A ray of light in the darkness

[ray_zorse]

Zoo girl is back on reception... greeted each other warmly. She told me about her recent assignments. She doesn't organize the sleepovers in the school holidays anymore, a shame cos I had some sexual frames ready... but I think she was happy I remember stuff about her. She complimented my appearance, hmm! But may have felt obliged since I did same last time. Think I noticed rings on her left hand, maybe bad sign? A colleague was in earshot and someone came up behind so I had to eject, I am really frustrated at my inability to move things forward. I think maybe instead of trying to number close, next time I might just ask if she had a break in next couple hours & could meet us & tell us more about her latest work (a video apparently)... might be lower pressure? Hmm.

On Monday a cute teacher at the school initiated eye contact and greeted me in assembly, I know her slightly and I think she a be keen. I have hatched a plan to go visit her in her classroom and say I haven't had the chance to thank her properly for her engaging my son at orientation and persuading him to join the class. I want to get a chase frame in, along the lines that son wasn't the only person she charmed that day, and deep dive her about working with kids etc. Can't decide whether to do it this arvo (but she has 16.00 staff meeting) or next Wednesday morning. I'd prefer to be fresh but OTOH if I move fast it will look like I've just remembered b/c she engaged me at assembly... hmm.

 

[ray_zorse]

Insta date yay!
I have 1.5hrs or so in the middle of the day, between pickups/dropoffs, on a Wednesday and I've been using this for a bit of daygame near my home, I haven't had good results there but I feel it's worth persisting because the logistics are sweet. Some things I've been wanting to focus on lately:
1. Picking women who are already interested in me/receptive to an approach
2. Maintaining my fundamentals during the open (posture, voice, eye contact)
3. Conversation: sexualizing it, banter, sexual tension w/ pauses, eye contact

Anyway so on point 1 I hit the jackpot today, I did what I often do, which is when there's some congestion etc (in this case in the supermarket aisle) I meet someone's eyes and just smile a slow sexual smile... in this case she turned out to be from Saudi Arabia and wearing what I think is a hijab, and a robe, so pretty traditional dress, but anyway she was receptive to the sexual smile and so I marked her down for an open. Continued on to the checkout and what do you know, she ended up behind me (an IOI?) so I opened by saying I couldn't help noticing her, she is cute even though I cannot see very well (teasingly indicating her hijab), turns out she's a student, etc, etc, we get to the front of the line and I say we can talk more after we finish our shopping. I finished first so I went to sit on a seat outside, luckily I had a salad to eat, so I didn't look lurky.

When she eventually came out I was kinda half expecting her to look down and scurry off avoiding me (because I've had a really hard time with cold approach lately) but no, I addressed her by name and waved her over and instructed her to come and have a coffee with me, she doesn't drink coffee so I went with plan B (very useful) which is the chocolate shop right nearby... she actually insisted on paying for my chocolate, even though I did not understand her at first (I was so bowled over by this). I instructed her to sit in the back of the shop where it is quieter. I failed to lead, but when we arrived at the table, she asked me where she should sit, haha (Saudi Arabian women must be pretty submissive) so this went OK. I went into a cold read, first I tried Iranian but then Saudi Arabian and she was pretty impressed. She's from Mecca. This gave some good material, we chatted about this and Islam (luckily I am knowledgeable on this) and other things.

Although I didn't build much sexual tension, this was because the conversation flowed very easily, and more importantly the sexual framing was nicely integrated and didn't come off as forced. I asked her about growing up in Saudi Arabia, about boyfriends and such things, and just teased her relentlessly about it all, she said she doesn't have any boyfriends and I pretended to mishear, she doesn't have many boyfriends, only 3 or 4? A lot of jokes about how when she reveals a bit more skin her number of boyfriends will go up and so forth, and how she's not allowed to wear short skirts because her knees are incredibly sexy and so on, but I can only speculate as to what goes on behind closed doors, etc. Number closed on a high point, she agrees to hang out on the weekend. I had to go pick up the kids so I walked her halfway towards the bus stop, I had a fair bit of touch going and I said, so you're allowed to kiss right and she laughed saying no, no! I teased her a bit more about this about how she's almost Australian now, and we say goodbye with a kiss, etc, she still didn't seem down, so I said we could continue her training next time, and farewelled her.

Take home
Go for women who are already into you. Even if you aren't totally into them initially (she grew on me throughout the interaction, she's pretty chilled even though she's been indoctrinated into a whole lot of conservative bullshit). Collect positive reference experiences in order to stay encouraged and focused.

 

[ray_zorse]

So today's events highlighted to me that I have another problem which I need to address.

In the morning after the gym I checked GC and some old post had had new activity and I read this post and it recommended the book "No more Mr Nice Guy"... I am far too much of a nice guy and have been really struggling to project more of an assholeish vibe, although some have said to me not to do this if it's not who I am... struggling to work out who I in fact am, I read about 60% of this book before work, it was absolutely fascinating and certainly described me pretty well (although I'm not as bad as some of the saddest cases in the book, since I've been around the block a few times, and I usually have pretty good instincts when something is wrong, even if I don't act on them).

After uni I had my voice lesson at 17.00, well the teacher, who I'll call Melody, rang me around midday to ask if I wanted to go out to the pub afterwards which is something we'd discussed previously, I haven't been out with her for a while, but it's something we do when not otherwise occupied on a Thursday. I was glad she suggested it because I have been wanting to seal the deal with her for a while, but didn't want to come across as chasey. Melody is 50ish and TBH I don't find her that attractive (she looks better in clothes) although she has cute pictures of herself from her acting career some decades back... but I want to keep her sweet because the voice classes are helping.

Anyway so the class went okay, although it frustrates me a bit that she doesn't run the classes very efficiently, she's a bit indecisive and leaves the agenda to me a lot. So I spend a fair bit of time leafing through her voiceover material, plays, novels, poetry etc and picking things I want to do. So I'm not using my voice all the time, and the class is expensive (I think if I was giving her great sex I would insist on a discount / free class however)... She also seems to encourage me to flit around a lot, whereas I want to get each thing perfect before moving on (Gettysburg address, Julius Caesar act 3 scene 1, etc). Anyway, it is what it is, and it helps, so I'm still doing it.

Afterwards we went to the pub and this was good too, TBH we are more like friends and so we talk about a lot of stuff, I haven't maintained all that much mystery with her and this is hurting me as will be seen, anyway it is actually good to have a friend because I have ditched most of my friends lately, except uni friends. We talked a lot about travel (her trip and a trip that I'm considering, etc)... and life generally... and her frozen shoulder is always a big topic (boring but important to her)... blah blah blah. I was mentioning my weight loss goals when she said I didn't have a pot (actually I do although it's small and cute) and I said she'd have a chance to check more carefully later. She replied that she is on her period, she just wants to tell me that. Bleh, I don't really believe her, that's what a lot of women say when they want intimacy without sex.

We get back to the house and she does her usual thing of checking messages while I wait for her in the lounge. Bleh again. She pours me a wine. I tell her I've had a headache since the afternoon and have her massage my temples. I have to give her fairly precise instructions but TBH it doesn't really feel that good, I'm feeling a little frustrated but I persevere by saying well if you had a headache, how would you want to be massaged... and surprisingly enough this improves things a lot and she starts doing stuff I wouldn't have thought of and it feels good. I have her caress my chest and pinch my nipples and some other stuff which also doesn't feel good. But she also starts saying things like "is this how you would normally behave on a date?" and mentioning that I'm very demanding and this is unusual and so on, this seems strange. I just make some obvious response about how I would like to have my needs met, and she obviously hasn't met many guys who know what they want and how to get it.

So I know I have to handle things very carefully because she's pretty inexperienced and doesn't know how to touch me, she becomes very tense when I kiss her, and otherwise behaves like a bit of a dead fish which I put down partly to her frozen shoulder. What I want to do is build some comfort and have her relax, so I ask her what is the most relaxing thing she can think of, and times when she's felt totally transported and out of her body what causes her to get on that plane... she replies that she has some marijuana cookies if that's what I mean. Haha no it isn't, so I press her a bit more and eventually she says that a massage would relax her. Fine, we move into the bedroom, she doesn't believe I can massage her but I know I'm pretty good at it (though unfortunately we establish that she has no massage oil handy).

So after a long time she does actually begin to loosen up (amazing) and I go to kiss her and generally start getting intimate, well this is a long process. I'm far from turned on at this point. I'm using a new strategy for dealing with any ED related issues which is I'm not going for the pussy straightaway. I might tease her a little but basically I feel that if she wants to be fucked she is going to have to earn it by getting me turned on, and I won't reward her until she makes an effort. After what seems like an age she becomes a bit more responsive to my kisses and starts to caress my chest in a way that doesn't actually feel bad but feels good. So I start taking deeper breaths and sighing a bit and generally relaxing and enjoying it, I'm starting to get hard and I'm moaning a bit when she comes out with some unflattering comment about my heavy breathing, I feel a bit offended but I just calmly tell her that that's how she knows to keep doing what she's doing (as if it wasn't obvious this is a communication strategy).

Anyway then she changes position to something that just doesn't work and I stop breathing / moaning for a while hoping she'll get the hint, eventually I have to tell her to return to what she was doing and to play with my body more, she says "you mean your penis?" and I say "well that depends, just play with my body generally" and she kind of half heartedly complies but the moment is gone. Then she drops this bomb on me: Blah blah I don't want you to get an erection because then I'll have to deal with it and you'll want to an orgasm etc (she uses very clinical language which I find to be a total turnoff). I say it would be better not to assume stuff. We bat this around a bit and she I suppose wants to know if I'm having a good time, I say something like "yes, I am enjoying the intimacy, there's about a billion nerve endings in the body though and if they were being stimulated at the same time it would be way more optimal", hmm, we make out a bit longer and eventually she gets up and puts her clothes back on. She has also at some point gone into more of her crap about how demanding I am, I laugh and say "every time I arrive for the lesson I ask you politely for a glass of water when normally I would just walk in and say get me a glass of water babe... since you're my teacher I'm dialling it right down, and you still think I'm demanding, go figure?".

I don't really care if I fuck her or not, because she's not that attractive. But I feel she's upset I'm making her work for it and not fitting into her normal frame. I also feel a bit used, because I have given up my evening for her at her request, and this is the kind of treatment I get in return, basically just criticism and non-compliance.

I now lie in bed for a bit looking up her frozen shoulder issue which she wants me to do, all the information is in wikipedia but apparently she hasn't looked it up. Anyway I learn a fair bit and it's interesting so I don't really mind doing it, I just feel like a pussy for offering (earlier) and complying (now) when I'm getting treated in this shit way.

Then I get up to go, I'm about to put my shoes on when she asks me to help put the doona cover on the doona... this musta been my breaking point because I give her a quizzical look, she backs off saying "you don't want to do it?" and I say "well, not really..." and she says "fine, I'll get the cleaning lady to do it tomorrow". Then she says, "Give me a hand making the bed then"?! I retort, "Do I look like a chambermaid?" finally getting a bit of backbone. She gets all offended and starts talking about her frozen shoulder and how I don't help women etc... I say "that's ridiculous, when you were unloading the car before starting the lesson you asked me to hold your dry cleaning and I did it, totally against my better judgement... then when we got back from the restaurant you asked me to bring in one of the bins, and again I did it, because it wasn't too much effort, even if this was also totally against my better judgement... and now you're offended I won't do your housework for you as well? Come on get real..."

By this stage I'm like "whatever"... I take one side of the sheet and help her stretch it across the bed... I think we're done when she goes into some crap about "haven't you ever helped a woman with the housework" and I'm like "err, I'm used to doing the whole thing myself, that's why I got divorced..." anyway so I end up tucking in the sheet, with hospital corners, while explaining that I run my own household and there's no fuckin reason why I would feel compelled to do someone else's housework as well as my own... but I still do it because I feel that refusing would be childish, having made my point. This was a mistake, I should have stuck to my frame and refused to do it.

So anyway I return to getting my shoes on and she says "you're going?" in a tone like I'm acting childish, WTF? I didn't start any argument and I've basically complied with her requests even if I honestly told her what I thought of them... Anyway I don't want to leave things on this note so I kiss her goodbye and build a little more comfort, she then says I have obviously had a bad experience with women / my wife and it has fucked me up or some crap, I say "whaaat?? I was put on this planet to set myself goals and achieve them, and to do what I need to do to enjoy my life, why would I want to spend it running around making other people's problems my own? You obviously haven't met many men who are just into living their own life"... whatever. I go.

I think it's pretty clear from this story (which I'm almost embarrassed to write up) that I have a real nice guy problem and that women are taking advantage of me. I have actually cleaned up my act and have been refusing compliance more, the reason I got into the above fucked situation was basically a matter of congruence, it's been bothering me ever since she asked me to look at her phone, her computer, her answering machine, etc... that I need to put a stop to this, but I didn't want to seem reactive, it's much better to just set the frame from the beginning instead of allowing expectations to develop (this is partly why I've ditched a lot of my social circle in fact).

Fuck, well, tomorrow is another day, just need to persevere with improving myself. The journal helps me to learn from my experiences though. All this has happened before but hopefully putting it in journal form will inspire me to do something about it. I did check the "no more mr nice guy" website to see if there was a support group in my area, there isn't. They have forums, but they're full of pathetic needy men who have failed at their first relationship, blame themselves, and plan to repeat it all again.

 

[ray_zorse]

Update, well lately I have been having the problem that not only are the multiple sticking points in my game but my work and personal life has been slipping a bit too, since I've been putting all my effort and spare time into going out 2~3 times a week and every weekend to approach a ton of girls. For instance I hadn't done any gardening for some months and pre GC this was one of my major hobbies. I decided to take a break from approaching for a week or so and just concentrate on getting my shit together. Like going in to work on the weekend and doing a ton of housework and blah blah.

But since I have a pretty good routine and I like hanging out in places like Starbucks and walking the streets of the city I decided to continue doing those things a bit, but just solely focusing on my posture, walk, and eye contact. Because eye contact is really difficult to do and it's a bit bound up with approach anxiety, like if I'm not really in state for approaching then I'm constantly checking girls out and thinking "oh she's not hot enough to approach" or whatever. So if I'm not approaching it's much easier to keep the eye contact sorted. What I'm trying to do is look above everyone else, not check girls out except in my peripheral vision, and not make any unintentional eye contact with anyone. Unintentional eye contact flusters me and I have trouble holding it and/or breaking it correctly. Whereas intentional eye contact I'm fine with.

To practice eye contact discipline I make sure I have a focal point at all times, which might be a street sign, a traffic light, a tree branch, the roof line of a nearby building, whatever. Then I make sure I look at that. As I turn a corner, or if I have to look around to make sure a tram isn't coming, or whatever, I think about my eye contact strategy and what my new focal point will be.

I also visualize laser beams shooting out of my eyes and burning anyone they touch. And if I make an eye contact error such as checking out a girl then I visualize her getting burnt and blistered and cut in half and falling on the ground in a smoking heap... I feel really sorry when I injure someone like this. Although I have a tendency to chop guys' heads off if they are tall, but that's OK, they're only guys, heh heh heh. I find that my eye contact discipline slips when tired.

The other thing I'm doing is checking my peripheral vision carefully for IOIs. Last night there was an interesting one, I saw a short but attractive Asian girl in a black and white outfit, miniskirt and stockings (in my peripheral vision) and sped up a little to try and catch up to her, I came alongside her at a pedestrian light that was red. Although she was a good 2 metres away she turned in my direction multiple times to look at me. Hmm! I should have approached but was unaccountably shy. So then she crossed the road against the red and I thought she was going to the tram stop in the middle of the road. But as she got there she turned and looked at me again. She waited a bit and continued crossing against the red. Shortly afterwards I crossed and I nearly caught up to her again, I was gonna say something like "hey I notice you are in a bit of a hurry, what's up?" anyway after we walk another block or two and she's crossed another smaller street on the red (and I do the same, as I usually would), she turns around, sees me, does a kind of double take and looks a bit fearful, fuckin' hell, no point approaching now I think... (I haven't given any indication I'm aware of her).

Alek's article published today is really on the money, after you see them you have to approach immediately or it will look creepy. I did one other approach yesterday just because she looked really hot (even though I wasn't in state and wasn't officially doing approaches) but I walked alongside her for about 20~30sec before saying hi there, and I think this was too long, anyway she blew me off though not in an unkind way (didn't give her name, apologized and said she was meeting someone and hurried off). Anyway the main point of the article I had already figured out for myself, doing a ton of approaches just isn't that productive, you need to approach women who are already into you, and this is something I've been trying to get my head around (hence the focus on eye contact discipline).

I also did a little game in the appliance store, firstly chatted to the cashier who I've mentioned earlier (the Indian one with the U.S. accent) and she hooked me up with another cutie who turns out to be half Vietnamese and half Chinese who helped me with an ultrabook that was on clearance... we spent about an hour haggling over the price and organizing accessories etc, and in this time I deep dived her quite a bit and got some nice sexual flirting in... said something like "I couldn't help chuckling a bit when I saw you have SALE written on you" and she says "yeah, we HAVE to wear this" and I say "oh right, definitely no taking it off then?" and some other lines like that. I also get in some other teasing which in retrospect might have been a bit strong although I suppose it's important to disrespect them a little bit instead of kissing butt.

Unfortunately failed to number close on a high point although this was not really my fault since I was still in flirtation mode when her boss and some other colleagues became involved (I negotiated pretty hard with the boss and feigned disinterest and got even further discounts than what my Chinese/Vietnamese friend could arrange which was already good, this probably gave me some status in her eyes), anyway we are walking over to the register together when I say "I would have liked to talk with you some more, but then the others got involved... if you would like to catch up with me for a coffee sometime, give me your number"... in retrospect this sounded a bit chasey, weak and vague, I wanted to use a yes ladder but the clock was ticking and I had to say something... she doesn't say yes or no and we get to the register and I have to switch to discreet mode, but as it turns out I have to come back the next day and she promises she will be there. Hmm. We finish with a handshake and normally I would refuse a handshake (too friendly) but in the presence of the register chick I have to be discreet. I should have held her hand for longer and winked or something.

The next day I'm feeling a bit nervous and over invested (fuck) and after finishing hundreds of jobs it's afternoon and I can't put it off any longer so I put my good clothes on and head down there. Register chick isn't there so I can't use her to get in state. I browse a bit in the store, eventually go over and there's my target but she's surrounded by other staff. Hmm. By this point I'm pretty much totally in my head, and fail to recapture the vibes. Also she offered value by asking about my son and I failed to reward her for this, mainly because I'd turned my hearing aids right down to reduce feedback and couldn't hear her properly... fuckin' hell so frustrating. Anyway so I finish the transaction, I don't bother trying to game her anymore because I'm not in the mood and she isn't doing anything to make it easier for me. Fuck it. We finish with a handshake again and I stupidly comply. (In retrospect I should have said... in the presence of 2nd register chick... "no kiss?" get some laughter going "you weren't just flirting with me to make the sale were you?" and gotten another chuckle and said "I'll see you later" or something... but I wasn't fast enough).

About the hearing aids and the feedback issue it's been particularly bad lately, but it's a problem I've struggled with all my life and it's so fucking pathetic and primitive the state of the technology and that it basically hasn't advanced at all in since I was a kid... or has it? Since GC I've been trying to take more responsibility for making myself attractive and for finding outside-the-box solutions to these kind of issues (actually switching to sexual smiles has helped the feedback a fair bit but unfortunately I often make a joke and cannot help laughing and this makes my hearing aids come out and makes a noticeable whistling sound that totally disrupts the flow of the interaction especially as I'm constantly reaching up to my ears to push the hearing aids back in again and so on)... So what I'm trying at the moment is, I've ordered some innovative memory-foam earmoulds (generic type, they aren't made especially for a particular person) from a 3M spinoff company that will arrive Wednesday... if that doesn't work I have another plan which is a bit more radical (a kind of 1950s style aid with some Bluetooth earbuds thrown in), but it's not something I can do in 5 minutes. This feedback problem is a massive sticking point and makes me feel like a total fuckwit. It's definitely screwing up my approaches, once a person knows me they're a lot more forgiving, but during the approach if anything seems off then it will kill attraction straightaway.

I'm also reading a book about dealing with toxic shame, this is because "No more Mr Nice Guy" has pinpointed toxic shame as a potential reason why I am having nice guy issues and guess what, I think it really is the core of the issue... basically in my interactions with girls I've often felt I'm not good enough for them, for instance I settled on a wife who my brain knew was way beneath me, but my emotions felt she was the best I could get... and since then I had a great girlfriend who really loved me and was fabulous in bed as well but I somehow sabotaged it by feeling I was too old for her and I was lucky to get her and towards the end basically trying to buy her companionship by being a provider and this fucked me up... all of this I think is shame based. Also the fact I've always been shy around girls and had trouble expressing my sex drive, again shame based... Well I won't go into details but I guess my father is shame based too and he has been violent etc... so I think I'm gonna try to do something to resolve my shame issues, at the moment I'm simply reading everything I can get my hands on, and I'm also trying to uncover repressed memories from my childhood/adolescence. It's funny how reading these books and learning about shaming behaviours constantly reminds me of shaming things that have happened to me, whereas when I look back over my childhood, I conveniently ignore all these incidents, and think of it as a happy childhood where I was loved and nurtured and so forth... this exactly fits what is in the literature. Another thing is that I'm a total perfectionist, which is always fucking up my uni work, and this is also likely to be shame based from what I'm reading. Anyway I don't intend to turn into a whinger but I do intend to see if there are subconscious reasons I'm sabotaging myself and to get to the bottom of them.

I'm at uni now, I'll go to Starbucks later and do a little more uni work on my new Ultrabook while checking for IOIs and gaming the Brazilian chick who works there

 

[Dern]

Yeah, I've also been wanting to tone down on my approaches recently. Only be thinking of how I carry myself. I realize I'm an approach machine, so there's no need to waste effort on girls who likely aren't going to be interested. Just gotta improve fundamentals and look for them IOIs. I like the idea of the eye contact exercise. I like always want to be looking straight ahead, and only giving eye contact to people who I notice from my peripherals looking at me first.

 

[ray_zorse]

Exactly Dern. We're on the same page.

Girlwise not too much to report, I did a few approaches here and there.

Leaving uni the other night I saw a white jacket on a cute Asian chick turn the corner and start walking beside me, well I choked a bit (there were lots of other people around too) so just walked a bit faster, however she walked behind me for quite a while and pulled up next to me again at the pedestrian lights so I opened, "Hi there... (no response) can you hear me? I couldn't help noticing we are walking the same way, I'm Ray" and ended up having quite a nice conversation, I'm practicing not being the driver and just doing a cold read here and there to keep things moving and this worked OK. I think I only asked her one or two questions and those were in the vein of "you look like ..." "i'm actually ..." "oh, really? so you ...?" She works as an immigration agent and deals with students. She was carrying her shopping and we agreed we were both going home. I got some touch going by pulling her in to me by the elbow and guiding her as we passed an al fresco restaurant where there was less pavement. As we got to the corner of her street (she had earlier blurted out which street whilst I was adding a pause) I said "do you have to go home right now? why don't we go and get a coffee or something and keep talking?" and she demurred so I said "okay, it was nice talking to you (big smile)" and left her.

What I could have done better: Open immediately... this would have given me more time to get to the hook. Move the interaction forward at a high point rather than when we are about to leave each other, this looks a bit lame. Anyway considering I wasn't gonna do an open at al, and there were no IOIs, this was fun, and really improved my mood.

Starbucks the next morning... two Vietnamese women approached me from a nearby table and asked me to take their photo on their iPhone which I did. One was significantly older than the other so I tried a cold read "mother and daughter" well they aren't, it was her older sister... oops... anyway she opened up and told a lot about herself while the younger sister didn't say much, older one is a teacher and has been doing a 4 month certificate here and about to return to Vietnam, younger one is training as a pastry chef... actually I would have liked to deep dive the younger one more since pastry cheffing is kind of a hobby of mine but oh well... older one was 40 so I lied and said my age was 40 as well and she can call me "older brother" (anh)... ordinarily I'm more honest but this just slipped out. Since I'm looking for something casual I tried to number close the older one but I think younger sister's presence was a cockblock, they made various excuses (doesn't give out her number, has no phone, has kids, etc) so I said "okay, I don't mind, it was nice talking to you" and farewelled them at the front of the store. Again, this really lifted my mood.

Yesterday (a public holiday) very festive atmosphere, everyone hanging with their friends in the city etc... I opened a cute Vietnamese girl in the line at Starbucks, she came over around the time I got in line and kinda stood there awkwardly until I opened her with a "hi there, what are you up to today?" and my name... when she told me her name and it was Vietnamese I spoke some VN to her and she was kinda surprised... chatted a little more but she wasn't really hooked, eventually I grabbed her elbow and guided her into the spot in front of me in the queue, this was not ideal because now she has her back to me and isn't talking, also it makes me look like a bit of a white knight... after a few moments I touched her shoulder with the back of my hand to get her to turn around again and asked her how old she is, in Vietnamese... she was a little confused at first since my accent isn't too good, also she's only 19. Anyway the interaction didn't really improve from there, so I didn't approach her again after ordering (also she'd told me she's with a friend and I saw them together while I worked at my ultrabook for the next half hour, practicing eye contact discipline with only a few slipups). Anyway she was slightly on the plumper side and dressed in a tight white lacy top and black vinyl skirt, looked incredibly fuckable, so I was happy that I had the balls to approach...

So anyway although I only did a few approaches in the last week they were fun and more importantly my dissertation is going fucking well, I've nearly finished another chapter, I have been working late at the office every day (including weekends and public holidays) and when not doing that, chilling at home by myself and trying to recover my former liking for solitude, also doing the housework and yardwork and so on which I used to enjoy. But mainly, reading the following book: Healing the Shame that Binds You: Recovery Classics by John Bradshaw... this is a fucking good book and everyone should read it. It's useful as a deeper look at the phenomena described in the "No more Mr Nice Guy" book that's been discussed in forums and the recent article. I am going to try the exercises in the book, stay tuned.

And now the best news I kept for last... the new hearing aid gear arrived from the United States by Fedex and guess what, this shit works!!!! It's maybe a little too early to get excited but the feedback seems to be definitively stopped with these new memory-foam earmoulds, and they're also quite a mature product, they are disposable (I bought enough for about 10 weeks) and they have a locking system that attaches to the hearing aids with no fuss, I had considered making something myself out of some memory foam earplugs and some tubing, but it's much better that someone else has done the R&D and fine-tuned everything.

I cannot express how amazingly thrilled I am about this hearing aid thing, and it is all down to GC because otherwise I would have still been in victim mentality (I'll never get good with girls... it's not my fault... I'm deaf... blah blah blah), instead I've just been proactively working through all the issues that cause me not to get girls and finding solutions. Since doing my first approaches a few months back I've been scouring the Internet every few weeks for a solution to this issue and had all but given up hope when I just stumbled on this website and ta da! It just shows you should never give up.

The problem has basically been that every time I smile (and other facial expressions too) a loud piercing whistle comes from both ears and I have to reach up and adjust my hearing aids and if I'm laughing I have to hold the earmoulds in my ears until I stop laughing... and I've unconsciously adopted facial expressions that minimize this, for instance whenever I see photos of myself I see the edges of my mouth turning down a bit and a tightness there which comes from trying not to move my ears... it will take time to unlearn all this, but I'm hoping my interactions with girls will be much more natural now, and that my facial expressions will be warmer and more welcoming.

Have to go pick up my kids now. Things are progressing. Hope you enjoyed the read.

 

[ray_zorse]

Have just had some great conversations at school with the new aids, approached a cute Asian prep mum and made friends with her, etc... feeling on top of the fucking world, the good weather is also great.

Couple of things I forgot in above update (1) I called my dentist to find out what is going on with my bleaching trays and the super duper bleaching solution he is supposed to be ordering from the US for me, apparently it comes in refrigerated transit, he will call me back... (2) this morning on the scale I was 200g away from breaking 90kg barrier at long last... so excited.

 

[ray_zorse]

Well today we had a birthday in the office and we usually send an email around and put together a party, I've mentioned this in another post where some dude asked about leadership in social circle. Usually I bring the cake which is a fun thing to do since I enjoy baking and decorating... trouble is I've been agonizing over this kind of stuff lately since I'm trying to stamp out situations where I spend a lot of time and effort on other people without demanding an equivalent or greater value exchange upfront. On the other hand the chick who organized the party this time did explicitly ask me to make it and so I wasn't just volunteering my time and effort. Also she organized a terrific surprise for me last time with a cake, a gift, a card etc in recognition of my efforts... so decided to go ahead. TBH it took a long time and I couldn't really afford that time but the result was pretty awesome despite my taking a lot of shortcuts in the decorating phase.

Well the chick I've had trouble with (hit on her, wasn't calibrated, now we largely ignore each other except I still choke up a lot when I do see her and say stupid shit), actually approached me at my desk about it and I had a relatively normal conversation with her (only choked a bit) and so that was a plus I guess (she had brought the candles and some of the other stuff). Another good thing that happened was I was able to invite a lot of the new students from the office to the party and thereby provide social value, I didn't feel that I had to ask permission since I was providing a good part of the party.

Yeah OK so it went well although my posture and voice fundamentals were off, I guess I felt a bit intimidated by this girl's presence (fuck, and there's no reason for this since I wasn't even attracted to her initially and purely approached her since she seemed to react well to my new fashion and posture etc)... anyway so as I was leaving the uni I was still feeling a bit all over the place and really regret not having made one approach, I came up behind a short but hot Asian chick (never saw her face though) and I wanted to say "Hi there... I couldn't help noticing your cute arse in those tight pants, so I wanted to compliment you and say hi"... since these approaches have been discussed a bit on the boards lately. Well I choked.

 

[ray_zorse]

A kids weekend -- makes gaming difficult. Also felt tired and stressed, a bit irritable. But I was a good dad most of the the time and had arranged a full schedule of playdates, parties etc. The only real thing I wanted to mention in this report is that at my niece's birthday party there were lots of yummy mummies who I didn't know cos my brother lives in the country. I was only practicing conversation and didn't turn things sexual. But I introduced myself to every hot woman and had a conversation of at least some minutes with each, though I cheat a little cos the last two were in the driveway as they were leaving (at different times), I hadn't been able to approach earlier for whatever reason... the best conversation:

hi, I'm Ray (shakes hands)
Hiya, I'm ..., I'm a school friend of (my brother's wife)
Yeah, that's what ... said (hotty #2 who I opened earlier and who has just gone off to toilet or something leaving hotty #1 alone and approachable) ... so you still keep in regular touch?
Yeah, blah blah blah, everyone having kids blah blah
It looks like you're still kid free though... need to find a handsome guy I think
Oh I have one blah blah blah
So do you like to travel?
Oh yeah last year blah blah blah
Yeah so that's what you need to do while kid free
Yeah blah blah
And if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? (Thanks Chase)
Blah blah... now hotty #2 is back so I include her and ask her same question
Blah blah blah...

Her kid is cute so I fix him up with some toys and start rebuilding a train track with some of the other kids including some of mine... this keeps me occupied for a bit, I am still practicing my conversation with the kids, and looking pretty in-control and adding value... then hotty #2 comes around next to me and engages me... I sit back in my chair and I'm totally locked in whilst she's not remotely, and we chat about travelling with young kids and how it's no biggie whatsoever and we're on the same page about stuff generally, she's cool. Eventually they leave and I grab a hug and a kiss from each first.

I forgot how good it feels to get investment from girls. Awesome. I was really surprised and happy when she came and engaged me. I must have beem doing something right.

Unfortunately my mum was a bit tired from the party and didn't want to look after all my kids while I went to the JP school soxial mixer. So I took the younger kids thinking they could practice a bit of JP with my teacher who they already know. Muscalculation -- it was very loud and crazy busy and packed to the gills with hot young women, many of them Asian, in their best party frocks, if only I was on form and kid free could have pulled for sure... unfortunately I was tired and irritable and confused by the loudness and couldn't comprehend the stupid bingo game as I couldn't hear shit, opened a few girls on my team but basically looked, acted and felt like a total chode. We left a bit early. Food was good though (my diet well and truly broken this w/e, fuck, will explain this in another post, have an important step to take tomorrow wrt. my inner game and comfort eating so I remain optimistic).

 

[ray_zorse]

So I finally made an approach to a cute teacher at my son's school who I'll call Helga, we got along well at my son's orientation and we've noticed each other around a bit since then. So this morning I was in assembly and I decided I'm gonna approach at the end of assembly. Well I felt a bit nervous but when it finished I arranged it so I would be walking along a path outside and she would be coming the other way with her class back to her classroom. I don't make eye contact until we're pretty close. This is how it went down

Me: Hey there Helga (I turn around and slot in beside her)
She smiles and greets me. We walk a bit in silence.
Me: You are looking very lovely... I love your scarf!
She smiles a bit more and thanks me. We walk a bit more.
Me: I never got a chance to thank you for engaging (my son's name... who hadn't wanted to participate in the orientation for the first half hour, well she charmed him, and also me)... Obviously you are pretty experienced at this
Her: Oh yeah I've been a teacher for 7 years blah blah
Me: No way! ....
Her: I've done this for this long and then grade 1 and 2 and blah blah
Me: And you're happy with Prep for the time being
Her: Yeah it's blah blah blah... she's sharing
We get to some steps... I'm feeling a bit nervous and losing the thread of what she's saying, so decide to close things out before I make a booboo, I'm also conscious that I don't want her to think I'm being aimless / changing direction for her sake
I put my hand on her arm...
Me: I was just heading back that way but it was great we got a chance to chat
Her: Yeah! ... and thanks so much for saying that... she touches me briefly too
Me: Okay bye I'll talk to you again soon... smile

Walk away kicking myself for having ejected too early, I could have walked with her to her classroom and number closed on the way... still I guess I'm practicing a kind of social circle hit/run game since I've been a bit aggressive in the past in social circle and burnt myself, maybe better to build a little comfort before going for the date? Trouble is I probably won't run into her again soon unless I make it happen so I might look a little chasey, shoulda just gone for it while I had the chance. Fuck.

Gotta push those interactions more. Still at least I got out of my head and spoke to her and complimented her and (I think) conveyed intent... hopefully she picked up on it. It was good practice if nothing else.

Edit: I was wearing new tight tan pants in a 34in waist, a white shirt with some businessy pinstripes, cream v-neck in a soft wool, both in an M and my dark tan boots. I looked good. My posture, walk and voice were on point. Also I was practicing cold reads and not asking questions as is my usual habit these days. It is starting to get easier. Also garnered a lot of compliments for my outfit last night which was simply jeans, muscle t-shirt and blazer, this outfit was literally just something I threw on as I was leaving the house, and I said so. Sprezzatura rules...

 

[ray_zorse]

Okay so here is where it gets interesting... I had a few more interactions today but none really worth reporting, what I'm writing about now is inner game.

So to recap I read "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover... and two things jumped out at me (1) nice guys aren't that nice, passive aggressive is a better description... check (2) the root cause of nice guy syndrome is toxic shame... I had never heard of this, but, check. The rest of the book was kinda obvious especially to someone who's read GC and who's been married like he has.

So I researched toxic shame quite thoroughly and the go-to is "Healing the Shame that Binds you" by John Bradshaw. Well having read the book from cover to cover it really resonated with me, most of the things described I've experienced in some form or other. I decided to return to part 2 and follow the steps precisely to treat this thing. The steps were things I particularly didn't/don't want to do, and that's why I committed to following them precisely.

Well the first step is to join a 12 step programme, like Alcholics Anonymous... I was addicted to illegal drugs for 12yrs but I'm not now. I'm not an alcoholic, and nor am I an overeater, although I use both those things to mood-alter (as a relief from the negative self-messages which I'll describe next). But I did find a suitable 12 step group which is called CoDA, Co-Dependents Anonymous. It's specifically about dealing with self-worth problems that manifest themselves in toxic relationships, i.e. all my LTRs to date.

The reason you join the 12 step programme is to crack open the protective shell that the toxic shame hides behind. That is, you feel bad about yourself (that you are not good enough, fundamentally flawed, a bad person and so on) and as a coping strategy you make sure nobody finds out. But by protecting these bad feelings about yourself you're basically nurturing them and letting them grow. So the solution is to open up to a trusted person or group who has walked that path before.

After the 12 step programme the next step in the book is a series of meditations. These are basically self hypnosis (you can record the steps on an audio tape or similar and follow the instructions while meditating), and what they do is tackle the negative self messages which have become unconscious. I literally was not even aware of them because my conscious self messages are overwhelmingly positive -- I'm a high achiever, etc, etc. But through following the instructions in the book I started to pay more attention to my self-talk and I realize that spontaneously things would pop into my head, for instance partway through analyzing an interaction to work out where my date went bad, a thought popped into my head "that's all you're worth". I dismissed this instantly as a nasty, cynical thought. But it's strange that it came up at all.

So the meditations are partly based on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), what you do is re-experience events that have caused you trauma and in your mind handle them differently. There are various tricks to fool your mind into rewriting its history, for instance the creation of anchors, e.g. you think of a time when you were particularly assertive and powerful and then touch your thumb and forefinger together on a particular hand to associate it with these emotions. Then when you're re-experiencing the traumatic event you can recall those emotions by accessing the anchor and use them to deal with the trauma in the moment. That's the next thing to try.

I will write an update later on. Anyway, I went to the first 12 step meeting tonight and it was really fantastic, I thought very helpful, and the people were really warm and open. The thing is that GC has kind of become my substitute 12 step group since I was unwilling to seek help, and the GC community are really supportive, for example you can talk about porn addiction or ED which you would never discuss with people in real life that you're intimate with, and you won't be judged, only encouraged.

But at the same time, weakness is not encouraged here, manliness is, and so certain things were going to be difficult to open up about. We can see this in Altair's thread (Altair if you're reading this I apologize for referring to you in the 3rd person, please understand I want us to help and support each other). Altair is experiencing similar issues to what I am, he feels he is unworthy of the girls he is after. Anyway, I'm determined to solve the problem and willing to research it and do what I need to do.

 

[ray_zorse]

Have realized that in nearly all my interactions lately I've been too much of a pussy to go for the date or number (I guess looking for the perfect high point or thinking I didn't know her well enough or whatever), probably missed a lot of low hanging fruit as a result.

So today a slow day, slept for most of it, have had a cold and a really sore neck lately but eventually got an outfit together and went shopping, was just gonna get groceries and a massage but ended up buying shitloads of awesome clothes first, found a suit in a silky light grey fabric, I just wanted the jacket to wear with jeans but grabbed the pants too cos the cut and the fit was transcendental, cannot wait to wear them (unfortunately bought a grey suit for Court just before discovering GC and it's too loose/baggy, now I've lost a bit of weight and I know to buy tight fitting and this is great). Everything was marked down...

Anyway so I was waiting for the register when cute 30s chick with red curls comes over and opens up another register for me, is this an IOI? So I start passing her the clothes and chatting about nothing much, her/my day etc, she asks if I knew it was super Saturday and so on. Then I say

Ray: So how did you end up working here?
Her: I applied for a casual position last year and I liked it
Her: How about you, what do you do
how about you, what do you do?
Ray: We help companies save money
Her: Oh? (she turns and does some other stuff and calls out to me) What's your method?
Ray: Making them more efficient
Her: (wants me to continue but I don't)... oh well that's always good
Ray: So you had some experience in this area.
Her: I used to run a business importing homewares and wholesaling them, blah blah
Ray: Oh? (I don't want to say, why did you stop, cos I figure the business failed and this would be a downer)
Her: I gave the business to my husband in the divorce
Ray: So now you're very much single...
Her: (smiles) Yep!
Ray: We should get together sometime
Her: (giggles and laughs a bit in an embarrassed but happy way)
Ray: Put your number on the receipt for me
Her: Okay!
Ray: So you always work on the weekends.
Her: Oh I work anytime, all the time...
Ray: That comes from being a business owner.
Her: (looks confused)
Ray: When you're a business owner you're working all the time right
Her: Oh yeah
Ray: Are you capable of relaxation? (I try to smile flirtatiously but I probably should have thrown in a wink too, she probably misses the sexual frame)
Her: Oh totally yeah... (she finishes ringing up the sale and I pay)
Ray: Okay I'll be in touch see you

There were some other shirts / shorts I noticed while in line and I kinda wanted to keep shopping but following Chase's rule of never frequenting the same venue where you have a girl pending, I left... probably good for my wallet.

Texted an icebreaker after my massage "Hey [her name]...new friend it's Ray save my number " no response yet. I had been thinking of hitting her up for tonight since I have realized I'm moving much too slow generally... but maybe she is gonna flake, oh well.

I did another approach to a cute girl working in a different store although did not have the balls to go direct, she knew what was happening though since I just asked her about her day and so on rather than about the merchandise. Talked to her for 5¬10 min about her background, studies, plans etc. She went off to help another customer, I hung around a bit and left, figured I had not generated sufficient attraction...still was just having fun.

On the way to grocery shopping missed an opportunity when I caught some woman checking me out, she wasn't super hot but after breaking eye contact I kicked myself for not opening. Need to be way more on the ball here...

Now I think I will go out wearing my new suit jacket and jeans and get a drink somewhere, see if my momentum carries me.

 

[ray_zorse]

Okay did nightgame for the first time in a while... hit up a number of lounge bars and a pub down the main street near my home as I gradually headed into the city and hit up the main venue that I like (the English pub with live music and grinding to techno and lots of pussy) around 22:30...

The first few venues weren't that productive, I was in my head a bit but I gave it a shot, e.g. I sat next to one girl with a bit of a Dita von Teese look going and spoke to her a bit, I probably came on a bit strong (ordered her to put her phone away and talk to me and she didn't comply) and she fucked off after 5 min or so without saying goodbye.

I tried a bit of night street game, did quite a few approaches to women walking by themselves and had a few brief conversations but nothing substantial. Things started to get better in the 3rd venue when I hung out near the bar and did some "hey stop for a minute" openers and "I saw you glancing over my way and I noticed you look cute and..." kinda stuff.

I met a cute little German chick and it went like this... "hey while you're waiting for your drink I wanted to introduce myself, I'm Ray..." she replies, I say "I can hear an accent where are you from?" she replies, I say "oh cool and what made you come to Australia?" she says "my boyfriend" and so I say "I don't want to be your boyfriend" ... I continue to tease her, each time she says anything I go "oh because of your boyfriend?" hehe. Her friend gets back and they fuck off but I first ask her what city she's from, tell her I've been to her city, and ended up in the red light district and it was like oh my God... (I should have been more of an asshole about this, there were like smackheads cooking up on the pavement next to our car etc)... I say well I would have liked to talk to you for longer because you're cute, after they go I realize I should have said "and I see you as a fuck buddy" just for fun. Anyway I decide to make a point of telling this to the next girl I meet when I have an opportunity. I open some more ladies, one of them is very tall and gorgeous and I caught her checking me out and I tell her so. But she has to go back to her table as her sister is visiting, blah blah.

So I wander off down the street and end up outside this smallish place where there is live music from zithers etc (folk style) apparently its a CD launch and lots of people are lining the pavement and its chockers inside... so I step up just inside the door where I see a HB9 who is very tall and classy, I correctly guess that she's selling the CDs (they are $10) and I tell her she's gorgeous and that if she wasn't working I would drag her down the street to somewhere quieter, she says "oh that's a bit cave mannish" and I'm delighted, I say truthfully "yep, that's what we're aiming for... there is a real shortage of cavemen in this city isn't there"... we banter back and forth (turns out she is about 2cm taller than me and she's not wearing heels either) but I can barely hear shit and so I tell her "since we can hardly communicate why don't we exchange numbers and continue this later on", she shows me her wedding ring and so I counter by showing her my tungsten rings, I wear one of them on my wedding finger just to confuse women... she says "I'm married!" and I reply "I don't want to be your boyfriend... I see you more as a fuck buddy" and she says "right! that's enough" in a pretty offended tone so I back off a bit... I put my hand on her arm and say "I'm just teasing you, I didn't mean to offend you..." I eject, happy that I pushed a boundary.

As I'm heading back to the car I see Dita von Teese again, she's holding a bottle of wine outside a bottle shop and fiddling with her phone. I don't realize who it is for a moment and I'm just gonna open and ask if there's enough wine for 2... then she turns to me and I say "oh hey it's you... do you have time for me now, or should I just fuck off?" This was meant to be ironic but maybe came across a bit pussy-pedestal-ish. She says "I'm just waiting for a cab" so I reply "oh right... where u headed" and she is going home which is nearby. So I say "I was just heading back to the car now, I'll take you there" "no thanks" "oh c'mon, we can listen to some music in the car and talk for a bit" she's not down. This last bit was me trying to be more of a PUA than a white knight but it's too late, the vibe was down the toilet from the first time she blew me off.

So now I head into the city, the first venue I hit up is the one that specializes in Asian beer, I don't really like this venue but I figure I'm too early to hit the dance floor next door and I want to chill for a bit and open some more women first... the line is like 10ppl deep and stretches the length of the bar and it's hardly moving but I open quite a few women in the line, get a few blowouts, but some of them are receptive. The best one I'll call Julia, I compliment her cute outfit (she's in a figure hugging flower print skirt and a matching boob tube kinda deal, pure class though) and tell her she's very tall and gorgeous... we banter a bit about the ppl in front of us, eventually she splits off to the right and I go to the left to avoid them... she's making more headway than me, so I ask her to order me a soda water and she complies! She also will not accept payment for it, so this looks pretty good, but I do not capitalize because they are heading back to a table somewhere and I do not want to look like I'm following them. Should have number closed in the line maybe... another guy was trying to hit on her but was being a white knight (letting her go ahead of him etc) so I chuckled a bit that my approach would generate a bit more investment than his... Having got my free drink I then head to the back of the venue to the queue for outside (smoking area) and open a cute Turkish tourist girl, she was really tall and stunning, and we have a good conversation, but once again we part ways at the head of the queue as I don't want to follow her to her table. Damn really need to be maximizing my results, thought I might see her later (and actually I did talk to her German friend later in the other venue).

So now over to the pussy factory, well I'll cut a long story short since I didn't have heaps of conversation and a lot of it just consisted of introducing myself to women, telling them they're cute and having it fizzle out from there... a nice Mexican chick, I knew she was South American from her looks but I forgot to do a cold read so wasted an opportunity there... a tall gorgeous Kenyan chick, I got some conversation going but I knew it was sunk when she tricked me into complying with looking after her coat when she went to the toilet (she said she was going to the toilet, I said you'll come back? in hindsight this looked needy... she said okay and then after turning to go she casually indicates her coat... so like a pussy I go okay, I didn't really have a leg to stand on since I'd already basically agreed to wait for her)... this pissed me off and when she got back I told her "that took fucking ages, you owe me a drink now" and she doesn't comply. Next! I also use this line "you owe me a drink now" on a few other women on the dance floor, one who falls over onto me, and another who splashes me with a tiny drop of her beer, and I get some laughs with this.

I bumped into a good mate I hadn't seen for 6mths or so (since before GC, he actually did not recognize me for a bit due to my new hair and style), he was with his housemate [Housemate] who I also know, and who turns out to be a real cool dude and to have some game. They introduce me to 3 Chinese girls and I banter with them for a bit, I deep dive one of them on and off (in between drinking with my buddies, I normally don't drink but I made an exception to have a round of shots with them with beer chasers cos I was delighted to see them)... introduce myself to the bar girl who is pouring the shots and she's cool too. I fail to get my favourite Chinese girl to go and dance with me tho.

A French chick (working holiday I think) I spoke to for ages in the corner, basic deep diving stuff, had my arm around her for most of the time but when she said she was going I went for the number and no dice... I think I did not generate enough attraction as I just did friendly vibe and forgot to toss in any sexual stares or whatever... this because I was kinda tired and reverting to normal nice guy self. So I then ordered her to give me a kiss and she hemmed and hawwed a bit and said only on the cheek, I fixed her with a sexual stare at that point and let a bit of tension build but eventually pointed to my cheek and she kissed me (it felt great actually, very soft) and went off.

I go back to the DF pretty drunk and happy and do more game, I get some grinds with a few different women and this goes okay. I also do a circuit around the venue and sit down with a cute Asian (slim, white shirt and tight black skirt, she's fucking hot), she turns out to be 34 and Korean and it goes okay in the beginning (frame battle since we cannot hear each other, she refuses to move into the seat next to me and I refuse also, shoulda known she'd be trouble, she obviously has some game)... she begins asking for compliments and I bust her stones... e.g. "I'm ugly" "oh well I'll just have to lower my standards then"... "I'm old" "don't worry, old is the new young"... she begins asking me a lot of questions about myself and because I'm exhausted and cannot think of deflecting moves I comply... end up telling her about my marriage, my kids, my divorce and so on... not voluntarily but I don't tell lies so it was hard to avoid. Next time I'm just gonna say things like "yeah I have a harem of 17 wives but I'm a bit bored with them so I came out to fuck some more women tonight" or "I have children in outer Mongolia, don't worry I send them 20 cents a month" but didn't think of this approach in the moment. We talk for ages and it's getting a bit stale, that fucker also moves me to another table (why did I comply) and has me mind her umbrella while she goes to the toilet (I say "I'm not fucking hanging around here looking after your shit and waiting for you" but when she explains she only wants to go to the toilet and she'll be quick I decide not to be a dick, still I wish I hadn't complied)... eventually I decide enough of this shit, time to see if she'll put out, so I move her into a dark corner and tell her to snuggle in close... and although I've basically had my hands on her body the whole time we've been talking she won't comply now... seeing what is coming... so I order her to hold my hand and she doesn't comply either... fuck this, I'm on the verge of telling her to get lost but I decide to try a bit of deep diving and then give it another shot, since I realize I have talked too much about myself... but I guess I blew my chances. Eventually I say "ohh well come and have a dance with me" she won't comply "c'mon we are just talking about boring shit lets just go and do something fun" etc etc but no dice. I go back to the DF and continue gaming though my vibe is shot.

Or not quite! I then get some slow intimate dancing going with a hot hot hot Chinese chick, she was a bit plump but had a huge soulful moonface and a great outfit going, I'm hugging her to me and she's reciprocating and grinding my hardon into her body in time to the beats and she's loving it, we can't communicate at all (it's too loud, I just grabbed her and started dancing with her because her friend picked up some other guy and she was left out)... I'm feeling her stomach, her breasts, I'm getting my hand up her skirt and I'm trying to generate sexual tension by caressing her face and neck, eventually she goes to consult with her friend and after me and the other guy wait for a moment I grab her back and continue, however I think I should have moved her to outside for some deep diving, because I'm going through the same routine of grinding and feeling her up and it's getting stale. Eventually she ejects, the three of them go off somewhere and I don't follow. Later I see them coming back and I make sure I'm dancing with someone else (Thai chef chick who is a bit of a fatty but actually extremely cute and nice, she isn't that into me but consents to a little grinding anyway).

Moonface and friends proceed to cockblock me for the rest of the night, at one stage I did catch her eye and indicated her over, but she didn't comply (I'm finding this move to be extremely useful because it's low effort and it filters out the women who are going to be useless). Anyway I open a lot more women but it's getting late and I'm tired so it doesn't really go anywhere useful. By the end I've probably approached at least one target from nearly all the groups in the venue, and it's a really big venue.

When it closes I offer Housemate a lift home, but apparently my other mate is asleep in the car waiting for him, so no need. So head out of the venue and banter a lot with Thai chef chick, she says she works in the morning and so I suggest a date for later in the week (even though she's fat) but she's not down, makes some excuse about how we can catch up next time we see each other in the English pub, and so I say "in other words no... but it was fun dancing with you, next time turn around and face me though". Housemate joins in the conversation, I dunno if he met her earlier or if he's jumping in off my back, but they are getting on fabulously, and I'm happy for him. Later after we all go down to the street I see him number closing her, so I fuck off so as not to spoil the vibe... I open some more women down at street level but I must say it's like a wolfpack out there, there's absolutely nothing I can do to distinguish myself since if any girl peels away from the group of guys she's with immediately another horde descends on her... I realize there's no point having any game in this situation so I cross the street and go to Burger King and see if I can get a bit of gaming going there.

This is where it gets kinda interesting. I come in and open a cute-ish girl with nice tits by telling her I like her outfit, I then go order and I get my food, she's sitting near the counter so I turn to her/her group and ask her if she knows where I can get a straw... she says "yeah on the floor over there" and indicates, and sure enough the straws dispenser has been spilt onto the muddy floor... so I tell her she can go get me one and lick it clean for me (rediscovering my asshole vibe) and she's amused.

At this point a really hot little chick comes in and as she's about to get in line I open her and tell her she's totally cute, I'm really into this girl and she comes and sits beside me and I put my arm around her and start chatting her up, but then her boyfriend comes over and starts being a dick, like interrupting mid conversation to give her a really ostentatious kiss on the lips...

I also see another dude, who has clearly read GC, come over and try to number close someone from the table of women that I first spoke to... this dude was everywhere, opened a lot of the same groups I did in the venue... wasn't a bad guy but I see his game is a bit off, she is clearly just giving him her number to get him to fuck off... he's trying to get a text off to her (this is why I think he's read GC) when they all leave and he's like hey!!! wait!!! come back I'm sending you a text!! or whatever and she just blows him out really rudely. Haha.

Anyway back to my little cutie, well I compliment her on her outfit and her bangles and so on, some other guys sit down at the newly vacated table and they start getting into a drunken argument with her which is hilarious... she can clearly give as good as she gets, but she's a total pussycat to me. I start whispering in her ear and dick boyfriend comes over demanding to know what I'm saying, I stare him down and go "does it matter?" I'm so looking for a way to number close this chick discreetly. She says she needs to go to the toilet, so I say I'll show her where it is, she's down so I get up and begin guiding her across the restaurant, but dick boyfriend comes and starts being possessive again, by this stage I want to deck him and make off with the goods but it's not worth it, she's not at the stage where she'll choose me over him. Later I realize the right strategy would have been to tell her this: "Okay... here is the plan. We are gonna get up and casually walk to the door over there, while your friends are ordering... when we get to the door... RUN!" and this might have worked if I was dominant enough.

I hang around in Burger King for a while cos it's raining hard out... open a cute Chinese cutie in a tracksuit who is there with her friend, she was pretty put off by my approach but I calm things down and get some basic information out of her, cannot figure out what she's doing in the city in a tracksuit at 3.30am though. I ask her if she was clubbing and she's like "yeah right, do I look like I've just been clubbing?" and she eventually leaves me hanging on this, and goes off with her friend, oh well. I see Housemate come in with Thai chef chick and I say hi, they look kinda embarrassed to see me and fuck off, I hope he got lucky I shoulda let them make out in my car since they obviously couldn't use their car with my buddy sleeping in it, but I don't realize this until later. I talk to a Nepali dude out the front who is cool. I see dick boyfriend and the 2 girls going in various directions, and their body language looks like he's fighting with my girl (I'm not surprised cos he's a total dick, not a man, his insecure behaviour proves it)... I decide to go get my car and make an effort to steal this woman away into it, but when I get back with the car, I cannot locate them. Oh well.

It's time to go home. I'm exhausted and empty handed. But I got a slow dance, coulda been a great makeout if I'd gone for the kiss while I had the chance. I feel pretty down and insecure. I think of all the rude blowouts I got, and start to take them personally. I think of how my game was nonexistent in the latter part of the night (not rejecting compliance, giving too much information about myself, not moving women or going for the number at a high point, etc etc) and feel a bit depressed, like it's gonna be a long fucking journey to get better at this. But having written up the highlights above, I realize it was actually a pretty successful night. Certainly I opened a shit ton of women and had a lot of fun, basically 6 months ago I would have gone out, and not opened any women, and just made cow eyes at them on the dance floor... H'm!

Edit: Forgot to mention I'm going to an outdoor rave festival in two weeks, I'm planning to spend the whole time opening women. My more subtle game will shine here which it didn't tonight, since it's not a meat market and has more alternative chicks... luckily I spent years going to raves every weekend, so I know exactly how to handle this. I want to get laid at a rave for the first time, I've always been too timid to go for it before, and had no game, well that's history now, there will be 1000s of women there and I reckon I can do this. Anyway it turns out my buddy who I met tonight will be there, so we'll be able to drive/camp together and have a secure home base. Yeah!!

 

[snipefield]

Hey Ray, that's an impressive outing, you really gave it all you had!! I enjoyed the cocky/funny comebacks. Kudos for persisting with the girl at BK with the boyfriend. Were you not concerned at all when you opened her that the cute-ish girl with nice tits who you commanded to lick off the straws would be upset that you started to talk with someone else?

Also, did you see the hot little chick's boyfriend before opening her? Was not he not aggressive when he approached you?

Also, the conversation with the cashier in the store from your previous post was instructive for me. I liked the detailed breakdown of how to introduce some sexual tension into the conversation with the relaxation double entendre.

 

[ray_zorse]

Thanks bro, well the cocky/funny comebacks are an area where I hope to improve so they become automatic, but at the moment it's a lot of effort and if I come out with 3 or 4 in an outing I'm pretty rapt.

As to the cute-ish girl with the non-cleavage (lots of upper/inner slope but not pushed together haha)... well the whole point is preselection / making them jealous so it's actually a great idea to turn and flirt with some other chick for a while and see if it spikes, in this case it didn't (they left) but also I wasn't really engaged with her in the first place, just kinda sitting opposite their table and bantering a bit. A similar rationale applied with Moonface and Thai chef chick, I saw Moonface & co making their way over to the DF again so I wanted to get some preselection / IDGAF going by dancing with some other girl, just so it didn't look like I'd been waiting anxiously for them to get back.

I forgot to mention that I encountered Moonface near the DF after the lights went up, she started to turn away so I said to her loudly "it was nice knowing you" and slapped her playfully on the ass haha... also down at street level after I engaged two other touristy women and walked with them for a bit discussing plans for the continuation of the night (this at 3.30am, they insisted they had to go back to their hostel and pack for a 6am airport bus, I said no point going to sleep now, let's just party on etc)... I gave up and farewelled them, and began to walk back, and encountered Moonface again! This time I just said "heyy.." in a tender tone and touched her on the elbow as we passed each other. I think these antics were good for conveying interest without appearing chasey, whatever, she wasn't down, really regret not handling it all better.

Hot little chick's boyfriend: Nope he came in slightly after her, and I was sitting down near the queue so she basically filled all my vision as she went to get in line. TBH I probably wouldn't have had the balls to open if I had realized she was with a guy (but I reckon I need to change this as they are often just guy friends)... anyway no he wasn't that threatening, he was tall but that's about all you could say. I wouldn't say slobbish, but he reminded me of that quote from Chase's ebook, that most guys tend to continue dressing the way they did as children... hair average, weight average, no real musculature, etc. Anyway his behaviour was so beta that I could never be scared.

Cashier chick: Flaked... damn! I obviously did not generate enough attraction, but I'm glad I pushed the envelope by moving fast for the number. I'm gonna keep doing this.

Thanks so much for the detailed questions / feedback. This journalling shit is fun. I saw your latest posts too. Go get em bro Ray

 

[ray_zorse]

OMG this is as weird as hell, in a good way...

Some background: Last Sunday after my nightgaming adventure I slept in and then went to visit some family friends, this was because I wanted to visit my grandmother's BFF who is sick and staying with her son. Anyway the son (an Aussie) is married to a Chinese wife who is hot. I'll call her Ying. I guess she is late 40s and he is early 50s?

Well the first thing I noticed is on the phone her accent is OMG so sexy, sounds kind of British (Queen's English), she was born in Aussie and raised all over the place (Papua New Guinea, Hong Kong...??)...anyway so I was deep diving her for like hours, in reality I just wanted to keep her talking so I could listen to her voice. Well she is very religious and very much in love with her hubby, so nothing is going to happen, but still. She is also very altruistic, doing this 24hr care of her mother-in-law (with help of people from the Church) and so on... although I don't really buy the altruism, I think she wants recognition, so I was trowelling it on. I used all my GC conversation skills.

She was telling me about her bible classes and I said I'm interested in bible study. But actually I meant like academic bible study...like comparative linguistics sorta thing, where you have multiple copies of the source documents in different languages from different periods, and you can figure out that somebody added a certain passage to the Gospel of Luke later on which totally changes its meaning, or was inserted to make it sound like some bloodthirsty prophecy of the Old Testament came true, or whatever... anyway she talks a lot so I didn't get a chance to say any of this, instead she was inviting me to bible study, etc... I was adding cheeky stuff like "would it be sinful to hit on girls in bible study class" and she says seriously "ohh well not at all, I'm sure lots of lifelong relationships have formed through bible study". Etc, etc...

Another interesting thing that happened was they invited me to dinner and a young Costa Rican student from my uni came along too (I think they know her through the Church or maybe from a kind of "salon" that they give on Wednesday evenings for groups of students). She was pretty nice and I deep dived her a bit. She ended up sitting next to me at the end of the table, so I served her some dinner and had her move her chair in a bit etc, I probably looked like (a) I wanted to hit on her -- I didn't because I wasn't attracted enough, she wasn't giving strong signals and I was worried if things went badly it would get back to my hosts, (b) I was being a white knight -- that also wasn't the case, serving her food is because this is polite in Japan and has become a habit for me. In reality I was just being myself, and outcome independent.

Anyway so this is the text conversation I had with her (Ying, not the Costa Rican student) today:

08:21 Her: Good morning Ray, [my husband] has someone he would like you to meet and we are wondering if you a free on [date] for dinner. We know you have the boys on [day of the week] - is that every [day of the week]? Can you let me know? Enjoy the beautiful day we have been blessed with!
16:19 Me: hi Ying, sorry I had not got back to you, kids keeping me busy, on [day of the week] I am tied up until [time] in [place] so the earliest I could get there would be [time], that works fine for me though. I'm intrigued as to who I will be meeting
00:21 Her: That is alright Ray. I also have had a very full day. We saw your parents for dinner - here at home. We will look forward to seeing you on [date] around [time], if we don't see you before. I am also intrigued by who you will be meeting as I have heard of her but have not yet met her. If you are open to meeting single young women we know many

My God... I made quite an impression it seems.

Incidentally the lady I was visiting is married to a dude who I have become kinda close with, and he wanted at one stage to set me up with his daughter, or maybe it was his granddaughter, I never got around to calling her because (1) I was going through some issues at the time (2) I was shy (3) I was worried if it went badly it might impact on things...

What's the right thinking here?
(1) My hosts will have built me up as a BF candidate
- BF-disqualification in that situation will look like disrespecting my hosts
(2) Avoiding giving information about myself will be tricky
- Asshole-ish responses to her questions will look like disrespecting my hosts
- My hosts may feel tempted to fill in the blanks if I do avoid giving information

For these reasons I think I should decline... this could get a bit messy and at worst fuck things up with my family. But actually I think I'm gonna proceed because (1) it will be hard to say no to Ying and (2) I don't have much else going on right now, I took a break from daygame to concentrate on my life, but I think it's time to return to it soon.

 

[snipefield]

Very interesting, Ray! I like your sober assessment of the situation. Still, it's nice to know your charm is getting your social circle to work for you (in the best way they know how).

I had a New Testament historical analysis class just like you discussed. We used a textbook by Bart Ehrman, check him out, I think you will enjoy it (if you don't know of him already).

 

[ray_zorse]

Thanks man I will check it out. See also Christopher Hitchens. I saw your latest approaches. Very cool. IIRC Troy also commented you do a lot of approaches -- you do. More than me ATM but I am stepping it up. I realize I have been too complacent with long gaming chicks in places I frequent and waiting for the perfect timing to ask them out -- it never arrives. Also have stagnated by doing only occasional, usually situational, opens.

Other day opened another cute teacher on yard duty with "so you are a teacher here" and it ended up being a long conversation, even though I earlier said I had to go, she then re engaged me... hmm but for some reason did not turn it sexual or anything but friendly, my game was off but I think maybe this is because I was not all that attracted (even though she was totally pleasant looking etc), just no hit of adrenaline?

I had just come from a shop in another part of town, where I was not even sure if I had time to go inside at all b/c traffic was terrible, it was further out of my way than expected, and being late for school pickup is a no-go... but fuck it, it was a really interesting shop (selling recycled and vintage clothing) and I really wanted to start constructing the bad-boy look from here, https://www.girlschase.com/content/6-outfits-will-help-you-look-sexy so I went in.

Awesome move, they had exactly what I wanted, sorta old style biker jacket, very fitted, in soft black leather with snaps on the lapels, some zips and a badass built in belt. Chick in there was hot and kept giving me these really warm friendly smiles and eye contact and helping me in every way possible, we chatted a bit about the merchandise, I got her name and introduced myself with a handshake and I said "I would have liked to stay and talk with you for a bit longer but unfortunately I have to go"... Facepalm, should have asked for her number at this point, but instead I said "maybe some other time, I'd like to look through all the other interesting gear here too when I can", my reasoning was I hadn't built enough of a connection, but I should have skipped steps given her IOIs looking back. I could have been even more badass by having her show me the storeroom (which had several similar jackets in my size) and whispering sexual shit in her ear as she did so, note to self, I'm gonna try this kind of stuff and "I saw your sexy ass in those tight jeans and ..." type openers etc. Because why not.

Anyway back to Charlotte... as she worked the VISA machine I told her I could not help noticing the awesome tattoo on her forearm and we talked about this for a bit then I ejected with some lame ass remark about traffic and time pressure. Anyway I will go back and show her the rest of my bad boy outfit some other time (I had asked her about distressed jeans, etc and explained what I was aiming for generally). A good thing about my long gaming is I have girls literally all over the place (as will be seen in next part of my report) so I never really feel the urge to do anything creepy or weird such as going to a shop I don't actually need to go to. This helps me to keep things congruent and avoid pressure on me and her.

So today I took my kids for a skate at the beginner ramp in the skateboard shop in the city, saw a fat but gorgeous Asian woman there while I was chatting to the owner, thought she worked there but maybe not cos didn't see her after. Kids were very grumpy and cranky and I had to put them in time out and got pretty angry and stressed by the time we left (no sleep does this to me) but we proceeded with the plan of getting me some Chelsea boots and then giving kids a treat in the chocolate shop (both are in the most expensive and poshest shopping street right in the centre of town, surrounded by shops like Tiffany and such like). This was serendipitous.

So I've been taking the kids to the chocolate shop after we go to the riverside city park or whatever, for a year or two, but more frequently lately, and we stay a while so they can eat a croissant and then a dessert while I have an amazing hot chocolate... a month ago I met May, I didn't really speak to her beyond politness as she took my payment (felt shy and was in my head/not in gaming mode) but 2 weeks ago I re-opened her "I remember you from last time, what's your name?" and got out some game, a little kino etc, a little deep dive (though she hasn't given me a lot to work with so far), speaking her language -- she's Vietnamese -- and now she makes sure to take our table when we are there. She likes my kids too. (I usually put shirts on them and although they get covered in chocolate as does the entire vicinity, they are quite well behaved in this environment, lucky as it's really more of a posh adult-oriented place and they could easily be snotty at us).

So today I greeted her in Vietnamese and by her Vietnamese name (hard to pronounce) and asked her health -- she was happy -- game on. My youngest got stroppy about some mistake I made in his order and blew up a bit, and so I saw an opportunity for kino, leaned in close with touch and said in a low voice "it's been that kind of day..." Things pretty ordinary from there, more conversation (about her week, routine etc) whenever she was in the vicinity but it got busy so eventually I took the chocolate monsters to the toilet, cleaned them up and went to leave.

Well initially some coworkers were kind of around but I spent a little time asking her the total in Vietnamese and paying, it thinned out and she then did 2 things: addressed me by name with strong eye contact (her remembering my name 2 weeks later after serving hundreds of customers is a strong sign of investment, I realized at the time) and complimented me on my kids, I grabbed the chance.

May: Bye Raymond! You are so good with your kids, they are very well behaved.
Ray: (Smile, nod acknowledgement) I am usually busy with my kids and you are busy with your customers. (At this point the room goes a bit quiet so I lower my voice conspiratorially) So next time you have a day off join me for a drink. (I realize this could be ambiguous so I mime sipping a cup of tea -- VN girls often don't drink alcohol)
May: Okay. (She is nodding, she seems down, there may be a slight smile although her vibe is fairly neutral)
Ray: Write down your number for me. (Still conspiratorially)
May: (Looks over behind me and to my right to another customer waiting whom I had not noticed, my bad) I have to help this customer. Next time.
Ray: (Nods) You had better be ready. (Slight smile, eject)

Hmm. This could be the politest blowout I've ever had, but I think she is for real (if not no biggie). I won't hurry back but next time I'm there I'll just converse naturally and see if she slips me her number. I hope so. Note the boss or manager does seem to keep an eye on things (spoke to him briefly today before we were seated).

I feel great because I took action (I don't care about the result or lack thereof, I am pretty much outcome independent).

In other news I spent up big at the boot shop. My plan was to get fitted and then maybe get the Chestnut boots, and then bid on some ebay auctions for the black ones second hand to wear with my recycled leather jacket (there is an auction finishing tomorrow so I had to know my size before then)... however they had a special (reduce from $880 to $750 if you buy two pairs, also get two matching belts for $130)... so ebay wouldn't have been that much cheaper, these boots are handmade and hold their value very well, should last 10yrs with re-soling. So I just fucking went for it. Yeah!! The black ones look sick with skin tight jeans, recycled biker jacket and a dress shirt. You can't see the belt well but that's also sick. My mum will prob cover it since my birthday is coming up anyway.

Note the boots are Craftsman by R M Williams, made in South Australia. I saw a picture of our former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd wearing them with a suit to meet President Obama, apparently Obama liked them so much he wanted to know how to order them online. I highly recommend them to GC readers, see also styleforum.com or similar (can't remember) which has a kind of "last post you will ever need" explaining all the intricacies of sizing, construction, lasts (or is it laths), the different leathers (kangaroo... or ostrich anyone), etc. It compares them favourably to several European brands of custom made shoes with side by side photos and so on.

I also chatted up a cute checkout chick in the new supermarket opened last week near my home. A perfect opportunity for a deep dive as I could ask her what she was doing before. She may have caught me checking out her tits but it did not seem to bother her. Said I would see her soon and talk some more later since I'm right nearby. Then my card didn't work, had to pay her $5 by cash and card the rest. Damn those boots! So I joked that as I've held up her line I owe her a drink now and she laughed. More slow gaming... but I do feel it's good to build comfort and get them at least somewhat used to you before burning it down.

 

[ray_zorse]

OMG OMG I now officially have a player reputation!! I am so excited, not sure that I have really earned it, but it can only make things easier from here

More about that in a moment, just a few notes on preceding days.

Sunday uneventful, we went to the garden store and I saw some hot women I wanted to open, but I do not push myself hard when I am with the kids so I was waiting for them to come into my vicinity, in each case they rejoined their BF pretty soon. Oh well.

I really did not enjoy the family dinner on Sunday. I was cranky and tired due to lack of sleep. But even so. Going to these dinners is basically something I do for everybody else's sake. Particularly so my kids could play with their cousins and that's legitimate... but why do I religiously attend every Sunday even in the off weeks? Now that I am trying to upgrade myself to value my time more and stop complying with others' wishes... I realize I really should be making a cost/benefit analysis, and ditching it if it is not providing me value for my time spent.

Family dinner - pros
- I can flirt with my cousin's GF, she's a fatty but sexy and nice.
- I can see my sister Charlotte (see OR "women are dirrrty")
- I can touch base with my mum and my sister-in-law
- Brownie points w my mum who wants all family to attend
- I can flirt with older Filipino lady who helps my mum with the dishes, this time I complimented her on her outfit, she looked fabulous in a red top. I asked if I could borrow it to dress up as Santa on Christmas haha. Then she was telling me how she woke up with a sore shoulder, so I said I'll stand behind her and massage it while she does the dishes, I only charge $20 an hour (she told me this is what she charges) and we kicked this around for a while, eventually I offered her a discount to half price because she has a very sexy back, etc etc hahaha. One slight issue with this interaction was I instinctively went to get some touch going and then held myself back thinking it wouldn't be appropriate -- and this blocking reaction is something I am trying to eliminate. (Note she is married).

Family dinner - cons
- Generally boring conversation
- Takes many hours
- By the time dinner is served I have usually eaten so many cheese and biscuits I feel sick. I just fuckin knew this would happen when I ate the first one and I have worked hard to eliminate this, but only really had a few successful outings where I didn't eat cheese and biscuits. Fuck so frustrating.
- Generally fatty food and desserts although there are usually healthy options too. It's just I don't want to be near unhealthy food, it's too problematic for me. Fuck again.
- Other sister-in-law I don't really like, she never acknowledges me and I find this insulting. I'm willing to do some of the work.
- My grandmother's incessant whining and complaining.
- My dad putting people down all the time -- I was listening to him talking to my grandmother about her hired help -- this lady is so awesome, she puts up with so much shit and still loves my grandmother... anyway my dad was encouraging her to give her the sack for being less than 100% attentive while she goes through some personal issues... I can't believe how entitled they all are, I mean I'm not innocent myself (just spent $750 on two pairs of boots) but I don't dump on poor people.
- Fuckin hangers-on, my cousin's husband's mum usually comes along even though this couple actually lives 1hr away and never attends, she's not too bad but I find her presence intrusive, also her son, who is at uni but seems to be a bit of a mother's boy, he tends to come, and then just mope around being boring, and it often falls to me to take pity on him and drive a conversation etc. Well not this time, I ignored him. Ha.
- Having little common ground with my brothers, I particularly detest one of them (his girlfriend is having IVF and she attended without him, she's cool so I talked with her for a bit, but boy I feel sorry for her when she has a kid and discovers what a dick he is... she has a pretty fucked up family background herself so she probably doesn't value herself even though she is stunningly beautiful and very talented). Anyway my brothers are always thick as thieves about their steel company, and all their penis extension toys (motorbikes, boats etc that I have basically no interest in whatsoever, I don't have the time or the money to waste on things like that).
- I always feel bad about myself in these people's company, they look down on me as being immature, bad with money, a relationship fuckup etc... and I always seem to be trying to justify myself to them and raise my value in their eyes. Fuck.

Yeah anyway... maybe I'll give it a miss, at least in no-kid weeks. The best things about the night (1) chatting with the help and (2) getting 15 mins of shuteye when no one looking.

So anyway I got kids home and had enormous conflict with youngest, took an hour and multiple 5 minute timeouts in the laundry before I could break his defiance over an issue that was really not worth making an issue in the first place, but it was a matter of principle that once I say no it sticks. Felt totally exhausted from this and lay down on my bed, nearly went to sleep and then phone goes off! It's my skype date!

This woman I hadn't spoken to before, well she's young and hot, her only bad feature is probably her front teeth but they're pretty much fine. Video chatted her for 1hr and got some outrageous sexual frames and flirting in, my most successful language exchange to date... for example

(we are talking about the time difference)
Her: You have to go to bad now. (she means bed)
Me:You first!
Her: Starts laughing uncontrollably.
Me: It's pronounced "bed"... e.g. you are bad in bed
Her: Starts giggling all over again. No I'm god girl!!
Me: You are naughty girl!! But I'm a God in bed!
Her: Gets the joke...laughs so hard she falls off her chair
Her: God you mean like in Heaven
Me: I take girls to heaven (I've been keeping it more deadpan, just smiling a bit but I cannot help kacking myself now... the great thing about these Skype interactions is you can see yourself the whole time, imagine being on an insta date with a mirror on her shirt, you can calibrate yourself more easily, I have eliminated some troublesome expressions/mannerisms)
Her: You always say the flirt, you are a bad man... etc

Anyway I felt a lot better after this. Haha.

So I hatched a plan to re approach Helga the cute teacher, this time in her classroom before school... get some dominance going (have her sit down and pay me attention, get her number etc)... maxed out my outfit, got kids organized, was only 5min late leaving the house... anyway cock blocked again by my fucking 5 year old who decided to stage a major trantrum at care so I had to ring my ex and her mother to come and help deal with it (my time finishes at 9am so its over to them)... arrived at school with 5min before the bell, thought I would approach Helga anyway and walk her down to assembly, start to go find her then realize the logistics are not good. Anyway she came late, I did catch her checking me out from the other side of the stadium but she was too far away to establish proper eye contact so I looked away to the side. Tried another stratagem to "bump into her" afterwards but timing was off. I had a coffee date setup with another mum in any case. Damn.

Now here comes the juicy bit, this mum had requested to meet with me and talk with me about an issue, well it turns out that word on the street is I'm sleeping with Sam, my mistress mentioned multiple times in these posts... Our friendship is no secret but I'm not sure how people knew we were together, I guess she has been indiscreet cos I haven't, in fact I've repeatedly stressed to her about security and she hasn't complied until after multiple soft NEXT... or maybe people just guessed. Apparently people are keeping tabs on how often and when we meet (it's actually no secret that we have a regular Wednesday playdate)... so apparently some gossipy mum has said to the mum I'm having coffee with (whose name is coincidentally also Sam)... that I am lining her up as my next conquest. Supposedly every time we're in the vicinity the electricity crackles between us, this is news to me since I'm not even attracted to Sam #2 (have met her for coffee once before and deep dived her and shared a lot but this was only on a friendly basis)... I threw in some half hearted chase frames "Ohh then you should stay at least a hundred metres away from me... but you're not are you... " and I'm certain this was an IOI, if I played my cards right she mighta been down. But I didn't want to, I'm sick of screwing women just because they chose me. Told her as far as I knew she was happily married but if I'm under a misapprehension then do explain... I wasn't sure that I had done anything to express interest, not that I'm uninterested since you're an attractive woman... etc. We got onto discussing society generally, slut shaming and so on. This woman is cool. But she asked if I'd mind not approaching her in the playground due to her reputation, she's happy to be friends though. I said sure, whatever, personally I wouldn't let the gossip control me, but then again I'm not a woman... also when she initially brought up this topic I just laughed and said oh right... everyone thinks I'm getting lots of sex... awesome that's the nicest compliment I've been paid in a while etc (got this from someone's FR on how to handle player reputation)... anyway I was a bit non plussed overall but it's gotta be good right. Pity about Sam getting slut shamed tho. Note I didn't confirm or deny any of the rumours to Sam #2.

 

[ray_zorse]

Update after thinking about this on way to lunch, my cluster B ex was mentioned as part of the "keeping tabs on Ray" brigade and I now realize she likely started the rumours to get revenge on Sam for giving evidence against her in Court... what happened was the ex falsely claimed I had acted threateningly towards her at the school fete (and had stalked her to an interview at the kindergarten), I had a kick arse legal team and I had Sam give evidence that she'd witnessed nothing untoward in my interactions with ex (and a letter from kinder staff confirming ex to be a lying bitch) and I beat her arse. Hmm. It's either that or Sam's drama at the grade 1 drinks mixer which occurred before we ever fucked, but I thought that went under the radar since everyone was plastered.