Sexual arousal of women OUTSIDE the bedroom

[Marty]

Here's a question I've wondered about for many years, and I thought perhaps some experienced members of our little community here might be able to give a perspective on it.

When you ask someone what women find sexy, alluring, or arousing, the first answers you usually hear have to do with activities in the bedroom—specifics of sexual technique, what parts of her anatomy to stimulate and how, positions to try, etc. Similar results appear among the websites offered when you put the above as a search term into Google. And, of course, the Girls Chase site has a wealth of information on this subject, some of which I have put into practice in the past, and some of which I have yet to try.

In the case of any particular woman, however, this information is of limited use until you actually get her into the bedroom and start removing her clothes, by which point, frankly, it's a rather academic issue. While not encyclopedic, I like to think that my knowledge of this area from personal experience of relationships with women is comprehensive enough for me to get by, causing adequate satisfaction at the very least. That area, therefore, is out of scope for the purposes of this thread.

What I am much more interested in is what turns women on, sexually, before the bedroom is even in the offing. Allow me to explain.

In past years, ordinary social attunement, intuition, and experience have permitted me to be seen as a decent, likable fellow among women in my social universe and those to whom I am introduced.

More recently, the invaluable advice contained in the articles on the Girls Chase site and in this forum, coupled with constant infield practical work, has allowed me to develop the ability to introduce myself to women in arbitrary and indiscriminate situations, for example in the streets, in a bookstore, or while grocery shopping, and within a few minutes' conversation to be seen as... yep, you guessed it, a decent, likable fellow. Decent enough to go on a date with, sometimes, or even, on occasion, to kiss.

Now what I'd like to do is to take it a step farther.

What can be done—and again I am talking strictly OUTSIDE the realm of the bedroom—to cause actual arousal among women?

What causes arousal among men is pretty obvious. Thin but shapely body, short skirt, hotpants, well-fitting business suit, well-chosen colors of eyeshadow, mascara, blusher and lipstick to match the woman's natural hues and coordinate with her clothing, suitable texture of hose, walk, footwear, facial expressions, behavior, laugh, provocative motions with hips, chest and the rest of it, that funny thing they do with their eyes... you got it. None of this has anything to do with a girl's performance in the bedroom. It's all before the event—anticipatory, if you wish.

Now what can men do?

I hope this question is not too risqué for this forum... frankly, if I can't ask it here, I don't know where it will be welcome

Thank you!

 

[Franco]

Marty,

I think you know the answer to this one Marty... and it's probably the area you need to work on the most: sexual framing.

There are different ways of going about it; Alek Rolstad prefers telling sexual stories to paint himself as a sexual man, and guys like myself, Richard, Tool, and NarrowJ prefer to use sexual innuendos during conversation to get her thinking about sex. I believe Chase uses both techniques depending on the interaction.

However you want to go about it, you absolutely should attempt to incorporate sexuality into your interaction with a girl when you first meet her. I know some guys have used kino to some success, but this isn't really my style. But... maybe it's yours!

You'll need to play around with what techniques work best for you. Remember, when we talk about "every guy having his own way of seducing that suits him," it does not mean you can skip steps that are important to the seduction process. Sexual framing is a large part of what makes this entire seduction process work, so even if you want to have a "Marty-flavored twist" to your seduction style and make it unique to you, it does not mean you can leave out the element of sexuality in the process. It is an important stepping stone to reaching the pot of gold at the end of the road.

So, as I've recommended before, I would start experimenting with inserting different types of sexuality into your interactions with women and see what gets you results. You may not think it's comfortable or suitable to you right now, but when you suddenly have a woman hooked and engaging you in an aggressive, assertive, and sexual manner, you'll suddenly change your mind!

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Franco:

Just to be clear—when you talk about verbal sexuality and innuendo, do you mean naughty jokes and suchlike... I can imagine that's amusing if you're in the mood, but intuitively, it doesn't actually seem very arousing as such, in the way that a woman tossing her hair back or doing that "I can see you!" thing with her eyes is arousing.

I mean, do these sort of comments actually arouse women? Is that why they exist, not for their humorous value? Should I just take your word for it and try cracking a few?

-Marty

 

[trashKENNUT]

Marty,

There's a research that noted. "Women can reach orgasm just by imagination alone." Apparently, i have seen this in a few women, where their face is so totally different. A mix between nervous, exciting and hot.

It takes some high level of fundamentals, and sexual framing for a women to reach that point, i presume.

Zac

 

[Glitch]

sexual framing.

sexual innuendos during conversation to get her thinking about sex.
- Franco

This a thousand times over. As always framing is vital for how people perceive you. Good sexual framing is key when approaching girls in the outside world, they will act on the emotions you generate within them and so getting your frame right will lead to a greater success (Coming from my own experience). When I was experimenting on my social circles how one sees you can change gradually if you come in frequent contact, however this is not an excuse for bad precedence.

With girls in the outside world generating curiousity and sexuality is vital for the approach, the first date is then to confirm if you are the man she imagines you to be.

In my experience delivery can vary.

My bread and butters:

1. Serious and direct followed by direct eye contact sly/boyish grin

2. Playful followed by direct eye contact and a sly/boyish grin

Serious and direct can help when the girl is already isolated, if delivered right can increase sexual tension tenfold.
Playful help with group situations, used against many girls. Helped me disarm the group allowing me to isolate.

Maybe try the innuendos followed by a sly grin. For me I must have picked this up subconsciously as I have a habit of giving direct eye contact and a sly grin to girls if I look up from something I'm doing or using innuendos.

When you nail sexual framing you'll be an unstoppable force Marty. Confidence in your approaching AND sexual framing will boost everything up. You're already above the average man, get sexual framing and you'll be head and shoulders above them.

Get it done Marty!

Glitch

 

[Marty]

Glitch:

Thanks.

When you nail sexual framing you'll be an unstoppable force Marty. Confidence in your approaching AND sexual framing will boost everything up. You're already above the average man, get sexual framing and you'll be head and shoulders above them.

That would be tremendous news, were it not for the fact that, per my comment above, I don't actually understand what it means. Can you give me a sense for it? Maybe some movie or novel somewhere? Or an excerpt from your own conversations?

Appreciate it

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

I mean, do these sort of comments actually arouse women? Is that why they exist, not for their humorous value? Should I just take your word for it and try cracking a few?

I feel like you're imagining me telling me some lame joke about my penis or a distasteful fart joke. I should be clear about what kinds of sexual innuendos I'm talking about. If you want a great example of taking a sexual innuendo out of the context of a serious conversation, you should listen to Daniel Craig's now-rather-famous one from the James Bond movie Casino Royale, here:

• My_Little_Finger.mp3

I hope that gives you an idea of the type of comments I'm referring to. =)

- Franco

 

[NarrowJ]

A lot of great feedback here already. Powerful eye contact is a big one. If you can gaze into a woman's eyes and make her have to go clean out her panties, then you have a pretty strong weapon at your disposal

Anyway, a good combination of all this (touching, eye contact, sex-framing) is like the total package to ramp up sexual tension.

The cherry on top is when you calibrate yourself to the point that you know when to pull away just enough that it makes her chase you. When you have a girl seeking YOUR validation, and trying to impress YOU, that's really the highest form of attraction. And once you have that, it becomes 1000x easier to get her pussy all wet by using touch, eye contact and framing.

When you can stack all of this in a short amount of time, it's very fucking powerful. The workflow to a perfect seduction (in my mind, at least) is basically to open the girl, find a hook point, then start screening and chase-framing her, and then pull back a little after a few IOIs to make her chase you. Then, you can take things more sexual with some light touch, heavy eye contact and sex-talk/innuendo. Before long, she'll be sitting there just waiting and begging for you to get her the hell out of there and go ring her out like a wet mop.


NJ

 

[trashKENNUT]

NJ,

I don't know about touching, man. I seen a few girls without touching (except underarm to tell her something), until game on. The response was crazy. (But just maybe that's how i see it)

Zac

 

[Franco]

Zac,

I don't know about touching, man. I seen a few girls without touching (except underarm to tell her something), until game on. The response was crazy. (But just maybe that's how i see it)

Touching is effective, and even I do very minor touching (such as leading through doorways with my hand on the small of her back). It's certainly better than not using any sexual intention at all. However, I believe at the more advanced levels that you realize touching can actually lose you some interactions because it sends girls into auto-pilot with their responses. As soon as you touch women, they think, "oh, I know where this is going!"

And this can be great IF the girl is very into you, but for girls who are borderline about you, it can cause them to raise their guard a bit. So it's not that touching doesn't work, it's just that I find not touching to be more effective at getting you more women when you've really mastered your eye contact and body language to the point where women are sexually aroused just by your presence.

- Franco

 

[Glitch]

Sorry Marty, went in barrelling through. Looks like I missed a vital part!

Sexual framing... probably the others can explain it in a better detail but here goes nothing!

Framing is how you present yourself.

Personally I'd my opinion, Frame = Overall Presentation + Feelings generated from said presentation:

Voice + Eye Contact + Movement/Posture + Looks/Style/Fashion + Touch (Though take into account Franco's words) + Speech (Regarding innuendos, quips) leading to --> Generate emotions from girl = Frame

Depending how you alter your fundementals you can present yourself differently and alter how girls perceive you. i.e different frames

Polar opposites, Indentifying Strong/Weak Frame (Extreme example):

1. Nasal, non-projected voice + Weak Eye Contact + Timid Movement + Poor Fashion etc. + = Weak frame

This is weak as this presents oneself to be unconfident, unsure of themselves. Therefore a girl is more likely to generate negative connotations towards your self presentation.

2. Well-projected voice + Strong Eye Contact + Graceful, Slow Movement + Good Fashion etc. + Good Smile = Strong Frame

This is strong as it presents oneself as confident, sure, strong and very masculine. So in turn positive connotations towards you are generated.

You ask yourself, I know the difference between Strong/Weak framing and it's what many of us have been creating while reading through GC. Once we establish and create our own strong frame now is the time to vary our frame depending on the situation. Can be applied to business, social calibration but in this case we're going for sexual attraction.

Without a good foundation you cannot reach Tier 1.

With you Marty, from what I have been reading when I was a lurker you have a good foundation to go on but are currently in limbo between Tier 2 and Tier 1.

Changing your Frame:

Think of it as a sound mixer, being a musician I'll use music:

A. For House music you want to enhance the the bass, lower the treble. As party/house music the main attraction are the 'drops' where bass is heavily involved.

B. For Jazz music you want to lower the bass and enhance the treble and midi. This is because you want to hear that sweet sax or guitar and not let the bass overwhelm the piece.

Altering the bass, treble and midi = Fundementals/Frame Components, Voice + Eyes etc. These all can be altered to adapt to the music (girl/situation)

Example, good frame but no sexual attraction vs. good frame AND sexual attraction:

1. Well-projected voice + Strong Eye Contact + Graceful, Slow Movement + Good Fashion etc. + Good smile = Strong Frame

If you use these fundementals. You establish yourself as a strong confident male HOWEVER when it comes to generating sexual attraction very little will actually be established. With no or little sexual attraction you come across as a strong, confident man, nothing else. NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION GENERATED.

WHY? : This is because generating feelings such as sexual attraction depends on HOW EACH COMPONENT IS VARIED.

2. Low, sexy BUT well projected voice + Strong Eye Contact w/ hard edgy looks + Graceful, Slow Movement BUT with confident attiude + Use of sexual innuendos + Good Smile, USING sly/boyish grin = More Sexual Frame than 2.

It all depends on how you vary your components that make your frame.

With Franco talking about:

Using sexual innuendos = Context/Speech is layered with sexual connotations
Strong Eye Contact/Bedroom Eyes = Eye contact associated with sex

These are examples how the components are varied which heavily emphasis and underline your sexual nature. This is kind of a weird phenomenon, if you enhance your components to sexual it will create an underlining sexual nature with girls you interact with but it will also act as a neon sign that says 'I am a sexual man, you better believe it'

Framing can make your underlying nature subtle AND evident at the same time. (This goal being creating a sexual nature)

This can also be used to have a commanding, inspiring etc. frame too.

I'd say think how can you enhance your components to emphasis sex.

Eye contact? Use more bedroom eyes, classic look up w/ hard stare
Smile? Sly grin with raised eyebrow
Context? Implied sexual innuendos
Touch? Slow and deliberate
Mindset? I AM A SEXY MAN. WHAT DO I WANT TO DO? YOU.

Hope this might help with generating an explanation,

Glitch

 

[NarrowJ]

On touching girls:

I see a lot of guys who are really successful using touch, and I've also noticed quite a lot of others who don't use it at all. I think it falls to congruency.

I've been reading Robert Greene's "The Art of Seduction" and he outlines 9 different types of seducers. He informs the reader that he should identify the one that is most like himself, and strive to learn that style of seduction (because it works with your actual personality). I've also seen Chase suggest taking on a movie star or other famous person as someone to model yourself after. Pick one that meshes well with your personality, and absorb all you can about them. It's all about becoming a better version of yourself, right?

Article on Robert Greene's 9 Types of Seducers

I'd guess the warmer characters such as the "Ideal Lover" or the "Natural" or the "Charmer" would be better served to use more touch than the more Byronic or unpredictable types like the "Rake" or the "Dandy".

Sometimes though, part of me also sort of finds it hard to believe that a guy goes out on a 90-minute date with a girl and doesn't touch her at all. You don't touch her arm lightly as you tell her something funny? Place your hand on her back as you walk inside a venue? Hold her hand out to inspect a piece of jewelry? I did things like this before even learning pickup, but then again, it's just something I do. It's my personality.

Sexual touching is better left for your seduction location, however. Once you do that in public, it triggers her "Oh, I know where THIS is going!" response that Franco was talking about. Non-sexual touch (you don't just go and throw your hand down on a girl's leg in a public place... well, not usually) should instead have a more subliminal effect, to make her subconsciously associate you touching her with good feelings, make her crave your touch later, and it works as a compliance test as well.

I love it when I'm sitting next to a girl at the bar, and I place my hand on her back for a couple of seconds and feel her body shiver, and then watch her eyes melt into me as I take away that good feeling, increasing the tension and leaving her wanting more.

So I don't think it's a black and white issue of touch or no touch. It works for some guys, and other guys maybe isn't their style, and then probably even more guys who do it without really noticing it (like I used to).


NJ

 

[trashKENNUT]

Franco,

Touching is effective, and even I do very minor touching (such as leading through doorways with my hand on the small of her back). It's certainly better than not using any sexual intention at all. However, I believe at the more advanced levels that you realize touching can actually lose you some interactions because it sends girls into auto-pilot with their responses. As soon as you touch women, they think, "oh, I know where this is going!"

And this can be great IF the girl is very into you, but for girls who are borderline about you, it can cause them to raise their guard a bit. So it's not that touching doesn't work, it's just that I find not touching to be more effective at getting you more women when you've really mastered your eye contact and body language to the point where women are sexually aroused just by your presence.

Exactly what happened to me.

For the Girls who are not so into me?, It's really half, half for me. Half of girls raise their guard a bit when they see me. Half of girls doesn't seem to be put off. i wonder why.

NJ,

Sometimes though, part of me also sort of finds it hard to believe that a guy goes out on a 90-minute date with a girl and doesn't touch her at all. You don't touch her arm lightly as you tell her something funny? Place your hand on her back as you walk inside a venue? Hold her hand out to inspect a piece of jewelry? I did things like this before even learning pickup, but then again, it's just something I do. It's my personality.

I don't, i never touch. I do touch on dates, I realize i don't touch when it's unnecessary. Probably 1 to 3 times, But i found something powerful in that, if you do not touch a girl long during a date, She gets annoyed, because she's horny now.

So that itself is something i found.

Zac

 

[Franco]

NJ,

Sometimes though, part of me also sort of finds it hard to believe that a guy goes out on a 90-minute date with a girl and doesn't touch her at all. You don't touch her arm lightly as you tell her something funny? Place your hand on her back as you walk inside a venue? Hold her hand out to inspect a piece of jewelry? I did things like this before even learning pickup, but then again, it's just something I do. It's my personality.

I don't really make contact with her much at all when we're sitting down. I might grab her hand to see jewelry, but that would probably be about it to be honest. Other than that, I just give very intense, bedroom-style eye contact (with a sly smirk constantly on my face of course). I usually look away and smile for a moment if something funny is said or if I want to make her feel like I understand exactly what she's talking about (which also gives her a small break from the eye contact so that it isn't too intimidating or "forced").

But then, maybe that's just my personality, too! =)

Zac,

I don't, i never touch. I do touch on dates, I realize i don't touch when it's unnecessary. Probably 1 to 3 times, But i found something powerful in that, if you do not touch a girl long during a date, She gets annoyed, because she's horny now.

I bolded that last part because it's actually quite true, assuming you're body language has been very sexual from the start. If she views you as a very sexy, suave guy... she'll be itching to touch you by the end of the date -- which is exactly when you want the girl to start getting physical with you!

- Franco

 

[trashKENNUT]

Franco,

I bolded that last part because it's actually quite true, assuming you're body language has been very sexual from the start. If she views you as a very sexy, suave guy... she'll be itching to touch you by the end of the date -- which is exactly when you want the girl to start getting physical with you!

Yea, to think about it, i never really do much. It's really mind boggling sometimes. Anyway in case, i find this done by Brad Pitt is suave if you too intimidating.

Meet Joe Black, Movie Clip - Because I like you so much (Starts at 0:30)

p.s Marty, you might like to role model yourself after Joe Black!

Zac

 

[NarrowJ]

Probably 1 to 3 times, But i found something powerful in that, if you do not touch a girl long during a date, She gets annoyed, because she's horny now.

Touching is effective, and even I do very minor touching (such as leading through doorways with my hand on the small of her back).

I might grab her hand to see jewelry, but that would probably be about it to be honest.

I honestly don't touch a girl any more than this, either (I don't think, anyway). All the many articles on the site that teach you how to use touch seem to say that while you should use touch, you should do it sparingly for the exact reason that you guys mention - to create tension and make her anticipate and crave it more. And, I don't know why, but the PUA term "kino" just makes me envision some dude in a sailor hat with a digital clock around his neck groping some bimbo in a night club. Haha.


NJ

 

[trashKENNUT]

NJ,

ll the many articles on the site that teach you how to use touch seem to say that while you should use touch, you should do it sparingly for the exact reason that you guys mention - to create tension and make her anticipate and crave it more. And, I don't know why, but the PUA term "kino" just makes me envision some dude in a sailor hat with a digital clock around his neck groping some bimbo in a night club. Haha.

Probably handcuff her will be a better option. Have a chain around her neck, drag her across the room, while she walks in four legs.

Zac

 

[Mr. oblivious]

a good combination of all this (touching, eye contact, sex-framing) is like the total package to ramp up sexual tension.

Looks like i have a lot of work to do cause all 3 of those i would say are my greatest weak points although i think i have improved the eye contact a lot



by the way Franco

• My_Little_Finger.mp3

the link does not work

 

[Franco]

And, I don't know why, but the PUA term "kino" just makes me envision some dude in a sailor hat with a digital clock around his neck groping some bimbo in a night club. Haha.

Probably handcuff her will be a better option. Have a chain around her neck, drag her across the room, while she walks in four legs.

Hahahaha. But both of these made me LOL when I read them!

by the way Franco

the link does not work

Fixed. Although I'm pretty sure it was working yesterday... the webmaster may have changed the link to it after having repeated hits on it. So if it happens again, you know why. =)

- Franco

 

[Glitch]

Well if you want to make a girl hot by touch alone, you can always set your hands on fire.

Back on topic aren't we forgetting something? Like helping Marty hone in on his sexual framing.

To be honest though looking through the interactions, the type of witty posting is also something to be emulated in your conversational skills.

Probably handcuff her will be a better option. Have a chain around her neck, drag her across the room, while she walks in four legs.

Example of playful with direct sexual connotation right there! Something along the lines of this can be incorporated into the conversation, mixing it up with degrees a subtle or direct.

Glitch