A Stoic Journey

[AspiringStoic]

July 16

Got back to approaching after a 2 week gap. Had a bunch of big picture stuff to take care of and hence this gap.

Today went out for exactly an hour. Had to do some warm ups asking for directions and then did 4 approaches. No long conversations today. Mainly due to my own anxiety and discomfort after the break.

Looking to build on this and make the second half of July really good with respect to approaching.

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 17

Temperatures are soaring here. Needed to stay indoors. Went to a different part of the city to a mall I rarely ever visit.

The new environment threw me off a bit. I did 2-3 warmups and then ended up doing 3 approaches. One of them was an extended conversion.

Slowly getting back into the routine after the 2 week break.

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 18

Very busy day today. Just 1 approach. But it was a 2 set and had a 3-4 minute convo. So that was a first. But gotta do more.

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 19

Went out for 1hr 20 mins. Still getting back into my groove after the 2 week break.

Did 3 warmups and then 5 approaches.

Was a bit off with my vibe today. So the reactions also seemed to reflect that. No real conversations. Just hit and run compliments.

 

[Bob Z]

Sorry if this is common knowledge but whats the difference to you between warmups and approaches?

 

[AspiringStoic]

Ahh with warmups I just ask some simple questions like directions to some place or some opinion openers. Helps when I am very rusty.

When I say approaches I mean opening with a compliment.

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 22

Had very little time today. So I wanted to make it count. I am relatively comfortable with just compliments. Meaning opening with a compliment and then just wishing them a good day and leaving. Or just having a quick 10-15 second chat and leaving.

But opening direct, sticking in there, having a proper convo and then going for the close is still a big challenge and evokes a lot of anxiety. So now I am trying to push myself to do these full fledged approaches. I feel for me, doing even 1 full fledged approach is equal to doing 3-4 compliments. So today wanted to do 1 full fledged approach.

The Approach
Saw a girl sitting on a bench eating something. Walked up to her and opened direct, complimenting her dress and saying I wanted to meet her.

She was a bit confused at the beginning but then understood and relaxed a bit. Did some basic convo. Found out where she is from, what she does for a living and what she is doing now.

She was about to just go to work, I could see it was a polite convo and she was about to leave. But still I wanted to practise going for the close and went for it.

She was put on the spot and it was kinda funny watching her try to come up with a reason to justify her saying no.

She came up with something about not visitng this city often. I was like that is okay, no problem, nice talking to you and we both exited with a smile.

Feel really proud today. Feel that sense of satisfaction that I really left my comfort zone and accomplished something. Looking forward to do more of these.

 

[gameboy]

Great job my friend! It feels so good when you go for the next level. Even though the girl might reject you, the important thing is you didn't reject yourself!

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 23

Another big victory today!

It was hot as fuck. Went out with an intention of doing 1 full fledged proper direct approach. Was feeling quite anxious as soon as I was infield. Did 1 warm up asking for directions and then some banter. That helped.

The Approach

Saw a tall girl walking quite slowly. She seemed to be taller than me, but I don't really care about that, I feel its an extra challenge to approach them. As I was about to stop her she actually sat down on a bench. I took a few more seconds to brace myself and then went in.

Opened with you look stlyish in red and I wanted to come say hi. Did a cold read on where she was from. She was again a bit hesitant for the first 5-10 seconds but then got comfortable. She was from the UK. Vibed about football as I watch a lot of English football as well. Then we spoke about studies and travelling for a while. Just basic stuff. She was travelling and was leaving tonight from my city.

Then I went for the close. Asked her out for a drink. She said sure, she was leaving now but it would be good to stay in touch and I got her digits. We spoke a bit more and then I exited the conversation.

Feeling great. Back to back on two days now I have managed to do a full fledged approach and go for the close.

Looking forward to keep this going.

P.S. It is such a great feeling though. Both yesterday and today I have had this deep sense of satisfaction for the entire remainder of the day once I did the approach. Yesterday I got rejected, so it is not even about the outcome. I feel its just a deep sense of pride and satisfaction of having taken action in a very difficult but very important area of my life. Love this feeling.

 

[Higher]

I have managed to do a full fledged approach and go for the close.

Great milestone! Ure progressing nicely.

I feel its just a deep sense of pride and satisfaction of having taken action in a very difficult but very important area of my life. Love this feeling.

Yeah, and cool thing is: that feeling never gets old

 

[gameboy]

Way to go!

That feeling is awesome isn't it? I had it the day before yesterday after approaching a hot girl on the beach. Was my second time directly telling a girl "I liked you and wanted to talk to you." She politely blew me out after a few minutes of conversation, but it felt great nevertheless!

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 24

Yessss! Three days in a row now.

Today went out with the aim of doing at least 1 full proper direct approach.

Started walking around for about 10 minutes looking to find my target for the day. It was really hot and I started to get sweaty. I wanted to do the approach before I was soaking in sweat but AA was quite high. Dismissing many girls due to stupid excuses.

And then I saw her! Sitting on a long bench in the shade with people sitting on either side of her. On one side was a guy but he had earphones on and to her other side was a girl reading a book. The gap on either side of her was quite small. But my brain came up with a crazy idea to just go sit next to her as if I know her and deliver my opener and see what happens. The moment I though about it, my heart rate shot up.

I was trying to dismiss the idea, telling myself I am not yet ready to do something audacious like that and that I should look for an easier situation to approach. But on the other hand it was hot as fuck and I was lazy to walk around more and get stickier. Finally after almost 2 minutes of mental back and forth I told myself "Okay just do it for the experience. Regardless of what happens, it will be a cool story to tell and you will see that whatever happens you won't die".

The approach
I took a deep breath and went in. She looked up as I got near her and I smiled and sat down next to her as if I knew her very well and this was the most causal thing to do. I opened with a cold read "Hi. Are you from Spain by any chance?"

She wasn't and then I delivered my main opener telling her I was waiting for my friend and I saw her and thought she was pretty and I wanted to come chat for a while. She blushed and told me her English is very bad. I said that is okay and tried to continue the conversation. But she was blushing big time and just kept saying she cannot speak English. The thought of whipping out my phone and using google translate occurred to me. But it was a situation with a lot of social pressure with the people around us probably listening and that was all the tension I could handle for now.

So I wished her a good day and told her she looks great again and exited.

I went shopping after this and I noticed a lot of people looking at me. Probably because I had a big ass smile on my face. I literally could not stop smiling to myself for the next hour. If anyone had told me even last week that I would do an approach in such a scenario, I would have laughed at it. I was really astounded by what I did today.

There is so much talk about looks maxxing and status etc nowadays but I realized something today:

Direct Cold Approach = "Confidence Maxxing"

And I think in terms of actually getting girls Confidence Maxxing is going to get way more results than anything else at least for most beginners.

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 25

A busy day today. But wanted to keep the momentum going.

The Approach

Saw a girl at a bus stop and decided to approach as it was not very crowded around her. Opened with the direct compliment and telling her I wanted to meet her. Its the best reception I got so far. She was instantly receptive in a friendly way.

I was still quite nervous. But had a regular convo. I am still not calm enough in a convo to get into teasing or any other tech. Just keeping it basic for now.

After 3 minutes, the bus arrived and I went for the close and pitched a drink. She said yes. We both got on the bus and I got her digits and then got off the bus.

Again felt great after doing it. I almost did not do an approach today as it was very busy at work. However, if I had not done it, I would not have been able to bask in this good feeling for the rest of the day. So I am very glad that I did it.

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 26

Today was a landmark day for me. My best day so far since when I re-started cold approach since October last year. 3 proper direct approaches!

Funnily, I think the main reason I got the drive to do 3 approaches is because of the brush off I got in the first one.

1st Approach

Asian girl walking. I stop her and she takes out her earphones.

Me: Hi, I just saw you as I was walking and I thought you looked very stylish, so I wanted to come say hi.
Her: Ahh thanks.
Me: Are you from Korea by any chance?
Her: Nope. I am busy. (Walks off)

That hurt a bit. But it was so minor that I was surprised. Something like this would have destroyed me even a few months ago. But now I felt bad for about 10 seconds. Then I felt satisfied that I had done my task for the day.

But I I was not quite satisfied to call it a day with just that and felt like doing 1 more at least. 2 minutes later, I see a girl with a really cool hairdo.

2nd Approach

Girl walking slowly looking around. She stops the moment I get near her.

Me: Hey, I think your hair looks great. It caught my eye so I wanted to come say hi.
Her: Ohh thanks a lot.
(After this some basic convo about where she is from, what she is doing here etc.)

Then I go for the close, tell her I would love to take her out for a drink. She tells me she has a boyfriend but that it was great that I approached her. We then talk a little more and then say goodbye.)

After this I felt way better. I was satisfied with my work for today and decided to move on with my day and go shopping for grocceries.

Then as I am walking I see another girl. She is quite stunning. Definitely hotter than the girls I usually approach. I look at her and think ahh one day I will be approaching and getting these kind of girls. Something to look forward to.

But then I realize she is walking in the same direction as me and I let her walk ahead of me. 2 minutes in, my brain starts saying just fucking go for it. So I decide sure, why not.

3rd Approach

Again same thing. She is walking, I come up and stop her and deliver my compliment. She likes it but her English is bad and she is looking at maps and is late to meet a friend. But I say 2 seconds and continue the convo. Get some basic info about her and she again tells me she needs to go. I then just go for it and ask her out. (my balls are growing )

She then tells me she has a boyfriend of 9 years. I joke around that maybe next time I see her, she will be married and walking here with a kid. She laughs and we talk some more and then part ways.

I am on cloud 9 after this. Its been 5 days in a row now. And I can already see how I am getting more bold. But at the same time, I know this is just kind of like beginner gains. I need to remain consistent and really cement this change in my personality and behaviours for it to become a part of me. But hey one day at a time.

 

[Higher]

Somebody is leveling up quickly!

Love how you said "2 seconds" and she complied. We can extract more investment from people and get away with much more than we imagine if we persist in a cool way.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Somebody is leveling up quickly!

Love how you said "2 seconds" and she complied. We can extract more investment from people and get away with much more than we imagine if we persist in a cool way.

Thanks. Just don't want to kid myself and lose sight of how important consistency is.

I already know that I won't be able to be infield some days in August so until then trying to build good consistency.

 

[gameboy]

Impressive my man! Keep it going!

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 27

It was a day of awkwardness. But I broke another barrier today.

Went out to do my approaches earlier in the day as I have plans for later. Was planning to do at least 1 full fledged direct approach and then see if I felt like doing more. Ended up doing 3.

Approach 1
Asian girl at a bus stop. Opened direct with a compliment. She is super young, just starting Uni. I continue the conversation but it is a drudgery as she is quite socially awkward and though she is talking, she is hardly saying anything. I think to myself that I would go for the close and still get the practice. But for some reason, I don't feel like it. So I just wish her a good day and leave the convo.

Approach 2
This is where I hit a new level. I really feel this week, my courage gas been growing every day by doing these direct opens. I see a 2set of Asian girls. One of them looks very stlyish. I don't even see their faces just from behind. They are walking ahead of me. I decide why not open direct and compliment the stylish girl and see what happens. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE OPENED A WALKING TWO SET DIRECTLY.

I am amazed about how my brain is coming up with these ideas when most of the time it used to come up with reasons to not approach. I again think. Fuck it. Lets do it for the experience. I go in and stop them and open with a direct compliment on one of the girls though I look at both of them while delivering the opener. They are stunned but slowly understand and start to smile. In fact the girl I actually complimented seems like she is hesitant or did not understand what I said but the other girl understood and is beaming. I then ask where they are from. But its still the stylish girl looks at me awkwardly and then just starts to walk away. Her friend now has no choice and starts to walk with her as well but she still looks back and tells me they are from China.

Its all so awkward even I am kind of stuck haha. But I smile back and say okay good to know. Have a great day as they are walking off. That felt very awkward but I also feel great because I have just literally done something I have never done in my life before.

Approach 3
I decide to do 1 more just to match yesterday's tally. Cute girl with a nose ring is walking. I stop her and deliver my compliment and she thanks me and is about to walk off. I act unfazed stand my ground and keep talking and she kind of comes back and starts talking. Basic conversation but I get the feeling that she still wants to leave. But then she asks me a couple of questions and we talk some more and I ask for her name. She says why? I use this and say I thought you look cool and I wanted to invite you for a drink. She tells me she has a boyfriend and walks off saying bye.

So all in all, I did 3 approaches but all three of them were awkward but I am still happy and really stoked. I have done direct approaches 6 days in a row now and have done 10 of them this week. Its amazing progress. Going to enjoy the Saturday and reward myself.

Looking forward to more adventures.

 

[AspiringStoic]

July 29

Another day of keeping the momentum going. But another small breakthrough.

Went out after I took Sunday off from approaching to just relax and enjoy a week of great work where I broke through many personal barriers.

Today, I wanted to start the week off with another day of at least one direct approach and ended up doing it successfully.


The Approach
Saw a girl walking quite slowly as if she was a tourist. She was quite cute and petite. Went in and stopped her and delivered my compliment. I told her she was stylish but she was surprised as she felt she was dressed quite casual. I just went ahead and continued the conversation and she was quite receptive from the start and contributed to the convo.

At this point is when today's breakthrough came. For the first time I was calm enough that I was able to add in a deliberate tease into the conversation.

At one point, I was making her guess where I was from and I gave her some obvious clues and she still got it wrong.

I said "Looks like someone was not paying attention in geography" with a playful disapproving look.

She was like noo I actually was paying attention and told me her score in geography.

We then walked for a bit as I was going the same direction and then at the intersection I went for the close and said I would love to invite her out for a drink. She said now is not a good time and I said nope I don't mean now we can text and figure out when we are both free. Then we exchanged contacts and went our separate ways.

So a great start to the week. Although, I did only 1 approach I was happy that I was able to be calm enough to add in a tease. I can clearly see that my anxiety both to open and even during the conversation is slowly coming down. Looking forward to another week of growth and building on last week.

 

[gameboy]

You're killing it man!! Keep going