends are 10 feet away, the bar is almost empty, I think fine, whatever. However, as soon as we get to the secluded area she says:

"I can't leave my purse there."

And so we have to go back. We grab it but now she won't go back to the area with me, she wants to hang with friends. So the simple lesson here is that you should always make sure the girl has her purse with her. Never let her leave it somewhere because she thinks "We'll be right back" or whatever.

*I'm getting better at backing off and letting girls invest / chase me. Better, but I'm like 1.3% good at this if 100% is the best person on earth at this. I have some serious room for improvement. Mostly that comes down to viewing myself as the prize, not jumping to fill in silences, not asking too many questions, taking time to think about answers, and even speaking a bit slower.

*I'm really fucking excited for the coming months. Game is 300% more fun with the viewpoint of "get the reference experience" as opposed to "try for the result".

*Technically I did 34 days in a row since I went out the last 4 days of March as well

 

[Ergon]

Hey Davai!

Congrats on accomplishing your 30 days. I've been reading a few of your entries and your numbers and dedication are inspiring. I even started to go out more frequently.
With that grit I think one can definitely get far..

Anyway, I'm not an expert in night game, but I thought of a few things that could help pull more consistently. You seem to have approach anxiety handled which is great. Engaging and opening seems good, though I wonder if you experiment with direct too:

Hey I saw you from over there and I thought you had the most amazing sense of style I've seen all night and I had to come meet you. My name is Davai.

Also:

Are you single? -Yes/no -I just thought you were cute and I had to say hi. My name is Davai.

I've tried many openers and they definitely can work, however lately I've tried direct, particularly in bars, and I'm surprised of the good receptions I get. Different vibes.

I see you're also familiar with polarization, a sticking point for me each time I take long breaks. One thing I find great for calibrating and finding the right amount, is to experiment, with a few interactions being polarizing, others not. Sometimes very high energy and engaging, others very calm, deep, not trying to make jokes.

Related to polarization, you seem to do quite well with make outs. You can get them reliably, but now I feel you should try going for the pull instead of the make out. So when you feel like you should kiss a girl, hold on and instead invite her home, or move her somewhere closer to there. Maybe even invite a girl home very early in the interaction, or when she doesn't seem really interested, you'd be surprised.
About this, the reason is that in GC we advocate not kissing, because it dissipates the tension and uncertainty of whether something can happen. My experience is this seems to be the case. I actually haven't gotten a girl home that I kissed beforehand. Obviously is not impossible, but it probably makes it harder.

Lastly, try different patterns of investment in your interaction. Like if you approach her in the dance floor -> move her to sit somewhere -> then outside -> then home. Or if she is just standing/sitting, somewhere outside or more quiet, then home. My personal favorite is approach girls dancing or standing and then invite them to get some air outside with me, then home. Usually going from interacting somewhere intimate to going to the dance floor comes across as moving backwards and doesn't reflect dominance or intent. Something to have in mind.

That's it. Sorry if I made the post too long haha. Best of luck this month!

 

[Davai]

Hey Davai!

Congrats on accomplishing your 30 days. I've been reading a few of your entries and your numbers and dedication are inspiring. I even started to go out more frequently.
With that grit I think one can definitely get far..

Anyway, I'm not an expert in night game, but I thought of a few things that could help pull more consistently. You seem to have approach anxiety handled which is great. Engaging and opening seems good, though I wonder if you experiment with direct too:

Hey I saw you from over there and I thought you had the most amazing sense of style I've seen all night and I had to come meet you. My name is Davai.

Also:

Are you single? -Yes/no -I just thought you were cute and I had to say hi. My name is Davai.

I've tried many openers and they definitely can work, however lately I've tried direct, particularly in bars, and I'm surprised of the good receptions I get. Different vibes.

I see you're also familiar with polarization, a sticking point for me each time I take long breaks. One thing I find great for calibrating and finding the right amount, is to experiment, with a few interactions being polarizing, others not. Sometimes very high energy and engaging, others very calm, deep, not trying to make jokes.

Related to polarization, you seem to do quite well with make outs. You can get them reliably, but now I feel you should try going for the pull instead of the make out. So when you feel like you should kiss a girl, hold on and instead invite her home, or move her somewhere closer to there. Maybe even invite a girl home very early in the interaction, or when she doesn't seem really interested, you'd be surprised.
About this, the reason is that in GC we advocate not kissing, because it dissipates the tension and uncertainty of whether something can happen. My experience is this seems to be the case. I actually haven't gotten a girl home that I kissed beforehand. Obviously is not impossible, but it probably makes it harder.

Lastly, try different patterns of investment in your interaction. Like if you approach her in the dance floor -> move her to sit somewhere -> then outside -> then home. Or if she is just standing/sitting, somewhere outside or more quiet, then home. My personal favorite is approach girls dancing or standing and then invite them to get some air outside with me, then home. Usually going from interacting somewhere intimate to going to the dance floor comes across as moving backwards and doesn't reflect dominance or intent. Something to have in mind.

That's it. Sorry if I made the post too long haha. Best of luck this month!

No, it's not too long at all. The longer the better as far as I'm concerned. You make a very interesting point about not kissing before the pull because fully 80% of my pulls happen after I've made out with the girl. It's rare for me to pull without making out. In fact you could probably say it's a limiting belief of mine, that we have to be all over each other before she leaves with me. Hence if she's not all over me I rarely go for the pull and I'm probably missing out quite a bit there.

As for the polarization, that just comes naturally and is a result of having a sick night with lots of mayhem. When I get into that zone I love to say the craziest things I can think of. In terms of asking girls to get air outside, solid idea. I'm always down to try stuff, I want maximum reference experience.

But really man, the idea of pulling without making out first is massive for me. I'm definitely going to work on that as I think that with a bit of practice it could easily double or triple how much I'm pulling.

Cheers man

Today's Report

Even though I finished the April 30 day challenge I decided to do some daygame today. I've maybe only done solo daygame two or three times in my life so I set very low expectations for myself. Go out, approach two or three decent sets and I'll be happy. Like how when I first started going out 3 approaches was a good night and now that's laughable.

First girl is cute and nice, but after thirty seconds she picks up to the phone to meet with her friend then she leaves. Second girl is very cute, she's German and I speak a bit of German to her. Then she abruptly leaves, saying:

"Sorry, but I've got to go catch my train."

And I watch her walk into Starbucks haha. Sucks but I don't take it personally. I did a solid approach, I was expressing myself well, she just wasn't interested.

A few minutes later I see an attractive woman smoking a cigarette. I walk past her but then I stop. She's not smiling and looks engaged with her phone. I figure that she'll probably blow me out but fuck it, get the reference experience. I go introduce myself and it ends up going very well. She's interesting as fuck! She's working on a cargo ship, she's been all over, she even has some interesting thoughts on the Anti-Everything protest happening close by. Seriously, these people were just chanting generic bullshit. Freedom, rights, no more oppression! Really, oppression? Maybe instead of making cardboard signs you should go out and learn a new skill. Accept responsibility for your life.

Anyways, we ended up chatting for damn near half an hour. Do you know how sometimes you feel that you're trapped in your head and everything you're saying is a bit off but you can't fucking get out of your head and it can drive you nuts! I had a bit of that but I plowed through it. In the end I got her email, said I would set up a blog for her if she wanted. Hopefully we'll keep in touch, she's a cool person.

Notes

*I lack good intent during daygame. That intent may only to get a number and set up a date, but I don't show that very well. My buddy says he gets about 1 number for every 3 sets. I have a lot of catching up to do haha.

*Pleased with three sets today since I'm doing something I've hardly ever done before, but I know I can easily do 5 or 6 next time.

 

[Davai]

Last night was interesting. I really don't like the Tuesday spot, so if I can have fun there I can have fun anywhere. I walked in, saw my wingman and immediately pulled him into a set. The rampage went on from there. Opening everything and have fun, that's my basic goal. Which I did quite well with. I had high energy, I was having fun, it was all good.

After an hour I had opened most of the girls at the bar and I started reopening them. That's my other main goal and I want the reference experience of doing this. I have to be careful though because I accidentally say some of the same things the second time around. When you open twelve girls in an hour things start to blur together.

The downside to my shotgun style of approaching everything and bringing maximum energy is that after 90 minutes I was exhausted. This is still a conscious competence level of skill and it requires me to exert some willpower and continuous focus. As opposed to just being a way of existing. I have faith that things will change in the future though. There were a few notable sets from last night.

Sets

1. Talked to a girl for just a few minutes but she had to go back to her friends. But before she left she asked me for my Instagram! She was closing me which was great because It's something that I'm striving to work towards. I'm the opportunity that the girl doesn't want to pass up on.

2. I think at some point some girls told me to get the fuck out but I don't even remember haha. My brain forgets that stuff so fast but remembers all the good shit. I effectively look at the world through the frame of "Girls love me" and then I only focus on those experiences that make that frame stronger.

3. Me and my main wingman have similar styles of game. He's better than me (maybe I'll be as good as him in 6 months?) but we both love to say whatever bullshit comes to mind. He pulled a girl out of the bar last night after opening her by saying:

"Hey, look I can flex my boobs" and then he put her hands on his chest.

4. Saw a girl walking towards me, put my arm around her and started leading her in the opposite direction right off the open. It worked because I didn't care if it would work, I just wanted to try it.

5. Kissed a girl in less than thirty seconds but then she ran away. I think her friends were leaving the bar and she didn't want to get left behind.

Notes

*There is a next-level vibe where you give less fucks about the interaction and you're not so god damn fucking anxious about micro-monitoring every second of the girls experience, I.e. pinging off her. It's a nuanced point because you absolutely have to read the girl to calibrate (too physical, not physical enough, feels uncomfortable, wants you to kiss her, about to leave, etc.) and yet you can do that without always pinging so much off of her and changing your state based on her micro-reactions. Unfortunately in the moment this seems to be one of those things that you can't consciously control, it just sorts itself out as you get better.

*I want to make it a mission that as soon as I have a girl who has hooked and I can lead, I take her with me to open another girl. This really isn't that hard or a big deal at all. I've just never really done it before so it seems like a big deal.

*I did a couple of reapproaches last night and I feel good about that. Kudos all around. Now, keep doing it!

*The shape of my game is beginning to take form and it looks like this: be the motherfucker having the most fun out of anyone at the bar. At this point it's not even so much traditional pickup as it is just not giving any fucks about the outcome and doing your own thing so hard that girls want to join in. It's fucking glorious, but to get consistently good you basically have to get rid of all your irrational fears. I.e. fear of reapproaching, fear of mixed sets, fear of massive sets, fear of hot girls, fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid, etc. Takes time, but I'm convinced that the rewards will be massive..

 

[Davai]

For three minutes I've been trying to pull Anna, who is wearing a black dress, but she refuses to leave with me. Keeps giving me excuses like "But my phone is dead!" and so forth. After trying multiple times and saying "Two seconds, two seconds, we'll come right back" about 17 times, I let her go. Take a step back and talk with my wingman. She walks off towards the bar. I tell my wingman:

"I'll meet you at the next venue in a second, but I want to get her Facebook first."

So I go up to the girl in the black dress and hold out my phone, say:

"Hey, I'm getting out of here but first I've got to get your Facebook."

She turns to look at me and I've never seen her before, it's a different girl. At this point one could say "Oh, sorry. Thought you were someone else."

Or........

You can play it off, act like you know her and insist on getting her Facebook. Which is obviously what I do, and I get it too. Funniest shit, who would guess. Be persistent enough, own it and you'll get it. Feeling energized I bounce, meet up with my wingman at the next bar. He's in set with three cute Swedish girls and I join in. We talk for ten minutes, one girl teaches me some Swedish swear words. I tell her that in Dutch people say "cancer" to mean "fuck". It's a regular cultural exchange. Then the girls leave and so do we. I open one more set in the doorway of the bar and then that's it, night over.

But let's skip back to the beginning. First set of the night I didn't even have to open. I was in the staircase when a girl said hi to me, asked me if I was French. I replied I wasn't, then I started breaking rapport with her.

"Get the fuck out of my country. Who told you that you can be here? Go back to your own place and eat a baguette!"

And so forth. Girls eat this shit up. She says I'm cute, I put her arm around me, we start walking towards the outdoor area and I tell her that "We would have beautiful babies together." This set goes well, she's digging me, but she's also all over the place. I feel like I have to keep getting her attention every thirty-seconds. This gets old so I leave her and go downstairs. I open a girl and start speaking. Her friend is very rude:

"Get the fuck out. Go away, we don't want you here!"

It's actually surprising when you get this. 95% of girls will never be this mean or direct in the rejection. They'll just do the "girls night out" or "nice to meet you" thing. But in terms of how it feels to get told this, it kind of sucks but in a way it's good too. I'm seeking strong reactions. I'm being polarizing and if I want girls to really like me, it means that other girls will really not like me.

From there I transition to the girl with the black dress (see above). She's from Alabama and I tell her:

"Do you have permission to be in New York? Go back to your fucking state with your car on the cinder blocks in the front yard and your chained up dog. I bet that you have a pet goat and milk cows for fun. Etc.."

I'm actually, genuinely concerned that I'm taking it too far but she eats it up. Of course this stuff is great and makes the interaction fun for me, but you also balance it out with some real conversation and questions. I've learned that if you only do the craziness then there's no meat to the conversation and girls might think you're funny but they'll never take you seriously.

So I develop a real conversation with this girl then I move her to a new spot in the club. We talk and talk then I seed the pull by suggesting we go get some cookies. A few minutes after bringing this up, I go for it.

"Come on, let's go get some cookies right now! That'll be so good!"

I get her as close as the exit of the club but it's a no-go. Simply not happening. I persist like a motherfucker but there's no way. Her phone is dead, she's here with two friends, she has an 8am flight, and so on..

Notes

*This is minor point but interesting none the less. I was with that French girl who opened me and she wanted to smoke. Asked me if I had a lighter. I didn't, then I changed the topic. However, she left me to go find someone with a lighter. So in the future when a girl asks about the lighter, I would say no, but then I would take her hand and go find someone who did have one. It's an easy chance to lead, solve a problem, and you avert the problem that she may leave the set to find someone with a lighter.

*I love that twinge of fear I get in the club because I know that by doing that thing that's producing the fear I'm going to grow. For example, I felt that fear before opening the girl where the friend blew me the fuck off. Great! I think to myself. A chance to open this set and get better as a human. Same thing with going for the pull. I felt a good deal of fear about trying for this (I've only pulled a girl out of a bar a couple of dozen times and so relatively speaking it's foreign territory) and then I did it! God it feels good. I got the reference experience and I'm happy.

*I'm working with the new idea of pulling without ever having made out with the girl. A majority of my pulls I've already made out with the girl, but that doesn't have to be the case.

*Mere exposure effect is huge. The coatcheck girl and the main bottle service girl at my favorite club both adore me even though I hardly ever talk to them. But I've seen them over and over. This has led them to like me / trust me? It's one of those things of girl attraction I don't fully understand. Like a guy can see a fat chick 1,458 times and not like her anymore than a skinny cute girl. But a girl seeing you over and over definitely has some effect.

 

[Davai]

I pulled last night and for that I’m glad. The end of May will mark my one year anniversary since I started going out regularly. 12 months, 12 pulls that seems fitting and I’m glad to have achieved it. Now that I still have three weeks left in the month it seems pretty damn likely that I’ll be pulling again. Hell, I plan on pulling this weekend. Make this shit happen, there’s no reason it shouldn’t. Anyways, let’s look at the evening. I’m going to break down the first part and in the following section I’ll break down just the pull, so scroll down some if you just want to read that.

The First Half of the Night

I was planning on going out in Williamsburg, but when my wingman texted me at 11:30 I dropped that plan and caught the first train to Meatpacking. The club was denying people left and right but I got right in. Upstairs I opened a girl who was cute but there was no connection between us. Out of inexperience I used to try to force these interactions which usually resulted in the girl “blowing me out” because she realized better than me that we had no connection. Now I understand that connection issue too and I’m quick to leave.

Next set is a French girl who I end up staying with for about half an hour, and it looked like this. Opened her while she was dancing, talk, talk, talk. Move her to a new part of the club. She gets makeout eyes but when I lean in for it she’s not down. Says she has to find friends. Friend comes and friend is very, very cute and practically begging for it. So obvious she likes me and wants it. Move group outside for cigarette. Take two girls and rudely interrupt my wingman who is in the corner making out with some girl. Not sure why I did that, stupid. Lead girls back downstairs, dance some more, get my girl’s number, bounce. In retrospect I am not pleased with how I handled this set. So many things I would change. For example..

*When I saw the makeout eyes I only tried once for the kiss then I gave up on it. I should have tried for the kiss multiple times. I could save myself a lot of time because if she doesn’t want to kiss I’m going to guess she doesn’t want to hook up (certainly some nuances here such as she’s not ready yet or I can pull without getting the makeout).

*When the stupidly-cute friend came in I should have started working with her. There is certainly some risk here but since my girl wasn’t giving me tons of great vibes I think I could have easily switched to the friend who was flat out staring at me. Even if I lost the set because of the switch I would have been happy because I did it in pursuit of an extremely attractive female specimen.

*I got my girl’s number but I don’t plan to text her. In fact I regret getting the number because it was a coward’s way out. What I actually should have done is gone for the pull. Even though I thought (in the moment) there was a low chance I would get it, I fucking want that reference experience. And besides, wtf do I know. Maybe half the time when I think the girl is not down for the pull she actually is. I still have much to learn.

Overall I wish that I had been more dominant, tried harder for the kiss and tried for the pull. I learned some lessons though and I’ll do better next time. Open a few girls who quickly blow me off, they’re obviously insane to not recognize my sheer awesomeness.

Meet up with my wingman’s buddy and we open two girls on the roof. I take the *less than ideal* one and he takes the cute one. My girl is from Switzerland and she’s frankly overwhelmed by me. I’m in an uber-fucking-social vibe and breaking rapport and then reeling her back in and she just can’t handle it. I think I fried her brain haha. Eventually things wind down and I talk with my wingman’s buddy, grab his number then he bounces. I turn around and open two girls by telling them they’re not bringing enough soul to their dancing. They’re from San Francisco and I rip on them mercilessly for it, especially when they try to tell me it’s the best city ever.

These two women are fun and I see the two Swiss girls just standing there so I merge the fucking sets! It goes so well. Every time I do this (I’ve done it like 3 times haha) the girls love it, they shake hands, they say nice things, they ask questions. It’s fucking glorious. Seeing how easy and awesome this is fills me with inspiration. I want to walk into a bar, find a girl I’m totally comfortable with (Aka not that attractive) open and hook her, then say:

“Oh man, they look interesting! Let’s go talk to them.”

Then I take her to open some cuter girls. And I just do this over and over. Pure fucking insanity, pure fucking fun. I love it, it makes the night amazing for me.

At this point it’s close to 2am. I’ve been out about two hours, I’ve done some cool shit, learned some lessons, but a major sticking point for me is that I don’t stay out long enough. I’m bad about this. Since I still have energy I decide to stick it out a while longer. I grab some water from the bar then I go sit on the edge of a sofa and look at the NYC skyline.

My Bed Warmer

Sitting on the edge of the sofa I see her walk up alone and look out the window. I yell something to her about how glorious NYC is and we start talking. She’s being physical with me and it’s going well. I see the chance for a makeout and I go in for it but she turns her head every time I go for it. But I’m cool with it, doesn’t really matter. Just like I did last night I bring up the idea of this awesome cookie place a few minutes away and describe how they’re so good and they serve them warm. She says:

“That sounds good, I’m starving.”

I say: “Cool, we should get some.”

Then before she has a chance to rationally think this over I grab her hand and start leading her towards the exit of the club. I can tell she’s a bit uneasy with this but I cover that up by talking and talking. Doesn’t matter what I say, so long as words pour out of my mouth. I grab my backpack from coat check and we start walking towards the cookie place. Halfway there she stops me, says:

“Wait! This is bad. I don’t know you and now we’re leaving the club together. You’re a stranger!”

Damage control. I immediately start telling her about myself. I tell her where I work, where I went to university, what my favorite color is, how long I’ve been in NYC, where I’ve traveled, etc. This is the right thing to do and she lets me continue to lead her. Then she says:

“I can’t go to your place! We don’t even know each other.”

I remind her that we’re going to the cookie place and that I don’t sleep there. Which brings up an interesting point. If I had tried for the direct pull straight to my place it might not have worked. I think going to the cookie place built up some trust because we really did go there, we got a cookie, and she saw that I wasn’t totally full of bullshit. Just mostly full of it, but that’s fine. But I think the cookie place (or any stop before my bedroom) was the right call in this situation because I pulled her out of the club after only 10 minutes or so and we hadn’t built up comfort or trust. Whereas the times when I’ve pulled straight to the bedroom I’ve talked to the girl more (45 min to 1 hr) and so there’s more comfort and a stronger bond.

At the cookie place I call an Uber and I don’t even make up witty things to say, it’s just implied that we’re going back to my place. She keeps bringing it up and it’s obvious she’s down. During the car ride she comes unglued a bit and I realize that while this girl is attractive she’s a mess. I would never date her for all the schekels in the world, but for a night of sex it’s cool.

Get to my place, she still feels uncomfortable. I don’t push for sex. We lie on my bed and talk while I rub her calf. She has some emotional drama with her drunk sister and screams in French at her on the phone. It’s nutty. After the phone call I start to push more for sex but as soon as I reach under her leggings she freezes up. Whatever, I say I have to use the bathroom, she does too. She goes first, then I go, and when I come back she’s under my blanket. She tells me to give her a massage. I do this and notice she has no pants on anymore, just her thong. That’s all, game over. She had an incredible body just like I love. Super fucking thin, medium sized boobs, skinny neck and legs, I fucked her twice and it was great. Then I called her an Uber, she went back to Manhattan and that was the night.

Notes

*I really, really like the idea of treating every girl the same. I same the same things and act the same way towards the hot girl as I do the less than ideal one. It’s a powerful idea and one that I talked a lot more about it in this post.

*Pulling man, always in the back of the mind is the pull. I don’t want to fuck with phone numbers and day twos except in rare cases. 95% of the time my single aim is to pull, that’s it. Bathroom, my bedroom, her place.

*My nights are getting consistently better. I have a better understanding of what I need to do in order to have a solid night out and I execute on that. Do things that scare me, make it epic, have fun, and do it for the reference experience not the result.

*I think there are some subtle success barriers that try to influence me. It’s like they say you’re doing too good, fuck this up! And I push past them for all I’m worth but it’s honestly scary sometimes. By pushing past them I’m becoming an entirely new person and while that’s what I want, it’s not necessarily easy.

 

[Davai]

Went out last night around midnight. It was Saturday but I didn't give a fuck, I just wanted to open a few sets and call it a night. Went to the local beerhall and opened two girls dressed in black. One had just gotten married that day and I congratulated her. The other one was not married and I focused on her. Had a great conversation, her eyes were saucers. However, even though she was obviously attracted she kept her distance. Every time I tried to close space she backed up a bit. I figure she had a boyfriend.

Ended up talking to the groom for ten minutes. Nice enough dude, although I feel bad that he's now married to an unattractive woman. But I suppose someone has to get married to the less than ideal girls, sure as hell isn't going to be me.

I leave the groom behind and go talk to a cute girl wearing a white hat. She's from Bulgaria and also happens to be married. In the beginning there is a bit of indecisiveness but then my frame of "I'm awesome" wins and the conversation plays out on my terms. Eventually she leaves to go be with her friends / husband. Fair enough. I leave the beer hall, go back home feeling fantastic about myself. I went out solo, had some really cool interactions, and I feel like a million bucks.

Notes

*Game teaches you faster reaction speed. In the club sometimes you have about 1.16 seconds to do a great approach. After a while you get used to pulling the trigger without thinking, you trust your judgement. Interesting example happened today when my boss was getting out of a taxi and I had half second to see, before he closed the door, that he left his phone on the seat. Acted instantly on that and was able to stop the taxi before it pulled out into traffic. A year ago I don't think I would have done this. I think I would have doubted my own judgement and not acted quick enough. Thanks game!

*I'm awesome, girls love me. I truly believe this.

 

[Davai]

Last night was the first time I went out in a week. I went out with the intention of pulling and that's exactly what happened. I didn't feel like my game was any different, nor should it be after only a week. The biggest change I noticed is that my vocal chords wore out faster. After an hour I was having trouble speaking at full volume. That was interesting, I guess you have to use them or lose them. Anyways, let's look at the night.

Get to Meatpacking, get into my favorite club, open some sets. It's going great with a Swedish girl and her friend. Halfway through my favorite cocktail waitress comes up, puts her arm around me, starts telling the girls about me and using my name. Social proof times 100x. I think pulling this waitress would be the easiest thing in the world. Also, I think she would be an ideal pivot because she knows exactly what I'm at that club to do, she likes me, we could probably have a threesome. Anyways, that's speculation but the door is open.. I grab Swedish girl's number and bounce.

Open some girls from Austria (The NYC curse, lot's of girls but half of them are leaving in three days). This set is going well when a pickup guy who I like shows up and introduces me to his friend. We all form a big group, it's awesome. My night is off to an amazing start and I feel like a thousand bucks. This is shaping up to be glorious. Then I get a text, my wingman (who is visiting from Chicago) got denied by the club. Two options. I can wish him best of luck and continue with my glorious night. Or I can leave this all and go hang out with him. I decide to hang out with him. I like meeting cool guys, I like expanding my social network and I have an awesome night 90% of the time at this club, there will always be time in the future to enjoy it.

Meet up with my wingman, we start opening sets on the street. We're trying to walk to a bar down the block but we always get halfway there, then open some girls walking the opposite direction and go with them. After the third time this happens and we're still not at the bar, I start shouting:

"Fuck this, enough! We will reach the end of this god damn fucking sidewalk! I don't give a fuck!"

My wingman: "Blinder glasses on!"

Get there and open a lot. Nothing stood out as exceptional, except my one action. I was running out of steam and feeling tired. But as soon as I started feeling like that I said No! I'm awesome, and I'm having fun. I kept repeating these things on a loop, over and over. Do that long enough and it becomes a reality. We leave that bar and go to another. Open some more sets. Talk to a girl from Oregon. My eye contact is solid but she won't look at me in the eyes. It's the dangerrrrr zoneeee because if she does it long enough she knows things will happen.

We leave that set, make another round, talk to some Asian girls. Then we see two girls and my wingman opens them. We all talk for a while then I lead my girl to go get an apple. Then I tell her that I want to see if my friend is outside on the sidewalk and I lead her there. She won't come outside the door of the bar though. I'm aware that she's not going to leave her friend and I have to work with this. I want to bounce them somewhere else but I see that their beers are half full and they won't leave. It pays to be aware of these things.

Eventually the bar kicks us out (they close really early) and we end up on the sidewalk. My wingman is tired, he bounces, leaving me with the two girls. They both say they're tired. I say to my girl:

"Yeah, I don't want to stay out any longer either. I'll just walk you home then I'll leave."

I walk her home (my girl has Grade A+ logistics. She lives alone, 5 minutes from the bar) and she lets me right in. We go to her room, I chill on the bed, show her a music video, then we start making out (hadn't even kissed before this) and two minutes later she puts some condoms in my hand. That was that. She had an insanely loud bed that probably woke up the neighbors. We moved to the floor. Don't think I've ever done that before, another thing to cross off the list.

Notes

*I started off the night with ridiculousness high energy. I was like a firecracker, and like a firecracker I soon burned out. This really wasn't a big deal, my normal state of being is fine. But it can feel like a big deal because you get used to the ultra-uber-social state then going back to normal feels like a downgrade. I'm really not sure how to handle this. It's not like I forced this state, it just came from banging out my approaches. When I feel this way should I try to even it out and downplay it? Will I be able to hold it longer and longer the more I go out? I suspect yes, but until that starts happening I'm not sure what the optimal approach is to handling this. I don't want to come to depend on feeling like that in order to pull. In a way it would be just like a guy who depends on alcohol to approach.

*I pulled last night so I obviously did some things right, but I still feel like I was too fidgety. I feel like I was moving my feet around, moving my head all around, playing with my hands, shrugging my shoulders, all this shit. Very twitchy and beta. Think about the alpha-lion. He just sits there like a fucking boss and owns the little beta wannabees with a glance. That's what I'm aiming for, the deep grounded energy. I don't want to let that escape through all sorts of annoying behaviors.

*The greatest moments of growth last night came from when I maintained the vibe of "I'm having fun, I'm awesome" instead of letting the night overtake me. And also, when I suggested that I walk my girl home. I was genuinely nervous to do this. I have pulled multiple times but it's still new ground as opposed to other things (like opening, which I've done thousands of times). Thankfully I know that growth comes from doing things that scare you, and so I did what I was nervous to do and I got laid.

*There was little chemistry between me and the girl last night. I've become much more aware of this. Attraction is not necessarily chemistry. You may fuck a girl who you have no chemistry with, but it's not nearly as much fun as hooking up with one who you genuinely connect to. So far I've pulled two girls who I had genuine chemistry with. To bad they live in New Zealand and LA, otherwise there was real potential to get to know them better.

*I'm developing the belief that every night I go out I pull. It doesn't matter worth a fuck how long it's been since I pulled last, tonight is the night! This is a tough belief to have without experience, but once you start sleeping with more girls the belief grows stronger. I've pulled 3 girls in the last 20 days, which is really sick. I see no reason for this train to slow down.

*In my daily life I'm beginning to focus more on all the good and how awesome I am, versus beating myself up for the bad. For example, it's very easy for me to get mad at myself for not opening a girl in the shop, or not staying out long enough, etc. Usually I just hammer on this "bad" shit till I feel crummy. I do it because I always want to achieve more, but I just don't think it's effective. I think it's better to focus on all the good things I'm doing, forget about the bad, and then because I feel good more of the time I'll be more likely to do those things like the subway set or stay out longer.

 

[Davai]

One of those nights of grinding it the fuck out without a lot of results to show for it (although my criteria for what constitutes good results has gone up considerably). I enjoyed the night, it was good. My only concern on a night like this is that I’m not taking the correct action. I did a lot, I opened 30 sets or so, but was I doing it with the right mindset? Obviously something was off. It’s hard to say what, but if I could figure it out I would have accomplished more.

Best set of the night: I opened three girls and one of them turned out to be very attractive. I was just able to keep my shit together with her and I’m proud that I was able to move her to a secluded area. She was wide eyed and liked me but I went for the makeout at the wrong moment. There was a brief window, I missed it, I tried for it after that window and she rejected it. Damn. A lesson like that teaches you to go for it during the correct window. Sharpens the senses and hones the mind.

I casually open another two dozen sets or so..

I honestly don’t know what you can say about them except that I did them. I did my damn best to stay upbeat and keep the vibe of I’m awesome and I’m having fun. It’s not always easy. Reality will throw a lot of shit at your face which goes against those two beliefs, and it’s up to you to make the good vibe win out. I’m getting better at this.

I was with my Chicago wingman who is a blast. He chided me for not befriending more door people and he’s right to do so. I haven’t done it because it’s outside my comfort zone. Like anything though, just have to push past it. Through him I was introduced to the door guy Jay who I’ve seen twenty or thirty times but never spoken to.

By 2am I was more destroyed than the Japanese Navy at the end of WWII. I opened a few sets where girls flat out rejected me. When that starts to happen I throw in the towel and call it a night. Said goodbye to my wingman, he’s going back to Chicago. Took the train home doing the same thing as usual: thinking about game.

Notes

*Crushed it with talking to everyone tonight. Opened so many sets. The results were not exceptional, but I think the overarching lesson is to let go. Stop seeking an outcome, generate your own happiness. Fail to do so and you’ll get steamrolled.

*Merged one set and as usual the girls loved it.

*There must be some insecurity buried in my psyche that holds me back from talking to door guys (in general) and making friends. Wonder why I feel like this? What experience in my life is responsible for this?

*I feel awesome. I went out and left a part of my soul out there. I pushed past my comfort zone limits and acted in ways that I expect to bring me long term success. And did that shit sipping on water, surrounded by drunk people.

*There was a girl last night who was instantly into me. We got right into each others faces and my wingman accurately pointed out that there was a quick window for a makeout, after having talked for 20 or 30 seconds. I didn’t go for it, but a few minutes later she reopened me, put her arms around me, got in my face and was grabbing my butt. When something like this happens my natural inclination is to write it off and say something like:

“She acts this way with every guy. I’m just the next person. I’ve done nothing to deserve this.”

You know, she probably doesn’t act that way with every guy.. Also, by that logic I should be thinking the same way every time a girl blows me off. But I don’t, instead I think:

“My game wasn’t good enough. Weak approach, not enough eye contact, bad tonality.”

Insanity. I write off the success and own the failure. Should be the other way around.

 

[Davai]

Last night was a fucking blast. It was me out having fun without feeling like I was trying. I opened everything which helped a lot. I was talking to women who I would never in a million years sleep with but that was fine. For one thing, women like this quickly become attracted and give you all sorts of signs that they like you. That's a boost. For another, easier to keep momentum. Finally, I'm not filtering interactions so I'm less in my head.

I got two numbers last night which is unusual, I rarely take numbers. I opened a cute girl and talked to her for about ten minutes. I spoke a bit to her friend was well. At the end she said it was very nice talking to me, she liked me, but she really had to catch up with her friend, would I like to get her number? So I asked her when she's free, made tentative plans, took the number and bounced.

Biggest regret of the night (in hindsight 15 hours later) is the second number I got. Opened a girl and immediately commented that she has hazel eyes just like me. She's very cute and I'm attracted. We talk and then I find out she also has my exact same birthday! I can practically see her melt. Girls love this "fate" kind of thing. Hell, I think it's cool too. The conversation is going good and I ask to move her outside so we can talk easier. She says no because she's about to leave. I say that's too bad, then ask when she's free so I can set up a date. We figure out the details, I get her number, we say goodbye. The next day I'm banging my head against the wall. The best move here would have been to say:

"Hey, I'll walk you home."

She lived 10 minutes away (I used the "I'll walk you home" last weekend with great success). I've been beating myself up because last night I was unusually in the zone, this girl was really cute, had great logistics and she liked me. Everything was there but I missed the opportunity. I vow to not do that again! At the same time I also recognize that there are always more cute girls and I've not ruined my life.

I often get asked why I do nightgame and not daygame. What it comes down to is simply this: I think nightgame is the hardest. If you can crack that nut, you can do anything. This Tuesday night spot is a fucking shitshow of insanity. For me to go in there and have a solid fucking night is a big deal! I've gone there many, many nights and gotten destroyed. Daygame presents fewer challenges (in my opinion). Walking around in the park is pleasant. It's not a loud and intimidating environment that can easily sweep you off your feet.

All in all I give the night an A. If I had asked / told that girl that I'll walk her home that would have made it an A+, regardless of whether she said yes or not. That aside, my headspace was great. 90% of the night felt effortless and enjoyable. I was generating lots of attraction without "trying". I also noticed I was being much less physical, only throwing it in there when I needed to.

Final set of the night, very cute skinny blonde girl. Kept trying to move her outside, she was refusing. Finally she said:

"Just go out there and I'll meet you outside in 5 minutes, I promise."

Lord only knows if she kept that promise because I didn't wait up.

 

[Davai]

I saw her a few minutes ago but I didn't open. Now, standing next to my wingman, I see her walking towards me. I stick out my arm, she puts her hand on mine, my wingman puts his hand on her arm. She look into my eyes, she looks into his eyes, and she drops my hand. Twenty seconds later my wingman is making out with her. Two minutes later he pulls her out of the bar.

"Anthrax, I'm going to send you anthrax!" I yell at him as he walks out of the bar. Then I send him a text saying the same thing, just in case he didn't hear me.

Game is viscous. You learn that fairytale love is about as real as a Bill Clinton's marriage integrity. Girls respond to guys with the most game. Second best is just a fancy way of saying loser.

Anyways, good night all around. I went to the Tuesday spot and did ten or fifteen sets like it was nothing. Of course I immediately accepted this as the new norm and mentally berated myself for not doing more. There's some truth there, I should have done more and stayed out longer. But it's critical that I also acknowledge my progress and realize that even just two months ago I found it very, very difficult to have a good night at this Tuesday bar and now things have dramatically improved.

I went back home to my cow town for a while so I haven't talked to a girl in eight or nine days. First girl of the night says: "I'm sorry, I just really don't want to talk to you."

Swell, got that out of the way. Open another girl who is immediately into me. Wide eyes, hanging onto my words, asking me questions. However, she needs a beer and goes with her friends to get one. I did nothing to stop her, that was no good. I should have tried several things.

Go with her and her friends to get a drink. Don't love this option.
Tell friends to get her a beer while we stay here. Like this option a lot more. Automatic isolation and I get to talk to her alone.
Get her number, tell her I'll find my friends but let's meet up in ten minutes.

I like option number 2 the most. Unfortunately I didn't take any action and she left, arguably the best set of the night in terms of how well it hooked. Ouch. I open many more sets and they all go just "OK". I reapproach a few girls, kudos to me on that. I do a few difficult approaches that my brain didn't want me to do. Fuck my brain, I hate that thing so much. It's as useful as a fat guy in a marathon.

Thoughts

*Last night I wanted to get to the essence of authentic expression. How can I express myself as honestly as possible. How does this manifest? In terms of words, it would mean walking up to girls and saying:

"Hey, I hate this place. There's puke over there in front of the bar. Everyone is drunk and retarded. Apart from my wingman I don't know if there's three guys in this entire place that I would want to hang out with. I think you're cute though and I haven't had sex in 14 days. How would you like to hop into a taxi right now, go back to my place and hook a few times?"

That would be honesty in words, but it hardly seems like the best route towards getting laid. How else can I become more authentic? I really wish there was an easy answer but I'm not sure there is one. It's like chipping away at a piece of marble till you get the statue inside.

*I have to stay out longer and do more sets. I wake up in the morning and regret it when I don't. I beat myself up so bad when I don't stay out loner and I wonder if this isn't hurting me? You become what you focus on, and I wonder if by focusing on my failures I just bring them about again? I would probably do better from focusing on all the times I have stayed out longer.

*I didn't lead enough last night. Sets withered because of it. Always better to try and lead than to let a set die.

*My brain hurts.

 

[Davai]

If I can have as much fun as I did last night after only a year in game, I can't even imagine what two or three years deep is going to look like. For everything I did at the club I give myself an A+. I did so many things correct that I can't think of anything I would change. Although, I did have one questionable decision and I'll start with that.

It's an hour or two deep in the club. I'm talking to a cute Asian girl and she likes me. I'm about ten minutes into the conversation when I see a girl, alone, leaning against the bar. It's so obvious that she wants to get fucked that she might as well have it tattooed on her naval. I'm not sure how you can explain it, but once you've gone out enough you begin to read these things. Based on experience, I think there's about an 80% chance that if I open this "fuck me" girl, it will go well. However..

I'm with this cute Asian girl and I actually like the challenge. She's not going to make it easy for me. Getting to the makeout will test my game because she will not give me good signs and she'll fight me the whole way. This presents itself as a puzzle and I can't resist it. I stay with the Asian. Fifteen minutes later I'm in the bathroom when I see the "fuck me" girl walk in, lips wrapped around some guy. I left before I saw if they went into a stall, but she was practically dragging him in there so I assume that, unless he was impotent, they fucked.

I ended up pulling my Asian girl out of the club to the cookie place, but she wouldn't leave with me to go back to my place in Brooklyn. From the get-go I figured there was an 80% chance she wouldn't be pulled home. Asian girl, prudish, staying in NYC with a friend who would judge her for leaving with a guy. I chose to stay with her anyways though. I did it because I saw the potential to gain some interesting experience, I was actually attracted to her (unlike most Asian women), and I was having fun.

The rest of the night, it was glorious. I kicked some serious ass. All of those sets where your brain says don't approach! I approached them. I felt awesome because of it. Towards the end of the night I had girls catching my eye and one woman very obviously bumped into me and looked back to see if I would talk to her. It's funny though, I wasn't in some super amped up crazy state. I was just feeling very good and awfully comfortable. I was 100% content with myself and everything that was happening.

I also had two separate girls tell me that I had to leave. One girl simply couldn't handle the tension that I was creating. Another set my wingman said some stuff about Australia that they took offense too and the girl said:

"Ok, enough! You guys have to leave. Your friend has blown it for everyone. Please leave!"

Of course we just stayed there and debated with them the validity of their reasoning, and so three minutes later we're still standing there fighting about whether we should leave or not. People were looking at us, I was laughing so hard I couldn't think of anything to say. It was fucking awesome, I live for moments like this. In the earlier set where I was dismissed by the friend, I ignored it, plowed on with my girl, dealt with pressure, and then once she got even more attracted because of how I handled it, I abruptly left A girl telling you that it's over doesn't necessarily mean it's over. I distinctly remember one girl who initially told my wingman to fuck off and she hated him. Twenty seconds later she had melted into his arms and later she came up to me looking for him. Everything, everything is a shit test. Pass it and you win.

Game Styles

It's interesting to see different styles of game. Because what is good game really but a positive attitude and an authentic expression of yourself. That means that a litany of different "styles" can be effective. For example, I met up with two wings at the club last night. One is a shorter Mexican dude, laid back, professional looking with a great haircut and a self-possessed manner. The other is this obnoxious, doesn't give a fuck, completely irreverent dude who polarizes the living fuck out of everything. Both of them do very well. The polarizing dude has lots of options and the Mexican guy has recently started promoting at some high end venues because he's brought so many girls out.

Trying to copy another person's style of game is a foolish task because what works great for them may be horrible for you. If the calm Mexican dude tried to act like the balls to the wall crazy dude, it would be horrible because it would be completely against his personality. Game is finding a way to love your personality so that girls love it too.

Cute Girls

I talked to a pair of very attractive girls last night. They thought I was great, I thought I was great, everything was great. What struck me is that generating attraction didn't require anything other than just having a good conversation and being non-needy. I was just a chill fun dude and they were all about it! As I continue to hook up with more attractive women I continue to take them off the pedestal. Girls are girls, guys are guys. We're all human beings. A girl may be genetically blessed with a skinny body and a beautiful face, but underneath that everything else is the same. I can treat her just like I treat every other girl. When I reach the point where I'm hooking up with 9s and 10s it won't be because I learned a bunch of new game tricks, it will just be because I'm able to be my cool normal self with a stunning woman.

Mistakes

After some reflection I can think of two mistakes.

1. I sat down next to a cute girl and began to talk to her. After two minutes her friend pulled her away, saying:

"I'm really sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom."

I was a bit peeved because my girl liked me, I liked her, it was good. So I said:

"It's OK, I know that you're jealous that she's talking to me not you."

In retrospect this was not a good thing to say. Now, when I see those two girls later (which happened) the friend is going to be my enemy and will do everything in her power to keep me and my girl apart. Versus if I had just let her go, I could go back in later. Maybe what I said was true, maybe it wasn't. Who knows. But it didn't help me to get what I wanted.

2. Those two cute girls I mentioned, we talked for about ten minutes then I moved them downstairs. I grabbed some water from the bar, danced a bit, then I reapproached the one I liked. She kind of ran away. I was perplexed, I thought the interaction was going great so far? I attribute this odd reaction to two things. One is that another guy was about to buy these two girls some drinks so it would be bad if they were seen talking to me. Also, earlier, a weird fucking gay British dude had started talking to my girl and creeping her out a bit. Instead of being the man, moving her, getting her away from this creepy perv who was later dancing in his underwear, I just let him talk to her and talked to her friend instead. I think this was bad. Showed that I didn't have the real instincts to handle any situation. I'm speculating on this, but my interpretation seems like it could be valid.

 

[Davai]

Tonight raised more questions than answers. I wish that I had some high level guy standing behind my back so that I would know where I fucked up. While I can only speculate at my mistakes, tonight was fucking awesome on 9 different levels. It's incredible what accomplished by going out with the intent of having fun, not "doing pickup". I had a fantastic night out solo, talked to a bunch of girls, and did it all in venues that I haven't traditionally done great in. Altogether I give myself an A+, two nights in a row of that ranking!

I think the most useful way to break down the night is to go over the notable sets.

Stella

Said hello as she was smoking a cancer-encourage outside the bar. I wasn't really that attracted so it went pretty damn well. She was 31 and Asian, not cute like the Asian girl from last night. We went inside the bar together, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So in the meantime I opened the cutest girl in the bar who was nice, but gave me no positive signals. Cute girls often don't, and I lack that strong icy pimpstate to power through. It will come in time.

I leave the cute girl, look around the bar and there's not much else. I'm about to leave when Stella waves at me. I go over and talk some more, she's wide eyed like a kid about to get a shot. We vibe and I'm just having fun, no goal in mind* (note on this at the end of this report). Her friend shows up, I introduce myself to him. He goes to get a beer, I tell Stella I'd like to meet up and get her number. This would be an easy day two but I think she falls just under my standards bar.

Girl in the Tanktop

First set of the night. My mindset was really good. I don't give a fuck, I'm here to have fun, I just want to limber up and get into the vibe. I think this girl liked me but she had two or three guy friends around and that blocked the communication. She refused to move anywhere with me. Also, I've begun noticing with about 25% of girls, as I close space they back away. Sometimes it's almost comical because after ten minutes we're twelve feet from where we started. Something is amiss here.

The obvious thing to say is: you're making the girl feel uncomfortable, you need to give her room, back off. Got it, but at the same time, if I don't close space then I'm not making it clear what I'm there for. Closing space is also what sets up the makeout. Also, having been aware of this for a few weeks, I've been experimenting. When I notice the girl leaning away I'll back off and take a step back and wait. What ends up happening is the space never gets closed. What to do? Maybe this is just a sign the girl is not ready to be physical, her buying temperature is extremely low. Possible. Maybe another solution is that I change our positioning so that I'm leaning against a wall and then I start pulling her into me. Need more reference points and experience.

Dancing Girl

I was on the dance floor about to be overtaken by the atmosphere, when I reminded myself: I'm awesome, I'm here to have fun, fuck feeling any negative emotions. This cut the bullshit off at the core, I began to live in that glorious space of glory that I love, and this girl started dancing with me and putting her arms around me. She wasn't my type (I hesitate to say unattractive, she would probably be very cute to some guys) and so I just smiled and danced along and made no effort to push it farther. Pure fun, no motive. I loved every second of it, I had a grin the size of Texas on my face. The only reason I bring this up is that it shows that by cutting off negative thoughts and replacing them with the "I'm awesome" frame I was able to exude positive energy and a girl opened me.

Two Turkish Girls

Last bar of the night, the dance floor was dead. About to leave when I saw a girl sitting in a windowsill. I said hi and her face lit up and we started having a conversation. I sat down next to her. Turned out she's from Turkey which I thought was cool. Her cute friend showed and I end up talking to her, and then the original friend leaves us alone. Cut and dry case of giving us space to be alone. She has makeout eyes but I just can't make it happen the way it should. Everytime I get within 6 inches of her face she backs away a bit and I don't know what to do. Sometimes happens that when I'm with the cute girl, my piece of shit brain short-circuits and causes me to act stupid.

I pull this girl to the dance floor, think we'll make out there. I go for the makeout twice but she keeps pulling away. It's very frustrating because it's obvious she likes me, I like her, we should be kissing but there is some piece of me that is not letting it go down like it should. Am I investing too much or trying too hard? Probably, but I'm not really pissed. Despite my foolish brain I still tried for the makeout, still led her to the dance floor, still opened in the first place. All good shit, and I know that in time I'll have no trouble with these cute girls, I won't be able to keep them off me

Thoughts

My note from above is this: I'm taking a few steps back from the pickup community and some of its beliefs about what's correct and incorrect. For example, I feel like a facet of pickup is that you always need to be maximizing every moment, and that by talking to a girl you wouldn't fuck you're wasting your time. Fuck that! What I'm really learning is that what matters most is how much fun I'm having that night. If I only talk to girls "who could get it" then I end putting all the focus on that, and I'm way less likely to just have a fun ass night and pull.

 

[Davai]

Last night we were out for almost four hours. Girls liked me, a majority of my interactions were solid. Approached a bunch of sets because we kept looking for girls with better logistics. Never found them. Left around 3am, took an hour to get home because my fucking train is shut down. Got 6 hours of sleep before work and here we are. Let's break down the night.

Penelope

One of the final girls of the night. Proud of this one on so many levels. I walked by her, stopped, turned around and came back. We started vibing and after five minutes I tried to move her to a more quiet area. She wouldn't go with me. I kept plowing and then I moved her to the dance floor. Leaned in for the kiss but she wasn't having it. She bailed shortly afterwards, didn't matter. All of my action was on fucking point. I backtracked and opened, I tried to lead, when she said no I kept plowing and then lead her somewhere else, I went for the kiss.

Keep Going

I've mentioned approximately 1 Google times (in field reports like this gem where I threatened my wingman with anthrax) that I need to stay out longer. I did that last night and I'm giving myself massive props. I reached that point where I usually quit, and then I kept going, kept opening. It was fucking glorious, especially because I ended up making out with my second to last set of the night. This is great reference experience for me because it showed that I can kick ass even at the end of the night.

Long Island Girl

Not attractive enough to sleep with, but I did take the time to tell her to get the fuck out of Manhattan and go back to her place. Then I pulled her in, kissed her, and walked away.

French Girl #1

Biggest regret of the night. I met this girl, she was cool. We had a natural rapport. I moved her to a sofa area and we sat down and talked. There was about a 30 second window for the makeout, I missed it, and she left shortly afterwards. Should have gone for it! Would always rather have her turn her head and not let me kiss her than have to spend the rest of my life in regret of what could have been.

Door Guys

My Chicago wingman accurately chided me for not knowing doormen, I'm changing that. Last night I finally got the name of the guy at a popular bar. Whenever he's working the door I should be able to get right in. Also, my favorite club finally let me in without checking my ID. Although I didn't do anything for that, it just happened. What's becoming apparent though is that most door guys are OK human beings. They are not robots. I can be cool with them and they'll be cool with me.

Physicality

Mentioned a few times that I'm being much less physical with girls. Overall this is a solid strategy. However, in some situations the best course of action is to get extremely physical, very fast. There is plenty of potential for quick makeouts doing this. So we're back to the C word, calibration. Figure out when to be physical, when to be laid back. Practice, practice, practice.