What Are the Best Tips & Strategies for Autistic Men?

[Bill]

He’s not. That’s a marketing tactic in his part.

I wouldn’t be so sure about that, he‘a shown various symptoms his whole career. Also the way he and others described him before he learned about and starting mentioning aspergers matches it.

 

[Chase]

@Skills,

I met tank in person he came to visit me... I didn't see anything different other than he complained a bit... I wonder if is autism or cope... For me his main issue was viving and extremely high standards, but again it could be all cope... Good guy, did he get ban? If anyone knows what happened to tank pm or how to connect....

@Tank was banned in 2020 for some reason I misremember. I think it was mostly due to an accumulation of his behavior over the years... continuously asking for advice then rejecting all the advice he got. People just grew too annoyed with it.

Personally, I found the behavior a bit irritating, but I simply just avoided advising him on too many things because I knew how he'd react to any advice (e.g., saying he'd "tried that already but it doesn't work", arguing that "that wouldn't work for me because XYZ reason", etc.).

He appealed his ban in 2021 via @Tony D but it was upheld.

Actually, just looking through it now, he was banned due to "douchey questions about" the material of one senior member who is solid, but also about the material of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (who is now banned himself), plus the accumulation of behavior over the years. @Teevster at the time defended Tank, and like you Skills called him a good guy. I said I wouldn't veto it if the mods decided he had to go, but I didn't really have a problem with him personally.

I suppose I can ask the mods if they still favor keeping him banned.

As far as him being on the spectrum... I met him once briefly and he seemed like a really nice guy.

From his behavior on forums over the years and folks I have talked to about him, it seems pretty apparent he is definitely on the spectrum though.

Chase

 

[Chase]

As to the Tyler Durden / Owen Cook thing:

• His behavior as described in The Game is like some sort of turbocharged Asperger's stuff. But maybe Neil just didn't like him and wanted to paint him in a negative light. Neil was not exactly against stretching the truth when he wrote that book.
  
  
• RSD in particular in the late 2000s and early 2010s was behind the whole 'social robots' phenomenon of autistic virgins treating TD like their game messiah then going around spam approaching everyone and getting heaps of horrific rejections. PUA's name arguably got trashed not due to Mystery's fuzzy hat but due to the RSD 'autistic virgin legions' getting pumped out everywhere spam approaching girls into oblivion. Well, that plus RooshV, who presented a lot of the symptoms of autism himself.
  
  
• TD's behavior as I've had it described to me by folks who were close to him also throws a bunch of flags for being on the spectrum.

Anyway, if Tyler himself is saying he is autistic... well, I would probably take him at face value on that.

Chase

 

[Skills]

@Skills,



@Tank was banned in 2020 for some reason I misremember. I think it was mostly due to an accumulation of his behavior over the years... continuously asking for advice then rejecting all the advice he got. People just grew too annoyed with it.

Personally, I found the behavior a bit irritating, but I simply just avoided advising him on too many things because I knew how he'd react to any advice (e.g., saying he'd "tried that already but it doesn't work", arguing that "that wouldn't work for me because XYZ reason", etc.).

He appealed his ban in 2021 via @Tony D but it was upheld.

Actually, just looking through it now, he was banned due to "douchey questions about" the material of one senior member who is solid, but also about the material of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (who is now banned himself), plus the accumulation of behavior over the years. @Teevster at the time defended Tank, and like you Skills called him a good guy. I said I wouldn't veto it if the mods decided he had to go, but I didn't really have a problem with him personally.

I suppose I can ask the mods if they still favor keeping him banned.

As far as him being on the spectrum... I met him once briefly and he seemed like a really nice guy.

From his behavior on forums over the years and folks I have talked to about him, it seems pretty apparent he is definitely on the spectrum though.

Chase

Oh yeah, the nothing works issue, yeah now i remember...in fairness, he did tried things recommended, usually never worked for him ...i wonder if due to autism...he did psid for multiple coachings....dude put the work traveling meeting puas, getting coaching.... I personally use autistic, autism, etc .. as trolling, didn't know it was actually a real thing... beyond my pay grade how to deal with this .... I did notice tank has sensory issues in clubs to the loud noises, they say is one of the autism symptoms...he was also very stiff, which may have affected his vibe.. another thing i notice is he would sit there and rank women on the field constantly which I found strange, like who does that... He was obsessed with the rankings lol .. which may be a sign of autism looking back number obsession... but he did get laid and even got girlfriend,...then got frustrated and i think he was looking into the going pro route..

 

[MarkA]

In the last couple of years I have met and gotten to know several autistic guys. The traits they have in common are

- generally being very nice guys
- requiring lots of repetition to learn something new
- frequent use of inappropriate rude jokes (no problem for me but I can see how many girls would find it off putting)
- difficulty accepting doing new things due to lots of fear
- resorting to using dating apps to get new girls exclusively
- getting action only from girls who are DTF

I think Warped Mindless is right that these guys are hard work to help out but at least in a work context I have seen how they can learn new stuff. The one guy who has settled down has ended up with an autistic girl. Perhaps finding another autistic person is the way to go for them long-term.

 

[ulrich]

From my personal experience those are really good descriptors of someone in the spectrum, @MarkA, but I see one misconception

- difficulty accepting doing new things due to lots of fear

I don’t think it’s as much fear as it is cognitive dissonance.

I used to struggle with considering alternative non-logical” points of view because they didn’t fit my “logical” view of the world.
It’s hard to drop a complete view of the world that is minimalistic and extremely reinforced and replace it with a more complex view of reality that considers social nuance.

The one guy who has settled down has ended up with an autistic girl. Perhaps finding another autistic person is the way to go for them long-term.

That would be a practical option but if I recall correctly, autistic men outnumber autistic women 10:1.

 

[MarkA]

From my personal experience those are really good descriptors of someone in the spectrum, @MarkA, but I see one misconception




I don’t think it’s as much fear as it is cognitive dissonance.

I used to struggle with considering alternative non-logical” points of view because they didn’t fit my “logical” view of the world.
It’s hard to drop a complete view of the world that is minimalistic and extremely reinforced and replace it with a more complex view of reality that considers social nuance.



That would be a practical option but if I recall correctly, autistic men outnumber autistic women 10:1.

These are fair points ulrich however I think you need to separate how most people feel fear about stepping out of their comfort zone from how autistic people do. I've seen it up close how they derive great comfort from doing the same things to a far greater extent those most people do. Apparently 1 in 4 autistic people have had suicidal thoughts so depression and fear is much more prevalent amongst them.

Also accepting one is wrong is a challenge all people face due to our own ego. It's not just a challenge for some people. Wanting a simple explanation of the world is universal.

As for the point on the ratio of guys to girls who are autistic you may be right on the official figure but it is widely accepted by autistic experts that autism is under reported as historically it has been stigmatised and not well understood by society plus there are not enough qualified experts to recognise it and produce an expert confirmation. This is particularly true for autistic girls. I suspect the actual ratio is much closer to being equal.

Interestingly this week I read Dr Chris D'Adamo has recently published a study showing how autism can be reversed through a variety of techniques. I would like to see what his peers think and if this small study can be replicated on a large scale with adults.

 

[William Wallace]

In the last couple of years I have met and gotten to know several autistic guys. The traits they have in common are

- generally being very nice guys
- requiring lots of repetition to learn something new
- frequent use of inappropriate rude jokes (no problem for me but I can see how many girls would find it off putting)
- difficulty accepting doing new things due to lots of fear
- resorting to using dating apps to get new girls exclusively
- getting action only from girls who are DTF

I think Warped Mindless is right that these guys are hard work to help out but at least in a work context I have seen how they can learn new stuff. The one guy who has settled down has ended up with an autistic girl. Perhaps finding another autistic person is the way to go for them long-term.

1 i guess if we where rude we would be just completely shunned? but i guess nice is a neutral term on here.
2 indeed for social situations id imagine most autistic people requiring that, it's like your teaching them a new chess move, and all the variations that can lead to.
3 yeah due not being able to read the social situations that can happen. or simply not giving a fuck, which in sometimes can get confused for confidence if it's not a joke.
4 fear of the unknown is a normal thing, autistic people likes order and routine even more so for some it can indeed be scarier. things can also be scary in social situations when the person knows there autistic and bad at social skills reinforcing there fear.
5 never used a dating app yet so can't speak about that.
6 yeah no i can only talk about my school years here.

These are fair points ulrich however I think you need to separate how most people feel fear about stepping out of their comfort zone from how autistic people do. I've seen it up close how they derive great comfort from doing the same things to a far greater extent those most people do. Apparently 1 in 4 autistic people have had suicidal thoughts so depression and fear is much more prevalent amongst them.

Also accepting one is wrong is a challenge all people face due to our own ego. It's not just a challenge for some people. Wanting a simple explanation of the world is universal.

As for the point on the ratio of guys to girls who are autistic you may be right on the official figure but it is widely accepted by autistic experts that autism is under reported as historically it has been stigmatised and not well understood by society plus there are not enough qualified experts to recognise it and produce an expert confirmation. This is particularly true for autistic girls. I suspect the actual ratio is much closer to being equal.

Interestingly this week I read Dr Chris D'Adamo has recently published a study showing how autism can be reversed through a variety of techniques. I would like to see what his peers think and if this small study can be replicated on a large scale with adults.

autistic girls are better at masking that is true.
i doubt autism is something that can be reversed without gene editing. you can train the autist. but you can't remove it

 

[Chase]

On autistic girls: the most common assumption right now seems to be that autism is very under-diagnosed in women.

One friend with an autistic son discovered because of his son's autism that in fact his wife was autistic too. Neither he or she knew. She just always came across as either very haughty or very shy to people who met her.

==

For autistic guys, in case they are not aware, there are social skills training programs offered at some universities that are shown to have good results. Here are some YouTube videos about several of these:

==

Also, @Tank (whom we discussed earlier in this thread) provided a few updates via comments on one of my most recent articles.

Here's what he has to say about, first, his decision to de-prioritize seduction nowadays:

Hope all is well. I take a glance every now and then on the updates in the articles.

No hard feelings, I've unearthed much trauma, and that with autism makes membership in any community difficult.

Of course as you noted it also makes sleeping with attractive women difficult too. It is self evident that since I am neither adept at nor enjoy street approaches, bars and clubs, and tinder dates, celibacy is a necessity. It is comforting to see your article confirm this.

So far, while there are moments of mental struggle with it, ultimately there is much more peace of mind in dropping sex and women out of my consciousness as simply out of the question. Many in history have rode celibacy as a source of spiritual energy for great worldly accomplishment and creativity, and I look forward to seeing what I can do in the new time available.

Be well

Tank

In a second comment, he discusses his success with seduction when younger despite being on the autism spectrum:

Not to be a doomer, let me clarify this:

Being on the spectrum, having only 20 hours to devote to women in later adulthood (including spending time on multiple FWBs) resulted in, together with trauma, spinning my wheels and getting frustrated with game, being on the spectrum.

Now I'm an adult and I have more important things to do, so I simply cannot put in the time to be able to attract hot women.

At the same time, I have slept with about 150 women, and had stretches of time when I was sleeping with multiple 8s as FWBs and additional ONSs in my 20s, and a few occasionally later.

I owe it to spending really upwards of a full time job in terms of effort as far as partying, studying game, approaching, dating, and seeing FWBs in my youth.

And so if a man is young, can dedicate a lot of time, is horny, and is on the autistic spectrum, then perhaps the best course of life is similar to myself Go hard in your 20s, have a bit more fun in your 30s then move on to your special interests of inventing things to save the world.

So if you fall in that category, I strongly recommend you carve out time to:
1) Develop a proper social mask by just binging on socializing, of all sorts, from bars and clubs to parties to hangouts.
2) Fitness and nutrition is just regiment, it's easy for you so there's no reason your physique shouldn't be top class
3) Humor is pretty formulaic, you can drill it at home, there are a number of books and courses on the nuts and bolts of humor as well as banter / flirting

Finally, if you make sex a special interest of yours, you can:
1) Drop the mask some in mid-game and be the weird eccentric sex wizard guy
2) Maintain women who come over for 2-5 hours of sexual activity and then leave once every week or two for up to two years. Which is great for you because it's human connection without conversation.

Have fun!

Then yeah, eventually, you'll also get sick of all the Neurotypical mating games. It's just unpleasant to swipe/chat, go to loud clubs etc. regularly.

Chase

 

[gameboy]

Regarding the above quoted comments by Tank:

If you don't care about the connection and are just horny, technically you can also pay for sex. So celibacy isn't the only option for autistic guys. As long as you got the money.

 

[Skills]

On autistic girls: the most common assumption right now seems to be that autism is very under-diagnosed in women.

One friend with an autistic son discovered because of his son's autism that in fact his wife was autistic too. Neither he or she knew. She just always came across as either very haughty or very shy to people who met her.

==

For autistic guys, in case they are not aware, there are social skills training programs offered at some universities that are shown to have good results. Here are some YouTube videos about several of these:

==

Also, @Tank (whom we discussed earlier in this thread) provided a few updates via comments on one of my most recent articles.

Here's what he has to say about, first, his decision to de-prioritize seduction nowadays:



In a second comment, he discusses his success with seduction when younger despite being on the autism spectrum:



Chase

well, so sad, i have never understood the time management aspect of seduction... Most seducers i know, work/run businesses or both, workout, have some type of hobby and still can find time to seduce.... Again, for me cope.... But again, i am not autistic so i am kjing....

 

[William Wallace]

well, so sad, i have never understood the time management aspect of seduction... Most seducers i know, work/run businesses or both, workout, have some type of hobby and still can find time to seduce.... Again, for me cope.... But again, i am not autistic so i am kjing....

i guess he got burned out in the end. he probably has to put up twice the amount of effort for less quality than you.

Also, @Tank (whom we discussed earlier in this thread) provided a few updates via comments on one of my most recent articles.

Here's what he has to say about, first, his decision to de-prioritize seduction nowadays:



In a second comment, he discusses his success with seduction when younger despite being on the autism spectrum:



Chase

Both White pill and a blackpill with his 150 lays. out of 150 no one as far as i understand was LTR to him? id assume at least his first 50 was training process for him.
at this point he should write a book. i think very few high functioning autists has come as far as him. Maybe you should pick at him at write your own mini book stratagems for autistic people. starting page for the book (there are rivers that must be crossed, Rules that must be broken, Emotions that must not be expressed) or something along those lines hahahahaha

 

[Skills]

i guess he got burned out in the end. he probably has to put up twice the amount of effort for less quality than you.

Both White pill and a blackpill with his 150 lays. out of 150 no one as far as i understand was LTR to him? id assume at least his first 50 was training process for him.
at this point he should write a book. i think very few high functioning autists has come as far as him. Maybe you should pick at him at write your own mini book stratagems for autistic people. starting page for the book (there are rivers that must be crossed, Rules that must be broken, Emotions that must not be expressed) or something along those lines hahahahaha

He had an ltr for couple of years...post that...

 

[Chase]

i guess he got burned out in the end. he probably has to put up twice the amount of effort for less quality than you.

Both White pill and a blackpill with his 150 lays. out of 150 no one as far as i understand was LTR to him? id assume at least his first 50 was training process for him.
at this point he should write a book. i think very few high functioning autists has come as far as him. Maybe you should pick at him at write your own mini book stratagems for autistic people. starting page for the book (there are rivers that must be crossed, Rules that must be broken, Emotions that must not be expressed) or something along those lines hahahahaha

As I recall he ultimately decided he did not want an LTR. From his last comment above I suspect he just found the relationship management too tedious.

Toward the end of his tenure on forums IIRC he was always going for maintaining multiple FWBs who were into kinky sex. He was in the BDSM space, etc. Basically positioned himself as the kink expert so that girls who were into that would keep coming back to him for more.

Although it seems eventually he tired of that as well.

 

[MarkA]

One other option for autistic people is to find niche dating apps that cater for their personality e.g. their hobby interests and fear of social events.

I just read the following comment online which might be a relevant example

'Keeney notes that the early beta users of Date Like Goblins have included people who are neurodivergent, immunocompromised, or introverted, all of whom may feel more comfortable getting to know someone doing an activity rather than sitting down face-to-face for a drink or coffee.'

 

[William Wallace]

As I recall he ultimately decided he did not want an LTR. From his last comment above I suspect he just found the relationship management too tedious.

Toward the end of his tenure on forums IIRC he was always going for maintaining multiple FWBs who were into kinky sex. He was in the BDSM space, etc. Basically positioned himself as the kink expert so that girls who were into that would keep coming back to him for more.

Although it seems eventually he tired of that as well.

i guess expanding his bloodline was not on the menu so it was not worth it in the end.

 

[WhiteCastle]

My first post here, but...I do suffer from Autism, and I have solved some of the issues, for myself at least, so I thought I'd try to offer a bit of insight...I've had multiple long term relationships, and would have had more lays if I had fewer periods of monogamy in my life.

The current mental health landscape for autism divides it into three levels: Levels 2 and 3 require significant support (level 3's might be non-verbal or barely verbal, level 2's might have some extremely noticeable social drawbacks like very limited interests, etc), so my focus here is on level 1 autism. Aka some autistic traits, but where it's possible to mask them.

Some of the replies here seem to be working off of some outdated views of Autism, and what it is. I'll find citations later if it's important, but masking is not 'repressing' your natural urges most of the time (sometimes it is -- avoiding a reaction to a loud noise, or avoiding certain stimming behaviors), but rather trying to find more socially acceptable ways to express what's already there. For example, if I have a blunted affect and I'm really enjoying a show I might naturally show zero outward reaction of that. If I'm masking I'll make an effort to smile and act happy...so other people can read that I'm happy. I'm not repressing my natural urges, but expressing what I feel inside in a way that other people will understand. Don't get me wrong, though, this takes significant energy to do and is entirely unsustainable in a long term close relationship (I can, however, keep this up in a long term casual or semi-serious relationship, where we see each other a few times a week at most).

This is echoing the article, but people on the spectrum definitely like to have scripts to stick with. It's how we've learned to deal with social situations. If she/he says X we respond with Y. "How is your day?" "fine, how about you?" is a script that shall be followed. This extends to everything, including meeting someone.

On to the strengths -- Autistic people tend, and this is a generalization, to be fairly nice guys. I don't mean Nice Guys (tm), but genuinely nice people...we want to be accepted, but just don't know how. Additionally, as evidenced by some of the other posts, when we focus on something, we get it done. If we focus on cold approaching we'll put in the numbers, we'll try to get good at it, and we definitely won't stop until we're so beat down by rejection that there's no other choice. Or we just won't feel the rejection and get discouraged by the amount of time it takes.

I don't think cold approach game is worth the time for someone on the spectrum. The number of approaches to lays is just off, and the amount of signals that will be just completely missed is staggering. Was she un-interested or did you just not have the right framework / script? The person on the spectrum will never know for sure, so they'll rigidly stick to the script they had. Of course I'm saying this as someone who doesn't really do cold approach game, so take it as what you will.

What I think does work is social circle game and apps. Apps are great, you can run your replies by someone else before you actually reply, you can follow a fairly strict framework to get someone off the app and into real life, and you can "approach" a ton of women. But they're not for everyone or every location, so the second important thing to learn is social circle game...and I'd start there before worrying about apps. With social circle game you have women (and men) there to vouch that you're a really great guy but maybe just a little weird...but who isn't? You'll disarm a bunch of the typical problems by virtue of having social proof already.

That said, I think it's extremely important to disclose that you're on the spectrum before going too far (even before sex). This helps 1/ generate a bit of goodwill towards you, 2/ let's them know that you're interested, 3/ you're self-aware and 4/ you're comfortable demonstrating a bit of vulnerability. Often times it will lead to "oh, my sister/brother/kid/friend has autism as well so I know what you're talking about".

My personal script is something close to "I'm on the autism spectrum so I'll sometimes go way way way too in depth on certain topics, if that happens and I start boring <smile/wink> you with my description of the mechanics of rollercoasters (or whatever) just let me know and I'll drop it". Then I check in when I notice I've been talking about one thing for a bit -- "did you want me to keep explaining this thing? it's feeling a bit like I'm dominating the convo here". If their answer is anything but "no, I'm really interested, keep talking" I then drop the subject and find something else to talk about. I'll also note that this is after I have them over at my place, so it's highly likely they're planning to have sex anyway.

Now, I know above I said "social circle game" but...how do you develop the circle? First, if you're at all queer presenting I'd highly recommend a queer social event. The people at those events are predisposed to be tolerant of differences, and some social struggles are nothing as long as you can speak the language and aren't jugmental. If not, or if you can't find such an event, then the next best thing is finding an activity that forces interaction. Social dancing is a good one, as is something like a music club (choir? volunteer band?) if you're good at music...there are a ton of possibilites. I'd stay away from social events that don't typically attract women (board games, etc), though if you're legitimately interested and would attend even if you never met someone then do it. You being super passionate about the event will definitely go over well and will lead to good things in the future. I know multiple people from these events that were setup by friends of friends.

Oh, and one last thing, when you go to the event, give up being rigid with your time, and give up hitting on chicks. You're there to meet friends, not chicks. Friends hang out after the event, maybe at a bar, or someone's house. Friends do not usually directly hit on each other, and you're likely not socially calibrated enough to fun-flirt with someone without it being taken the wrong way. The time to find someone to date from the group is after you're in with them and have hung out with them a decent amount, not when you're just meeting everyone.

The second thing I think is of critical importance to the austitic guy is to get really really good at sex. There are tons of videos and ways to research it, so I'm not going to link any suggestions here, but you want to be regularly hearing about how you're the best <oral> <fingering> <lay> whatever that your partner has ever had. This will keep a woman around even if she's not 100% totally into you, and will buy you a ton of grace for your autistic traits when they come up. It will also help get new lays via social circle, since women talk.

And....I think that's enough for today

 

[bgwh]

My first post here, but...I do suffer from Autism, and I have solved some of the issues, for myself at least, so I thought I'd try to offer a bit of insight...I've had multiple long term relationships, and would have had more lays if I had fewer periods of monogamy in my life.

The current mental health landscape for autism divides it into three levels: Levels 2 and 3 require significant support (level 3's might be non-verbal or barely verbal, level 2's might have some extremely noticeable social drawbacks like very limited interests, etc), so my focus here is on level 1 autism. Aka some autistic traits, but where it's possible to mask them.

Some of the replies here seem to be working off of some outdated views of Autism, and what it is. I'll find citations later if it's important, but masking is not 'repressing' your natural urges most of the time (sometimes it is -- avoiding a reaction to a loud noise, or avoiding certain stimming behaviors), but rather trying to find more socially acceptable ways to express what's already there. For example, if I have a blunted affect and I'm really enjoying a show I might naturally show zero outward reaction of that. If I'm masking I'll make an effort to smile and act happy...so other people can read that I'm happy. I'm not repressing my natural urges, but expressing what I feel inside in a way that other people will understand. Don't get me wrong, though, this takes significant energy to do and is entirely unsustainable in a long term close relationship (I can, however, keep this up in a long term casual or semi-serious relationship, where we see each other a few times a week at most).

This is echoing the article, but people on the spectrum definitely like to have scripts to stick with. It's how we've learned to deal with social situations. If she/he says X we respond with Y. "How is your day?" "fine, how about you?" is a script that shall be followed. This extends to everything, including meeting someone.

On to the strengths -- Autistic people tend, and this is a generalization, to be fairly nice guys. I don't mean Nice Guys (tm), but genuinely nice people...we want to be accepted, but just don't know how. Additionally, as evidenced by some of the other posts, when we focus on something, we get it done. If we focus on cold approaching we'll put in the numbers, we'll try to get good at it, and we definitely won't stop until we're so beat down by rejection that there's no other choice. Or we just won't feel the rejection and get discouraged by the amount of time it takes.

I don't think cold approach game is worth the time for someone on the spectrum. The number of approaches to lays is just off, and the amount of signals that will be just completely missed is staggering. Was she un-interested or did you just not have the right framework / script? The person on the spectrum will never know for sure, so they'll rigidly stick to the script they had. Of course I'm saying this as someone who doesn't really do cold approach game, so take it as what you will.

What I think does work is social circle game and apps. Apps are great, you can run your replies by someone else before you actually reply, you can follow a fairly strict framework to get someone off the app and into real life, and you can "approach" a ton of women. But they're not for everyone or every location, so the second important thing to learn is social circle game...and I'd start there before worrying about apps. With social circle game you have women (and men) there to vouch that you're a really great guy but maybe just a little weird...but who isn't? You'll disarm a bunch of the typical problems by virtue of having social proof already.

That said, I think it's extremely important to disclose that you're on the spectrum before going too far (even before sex). This helps 1/ generate a bit of goodwill towards you, 2/ let's them know that you're interested, 3/ you're self-aware and 4/ you're comfortable demonstrating a bit of vulnerability. Often times it will lead to "oh, my sister/brother/kid/friend has autism as well so I know what you're talking about".

My personal script is something close to "I'm on the autism spectrum so I'll sometimes go way way way too in depth on certain topics, if that happens and I start boring <smile/wink> you with my description of the mechanics of rollercoasters (or whatever) just let me know and I'll drop it". Then I check in when I notice I've been talking about one thing for a bit -- "did you want me to keep explaining this thing? it's feeling a bit like I'm dominating the convo here". If their answer is anything but "no, I'm really interested, keep talking" I then drop the subject and find something else to talk about. I'll also note that this is after I have them over at my place, so it's highly likely they're planning to have sex anyway.

Now, I know above I said "social circle game" but...how do you develop the circle? First, if you're at all queer presenting I'd highly recommend a queer social event. The people at those events are predisposed to be tolerant of differences, and some social struggles are nothing as long as you can speak the language and aren't jugmental. If not, or if you can't find such an event, then the next best thing is finding an activity that forces interaction. Social dancing is a good one, as is something like a music club (choir? volunteer band?) if you're good at music...there are a ton of possibilites. I'd stay away from social events that don't typically attract women (board games, etc), though if you're legitimately interested and would attend even if you never met someone then do it. You being super passionate about the event will definitely go over well and will lead to good things in the future. I know multiple people from these events that were setup by friends of friends.

Oh, and one last thing, when you go to the event, give up being rigid with your time, and give up hitting on chicks. You're there to meet friends, not chicks. Friends hang out after the event, maybe at a bar, or someone's house. Friends do not usually directly hit on each other, and you're likely not socially calibrated enough to fun-flirt with someone without it being taken the wrong way. The time to find someone to date from the group is after you're in with them and have hung out with them a decent amount, not when you're just meeting everyone.

The second thing I think is of critical importance to the austitic guy is to get really really good at sex. There are tons of videos and ways to research it, so I'm not going to link any suggestions here, but you want to be regularly hearing about how you're the best <oral> <fingering> <lay> whatever that your partner has ever had. This will keep a woman around even if she's not 100% totally into you, and will buy you a ton of grace for your autistic traits when they come up. It will also help get new lays via social circle, since women talk.

And....I think that's enough for today

That's pure gold. Taking for taking the time to write it all up and share. About the cold approach vs social circle. I'd add that there is a third option, it's not either or. You can cold approach to build your social circle, and then bang from there. That third hybrid method sounds like it would sidestep the issues you speak of.

 

[isildur1]

My brother has Asperger’s and speaking from the experience he crashed and burnt badly with women and got used and manipulated in a few ways.





He’s a multimillionaire, artist , pianist and 6 ft so had decent SMV but he just has no self awareness of when women were cheating on him or manipulating him . Growing up he would be very quiet and often not contribute to conversations and would switch off and do his own thing for 5-6 days at a time sometimes- for anyone interested in dating a partner long term that behaviour is just fucked man or woman its just not good to switch off for such long periods of times.


Things got worse aged 20 when he met a Russian woman online , he ran away from home (London ) dropped out of university and married her after two weeks in Siberia - she then cheated on him with three other dudes when they moved back to London.


He then had no luck dating for 15 years then married an Iranian woman a family friend whom he proposed to after again dating for only 3 weeks. Again his partner would complain that he often would go days without saying anything interesting or switching off for large periods of time. For someone to be good at daygame you have to be somewhat social and be keen and have a genuine desire to get to know people - from my experience with people with Asperger’s that genuine desire to get to know people is just not there and bringing that out of them is really really tough and I have no idea how one goes about doing it.


I took some professional photos to try and improve my Asperger’s mate’s dating profile and it felt like a lost cause- I almost felt bad for taking his money like I’d conned him as I knew deep down whatever photos I took he just wasn’t interested in socialising with women and his approaching felt short because women could sense he wasn’t interested or the social desire wasn’t there so to speak.

I think people with Asperger’s also struggle to maintain long term relationships because to continue to stimulate desire as a man you have to be passionate and proactive both of the things you do in life and the people you date and for people with Asperger’s that passion can fade for prolonged periods of time and damage the relationship.


For autism there’s different spectrums of it- I know some severely autistic wings that are just a pain to be around and they will never make progress and women will often clock that they’re autistic anyway and not want to date them. Then I have mild on the spectrum autism and generally they make improvements and do well medium to long term as long as they take advice and implement it well.


So short answer- it depends. If I was a coach I wouldn’t feel comfortable coaching someone if they had Asperger’s I’d be especially concerned after watching my own brother make no real improvements in his dating life in 30 years - it’s a syndrome that can really put of the bulk of woman and stop men from really making connections and can leave them isolated-prone to bad relationships and manipulative women who are aware of their insufficiencies and see it as an opportunity to take advantage of a visa/passport

 

[isildur1]

In the last couple of years I have met and gotten to know several autistic guys. The traits they have in common are

- generally being very nice guys
- requiring lots of repetition to learn something new
- frequent use of inappropriate rude jokes (no problem for me but I can see how many girls would find it off putting)
- difficulty accepting doing new things due to lots of fear
- resorting to using dating apps to get new girls exclusively
- getting action only from girls who are DTF

I think Warped Mindless is right that these guys are hard work to help out but at least in a work context I have seen how they can learn new stuff. The one guy who has settled down has ended up with an autistic girl. Perhaps finding another autistic person is the way to go for them long-term.

yeah i noticed alot of these attributes in my brother who's got Asperger's

yeah a few of my autistic wings had difficulties maintaining LTRS but they were extremely intelligent and quick to adapt academically - in terms of cold approaching some did well - some struggled - a kinda mixed bag , some girls would get put off by inappropriate jokes or weird conversation.