Socializing When a smooth/charismatic guy talks to your girl and ignores you

[Skills]

Well.. what can I say . I honestly do not like to suffer some waiters obnoxiousness while I am trying to enjoy myself. and no I dont see it as being paranoid. I mentioned I wouldnt care about the girls colleague. but some working guy who has no idea of boundaries, yeah sorry, not so sorry boys. But I also think you guys always think in terms of PUA. Everything is pua. And admittedly the OP asked a pua question, but for me things are sometimes not pua anymore but another person getting on my nerves, which is not "paranoia" btw. Paranoia is when you are afraid of things which are not there. Wrong diagnosis.

but I wrote this. that I am not "mate guarding" in this scenario. anyway this is going to become a flame war again.. or whatever. So... Ill take my leave and hope I made some kind of sense to OP. In the end it is a personal choice. There is this enneagram thing which is about personalities I read a lot.. apparently Chase does too., It shows why people react differently to some situations. beyond pua.

Dark night, i was making the point that you came to mind, before i saw you posted..i found it like o cold read.... I am not flaming, but anyways let me explain why this is bad... To you and James and i really like you both, before you guys take the love as anything else beyond help to improve....red pill guys as anology are always paranoid about women then always end up with the worst kind of women due to their paranoia and self fulfilling prophecies... Cause the issue is they project indirectly their paranoia and becomes at times self fulfilling... Sometimes is good to have a chill attitude and no care... I recommend you and James read a book call the fountainhead, whenever you guys get a chance...

 

[DarkKnight]

who you calling “you people” lol

Haha I knew that was phrased bad

Though it's clear that for @James D and @DarkKnight it's affecting their well-being in the moment.

POB I am not emotionally involved in this post...

 

[James D]

Thank you for your reponses @POB , @Will_V and @DarkKnight

And thanks for linking the thread that Karea started on this similar topic @Will_V

Actually, it's exactly the issue I'm having and the responses there are pretty good. Will sit and go through them.

Interesting to see the different personalities and ways of interpreting the same situation.

Good point @topcat on the differences in emotional sensitivity. While there's no emotional arousal registered for you in these situations, it's the contrary for me. At this point, not caring isn't an effective method because I would simply be repressing the emotions. That's why I'd gravitate towards a more active way of handling the situation.

@Skills thanks for your response, although I don't agree at all but not looking to start a flame war here. Just googled the book you suggested, seems like it's a philosophical fiction. Will check it out.

 

[Skills]

Thank you for your reponses @POB , @Will_V and @DarkKnight

And thanks for linking the thread that Karea started on this similar topic @Will_V

Actually, it's exactly the issue I'm having and the responses there are pretty good. Will sit and go through them.

Interesting to see the different personalities and ways of interpreting the same situation.

Good point @topcat on the differences in emotional sensitivity. While there's no emotional arousal registered for you in these situations, it's the contrary for me. At this point, not caring isn't an effective method because I would simply be repressing the emotions. That's why I'd gravitate towards a more active way of handling the situation.

@Skills thanks for your response, although I don't agree at all but not looking to start a flame war here. Just googled the book you suggested, seems like it's a philosophical fiction. Will check it out.

Notice how you and dark night are bringing up avoiding "flame war" this is a perfect example of what i am talking about , how you take my point as "flame war" or avoiding "flame war" when there is none, you can disagree and bring your points, trust me no flame war will happen cause you call me out or disagree, at least on my end unless is in bad faith..... Anyways here is a good sample of what i am talking about, this happens in the clubs a lot, a guy/or lesbian will start trying to get your girl and do all the dancing monkey (i dealt with both lesbian and dudes), you chill lean back none reactive or open other women, guy or lesbo gets too exited and try hard smelling blood> girl in turn gets bored or sense eagerness or know what they are trying to do>end up coming back to you cause you are none reactive chilling and the guy/lesbo is getting too exited (and sometimes women set this up on purpose as a jealousy plot line)... I have laid multiple girls, in same scenarios, again even against an amazing player/lesbian, looks similar to this:

^ just chilling, sometimes i will ignore her and talk to other women and they come right back...


same here, how in my previous entry i reference in some cases how i fake flatter, on when i say "i want to be like you""look at you" "you are the shit" "you are a pimp" etc...: minute: 3:26 how he dealt with the dude:

If you read the fountainhead by ayn rand is an amazing actually seduction book on sigma(i know sigma is now a meme due to retards watering it down and bastardizing the whole term), non reactiveness, secret society, containment, sexual dominance, good read... Legit!

if you disagree shoot, don't worry about flame war, is not gonna happen on my end..

 

[James D]

Notice how you and dark night are bringing up avoiding "flame war" this is a perfect example of what i am talking about , how you take my point as "flame war" or avoiding "flame war" when there is none, you can disagree and bring your points, trust me no flame war will happen cause you call me out or disagree, at least on my end unless is in bad faith..... Anyways here is a good sample of what i am talking about, this happens in the clubs a lot, a guy/or lesbian will start trying to get your girl and do all the dancing monkey (i dealt with both lesbian and dudes), you chill lean back none reactive or open other women, guy or lesbo gets too exited and try hard smelling blood> girl in turn gets bored or sense eagerness or know what they are trying to do>end up coming back to you cause you are none reactive chilling and the guy/lesbo is getting too exited (and sometimes women set this up on purpose as a jealousy plot line)... I have laid multiple girls, in same scenarios, again even against an amazing player/lesbian, looks similar to this:

^ just chilling, sometimes i will ignore her and talk to other women and they come right back...


same here, how in my previous entry i reference in some cases how i fake flatter, on when i say "i want to be like you""look at you" "you are the shit" "you are a pimp" etc...: minute: 3:26 how he dealt with the dude:

If you read the fountainhead by ayn rand is an amazing actually seduction book on sigma(i know sigma is now a meme due to retards watering it down and bastardizing the whole term), non reactiveness, secret society, containment, sexual dominance, good read... Legit!

if you disagree shoot, don't worry about flame war, is not gonna happen on my end..

Thanks for your response.

I wasn't asking how to lay girls in this situation but rather, how to handle when it's your gf.

But yeah, I get the gist of it and plenty of helpful responses here, including yours.

I'll digest and come back if anything's not clear.

And no worries, man, I know you're not out there to start a flame war.

Btw, I got laid using your 3 bounce date method today

And thank, I'll check the book, sounds interesting!

 

[DarkKnight]

Notice how you and dark night are bringing up avoiding "flame war" this is a perfect example of what i am talking abou

Skills it is just because the previous thread about this escalated poorly and I really do not want to get drawn in. Not a reflection of my current interaction with you.

But as a light note, I will give this fountainhead book a shot once because according to pua community it is better than Lord of the Rings

 

[James D]

it is better than Lord of the Rings

My inner nerd got triggered big time

 

[Valiant1293]

Not a chick you're picking up but a girl you're out with who's clearly your gf.

And I'm not talking about guys hitting on my girl (altho some of them may have that intention)

My girl is the spitting image of a young Monica Bellucci and she gets a lot of attention from guys. She doesn't actively flirt or does anything to embarass me but she does respond pleasantly to people talking to her.

I've had it happen with charismatic waiters, cab drivers and most recently, my girl's previous male colleague.

They'll engage with my girl while giving me the minimum attention just enough so it's not rude. They're so under the radar and pleasant that it's hard to call them out without seeming too reactive.

Usually they're not doing anything serious like trying to pick her up but it still bothers the heck out of me.

I find myself in a situation where I'm left out while the guy makes smooth conversation with my girl, which she responds to politely.

Recently this cab driver engaged in a pretty animated convo with my girl for the whole ride.

I tried to insert myself in the convo and he acknowledged me while smoothly redirecting to my girl.

I can't really call my girl out on it cuz she's not actively flirting or anything.

She's being polite and probably enjoys a pleasant social interaction.

How do you guys handle that?

Many things to point out.

You should be excited when your girl get around guys, because now you get to see who she really is. Cause she can tell you anything, what matters is her actions, is she really loyal. You should see it as fun, not annoying.


Now, what’s major red flag is that she has lengthy conversations with “men” in front of u and doesn’t include you.

So, I have slightly above average good looks so I’m used to women flirting with me and initiating flirting; women 95% of the time initiate indirectly. enough of these scenarios and you’ll identify the patterns.

here’s the point….
So I used to do Uber full time and inevitably I’d run into couples, and I could always tell the faithful girl vs the cheating girls. TLDR More or less, the loyal ones would either always redirect the conversation to include their S/O, remain completely silent, or let their man do MOST of the talking in the car. —— The hoes/cheaters however wouldn’t care to add their man in the convo, would be doing the MOST talking, and just friendly. Even if she doesn’t initiate convo, a friendly bitch that doesn’t include her man is a bitch that doesn’t want to. She wants new dick.

I’m not saying this is your girl but these traits I’ve seen them too many times and as soon as a woman got in my car doing the most talking I already knew she didn’t respect her boyfriend and i could fuck.

so there’s a possibility she doesn’t know etiquette, and you do have to train your woman how to be with YOU, I could be wrong, so be a righteous King and let her know next time she disrespects you, it was fun but you gotta let her go. Not harshly, keep it player, you think a player is mad or sad when he loses a bitch?

the reason I say (IMO) why there should be an ultimatum is because you think she won’t be jealous if a charming girl was all in your face and you didn’t include her. She’ll only not be jealous if she doesn’t really like you and is trying to get rid of you

 

[Skills]

Many things to point out.

You should be excited when your girl get around guys, because now you get to see who she really is. Cause she can tell you anything, what matters is her actions, is she really loyal. You should see it as fun, not annoying.


Now, what’s major red flag is that she has lengthy conversations with “men” in front of u and doesn’t include you.

So, I have slightly above average good looks so I’m used to women flirting with me and initiating flirting; women 95% of the time initiate indirectly. enough of these scenarios and you’ll identify the patterns.

here’s the point….
So I used to do Uber full time and inevitably I’d run into couples, and I could always tell the faithful girl vs the cheating girls. TLDR More or less, the loyal ones would either always redirect the conversation to include their S/O, remain completely silent, or let their man do MOST of the talking in the car. —— The hoes/cheaters however wouldn’t care to add their man in the convo, would be doing the MOST talking, and just friendly. Even if she doesn’t initiate convo, a friendly bitch that doesn’t include her man is a bitch that doesn’t want to. She wants new dick.

I’m not saying this is your girl but these traits I’ve seen them too many times and as soon as a woman got in my car doing the most talking I already knew she didn’t respect her boyfriend and i could fuck.

so there’s a possibility she doesn’t know etiquette, and you do have to train your woman how to be with YOU, I could be wrong, so be a righteous King and let her know next time she disrespects you, it was fun but you gotta let her go. Not harshly, keep it player, you think a player is mad or sad when he loses a bitch?

the reason I say (IMO) why there should be an ultimatum is because you think she won’t be jealous if a charming girl was all in your face and you didn’t include her. She’ll only not be jealous if she doesn’t really like you and is trying to get rid of you

Total none sense, some women get off trying to show off and show boyfriend date that she is wanted... Doesn't mean is a read flag or she is going to cheat... Jesus

 

[empath]

Many things to point out.

You should be excited when your girl get around guys, because now you get to see who she really is. Cause she can tell you anything, what matters is her actions, is she really loyal. You should see it as fun, not annoying.


Now, what’s major red flag is that she has lengthy conversations with “men” in front of u and doesn’t include you.

So, I have slightly above average good looks so I’m used to women flirting with me and initiating flirting; women 95% of the time initiate indirectly. enough of these scenarios and you’ll identify the patterns.

here’s the point….
So I used to do Uber full time and inevitably I’d run into couples, and I could always tell the faithful girl vs the cheating girls. TLDR More or less, the loyal ones would either always redirect the conversation to include their S/O, remain completely silent, or let their man do MOST of the talking in the car. —— The hoes/cheaters however wouldn’t care to add their man in the convo, would be doing the MOST talking, and just friendly. Even if she doesn’t initiate convo, a friendly bitch that doesn’t include her man is a bitch that doesn’t want to. She wants new dick.

I’m not saying this is your girl but these traits I’ve seen them too many times and as soon as a woman got in my car doing the most talking I already knew she didn’t respect her boyfriend and i could fuck.

so there’s a possibility she doesn’t know etiquette, and you do have to train your woman how to be with YOU, I could be wrong, so be a righteous King and let her know next time she disrespects you, it was fun but you gotta let her go. Not harshly, keep it player, you think a player is mad or sad when he loses a bitch?

the reason I say (IMO) why there should be an ultimatum is because you think she won’t be jealous if a charming girl was all in your face and you didn’t include her. She’ll only not be jealous if she doesn’t really like you and is trying to get rid of you

Curious how many of those you laid? What is your process to grab that girls number, like how do you fly under the radar in front of her bf?

 

[empath]

who you calling “you people” lol

i hear you. That definitely doesn’t apply to me. give been like this long before I knew about PUA. From my perspective it looks like differences in emotional sensitivity. And i don’t mean that disrespectfully. There is simply no emotional arousal experienced in these situations. I’m not “trying” to PUA anything, it just doesn’t register AT ALL.

For somebody who has greater emotional erousal that doesn’t make sense, because for them they’d have to “try” to suppress the emotion. Which they do in “PUA” contexts.

Where as for me, when i see you guys get your hackles raised over a waiter, it looks like jealousy and paranoia, because that’s the only way my mind can make sense of the behaviour..

We’re different personality types trying to proscribe motivations for behaviours we don’t understand.

Given this, misattribution is demonstrably rife.

Curious in general, how do draw the line what is respectful and who is disrespecting you.

Usually, thinking that this is a petty situation and don't matter in the long term helps me to remain calm and diminish my emotional arousal, still if I am fatigued or in a low mood, I will get triggered i.e. revert back to my old self.

 

[James D]

Curious in general, how do draw the line what is respectful and who is disrespecting you.

As you can see in this thread, different folks draw lines differently based off what they consider disrespectful or not, which varies across the board.

Determine what you consider disrespectful for yourself and draw the line.

When someone tiptoes around it, you let them know (without overheating) and enforce those boundaries.

 

[empath]

As you can see in this thread, different folks draw lines differently based off what they consider disrespectful or not, which varies across the board.

Determine what you consider disrespectful for yourself and draw the line.

When someone tiptoes around it, you let them know (without overheating) and enforce those boundaries.

The reason I am asking is the less concerned you are with respect, less you will react to tooling attempts and you will come off as more cool.

Eg. There was a guy with me we were randomly talking to a girl, she suddenly started roasting her/shit testing him.

Now it didn't registerd in his mind that she is roasting him, he gave her replies with the same calm, like earlier.

To us he came off as a more cool person, compared to someone who tries to tool her back or roast and is unsuccessful.

To continue the same example, let's take someone who does nothing to this girl but we can perceive from outside he is being brothered by her comments. (Still come off as low value)

Yeah if someone is able to tool her back/pass shit test (he will generate attraction obviously)

But not registering it itself is risk averse and attraction netural.

Another example comes to my mind is a girl who I know is smart but can't process that is she is being roasted, now no point tooling her right?

Case in point will be your earlier point if you wouldn't have registered some one not listening to you as a slight you would asked someone else to do the action or would have done it yourself and other party would have looked socially retarded, without you taking any action.

"I think being secure in oneself is a big part of what one takes as an insult or not." - basically for small
/Petty stuff

People love to tease/tool those who are visibly affected by those teases

Happy to hear thoughts of others on it.

 

[James D]

The reason I am asking is the less concerned you are with respect, less you will react to tooling attempts and you will come off as more cool.

Eg. There was a guy with me we were randomly talking to a girl, she suddenly started roasting her/shit testing him.

Now it didn't registerd in his mind that she is roasting him, he gave her replies with the same calm, like earlier.

To us he came off as a more cool person, compared to someone who tries to tool her back or roast and is unsuccessful.

To continue the same example, let's take someone who does nothing to this girl but we can perceive from outside he is being brothered by her comments. (Still come off as low value)

Yeah if someone is able to tool her back/pass shit test (he will generate attraction obviously)

But not registering it itself is risk averse and attraction netural.

Another example comes to my mind is a girl who I know is smart but can't process that is she is being roasted, now no point tooling her right?

Case in point will be your earlier point if you wouldn't have registered some one not listening to you as a slight you would asked someone else to do the action or would have done it yourself and other party would have looked socially retarded, without you taking any action.

"I think being secure in oneself is a big part of what one takes as an insult or not." - basically for small
/Petty stuff

People love to tease/tool those who are visibly affected by those teases

Happy to hear thoughts of others on it.

I don't know man, this sounds kinda complicated and draining to me.

Mind opening that up in another thread?

I don't wanna be notified if this turns into another back and forth.

As far as I'm concerned, as to my initial query, I've got more than enough to think about based off the nice variety of replies.

 

[James D]

Many things to point out.

You should be excited when your girl get around guys, because now you get to see who she really is. Cause she can tell you anything, what matters is her actions, is she really loyal. You should see it as fun, not annoying.


Now, what’s major red flag is that she has lengthy conversations with “men” in front of u and doesn’t include you.

So, I have slightly above average good looks so I’m used to women flirting with me and initiating flirting; women 95% of the time initiate indirectly. enough of these scenarios and you’ll identify the patterns.

here’s the point….
So I used to do Uber full time and inevitably I’d run into couples, and I could always tell the faithful girl vs the cheating girls. TLDR More or less, the loyal ones would either always redirect the conversation to include their S/O, remain completely silent, or let their man do MOST of the talking in the car. —— The hoes/cheaters however wouldn’t care to add their man in the convo, would be doing the MOST talking, and just friendly. Even if she doesn’t initiate convo, a friendly bitch that doesn’t include her man is a bitch that doesn’t want to. She wants new dick.

I’m not saying this is your girl but these traits I’ve seen them too many times and as soon as a woman got in my car doing the most talking I already knew she didn’t respect her boyfriend and i could fuck.

so there’s a possibility she doesn’t know etiquette, and you do have to train your woman how to be with YOU, I could be wrong, so be a righteous King and let her know next time she disrespects you, it was fun but you gotta let her go. Not harshly, keep it player, you think a player is mad or sad when he loses a bitch?

the reason I say (IMO) why there should be an ultimatum is because you think she won’t be jealous if a charming girl was all in your face and you didn’t include her. She’ll only not be jealous if she doesn’t really like you and is trying to get rid of you

Cringe.

 

[empath]

I don't know man, this sounds kinda complicated and draining to me.

Mind opening that up in another thread?

I don't wanna be notified if this turns into another back and forth.

As far as I'm concerned, as to my initial query, I've got more than enough to think about based off the nice variety of replies.

Sure, if any of mod can split this one or closing this is also fine.

 

[Skills]

The reason I am asking is the less concerned you are with respect, less you will react to tooling attempts and you will come off as more cool.

Eg. There was a guy with me we were randomly talking to a girl, she suddenly started roasting her/shit testing him.

Now it didn't registerd in his mind that she is roasting him, he gave her replies with the same calm, like earlier.

To us he came off as a more cool person, compared to someone who tries to tool her back or roast and is unsuccessful.

^ exactly!

To continue the same example, let's take someone who does nothing to this girl but we can perceive from outside he is being brothered by her comments. (Still come off as low value)

correct

Yeah if someone is able to tool her back/pass shit test (he will generate attraction obviously)

But not registering it itself is risk averse and attraction netural.

Another example comes to my mind is a girl who I know is smart but can't process that is she is being roasted, now no point tooling her right?

Case in point will be your earlier point if you wouldn't have registered some one not listening to you as a slight you would asked someone else to do the action or would have done it yourself and other party would have looked socially retarded, without you taking any action.

"I think being secure in oneself is a big part of what one takes as an insult or not." - basically for small
/Petty stuff

People love to tease/tool those who are visibly affected by those teases

Happy to hear thoughts of others on it.

women flirting is not "roasting" is actually a good thing, and ignoring is passing a shit test! and is very attractive being unreactive...

 

[empath]

^ exactly!


correct

women flirting is not "roasting" is actually a good thing, and ignoring is passing a shit test! and is very attractive being unreactive...

See only thing bother me is processing these emotions, if you end up processing something as insult, even if you are not reacting, your non verbals will give indication that you are bothered.

Best is not to register it. How do you draw the line is question.

Though, I think what I am discussing is border in scope than this specific thread, best if this thread is split off.

 

[Bill Juan]

It seems unnecessary. Your girl’s enjoying a conversation, why interrupt that?

What purpose does it serve?
What threat is posed by the man?
Why would paying them no mind and letting her yap be a poor reaction?

It is not that simple.
Women in a relationship observe everything. Evry single thing and it registers in their subconscious.

Letting her talk to another guy is fine, but letting him disrespect you in the process will hurt your relationship on the long term. You might not even see the effects u til weeks later .

The right way to react in such situations is to show " positive dominance". Be positive , be playful , but take control of and dominate the conversation.

- touch the guy in a dominant way: hand on shoulders, holding him by the shoulders, taps on the back etc

- verbally dominate him as well: an easy way to do so is to tell him what to do to please your woman. " Haha man she likes cats, that's important to know, it's ok you can get her a drink she will wait for you here " etc. It's actually better if the guy doesn't know she is your girlfriend or you don't talk about it openly . Build a conspiracy with your girl where you exchange glances and let the guy play himself .

- doing all of this , maintain the genuine smile on your face to show that you are friendly and not being malicious. Don't be condescending. Apper genuinely like a friendly and open person.

- if you try to take over the conversation and the guy still ignores you , don't get mad but don't wait for him to finish talking to her either . Find an excuse , take her by the hand and move with her . Or just move her around without saying anything. If she asks why tell her the guy was being disrespectful to you .

 

[topcat]

Letting her talk to another guy is fine, but letting him disrespect you in the process will hurt your relationship on the long term. You might not even see the effects u til weeks later .

a taxi driver having a pleasant conversation with your girl is disrespect?

if she starts acting funny cuz i couldn’t be bothered to interrupt her pleasant conversation, then she better be worried about losing me lol