The Game Of Relationships Is Won In The Nuances

[PaulieFlyn10]

This will be a LONG thread. And for reasons you're about to find out.

In this thread, my goal was to give a future perspective as to where the seduction/manospher/pick up community is headed. More and more guys will look more for relationships than pick up. In the last 4 years, I've seen more guys in my social circle fall into relationships more than ever. This shift creates an opportunity, not just in marketing and coaching but in how guys see relationships.

The thing with relationships is that it is EXTREMELY nuanced and time consuming. This thread is to give guys a heads up on what to expect. These are from my experiences, those of guys around me, and from GC. If you've been in relationships 4 years and above, your opinions will be highly valued. (@POB @Skills ). If you havent but you have something interesting to say then by all means do so.

Before i get into some of the nuances, let's look at possible reasons why many guys are falling into relationships


WHY ARE MORE GUYS GETTING INTO RELATIONSHIPS

Many reasons can be attributed to this. But I've boiled things down to three things: 1) Guys getting older and wanting to leave the pick up lifestyle. Pretty self explanatory. As guys get older, the urge to calm things down a bit increases. 2) Guys wanting to be around women they actually like. Most guys have a type. And are more eager to have FBs, GFs & Wives that fit into their preferred archetype and taste. I've had many guys complain how they can't stand being around girls they don't like even if they're fucking them. 3) Guys unknowingly falling for Gf frames. Lots of guys are unaware how girls set frames very early and in subtle ways that positions the vibe towards relationships. This article by @Chase is a good primer into this. And then this by Drexel scott



NUANCES! NUANCES!!

This will be an extensive list on various pitfalls, situations, obstacles etc many men face in relationships. Some will simply be me asking questions on them as a way to draw attention. While others will be me giving commentary and offering my perspective.



>>>>> The 2 Year Drop

When it comes to relationships, very few concepts are as accurate as this. Chase wrote about it here. In summary, the 2 year drop is a concept that feelings and emotions tend to fade within two years. And it came as no surprise when ALL but one of the relationships in my social circle end ed within 2 years. In fact, this is so common, it should be talked about more. Most guys are completely clueless and will often blame a host of things as to why these things happen

So my question, what are your best ways to maintain that spark and mitigate the 2 year drop. And what are the biggest reasons that cause the 2 year drop to happen(from a more nuanced and practical perspective)


>>>>>> Jealousy Games 1 (When you are both out together)

By far the biggest nuanced challenges men face in relationships is around jealousy. When guys meet me for advice jealousy is a recurring issue. This first type is when you guys are both out together. She's either talking with an uber driver, talking with a waiter. Let's say she runs into an old male friend or even an ex.' Or even guys trying hit on her or flirt with her. Take note, this girl is ALREADY your main girl.

How do you respond? Act unaffected at all times? Or call it out? I was watching a red pill video where the guy shared an experience with his gf. They were having dinner and she was checking out a guy. He then told her "You can go join him if you want'' Do you agree with an approach like that or would you handle things differently.

Also, do these jealousy games ever stop? My belief is that they don't. But I read an article on Gc that talked about how you can remove jealousy games from your woman. But I reckon if she's hot, these games never stop. Maybe they reduce but never truly go away. what do you think?


>>>>>> Jealousy Games 2 (When She's Out by herself)

If you date a hot woman, guaranteed guys will hit on her when you're not around. This particular scenario came from his now ex. During their relationship, she went for a wedding. And of course, guys were flirting and talking with her. Of course, she's not a fool and knows what's up. She told him about her experience (probably in a bid to make him jealous too) and while she was talking he was waiting for the moment she told those guys "I have a boyfriend" That moment never came. She didnt tell them. And he got offended and made a big deal out of it.

She then proceeded to defend herself saying she was talking to them to learn new things and the whole bf thing might scare them of.

So my question, what is acceptable behaviour for when you're not present. Should she give out numbers? Is her not mentioning her bf an issue? MANY guys i've talked to see giving out numbers, entertaining guys especially without mentioning she has a bf as unacceptable. What are your thoughts



>>>>>> Influence OF friends & Family

How big of an influence is family and friends? and how would you handle situations where her friends are clearly bad for her and the relationship. For example, she having friends that are huge party girls or serial cheaters. Or she having friends that give her bad advice or probably dont like you


>>>>>> Giving Money To Your Woman

What's your take on giving your woman an agreed amount of money every month. Either as a housewife or workwife


>>>>>> Life Goals

How do you handle changes in life goals either from your end or hers


>>>>>Behavioral shaping

What frames and behaviours do you shape or create to make a woman more devoted/loyal. And HOW do you typically do this


>>>>> When she says "No sex"

Top 3 complaint i get from my married friends: 'my wife has changed. We barely have sex any more" How would you handle a situation where your girl or wife denies sex. and what do you think are the main causes of this.



>>>> Living Together

What are your best advice/tips for couples living together? potential issues? etc


>>>> Her Boss Vs You

Your girl or wife used to stay at home. But now she has a career and wants to start work. How do you handle situations where what you want her to do goes against what her boss wants. Say for example, you want her early by 4 and the boss wants her to work a bit late to meet certain quotas. How do you maintain your stance? or are their instances where it's okay for her to do what the boss says.

Another variation, how do you handle issues of sexual advances from your girl's superiors. Either when she brings them up to you or when you notice them. Also, if she never brings them up to you but you happen to find out, do you hold it against her as a fault



>>>>> Single Girl Behaviour

In this great article @Karea Ricardus D. talks about single girl behaviours girls might do while in a relationship. One of which is having really close guy friends, sleeping over at a guy's house. i Have seen SO MANY guys with these issues. Now, we'll assume nothing happened. But these are just some of the few i've seen:


gf goes out with a male friend then sleeps in his house but a different room. gf surrounds herself with guy friends and goes out with them. gf goes out partying etc

How do you get her to stop behaviours like these and other variations. Also how do you handle her pushbacks like: "nothing will happen. you're being insecure" OR "I've known these guys before you. I can't just cut them off"

Another thing, at what point/stage in the relationship is it right to get her to limit or completely cut off male friendships or other single girl behaviours



>>>>> Her Ex Reaching Out

One of my friends is in talking stages with a new girl. She told him her ex that left her reached out to her and wants to get back. He's apologizing and letting her know that he's changed.

In his previous relationship, he told his gf to block him and she made excuses for the ex. Now, i told him that he should tell he wont force her or tell what to do as they're both adults but he should also subtly let her know he doesnt take girls seriously that keep in contact with their exes. What do you think about it? And how do you respond when she attempts to manipulate you when you havent reached out in a while: "You're using what i told you about my ex to avoid me"

How would you handle such situations.


>>>>> Ignorance or Malice??

In this movie scene, Sonny's advice is funny and eye opening. Basically he tells a kid about a door test: If you open the door for a woman to get in and she doesn't reach over to your door and lift up the button so you can get in then you dump her cause she's selfish.

In today's world different men and cultures have their own versions of the door test. Certain things they just look and observe to know if a girl is a candidate for a LTR. However i've noticed a lot of young girls are socially akward & inexperienced. I've had girls search for things like: How do you know a guy likes you OR "what does it mean when he says this

So my question is, in a situation she fails your own version of a door test how do you decided it's simply her being ignorant or she's actually a walking red flag


>>>>> Speed of sex

One of by biggest motivations for fast sex was that in one of Chase oldest articles he mentioned that a girl fucking you fast (first date, SDL) most times meant she really liked you and would mean your relationship would be better.

However, in recent years, he changed his stance on that. To him, he has seen good relationships even when the sex didnt happen fast. Because of this, fast sex while still important isnt such a big factor as he initially thought


what are your thoughts?


>>>>>Contact her every day??

How often is required to call or text an LTR


>>>>> Ï need space


when you hear this either in a relationship, what caused this and how would you typically respond



So yeah, these are few nuanced situations ive noticed come up in various relationships. Thanks for reading this far

 

[Adventurer]

Kj because I never had a long relationship but I'm also interested in those topics

My understanding is that she has to know you can replace her at any moment and use it as deterrent to prevent any bullshit, until you have kids with her and she has something else to do than stir up drama

I'm JM from Discord btw, we talked there

 

[Chase]

@PaulieFlyn10,

Neat post! I'll respond to some of these. Will try to be brief; you have many questions here.

In this thread, my goal was to give a future perspective as to where the seduction/manospher/pick up community is headed. More and more guys will look more for relationships than pick up. In the last 4 years, I've seen more guys in my social circle fall into relationships more than ever. This shift creates an opportunity, not just in marketing and coaching but in how guys see relationships.

Part of this is age. No matter what generation of seducers you are in, your friends/generation is going to progressively settle down as they age. The perception will be that "everyone is getting into committed relationships / getting married / starting families." Every generation goes through this though.

The real question (that is still unclear to me) is, "Do 20-something men today want committed relationships more than they did when I was a 20-something?"

So my question, what are your best ways to maintain that spark and mitigate the 2 year drop. And what are the biggest reasons that cause the 2 year drop to happen(from a more nuanced and practical perspective)

There are personality differences between girls. Also, younger girls will sometimes be fine to hang around longer than 2 years because they're under less time pressure. Girls who feel VERY strongly that their guy is "on the cusp" and may be willing to commit with a bit more time can push things out to 3 or sometimes 4 years. You can extend things by moving in (often extends the 2 years to 4 years) or getting engaged (similar 2-year extension).

Marriage without babies offers a variable extension, depending on how badly the girl wants to reproduce. Anywhere from a 2- to 5-year extension without children.

Having a baby together is the "lifetime extension."

Any of these can be blown up by the guy dramatically changing (becomes depressed, long-term unemployed) or dramatically reducing his investment in the relationship (starts cheating with abandon and neglecting the woman). At that point "extensions" are irrelevant.

>>>>>> Jealousy Games 1 (When you are both out together)

By far the biggest nuanced challenges men face in relationships is around jealousy. When guys meet me for advice jealousy is a recurring issue. This first type is when you guys are both out together. She's either talking with an uber driver, talking with a waiter. Let's say she runs into an old male friend or even an ex.' Or even guys trying hit on her or flirt with her. Take note, this girl is ALREADY your main girl.

How do you respond? Act unaffected at all times? Or call it out? I was watching a red pill video where the guy shared an experience with his gf. They were having dinner and she was checking out a guy. He then told her "You can go join him if you want'' Do you agree with an approach like that or would you handle things differently.

Depends. Are you with a girl who actively tries to make you jealous? Or is she just polite with these guys? You need to treat those two very differently.

I will playfully joke with girls when they check out other guys or comment on them, personally. e.g., if a chick I am with is like, "Wow, that guy is very handsome! And rich, too! Wow, he's perfect!"

I will just be like, "Finally, we've found someone who can take you off my hands!"

Of course that is with a healthy relationship dynamic where I know she is joking around and she knows I am joking around.

In a fucked up relationship dynamic the chick may escalate and respond to you making a remark like this by going over to flirt with the guy & really try to bring out your jealous rage. IMO you simply should not be with this kind of woman or in this kind of fucked up relationship at all... but many guys are.

Also, do these jealousy games ever stop? My belief is that they don't.

Nah. But if the dynamic is healthy they are just little tests, like anything.

>>>>>> Jealousy Games 2 (When She's Out by herself)

If you date a hot woman, guaranteed guys will hit on her when you're not around. This particular scenario came from his now ex. During their relationship, she went for a wedding. And of course, guys were flirting and talking with her. Of course, she's not a fool and knows what's up. She told him about her experience (probably in a bid to make him jealous too) and while she was talking he was waiting for the moment she told those guys "I have a boyfriend" That moment never came. She didnt tell them. And he got offended and made a big deal out of it.

She then proceeded to defend herself saying she was talking to them to learn new things and the whole bf thing might scare them of.

So my question, what is acceptable behaviour for when you're not present. Should she give out numbers? Is her not mentioning her bf an issue? MANY guys i've talked to see giving out numbers, entertaining guys especially without mentioning she has a bf as unacceptable. What are your thoughts

If the relationship is healthy she will typically tell you about any substantial interactions she had.

You can just nod knowingly or give a basic response ("Sounds like you were Miss Popular today!" if she had a couple of dudes hit on her, for instance).

She doesn't need to mention having a boyfriend unless guys are being pushy or not taking hints. "I have a boyfriend" is the defense for guys who aren't following her cues.

As for giving out her number... sometimes young/dumb chicks do this just to get guys away.

You may need to train them to not give out their numbers if you don't want a bunch of random dudes hitting on them trying to get in their pants.

Also: the less stable the relationship is for her, the more likely she is to want to cultivate backup options. So to some extent this will depend on relationship stability.

>>>>>> Influence OF friends & Family

How big of an influence is family and friends? and how would you handle situations where her friends are clearly bad for her and the relationship. For example, she having friends that are huge party girls or serial cheaters. Or she having friends that give her bad advice or probably dont like you

Slut friends are a pretty big dealbreaker for me.

It's not an absolute. I have known girls who stayed loyal to their guys despite slut friends constantly pushing them to cheat.

But it is an added wildcard you really do not need in a relationship.

A girl who is committed and not a slut will typically distance herself from slut friends as the relationship progresses.

If she does not, you should take that as a sign that she is more aligned with them than you thought.

>>>>>> Giving Money To Your Woman

What's your take on giving your woman an agreed amount of money every month. Either as a housewife or workwife

Yeah, if she's a housewife set up an account and put a certain amount of money in it based on however many expenses she's managing.

I assume you're using 'workwife' to mean 'wife who had a job' (and not what the word actually means, which is 'woman you work with whom you are close to / flirt with, but who is not your girlfriend or wife'). If she's working, just have a joint account you both contribute to and pay bills from.

If she's working, her disposable income comes from her job.

>>>>>> Life Goals

How do you handle changes in life goals either from your end or hers

What's the change?

>>>>>Behavioral shaping

What frames and behaviours do you shape or create to make a woman more devoted/loyal. And HOW do you typically do this

Politeness. Manners. Compliance. Orderliness. Preparing certain things for you the way you like them. Sexual initiative. Exercise. Staying in shape. Dressing well / grooming.

Tell her what you want. Use operant conditioning to reinforce.

>>>>> When she says "No sex"

Top 3 complaint i get from my married friends: 'my wife has changed. We barely have sex any more" How would you handle a situation where your girl or wife denies sex. and what do you think are the main causes of this.

How to Never Have a Sexless Relationship (the Sex Trump Card)

Over the years I've seen friends go through relationships where after a while their woman stops having sex with them. When it happens, the guy is shaken; his self-esteem slides hard. When a man needs something, and is denied it by the woman he thought was there to be his partner for that thing...

www.girlschase.com

>>>> Living Together

What are your best advice/tips for couples living together? potential issues? etc

Make sure you have a space that is your space (den, office, etc.).

She is still going to try to invade it as much as possible, so you are just going to need to enforce the borders like she's an illegal Mexican trying to swim across the Rio Grande.

Figure out if one or both of you is a "needs space to cool down" type. If so, the other or both need to learn to respect that when things get heated, otherwise everything just keeps escalating.

Having separate bedrooms helps with sex life IMO. Every time she sneaks over to yours it's more exciting for her. Sleeping in the same bed with you nightly is less of a 'routine'.

If one of you is a lot messier than the other you are going to have fights and annoyances over that. You will have to figure out how to deal with it.

>>>> Her Boss Vs You

Your girl or wife used to stay at home. But now she has a career and wants to start work. How do you handle situations where what you want her to do goes against what her boss wants. Say for example, you want her early by 4 and the boss wants her to work a bit late to meet certain quotas. How do you maintain your stance? or are their instances where it's okay for her to do what the boss says.

Another variation, how do you handle issues of sexual advances from your girl's superiors. Either when she brings them up to you or when you notice them. Also, if she never brings them up to you but you happen to find out, do you hold it against her as a fault

Better IMO to help her start her own business or get her doing something where she's more independent.

Real estate agent, freelance graphic designer, etc.

Once she has a job the job owns her time. You just get her when she's free.

Never had a gal deal with advances from a superior while I was with her so I can't say for sure there. Guess it depends whether she knows how to handle it, how aggressive/persistent the dude is, etc.

I had a GF who told me about her time as a university instructor when her boss brought her into this office and put the moves on her. She slapped him off her then threatened to report him to the university. He begged her not to; she stated her terms to not report him and spent the rest of her time at the university collecting her full salary without having to do any more teaching, lol.

>>>>> Single Girl Behaviour

In this great article @Karea Ricardus D. talks about single girl behaviours girls might do while in a relationship. One of which is having really close guy friends, sleeping over at a guy's house. i Have seen SO MANY guys with these issues. Now, we'll assume nothing happened. But these are just some of the few i've seen:


gf goes out with a male friend then sleeps in his house but a different room. gf surrounds herself with guy friends and goes out with them. gf goes out partying etc

How do you get her to stop behaviours like these and other variations. Also how do you handle her pushbacks like: "nothing will happen. you're being insecure" OR "I've known these guys before you. I can't just cut them off"

Another thing, at what point/stage in the relationship is it right to get her to limit or completely cut off male friendships or other single girl behaviours

What level of relationship?

Girls will keep orbiters around when it's early/unstable.

Here's the simplest way I have found to get her to knock it off:

YOU: Oh, I see, you're going out with that guy. That's cool. I'll probably just call XYZ girl and see if she wants to do something.

GIRL: ????!!! What no!!! Don't go out with her! What if you cheat!

YOU: What do you mean? You're going with him. I'm just going to go with her.

GIRL: But that's different! You're a guy!

YOU: What is that guy you're going out with? Has he had his balls removed?

GIRL: No but you're you!

YOU: Men are all the same.

As soon as you call their bluff and are going to start bringing girls in and doing the same stuff with girls that they are doing with guys, if they want to keep you they stop it super quick.

>>>>> Her Ex Reaching Out

One of my friends is in talking stages with a new girl. She told him her ex that left her reached out to her and wants to get back. He's apologizing and letting her know that he's changed.

I had a chick tell me about this once.

Exact same situation. Fiancé cheated on her, they broke up, 4 years later he reached out apologizing saying he felt so bad and asking where she was in life and if she's gotten married yet.

I was just like "Seems like his other options haven't worked out and he's decided you're the best he's going to get."

We were on-again, off-again and she mulled responding to him. Actually asked me what she should do.

I was like, "I dunno. Sounds like he's settling for you. I'd rather just find someone else personally. But do whatever you want to do."

She ended up not responding to him (and in the end married a really great guy. Great match for her).

In his previous relationship, he told his gf to block him and she made excuses for the ex. Now, i told him that he should tell he wont force her or tell what to do as they're both adults but he should also subtly let her know he doesnt take girls seriously that keep in contact with their exes. What do you think about it?

Sounds good to me.

And how do you respond when she attempts to manipulate you when you havent reached out in a while: "You're using what i told you about my ex to avoid me"

How would you handle such situations.

Why did the guy not reach out for a while? Had they broken up or something?

>>>>> Ignorance or Malice??

In this movie scene, Sonny's advice is funny and eye opening. Basically he tells a kid about a door test: If you open the door for a woman to get in and she doesn't reach over to your door and lift up the button so you can get in then you dump her cause she's selfish.

In today's world different men and cultures have their own versions of the door test. Certain things they just look and observe to know if a girl is a candidate for a LTR. However i've noticed a lot of young girls are socially akward & inexperienced. I've had girls search for things like: How do you know a guy likes you OR "what does it mean when he says this

So my question is, in a situation she fails your own version of a door test how do you decided it's simply her being ignorant or she's actually a walking red flag

Depends how old she is.

If you're going for older chicks, they should know etiquette more.

If she's young, just assume she's ignorant and train her.

Most women don't receive etiquette training in school or from their mothers or older sisters nowadays.

>>>>> Speed of sex

One of by biggest motivations for fast sex was that in one of Chase oldest articles he mentioned that a girl fucking you fast (first date, SDL) most times meant she really liked you and would mean your relationship would be better.

However, in recent years, he changed his stance on that. To him, he has seen good relationships even when the sex didnt happen fast. Because of this, fast sex while still important isnt such a big factor as he initially thought


what are your thoughts?

For anyone who hasn't read the article:

How Does 'Time to Bed' Affect Female Devotion?

If you bed a girl fast, will she be more devoted to you down the road? Or… should you give her a lengthier seduction with a juicy emotional buildup? Commenting on my article “How to Let a Girl Go”, reader Walter said These women are just settling for you if you keep being persistent. Have you...

www.girlschase.com

>>>>>Contact her every day??

How often is required to call or text an LTR

There's an argument that can be made for daily.

If you want to keep some distance it's better to have a few days off.

Of course don't be evasive if she contacts you first.

>>>>> Ï need space


when you hear this either in a relationship, what caused this and how would you typically respond

How much space are we talking here?

She needs a few hours to process what happened / what you talked about?

Or she wants a "break"?

If a few hours: she's just a personality type that needs calm and tranquility to process new ideas/perspectives. Give her her space, then talk when she's ready.

If she wants a multi-week break to go experience other dudes then decide if she would rather you or one of them:

Nah.

Tell her all sales are final.

She can have the break if she wants.

But after that if she wants the relationship, it will have to be with someone else.

So yeah, these are few nuanced situations ive noticed come up in various relationships. Thanks for reading this far

Again, good questions!

Chase

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

@PaulieFlyn10,

Neat post! I'll respond to some of these. Will try to be brief; you have many questions here.



Part of this is age. No matter what generation of seducers you are in, your friends/generation is going to progressively settle down as they age. The perception will be that "everyone is getting into committed relationships / getting married / starting families." Every generation goes through this though.

The real question (that is still unclear to me) is, "Do 20-something men today want committed relationships more than they did when I was a 20-something?"



There are personality differences between girls. Also, younger girls will sometimes be fine to hang around longer than 2 years because they're under less time pressure. Girls who feel VERY strongly that their guy is "on the cusp" and may be willing to commit with a bit more time can push things out to 3 or sometimes 4 years. You can extend things by moving in (often extends the 2 years to 4 years) or getting engaged (similar 2-year extension).

Marriage without babies offers a variable extension, depending on how badly the girl wants to reproduce. Anywhere from a 2- to 5-year extension without children.

Having a baby together is the "lifetime extension."

Any of these can be blown up by the guy dramatically changing (becomes depressed, long-term unemployed) or dramatically reducing his investment in the relationship (starts cheating with abandon and neglecting the woman). At that point "extensions" are irrelevant.



Depends. Are you with a girl who actively tries to make you jealous? Or is she just polite with these guys? You need to treat those two very differently.

I will playfully joke with girls when they check out other guys or comment on them, personally. e.g., if a chick I am with is like, "Wow, that guy is very handsome! And rich, too! Wow, he's perfect!"

I will just be like, "Finally, we've found someone who can take you off my hands!"

Of course that is with a healthy relationship dynamic where I know she is joking around and she knows I am joking around.

In a fucked up relationship dynamic the chick may escalate and respond to you making a remark like this by going over to flirt with the guy & really try to bring out your jealous rage. IMO you simply should not be with this kind of woman or in this kind of fucked up relationship at all... but many guys are.



Nah. But if the dynamic is healthy they are just little tests, like anything.



If the relationship is healthy she will typically tell you about any substantial interactions she had.

You can just nod knowingly or give a basic response ("Sounds like you were Miss Popular today!" if she had a couple of dudes hit on her, for instance).

She doesn't need to mention having a boyfriend unless guys are being pushy or not taking hints. "I have a boyfriend" is the defense for guys who aren't following her cues.

As for giving out her number... sometimes young/dumb chicks do this just to get guys away.

You may need to train them to not give out their numbers if you don't want a bunch of random dudes hitting on them trying to get in their pants.

Also: the less stable the relationship is for her, the more likely she is to want to cultivate backup options. So to some extent this will depend on relationship stability.



Slut friends are a pretty big dealbreaker for me.

It's not an absolute. I have known girls who stayed loyal to their guys despite slut friends constantly pushing them to cheat.

But it is an added wildcard you really do not need in a relationship.

A girl who is committed and not a slut will typically distance herself from slut friends as the relationship progresses.

If she does not, you should take that as a sign that she is more aligned with them than you thought.



Yeah, if she's a housewife set up an account and put a certain amount of money in it based on however many expenses she's managing.

I assume you're using 'workwife' to mean 'wife who had a job' (and not what the word actually means, which is 'woman you work with whom you are close to / flirt with, but who is not your girlfriend or wife'). If she's working, just have a joint account you both contribute to and pay bills from.

If she's working, her disposable income comes from her job.



What's the change?



Politeness. Manners. Compliance. Orderliness. Preparing certain things for you the way you like them. Sexual initiative. Exercise. Staying in shape. Dressing well / grooming.

Tell her what you want. Use operant conditioning to reinforce.

How to Never Have a Sexless Relationship (the Sex Trump Card)

Over the years I've seen friends go through relationships where after a while their woman stops having sex with them. When it happens, the guy is shaken; his self-esteem slides hard. When a man needs something, and is denied it by the woman he thought was there to be his partner for that thing...

www.girlschase.com

Make sure you have a space that is your space (den, office, etc.).

She is still going to try to invade it as much as possible, so you are just going to need to enforce the borders like she's an illegal Mexican trying to swim across the Rio Grande.

Figure out if one or both of you is a "needs space to cool down" type. If so, the other or both need to learn to respect that when things get heated, otherwise everything just keeps escalating.

Having separate bedrooms helps with sex life IMO. Every time she sneaks over to yours it's more exciting for her. Sleeping in the same bed with you nightly is less of a 'routine'.

If one of you is a lot messier than the other you are going to have fights and annoyances over that. You will have to figure out how to deal with it.



Better IMO to help her start her own business or get her doing something where she's more independent.

Real estate agent, freelance graphic designer, etc.

Once she has a job the job owns her time. You just get her when she's free.

Never had a gal deal with advances from a superior while I was with her so I can't say for sure there. Guess it depends whether she knows how to handle it, how aggressive/persistent the dude is, etc.

I had a GF who told me about her time as a university instructor when her boss brought her into this office and put the moves on her. She slapped him off her then threatened to report him to the university. He begged her not to; she stated her terms to not report him and spent the rest of her time at the university collecting her full salary without having to do any more teaching, lol.



What level of relationship?

Girls will keep orbiters around when it's early/unstable.

Here's the simplest way I have found to get her to knock it off:

YOU: Oh, I see, you're going out with that guy. That's cool. I'll probably just call XYZ girl and see if she wants to do something.

GIRL: ????!!! What no!!! Don't go out with her! What if you cheat!

YOU: What do you mean? You're going with him. I'm just going to go with her.

GIRL: But that's different! You're a guy!

YOU: What is that guy you're going out with? Has he had his balls removed?

GIRL: No but you're you!

YOU: Men are all the same.

As soon as you call their bluff and are going to start bringing girls in and doing the same stuff with girls that they are doing with guys, if they want to keep you they stop it super quick.



I had a chick tell me about this once.

Exact same situation. Fiancé cheated on her, they broke up, 4 years later he reached out apologizing saying he felt so bad and asking where she was in life and if she's gotten married yet.

I was just like "Seems like his other options haven't worked out and he's decided you're the best he's going to get."

We were on-again, off-again and she mulled responding to him. Actually asked me what she should do.

I was like, "I dunno. Sounds like he's settling for you. I'd rather just find someone else personally. But do whatever you want to do."

She ended up not responding to him (and in the end married a really great guy. Great match for her).



Sounds good to me.



Why did the guy not reach out for a while? Had they broken up or something?



Depends how old she is.

If you're going for older chicks, they should know etiquette more.

If she's young, just assume she's ignorant and train her.

Most women don't receive etiquette training in school or from their mothers or older sisters nowadays.



For anyone who hasn't read the article:

How Does 'Time to Bed' Affect Female Devotion?

If you bed a girl fast, will she be more devoted to you down the road? Or… should you give her a lengthier seduction with a juicy emotional buildup? Commenting on my article “How to Let a Girl Go”, reader Walter said These women are just settling for you if you keep being persistent. Have you...

www.girlschase.com

There's an argument that can be made for daily.

If you want to keep some distance it's better to have a few days off.

Of course don't be evasive if she contacts you first.



How much space are we talking here?

She needs a few hours to process what happened / what you talked about?

Or she wants a "break"?

If a few hours: she's just a personality type that needs calm and tranquility to process new ideas/perspectives. Give her her space, then talk when she's ready.

If she wants a multi-week break to go experience other dudes then decide if she would rather you or one of them:

Nah.

Tell her all sales are final.

She can have the break if she wants.

But after that if she wants the relationship, it will have to be with someone else.



Again, good questions!

Chase

@PaulieFlyn10,

Neat post! I'll respond to some of these. Will try to be brief; you have many questions here.



Part of this is age. No matter what generation of seducers you are in, your friends/generation is going to progressively settle down as they age. The perception will be that "everyone is getting into committed relationships / getting married / starting families." Every generation goes through this though.

The real question (that is still unclear to me) is, "Do 20-something men today want committed relationships more than they did when I was a 20-something?"



There are personality differences between girls. Also, younger girls will sometimes be fine to hang around longer than 2 years because they're under less time pressure. Girls who feel VERY strongly that their guy is "on the cusp" and may be willing to commit with a bit more time can push things out to 3 or sometimes 4 years. You can extend things by moving in (often extends the 2 years to 4 years) or getting engaged (similar 2-year extension).

Marriage without babies offers a variable extension, depending on how badly the girl wants to reproduce. Anywhere from a 2- to 5-year extension without children.

Having a baby together is the "lifetime extension."

Any of these can be blown up by the guy dramatically changing (becomes depressed, long-term unemployed) or dramatically reducing his investment in the relationship (starts cheating with abandon and neglecting the woman). At that point "extensions" are irrelevant.



Depends. Are you with a girl who actively tries to make you jealous? Or is she just polite with these guys? You need to treat those two very differently.

I will playfully joke with girls when they check out other guys or comment on them, personally. e.g., if a chick I am with is like, "Wow, that guy is very handsome! And rich, too! Wow, he's perfect!"

I will just be like, "Finally, we've found someone who can take you off my hands!"

Of course that is with a healthy relationship dynamic where I know she is joking around and she knows I am joking around.

In a fucked up relationship dynamic the chick may escalate and respond to you making a remark like this by going over to flirt with the guy & really try to bring out your jealous rage. IMO you simply should not be with this kind of woman or in this kind of fucked up relationship at all... but many guys are.



Nah. But if the dynamic is healthy they are just little tests, like anything.



If the relationship is healthy she will typically tell you about any substantial interactions she had.

You can just nod knowingly or give a basic response ("Sounds like you were Miss Popular today!" if she had a couple of dudes hit on her, for instance).

She doesn't need to mention having a boyfriend unless guys are being pushy or not taking hints. "I have a boyfriend" is the defense for guys who aren't following her cues.

As for giving out her number... sometimes young/dumb chicks do this just to get guys away.

You may need to train them to not give out their numbers if you don't want a bunch of random dudes hitting on them trying to get in their pants.

Also: the less stable the relationship is for her, the more likely she is to want to cultivate backup options. So to some extent this will depend on relationship stability.



Slut friends are a pretty big dealbreaker for me.

It's not an absolute. I have known girls who stayed loyal to their guys despite slut friends constantly pushing them to cheat.

But it is an added wildcard you really do not need in a relationship.

A girl who is committed and not a slut will typically distance herself from slut friends as the relationship progresses.

If she does not, you should take that as a sign that she is more aligned with them than you thought.



Yeah, if she's a housewife set up an account and put a certain amount of money in it based on however many expenses she's managing.

I assume you're using 'workwife' to mean 'wife who had a job' (and not what the word actually means, which is 'woman you work with whom you are close to / flirt with, but who is not your girlfriend or wife'). If she's working, just have a joint account you both contribute to and pay bills from.

If she's working, her disposable income comes from her job.



What's the change?



Politeness. Manners. Compliance. Orderliness. Preparing certain things for you the way you like them. Sexual initiative. Exercise. Staying in shape. Dressing well / grooming.

Tell her what you want. Use operant conditioning to reinforce.

How to Never Have a Sexless Relationship (the Sex Trump Card)

Over the years I've seen friends go through relationships where after a while their woman stops having sex with them. When it happens, the guy is shaken; his self-esteem slides hard. When a man needs something, and is denied it by the woman he thought was there to be his partner for that thing...

www.girlschase.com

Make sure you have a space that is your space (den, office, etc.).

She is still going to try to invade it as much as possible, so you are just going to need to enforce the borders like she's an illegal Mexican trying to swim across the Rio Grande.

Figure out if one or both of you is a "needs space to cool down" type. If so, the other or both need to learn to respect that when things get heated, otherwise everything just keeps escalating.

Having separate bedrooms helps with sex life IMO. Every time she sneaks over to yours it's more exciting for her. Sleeping in the same bed with you nightly is less of a 'routine'.

If one of you is a lot messier than the other you are going to have fights and annoyances over that. You will have to figure out how to deal with it.



Better IMO to help her start her own business or get her doing something where she's more independent.

Real estate agent, freelance graphic designer, etc.

Once she has a job the job owns her time. You just get her when she's free.

Never had a gal deal with advances from a superior while I was with her so I can't say for sure there. Guess it depends whether she knows how to handle it, how aggressive/persistent the dude is, etc.

I had a GF who told me about her time as a university instructor when her boss brought her into this office and put the moves on her. She slapped him off her then threatened to report him to the university. He begged her not to; she stated her terms to not report him and spent the rest of her time at the university collecting her full salary without having to do any more teaching, lol.



What level of relationship?

Girls will keep orbiters around when it's early/unstable.

Here's the simplest way I have found to get her to knock it off:

YOU: Oh, I see, you're going out with that guy. That's cool. I'll probably just call XYZ girl and see if she wants to do something.

GIRL: ????!!! What no!!! Don't go out with her! What if you cheat!

YOU: What do you mean? You're going with him. I'm just going to go with her.

GIRL: But that's different! You're a guy!

YOU: What is that guy you're going out with? Has he had his balls removed?

GIRL: No but you're you!

YOU: Men are all the same.

As soon as you call their bluff and are going to start bringing girls in and doing the same stuff with girls that they are doing with guys, if they want to keep you they stop it super quick.



I had a chick tell me about this once.

Exact same situation. Fiancé cheated on her, they broke up, 4 years later he reached out apologizing saying he felt so bad and asking where she was in life and if she's gotten married yet.

I was just like "Seems like his other options haven't worked out and he's decided you're the best he's going to get."

We were on-again, off-again and she mulled responding to him. Actually asked me what she should do.

I was like, "I dunno. Sounds like he's settling for you. I'd rather just find someone else personally. But do whatever you want to do."

She ended up not responding to him (and in the end married a really great guy. Great match for her).



Sounds good to me.



Why did the guy not reach out for a while? Had they broken up or something?



Depends how old she is.

If you're going for older chicks, they should know etiquette more.

If she's young, just assume she's ignorant and train her.

Most women don't receive etiquette training in school or from their mothers or older sisters nowadays.



For anyone who hasn't read the article:

How Does 'Time to Bed' Affect Female Devotion?

If you bed a girl fast, will she be more devoted to you down the road? Or… should you give her a lengthier seduction with a juicy emotional buildup? Commenting on my article “How to Let a Girl Go”, reader Walter said These women are just settling for you if you keep being persistent. Have you...

www.girlschase.com

There's an argument that can be made for daily.

If you want to keep some distance it's better to have a few days off.

Of course don't be evasive if she contacts you first.



How much space are we talking here?

She needs a few hours to process what happened / what you talked about?

Or she wants a "break"?

If a few hours: she's just a personality type that needs calm and tranquility to process new ideas/perspectives. Give her her space, then talk when she's ready.

If she wants a multi-week break to go experience other dudes then decide if she would rather you or one of them:

Nah.

Tell her all sales are final.

She can have the break if she wants.

But after that if she wants the relationship, it will have to be with someone else.



Again, good questions!

Chase

Wow! Thanks a lot for taking out time to reply Chase.


And yes, so many questions lol. Relationships are a new terrain for me and most guys I meet. I even left out some other questions like: Is it okay to for her to accept gifts from her guy friends ? AND whether her posting thirst traps are a big deal.... Or the one I got yesterday "My gf didnt pick up calls from a guy when we were together. should i be worried Paulie?" lmao. Relationships are a big deal and i get why some guys dont want to deal with it.

Loved all your responses and it definitely gave me a good perspective on how to approach certain things in the future.

Regarding your question about the ex, yeah he broke up with her. Then reached out after a few months with a "change of heart

 

[OldGuy]

She didn't pick up calls from other guys sure bets telling you to stay quiet while she has a conversation with them!

 

[Marty]

>>>>> Speed of sex

One of by biggest motivations for fast sex was that in one of Chase oldest articles he mentioned that a girl fucking you fast (first date, SDL) most times meant she really liked you and would mean your relationship would be better.

However, in recent years, he changed his stance on that. To him, he has seen good relationships even when the sex didnt happen fast. Because of this, fast sex while still important isnt such a big factor as he initially thought


what are your thoughts?

As a middle-aged man, I'll take a stab at this one. The "time to bed" column is my best memory, may not be 100% accurate.

Year	Time to bed	Outcome	Fallout
1995	4 weeks	Devoted but immature 6-month relationship	Goals incompatible; parted with no hard feelings
1996	3 weeks	Steamy 1-year fling, not too serious	No hard feelings
1997	1 week	Solid 1-year relationship	Sad but no hard feelings
2001	4 days	12-year generally excellent marriage	Overcame any remaining differences after fairly straightforward divorce, now on best of terms
2014	1 week	2.5-year questionable relationship, never right for each other	Emotional but clean break and no further contact
2019	6 weeks	Ongoing long-distance but loving relationship with excellent communication but little commitment

I don't really see any pattern, but am quite inexperienced and have relatively few data points.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

She didn't pick up calls from other guys sure bets telling you to stay quiet while she has a conversation with them!

I dont really think anyone is better. They both seem a bit fucked up to me lol

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

As a middle-aged man, I'll take a stab at this one. The "time to bed" column is my best memory, may not be 100% accurate.

Year	Time to bed	Outcome	Fallout
1995	4 weeks	Devoted but immature 6-month relationship	Goals incompatible; parted with no hard feelings
1996	3 weeks	Steamy 1-year fling, not too serious	No hard feelings
1997	1 week	Solid 1-year relationship	Sad but no hard feelings
2001	4 days	12-year generally excellent marriage	Overcame any remaining differences after fairly straightforward divorce, now on best of terms
2014	1 week	2.5-year questionable relationship, never right for each other	Emotional but clean break and no further contact
2019	6 weeks	Ongoing long-distance but loving relationship with excellent communication but little commitment

I don't really see any pattern, but am quite inexperienced and have relatively few data points.

Nice!. Thanks for chiming in. Your longest relationship (12 years) took 4 days so that says something lol

Your one week lays were also long too. Any ways, speed of sex alone is definitely not enough to draw conclusions. But sex ideally should happen within 2 weeks of meeting... at the very worst 1 to 2 months(though not recommended)

 

[Skills]

Alright guys, i am probably one of the most experience guy in relationship since i had none stop since 17... So i will tell you that as well intended post like this is, relationships can not be turn into a scientific project, patterns, situational how tos.... Things like that will just make you a bit paranoid and it will backfire and is counterproductive (red pillers fuck this up).....

Just like anything relationship just come with reps, and you will fuck it up, and is ok, unfortunately seducers get the less reps, even less than normies which is the problem and pick up does not translate to relationships (2 different skill sets)....... Again, the most useful things are (and again not perfect):

- find out if you want kids and she wants kids (and again this is not perfect, you can be with the girl that did not want kids, and after 28 the kid fever may hit)

-Go into the relationship the right way (minimum 3 months were you are just getting to know her before making her main, ideally 6 months)

- keep yourself attractive, desirable and re-invent yourself constantly... (most dudes get fat, and stop keeping of with style)

- remember that shit test happens really in relationship (you need to handle them well, is only for a while though she will stop)

- Try to avoid living together and if you do like chase says different spaces in the home

- remember it will end no matter what... Even your great grandparents that stay together one of them died one was widow or widower...

- you will get hurt and you will suffer (no way to avoid this) and is necessary for you to be there for growth...

Use critical thinking when reading relationship advice and compare to your own field testing (this is why i hate red pill, i went into a red pill stage in sedfast due to my 10 year break up, and realized i got gamed by red pillers, and quit that shit right away, only cosy noticed what was happening to me, thanks god it was for 2 seconds)....

i would recommend some books for growth just reference everyone need reps:

- the passion trap (credit ricardous)
- the truth (by neil strauss)
- the tactical guide to women by shawn smith
- even though i despise Rollo i would read the rational male only cause he gets right the emotional equity part (this means that the dude goes i been with her for her years, done all of this for her, so i have an emotional filled up bank account that should pay me dividends now, unfortunately it does not work like that, this concept he gets right, i would just be careful with a lot of the other none sense and paranoia), again just use critical thinking...
-the female brain (by louann brizendine) this book open my eyes to something i suspected (you can have the same women and she will be a total different girl and think different and totally be a different person in different years and stages, this does not happen really to dudes we are pretty much similar through our lifetime)
- models mark manson (best book on neediness in my opinion)
- The unchained man by caleb jones (be careful here too he tends to project and backward rationalize a lot, but is a good book)

^ again all of these with TONS OF critical thinking, but nothing will beat reps and trying to go into the relationship the right way

 

[POB]

Alright guys, i am probably one of the most experience guy in relationship since i had none stop since 17... So i will tell you that as well intended post like this is, relationships can not be turn into a scientific project, patterns, situational how tos.... Things like that will just make you a bit paranoid and it will backfire and is counterproductive (red pillers fuck this up).....

Just like anything relationship just come with reps, and you will fuck it up, and is ok, unfortunately seducers get the less reps, even less than normies which is the problem and pick up does not translate to relationships (2 different skill sets)....... Again, the most useful things are (and again not perfect):

- find out if you want kids and she wants kids (and again this is not perfect, you can be with the girl that did not want kids, and after 28 the kid fever may hit)

-Go into the relationship the right way (minimum 3 months were you are just getting to know her before making her main, ideally 6 months)

- keep yourself attractive, desirable and re-invent yourself constantly... (most dudes get fat, and stop keeping of with style)

- remember that shit test happens really in relationship (you need to handle them well, is only for a while though she will stop)

- Try to avoid living together and if you do like chase says different spaces in the home

- remember it will end no matter what... Even your great grandparents that stay together one of them died one was widow or widower...

- you will get hurt and you will suffer (no way to avoid this) and is necessary for you to be there for growth...

Use critical thinking when reading relationship advice and compare to your own field testing (this is why i hate red pill, i went into a red pill stage in sedfast due to my 10 year break up, and realized i got gamed by red pillers, and quit that shit right away, only cosy noticed what was happening to me, thanks god it was for 2 seconds)....

i would recommend some books for growth just reference everyone need reps:

- the passion trap (credit ricardous)
- the truth (by neil strauss)
- the tactical guide to women by shawn smith
- even though i despise Rollo i would read the rational male only cause he gets right the emotional equity part (this means that the dude goes i been with her for her years, done all of this for her, so i have an emotional filled up bank account that should pay me dividends now, unfortunately it does not work like that, this concept he gets right, i would just be careful with a lot of the other none sense and paranoia), again just use critical thinking...
-the female brain (by louann brizendine) this book open my eyes to something i suspected (you can have the same women and she will be a total different girl and think different and totally be a different person in different years and stages, this does not happen really to dudes we are pretty much similar through our lifetime)
- models mark manson (best book on neediness in my opinion)
- The unchained man by caleb jones (be careful here too he tends to project and backward rationalize a lot, but is a good book)

^ again all of these with TONS OF critical thinking, but nothing will beat reps and trying to go into the relationship the right way

Damn, you beat me to it.

 

[Skills]

Damn, you beat me to it.

Yes i know that you probably like me figuring out how to actually answer... Relationships can be so unpredictable and you never stop learning from each one and they can be similar but different we are dealing with all types of human beings...

 

[POB]

Yes i know that you probably like me figuring out how to actually answer... Relationships can be so unpredictable and you never stop learning from each one and they can be similar but different we are dealing with all types of human beings...

There's NO FORMULA for relationships!
Each one is unique and has it's own sets of challenges.
Best you can do is what you said: have a template of what you want and keep adapting as you go.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Alright guys, i am probably one of the most experience guy in relationship since i had none stop since 17... So i will tell you that as well intended post like this is, relationships can not be turn into a scientific project, patterns, situational how tos.... Things like that will just make you a bit paranoid and it will backfire and is counterproductive (red pillers fuck this up).....

Just like anything relationship just come with reps, and you will fuck it up, and is ok, unfortunately seducers get the less reps, even less than normies which is the problem and pick up does not translate to relationships (2 different skill sets)....... Again, the most useful things are (and again not perfect):

- find out if you want kids and she wants kids (and again this is not perfect, you can be with the girl that did not want kids, and after 28 the kid fever may hit)

-Go into the relationship the right way (minimum 3 months were you are just getting to know her before making her main, ideally 6 months)

- keep yourself attractive, desirable and re-invent yourself constantly... (most dudes get fat, and stop keeping of with style)

- remember that shit test happens really in relationship (you need to handle them well, is only for a while though she will stop)

- Try to avoid living together and if you do like chase says different spaces in the home

- remember it will end no matter what... Even your great grandparents that stay together one of them died one was widow or widower...

- you will get hurt and you will suffer (no way to avoid this) and is necessary for you to be there for growth...

Use critical thinking when reading relationship advice and compare to your own field testing (this is why i hate red pill, i went into a red pill stage in sedfast due to my 10 year break up, and realized i got gamed by red pillers, and quit that shit right away, only cosy noticed what was happening to me, thanks god it was for 2 seconds)....

i would recommend some books for growth just reference everyone need reps:

- the passion trap (credit ricardous)
- the truth (by neil strauss)
- the tactical guide to women by shawn smith
- even though i despise Rollo i would read the rational male only cause he gets right the emotional equity part (this means that the dude goes i been with her for her years, done all of this for her, so i have an emotional filled up bank account that should pay me dividends now, unfortunately it does not work like that, this concept he gets right, i would just be careful with a lot of the other none sense and paranoia), again just use critical thinking...
-the female brain (by louann brizendine) this book open my eyes to something i suspected (you can have the same women and she will be a total different girl and think different and totally be a different person in different years and stages, this does not happen really to dudes we are pretty much similar through our lifetime)
- models mark manson (best book on neediness in my opinion)
- The unchained man by caleb jones (be careful here too he tends to project and backward rationalize a lot, but is a good book)

^ again all of these with TONS OF critical thinking, but nothing will beat reps and trying to go into the relationship the right way

Hey Skills, thanks a lot for chiming in

While I agree with most of what you said, I disagree with some things. Not sure how to do forum quotes so I'll just put your comments in italics

>>>> "....Things like that will just make you a bit paranoid. And will make you a bit paranoid"

I completely disagree with this. Common Situational how-tos are vital when they're addressed. I've always preferred a learning model where a student has a good idea of possible scenarios he might encounter and possible ways to solve them. This just similar to pick up situational how tos like: what to do when she flakes or what to do in a lmr etc. Always better to just have an idea beforehand.

We've already had 3 threads created about jealousy shit tests women do when out with a guy. from flirting with a waiter or just ignoring you. Each of those threads had loads of discussions because it is a hot topic. It is much better to have ways to navigate around relationship situational how tos the same way we do with pick up


>>>> "Just like anything relationship just come with reps"
Yeah, I agree. Experience beats all. But like i said relationship fuck ups are not the same with pick up. Fuck up on a date with one girl? yeah, just learn and move on to another girl. Fuck up after 2 years with a girl? yeah that's 2 years probably gone. And it doesnt even guarantee you know what to do when that situation comes up again in another relationship.

I'm saying this because i know a lot of guys that want to get married early. Those guys can't afford to keep putting in reps with different relationships and wasting time in the process


>>>> "Pick up does not translate relationships (2 different skill sets)
100% agree.


>>>> "find out if you want kids and she wants kids"
yeah, kids are a big deal. So agreee


>>>> "Go into relationships the right way"
100%. Loved that thread


>>>> "keep yourself attractive, desirable and re-invent yourself constantly"
100% agree. However i have something to say about my issues with advice like this. scroll down to see why


>>>> "remember that shit tests happens in relationship (handle them well, though she will stop)"
i slightly agree. But like the previous point, i have some issues with it


>>>> "Try to avoid living together and if you do like chase says different spaces in the home"

Well, most guys I talk to are non-negotiable on living together. They've heard the whole dont live together thing and they're not considering it. A lot of them grew up seeing their parents living together so they want the same for their families. Some just prefer it.


>>>> "Remember it will end no matter what"
True. However, guys would generally prefer the grow old till one of us dies ending to other types of ending.


>>> "you will get hurt and you will suffer"

damn.. that's a tough one


>>>> "use critical thinking when reading relationship advice and compare to your own field testing"

Yeah i agree. The point of this thread was/is to encourage better relationship advice


>>>>> "recommended books"

Thanks for the list. Will look into them.



>>>> My issues with Certain Advice.

First off, besides the entering relationship the right way point... the other tips have been said already. Just ask a group of normies or seducers or puas or players about relationship advice and they'll regurgitate what you just said.

The problem is that knowing women will shit test you in relationships is NOT enough. How do you practically handle them is VERY IMPORTANT. All the guys that meet me for relationship advice know about shit test, staying desirable etc. Thanks to alpha male & red pill stuff, a lot of those advice is very popular. Even church pastors talks about these things. But then again, it is the nuances that matter.

A lot of these guys usually come with "Bro i usually handle things very well with my girl but this particular situation threw me off. Im not sure if i handled it well" And guess what? it's usually similar to another situation someone else has had.


Secondly, we GREATLY underestimate two things: 1, how much guys know about the common relationship advice we say here. AND 2, how clueless guys are in relationships.

This is valentine month. And one question that was asked in a youth conference was : "Should a girl in a relationship receive gifts from male friends and ex especially when she knows the guy wants to have sex or is flirting with her" And man, you should have seen the replies. From down right horrible to "that makes sense but not sure"

I've seen guys act cluelessly when their gf ex pops back. Things like this are no different from pick up stuff like flaking, when you have bad logistics etc

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

There's NO FORMULA for relationships!
Each one is unique and has it's own sets of challenges.
Best you can do is what you said: have a template of what you want and keep adapting as you go.

Yeah I agree there's no formula. But I do believe their are best practices and better starting points. While adaption & reps are important, I have found that having a set benchmark of best practices and frameworks makes adapting more efficient