Work in progress.

[Flames]

This is my current 'hit list' I'm not going into great details but this is where I am today so tomorrow
I can remember where I've been.

Girl 1 - L

Older women, Friend, NO AA, very flirty, No. Closed, then Kclosed, took 5 years (very slow) we get on great an could most definitely take it further, but wasn't what I'm looking for, still good friends, still very flirty.

Girl 1 - V

Started off flirty, had a lot of pre-selection going on already, Had lots of AA, moderate compliance, haven't seen for 8 or so months after a fairly quick auto-rejection (and not realising that's what it was), saw her the other day, didn't say hi coz I didn't realise it was her until after and then couldn't remember her name, she didn't greet me either but did look right at me. Back on the board?

Girl - L2

Started off flirty, was ok then got AA, which I pushed through, AA a bit off and on, great while we're alone, possibly lesbian, fairly compliant, does things without asking, awful logistics, very pretty, definitely my favourite.

Girl - A

Started off non-verbal about 6months ago, she escalates me, very compliant, waits for me to catch up when she sees me, bet friendly, can't understand a word she says usually, coz she waffles, and has a foreign accent, quite cute though, had a play scuffle in the lift, the most flirty I've met, possibly bi-sexual <rumour> quite HSD?

Girl - E (new)

Noticed her the other day, cute, friendly, slightly negged her, give me a coy smile, always looking at me when around her, sticks around to help, very polite. Moderate logistics, too new to judge properly but she seems ok so far. No AA not really turned on the charm yet.

Logistics wise the girl I like most is the worst, and the one I want least is the best, which is just about right for me, lol.

Prettyness - in order best(L2,E,A,V,L)worst

Gaming - in order L no game, L2 & E - low game ,V and A moderate game. Although E probably because I've only seen her once or twice.

Duration - earliest (L,V,L2 & A, E)

Chemistry - best(L2,L,A,E?,V?)

There's others but theyve all tended to blend together, these are my TOP 5

So that's my stats for today.

 

[Flames]

I'm thoughly tired with L2's on and off, hot and cold BS. The latest encounter she deliberately doesn't look at me walks past, she had to make an effort NOT to look at me. I walk off come back see her again, same thing. Then she does no more than leans against a desk facing me while I walk past. I didn't bite...

Anyway I had a minor epiphany girl A, when she sees me stops, waits and makes sure she acknowledges me every time with no slip ups, L2 is flakey, minorly disrespective and TBH doesn't know what she wants, which is me btw. L2 gets my cold shoulder, A gets my attention, yes she may not be as pretty, but she's still pretty and she has respect for me.

I don't know why I'd fall for this every time but today it changes...

 

[Flames]

I woke up this morning feeling like I'm at the beginning of a realisation, though I'm not sure what it is yet.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Prettyness - in order best(L2,E,A,V,L)worst

Gaming - in order L no game, L2 & E - low game ,V and A moderate game. Although E probably because I've only seen her once or twice.

Duration - earliest (L,V,L2 & A, E)

Chemistry - best(L2,L,A,E?,V?)

There's others but theyve all tended to blend together, these are my TOP 5

So that's my stats for today.

I really like how specific you delved into your goals and situation. I, have a "hit-list", too. Looking forward to seeing your success!

 

[Flames]

Girl A said she "hadn't seen me for ages", which in girl code means "it's nice seeing you"

I Actually did have my opiphany, which in short means I worked out what went wrong with L2, basically my fault, but the full analysis may come later, when I've worked out how to put it across in text.

 

[Flames]

So here's where I think I went wrong with L2. I could be way out here but it's what seems to fit best based on my experience with other girls. 

I think initially she did like me and when she 1st started acting weird it was because she got jealous of my talking to that other girl. Then because that threw me off (essentially she broke rapport) everything else was based on my reaction to that. I started to realise I liked her, and I assumed she knew this but I dont think she did at this point (maybe still doesn't). Until that point I was fairly rock solid and this threw an element of doubt on both sides.

When she tried making me jealous by talking to the other guy, she realised that a) It bothered me b) I wasn't going to capitulate to her 'Jealousy game'. She started to suspect I like her again and so 'allowed me' back in.

At this point she realises I'm uncomfortable around her dept so rather than push things forward this way she patiently waits till we're alone, so she can 'probe me'. By this point though she is leading. She discovers that we get on really well but can't (or rather won't) tell me she likes me because that would mean showing her hand, so we've now entered this long drawn out poker game were neither one of us is going to reveal their hand before the other. 

Another part of this is based on something I was reading about non-verbal communication. 

It stated "that people communicate in different ways, when people approach people they say 'hello' without ever saying a word"

So my current thinking is that her turning up, and turning towards me (no matter where she's looking) is actually her saying hello, without saying hello. In her eyes it's 'obvious' in my eyes it's her displaying that she doesn't want to know me because I was looking for what she wasnt doing, rather than what she was doing. Its also mirroring what I was doing when I was uncomfortable around her dept.

The same thing happens when she shows up, she doesn't say hello verbally, says something 'obscure', but does this by standing straight facing, looking me in the eye. She is communicating with her body position (which is her way) rather than with EC (which would be my way, but would be obvious to others).

When we're off the deptment the rules are different we can be more open with each other, hence the way she hip bumps and 'pokes me' with things. She's starting to be a bit flirty, which started off as something slightly flirty and nervous, and is now becoming more confident and extroverted. Shes essentially testing me because she wants to know where the boundaries are. She knows that I'm solid enough not to pander to her will, but not so aloof as to be cold and unfeeling. 

So basically were feeling our way around each other and because we're a lot alike it's making it both difficult and strangely compelling. She may or may not be gay and that could be why she seems to be moving so slowly. It could also be that she's just not the chasing kind and that this is new to her either way it's a long haul with this one (as I've said before)

Now if you compare this to how things with Girl A are going. I was never uncomfortable. I started to chase her and when I got no response I backed off, she likes to chase and I'm letting her do that. Which is why its escalating really well. Its also
helps that she's very flirty to start with and so on that level we get on well, and she's even stopped babbling so I can actually understand what she saying some of the time. 

Good things:-

Rapport when alone
Understanding of each others situation
Proximity/body language - read proximics
Kino - is more or less there - read haptics
Doesn't seem to want to auto-reject, which I'd have expected already.

Bad things:-

Rapport in company
Misreading body language
Slowness of escalation - not none existent, but slow, terribly slow.

Like I said this is all speculation and I could be way off but this is what my gut is telling me, and my logical side is in agreement. Most people won't be able to or even want to
analyse things on this level, but I seem to be able to do this and it still doesn't change the fact your still better off taking a path of least effort, but despite the REM cycles I've associated with this task I think (and partially hope) she's worth the effort, she makes me laugh, a lot and that's worth a lot to me.

And anyway I'm still getting layed... And for anyone I haven't bored to death already the L2 story is here

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=847

 

[Flames]

Now here's something new L2 actually 'chased' and she was demonstrating value (or Investment or something) she's never done that before, could be good, could be bad but a similar thing happened with girl A, albeit a lot easier and faster.

I actually couldn't think of anything 'quick' to say but I just smiled and went on my way, could be good timing as I'll actually be fairly free for the next 2 weeks, though the chances of that kind of 'lucky break' are rare.

 

[Flames]

Read a couple of interest GC articles this morning

https://www.girlschase.com/content/teasing-girl-right-way

https://www.girlschase.com/content/tell-if-a-girl-likes-you

Oh and this also

https://www.girlschase.com/content/when-women-test-men

 

[Flames]

I'm confused..... I saw L2 again today, she stops in the middle of her dept. I approach, say 'hello' and she wrinkles her nose (as if she's thinking, not in disgust) and let's me walk past without saying a thing.... What the hell?

I might have to take drastic action and send a Facebook invite and 'have it out' with her, by text. either that or just make sure I'm on her dept as much as possible. I don't see her that much off dept so that's not going to be much of an option. It's not really what I want to do but I can't see any other way now =/ but then again I've no idea how to do that without becoming Facebook stalker-ish either.

 

[Flames]

Saw this over on changingminds.org which is one of my favourite site and contains the stuff I read mostly before chases stuff.

http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/games/attraction_rejection_game.html

Now who does that sound like? Lol.

Just read Chases post about purpose. I think I could probably write another 10,000 words on that, but I won't.

 

[Flames]

The more I get into this the more I notice other people's personality traits.

2 things girls-wise there's 1 girl who every time I'm near her scratches her right ear, and another girl who'll walk across the road towards me, but then looks entirely at the ground when she passes me, and I mean straight down, red faced and everything.

Peoples idiosyncratices fascinate me..

 

[Flames]

What a strange week this has has been..I've been in some kind of zone.

I've had numerous things going on this week, had a girl just chase framing me, flirtingly. I had one of those EC moment when your obviously both checking each other out, and then both smile.

Ex

me: look
Her: look, scans down
Me: scans down
her: look
Me : look
Her : smiles
Me: smiles
Her: blushes but remains looking at me.

GirlA: keeps going on about she hasn't seen me for ages despite having seen her the previous day.

Even GirlL2- said 'hi flames, how are you?' she's never ever used my name in all the time I've known her, and before that a few days earlier she was talking to her friend and floating about the dept, but the entire time she was facing me, and you could tell she was watching where I was.

Another one was doing the 'probe' ie assessing my marital status etc...

And I seem to be attracting tall girls ATM, I
Mean really tall 6ft+

Oh even nervous, blushing girl was looking at me until I busted her.

 

[Flames]

Something's changed with L2 we keep having these short comvos recently where we're talking but we just lock eyes. I mean we've always had good EC but this is something else entirely. I'm not sure if it's because made myself be a little less grumpy or if it's just coincidence, indeed yesterday I was almost chipper. She's started doing this thing again where she realises I'm there and she momentarily freezes, then carries on. I've noticed she's also cracking a few more jokes around me, she keeps calling me 'lazy' but jokingly and it's as if she knows I value hardwork and deliberately picked that saying it in a way that says the opposite, it's really hard to explain. It's like saying 'I hate you' in a flirty way. She's still quite nervous when she speaks I think, like she's either in-experienced in 'banter' and she's trying to work out how far she can go, or she's actually bothered I may not find it funny. *anyway*

On another note, as an observation I was offering help to this new girl who needed directions, she was with a 'friend' and all the time she was facing me, and chatty but her friend was turned away from me and towards her, never spoke to me, and almost trying to drag away, to no avail, great example of both good and bad body language and for a change it was the prettier of the two that was engaging (for want of a better word). Although I don't think I'm improving numbers-wise the quality is certainly way better, plus I used to have this irrational (?) fear of pretty girls and that's gone I actually find a lot of them have better (more positive for one) personalities.

I actually had a few compliments on my verbal skills this week which for me is saying something being as at one point I very rarely spoke at all. I see this as quite a personal achievement.

I liked the post on 'sexy body language for men' as it mentioned a few things I do already, and as usual Chase manages to put it across excellently.

That's enough for today....

 

[Flames]

Funny thing with L2, I've heard a rumour that she maybe going to a party I'm going to so I guess it's make it break time. It's kind of put me off going TBH as Ive got this propensity for doing stupid things when mixing alcohol + girls, though that's not actually stopped me sleeping with them at some point it usually take about 6-8 weeks to 'forgive me'. I'm not even sure anymore that I'm right that she does like me, as apparently she has a few close guy friends, although that in itself makes her odd behaviour even odder, why not just be my friend? We were already becoming friends and she started being odd... and yet again the EC and BL is all there. I don't know maybe I'm just planning for the worst... What do I trust, my instinct or what ppl tell me?

I'm determined not to go out with a negative frame. I always promised myself that if we ever ended up out together (and I mean that in the loosest sense) that I'd at least show my best side. I've had a funny feeling all week I was going to see at this party though. I've said this before and it seems like we're connected, though I don't really believe that there's some really strange coincidences.

Maybe the bet thing to do is stay out of the way till she approaches, but maybe that's just a cop out.

 

[Flames]

Well Saturday was a bit of mixed bag. I didn't see L2 at the party in the evening, but I did see her at work during the day as I spent 6hrs on her dept. (wasn't expecting that) and the odd behaviour has stopped completely. I've no clue as to exactly why, could be my frame, hers, pre-selection, anything really, but she's acting like when I first met her again, warm friendly, a bit more flirty perhaps. I'm not sure if that's better or worse but at least she's stopped trying to confuse me.

The party was ok until everyone started fighting with each other. So I grabbed a few of the regular lads and went out to a bar/club about 2am. Unusually for me when out at night I did actually try a bit of night game, didn't get anywhere of course, but at least I made an effort. I actually love clubbing too much to ever do serious night game I think.

I've said this on other forums though when I have a lot to drink these days I'm still reasonably focused and in control, no matter what. It's like my fundamentals are in-grained and I don't lose it ever..

 

[Flames]

Saw L2 yesterday and she's seems to be going the other way now, calling me by name all the time like

Her. "hi flames, how Are you?"
Me. "I'm fine thank you, how're you?
Her. "I'm good flames."
Me. "blah blah"
Her. "blah blah, Flames"

And she tripped over me, appologises, tripped over me again, and then grabs me to steady herself only she doesn't grab my arm or shoulder, she grabs me round the waist. It's not what I'd really expect for someone trying to adjust their balance.

It seemed a touch on the point of over-friendliness, don't get me wrong I much prefer it this way...

 

[Flames]

Saw L2 again today (off-dept) and again things were going well. I was sat down with my leg crossed and she moves and mirrors the way I'm sat, I put my leg down and so does she. Then she actually turns sidewards and sits about as facing as she could get with two parallel chairs.

She was texting one of the other lads from the party and relaying messages to me from him, not all the time but occasionally, and I confess there was a twinge (just a twinge) of jealousy creeping in, stupid but well nobody's perfect...

I don't think he's any real competition anyway, but still...

 

[Flames]

I've been reading a lot about breaking/building rapport recently and I'm still not sure I get why it makes sense to build It, then break it, and practically the only thing that relates to why a girl would break rapport was suggesting it as a tactic to avoid friendzone (as with a guy would use it to avoid friendzone).

I know how to do it, and actually use it without actually trying, but it's more in a push/pull way.

Another I've been thinking about is now even though the touch barrier is broken with L2 (and probably was broken earlier, technically). I still have a problem reciprocating it, whatever way I think would be acceptable still feels creepy/weird when I go over it in my head. It's something I know must do but also something I have a real problem with, and always have had, it's not like I don't do it with others, but even so.

 

[Flames]

Again I see L2 today there's a bit of a crowd, and she ignores I'm there.

There's something I'm missing I'm sure here she can't seriously be that bothered after all this time, enough to not say hello when there's people round and if that's the case then what the hell does that mean? She likes me (obviously) but doesn't want anyone to know? Is she embarressed? Questioning how gay she actually is? (Flamescurious,lol?)

Some girls...pfff

 

[Flames]

Just to finish off I saw her again last night; I was just leaving work and who should come out of the lift but her, grinning at me like a Cheshire cat, she still didn't say anything, she's obviously completely nuts.

As am I....

Oh the thing with the chairs the other day, just to make it clear she was sat next to me in a row of loosely aligned chairs, it wasn't like she was across a room. I just re-read and it wasn't completely clear.