- Joined
- Jul 31, 2023
- Messages
- 344
I think I am missing something big here, because I'm also trying to present similar things, but I don't feel it obviously leads to these results. I mean I am indeed changing career trajectories, want to explore myself, and I am not sure of what I'll be doing few years down the road, so I personify all these things extremely well.My favourite way of disqualifying myself as a bf is setting the frame that I'm in a transition point in my life and trying new things.
1. It puts her in the right frame of mind (more curious, open, and energetic)
2. It makes me come across like I'm usually dialled in (reliable), but at this particular point in life things happen to be more exploratory and up in the air (exciting/unreliable)
3. It leads into better conversation topics and she brings out more of her adventurous/spontaneous side to find commonality with me
4. It naturally leads into sexual adventure
But in general, I feel that even if I talk about things along these lines I don't get any obvious reaction that they see me as a lover and not a boyfriend. If I ask them about men, they still talk about how they like their relationships to be, and they mention attractive characteristics of guys mostly under the lens of going for a relationship. I feel I have to be extra obvious with all the exploring thing and liking new experiences in order for them to realise how this is going.
Could it be that I set the right frames but I don't see it? Because I get the feeling sometimes that ok she doesn't seem to get it, I have to start talking about how I like new sexual experiences, and how I love exciting fast sex. But then it feels like I am force feeding her all this stuff, which has the opposite result.
Another issue I have, which may be connected to the previous one is how to set all these frames without coming off as a loser that they want nothing to do with. I suspect having strong fundamentals helps, then they see you as an exciting sexy guy, and since, you have nothing else to offer you just have sex. Maybe I'm just not there yet and when I become sexier all these previous issues will disappear.
That said, like the Girls Chase site recommends, I have worked on my tone, my body language, my social skills, and all my fundamentals to the point where I come across as 'classy', if nothing else. I know for a fact that women have always seen me as a guy with a lot of potential, even if not as an established guy. And that's an important characteristic even for short term relationships. Potential is exciting. Being stuck is not.
And this is exactly what I feel the goal would be. Which seems very interesting to me, because we talk about how to disqualify as a boyfriend and don't come off as provider, but in the end, as you describe here, girls absolutely love seeing this potential in you, even if you both just want sex.
Maybe this is some misunderstanding about these concepts I've had, because for me what you described is a high value male that a woman would dream of being able to tie down. So when I was reading about the idea of disqualifying from that, I was going fully the opposite way, thinking I have to present myself as someone with totally unclear future, no care about how society perceives him, fully casual and interested only in the sexual aspect of the interaction. Basically a person that you would never be seen out with, but satisfies your sexual needs.
And I think this has been my problem, because I lose all the social aspect of the interaction and go directly to the: Look, we can have amazing sex together, that's the thing I'm offering you, for the rest go find someone else.