Reaching New Levels of Awesome in NYC

[Davai]

I’ve been going out for exactly 13 months, I think my first night was May 28th, 2016. Thirteen months @ 5 nights a week to reach the point where walking up to a woman and introducing myself feels effortless. I suppose this is because my brain is finally used to approaching and I don’t have to deplete willpower reserves. This number, 13 months, seems to have some significance because it’s almost exactly how long it took me to get good at Russian. I’ll call it the click month. Anyways..

Was planning to sample a local bar or two and go home after half an hour. But my wingman hit me up so I went out with him. First girl I opened was a blast to talk to. Even though she was overweight and really not cute, I found myself becoming somewhat attracted after 10 minutes because we were vibing so well. She was surely disappointed when I left. I’m guessing she was thinking we would be great together and she was wishing she could have me. Just like a guy will talk to a sweet gorgeous girl and think that they should be together, even though it will never happen.

Wingman joins, we start walking through LES when we pass three girls on the sidewalk. I notice that one of them is exceptionally beautiful. Ten feet later I say,

“You think we should talk to them..?”

Rhetorical question, we turn back and open. The cutest girl says,

“Didn’t you guys just walk past? And you came back to talk to us, that’s so sweet!”

This one girl dominated the rest of the night. She was very attractive, bubbly as a Vegas fountain and remarkably easy to talk to. We spent an hour with her and all of her Australian friends, it was great. Which brings up this point: I’ve spoken with a lot of guys who say things like,

“I just don’t have the motivation to speak to these girls. I don’t want to spend an hour talking to her, I just want to get laid!”

I’ve felt this too and it makes sense. As guys our prerogative is basically to get to sex as quickly as possible. In the club this can manifest in not approaching because you don’t want to put in the effort. Well in this situation, with this girl who is in NYC to try and become a model, I was willing to speak with her for an hour. This, even though I thought the chance that I would have sex with her was slightly less than 1%. It would seem that the cure for this apathy of not wanting to chat with chicks is to find more attractive women. At least that was my experience tonight, as I have zero regrets for chatting so long with this girl.

Towards the end she was mostly with my wingman so I went to another bar. Opened three or four girls but nothing clicked and I think it’s my fault. My opens were solid but I don’t think I plowed enough in the beginning. It was a high stimulus environment and I needed to amp up the energy and be more physical. I was not nearly persistent enough to show the girl I was really interested.

Around 2:00 I left and on the sidewalk I noticed a tall, well dressed woman. Approached and found out she was Dutch. I started crushing it and after 5 minutes she didn’t want to leave. Her friend was dragging her though and I wasn’t going to walk with her. She was 30 and not quite as cute as I imagined. As she was walking away I could see the consternation on her face, I thought she was going to ask for my number. Gorgeous, experiences like these reinforce the belief that I’m the prize.

That was the night. Three hours out and it was a fucking blast. I haven’t kissed a girl in a while or pulled in a month. I don’t care, I’m not worried. I’m noticing significant improvements in my game and it’s unquestionable that the results will catch up soon enough.

Other Things

This has nothing to do with pickup, it’s about personalities / character. Namely, what unique advantages do you have? If you’re not a naturally outgoing dude, I think it can be very easy to feel that you lost out in the genetic lottery. I certainly felt that way for a long time, especially considering that many of my friends were socially savvy and getting laid. For years I felt like god royally fucked me.

However…

I’ve begun to appreciate that god has not bent me over. My strengths lie in less visible areas. Example: I can focus for long periods of time and sift through piles of material that other people would find intolerably dull. Take my roommate from Kiev, a naturally outgoing dude who has slept with dozens of women and is blessed with a golden mouth. That’s his strength, but when it comes to building an online business it’s fairly difficult for him to focus. He wants to take a break every 15 minutes to chat and be social. Whereas I suspect that I’ll build a more profitable business in less time because I’ll be able to focus more and get more work done every day.

It’s not that I’m lucky or he’s lucky, we’re just different. The important thing to realize is that social skills are not everything, and if you take an objective look at yourself you’ll find strengths that others lack. It can be hard to do this because not all traits are as obvious as social skills, but they are there..

 

[Davai]

At Starbucks I noticed that the girl in front of me was attractive and exceptionally unusual.

"Is that a Blackberry?" I ask. "I had no idea that they still make those!"

"Yeah, I'm the one person with one left." She said.

We chatted for a few minutes, I got her number as they were giving us our coffees and then we left together. Few more minutes of chatting on the sidewalk then we went our separate ways. In my mind this interaction was really fucking solid. The vibe was great. However, I texted her about two hours later and she never replied. Few thoughts,

* Even though we vibed well, it may have been too friendly, I might not have been coming across as a potential guy to sleep with.
* At the very end there was two god damn seconds where it was a bit awkward. Are two seconds of awkward enough to outweigh seven minutes of solid vibing? My natural inclination is to say yes. Perhaps it's fair to say the interaction is only as strong as its weakest link.
* My text to her may have been too long, too much investment.

That happened before work. After work I wanted to go home and do even more work. I was already at Union Square though so I couldn't pass it up. Talked to a cute Russian lady who was sullen and blew me off. I took this 0% personally, she just wasn't feeling social. I ran after a very cute tall Asian woman and scared her on the open. We talked for a while but I could see she wanted to get away. The question is if I plowed more would I have changed it? I'm not sure. Also, helped a cute Russian girl with directions but didn't keep talking to her. That was silly. I guess I was assuming she wouldn't want to talk to me, but if that's the case she can always tell me to leave.

Overall I feel fantastic about what I achieved. I'm normally petrified of doing solo daygame but today I did it, kicked some ass and had fun. If this is now, I can only imagine what six months is going to be like.

 

[foggy]

Even though we vibed well, it may have been too friendly, I might not have been coming across as a potential guy to sleep with.

Were you direct at all? Sometimes all it takes to turn the conversation from platonic to sexual is to ask her if she's single.

Are two seconds of awkward enough to outweigh seven minutes of solid vibing? My natural inclination is to say yes.

Depends....did you do any emotional cementing?

 

[Davai]

Even though we vibed well, it may have been too friendly, I might not have been coming across as a potential guy to sleep with.

Were you direct at all? Sometimes all it takes to turn the conversation from platonic to sexual is to ask her if she's single.

Are two seconds of awkward enough to outweigh seven minutes of solid vibing? My natural inclination is to say yes.

Depends....did you do any emotional cementing?

I could have asked if she was single, that would have been good. I very, very rarely talk about sexual topics, it's a weakness in my game. Not sure what you mean by emotional cementing? The entire interaction was excellent, apart from like 2 seconds of awkwardness at the end.

--

If there is one thing I think that I'm doing wrong at the moment, I'm not pushing the interaction far enough. I'm not consistently bringing a sexual vibe and making it clear what my intentions are. It's interesting that I've talked a lot about how I should be less physical, because now I feel like I'm not being physical enough. I'm searching for that perfect balancing point.

Biggest mistake of last night, walked up to two girls sitting down. Spoke for a while with them, they seemed cool. I noticed they were all out of drinks but I never tried to move them to a new venue! That was fucking stupid because after 15 minutes the conversation died out. There was no forward progression. Who the fuck knows if they would have followed us to a new venue, but the mistake was in not trying.

Another set I noticed that one girl was giving me lots of IOIs but the friend was there and she was judgement heavy. I suspect that my girl would have been down for a lot if she was free of the friend. I left that set but if I could redo it I would stay with my girl and be fairly platonic. However, I would stick it out for as long as possible, then go for the number. I think I could get a fairly high success rate doing that. The more I go out, the more comfortable I feel staying in sets longer, the better things go.

High End Clubs

Unlike other NYC guys, I have put almost zero focus onto getting into good clubs with hotter women. I've not done it for several reasons. The first are run of the mill insecurities, not feeling like I belong there or not feeling like I am worthy of hitting promoters up. All that typical stuff. Of course that can all be overcome, but I haven't worked on it because it's my belief that I can learn the most important lessons at any bar or club. Namely: approach often, approach hard sets, stay in set, go for the pull, maintain good eye contact, don't lean in, etc. It doesn't matter where you are, you can practice this stuff.

That being said, it's reaching the point where I think there would be some real benefits to getting into high end clubs. I could approach more women, talk to more attractive women, and I'd be inclined to stay out longer. Whether I actually choose to put in the effort to make this happen, who knows. I plan on going to SEA in November which isn't that far away. But for damn sure, the next time I plan on living in a city for more than 6 months, I'll make an active effort to find a way into the best clubs.

Fundamentals

A guy on a forum said that "To be advanced is to be advanced in the basics" as in eye contact, tonality, etc. I think this is an awesome quote and it resonates with me. My fundamentals are reaching new levels, especially my eye contact and posture. Still room for improvement, but they've never been better.

 

[Davai]

Report reading music that matches my mood. Field tested this gem tonight,

“Where are you from? I know it’s not America. Look at you, you’ve got to be Russian. Are you Russian? I’m going to call you Svetlana, you can be my mail order bride. You’ll come in the mail.”

Would not recommend. Apart from that I opened about 6 girls and had some interesting experiences. One cute blonde girl liked me immediately and started asking me questions about college. I told her I've already graduated, then said,

"Not you though. You look like you're still in college."

"Yeah, I am." She replied with a smile.

"Yep, you look like you're about 12."

"Oh my god, you're horrible! I do not! How can you say something like that!"

I smile and own it. I tell her that I'm a horrible person and she has to watch out for me. She loves it and gets closer. However, out of the nowhere some flesh colored blobs of pudding appear. They had discovered the ability to walk upright and they kept pulling my girl away. I opened her two more times but each time the pudding intervened.

I talked to a cute girl, asked her where she’s from. She said New Jersey. I replied,

“I knew you weren’t from here! Go back to where you came from!”

I said it with a smile but it was too much, I pushed her too hard. I push girls away like this all the time! I don’t seem to learn. The problem is that theory contradicts with experience. The theory being that girls like to be teased and pushed away. Maybe, but when I do it like this the results are almost always negative. I have to either draw it back in or drop it.

I noticed myself leaning in again. Better than normal, still not as good as it should be. The last set of the night I consciously pulled myself back, that was good.

Here’s the best thing about the evening, it was one of those nights where I really didn’t want to go out. On top of that, I had no wingman to kick it with. For about 1/3rd of a tenth of a second I considered not going out, but the major problem with this is that if you do it once, you set the precedent for skipping out the next time you’re feeling crummy. I planned to go out tonight, I had to do it. So I went to LES and I ended up having a lot of fun and talking to maybe half a dozen girls. Even six months ago I don’t think I would be capable of shifting into this positive state of mind. I give myself props for improvement. It may be happening slower than I like but it is happening.

The Guy

There was a guy at Pianos who I’m about 80% was a PUA. He looked anxious, like he was having no fun, and he kept looking around, the way PUAs will do when they’re looking for a girl to open. He’s the perfect illustration of a common problem that I see in myself and others: sometimes it doesn’t seem like we’re actually having fun. Everyone else is at the club to relax, have some brews, be social, whatever. And then there’s us, sober, feeling like we have to achieve a result and get with a girl or else we’re shitty men. Some pressure to achieve is a good thing, but too much and it makes pickup an anxiety provoking experience. This is not good. I struggle with finding the balance of pushing myself versus actually enjoying the evening. It’s getting better with time but I still seemingly have eons to go before I’m as good as Distant Light, who seems to enjoy his nights out so much that he can’t help but be there. Most of the time I still feel like I’m forcing myself to stay out, and I really hope this changes with time.

 

[Davai]

One of the first girls of the night was French, tall, skinny and cute. I talked to her, my wingman talked to her friend. Pretty quick I noticed that this girl was interested and we started making out. We did this for a few minutes then I started leading. Took her with me to the bar to get a glass of water. Then I took her downstairs to the dance floor where we made out a bit more. Then I said,

“You know this place has a bathroom with an amazing view. Let’s go check it out.”

I led her to the bathroom, took her to one of the stalls, pushed her in and locked the door behind us. Nothing happened. We made out a bit, I tried putting my hands underneath her dress but she wasn’t having it. I thought about taking my dick out but she wasn’t having that either. After two minutes I felt like the vibe had turned uncomfortable. With almost zero reciprocation from her I felt like I was being way too sexually aggressive and forcing something on her that she really didn’t want. It was not a good feeling, I didn’t feel like we were both winning. So we got out of there, back upstairs. I suggested we leave the club and go to the cookie place but she wasn’t having it. She walked off a few minutes later.

In terms of how I handled this the only thing I would change is I would make out a bit less upstairs and keep some more sexual tension so that there was more of it in the bathroom. Overall though I think that what I did was very good, I pushed my comfort zone.

Spanish Girl

I’d lost my wingman and I opened a girl standing by herself and smoking a cigarette. She was surprisingly cute and decked out in a revealing black dress which gave me a boner. We talked for a while then I started to lead. First to a different area upstairs, then to get water, then I suggested that we leave the club and get a cookie. She said,

“And then we’ll come back here afterwards?”

I hesitated for a second then said “Yeah of course.”

But she instantly picked up that I didn’t really believe what I was saying. She could tell that if we left the club for a cookie we were not coming back and she said no. As I mentioned here though my prerogative is to stay with the girl for as long as possible. So I kept dancing with her, kept getting closer although she deflected all my attempts at a kiss. I led more and 10 minutes later pushed for the cookie again. Same thing, she was so close to saying yes, she even took a few steps with me, but then her logical side took over and she said no. That was it, she left for the bathroom and I never saw her again.

If I could do this set again I would change several things. I would build up more comfort and lead even more before I went for the pull. I would also back off with the physicality. I would give her one hug, close space one time, then after that just remain the cool guy. It seems likely that by trying to go for the kiss so much I made it clear that cookie = sex and her logical side said no. Whereas if I had been more casual there would have been more guessing and I wouldn’t have been seen as a sexual threat. So after the cookie and I say I'd like to grab a drink at her place there's more of a chance it will happen.

Birthday Girl

Four pickup guys at the club last night. I met one of them upstairs when my friend introduced us. He shook my hand then saw a girl walking past. Grabbed her and said,

“I’d like you to meet my friend Leon. It’s his birthday today!”

I took her hand, said “Hey, it’s my birthday but I don’t want to talk about it. Getting older is not cool, I feel shitty about it.”

She replied “How old are you, 30?”

I looked her dead in the eyes and with a serious face said “I told you I didn’t want to talk about it.”

She put her hands on my head, reached in and gave me a long kiss on the lips then walked away. I told my wingmen “That has never, ever happened before. There’s a first time for everything I guess.” It was a cool moment. Things like this reinforce the frame that girls love me.

Girls Love Me

In general last night I caught a lot of girls making eye contact and staring at me. I didn’t feel like I was on some new level of state or even all that amazing. I think girls were staring because of my above average body language. I’m really focusing on this and the more I do the more I realize how important it is. It’s the foundation upon which attraction is built. I was watching a few infield clips and the thing that struck me is how great the instructor’s posture is. Their chins don’t reach past their chest. If they need to get closer to a girl’s ear they’re doing it by bringing their whole body in, not pecking with their head. Brad Branson always said “As the guy you’re the oak tree and she’s the little squirrel running around it.” I think that’s a good analogy.

Other Sets

We opened who the hell knows how many other sets. I was at the club for three and a half hours and I spent a majority of that time hitting on girls. I can only think of one other lesson to talk about. End of the night and I’m waiting for the elevator. I notice a girl glance at me then start to primp her hair and strike a pose. She wants to get opened so I do it. What struck me is that I had that amazing tone of voice where’s it authentic expression, not me trying to sound cool. I think this happened because it was the end of the night and I wasn't trying, I was just being casual. I had this same thing happen on this night and I ended up taking that girl to a hotel bathroom and hooking up with her.

This tone of voice is hard to describe. It’s just me being normal and that sounds like it wouldn’t work so well but it’s incredible. As opposed to my voice when I do pickup, which isn’t really how I talk in real life. My pickup voice is a bit lower and I’m controlling the tonality, forcing it to be more breaking rapport. Man, all I can say is that if I could consistently reach the point where I have a natural tone of voice / mindset with girls then getting laid would be effortless. I think these brief experiences are awesome though because they give me a clear idea of what to aim for and what the next level will be like.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

You do seem to pull a lot of French girls, surprising to me since I have heard from all of my American friends who have been there that they are not into Americans or Anglos in general unless it is British guys.

Nice work tho!

 

[Davai]

You do seem to pull a lot of French girls, surprising to me since I have heard from all of my American friends who have been there that they are not into Americans or Anglos in general unless it is British guys.

Nice work tho!

Thanks man. I think the main reason is that I go to this club with a French name so all these Frenchies show up to it. And my experience in general with French girls is that they're very down and love sex. The first sexual thing I ever did in a bathroom was get a blowjob from a French girl in a hostel bathroom in Krakow.

I met up with my wingman around 11:30 and the first set we opened was the last set we opened. He hooked with his girl and I was a good wing by chilling with the short Asian friend. After 10 minutes things got ridiculous with her and she couldn't take it so she stepped away. Then I noticed a tall blonde talking to my wingman's girl. So I go in and I know within 5 minutes that as long as a logistical problem doesn't come up or I don't do anything stupid, it's in the bag.

For the next two hours we bounce around to all sorts of bars in LES. I had started making out with my girl at some point and it was good. Around 2, after the third bar rejected us because my wingman's girl had an expired ID, we decided to call it a night. I got an Uber for me, my girl and another girl who was staying with my girl.

We get to my girl's house which is in bumfuck Manhattan and everyone gets comfortable. I'm wondering how this is going to work because I've noticed that the friend likes me as well which might make things difficult. But it sorts itself out in the kitchen when we all have a drink. I kiss my girl and the friend starts running her hand on my stomach. I put my arm around her and slowly bring her in, all the while talking to my girl. This whole escalation process is very slow and goes on for what feels like ten minutes. Apart from this crazy night in London I've basically never done this and I'm freestyling. I don't want to lose my girl by going after the friend, but as things progress I can tell she feels comfortable. So I kiss the friend, then my girl, and I try to bring them in for a threeway makeout but they don't kiss each other.

"It's so hot in here" I say.

"I know" says my girl. "Should we go to the living room or bedroom?"

That's an easy answer and we all end up in the bedroom. It progresses from there. I take my shirt off, take their shirts off and start sucking on their boobs. Then I finger them both at the same time. However, even though the friend gives me a blowjob I can't get hard. The friend isn't really that cute which doesn't help, I jerked off earlier which means I'm not at maximum horny and I'm sort of nervous. So after a while it basically goes to shit, I start ignoring the friend and just focus on my girl. I know that I'll have no problem getting hard for her without the friend there. Without attention the friend leaves, I finger my girl and make her come three times and then we hook up. We hooked up again this morning, I told her I wanted to see her again and then I left. Walking out into the living room the friend was passed out on the couch with a tank-top and no pants. Her pussy staring us in the face like this scene from Bob's Burgers haha.

I say to my girl "Do things like this always happen in your house?"

Notes

*Focus on the action, not the result. Obviously the night turned out really cool and I had a blast. But I want to mention something equally awesome. In the time between getting off the subway and meeting my wingman at the bar, I opened three girls on the street. I never do this and so I'm super fucking proud of myself. I feel just as good about having pushed past some comfort zones and done some cool new shit as I do about the sex. If you go out and care too much about the result you will get punished over, and over and fucking over. And it fucking sucks but it teaches you to focus on what you can control, like approaching a lot and running your best game.

*I have almost zero regrets that the threesome didn't happen. Mostly it would have been cool for my ego and to tell some wings about it. However, in terms of how it would have actually changed my life, there's virtually no effect. Also, I learned a lesson. In the future I would be bolder and push harder to get the girls to make out with each other. They sucked on each others boobs but that's it. When I do have my first threesome I want everyone to be really into it.

*I'm exhausted. I got 4 hours of sleep on Friday night and a hazy hour at most last night. But it's great, what a weekend! No-go bathroom pull on Friday, no-go threesome but great twosome on Saturday, who else but guys in game get to experience awesome shit like this!

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I've had a couple of good experiences with French girls too and could have almost fucked one but was too much of a pussy for it, she was into me for sure. Not sure how true it is but from what my Asian and Hispanic friends tell me, French girls are probably the most DTF with "exotic" looking dudes than all of the Euro women out there, heard even Arabs and Indians can do well with the hot ones so I am on board!

Anyways I am updating my journal because I went out last night too!

Go strong Davai, maybe one day when I am in NYC we can meet up if you're still on these boards.

 

[Davai]

I've had a couple of good experiences with French girls too and could have almost fucked one but was too much of a pussy for it, she was into me for sure. Not sure how true it is but from what my Asian and Hispanic friends tell me, French girls are probably the most DTF with "exotic" looking dudes than all of the Euro women out there, heard even Arabs and Indians can do well with the hot ones so I am on board!

Anyways I am updating my journal because I went out last night too!

Go strong Davai, maybe one day when I am in NYC we can meet up if you're still on these boards.

Man I really don't know how much the country matters, unless she's like Saudi and she'd be burned at a stake for having a ONS or something. Girls are girls and they like sex with cool guys.

Yeah hit up. I'll probably be on here but if not bookmark my blog and send me a message through there.

 

[Davai]

Some laidback electro for your listening pleasure. Tonight I approached a lot and enjoyed myself. Also had a bunch of wingmen show up which was fun. I used to dread the Tuesday spot and now I look forward to it. In terms of sets not much was sticking. Girls would open but then drift away. Whatever "it" is, I lacked it. I feel like the less than ideal reactions in the first half the night got to me and caused me to go weak during the second half the night. I was consciously aware of this and did my best to shake everything off and put on my game face, but I didn't really fully succeed.

One set worth mentioning, cute girl who liked my shenanigans. Responded well to my physicality. We were supposed to play beer pong against her and her friend but that didn't work out. I saw her later, reopened but she was sitting at the bar and it was awkward talking to her. That eventually died. What I should have done is tried to move her to a better place to talk. Always be leading, I should have this tattooed on my wrist.

After an hour and a while we decide to leave. I can confidently say that we burned that place to the ground and 80% or more of the girls got opened. Then we went on the street and started walking towards home. My wingman is about to go his direction when I say,

"Come on, last set. Let's talk to them."

We walk up to a couple of girls smoking outside and introduce ourselves. Conversation gets going and I find out my girl is from Rockland county. I tell her I know one person from there and he turned out to be an opiate addict. I ask her if she does pills and make a joke about the imaginary tract marks on her arm. My girl just laughs but her friend does not like this. She gets closer, starts waving a cigarette in my face and saying that I need to walk away.

"No thanks, I think I'll stay." I calmly reply.

"Oh, that's great." She says. "My best friend is in the NYPD and he'll love to hear about this. Where's my cellphone?" She starts searching her bag for it.

This is a moment to conquer fear and be thankful we live in America. I don't react, I don't move, I stay calm. I turn to my wingman and start talking. We chat for two minutes, say goodbye, and then I walk away. Meanwhile the whole time the girl was standing two feet away from me being irrational. I guess the funniest part of this is that her friend started chatting with me right before I left. She probably realizes Mrs. NYPD is a drama queen and that I'm a cool guy who may have been a touch out of line but is fine. My only regret is that I wasn't able to hold my frame even better. I'd love to be at the point where I could easily laugh this off and then flip the set over to my side. That would be some real gangster stuff.

Go to the train and open a tall cute girl on the platform. She's from Germany, really nice. We sit next to each other on the train and chat for 15 minutes. I ask her when she's free, grab her number and tell her we'll meet up this weekend. When I text her after she's gotten off the train she enthusiastically hits me right back, always a good sign.

Notes

*By my standards tonight was sub-par, but the awesome thing is that a sub-par night now is equal to a great night about 6 or 8 months ago. I can see consistent progress in my game and it's very encouraging.

*No matter what else is happening, I can consciously control my posture and eye contact. Even if everything else is going wrong I can always make sure that these things are on point.

*I've said that I need to tone down the polarity and talking about track marks definitely qualifies for that. But then again, my girl was totally cool with it, the friend is the one who flipped. I wonder, if I was talking to the crazy friend, would my intuition have stopped me from saying something like that? Who knows.

*Some real gangster shit would have been getting off the train with that girl and saying I'd walk her home. Then getting there and getting myself invited up. And so on.. That would be some next level glory type stuff and I know it's possible. The future is bright.

 

[Davai]

I wish that tonight had gone better and I think the best way to do this is look at what I could have improved. In general, if I’m learning nothing else it’s that you must generate your own good emotions. There is simply no other way. If you’re looking at the girl for good reactions / validation you will get it sometimes and you’ll even get laid. However, you won’t reach a high level in game, of this I’m sure.

German Girl

I mentioned the German girl who I met on the subway last night. Man I texted her today and she responded in 30 seconds, it was great. Then, in the space of 6 texts, I managed to completely fuck it up to the point she didn’t even respond. I accept full responsibility for this. My text game is lacking, to put it mildly. My deal is meeting women and taking them home that night, no texting involved. However, at some point I am going to have to figure this out. I’ll attach the text-convo here on my blog as an example of anti-game.

Belgium Girl

At the club I see my wingman talking to two girls. I go sit next to one, she’s cute. I’m relaxed and I feel good but it slowly peters out. I have no idea why. Maybe she could sense that I wanted to go for the makeout but I was nervous? Not acting through my own intentions. If I could redo this I would go for the makeout. I want to lose sets because I took a risk, not because they peter out.

Asian Girl

We opened some Asian girls and mine seemed to like me. However, they bounced after 5 minutes. Should have tried to move them to a new area.

Tall Blonde Girl

Really cute, I was digging her. But the conversation didn’t seem to go anyplace. I’ll probably have to accept responsibility for this because I didn’t know where I wanted the conversation to go.

Other Tall Blonde Girl

Talking, talking and I was getting close to the makeout but she kept moving her head. I did the right thing and started leading her towards the dance floor. She was going to come with but the friend grabbed her and pulled her away. Otherwise I think I could have made out with her. If I could do it again, after the friend blocked, I would move her just a few feet away and then just go all the way for the makeout, forget the friend.

In General

I feel that I need to be leading more. I don’t think I can possibly stress the importance of this enough. Lead the conversation, lead physically, lead in the direction that I want which is ultimately the pull. I’d like to really hammer this home and more importantly, I’d like to make it a habit to lead even in situations where I don’t think she’ll follow.

Learning game is a mindfuck for me because I’ll have a crazy experience like Saturday night, and then I expect to keep performing on that level. I go out and feel like my mindset is in the right place, my posture and eye contact are good, my approaches are solid. But something is different and things don’t click. It’s frustrating because I feel like a dog chasing a toy on a string. He catches it for a second then it gets yanked away again. At this point though there’s simply no way I’m quitting. I’ve got my teeth sunk into this thing and it’s either get good at game or die. That sounds drastic but it’s the truth. I’ve come way too far to not keep going.

 

[Davai]

At the third bar of the night I met a girl who I vibed with. Went for the makeout three times but she kept brushing me off. When it finally happened it was good, then she pulled me to a bar across the street. She told me that she just got out of an 8 month relationship with a girl and she doesn’t like many guys. We talked and after I finished my drink we left the bar, walked some on the street, made out some more and I opted for the pull but it wasn't happening. However, we agreed to meet for dinner the next day. If I had logistics I think there’s an 80% chance this would have been a pull. Unfortunately, we live on opposite sides of New York and we both had to work in the morning. I’ll meet her tonight though and it’s a very good chance I’ll pull. Also, that German girl ended up texting me back so maybe there’s some chance something happens there (like ~20% I give it). Mostly I’d like to talk about some thoughts from last night.

Notes

*Someone better at pickup than me said that your job is to drop the emotional baggage of all your previous approaches and go into each set fresh. I really felt this last night. I was getting some crummy reactions that were shaking me up. I kept reminding myself to let it go, just do my thing. Don’t let the rejections get to me.

*Good game is having freedom from outcome. When this mindset manifests I fucking kill it. However, it can be difficult to approach twenty women and put yourself on the line without developing a desire for a certain outcome. I’m getting better at this though. It’s something that slowly develops, I don’t think it’s typical to go from zero to a hundred in a day.

*Last night there were two or three times when I wanted to throw in the towel and leave. A couple of annoying sets in a row, lack of energy, whatever. But I didn’t let it get to me, I ignored the crap and kept approaching. This was 100% the right thing to do and I was rewarded for it. Consistently approaching is always important but it’s fucking crucial if I’m on the brink of giving up.

*One way to be smoother is talk to a girl about her apartment. Find out what’s special about it, or, when I have good logistics again, talk about something special in my apartment. Do this early on and then move the conversation elsewhere. Later on when you’re going for the pull you can reference that thing as an excuse to go back to yours or hers. This really isn’t necessary, if she likes you she’ll go back no matter what excuse. However, I think it’s a more elegant way to do things which might be the difference between pulling and not pulling every once in a while.

*I don’t know how much this matters but with the girl last night I feel like I was giving off the frame of potential relationship. I was making jokes about things we would do together in the future and talking about how many kids we’ll have and all that. Of course it’s all bar jokes, she’s not stupid. However, I don’t really want to give off that vibe if what I’m really interested in is casual hooking up or a ONS.

*At one point, after we went to the second bar together, girl said to me:

"You're cool, but kind of predictable."

This hit me deep, instantly I felt embarrassed and out of it for about a minute. This was a very insightful comment. I was being kind of predictable, I was filtering my words, I wasn't totally free in what I was saying and she could feel it. Fascinating how women are able to do this. The lesson here is to open up more and fully express my thinking, even if I think it might lose me the girl. This is different than doing some polarizing crazy crap, it's about honest expression and not being afraid to put yourself out there.

*I'm not currently working out but this might have to change. I think that I'll be pulling once a week, maybe more, by August and that means lots of sex. I'll enjoy this more if I'm fit. Get in shape for sex, that's as good a motivation as any.

 

[Davai]

I had a solid feeling about the girl from Friday night and it ended up working out. I met her after work and we went to a few different bars in LES. Then we took the train way up to her place in Washington Heights. I was all for jumping into bed but she thought it would be better if we showered together. So we did that and it was fun. Then we jumped into bed and used some condoms. I got almost no sleep, we hooked up again this morning and then I left. Fantastic experience, it was the best ONS sex I've had since I started game and she gave me a blowjob that blew my mind. Some thoughts on what happened.

Notes

*After growing up with my sister for 18 years I developed this basic theory that 100% of the time whatever a girl says she means the opposite. This is a joke in some ways, but if you actually lived your entire life by this maxim you would probably be right more often than you are wrong. Anyways, when you're in that zone with a girl where sex is looking close, she'll often say things like,

"We're not hooking up tonight" or "I won't bring you home" or if she really wants to test you she'll say something like "You think you're cool but it's just funny because you're not getting laid tonight."

Again, refer to the rule I mentioned above. She means the opposite, she's just giving you some bullshit. The proper thing is to ignore or make a joke out of it. If she gets into your head with it then you lose and she really won't sleep with you. If you logically try to debate her then you lose and she really won't sleep with you. My girl gave me two or three of these nags and I shrugged them off, joked about it, and then we went home and hooked up.

*First time in my life I've slept with two different women on two back-to-back weekends. Both were Jewish, both I met in LES, both live in Washington Heights only 10 blocks from each other. What are the odds..

*If you're going out and you don't have condoms on you you're doing something wrong. You're basically telling yourself: I'm not going to get laid, there's no chance. Why don't you just stay in and jerk off if that's how you feel about it? Game works but it does require some self-belief.

 

[Davai]

Sometimes I feel disappointed that so much of what mainstream society teaches us about sexual attraction and relationships is bullshit. Parents, teachers, movies, music, TV, and so forth. By going out and practicing pickup you discover that most of the principles you've accepted as truth are actually crap.

For instance, the idea that the poor girls will sleep with a chap and then the guy will never call back and the girl is all sad and feels that this cruel, male driven society is so unfair. Yeah, bullshit. The last two girls I've slept with, I hit up both of them to hang out again. One gave a vague, bullshitty excuse, the other didn't even reply. Poor girls my ass, they're the ones who don't hit the guy back! I'd like to see someone talk about that in mainstream society. I know it's not just me either, I was watching a video of a pickup instructor who said that he got ridiculously good at one night stands, he was having them all the time but for a period of 6 months he didn't see a single girl twice! How nuts is that. He went on to say that reaching the next level of game changed that and girls started to hit him back. So there's hope, but from where I'm at right now it kind of sucks that I'll sleep with a girl and not be able to see her again. The sex with the last girl was really good too, I thought for sure she'd want more..?

Anyways, last night I went to the Tuesday bar. There were a million-trillion things I wanted to do besides go out. And once I got there a billion-million things I wanted to do besides approach. I felt totally and completely uninterested in being social or picking up a girl. The first set was the hardest, I managed to stammer out some words and I sounded like a 37 year old virgin with a gun to his head. Whatever, the next one went better. Then my wingman showed up and we opened a few. The only set of the night worth mentioning happened next.

Three girls sitting down, I went to the one on the far side of the table and immediately realized that holy shit, she's really cute! We talked and I found out she went to a university ten minutes from my shitty home town. Instant bond there. She had massive eyes and was leaning into me, brushing her awesome boobs against me. The good part of the interaction is that I didn't get stuck in my head and run out of things to say, even though I found her very attractive. The bad part is that I didn't take correct action. This girl was really into me and what I needed to do was get her away from the friends and go for the makeout. All of her body language indicated she was very interested in me and I'm confident I could have pulled it off. Unfortunately I didn't try to lead and everything fizzled because of it. So I was halfway there. My brain let me be awesome, I didn't get stuck in my head, but I also didn't have the balls to do what I needed to do. Next time.

Right now I feel somewhat down on pickup, realizing that I'm not seeing girls again and everything is a ONS whether I like it or not. It means that at some point I'm going to sleep with a girl I really fucking like and then I won't see her again. That kind of sucks. It is what it is though, learning pickup means sorting through so much emotional baggage. Keep going man, there's not much else to say.

 

[Davai]

Last night was excellent in the sense that I was getting my ass handed to me but I kept approaching. Still, it was uber-fucking-frustrating. I've been crushing it lately and so to go back down feels especially sour. What the fuck went wrong though? I spent an hour on the train last night trying to figure it out.

Honest Communication

Sometimes for an entire night, sometimes for 45 seconds, I slip into a glorious frame that feels natural and awesome. I guess it's like state but it's not me being amped up or going approach crazy. I'm just walking up to girls with no motive and starting a conversation. I can literally hear a difference in the way my voice sounds it's weird. There's a big difference between this state and my normal one when I try to influence the conversation in a way that leads it towards sex. Distant Light described it as trying to bias the interaction towards sex, as opposed to letting things unfold naturally.

I can't achieve this awesome mindset on command though, it seems to come and go on its own. It's also a paradox because I am going out and approaching women in order to have sex. My intent is to pull her home and in order for that to happen I have to take action, lead and get it done. But if I focus on the end goal too much then I get lackluster reactions. At the moment the only solution I have is to keep going out and consciously focus on cultivating the desired mindset.

My Only Goal is to Stay in Set

There was one set last night that had potential. She was older, maybe 30. Blonde hair, skinny, decent looking. I would definitely sleep with her and right from the beginning she was receptive. However, I fucking blew it in two god damn minutes by being way too polarizing. This is a consistent trend for me, so why the fuck do I blow up sets by being too insane?

1. Micro-rewards. When I say crazy shit I'll get a laugh or a seductive look enough of the time that it tricks my fucking brain into thinking that I'm doing good. However, those quick acts of approval totally mask the fact that I don't sleep with the girls I act most insane with. Basically I've realized this in the last two weeks and it's big.
2. The pickup community. There's a good deal of infield showing guys saying the most outrageous shit to girls and acting nuts. This behavior is sometimes/often glorified and preached as gospel. This may work (you see them do this, do you actually see them go on to pull that girl?), but it is not working for me where I'm at right now.

It's not that I have to be a lame fuck who never says anything controversial, but I have to tone it down by about 80%. For instance, with the woman above I packed 30 minutes of polarizing material into 2 minutes. It's like that super concentrated syrup they use to make slushies. If you just sip the syrup it probably tastes horrible, it's way, way too fucking sweet. But dilute it with a bunch of slush and it tastes great.

The Night as a Whole

I got emotionally raped last night. It's the most beaten down I've felt from pickup in a month or two. Still, I'm proud of it. By 10 sets deep I knew the night was going to shit but I just kept hammering away at it. Finally, last set of the night, I found a girl who was nice to me and called me her new friend. It felt really damn good and I'm still focusing on it. Fuck logic man, girls love me. I've already forgotten the 23 girls who were uninterested but I remember well the 3 who thought I was nifty.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

So how do you manage to go out that many nights a week while living in NYC?

Here I am working a cut throat finance job and can do 2 nights at best and 1 most of the times, between that, trying to stay fit, social life, and game; I really don't have much time.

 

[Davai]

So how do you manage to go out that many nights a week while living in NYC?

Here I am working a cut throat finance job and can do 2 nights at best and 1 most of the times, between that, trying to stay fit, social life, and game; I really don't have much time.

Couple of things. I have a throat lozenge job where I work about 20 hours a week and can sleep in late most days. I don't have a social life outside of game and my idea of fitness is walking from my job in Union Square to Meatpacking to go out.

So yeah, combine that and I can go out quite a bit.

 

[Davai]

Today I did some daygame with one of my wingman. We wondered all over Union Square and opened a bunch of sets. I'm going to give myself massive props because I opened a lot and most of the sets went well. It was probably the most enjoyable session of daygame I've ever done, besides Ukraine at any rate.

Girl from my Hometown

I opened her and I immediately read the vibe that she was caught off guard and thought I was some kind of weirdo. I calibrated to that, explained myself and we went on to have a solid conversation. The whole thing felt natural and awesome. At the end I asked if she wanted to continue the conversation later, got her number and she left.

Uber Cute Girl

Tall, skinny, tan, confident, great face. All around cool girl and I was just able to hold my shit together with her. She had to leave after five minutes, asked her if she wanted to meet up later and she said yes. Took her number, texted her a few minutes later, someone replied saying I had the wrong number. That was disappointing.

First Girl of the Day

A ten minute conversation and I think by the end I had won her over. She falls into that sweet spot where she's cute enough to sleep with but not cute enough that I can't fully express myself and be awesome. I got her Facebook and I'm going to do my damnedest to get her out on a date with me.

Older Lady

From a distance I thought she was like 25 but when I got up close I could see she was closer to 40. I stayed with her for a while anyways and by the end I was completely fucking owning it and I think there's a decent chance I could have taken her home right then. But she just wasn't cute enough. I'm not very picky but I do have a line I'm not willing to cross. Of course it's easy to say that I could have taken her home and it's an entirely different thing to actually do it. But it was one of those sets that just come together so well that you know from experience, more often than not something will happen.

Pickup Guy

Saw a random guy do an approach so I hit him up afterwards and we talked about game. Traded numbers, maybe we'll meetup sometime. It's cool to see other guys out there.

Overall Thoughts

I've never gotten laid from daygame so I don't have a great idea about how to make it work right. The good news is that my daygame approaches have gotten much, much better. I have no doubt that if I did nothing but daygame for a month I would learn a bunch, get laid once or twice and it would be cool. But am I willing to give up night game for that? Not yet, maybe someday.

 

[Davai]

Hadn't been out in a week before last night. All things considered it went well. Me and my wingman hit up a couple of different spots around Manhattan. I did OK but he was fucking crushing it. Girls loved him and he did some very ballsy thing. Example, picking up a very cute girl who was making out with a guy and trying to carry her away. Later on, sucking on a Russian girl's tits outside of the bathroom of Brass Monkey. So a fun night, let's look at the lessons to be had.

First Girl of the Night

Arguably the largest conundrum I'm solving is when to go physical and be aggressive, and when to lay back and be more indirect. I've gotten blown out dozens (hundreds?) of times by doing both and I'm definitely getting better at identifying the correct response, but I'm still not there yet. So I met a girl and it was going very well. She was cute, her friends were leaving us alone, we were separated from the group. I could tell she liked me and would probably leave with me. However, I never pulled the trigger. I didn't try to lead her out of the bar and I didn't go for the makeout. I lost the set.

What were the signs though? How can I correctly identify this situation in the future? A bunch of things. The friends didn't interfere, they even encouraged us being together. This typically means the friends want the girl to get laid and they won't judge her for making out in front of them. The girl was getting close to me and wasn't leaning away as I moved in closer, good sign she was ready to make out. We separated ourselves from the group and she didn't attempt to go back to the friends, she was ready to follow me. I'm certain this could have been a pull if I had handled it better. Next time I will go for the makeout and the pull.

Girl Who Thought I Was Cute

At the final bar of the night I met a girl who was quickly into me. She told me that I was cute and started touching me. However, her and her friend were about to go to the bathroom or some shit, I don't even know. I told her to stay with me and she almost, almost did but ended up going with the friends instead. If I could redo this I would ask where they were going in the club and then walk with them there.

Other Lessons

Honestly those are really the only two sets that stood out. I opened another dozen girls or so but they hardly even register at this point. I think that the only thing to do is give myself props. I didn't pull, I didn't makeout with any girls, but I also can't control that. All I can control is my approaching and persistence. I did very good with both of those.

In other news, this month I've got a place with good logistics but next month I'm moving to motherfucking Meatpacking. If I don't pull at least once a week once I'm there I'll be severely disappointed.