- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Whatever I'm doing right now it's working. Last night was the third session in a row where I had a viable opportunity to pull. Last Wednesday I pulled the Swedish chick to the bathroom but we didn't fuck. Last Friday it's likely I would have pulled the super cute mother if we could have just found a guy to keep the daughter busy. Last night I had a decent chance to pull the first girl I opened. The conversation was awesome but she wasn't that cute. This created some indecision in me. I'm thinking, I've slept with a dozen girls cuter than her, I'm really not that interested. On the other hand, the reference experience, and the practice. I should be going for it.
At the end I decided to go for it but I weak-sauced it. I didn't know the logistics, didn't know that she wanted to keep partying and I didn't want to spend another 2 hours with her. So we kissed goodbye and that was that. The lesson is one in mental discipline. I need to decide early on whether I'm going to pull or not, then act accordingly. If I'm not going to pull, fine. But leave the set and look for another girl. If I am going to pull, fine. But give it 100% attention, figure out the logistics and lead like a boss.
Also, a minor note. The set with her lasted about 30 minutes and the whole time we were sitting across from each other at a small table. I knew she wanted to makeout but I was pondering how to make it happen. Leaning across the table would have been weird and I probably would have spilled her beer. Standing up and walking over would have been maybe OK but just not as smooth as I'd like. The solution was simple though! Stand up, grab her hand and get her up by saying let me see how tall you are! She stands up, I spin her, eye contact, makeout. Easy, I've done it a dozen times I just didn't connect the dots last night.
Keep Going
Girl leaves, it's 12:06, I have a choice. Keep going or go home. I think about my long term goals, about the models I'm going to date and the amazing women waiting for me. OK, I take the 15 minute walk to the bar my buddy is promoting at. Inside I quickly open the cutest girl there. I'm surprised by how well it goes. She's interested, asking questions, getting close. In retrospect I needed to go for the kiss. I didn't do it because I was caught off guard, my thinking, damn, this girl is super fucking cute and super into me! What's going on here? I don't know what exactly it is but I have to adjust and accept it. I'm getting more opportunities with more attractive women and I've got to be pulling the trigger.
After just five minutes of talking girl is leaving so I walk her and her friend outside. We chat for a few minutes then she takes a taxi home. Apart from not kissing her, my other mistake was giving her friend too much attention. I have a tendency to reduce the sexual tension with my girl by giving more attention to the friend. It's not smart, it doesn't help the pull, it's weak-sauce. Should have maintained better eye contact, gotten closer, pushed harder for a kiss with sexy girl.
Go back downstairs, open two girls who bump into me. Immediately one is all over me. She's flirting, laughing at my jokes and touching me. She gets so close that our lips are almost touching. Even though she's attractive, I don't kiss her for some existential reasons. She's dancing with her girlfriend, as in girl she's dating. In 4 seconds I suss out this situation. The girl who is into me is bi but she's not really gay in any serious way. She'll have this fling, move on and it will be a warm memory that she never tells her husband about. Her girlfriend is definitely gay, this is her lifestyle. Just by looking at her I immediately guess that men have caused her serious pain, she loves this girl and is acutely aware that she won't be able to hold onto her forever. I could relate. It reminded me of college, when I would bring a girl around my natural buddy. 30 seconds later my girl can't take her eyes off him and I'm just hoping I'll be able to get her back at some point. All these things are running through my head, I decide to not kiss the girl, I stop speaking to her and they drift back into the fray.
I know that was a strange tangent but it's an interesting topic for me. A large part of game is being able to put yourself into a girl's head. Doing this tells you when to go for the makeout, go for the pull, back off, push harder, ask for the number, leave, don't leave, whatever. I've developed this ability in the last year and it's what allowed me to empathize with the girl above and decide to act accordingly. Game man, it's a mind trip.
No more sets at the bar, I leave. Open at a cute girl on the subway platform, we talk for twenty minutes. By the end I just want her to leave. It's interesting that logically we have an absurdly high number of things in common and should click, but emotionally it's not happening. I question whether it comes down to me being in my head and reacting to her hot body, or if there's just never going to be an emotional connection between us. Who knows, who cares, she gets off the train and 17 seconds later I've got some Jocko podcast going.
Game
There's this cliche about sweeping girls off their feet and that being the ideal. Well, in a way it's true. The good interactions are the ones where I go into that set and bring good energy. I don't depend on her for good emotions. It's like I'm surfing a wave and it carries me into the set. This can be very subtle and it can even be happening while I'm just standing there, not talking, seemingly not doing anything. I'm just bring my vibe, my energy and those are the times that things go the best.
In general, I depend on finding girls who like to talk. My game is getting her to open up and share her life with me. I want her investing in me and sharing things with me that she would normally never tell someone she just met. This isn't manipulation, it's just me optimizing my own circumstances. Sure, I can talk for 20 minutes straight about a pebble if I have to, but that's not ideal. For me, a good interaction will be the girl talking 70% and me talking 30%. Obviously this works both ways too, she likes to talk more, I like to talk less, we click!
Anyways, I'm just working through some ideas. I never imagined that game would be so nuanced. Now that I'm wading into the deep end I'm continually surprised by what I'm finding.
At the end I decided to go for it but I weak-sauced it. I didn't know the logistics, didn't know that she wanted to keep partying and I didn't want to spend another 2 hours with her. So we kissed goodbye and that was that. The lesson is one in mental discipline. I need to decide early on whether I'm going to pull or not, then act accordingly. If I'm not going to pull, fine. But leave the set and look for another girl. If I am going to pull, fine. But give it 100% attention, figure out the logistics and lead like a boss.
Also, a minor note. The set with her lasted about 30 minutes and the whole time we were sitting across from each other at a small table. I knew she wanted to makeout but I was pondering how to make it happen. Leaning across the table would have been weird and I probably would have spilled her beer. Standing up and walking over would have been maybe OK but just not as smooth as I'd like. The solution was simple though! Stand up, grab her hand and get her up by saying let me see how tall you are! She stands up, I spin her, eye contact, makeout. Easy, I've done it a dozen times I just didn't connect the dots last night.
Keep Going
Girl leaves, it's 12:06, I have a choice. Keep going or go home. I think about my long term goals, about the models I'm going to date and the amazing women waiting for me. OK, I take the 15 minute walk to the bar my buddy is promoting at. Inside I quickly open the cutest girl there. I'm surprised by how well it goes. She's interested, asking questions, getting close. In retrospect I needed to go for the kiss. I didn't do it because I was caught off guard, my thinking, damn, this girl is super fucking cute and super into me! What's going on here? I don't know what exactly it is but I have to adjust and accept it. I'm getting more opportunities with more attractive women and I've got to be pulling the trigger.
After just five minutes of talking girl is leaving so I walk her and her friend outside. We chat for a few minutes then she takes a taxi home. Apart from not kissing her, my other mistake was giving her friend too much attention. I have a tendency to reduce the sexual tension with my girl by giving more attention to the friend. It's not smart, it doesn't help the pull, it's weak-sauce. Should have maintained better eye contact, gotten closer, pushed harder for a kiss with sexy girl.
Go back downstairs, open two girls who bump into me. Immediately one is all over me. She's flirting, laughing at my jokes and touching me. She gets so close that our lips are almost touching. Even though she's attractive, I don't kiss her for some existential reasons. She's dancing with her girlfriend, as in girl she's dating. In 4 seconds I suss out this situation. The girl who is into me is bi but she's not really gay in any serious way. She'll have this fling, move on and it will be a warm memory that she never tells her husband about. Her girlfriend is definitely gay, this is her lifestyle. Just by looking at her I immediately guess that men have caused her serious pain, she loves this girl and is acutely aware that she won't be able to hold onto her forever. I could relate. It reminded me of college, when I would bring a girl around my natural buddy. 30 seconds later my girl can't take her eyes off him and I'm just hoping I'll be able to get her back at some point. All these things are running through my head, I decide to not kiss the girl, I stop speaking to her and they drift back into the fray.
I know that was a strange tangent but it's an interesting topic for me. A large part of game is being able to put yourself into a girl's head. Doing this tells you when to go for the makeout, go for the pull, back off, push harder, ask for the number, leave, don't leave, whatever. I've developed this ability in the last year and it's what allowed me to empathize with the girl above and decide to act accordingly. Game man, it's a mind trip.
No more sets at the bar, I leave. Open at a cute girl on the subway platform, we talk for twenty minutes. By the end I just want her to leave. It's interesting that logically we have an absurdly high number of things in common and should click, but emotionally it's not happening. I question whether it comes down to me being in my head and reacting to her hot body, or if there's just never going to be an emotional connection between us. Who knows, who cares, she gets off the train and 17 seconds later I've got some Jocko podcast going.
Game
There's this cliche about sweeping girls off their feet and that being the ideal. Well, in a way it's true. The good interactions are the ones where I go into that set and bring good energy. I don't depend on her for good emotions. It's like I'm surfing a wave and it carries me into the set. This can be very subtle and it can even be happening while I'm just standing there, not talking, seemingly not doing anything. I'm just bring my vibe, my energy and those are the times that things go the best.
In general, I depend on finding girls who like to talk. My game is getting her to open up and share her life with me. I want her investing in me and sharing things with me that she would normally never tell someone she just met. This isn't manipulation, it's just me optimizing my own circumstances. Sure, I can talk for 20 minutes straight about a pebble if I have to, but that's not ideal. For me, a good interaction will be the girl talking 70% and me talking 30%. Obviously this works both ways too, she likes to talk more, I like to talk less, we click!
Anyways, I'm just working through some ideas. I never imagined that game would be so nuanced. Now that I'm wading into the deep end I'm continually surprised by what I'm finding.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Amazing dub-electro-sexytime field report reading music. In some sense, last night was the best I've ever done. I felt a freedom in expression that I've never experienced before. I handled difficult situations well and every set hooked. It was really a hell of a thing and relates to this concept: good, great and world class. To reach world class takes massive commitment and practice. In my lifetime I'm aiming for it in just two areas, pickup and writing. I aim to be great at BJJ (which I haven't started yet) and German. I'll probably be good at lots of things, those are not as important. The world class aspect is what matters. Nobody cares about the guy who is average, he might as well sell hotdogs in Chinatown.
In the last several weeks I've been consistently good at generating attraction and holding a solid conversation. However.... My game lacks structure. I'll have gold conversations but because I don't check for logistics, seed the pull or set up a date, nothing ends up happening. My outergame, the nuts and bolts, is now my weakest link. I have consistent opportunities with women but fail to make shit happen. I must seek out information on how to fix this.
This is especially important given that I would have liked to have pulled last night. Every girl I talked to for more than six and a half minutes I would have slept with. I was never put into a situation, like last night, where I couldn't make up my mind. One girl was especially attractive and I just barely, barely kept my shit together. I was able to stay out of my head and keep it all going nicely. This shows progress, traditionally a girl this cute would have cut me down.
Another set stands out, first of the night, Biergarten. Two women are sitting down, I open and I'm not expecting it to last. Based on how it opens, the physical location of the girls, it being the first set, me finding her attractive, I expect everything to blow up. But it doesn't, we talk for nearly half an hour. I go for the kiss multiple times, I take her number, it was solid. And this in itself shows massive progress. Even just a month or two ago, this set would have crumbled. I can't take all the credit though, I have to give a shout-out to my awesome wingmen. He's capable with women and that made the difference. If his girl lost interest she would have taken mine away.
Goodnumber Hunting
I picked up three numbers last night. The first came from the first set of the night that I just mentioned. After those girls left we went back and started flirting with their remaining friends. This went well and I suggested that I see my girl home. She was not having this so I took her number. I didn't even have time to save it before I was in set with the really beautiful girl. When she left I got her number, erasing the other girl's number in the process. My wingman chided me for this and he's right to do so. But the reality is that I'll never see any of them again. A set has to be so fucking solid for a number to not flake. Cold approach is difficult! Take the first set of the night, it was grade A. If that lady was my coworker or in my college dorm, she'd be begging me for my number. But that's not the case, it's cold approach and this changes the dynamic. Even though I got her number and texted her, no reply.
It's all good though. Last night there were so many situations that went amazing, that normally wouldn't have, that it's impossible to ignore the growth.
Changes
Logistics are stacked against you on a Wednesday night. Every girl I talked to had to work in the morning. So that's a big buzzkill. However, in general I have to consciously make that effort to think ahead and a plan. What are the logistics, is she ready to be pulled, what about the friend? And so forth. I'm getting caught up in the moment, which is good because I'm not stuck in my head, but without a plan I just end up losing them. I must correct this.
In the last several weeks I've been consistently good at generating attraction and holding a solid conversation. However.... My game lacks structure. I'll have gold conversations but because I don't check for logistics, seed the pull or set up a date, nothing ends up happening. My outergame, the nuts and bolts, is now my weakest link. I have consistent opportunities with women but fail to make shit happen. I must seek out information on how to fix this.
This is especially important given that I would have liked to have pulled last night. Every girl I talked to for more than six and a half minutes I would have slept with. I was never put into a situation, like last night, where I couldn't make up my mind. One girl was especially attractive and I just barely, barely kept my shit together. I was able to stay out of my head and keep it all going nicely. This shows progress, traditionally a girl this cute would have cut me down.
Another set stands out, first of the night, Biergarten. Two women are sitting down, I open and I'm not expecting it to last. Based on how it opens, the physical location of the girls, it being the first set, me finding her attractive, I expect everything to blow up. But it doesn't, we talk for nearly half an hour. I go for the kiss multiple times, I take her number, it was solid. And this in itself shows massive progress. Even just a month or two ago, this set would have crumbled. I can't take all the credit though, I have to give a shout-out to my awesome wingmen. He's capable with women and that made the difference. If his girl lost interest she would have taken mine away.
Goodnumber Hunting
I picked up three numbers last night. The first came from the first set of the night that I just mentioned. After those girls left we went back and started flirting with their remaining friends. This went well and I suggested that I see my girl home. She was not having this so I took her number. I didn't even have time to save it before I was in set with the really beautiful girl. When she left I got her number, erasing the other girl's number in the process. My wingman chided me for this and he's right to do so. But the reality is that I'll never see any of them again. A set has to be so fucking solid for a number to not flake. Cold approach is difficult! Take the first set of the night, it was grade A. If that lady was my coworker or in my college dorm, she'd be begging me for my number. But that's not the case, it's cold approach and this changes the dynamic. Even though I got her number and texted her, no reply.
It's all good though. Last night there were so many situations that went amazing, that normally wouldn't have, that it's impossible to ignore the growth.
Changes
Logistics are stacked against you on a Wednesday night. Every girl I talked to had to work in the morning. So that's a big buzzkill. However, in general I have to consciously make that effort to think ahead and a plan. What are the logistics, is she ready to be pulled, what about the friend? And so forth. I'm getting caught up in the moment, which is good because I'm not stuck in my head, but without a plan I just end up losing them. I must correct this.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
We had the full entourage last night, me and my three main wingmen. Fantastic guys, I'm lucky to be going out with them. We're all in the same ballpark for skill level and that's brilliant. The guy who does the best is typically the one who approaches the most and stays out the longest. Last night that was one of the guys and he pulled a super cute girl back to his place around 3. Conflicting emotions, I'm psyched for him but also it makes me want to fucking crush it and put in even more work to get my own pull rate up.
Not that we slacked last night. We were all out for 3+ hours and together we probably approached 50 to 100 girls. A few thoughts on this.
Jade
She was the first set of the night, we talked for ten minutes. The conversation was going great until she asked me where I live. I said Coney Island and then I started to talk about it.
"It's really far away. It's not that great and I don't like it that much."
I noticed an immediate drop in the interest level. When I talk down about my life I decrease my state. The world will shit on me enough, I don't need to do it to myself. Even though I objectively don't really like where I'm living, when I'm out hitting on girls I can't feed into that reality. I need to pump up my own state and brag about my life, no matter how I really feel about it. The reason I'm staying there is to save a bunch of $$$ to go live in Bali for three months this winter, why not hype that up?
I left Jade a few minutes later. Then we went off and did our thing. Later, returning to the first bar, I saw her again. Immediately reopened and I could see it was on. I kissed her within two minutes. She asked what we had been doing for two hours. I replied,
"We were at club XYZ. I don't want to sound intolerant or anything, but we left after it got super gay."
100% truth, it turned into a gay party the likes of which Manhattan has never seen. But I did sound like a douche and I blew it. She stopped making eye contact, turned her body away from mine and began to give cursory answers. It was done, I fucked up the set twice with the same girl by my stupid words! We had jokes about this after. But seriously, good lessons. Always talk yourself up and put at least marginal limits on how you speak about sensitive topics.
The Ditz
For 20 minutes I talked to this girl and I couldn't figure out why the interaction wasn't going better. Then I realized, this girl is as dumb as a box of rocks! This struck me because I was able to judge the situation objectively and see that I wasn't being lame, she was simply not someone with whom you have an intelligent conversation. I asked her if she smoked weed.
"Yeah, I like it."
I ask her if she can be productive when she's high.
"Haha nooo.. I just get really stoned and lie on my bed for ten minutes then pass out!"
Kissing Girls
I did a grade A job of going for the kiss last night. I made it happen with Jade, I had two other girls turn away when I tried multiple times and then I got in closer with some other girls but didn't quite go for it. Really good shit man, I'm learning how to do this effectively.
Two Cute Girls
I saw two cute girls dressed in black and dove into that set without hesitation. They were both uber cute and liked me. They were just going downstairs though but as she was walking past the one girl invited me to follow along and keep talking. I elected not to, however, just getting to that point where girls want you to stay, that's big. I remember approximately 1,489 girls that didn't want me to stick around.
Room for Improvement
My approach ethic was sick, going for the kiss was awesome, me and all the other guys put in the work yesterday. However, again we see the issue of outergame. I'm having rock solid conversations but they're not leading anywhere. I need to be planting seeds, asking about logistics, creating plans and so forth. Living 90 minutes from the club I can't pull to my place but I can screen for pulling to hers or the bathroom if it's really on. Every single set, screen for logistics, seed the pull. Hammer that shit out like clockwork so that I'm creating opportunities. I don't want to jinx this but I don't think I've had a bad night in three or four weeks, my issue is not attraction or hooking a set. It's making shit motherfucking happen.
The Crew
When you look at the three guys I roll out with I'm the exception, in that I've put the most work into using cold approach pickup to develop my skills with girls and my ability to be social. The other three guys have all done cold approach but from what I gather they all started at a much higher level then me. But it doesn't matter where you come from, it matters where you are. And cold approach fucking works man. If you're willing to put in the work you can develop a new personality and get the chance to hang out with super fucking cool guys.
Not that we slacked last night. We were all out for 3+ hours and together we probably approached 50 to 100 girls. A few thoughts on this.
Jade
She was the first set of the night, we talked for ten minutes. The conversation was going great until she asked me where I live. I said Coney Island and then I started to talk about it.
"It's really far away. It's not that great and I don't like it that much."
I noticed an immediate drop in the interest level. When I talk down about my life I decrease my state. The world will shit on me enough, I don't need to do it to myself. Even though I objectively don't really like where I'm living, when I'm out hitting on girls I can't feed into that reality. I need to pump up my own state and brag about my life, no matter how I really feel about it. The reason I'm staying there is to save a bunch of $$$ to go live in Bali for three months this winter, why not hype that up?
I left Jade a few minutes later. Then we went off and did our thing. Later, returning to the first bar, I saw her again. Immediately reopened and I could see it was on. I kissed her within two minutes. She asked what we had been doing for two hours. I replied,
"We were at club XYZ. I don't want to sound intolerant or anything, but we left after it got super gay."
100% truth, it turned into a gay party the likes of which Manhattan has never seen. But I did sound like a douche and I blew it. She stopped making eye contact, turned her body away from mine and began to give cursory answers. It was done, I fucked up the set twice with the same girl by my stupid words! We had jokes about this after. But seriously, good lessons. Always talk yourself up and put at least marginal limits on how you speak about sensitive topics.
The Ditz
For 20 minutes I talked to this girl and I couldn't figure out why the interaction wasn't going better. Then I realized, this girl is as dumb as a box of rocks! This struck me because I was able to judge the situation objectively and see that I wasn't being lame, she was simply not someone with whom you have an intelligent conversation. I asked her if she smoked weed.
"Yeah, I like it."
I ask her if she can be productive when she's high.
"Haha nooo.. I just get really stoned and lie on my bed for ten minutes then pass out!"
Kissing Girls
I did a grade A job of going for the kiss last night. I made it happen with Jade, I had two other girls turn away when I tried multiple times and then I got in closer with some other girls but didn't quite go for it. Really good shit man, I'm learning how to do this effectively.
Two Cute Girls
I saw two cute girls dressed in black and dove into that set without hesitation. They were both uber cute and liked me. They were just going downstairs though but as she was walking past the one girl invited me to follow along and keep talking. I elected not to, however, just getting to that point where girls want you to stay, that's big. I remember approximately 1,489 girls that didn't want me to stick around.
Room for Improvement
My approach ethic was sick, going for the kiss was awesome, me and all the other guys put in the work yesterday. However, again we see the issue of outergame. I'm having rock solid conversations but they're not leading anywhere. I need to be planting seeds, asking about logistics, creating plans and so forth. Living 90 minutes from the club I can't pull to my place but I can screen for pulling to hers or the bathroom if it's really on. Every single set, screen for logistics, seed the pull. Hammer that shit out like clockwork so that I'm creating opportunities. I don't want to jinx this but I don't think I've had a bad night in three or four weeks, my issue is not attraction or hooking a set. It's making shit motherfucking happen.
The Crew
When you look at the three guys I roll out with I'm the exception, in that I've put the most work into using cold approach pickup to develop my skills with girls and my ability to be social. The other three guys have all done cold approach but from what I gather they all started at a much higher level then me. But it doesn't matter where you come from, it matters where you are. And cold approach fucking works man. If you're willing to put in the work you can develop a new personality and get the chance to hang out with super fucking cool guys.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
It was the entire entourage plus a new guy, so five of us in total. We started at a new bar which was good, we found a few sets. Walked to another bar, shit. So we went to 13 Step. Within 10 minutes we had canvased the place, there wasn't a girl who didn't get hit on. I opened multiple sets, gave high fives, had a blast. It's easy to have fun when your entire social circle is in one place.
Two guys left, leaving me and two others. We decided to check out a speakeasy. It was really fucking cool, no doubt. They give you a table, you have a waitress, but it's not for us. We immediately leave and call it a night. It was a blast overall. Talking to all the guys, hitting on everything, I opened some models on the street who flat out ignored my existence. A good night.
The Game Aspect
A year ago me and my wingman used to joke around. When a girl insta-rejected one of us, we'd say that she didn't know what she's missing or she just can't tell how cool we are. It was funny but it was a mask and we both knew it. We didn't really feel like cool guys, we expected to get rejected. When a set went well and hooked, it was an interesting exception. Now, today, tonight, this moment, the opposite is true. I walk up and fully expect that girl to like me and engage in a conversation. 94% of the time that's what happens, it's weird to get an insta-rejection.
It's great to operate on this new paradigm but it opens up all sorts of new problems. I can open almost anything and have a conversation but I'm not making shit happen, I don't have a strong belief that we will sleep together. And logically can you blame me? I haven't pulled in a month or two. I've come really fucking close, there have been a couple of times I would have pulled if a 50/50 scenario went my way, but it hasn't happened. That means that in the last 60 days I've talked to maybe 300 women and haven't had sex once. It makes perfect sense that my brain doesn't believe that I will get laid with this girl. As much as I strive to put my mind in the right place, it just isn't happening like I'd like it to.
So that's where I'm at. This sort of purgatory, where I can open, have solid conversations but they lead nowhere. And it's getting old. At least when a girl rejects you right off the bat you can move on. With these conversations I get to know a girl, invest in her and she invests in me. We build something and then nothing happens. Over and over and over. The last month is the most fun I've ever had in game, in terms of satisfaction and ease of interacting with women, but the lack of results is disappointing.
What is the pain trying to teach me? There's always a lesson there and I think that in this case it's this: I have to be leading more. I'm not trying to make sex happen. Even though I'm getting over my problem of going for the makeout, which is gratifying in the moment, that doesn't really get us closer to the pull. Once in a while you get that girl who is so fucking down that you just say let's get out of here and it's lights out. But I feel that I'm losing dozens of possible sets because I'm not hooking up with those girls where it's seemingly less down but if I led I could make shit happen.
If I was to give myself a challenge, it would be the following: for every single set that I'm in for more than three minutes, I must try leading. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter if I think it's a good idea. I just have to try and do it. If she says no, I have to try again in two minutes. Then another two minutes. I'm willing to burn shit down because I've had so many 20 minute conversations that I don't need another! I'd rather find out if lack of leading is my problem. Anyways, let's look at a few of the girls.
Sets
Started off right with a couple of cute girls from the midwest. I love to walk up to girls and assume that they're not from New York. 90% of the time you'll be right, nobody is really from here. I talked to both for a few minutes then my buddy came in and took the cuter one. Mine was awfully cool too though and we vibed well. But after ten minutes things slipped. I stopped offering that cool vibe, I got stuck in my head a bit, started thinking about how to offer value and she stopped reacting so well. Frustrating!
It's no fun to have that awesome conversation for ten minutes or so then feel it slip. If I could redo this I would make myself more comfortable, take a seat next to her. I would also seed the idea of going to another bar so that the set has direction. I'd also recognize that I need to contribute more to the conversation. I'm really good at asking questions and getting her to open up but there are times I have to talk about myself, or at least tell a story, so that we are both invested in each other.
I look back on college and smack myself from about 6 different girls I could have slept with if I just knew what the fuck I was doing. In two years I'll look back on this set and smack myself for not pulling.
Opened another girl at the first bar and it was going well. She gave me some shit initially but in the end started responding well. I liked her but we left before it could go anywhere. Although to be honest, I don't know where it would have gone. I was just goofing around, I wasn't setting up anything for us to do together.
There were plenty of other sets, nothing interesting.
Going Forward
I must ask myself, what am I most scared to do? Then do that. In this way I find fear very useful. Opening is easy, even big sets and mixed sets. Staying in conversation for a while is no problem. The fear arises when it comes to leading hard and moving the girl. I have this fantastic reference point of the night I was drunk in Meatpacking, met this girl and talked for a few minutes. Then I dragged her out of the bar and almost got into a taxi with her. I wasn't worried about attraction, investment, or any of these other stupid fucking concepts that I talk about. I was on the level of she's a girl, I want to get laid, pull her out of the bar to get laid. So I did.
And I obviously pulled too soon and she freaked out, but it was so beautiful how I just led hard and she followed. I have to bring that level of leading into my game now if I want to actually get somewhere.
Two guys left, leaving me and two others. We decided to check out a speakeasy. It was really fucking cool, no doubt. They give you a table, you have a waitress, but it's not for us. We immediately leave and call it a night. It was a blast overall. Talking to all the guys, hitting on everything, I opened some models on the street who flat out ignored my existence. A good night.
The Game Aspect
A year ago me and my wingman used to joke around. When a girl insta-rejected one of us, we'd say that she didn't know what she's missing or she just can't tell how cool we are. It was funny but it was a mask and we both knew it. We didn't really feel like cool guys, we expected to get rejected. When a set went well and hooked, it was an interesting exception. Now, today, tonight, this moment, the opposite is true. I walk up and fully expect that girl to like me and engage in a conversation. 94% of the time that's what happens, it's weird to get an insta-rejection.
It's great to operate on this new paradigm but it opens up all sorts of new problems. I can open almost anything and have a conversation but I'm not making shit happen, I don't have a strong belief that we will sleep together. And logically can you blame me? I haven't pulled in a month or two. I've come really fucking close, there have been a couple of times I would have pulled if a 50/50 scenario went my way, but it hasn't happened. That means that in the last 60 days I've talked to maybe 300 women and haven't had sex once. It makes perfect sense that my brain doesn't believe that I will get laid with this girl. As much as I strive to put my mind in the right place, it just isn't happening like I'd like it to.
So that's where I'm at. This sort of purgatory, where I can open, have solid conversations but they lead nowhere. And it's getting old. At least when a girl rejects you right off the bat you can move on. With these conversations I get to know a girl, invest in her and she invests in me. We build something and then nothing happens. Over and over and over. The last month is the most fun I've ever had in game, in terms of satisfaction and ease of interacting with women, but the lack of results is disappointing.
What is the pain trying to teach me? There's always a lesson there and I think that in this case it's this: I have to be leading more. I'm not trying to make sex happen. Even though I'm getting over my problem of going for the makeout, which is gratifying in the moment, that doesn't really get us closer to the pull. Once in a while you get that girl who is so fucking down that you just say let's get out of here and it's lights out. But I feel that I'm losing dozens of possible sets because I'm not hooking up with those girls where it's seemingly less down but if I led I could make shit happen.
If I was to give myself a challenge, it would be the following: for every single set that I'm in for more than three minutes, I must try leading. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter if I think it's a good idea. I just have to try and do it. If she says no, I have to try again in two minutes. Then another two minutes. I'm willing to burn shit down because I've had so many 20 minute conversations that I don't need another! I'd rather find out if lack of leading is my problem. Anyways, let's look at a few of the girls.
Sets
Started off right with a couple of cute girls from the midwest. I love to walk up to girls and assume that they're not from New York. 90% of the time you'll be right, nobody is really from here. I talked to both for a few minutes then my buddy came in and took the cuter one. Mine was awfully cool too though and we vibed well. But after ten minutes things slipped. I stopped offering that cool vibe, I got stuck in my head a bit, started thinking about how to offer value and she stopped reacting so well. Frustrating!
It's no fun to have that awesome conversation for ten minutes or so then feel it slip. If I could redo this I would make myself more comfortable, take a seat next to her. I would also seed the idea of going to another bar so that the set has direction. I'd also recognize that I need to contribute more to the conversation. I'm really good at asking questions and getting her to open up but there are times I have to talk about myself, or at least tell a story, so that we are both invested in each other.
I look back on college and smack myself from about 6 different girls I could have slept with if I just knew what the fuck I was doing. In two years I'll look back on this set and smack myself for not pulling.
Opened another girl at the first bar and it was going well. She gave me some shit initially but in the end started responding well. I liked her but we left before it could go anywhere. Although to be honest, I don't know where it would have gone. I was just goofing around, I wasn't setting up anything for us to do together.
There were plenty of other sets, nothing interesting.
Going Forward
I must ask myself, what am I most scared to do? Then do that. In this way I find fear very useful. Opening is easy, even big sets and mixed sets. Staying in conversation for a while is no problem. The fear arises when it comes to leading hard and moving the girl. I have this fantastic reference point of the night I was drunk in Meatpacking, met this girl and talked for a few minutes. Then I dragged her out of the bar and almost got into a taxi with her. I wasn't worried about attraction, investment, or any of these other stupid fucking concepts that I talk about. I was on the level of she's a girl, I want to get laid, pull her out of the bar to get laid. So I did.
And I obviously pulled too soon and she freaked out, but it was so beautiful how I just led hard and she followed. I have to bring that level of leading into my game now if I want to actually get somewhere.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Two and a half hours went quick last night. Hit up a few different bars, talked to a few different women. Longest set was a couple of French girls sitting down. Mine turned out to be an all around impressive human being. She drove a motorcycle through rural Cambodia. That's hardcore, I'd love to do this but I even have my reservations, it's not a journey you do lightly. So I was impressed. She told me that she does some modelling and acting to. I could see that, she was 30 and rather beautiful, she must have been really something at 20.
This interaction went well because she contributed. I don't really like to talk about frames and power in an interaction, it's sort of creepy. But still, I fell into her frame and instead of dismissing me we kept talking. She was a nice human being. My buddy invited them both to his party this Saturday, we'll see what happens.
Right now I'm in a really fucking weird place with pickup. I'm having the most fun I've ever had. That horrible underlying current of anxiety is 99.3% gone and I'm enjoying every night. I'm even looking forward to getting to the club. Getting stressed out all day long about going out later used to be the worst part of pickup, thank god that's over with. So things are good but I also feel like I'm fucking completely fucking lost. I'm getting into these long interactions every night and I'm not taking them anyplace. I'm questioning why they're even taking place if I'm not making anything happen.
Part of the problem is that I have zero logistics, unless a girl is uncontrollably obsessed with me, she's not going for a 70 minute train ride. So when I go into that interaction I don't have that clear goal of what I'm trying to do, I.e. get her back to my bedroom. Obviously I can pull to hers but I feel like this gives me less power. It's harder for me to push hard to go to her place, it doesn't feel as natural as magnetizing her to mine. It is possible though..
Another problem, I'm not taking risks the way I need to be. I'm going out with a group of cool guys which is fantastic, but it's caused me to put some limits on what I do. I'd rather play it safe and give the appearance of being competent than take a risk, lead her, go for the pull, and fuck it up. This is especially prevalent in my thinking because my wingman is usually in set with me and if I fuck it up I end it for him to. However... I'm not going to get better if I keep doing the same shit over and over! I must condition myself to take that risk and not worry about looking stupid in front of my wingmen.
Final issue, I'm waiting for perfection before I go for the pull. I'm falling into the trap of thinking that I need to have unbelievable attraction before I can lead her home. Well no, I don't really. I've pulled plenty of times when things were good, not great, and I have to remember that.
Inner Dialogue
The guys I go out with are awesome at maintaining their frames and speaking with confidence throughout an interaction. I'm good initially but I often feel like I lose steam around 10 to 15 minutes. I start to doubt my words and the whole thing goes down hill. Not always, but enough that it's an obvious sticking point.
In addressing this problem I came to a realization last night. When I hit that wall, say at 10 minutes, I start looking for reasons that she's no longer interested and I also start questioning myself. My inner dialogue is that was kind of lame, what you said. Do you really believe that? No! Fuck that shit. As soon as I catch myself slipping into that mental loop I can stop it and just remind myself that I'm awesome. Remind myself that girls love, this girl loves me and she wants me to talk to her. Tune my RAS into all the reasons she wants me there. I believe that with conscious effort I can overcome this.
Tl;Dr
Can't worry about what wingmen think, must be OK with taking the risk and potentially fucking up. Must not succumb to negative bullshit in set.
This interaction went well because she contributed. I don't really like to talk about frames and power in an interaction, it's sort of creepy. But still, I fell into her frame and instead of dismissing me we kept talking. She was a nice human being. My buddy invited them both to his party this Saturday, we'll see what happens.
Right now I'm in a really fucking weird place with pickup. I'm having the most fun I've ever had. That horrible underlying current of anxiety is 99.3% gone and I'm enjoying every night. I'm even looking forward to getting to the club. Getting stressed out all day long about going out later used to be the worst part of pickup, thank god that's over with. So things are good but I also feel like I'm fucking completely fucking lost. I'm getting into these long interactions every night and I'm not taking them anyplace. I'm questioning why they're even taking place if I'm not making anything happen.
Part of the problem is that I have zero logistics, unless a girl is uncontrollably obsessed with me, she's not going for a 70 minute train ride. So when I go into that interaction I don't have that clear goal of what I'm trying to do, I.e. get her back to my bedroom. Obviously I can pull to hers but I feel like this gives me less power. It's harder for me to push hard to go to her place, it doesn't feel as natural as magnetizing her to mine. It is possible though..
Another problem, I'm not taking risks the way I need to be. I'm going out with a group of cool guys which is fantastic, but it's caused me to put some limits on what I do. I'd rather play it safe and give the appearance of being competent than take a risk, lead her, go for the pull, and fuck it up. This is especially prevalent in my thinking because my wingman is usually in set with me and if I fuck it up I end it for him to. However... I'm not going to get better if I keep doing the same shit over and over! I must condition myself to take that risk and not worry about looking stupid in front of my wingmen.
Final issue, I'm waiting for perfection before I go for the pull. I'm falling into the trap of thinking that I need to have unbelievable attraction before I can lead her home. Well no, I don't really. I've pulled plenty of times when things were good, not great, and I have to remember that.
Inner Dialogue
The guys I go out with are awesome at maintaining their frames and speaking with confidence throughout an interaction. I'm good initially but I often feel like I lose steam around 10 to 15 minutes. I start to doubt my words and the whole thing goes down hill. Not always, but enough that it's an obvious sticking point.
In addressing this problem I came to a realization last night. When I hit that wall, say at 10 minutes, I start looking for reasons that she's no longer interested and I also start questioning myself. My inner dialogue is that was kind of lame, what you said. Do you really believe that? No! Fuck that shit. As soon as I catch myself slipping into that mental loop I can stop it and just remind myself that I'm awesome. Remind myself that girls love, this girl loves me and she wants me to talk to her. Tune my RAS into all the reasons she wants me there. I believe that with conscious effort I can overcome this.
Tl;Dr
Can't worry about what wingmen think, must be OK with taking the risk and potentially fucking up. Must not succumb to negative bullshit in set.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
My wingman threw a Halloween party last night, I didn't dress up. Felt self conscious for a while but got into it and had a blast. By the end we had approached every girl there. One of my other wingmen pulled his first set. He's an animal and his vibe is amazing. I kissed 4 or 5 girls, which is a new record.
What surprised me is that there was little reciprocation. I only made out with one girl. The other ones I would kiss and they'd like it but never got into it. .
Overall the night was solid. I got to see the potential of having a big social circle and a cool apartment. I collected a few numbers and they hit me back. There is definitely a difference between cold approach and talking to a girl at a massive party when you know the guy who lives there.
Finally, I think I underestimated how shitty it would be to have no logistics. If I had a place to pull to I think I could have made something happen last night. I've got the game, I've got the experience, I don't don't have the convenient bed..
What surprised me is that there was little reciprocation. I only made out with one girl. The other ones I would kiss and they'd like it but never got into it. .
Overall the night was solid. I got to see the potential of having a big social circle and a cool apartment. I collected a few numbers and they hit me back. There is definitely a difference between cold approach and talking to a girl at a massive party when you know the guy who lives there.
Finally, I think I underestimated how shitty it would be to have no logistics. If I had a place to pull to I think I could have made something happen last night. I've got the game, I've got the experience, I don't don't have the convenient bed..
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Had a blast last night, I don't think two and a half hours has ever gone so fast. I got to the bar alone and opened a few sets. I was talking to this cute girl when my wingman showed up. Said hi to him, kept talking to the girl. After a while me and cute girl started making out. I suggested we go outside, she followed. I suggested we walk around the block, she followed. Earlier I had asked her what her favorite bar by her house is, she told me. I suggested we grab an Uber and go for a drink there. She liked me but she had to work. I was persistent but it wasn't happening. Got her number, set up a date for Saturday, in Williamsburg, close to her place. We'll see what happens.
Met up with my wingman again, we opened a bunch of sets. I ended up on the dance floor, a girl bumped into me and we started dancing. I started kissing her neck and ear. Then she spun around and we started making out. Craziest shit, we spent ten minutes together and never said a word. Just danced. I felt like a king, just having amazing fun, girls feeling that and being drawn in. I loved it! The girl ended up walking away which was no biggie. Although... I should be aware that having unending fun is great, but actually talking to the girl is necessary haha.
I opened a stunning woman on the street and she responded well. I was instantly in my head though, it was super funny.
Me: "Hey, hows your night going!?"
Her: "Great, how about yours?"
"Fucking amazing. I love Halloween, so many people being crazy."
"Yeah, it's pretty fun."
"So, hows your night..." Fuck me, I just asked her that. I walk away...
Funny shit. Next time I'll do better though. Hot girls are just girls. It's the same stuff, be outgoing, be confident, be present and having fun. A girl responds to this whether she's amazing or less than perfect.
Notes
*I'm fucking amazing, girls love me.
Met up with my wingman again, we opened a bunch of sets. I ended up on the dance floor, a girl bumped into me and we started dancing. I started kissing her neck and ear. Then she spun around and we started making out. Craziest shit, we spent ten minutes together and never said a word. Just danced. I felt like a king, just having amazing fun, girls feeling that and being drawn in. I loved it! The girl ended up walking away which was no biggie. Although... I should be aware that having unending fun is great, but actually talking to the girl is necessary haha.
I opened a stunning woman on the street and she responded well. I was instantly in my head though, it was super funny.
Me: "Hey, hows your night going!?"
Her: "Great, how about yours?"
"Fucking amazing. I love Halloween, so many people being crazy."
"Yeah, it's pretty fun."
"So, hows your night..." Fuck me, I just asked her that. I walk away...
Funny shit. Next time I'll do better though. Hot girls are just girls. It's the same stuff, be outgoing, be confident, be present and having fun. A girl responds to this whether she's amazing or less than perfect.
Notes
*I'm fucking amazing, girls love me.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Out with the whole crew last night. Unfortunately not enough sets to keep us busy. Having four guys on a weekend is awesome but on a Wednesday night it's maybe not the best. We went to my favorite club and found two more guys who I used to go out with a lot. They joined the group and it ended up being six of us, heading to a bar that didn't have enough sets for two. Still, a fun night, I enjoy hanging out with everyone.
I talked to an English woman for a few minutes and it was borderline. I sort of felt like I deserved her and sort of didn't. She was awfully cute, smart and a manager of her group of people. After 5 minutes she decided to leave me but she was hesitant. I could see that she wasn't sure whether to stay or go. It was a perfect reflection of my own thinking, me not being 100% sure about whether I deserved her. In retrospect, I would hold her for longer, quash objections about wanting to get back to the friends, take her to a corner where her coworkers couldn't see us and go for the makeout.
That was honestly the only memorable set of the night. Mostly just chatted with the guys. I texted the girl from last night but she didn't reply. I blame myself, I asked her,
Hey, how was work today?
The thing about this text is that it's fucking boring and makes me look like every other chode in existence. It does nothing to reinforce the idea that I'm the cool guy that she's been looking for. So I'm going to strike this text from the face of the planet and only do more interesting follow up texts.
In other news, still talking to the girl I made out with at the Halloween party and she says she's down to get a drink this weekend. We have a solid vibe and I think there's a good chance I can pull her. We'll see what happens.
I talked to an English woman for a few minutes and it was borderline. I sort of felt like I deserved her and sort of didn't. She was awfully cute, smart and a manager of her group of people. After 5 minutes she decided to leave me but she was hesitant. I could see that she wasn't sure whether to stay or go. It was a perfect reflection of my own thinking, me not being 100% sure about whether I deserved her. In retrospect, I would hold her for longer, quash objections about wanting to get back to the friends, take her to a corner where her coworkers couldn't see us and go for the makeout.
That was honestly the only memorable set of the night. Mostly just chatted with the guys. I texted the girl from last night but she didn't reply. I blame myself, I asked her,
Hey, how was work today?
The thing about this text is that it's fucking boring and makes me look like every other chode in existence. It does nothing to reinforce the idea that I'm the cool guy that she's been looking for. So I'm going to strike this text from the face of the planet and only do more interesting follow up texts.
In other news, still talking to the girl I made out with at the Halloween party and she says she's down to get a drink this weekend. We have a solid vibe and I think there's a good chance I can pull her. We'll see what happens.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2016
- Messages
- 201
Davai said:
Lol. If you guys already arranged to meet why do you have to check on her?
When a girl text me like that when we already have plans, it's kind of silly because is obvious she's trying to build rapport, but is also kind of cute and endearing. As a men I would imagine is also cute, but cute is not that attractive for women...
I also groan a little cause I don't like texting much so I take like the whole day to reply. Don't beat yourself, she might take a lot to respond, or maybe she's started to think you're one of those guys who text everyday for no reason?... who knows?
At any rate, don't be afraid to not text a girl after you made plans, unless she is the one texting you. A simple "Are we still on for today?" the day you agreed works just fine...
ps: Kudos for your consistence, I'm working on being as disciplined as you man. As soon as I heal from a recent back injury, ouch.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Ergon said:Davai said:
Lol. If you guys already arranged to meet why do you have to check on her?
When a girl text me like that when we already have plans, it's kind of silly because is obvious she's trying to build rapport, but is also kind of cute and endearing. As a men I would imagine is also cute, but cute is not that attractive for women...
I also groan a little cause I don't like texting much so I take like the whole day to reply. Don't beat yourself, she might take a lot to respond, or maybe she's started to think you're one of those guys who text everyday for no reason?... who knows?
At any rate, don't be afraid to not text a girl after you made plans, unless she is the one texting you. A simple "Are we still on for today?" the day you agreed works just fine...
ps: Kudos for your consistence, I'm working on being as disciplined as you man. As soon as I heal from a recent back injury, ouch.
Thanks man, the discipline was really fucking important the first year or so but now it's getting easier. Now that AA is basically dead and I'm having way more fun, I look forward to this mayhem
As for the girl, I guess my thinking is that I just like to follow up the next day so she doesn't forget me, and also so I don't forget haha. I sometimes get caught up and just let girls drop off the radar. The way I do game I'm always out meeting new women which is good, but the bad side is I sometimes forget about the chick from two days ago..
I sent her another text, she never texted back, I'm over it.
----
Friday night in New York, people everywhere. Get denied from a bar because I have a penis. Make accusations of sexism, vow to never return. Go to a different bar that turns out to be better anyways. Open, open, open. Wingman shows up but he's not in a good state. Refuses to approach, bitches out and goes home. Not cool you English tea drinker, you've got some work to do.
Alone, I open, open, open. Another wingman shows up. He's on fire, pulling every week, putting the rest of us to shame. We open, open, open. I see this cute little Asian girl and it's so obvious that her buying temperature is plus 100. She's too short to kiss without some awkwardness. I pick her up, bring her face to mine, we make out. That's a first, have to remember to do it again. I pull her outside. We makeout but it's cold. She's shivering. I hug her. Another girl joins the hug. Then her friend. Three of us hugging this tiny little girl.
At this point I'm owning. If I had logistics I would have thrown this Asian girl into the first taxi I saw and pulled her to mine. I would have had to deal with numerous objections but it would have been fine. Unfortunately, no logistics. We makeout one last time, I get her number then release her back into the wild.
More opening till I find Lea. Super cute, great hair, fun personality. Stay with her an hour. Pull her and her friend to another bar. Friend is not having fun, I'm praying that she'll leave me and Lea alone. This is a solid pull if only the friend leaves. Naturally, friend does not leave. Instead, insists Lea take her home. I say,
"Ok, well let's grab an Uber, take her home then check out a bar on the Upper East Side."
Lea says no, says she's staying that night with her friend who is new to the city. She asks me for my number, says she'd like to hang out again. I give it to her, we have a goodbye-makeout then off she goes. I open a few more sets, few more girls on the sidewalk, nothing special. Go home and get 4 hours of sleep before work.
The Breakdown
*I'm happy with how I handled the night. With Lea, my most promising set, I'm honestly not sure what I would change. Without a wingman to handle the friend I'm in a tight spot. As much as I'd love to, I can't just tell the friend to go home. I was really counting on her just getting bored and leaving, but that didn't happen. Anyone have ideas about what to do here?
*Last night, for a few minutes, was perhaps the most in state I've ever been. It felt like cocaine without the cocaine. I was standing in the center of an aggressively loud bar, walled in by people, feeling beautifully relaxed and natural. It was really spectacular, it even lead to some girls opening me. Something that hasn't happened to me in months. While this state is great, I'm coming to depend on it less and less. Regardless of how I feel I can hammer out my approaches and make shit happen.
*My outings are taking on a new level. I'm routinely making out with two women a night and it seems obvious that soon I'll make out with three, something I've never done before. Pickup is glorious, there's nothing else to say.
*As fucking solid as my set with Lea was, and even though she said she'd really like to see me and asked me for my number, I know that there's a not-so-low chance I'll never see her again. It boggles my mind. What the hell are these girls looking for? Does she really meet a guy as cool as me, who she has so much in common with, every weekend? Does hypergamy really just not give a shit, it's the best or nothing? Game is sort of ruthless. I'm willing to accept that though, I'm learning what the reality actually is and figuring out how to win. That being said, I'd be really cool to hook up with Lea.
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2017
- Messages
- 307
My takeaway from all your reports Davai is that you need to fix your logistics. I see so many examples where you could/should be pulling girls and aren't because you can't get them back to your place. Not sure what your setup looks like, but if your apartment isn't an option you need to figure out a plan B. Its probably too cold out for outdoor pulls, so I don't know what that looks like for you. Backseat of a car? Friends spare bedroom? Rent a hotel room? (Obviously not cheap if you are in NYC). If you can't find a place to seal the deal its never going to happen!
I think a lot of this might have to do with the fact that you are doing nightgame. What happens in the bar stays in the bar kind of thing. How many times have you been out drinking and you met a group of people and became new best friends and exchanged numbers and promised to do all kinds of things together? And then you sober up and wake up the next day and none of it ever happens.
Yeah, that same thing happens with girls. Not to mention I have to imagine a cute girl in NYC is probably getting approached 20+ times a night and getting as many numbers as she chooses if she is actively on the market. So as much as in THAT specific moment in time you guys were vibing and you stood out to her, when she wakes up the next morning and has 4 new numbers in her phone from guys she's met that week, what really sets you apart from all the other guys she met at bars?
I think a lot of this might have to do with the fact that you are doing nightgame. What happens in the bar stays in the bar kind of thing. How many times have you been out drinking and you met a group of people and became new best friends and exchanged numbers and promised to do all kinds of things together? And then you sober up and wake up the next day and none of it ever happens.
Yeah, that same thing happens with girls. Not to mention I have to imagine a cute girl in NYC is probably getting approached 20+ times a night and getting as many numbers as she chooses if she is actively on the market. So as much as in THAT specific moment in time you guys were vibing and you stood out to her, when she wakes up the next morning and has 4 new numbers in her phone from guys she's met that week, what really sets you apart from all the other guys she met at bars?
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
lostnumber said:
Yeah you're 100% right about logistics. It's a conscious decision on my part though, I'm choosing to save a bunch of money by living far away so that I can take off and live abroad for six months. So I'm consciously sacrificing getting laid in order to do that. That being said, I'm putting an active effort into figuring out a way to consistently pull to her place. If I can get this down it will serve me so good, so many times in the future.
I think you're right about the cute girl. I hadn't really thought about it like that, in the context of those times you're out drinking and meet people and never follow through again. In this case we had a lot in common, we both write for a living and we both speak Russian. Some cool shit there, but I don't think it's enough for her to see me again. That hurts but it's just fuel for the fire. I'm determined so fucking amazing that I'm separated leaps and bounds from the average guy and she can't wait to see me again.
Final thought, if I meet her on Friday night, I like the idea of going out with her on Saturday. No time for us to forget about each other.
------
Last night was annoying. I met up with this girl that I knew from my friend's Halloween party. We made out at the party but last night she wouldn't even kiss me. We danced, talked and it was sort of fun. Mostly though I was pissed. Every time I took action to make shit happen she would back off and take this fucking moral high ground. Like I'm not that type of girl, sex is dirty, aren't you ashamed of yourself for indulging in that kind of thinking?
So fucking frustrating. None the less, I took it as a challenge. How much can I make happen, how well I can maintain my awesomeness even in the face of so much bullshit? I asked her to bounce to another bar with me. She refused. Change plans, let's go get pizza. She agrees. By the time we're done eating her overprotective friends have called her four times. What a fucking turnoff, I love independent people who do what they want. I seed the pull by asking to see her goldfish. I get her walking to the subway with me. I get her down into the station. She refuses to go any further. I say,
"Come on. We just need to practice swiping our cards. Let's go."
But that's the furthest she goes. Still refuses to kiss me. I say,
"Are you sure, this is your last chance."
She looks at me funny. I say OK, walk away, the night is over. She texts me later, ignored. Done. The whole experience was fucking annoying. I feel like I wasted a Saturday night.
Notes
*Didn't totally waste the night. I practiced leading and got a girl to follow me who was giving me nothing but shit. That shows that girls words and actions are often very different. Well, we all know that. It reaffirms it.
*I'm keen on figuring out how the fuck I can avoid ever being in this situation again. It's a bit tricky right, because sometimes a girl can be cold and giving you shit in the beginning but over time you warm her up and end up pulling. Or, maybe she never warms up and the whole experience is bullshit. I hope that this "date" taught me some of the signs of it's never going to happen.
*This whole week I was really good about leading and getting girls out of the bar. Tuesday I got a girl out on the sidewalk and pushed hard for the close, Friday I bounced a girl to a new bar and probably would have pulled if the friend had left, last night I got an annoying and reluctant girl to the subway station.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Found one set tonight. Talked to her for ten minutes, left. Walked all over LES but couldn't find anything else. I'm really not going to miss NYC in the winter. Nightlife diminishes to almost nothing during the weeknights.
I have a theory about what it takes to get good, more time spent talking to girls. As long as you have a basic grasp of the direction you're heading in and have a decent understanding of the fundamentals of pickup, I think that time spent talking to girls determines 80% of how successful you are.
Perhaps, and I'm less certain of this theory than the other one, the remaining 20% of your success depends on your existing beliefs. For example, before I got into pickup I spent six years telling myself that I'm bad with girls. That was my reality. To become better I've had to overwrite it with something better, I'm awesome and girls love me. This has probably made my pickup journey somewhat longer. An average guy who has average beliefs, I'm cool, some girls like me, I'm a good prospect, may make faster progress because he doesn't have to unwind years of shitty beliefs. This is just a thought though, I'm not convinced I have it right.
I have a theory about what it takes to get good, more time spent talking to girls. As long as you have a basic grasp of the direction you're heading in and have a decent understanding of the fundamentals of pickup, I think that time spent talking to girls determines 80% of how successful you are.
Perhaps, and I'm less certain of this theory than the other one, the remaining 20% of your success depends on your existing beliefs. For example, before I got into pickup I spent six years telling myself that I'm bad with girls. That was my reality. To become better I've had to overwrite it with something better, I'm awesome and girls love me. This has probably made my pickup journey somewhat longer. An average guy who has average beliefs, I'm cool, some girls like me, I'm a good prospect, may make faster progress because he doesn't have to unwind years of shitty beliefs. This is just a thought though, I'm not convinced I have it right.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
I've been on a streak of awesome for a month or two and I keep waiting to have a shitty night. Thought it would be last night but it didn't turn out like that. Instead, I ended up having a blast, making out with two different girls and feeling like a king. Was out with the whole entourage. We tore up Meatpacking, approached everything in sight and made a solid run of it.
Notes
*The first girl I made out with was pretty uninspiring but she was really into me. I was down to pull her and took steps to make that happen. Unfortunately she was with a friend who was staying at her apartment and they also had to drop another guy off at the train station. I tried to bounce them to another club, my girl was down but the friend vetoed. By this point I was in it for 30 minutes and decided to try other things. Got this girl's number, walked 15 feet away, bumped into a cute blonde girl and we started making out within twenty seconds. Fastest I've ever gone from makeout to makeout in my life. That was pretty cool. This second girl was just leaving with all her friends. In retrospect I should have made myself part of the group and gone with.
*Pickup is about 1,000% easier than it used to be. I feel good when I go out, I have fun, approaching is easy. My mental state is on fucking point 95% of the time. I think that if I had good logistics and was going out 6 nights a week I could be pulling once a week at this point.
*Having a plan for how you pull is fucking crucial. I love how my one buddy does it. He has a bar right by his house, invites the girl to hop in a taxi and go get a drink with him there. They pull up in front of the bar, he says he just has to use the bathroom real quick and pulls the girl to his place. The rest is easy. It's so fucking simple, so beautiful. For me I have no logistics so I'm asking girls what their favorite bar is by their house, remembering that name and then later in the interaction I suggest we go grab a drink there. Hasn't worked yet but I have faith.
*I suspect that a big part of sleeping with more attractive women is going to be stepping up hard. Doing really solid approaches that will set me apart from 97% of other guys who are bugging out when they approach a hottie. That being said, I'm still not fully onboard with pulling super attractive women. I have some weird mental blocks in my head. I see a hot woman and it's like my brain shuts down. It's really annoying but I'm putting faith in the process, trusting that I will overcome this in time.
*That girl from Saturday texted me last night (see the text here). Fairly suggestive text and I ignored the hell out of it. When I left her that night she was giving me all sorts of shit. After a while I got fed up with it and said,
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me, this is your last chance.."
She was taken aback because she was the one denying me. She said no. I said goodbye and I have no intention of ever seeing her again, slutty text or not.
*Last night on the way home I caught a handful of girls making extended eye contact with me. I don't know how the fuck girls are able to tell so quickly when you're really in the zone or not. On a regular day I still feel good and have good posture but they're not fooled. It's only after a night of carnage that I get eye fucked.
*Saw John Mayer last night. Tremendous haircut, that man has.
Notes
*The first girl I made out with was pretty uninspiring but she was really into me. I was down to pull her and took steps to make that happen. Unfortunately she was with a friend who was staying at her apartment and they also had to drop another guy off at the train station. I tried to bounce them to another club, my girl was down but the friend vetoed. By this point I was in it for 30 minutes and decided to try other things. Got this girl's number, walked 15 feet away, bumped into a cute blonde girl and we started making out within twenty seconds. Fastest I've ever gone from makeout to makeout in my life. That was pretty cool. This second girl was just leaving with all her friends. In retrospect I should have made myself part of the group and gone with.
*Pickup is about 1,000% easier than it used to be. I feel good when I go out, I have fun, approaching is easy. My mental state is on fucking point 95% of the time. I think that if I had good logistics and was going out 6 nights a week I could be pulling once a week at this point.
*Having a plan for how you pull is fucking crucial. I love how my one buddy does it. He has a bar right by his house, invites the girl to hop in a taxi and go get a drink with him there. They pull up in front of the bar, he says he just has to use the bathroom real quick and pulls the girl to his place. The rest is easy. It's so fucking simple, so beautiful. For me I have no logistics so I'm asking girls what their favorite bar is by their house, remembering that name and then later in the interaction I suggest we go grab a drink there. Hasn't worked yet but I have faith.
*I suspect that a big part of sleeping with more attractive women is going to be stepping up hard. Doing really solid approaches that will set me apart from 97% of other guys who are bugging out when they approach a hottie. That being said, I'm still not fully onboard with pulling super attractive women. I have some weird mental blocks in my head. I see a hot woman and it's like my brain shuts down. It's really annoying but I'm putting faith in the process, trusting that I will overcome this in time.
*That girl from Saturday texted me last night (see the text here). Fairly suggestive text and I ignored the hell out of it. When I left her that night she was giving me all sorts of shit. After a while I got fed up with it and said,
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me, this is your last chance.."
She was taken aback because she was the one denying me. She said no. I said goodbye and I have no intention of ever seeing her again, slutty text or not.
*Last night on the way home I caught a handful of girls making extended eye contact with me. I don't know how the fuck girls are able to tell so quickly when you're really in the zone or not. On a regular day I still feel good and have good posture but they're not fooled. It's only after a night of carnage that I get eye fucked.
*Saw John Mayer last night. Tremendous haircut, that man has.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Quick report from a few nights ago. We went out on a Wednesday, me and two of the guys. Second set I came in and I made out with my girl. Fifteen minutes later I pulled her out of the rooftop lounge, moved her to another bar down the street. That was closed so I suggested we grab some beers and head back to her place. She was uneasy about it and said she wanted to go back to the first place. So we did, made out a bit more, I got her number then bounced. This was a good interaction because I learned something important.
I pushed too hard to get her to leave the lounge with me. She kept saying we should just have a drink there, with my friends and her friends around and a nice atmosphere. Eventually she agreed to leave with me because I'm awesome but it wasn't the best move. As soon as we got out of the club that nice vibe we had died, it got super logical and cold. I hadn't built enough comfort yet. I should have taken into account that her friends were also her roommates, it would have been easy to grab a drink with them, walk her her home, ask to use the bathroom, ask to see her bedroom and bam, closed.
I didn't really think all that through so well, I was so focused on getting her to another bar that I didn't see the big picture. Good lesson to learn.
One other thing, I notice that I often push girls away from me. That is, I'll close space in order to go for the makeout and girls will subtly back away and sometimes after ten minutes we end up nine feet away from where we started! This is a doozy for me. On one hand I'm doing the right thing with closing space and getting near to her. My increased numbers of makeouts show that I'm on the right track. On the other hand, it's weird when I feel girls slowly backing away. And so I've obviously experimented with not closing space or even with leaning slightly back and trying to draw her in to me. But when I do that the space doesn't get closed and it doesn't get sexual. So this is a thing for me, trying to figure out this interesting aspect of game.
I pushed too hard to get her to leave the lounge with me. She kept saying we should just have a drink there, with my friends and her friends around and a nice atmosphere. Eventually she agreed to leave with me because I'm awesome but it wasn't the best move. As soon as we got out of the club that nice vibe we had died, it got super logical and cold. I hadn't built enough comfort yet. I should have taken into account that her friends were also her roommates, it would have been easy to grab a drink with them, walk her her home, ask to use the bathroom, ask to see her bedroom and bam, closed.
I didn't really think all that through so well, I was so focused on getting her to another bar that I didn't see the big picture. Good lesson to learn.
One other thing, I notice that I often push girls away from me. That is, I'll close space in order to go for the makeout and girls will subtly back away and sometimes after ten minutes we end up nine feet away from where we started! This is a doozy for me. On one hand I'm doing the right thing with closing space and getting near to her. My increased numbers of makeouts show that I'm on the right track. On the other hand, it's weird when I feel girls slowly backing away. And so I've obviously experimented with not closing space or even with leaning slightly back and trying to draw her in to me. But when I do that the space doesn't get closed and it doesn't get sexual. So this is a thing for me, trying to figure out this interesting aspect of game.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
First night out in ten days or so, I was back home for Turkey Day. Hit up the Tuesday spot it was good. On the surface it would appear that I did poorly and the night was write off. Far from it. What actually happened is that I was getting some harsh rejections, guys were pushing me away, guys were getting in my face, girls were telling me they didn't want me there, etc. I felt sad and I wanted to leave, but I didn't. I pushed through that shit and forced myself to not only do more approaches but to do the most difficult ones conceivable. For doing so I consider the night a massive success.
Last set of the night ended up being an awfully cute girl. I repeatedly tried kissing her but she would never reciprocate. I think my eye contact was off and my approach in leaning in for the kiss was weak sauce. Next time I would hold eye contact better and go in with more confidence.
I saw one girl at the bar who was cuter than all the others by a long shot. I told my wingman that I absolutely had to approach her and I did. It was a great approach and she responded very well. Instantly faced me and started playing with her necklace. But there was a chink in my game, I faltered, I got 2% into my head and she instantly could tell. It was over. Her friend took her away. Interestingly, when I first approached I was so confident that her friend asked me if I knew her. I've noticed this happen a few other times when I do a great approach on an especially hot girl. I suspect that 95% of the time when a hot girl gets approached it's super fucking weak and obvious, so when a guy does a confident approach it's odd and the friend assumes we know each other already.
At this moment I feel angry. I want to get back out there, figure out what's wrong and fix it. I'm also acutely aware of how much more challenging cold approach is. Compared to something like meeting a girl in a hostel or a college class. Those environments are much more forgiving. Cold approach is brutal.
Last set of the night ended up being an awfully cute girl. I repeatedly tried kissing her but she would never reciprocate. I think my eye contact was off and my approach in leaning in for the kiss was weak sauce. Next time I would hold eye contact better and go in with more confidence.
I saw one girl at the bar who was cuter than all the others by a long shot. I told my wingman that I absolutely had to approach her and I did. It was a great approach and she responded very well. Instantly faced me and started playing with her necklace. But there was a chink in my game, I faltered, I got 2% into my head and she instantly could tell. It was over. Her friend took her away. Interestingly, when I first approached I was so confident that her friend asked me if I knew her. I've noticed this happen a few other times when I do a great approach on an especially hot girl. I suspect that 95% of the time when a hot girl gets approached it's super fucking weak and obvious, so when a guy does a confident approach it's odd and the friend assumes we know each other already.
At this moment I feel angry. I want to get back out there, figure out what's wrong and fix it. I'm also acutely aware of how much more challenging cold approach is. Compared to something like meeting a girl in a hostel or a college class. Those environments are much more forgiving. Cold approach is brutal.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Went out, pushed myself, did things I was nervous to do, all the usual. Still getting back into it though, haven't completely gotten back my awesome vibe. I talked to a model, she said two words to me. I talked to a very attractive woman last night. She saw a chink in me and the set was over within a minute.
Even all the other girls, I'm not getting laid right now and it sucks. It's true I have zero logistics but I've gotten laid before with zero logistics. If I had to say I'm fucking up one thing, it's tactical planning. Figuring out a way to move the set from the bar to the bedroom. Going for the pull, getting her out of the bar and into the taxi. It's like I lack the belief right now to do that.
This is the first point since the time I started, 18 months ago, that I would seriously consider paying for a bootcamp. It's the first time where I really feel like I'm lost in the woods. Approaching, hooking sets, going for the makeout, keeping the conversation going, etc. All of the fundamentals of pickup are not currently my sticking point. It's transitioning from the bar to the bedroom that is holding me up. It's very frustrating to not see it happening. I have two weeks left in New York, I really want to pull.
Notes
*I talked in an earlier field report about how I sometimes close space with a girl and end up pushing her away. I'm 99% sure this is not good, but I also know that in order to makeout and get physical I do have to breach the barrier at some point. How to do it more effectively though? I'm thinking I need to get into a space where I'm leaning back and drawing her in. Create a vacuum for her to fill.
*My eye contact with the most attractive ladies is not fantastic right now. I think it's perhaps why I missed making out with two cute girls the last two nights. I have to fix this.
*I'm wondering if the reason I'm not pulling is a subtle belief that's sabotaging me. When I moved to my current apartment I said to myself, well, no logistics. Guess you won't be pulling now. I haven't ever really thought about that again but I wonder if it's turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy? I have to believe I can pull otherwise it will never happen.
Even all the other girls, I'm not getting laid right now and it sucks. It's true I have zero logistics but I've gotten laid before with zero logistics. If I had to say I'm fucking up one thing, it's tactical planning. Figuring out a way to move the set from the bar to the bedroom. Going for the pull, getting her out of the bar and into the taxi. It's like I lack the belief right now to do that.
This is the first point since the time I started, 18 months ago, that I would seriously consider paying for a bootcamp. It's the first time where I really feel like I'm lost in the woods. Approaching, hooking sets, going for the makeout, keeping the conversation going, etc. All of the fundamentals of pickup are not currently my sticking point. It's transitioning from the bar to the bedroom that is holding me up. It's very frustrating to not see it happening. I have two weeks left in New York, I really want to pull.
Notes
*I talked in an earlier field report about how I sometimes close space with a girl and end up pushing her away. I'm 99% sure this is not good, but I also know that in order to makeout and get physical I do have to breach the barrier at some point. How to do it more effectively though? I'm thinking I need to get into a space where I'm leaning back and drawing her in. Create a vacuum for her to fill.
*My eye contact with the most attractive ladies is not fantastic right now. I think it's perhaps why I missed making out with two cute girls the last two nights. I have to fix this.
*I'm wondering if the reason I'm not pulling is a subtle belief that's sabotaging me. When I moved to my current apartment I said to myself, well, no logistics. Guess you won't be pulling now. I haven't ever really thought about that again but I wonder if it's turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy? I have to believe I can pull otherwise it will never happen.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Last night I told my boss that I'm leaving New York and moving to Thailand. He didn't seem to care much, as expected. He said I could keep doing some freelance work online. That's great for me, means I'll be able to live off of that and keep my savings. After work was over I celebrated by drinking a bunch of beer and bullshitting with my wingman for 45 minutes at WeWork.
He was feeling sick so he left and I hopped the train back home. I had every intention of leaving Manhattan but fate intervened. We pulled into the station right by all the bars in LES and I couldn't help it. I got off, went out and talked to maybe ten girls. I don't think I accomplished much, I was fairly beer-laden.
Right now I'm in a weird spot. My living situation isn't the best, I'm leaving New York in two weeks so I don't feel fully committed. I'm not on an upwards spiral as they say. But I'm strangely OK with it. I know the work necessary to change and I know that I'm capable of it. I look forward to the future and I look forward to never again repeating the myriad of mistakes I've made in the last 18 months. It's been fucking awesome and I've grown about 700%, but I also have done a lot of things that need never be repeated.
He was feeling sick so he left and I hopped the train back home. I had every intention of leaving Manhattan but fate intervened. We pulled into the station right by all the bars in LES and I couldn't help it. I got off, went out and talked to maybe ten girls. I don't think I accomplished much, I was fairly beer-laden.
Right now I'm in a weird spot. My living situation isn't the best, I'm leaving New York in two weeks so I don't feel fully committed. I'm not on an upwards spiral as they say. But I'm strangely OK with it. I know the work necessary to change and I know that I'm capable of it. I look forward to the future and I look forward to never again repeating the myriad of mistakes I've made in the last 18 months. It's been fucking awesome and I've grown about 700%, but I also have done a lot of things that need never be repeated.
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2017
- Messages
- 144
Damn, last night was new level. I think it's the craziest I've ever been in a club. I was approaching everything, dancing, jumping around, had a bunch of girls staring at me, it was a blast. I brought a tanker's worth of energy to the club. But even in the moment I knew it wasn't effective in terms of pulling a girl. While everything blew open and I talked to 10 or 20 women in a short span of time, most of them probably thought two things.
1. This guy is drunk as fuck and/or on drugs (in fact I was dead sober).
2. This guy is too much for me to handle, I don't even know what to say to him.
So what ended up happening is I approached all of the best sets early in the night with that tornado energy then when I started reapproaching later on, I found a lot of them dismissed me or the friends pulled the girl away. Probably most of them thinking, ewww, you don't want to talk to that super drunk dude.
I did make out with a girl but I hardly even count that as anything. That's just what I expect at this point, it's a normal night. You're best night now is your average night in six months, this dictum seems to ring very true.
Notes
*I started off the night strong by approaching a tall beautiful woman on the street. She was Swiss and it turned into a very good conversation. I think that at the end I could have kissed her. Didn't go for it, perhaps due to fear or lack of belief. But next time I absolutely will. All I can think is about is how I failed to do the right thing, I wouldn't have cared if she reciprocated or not.
*I'm proud that last night I deliberately approached all the cutest girls and stuck in set for as long as they would have me. I can feel myself acting rather strange and incongruent whens he's especially beautiful and I have to overcome this. I will say though, I see progress from even just a few months ago. I'm having longer interactions with the cute ones and things are generally going better. I don't think it's long before I makeout for the first time with a girl where I truly feel like, holy shit, I can't believe that just happened.
1. This guy is drunk as fuck and/or on drugs (in fact I was dead sober).
2. This guy is too much for me to handle, I don't even know what to say to him.
So what ended up happening is I approached all of the best sets early in the night with that tornado energy then when I started reapproaching later on, I found a lot of them dismissed me or the friends pulled the girl away. Probably most of them thinking, ewww, you don't want to talk to that super drunk dude.
I did make out with a girl but I hardly even count that as anything. That's just what I expect at this point, it's a normal night. You're best night now is your average night in six months, this dictum seems to ring very true.
Notes
*I started off the night strong by approaching a tall beautiful woman on the street. She was Swiss and it turned into a very good conversation. I think that at the end I could have kissed her. Didn't go for it, perhaps due to fear or lack of belief. But next time I absolutely will. All I can think is about is how I failed to do the right thing, I wouldn't have cared if she reciprocated or not.
*I'm proud that last night I deliberately approached all the cutest girls and stuck in set for as long as they would have me. I can feel myself acting rather strange and incongruent whens he's especially beautiful and I have to overcome this. I will say though, I see progress from even just a few months ago. I'm having longer interactions with the cute ones and things are generally going better. I don't think it's long before I makeout for the first time with a girl where I truly feel like, holy shit, I can't believe that just happened.