Ok so ya frustrated lack of control on itis what do u suggest I do to regain control
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You need to cut contact, i gave u already couple of suggestions...i linked u to a break up post with tons of info, links and videos..it. is a painful process, you feel like shit, hopeless etc... most members found community after break ups...
Last edited:
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- Mar 9, 2020
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Deff deleted some numbers just for being mad and regretted it later, sometimes it's important though to move on, focus your energies elsewhere... Can be a bit of a drag to see this contact of this girl you wanted but didn't quite got everytime you're trying to message someone.
But yeah, why would you block? Unless the girl is legit nuts and it's spamming you with messages or something lol
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he calls block cutting contact, his terminology is off....
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Ironically when you are not one itising you can use block/unblock as machiavellian push pull. Punish/reward but this guy is not there yet. We also need to be less harsh.. but short and concise. I swear I dislike when these guys write super verbose questions when usually the problem is clear (too invested)
I actually meant block on the phone initially however that would have been a precursor to the hard next! Thanks for the advice the strong hard truth helped me decide what the problems are and how to deal with them
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Alright, just remember none of us are as polished as we come across. Most of us had a rough start in at least some areas
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@Chad Tyrone,
Not sure what "sees through it" means... unless you are trying to use the text some way it is not designed?
The right way to use ball-in-her-court is when you have genuinely persisted past the point of caring to persist any further with the girl.
All the message says, in a more eloquent way, is "I'm doing persisting. Hit me up if you decide you want to take this more seriously." Ball in her court.
If, on the other hand, you are being really needy, and are going to ball-in-her-court her, then text her again a week later yourself without her texting first, then yeah, it was just a BS text you sent and she may "see through" that.
Right, that's it... you are using this text wrong.
If you're going to text her again without her texting you to meet up though... then you should not be sending the ball-in-her-court text. Otherwise you are sabotaging your own frame.
If you're not at the point where you can quit texting a girl and not think about her ever again because you've got 5-10 other girls in your phone (or on your cock), you may want to shelve the BIHC text until you're further along.
@miker,
So in other words she is #1 from here:
That's your solution right there, assuming that meeting her to shag her again is the object.
Also, "she's not out banging other dudes but she is out getting wasted and not having sex with me"... I have been there, and the truth is, she is almost definitely out banging other dudes... she just hasn't found a dude she is ready to fully commit to to the point where she doesn't feel the need to keep you around as a backup plan any longer. See here:
www.girlschase.com
Chase
Not sure what "sees through it" means... unless you are trying to use the text some way it is not designed?
The right way to use ball-in-her-court is when you have genuinely persisted past the point of caring to persist any further with the girl.
All the message says, in a more eloquent way, is "I'm doing persisting. Hit me up if you decide you want to take this more seriously." Ball in her court.
If, on the other hand, you are being really needy, and are going to ball-in-her-court her, then text her again a week later yourself without her texting first, then yeah, it was just a BS text you sent and she may "see through" that.
Right, that's it... you are using this text wrong.
If you're going to text her again without her texting you to meet up though... then you should not be sending the ball-in-her-court text. Otherwise you are sabotaging your own frame.
If you're not at the point where you can quit texting a girl and not think about her ever again because you've got 5-10 other girls in your phone (or on your cock), you may want to shelve the BIHC text until you're further along.
@miker,
miker said:
So in other words she is #1 from here:
That's your solution right there, assuming that meeting her to shag her again is the object.
Also, "she's not out banging other dudes but she is out getting wasted and not having sex with me"... I have been there, and the truth is, she is almost definitely out banging other dudes... she just hasn't found a dude she is ready to fully commit to to the point where she doesn't feel the need to keep you around as a backup plan any longer. See here:
Back Pocket Mentality, Pt. II: The Holding Pattern
A year ago, I talked about women’s back pocket mentality: keeping a man in reserve, his appetite wetted for them, thirst for them unquenched. It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men waiting for their shots with...
www.girlschase.com
Chase
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2020
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- 638
They always are hehe, it's the cold hard truth, but it's also beautiful once you realise you can be this dude, for many girls.
@Chad Tyrone,
Not sure what "sees through it" means... unless you are trying to use the text some way it is not designed?
The right way to use ball-in-her-court is when you have genuinely persisted past the point of caring to persist any further with the girl.
All the message says, in a more eloquent way, is "I'm doing persisting. Hit me up if you decide you want to take this more seriously." Ball in her court.
If, on the other hand, you are being really needy, and are going to ball-in-her-court her, then text her again a week later yourself without her texting first, then yeah, it was just a BS text you sent and she may "see through" that.
Right, that's it... you are using this text wrong.
If you're going to text her again without her texting you to meet up though... then you should not be sending the ball-in-her-court text. Otherwise you are sabotaging your own frame.
If you're not at the point where you can quit texting a girl and not think about her ever again because you've got 5-10 other girls in your phone (or on your cock), you may want to shelve the BIHC text until you're further along.
@miker,
So in other words she is #1 from here:
That's your solution right there, assuming that meeting her to shag her again is the object.
Also, "she's not out banging other dudes but she is out getting wasted and not having sex with me"... I have been there, and the truth is, she is almost definitely out banging other dudes... she just hasn't found a dude she is ready to fully commit to to the point where she doesn't feel the need to keep you around as a backup plan any longer. See here:
Back Pocket Mentality, Pt. II: The Holding Pattern
A year ago, I talked about women’s back pocket mentality: keeping a man in reserve, his appetite wetted for them, thirst for them unquenched. It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men waiting for their shots with...
Chase
U may be right but she barely has gone out only to a a couple functions with ppl in her circle which she has no interest in and the other nights she went to some concerts then got dragged to certain bars and would text me to see where I’m at and I wouldn’t respond and then she’d call and whatev …I knew where she was cuz we spoke all day about shit…maybe she is down to fuck another due maybe but I’m almost certain that isn’t the case… the other guys pointed out my problem I’m too highly invested it’s making me needy and this has transpired throughout the relationship when she was initially the needy and suffocating one it’s almost as if being in this relationship has made me more like her …kinda an interesting transformation I’d say as I have been aware of it and see it transpire…time to tie my shoes lift up my socks and work on seduction again.@Chad Tyrone,
Not sure what "sees through it" means... unless you are trying to use the text some way it is not designed?
The right way to use ball-in-her-court is when you have genuinely persisted past the point of caring to persist any further with the girl.
All the message says, in a more eloquent way, is "I'm doing persisting. Hit me up if you decide you want to take this more seriously." Ball in her court.
If, on the other hand, you are being really needy, and are going to ball-in-her-court her, then text her again a week later yourself without her texting first, then yeah, it was just a BS text you sent and she may "see through" that.
Right, that's it... you are using this text wrong.
If you're going to text her again without her texting you to meet up though... then you should not be sending the ball-in-her-court text. Otherwise you are sabotaging your own frame.
If you're not at the point where you can quit texting a girl and not think about her ever again because you've got 5-10 other girls in your phone (or on your cock), you may want to shelve the BIHC text until you're further along.
@miker,
So in other words she is #1 from here:
That's your solution right there, assuming that meeting her to shag her again is the object.
Also, "she's not out banging other dudes but she is out getting wasted and not having sex with me"... I have been there, and the truth is, she is almost definitely out banging other dudes... she just hasn't found a dude she is ready to fully commit to to the point where she doesn't feel the need to keep you around as a backup plan any longer. See here:
Back Pocket Mentality, Pt. II: The Holding Pattern
A year ago, I talked about women’s back pocket mentality: keeping a man in reserve, his appetite wetted for them, thirst for them unquenched. It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men waiting for their shots with...
Chase
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- Jun 21, 2021
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- 290
I really focus on nuance when reading your posts.I don't think I have a problem with texting.What I really meant with "seeing through it "was she may see that u wanna prompt a text out of her that is if she is not replying.I mean we learn all this to come across more high value...keeping on persisting after some point makes you lose that.
I have tried it and pretty rare for a lead to text me back .But,when I deleted the no, forgotten all about her,I started seeing pings.Maybe,she noticed I withdrew my attention and sought after me.Closed a lead that I deleted actually.
I don't want to relinquish my control.That's it.A ball-in-her-court text makes me feel that way (giving power to her). Again ,I'm talking of leads not replying back.
But don't u ever feel a sense of loss of control when u keep texting and texting and texting a chick that won't come out,having paid all your dues fundamentally and game-wise .Don't you?
A chick who wants you will always make it easier for you.All the game I learned is to make things easier for her,why would she want to make it harder for me,Why?I'm not bitter and I ain't knocking you here.
I would say the game from you guys is pretty sic . Working for bitches wanting you.Myself,I'm yet unable to find a guy doing what we do.A bitch with an eye for greatness will have you,a bitch without will see you like the others.I really appreciate a gal seeing the difference in me,most guys texting game is terrific.Pathetic
If she doesn't see how easier I'm making it for her or the difference in me from the other losers ...I'm out.I ain't joining the herd.Kinda playing the waiting game.This is me giving her a chance without being a big deal.
Hope this sheds more light
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Haha...tryna save face.See it.
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Cutting contact or blocking her as you put it is when you have made everything easier for her and nothing pans out.Considering ur fundamentals and texting game are on point ,u should be bailing every single time u feel a lesser.You have persisted more than two or three times,still playing aloof?Bail.Ghosted you two times yet you played it casual and acted non-needy?Bail.Sent her a resurrection text,no reply?Bail.Met her,asked her out in person,plays coy?Bail
Get it?Man ,Chase's game is more than awesome to use it with uninterested gals.Trust me,a gal interested in you will be on your side.Most of monologue-y texts are games and they are pretty lame.Go play better games where you have people playing it on ur level.
Does an uninterested lady know how much u have or had to work on yourself?No.An interested lady will always appreciate the effort you put in into you.These are the inveterate connoisseurs of men Chase talks about.
I can't imagine the tiresome process that goes into learning all this to be demeaned or lessened by a chick playing games .Easy .Yes or No?No excuses or pushing it to an unknown Future.No bitch is running a company big enough to lack time to get back to you .Most are basic.It's all a game.See it... and play it better by not falling for it.
Get it?Man ,Chase's game is more than awesome to use it with uninterested gals.Trust me,a gal interested in you will be on your side.Most of monologue-y texts are games and they are pretty lame.Go play better games where you have people playing it on ur level.
Does an uninterested lady know how much u have or had to work on yourself?No.An interested lady will always appreciate the effort you put in into you.These are the inveterate connoisseurs of men Chase talks about.
I can't imagine the tiresome process that goes into learning all this to be demeaned or lessened by a chick playing games .Easy .Yes or No?No excuses or pushing it to an unknown Future.No bitch is running a company big enough to lack time to get back to you .Most are basic.It's all a game.See it... and play it better by not falling for it.
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- Mar 9, 2020
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My two cents: are you trying to feed your ego or get laid?
Ultimately what works to get girls works, but how far you are willing to go it's up to you.
Most girls you cut contact with will just forget about you (just like you said, they don't lack company), not think "wow he's such a chad, takes no shit from girls, I guess I was wrong about him, let me jump on his lap now". In my opinion the ball in your court text is better than nothing, and still leaves the doors open for something, in case she really was busy/going through something major (not just uninterested, but in case she changes her mind, it's there). Blocking girls then it's a step up in the dumbness, you're just showing how butthurt you are. You send it and forget about her, fucking other girls that actually are going out with you, then maybe two weeks later will you complain if you get a "freebie"? Or would you rather delete her number/block her/whatever? It's up to you by the end of the day, but if you already went throught the trouble of getting her contact and texting her enough to feel like there's not much of a chance, I guess I can say that it really is just some move to preserve your ego and nothing more.
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Both
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@Chad Tyrone,
Correct. That's the entire point of the text, to prompt a reply out of her
Whether 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months... you want her to reply back with when she is free so you can set up a date.
It's why you tell her to tell you when she is free so you can set up a date.
That is also the point of the text. "I'm done persisting, but the door's still open if you decide you want to get serious."
I think you're worried she is going to think, "Oh, he said he wants to see me... once again! He must be low value."
Use it right and instead it goes like this:
Yeah, that's interesting.
Maybe you are using the BIHC text too late. Persist, persist, persist... now you have persisted too many times. Then BIHC, and it's overkill. So you do better just going radio silent altogether.
I've never had much luck with simply not texting women. They very rarely get back to me that way. BIHC has a pretty consistent ~50% efficacy rate though.
Could be you are doing something different in your approach with women. Women seem to always be waiting for me to tell them what to do, and if I don't, they just don't do anything. I must be spoiling these girls!
Think about that for a moment: you are saying: "If I tell a woman to do something, that is me relinquishing control. However, if I simply go radio silent on her, I remain in control."
My guess is what you are after is not actually control (because you have less of it going radio silent than you do giving women specific instructions to follow).
What it sounds like you are really after is the option to contact her again at any time.
When I used to try to do that, I did.
With ball-in-her-court you should never get that feeling. As soon as it reaches the point where you go, "I am wasting my time with this chick," she gets a BIHC text, at which point she can text back or not; you're over it.
She might not be deleted in your phone, but she's deleted in your mind...
If you are meeting enough girls, you should just be opening up your messages, there's your 10 most recent messages, or whatever; unresponsive chick is cleared outta there in a few days or a week max; you don't even see her unless you go scrolling through messages or trawling your contacts list... but why would you do that... nostalgia? Old time's sake? If you're really that hard up for someone to talk to, go approach a few new girls.
Yeah, if she's 8 or 9 or 10 on the interest scale, she will.
If she's just lukewarm she won't. If she's on the fence, she definitely won't.
You need to be able to tell those girls what to do, then busy yourself elsewhere while they decide if they're going to do it or not.
This is how every normal guy thinks, amigo.
First it's that "I've gotta keep pinging her until I get her!" and then when it doesn't work it's "Well screw that chick, she doesn't see my value, I'm out."
This is not the mindset of a pro. The veteran does not take any of this personal. He is not worried about girls "seeing his value" and auto-rejecting ones who don't seem to. Nor is he chasing and hoping early on.
He has a process he goes through, where he persists a certain number of times, gauges her response, and if she isn't responding he runs through his contingencies, until he reaches whatever his last shot is (in the case of my texting process, it's the BIHC text), and then he's done.
He isn't emotional about it. He wasn't excited thinking he'd found an amazing girl when he stated texting her, because you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life no matter how good the initial connection is, nor is he frustrated thinking she doesn't see his value when he can't get her out at first, because, again, you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life.
If she pops back up after N weeks, he doesn't say to himself, "Well, too bad for her, she didn't see my value, she lost her chance!" Instead he says, "Hmm, I wonder what changed in her life that she's available and interested now."
You just need to run through enough girls and do enough of this stuff that it stops being personal to you and just becomes a process, and the stuff you feel when you're newer and you're taking rejections personally cools off. As soon as you stop taking rejections personal, a shift occurs where all these things that were unrecoverable rejections when you were younger become mild speed bumps now, and you start getting a lot of these girls you would not have gotten only a few years earlier.
Chase
Correct. That's the entire point of the text, to prompt a reply out of her
Whether 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months... you want her to reply back with when she is free so you can set up a date.
It's why you tell her to tell you when she is free so you can set up a date.
That is also the point of the text. "I'm done persisting, but the door's still open if you decide you want to get serious."
I think you're worried she is going to think, "Oh, he said he wants to see me... once again! He must be low value."
Use it right and instead it goes like this:
- Day 1: she gets the text: "Hmm, I wonder if he's just playing around. Give it a week and he'll be texting me again."
- Day 7: "Whew, that was a busy week. Hey, Chad hasn't texted yet. He's really waiting, isn't he?"
- Day 14: "Oh yeah, remember that guy, Chad? He never texted again, did he? He must have genuinely meant he wasn't going to chase me around anymore. Wow, he must be talking to other girls to just drop off like that."
- Day 21: "It's really bugging me that Chad said he was going to drop off and then just literally dropped off. I should see what he's up to. Maybe he's still around." [sends text]
Yeah, that's interesting.
Maybe you are using the BIHC text too late. Persist, persist, persist... now you have persisted too many times. Then BIHC, and it's overkill. So you do better just going radio silent altogether.
I've never had much luck with simply not texting women. They very rarely get back to me that way. BIHC has a pretty consistent ~50% efficacy rate though.
Could be you are doing something different in your approach with women. Women seem to always be waiting for me to tell them what to do, and if I don't, they just don't do anything. I must be spoiling these girls!
Think about that for a moment: you are saying: "If I tell a woman to do something, that is me relinquishing control. However, if I simply go radio silent on her, I remain in control."
My guess is what you are after is not actually control (because you have less of it going radio silent than you do giving women specific instructions to follow).
What it sounds like you are really after is the option to contact her again at any time.
When I used to try to do that, I did.
With ball-in-her-court you should never get that feeling. As soon as it reaches the point where you go, "I am wasting my time with this chick," she gets a BIHC text, at which point she can text back or not; you're over it.
She might not be deleted in your phone, but she's deleted in your mind...
If you are meeting enough girls, you should just be opening up your messages, there's your 10 most recent messages, or whatever; unresponsive chick is cleared outta there in a few days or a week max; you don't even see her unless you go scrolling through messages or trawling your contacts list... but why would you do that... nostalgia? Old time's sake? If you're really that hard up for someone to talk to, go approach a few new girls.
Yeah, if she's 8 or 9 or 10 on the interest scale, she will.
If she's just lukewarm she won't. If she's on the fence, she definitely won't.
You need to be able to tell those girls what to do, then busy yourself elsewhere while they decide if they're going to do it or not.
This is how every normal guy thinks, amigo.
First it's that "I've gotta keep pinging her until I get her!" and then when it doesn't work it's "Well screw that chick, she doesn't see my value, I'm out."
This is not the mindset of a pro. The veteran does not take any of this personal. He is not worried about girls "seeing his value" and auto-rejecting ones who don't seem to. Nor is he chasing and hoping early on.
He has a process he goes through, where he persists a certain number of times, gauges her response, and if she isn't responding he runs through his contingencies, until he reaches whatever his last shot is (in the case of my texting process, it's the BIHC text), and then he's done.
He isn't emotional about it. He wasn't excited thinking he'd found an amazing girl when he stated texting her, because you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life no matter how good the initial connection is, nor is he frustrated thinking she doesn't see his value when he can't get her out at first, because, again, you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life.
If she pops back up after N weeks, he doesn't say to himself, "Well, too bad for her, she didn't see my value, she lost her chance!" Instead he says, "Hmm, I wonder what changed in her life that she's available and interested now."
You just need to run through enough girls and do enough of this stuff that it stops being personal to you and just becomes a process, and the stuff you feel when you're newer and you're taking rejections personally cools off. As soon as you stop taking rejections personal, a shift occurs where all these things that were unrecoverable rejections when you were younger become mild speed bumps now, and you start getting a lot of these girls you would not have gotten only a few years earlier.
Chase
Chase I read this article and it really resembles my situation kinda sad though seeing this when u think u can really trust this person thanks for sharing this article@Chad Tyrone,
Not sure what "sees through it" means... unless you are trying to use the text some way it is not designed?
The right way to use ball-in-her-court is when you have genuinely persisted past the point of caring to persist any further with the girl.
All the message says, in a more eloquent way, is "I'm doing persisting. Hit me up if you decide you want to take this more seriously." Ball in her court.
If, on the other hand, you are being really needy, and are going to ball-in-her-court her, then text her again a week later yourself without her texting first, then yeah, it was just a BS text you sent and she may "see through" that.
Right, that's it... you are using this text wrong.
If you're going to text her again without her texting you to meet up though... then you should not be sending the ball-in-her-court text. Otherwise you are sabotaging your own frame.
If you're not at the point where you can quit texting a girl and not think about her ever again because you've got 5-10 other girls in your phone (or on your cock), you may want to shelve the BIHC text until you're further along.
@miker,
So in other words she is #1 from here:
That's your solution right there, assuming that meeting her to shag her again is the object.
Also, "she's not out banging other dudes but she is out getting wasted and not having sex with me"... I have been there, and the truth is, she is almost definitely out banging other dudes... she just hasn't found a dude she is ready to fully commit to to the point where she doesn't feel the need to keep you around as a backup plan any longer. See here:
Back Pocket Mentality, Pt. II: The Holding Pattern
A year ago, I talked about women’s back pocket mentality: keeping a man in reserve, his appetite wetted for them, thirst for them unquenched. It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men waiting for their shots with...
Chase
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2021
- Messages
- 290
persisting, but the door's still open if you decide you want to get serious."
I think you're worried she is going to think, "Oh, he said he wants to see me... once again! He must be low value."
Use it right and instead it goes like this:
- Day 1: she gets the text: "Hmm, I wonder if he's just playing around. Give it a week and he'll be texting me again."
- Day 7: "Whew, that was a busy week. Hey, Chad hasn't texted yet. He's really waiting, isn't he?"
- Day 14: "Oh yeah, remember that guy, Chad? He never texted again, did he? He must have genuinely meant he wasn't going to chase me around anymore. Wow, he must be talking to other girls to just drop off like that."
- Day 21: "It's really bugging me that Chad said he was going to drop off and then just literally dropped off. I should see what he's up to. Maybe he's still around." [sends text]
Yeah, that's interesting.
Maybe you are using the BIHC text too late. Persist, persist, persist... now you have persisted too many times. Then BIHC, and it's overkill. So you do better just going radio silent altogether.
I've never had much luck with simply not texting women. They very rarely get back to me that way. BIHC has a pretty consistent ~50% efficacy rate though.
Could be you are doing something different in your approach with women. Women seem to always be waiting for me to tell them what to do, and if I don't, they just don't do anything. I must be spoiling these girls!
Think about that for a moment: you are saying: "If I tell a woman to do something, that is me relinquishing control. However, if I simply go radio silent on her, I remain in control."
My guess is what you are after is not actually control (because you have less of it going radio silent than you do giving women specific instructions to follow).
What it sounds like you are really after is the option to contact her again at any time.
When I used to try to do that, I did.
With ball-in-her-court you should never get that feeling. As soon as it reaches the point where you go, "I am wasting my time with this chick," she gets a BIHC text, at which point she can text back or not; you're over it.
She might not be deleted in your phone, but she's deleted in your mind...
If you are meeting enough girls, you should just be opening up your messages, there's your 10 most recent messages, or whatever; unresponsive chick is cleared outta there in a few days or a week max; you don't even see her unless you go scrolling through messages or trawling your contacts list... but why would you do that... nostalgia? Old time's sake? If you're really that hard up for someone to talk to, go approach a few new girls.
Yeah, if she's 8 or 9 or 10 on the interest scale, she will.
If she's just lukewarm she won't. If she's on the fence, she definitely won't.
You need to be able to tell those girls what to do, then busy yourself elsewhere while they decide if they're going to do it or not.
This is how every normal guy thinks, amigo.
First it's that "I've gotta keep pinging her until I get her!" and then when it doesn't work it's "Well screw that chick, she doesn't see my value, I'm out."
This is not the mindset of a pro. The veteran does not take any of this personal. He is not worried about girls "seeing his value" and auto-rejecting ones who don't seem to. Nor is he chasing and hoping early on.
He has a process he goes through, where he persists a certain number of times, gauges her response, and if she isn't responding he runs through his contingencies, until he reaches whatever his last shot is (in the case of my texting process, it's the BIHC text), and then he's done.
He isn't emotional about it. He wasn't excited thinking he'd found an amazing girl when he stated texting her, because you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life no matter how good the initial connection is, nor is he frustrated thinking she doesn't see his value when he can't get her out at first, because, again, you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life.
If she pops back up after N weeks, he doesn't say to himself, "Well, too bad for her, she didn't see my value, she lost her chance!" Instead he says, "Hmm, I wonder what changed in her life that she's available and interested now."
You just need to run through enough girls and do enough of this stuff that it stops being personal to you and just becomes a process, and the stuff you feel when you're newer and you're taking rejections personally cools off. As soon as you stop taking rejections personal, a shift occurs where all these things that were unrecoverable rejections when you were younger become mild speed bumps now, and you start getting a lot of these girls you would not have gotten only a few years earlier.
C
@Chad Tyrone,
Correct. That's the entire point of the text, to prompt a reply out of her
Whether 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months... you want her to reply back with when she is free so you can set up a date.
It's why you tell her to tell you when she is free so you can set up a date.
That is also the point of the text. "I'm done persisting, but the door's still open if you decide you want to get serious."
I think you're worried she is going to think, "Oh, he said he wants to see me... once again! He must be low value."
Use it right and instead it goes like this:
- Day 1: she gets the text: "Hmm, I wonder if he's just playing around. Give it a week and he'll be texting me again."
- Day 7: "Whew, that was a busy week. Hey, Chad hasn't texted yet. He's really waiting, isn't he?"
- Day 14: "Oh yeah, remember that guy, Chad? He never texted again, did he? He must have genuinely meant he wasn't going to chase me around anymore. Wow, he must be talking to other girls to just drop off like that."
- Day 21: "It's really bugging me that Chad said he was going to drop off and then just literally dropped off. I should see what he's up to. Maybe he's still around." [sends text]
Yeah, that's interesting.
Maybe you are using the BIHC text too late. Persist, persist, persist... now you have persisted too many times. Then BIHC, and it's overkill. So you do better just going radio silent altogether.
I've never had much luck with simply not texting women. They very rarely get back to me that way. BIHC has a pretty consistent ~50% efficacy rate though.
Could be you are doing something different in your approach with women. Women seem to always be waiting for me to tell them what to do, and if I don't, they just don't do anything. I must be spoiling these girls!
Think about that for a moment: you are saying: "If I tell a woman to do something, that is me relinquishing control. However, if I simply go radio silent on her, I remain in control."
My guess is what you are after is not actually control (because you have less of it going radio silent than you do giving women specific instructions to follow).
What it sounds like you are really after is the option to contact her again at any time.
When I used to try to do that, I did.
With ball-in-her-court you should never get that feeling. As soon as it reaches the point where you go, "I am wasting my time with this chick," she gets a BIHC text, at which point she can text back or not; you're over it.
She might not be deleted in your phone, but she's deleted in your mind...
If you are meeting enough girls, you should just be opening up your messages, there's your 10 most recent messages, or whatever; unresponsive chick is cleared outta there in a few days or a week max; you don't even see her unless you go scrolling through messages or trawling your contacts list... but why would you do that... nostalgia? Old time's sake? If you're really that hard up for someone to talk to, go approach a few new girls.
Yeah, if she's 8 or 9 or 10 on the interest scale, she will.
If she's just lukewarm she won't. If she's on the fence, she definitely won't.
You need to be able to tell those girls what to do, then busy yourself elsewhere while they decide if they're going to do it or not.
This is how every normal guy thinks, amigo.
First it's that "I've gotta keep pinging her until I get her!" and then when it doesn't work it's "Well screw that chick, she doesn't see my value, I'm out."
This is not the mindset of a pro. The veteran does not take any of this personal. He is not worried about girls "seeing his value" and auto-rejecting ones who don't seem to. Nor is he chasing and hoping early on.
He has a process he goes through, where he persists a certain number of times, gauges her response, and if she isn't responding he runs through his contingencies, until he reaches whatever his last shot is (in the case of my texting process, it's the BIHC text), and then he's done.
He isn't emotional about it. He wasn't excited thinking he'd found an amazing girl when he stated texting her, because you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life no matter how good the initial connection is, nor is he frustrated thinking she doesn't see his value when he can't get her out at first, because, again, you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life.
If she pops back up after N weeks, he doesn't say to himself, "Well, too bad for her, she didn't see my value, she lost her chance!" Instead he says, "Hmm, I wonder what changed in her life that she's available and interested now."
You just need to run through enough girls and do enough of this stuff that it stops being personal to you and just becomes a process, and the stuff you feel when you're newer and you're taking rejections personally cools off. As soon as you stop taking rejections personal, a shift occurs where all these things that were unrecoverable rejections when you were younger become mild speed bumps now, and you start getting a lot of these girls you would not have gotten only a few years earlier.
Chase
Ok let's set things straight.For me some years back I watched a video by Hector ...the one on throwing the ball in her court and it really resonated with me.I had used it lots of times none worked.And it wasn't some shit to do with I'm on my phone waiting for that bitch to reply back just cause I sent her some bhic text.I was off meeting other ladies and as u say I wasn't going through my texts saying it's been ten days now she hasn't replied back.I had leads that wanted me and I had completely forgotten about uninterested leads.@Chad Tyrone,
Correct. That's the entire point of the text, to prompt a reply out of her
Whether 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months... you want her to reply back with when she is free so you can set up a date.
It's why you tell her to tell you when she is free so you can set up a date.
That is also the point of the text. "I'm done persisting, but the door's still open if you decide you want to get serious."
I think you're worried she is going to think, "Oh, he said he wants to see me... once again! He must be low value."
Use it right and instead it goes like this:
- Day 1: she gets the text: "Hmm, I wonder if he's just playing around. Give it a week and he'll be texting me again."
- Day 7: "Whew, that was a busy week. Hey, Chad hasn't texted yet. He's really waiting, isn't he?"
- Day 14: "Oh yeah, remember that guy, Chad? He never texted again, did he? He must have genuinely meant he wasn't going to chase me around anymore. Wow, he must be talking to other girls to just drop off like that."
- Day 21: "It's really bugging me that Chad said he was going to drop off and then just literally dropped off. I should see what he's up to. Maybe he's still around." [sends text]
Yeah, that's interesting.
Maybe you are using the BIHC text too late. Persist, persist, persist... now you have persisted too many times. Then BIHC, and it's overkill. So you do better just going radio silent altogether.
I've never had much luck with simply not texting women. They very rarely get back to me that way. BIHC has a pretty consistent ~50% efficacy rate though.
Could be you are doing something different in your approach with women. Women seem to always be waiting for me to tell them what to do, and if I don't, they just don't do anything. I must be spoiling these girls!
Think about that for a moment: you are saying: "If I tell a woman to do something, that is me relinquishing control. However, if I simply go radio silent on her, I remain in control."
My guess is what you are after is not actually control (because you have less of it going radio silent than you do giving women specific instructions to follow).
What it sounds like you are really after is the option to contact her again at any time.
When I used to try to do that, I did.
With ball-in-her-court you should never get that feeling. As soon as it reaches the point where you go, "I am wasting my time with this chick," she gets a BIHC text, at which point she can text back or not; you're over it.
She might not be deleted in your phone, but she's deleted in your mind...
If you are meeting enough girls, you should just be opening up your messages, there's your 10 most recent messages, or whatever; unresponsive chick is cleared outta there in a few days or a week max; you don't even see her unless you go scrolling through messages or trawling your contacts list... but why would you do that... nostalgia? Old time's sake? If you're really that hard up for someone to talk to, go approach a few new girls.
Yeah, if she's 8 or 9 or 10 on the interest scale, she will.
If she's just lukewarm she won't. If she's on the fence, she definitely won't.
You need to be able to tell those girls what to do, then busy yourself elsewhere while they decide if they're going to do it or not.
This is how every normal guy thinks, amigo.
First it's that "I've gotta keep pinging her until I get her!" and then when it doesn't work it's "Well screw that chick, she doesn't see my value, I'm out."
This is not the mindset of a pro. The veteran does not take any of this personal. He is not worried about girls "seeing his value" and auto-rejecting ones who don't seem to. Nor is he chasing and hoping early on.
He has a process he goes through, where he persists a certain number of times, gauges her response, and if she isn't responding he runs through his contingencies, until he reaches whatever his last shot is (in the case of my texting process, it's the BIHC text), and then he's done.
He isn't emotional about it. He wasn't excited thinking he'd found an amazing girl when he stated texting her, because you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life no matter how good the initial connection is, nor is he frustrated thinking she doesn't see his value when he can't get her out at first, because, again, you never really know where her head is at or what else is going on in her life.
If she pops back up after N weeks, he doesn't say to himself, "Well, too bad for her, she didn't see my value, she lost her chance!" Instead he says, "Hmm, I wonder what changed in her life that she's available and interested now."
You just need to run through enough girls and do enough of this stuff that it stops being personal to you and just becomes a process, and the stuff you feel when you're newer and you're taking rejections personally cools off. As soon as you stop taking rejections personal, a shift occurs where all these things that were unrecoverable rejections when you were younger become mild speed bumps now, and you start getting a lot of these girls you would not have gotten only a few years earlier.
Chase
Hector talked great in the video ,been looking it up for months now before this came up....wish someone to post it here to make my point hit more home.I hate to say it and get it misconstrued.But he was more like throwing the ball in her court isn't pretty ideal.The guy should be leading... something of the sort.Fuck this was years back.
And again it really resonated with me and if a thing really resonates with me I file it away in the back of mind.I deeply introspect myself and I took years introspecting my game and I have tried it with lots of gals.For the bhic text,I did it early,late,name it.Most bitches are indoctrinated with Tik-Tok-ey stuff to seek you out."Don't text him first" and other bs I can't stand.
I know my talk comes across as bitter or something but I'm from that.This is me giving the truth.The thing with deleting nos is more of minimalism for me.Really impresses me with a few leads in my phone chasing me , texting me back,high interest levels and stuff.Why do u have to have a thousand nos in ur phone and only ten leads are after you.Why? Pretty clutter for me.Im off deleting the nos if she's really interested she'll seek me out .Most guys with lots of no are showing them off yet they hardly close.Losers.
I mean I'm more like you guys ...with the bhic text u aim to get her to reach out to you later on just like deleting her no aims to for me.Deleting is better ,u are better off with peace of mind,less clutter in ur phone,a bitch seeking you out is highly interested if u didn't send her the bhic text.Just like it worked for me,I simply deleted a lead I was working on and after a week she sought me .Think about that.Yet I never send her a bhic text .
Yeah I know nuance is everything and I get it this is a forum but talking with more advanced guys I don't think I had to focus on that.I thought pretty much most of guys here pick up on stuff .My bad.I should cater to the whole audience.
I ain't approval-seeking but one thing for sure is I'm far from normal.Damn I hate mediocrity.Don't jump to conclusions too early.Here comes the nuance I avoided.When deleting a lady's no I'm not like"fuck that bitch...she should know how great I am and see all these other bitches swooning over me.Lemme delete her no."Lol.Far from that
After persisting for long,I simply stop sending her texts and go on to delete it from my phone.I say to myself,I showed up
threw my invite out to the world...more of a take it or leave it vibe.If she comes after me ,I'm fine with it.If she doesn't,no skin off my nose.I have been rejected with bitches and I never took it personal.Ever.I wish her a nice day and walk away.Matter of fact I was rejected yesterday by a lady wished her a good one with a pat on the back and walked seeking better pastures.Found a better lead,took her no and she is more interested in me.I love it.This is what I want.
Bitch saying I don't give my no,yet I have tried addressing her objections? Great.Have a nice day.What do u do?talks like she does want to or gives off something lame -thats none of your business.Great,have a nice one.
I make it easier for her,she makes it easier for me,then I'm game.I make it easier for her,she makes it harder for me,I'm out.I know I showed up lovely one.Sounds normal?
lol.A bitch seeing you are persisting and is interested will show up ime.A bitch seeing you are persisting and doesn't reply after the bhic text ,yet it's meant to prompt a text out of her,is probably playing some kindergarten games.Bet this is more nuanced , brother.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2020
- Messages
- 638
Ye I feel you, but you don't know if she's really playing games or if she legit has a bunch of problems she can't get over to go and meet you. People are complicated. All you see on your screen, is your interaction with her, but she's got a whole life, not only the other guys trying their luck with her, but her job/school, her family, her other duties or whatever.
It's fine to delete a girls number and move on if that's what you wanna do, but I think you're being maybe a bit too rigid on how you play the game. If you're unexperienced and just want to get a general point of view with women and some (or a lot) of lays quickly, that's totally fine, and maybe even the best approach. But later down the line, if you really wanna get with some specific women, you're going to be a bit more flexible, willing to have more patience, to put a bit more effort in some interactions. I wrote a post on a journal as an answer, but I think it explains what I'm talking about better, and it's something I've been thinking about lately and it's been showing some potential for me, at least: being more flexible.
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2021
- Messages
- 290
"One does not accumulate but eliminate.It is not daily increase but daily decrease.The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity"~Bruce Lee
Never knew inexperienced is a guy willing to cut off leads that are going nowhere
.That's true abundance.I'll do what works for me.And by the way,I'm flexible.That's why I calibrate.