Well, this thread went off the rails pretty quickly.
The discussion between guys who have not done a thing yet, and are speculating about what that thing might be like, is always going to be purely speculative, and quite often far offbase.
It's like the guy who's never had sex before who says "If I was having sex with a girl and she tried to switch to woman-on-top I would kick her RIGHT out the door, because the MAN always has to be on top!" By the time he is actually having sex, and he has put 5 to 10 hours into getting to know this girl and getting her into bed, and he is enjoying the feeling of his penis inside her, if she switches onto woman-on-top he is not going to stop and say, "Hold up. Get off, bitch. Put your clothes on. Get out of here. Don't you EVER disrespect a man like that!"
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When some random PUA guy who's never had a wife / kids / etc. says "if she put on any weight whatsoever I'd be out the door!" vs. when
@Razorjack says "I wouldn't leave my wife just because she put on a few extra pounds over the years" they are speaking from totally different perspectives.
If you look around, you will notice attractive old guys everywhere are still with their wives who are now older and fatter and wrinkled than they were 20 years ago. You might at first say, "How can that be? Does he not realize he can get a younger, hotter model?"
Guys who stay with a woman for many years, where the guy remains attractive, and the woman has some awareness of reality, you may hear the woman joking to the guy sometime: "If you run off with some young thing, just don't forget to leave me the house." She likely thinks he
won't really, but she is also aware that she doesn't have the looks she had, so maybe he will. But the truth is, most guys actually really won't.
People choose mates for (primarily) companionship and reproduction. Much of the time, once you have reached the point where you are married and she is popping out your kids, the biggest part of the evaluation period is over. You are no longer closely monitoring her to say, "What if she doesn't stay as attractive? Does that mean I picked wrong? Should I go get a different one?"
You have already fully vetted her.
You know what you are getting.
You obviously like her enough as a companion to keep her around.
If she puts on a little extra weight during the process of giving you kids, it doesn't bug you as much as it would have if, for instance, you were still single and hooking up and vetting her and suddenly she put on 15 pounds.
Now. If it happens later on, it might still bug you a bit. And you may still be telling her every so often she needs to lose that baby belly she picked up after she birthed # whatever of your kids. But it isn't going to bug you enough you are going to drive her to the divorce office to dissolve the marriage.
The
opposite problem is actually more common: people staying in relationships where one of the partners gets GROSS. Like, hundreds of pounds overweight. Or gets a drug addiction. Or something nasty.
Most of the time when this happens in a long-term committed couple, it is a mutual thing, and they both do it. So unless you
really pick wrong, you are not going to have to worry about your woman becoming a hambeast fentanyl addict while you are eating raw eggs and lifting daily in the gym.
However, you will notice there are these couples where just one of the parties gets gross (usually the non-gross partner just picked way wrong in the beginning), and even then... despite the extremity of the grossness... it is
still NOT easy for the non-gross partner to finally end things and leave!
The non-gross partner goes through deliberation, heartache, spends months or years trying to get the gross partner to fix the grossness, etc.
That is because that person put a bunch of time and vetting into choosing a partner, and leaving often boils down to "Well I guess I chose wrong and have to start all over again."
That decision is a tough one, after you'd already finished the vetting process. And normally it is going to require a ton of very clear evidence that yes, this person you joined forces with was not the person you thought.
A few extra pounds or a few gray hairs or some wrinkles (or, in the woman's case, ups and downs in finances) will not usually be enough evidence for starting the whole process over, at least among healthy people with normal relationships.
ON BROKEN PEOPLE...
There are some folks who are varying degrees of "broken."
These tend to be people with extreme superficial foci, who are not able to have normal, healthy relationships.
This might be a guy who is obsessive about looks, to the point it is all he cares about. He will tend toward trophy wives, and will pressure his girlfriends/wives to get implants, cosmetic surgery, etc., and happily pay for these things to keep them looking how he wants. Or he might go another way with that, and pressure them to constantly come to the gym with him, and get deeply unhappy if they slacken up and get even a very little belly going.
Likewise, there are women who are this way about money. As soon as the guy is making less money, buying fewer gifts, taking them to future trips, they become deeply unhappy. Or if he maintains the same rate as always, but doesn't improve fast enough, they may monkey-branch to another guy with deeper pockets.
There are other things men and women can be fixated on in a partner. But for a lot of men with fixations it is looks, and for a lot of women with fixations it is money.
I have a rather detailed, extensive article on screening for the long-term I suggest guys refer to if they want it, rather than asking Razorjack to do that:
Beyond dates and girlfriends, what should you look for in a wife? 6 things: genes, background, personality, beliefs, age, and life goals. Bit of a departure from our usual fare, but commenting on “Why Madonna/Whore is Intimately Linked with the West”, Jimbo asks: “What kind of girl and where to...
www.girlschase.com
ON OLDER GUYS HAVING AFFAIRS / MISTRESSES...
There is also the phenomenon of older guys having affairs, taking mistresses, etc.
This is somewhat common, especially with financially successful older guys, and ESPECIALLY with older guys who are a.) in the limelight for any reason, and/or b.) away from their families and wives a lot.
This is different from tossing the wife out to replace with a young model. In these cases, most often the man keeps the wife, while having the younger model on the side.
You will notice when the guy gets found out, usually what happens is NOT that he divorces his older wife, who is a little fat, and has gray hair and wrinkles, to run off with his young, hot affair partner.
Instead, what he does is end the affair with the young, hot affair partner, and sticks to his wife.
The wife is the one he has already fully vetted, selected, and bonded with as a companion and as the mother of his children. Unless he has major problems in the relationship with her (which he might sometimes) he is not usually going to choose the young hot girl over his old wife.
It is weird for the young guy looking at this, because he says, "I would never choose to date an old woman like that!"
But the young guy is thinking about it in terms of evaluating a new partner, and in terms of the reproductive value of the woman.
The older married guy is usually not thinking about reproducing anymore. Usually he is past that phase; he has made whatever babies he will make, and no longer needs a fertile womb. He has also already fully evaluated this woman, and found her to his liking enough he decided to put a ring on her finger and a few buns in her oven.
So even if he has an affair (and not every guy will... but greater power and greater time alone can predispose people to this, men and women alike), if faced with a choice, unless things are bad with the wife, he is usually going to choose the wife over doing everything all over again with the young hot girl, and having to deal with starting an entirely new family, or dealing with the drama from her when he sticks with her but never impregnates her and has to override her screaming biological clock, when he is already in his 50s or 60s or more.
CONCLUSION
I guess it is fun to speculate about "If I was married, I would NEVER tolerate X!"
But it is ultimately pretty pointless and dumb if you have not done the thing you are speculating about doing.
"If
I was a pick up artist, I would ONLY sleep with really hot blonde girls! Even if a gorgeous, sexy brunette said she wanted me, I'd say NO! Blonde girls ONLY!" --> yeah okay. Let's see what happens when you're really in that situation. See if you really care that her hair is brown rather than blonde.
Etc.
This is just a young, inexperienced guys thing.
To all the guys who are reading: keep in mind, we have all sorts on the Boards.
We have clueless young dumb guys, and we have wizened older guys. And plenty of older guys in between.
Many posters have their ages listed on their member profiles. There's been some debate among the mods about whether we should show that at all or not... I personally think it should be featured more prominently (like directly on the member info you see on a post).
Because a lot of the discussions on here are going to vary as guys' ages and experiences do.
Anyway. Keep in mind
we are all subject to the end of history illusion: everybody thinks he'll behave in the future the way he thinks right now... even though all of us change radically over time as we pass through life's stages.
Chase
bristollair.com
