First off, thanks for this unexpected and thought-provoking post. You've definitely put forth some interesting points, although I think you don't fully understand my perspective.
And this post came at a very interesting point in my life, specifically a key point where I'm getting off the ground after narrowly avoiding a collapse.
Your Gospel of Chaos (in the alignment sense popularized by D&D) has a place, but I think there needs to be a balance.
Who said anything about curbing it?
Of course I need outlets, including sexual ones, or I will eventually go literally insane.
But simply letting go is easier said than done.
First of all, I currently live under quite cramped and limiting physical and emotional conditions. With parents and siblings who are very out of touch with the realities of the human spirit, not because of religion or anything but for psychological and other reasons.
Dealing with that first is more important than any other goal. Including getting girls.
I also am not the most stable person emotionally. So I think it's important to build a solid framework to work with. Otherwise I won't get anywhere.
And I'm not super worried about being called to account, now or hereafter, for going through a thoroughly necessary wild-oats phase. However, that doesn't mean that, for instance, I should bed a married mentor or colleague. Which, based on...certain specific recent experiences, could plausibly happen at some point.
For me it's not so much about a nebulous future heaven (which I do believe in but don't give much thought to) as
the life I'm trying to build for myself and the accomplishments that I hope will result from it.
Achievements, especially lasting ones, usually come through discipline. The raw power of one's spirit and mind must be harnessed to achieve goals.
For a well-known extreme example, Alexander the Great (who, among other incidents, burned down Persepolis during a night of partying because his drinking pal's courtesan asked him to) only achieved the things he did (
briefly and ephemerally)
because of the impressive political, administrative, and military machine built up by his (very disciplined and utterly badass) father, Philip II.
The story of the past several months of my life is the story of steady progress toward my goals.
Read it just now
I've known that for a while. All in good time
I couldn't agree more.
Actually it goes a lot further than that. I tend to apply stricter standards to myself.
Part of the reason I'm here is that I don't live in a situation where I can fully live out my practical, philosophical, and spiritual ideals. That is the end goal.
I have less of that than you do, but the limitations of the past 20 years of my life (esp the past 9 of them) were a mild chronic trauma.
There are risks. Both internal and external.
I also see myself as a person whose actions matter in the larger scheme of things. Even if they're not that noticeable, the world is the ultimate chaotic system and we all know about the butterfly effect.
I take academics seriously because I want to and because I get more out of it than most people do. I'm not a conventional model student, although I definitely fit better into the college milieu than grade school.
It may be true that, as I've heard people say, most men in today's America are better off with two years or less of college, but I think if you're going to go further than that, you might as well commit to it and go all the way.
I agree but...first things first.
This is a complicated topic you've touched on. Let's save it for later.
My campus doesn't have grad students, but the big-name one where I sometimes go to study (and approach) does. From the small number of very interesting interactions I've had, I haven't even scratched the surface of what's possible with them. All in due time
Only recently have I begun to understand how girls and women of various ages and backgrounds think about sex. And I hear you
Probably my single biggest Unique Selling Point
Understood
Given that I started from nil, I've made a lot of progress and am poised to make more once I get back into things next week. Things that seem to happen quickly (like orgasms
usually result from a slow buildup.
Easier said than done but I'm getting somewhere.
Two things I'm pretty deficient in for now
...
Can u elaborate?
I hear you.
