A Stoic Journey

[AspiringStoic]

Tomorrow I will go out in the morning and direct approach 3 girls or at least spend 1 hour infield trying to do so.

Sucks to write this. But yeah I failed at this task. Did not go out today as I wanted to do.

Reason? Pure indiscipline. Slept late as I was watching Netflix, woke up late and had only enough time to pack and leave.

But anyways will just enjoy my little vacation and get back to approaching either Sunday or on Monday.

 

[AspiringStoic]

19 August 2024

Back from my vaction. But my sleep schedule was all fucked up. Spent most of the day in bed.

Did not feel like going out at all. But again I had slipped into this mindset of if I go out, I need to do a direct approach or else its not a success. Wanted to snap out of it.

Went out with the objective of just taking a walk for 10 minutes. I was out for around 25 minutes.

Saw a girl at the bus stop, was about to open and a flurry of tourists swarmed out of a bus and she got lost in the crowd. Then her bus came and she got on. So missed that.

Then could not find any solo girls for a while. So ended up doing 3 indirect opens asking for directions.

Actually the 3rd girl was really hot. But it was a dark street and I was not in the frame of mind to approach and go for it with a girl like her at that point. So instead of not talking at all just ended up asking her directions.

Its good that I went out. I want this to be my goal. That for the rest of August, I go out everyday regardless of how many and what kind of approaches I end up doing.

 

[AspiringStoic]

23 August 2024

Back with a bang!

But in all honesty, I have to reconsider a few things. Anyways first the report.

Went out super late. After sun down. I had lost momentum due to the gap in approaching and it being dark already, did not help my AA. But I said I am going to try for 1 hour regardless.

Did 3 warmups. Just asking for info, directions etc. Then ended up doing 5 approaches. So technically my highest in one day.

Approach 1
Walking set. Girl with tattoos. My anxiety is high. Dark street, so I am a bit more on edge. Go in and deliver my compliment. She slows down, thanks me but continues walking. I ask her to stop and that I wanted to have a quick chat. But she is hesitant and still keeps walking and I just wish her a good evening and let it go.

Approach 2
Gurl at a bus stop, really hot. I go in deliver my opener and she smiles but does not take off her earphones. But I continue talking and she starts opening up. But its still a very stifled convo. Within 2 minutes her bus arrives and I hesitate and she gets on it and leaves.

Approach 3
Asian girl walking. Its on the main street and I am preparing to open. She abruptly turns into one of the side streets. This is darker and I don't want to do it there. So I just run and catch her at the edge of the street. But its all fucked up by then. I open from the back, she stops but is weirded out. I deliver the opener and she walks off midway through.

Approach 4
Exact same thing. But this time I open on the main street itself. But I am not calm due to what happened with the last set. But I go in and open, she slows down, registers that I am talking to her, looks me in the eye and just walks off. Lol

Approach 5
Funnily after two blowouts, my anxiety is way down. I am in the "what the fuck else can happen, I have seen the worst" mindframe. I am waiting for my bus at the bus stop. Cute blonde next to me. Open direct, she smiles and immediately says she is a mother who has just given birth and is not in the dating market. I joke about whether she is in the talking to people market and she is like of course and then we get talking. Just basic getting to know each other stuff, she even stands next to me in the bus and chats with me till I get off at my stop.

Takeaways
I am not reading too much into today's approaches. I was nervous, made a lot of mistakes, got weird reactions. Nothing surprising there. I am just happy to get back into approaching and proud that I could handle my emotions pretty well despite the blowouts.

But on a larger scale. I think I have been kidding myself.

COLD APPROACH PICKUP IS FUCKING HARD!

Forget the skillset. Just learning to master your emotions is such a difficult task. Dealing with anxiety, awkwardness, rejections, fear of what other people think etc are all things that need a lot of time and practice to overcome.

It requires massive action and consistency. I need to double/triple my efforts unless I plan to take a decade to get to where I want to go. I have been fucking around and trying to squeeze in approaching after scheduling everything else in my day.

How the fuck can I expect to learn this if I treat it as an afterthought???

This week I missed so many days because I put other things before approaching and then I had no willpower left to go approach.

I went to the gym and was focused on hitting a new PR on my deadlift, I went to some random event because my friends invited me. All these things are good. But my first and foremost priority now is to get good at cold approach. All these are distractions and ways that I have been avoiding doing the hard, scary thing which is approaching.

I want this to be a wake up call to myself. My actions need to reflect that cold approach is a priority to me. I need to spend at least 4-5 days a week approaching and 6-10 hours of the week on this. Otherwise I will get nowhere for ages.

Gotta step it up big time!

 

[gameboy]

It's even harder after dark, I think. Never really tried it at night, I usually call it a day when the sun is down.

Funnily after two blowouts, my anxiety is way down.

I've had that experience too! After a rejection (i.e. getting ignored by a girl) I felt like now I'm warmed up, now I'm ready for the real thing.

 

[Higher]

COLD APPROACH PICKUP IS FUCKING HARD!

It is. Yet u still approached 5 girls at night and took whatever happened in those sets like a champ. So props for that.

Just learning to master your emotions is such a difficult task.

Yes. And it gives tons of value back in many areas of life.

All these are distractions and ways that I have been avoiding doing the hard, scary thing which is approaching.

Funny how this scary thing gets addictive at some point.

 

[AspiringStoic]

It's even harder after dark, I think. Never really tried it at night, I usually call it a day when the sun is down.


I've had that experience too! After a rejection (i.e. getting ignored by a girl) I felt like now I'm warmed up, now I'm ready for the real thing.

Yeah. But I have done it after dark. I started approaching last October/Novemberish so went through a winter where it already got dark around 4pm. But that time I was still mostly doing indirect. But come this winter, I will need to get used to doing direct even after sun down. By then hopefully I get more comfortable.

And yes sometimes I feel more than getting a good first set, a bad first interaction is better to remove our internal shackles and start approaching boldly.

Yet u still approached 5 girls at night and took whatever happened in those sets like a champ. So props for that.

Thanks for the support. Yeah its something that would have destroyed me emotionally even a few months ago. So it is massive progress in terms of inner game I guess.

Funny how this scary thing gets addictive at some point

Yup. This happens when I am on a good run. But I am not there fully yet. Whenever I leave a gap, I start avoiding it. I really want to over invest in cold approach. I have been putting other things in front of it.

I think cold approach gets harder the older one gets. Simply because we get more set in our ways and is difficult to change our identity. So I really want to get this handled now in the next few years.

 

[AspiringStoic]

24 August 2024

Today went out mid morning. Making sure to put this as top priority and not putting it off till later. It was alredy really hot. But went around bus stops and the mall trying to get in the approaches in the shade. As soon as I reached the place where I start approaching, I set a timer for 1 hour and was determined to focus on approaching for at least that 1 hour regardless of anything else.

Approach 1

A really cute girl at the bus stop. Stood next to her for a few seconds and then opened with my direct opener and she smiled and was quite shy but we got talking. The convo was very flat as I was stifled and she was quite young and was not the most social girl. But she did ask me a couple of questions. Then her bus arrived and she left.

Approach 2

It was too hot, so I went into a mall. A lot of girls in the mall, but my AA is always higher in malls. But today I was determined to do at least 1 approach inside the mall. Walked around for quite a while and then saw a good opportunity as a cute girl was walking slowly without too many people in close vicinity of her. Went in and stopped her and delivered my genuine compliment opener. It was like magic, she gave a great reaction and was truly flattered. It was smooth and comfortable right from the start. She stood there similing and making conversation easily. My confidence got a boost and I was way more playful and calm in the conversation. I could add some humor into the conversation and she was loving it. I noticed her holding great eye contact and also playing with her hair. I started thinking of pitching an instant date. I asked her what she was doing and she said she is shopping and then going back home to her boyfriend who is cooking. I playfully told her that this was inconvenient as I was planning to ask her to join me for a drink. She said she would have loved to but she cannot as she is in a serious relationship. She thanked me 2 times for approaching her. It was a great conversation, I loved it as well. We then shook hands and parted ways.

Approach 3

After that I was riding high. As I was leaving the mall I saw another girl I had seen inside leaving as well. I waited till we were on a side street and then went in and stopped her and delivered my opener. She smiled and thanked me and immediately stood still. She was not as open as the previous girl but I continued the convo and she started opening up. It was not as flirty as the previous one but I think its just because the girl was younger and not as good at conversation. But we still spoke for around 5 minutes or so and then I went for the close. Said I wanted to invite her out for a drink and she said sure. We exchanged contacts and then walked together for a while before going our separate ways.

After this I was feeling good. A good day"s work and I checked my timer and it was 58 minutes. I decided to call it a day and decided to go get my gorcceries. As I was waiting for the bus I saw another girl. Not very attractive but she had cute earrings.

Approach 4

I just wanted to compliment her on her earrings and see where it goes. I went in and did that. She did not get it and I had to repeat it. She then just said thank you and walked towards the bus that just arrived and that was that.

So a good day of work today. Mostly, I am happy that I went out and did the approaching first. Put everything else later. Now I get to enjoy the rest of the Saturday having the satisfaction of having taken action towards my goal.

 

[AspiringStoic]

25 August 2024


Today was even hotter, soaring temperatures. So I went out even earlier. Same routine as yesterday. Got to the centre and started my timer and set it for an hour. After the session, it felt like I played a sport rather than approach girls, thats how sweaty I got.
Anyways ended up doing 5 approaches.

Approach 1
Really stylish looking girl walking on the main street. Went up and stopped her and told her she looked stylish. She was smiley but thanked me and was already walking off. I just stood my ground and started talking and then she stood as well and in fact came back a few steps. We had a brief conversation. She was visiting from another country. After 2 minutes, she was like I gotta go. I went for the close and suggested getting drinks before she leaves. She told me she was with her mother and it would be awkward to have a date with her mother also tagging along. We both laughed at that and I asked if she could somehow sneak away for a couple of hours. And she was like noo, I cannot justify that. We came on a mother-daughter trip solely to spend a couple of days together. After that, we said goodbye. It was a good state boost for me.

Approach 2
Doing the second one is always so much easier after getting the first one out of the way. Just 2 minutes after the 1st interaction saw another nice girl in red. Went up and stopped her and gave her a compliment. She received it well and I tried to cold read her nationality. I got it wrong. But after that she was like I am sorry but I am going to go. I could have said 2 minutes and persisted but for some reason I just felt it was useless. So I just wished her a good day and left.

Approach 3
Cute Asian girl taking a picture. Went up to her waved my hand and was delivering the opener. And she just said no no no and something in her native language and just backed away. I was like wow okay that is unnatural but whatever and just let it go.

Approach 4
Really summery cute girl. I stopped her from the front as she was walking towards me and this time I just asked her if she spoke English before giving out my compliment. She started smiling, stopped for a second and then said no and walked off still kind of smiling. I think it would have been better if I had let her pass and then approached her from the side like I usually do. But anyways good that I opened.

Approach 5
This girl looked like a marathon runner. Extremely skinny but she had a nice face. She was walking quite fast but I really for some reason wanted to open her and see what happens. I had to half jog to catch up to her and then I opened. She stopped and I delivered my opener. She was very thankful. She said she has been having a fucked up family situation and that she felt really good that I came up to her. We had a quick chat and she invested a bit and asked me where I was from. Then she told me she was in a hurry. I said I know this is random and we really did not talk much but that I would like to grab a drink with her and talk more. She was like sure. Once this family thing ends I think my mind will be clear and we can do that. We exchanged contacts and she thanked me again and left.

This last approach was a revelation. I thought it was the most low probability thing. She was walking super fast, looking down and wearing earphones. But turned out to be my best interaction of today. You just never know. Its always better to open.

I need to remember this:

I have never regretted opening a girl even if it went badly, but I always regret when I don't open. So better go up and open with a sense of lets see what happens.

Anyways, I had a bad start to the week, skipping approaching on many days. But kind of salvaged this week with the approaches I did in the last 3 days. Looking to be more consistent in the coming week and spending at least an hour approaching almost every day. Today after all the interactions, it was 57 mins and I decided to call it a day.

 

[gameboy]

Looks like you're pretty good at getting numbers! I wonder if I'll ever get there lol. (just kidding, I know I will)

Out of curiosity, what is the opener you're referring to? Do you always use the same one, or is it situational?

 

[AspiringStoic]

Looks like you're pretty good at getting numbers! I wonder if I'll ever get there lol. (just kidding, I know I will)

I am sure you will. As long as we consistently work on this and always keep pushing our comfort zone just that little bit so we move on to the next stage. I think we will get there. How fast will it happen? I think that depends on how much we put into it. I am also trying to up the ante and make sure to put at least an hour into it everyday.

Out of curiosity, what is the opener you're referring to? Do you always use the same one, or is it situational?

My opening is very simple. Only 2 variants.

Direct
"Excuse me. I saw you as I was walking/waiting for my friend and I just wanted to come and say hi because I thought you looked very stylish/nice/pretty etc"

Cold read-Direct
"Excuse me. Are you from country x?"
Her answer
"Oh okay. I just saw you and thought you looked quite nice/pretty/stylish etc and wanted to say hi."

I use the second variant when I am more nervous or when its a more high pressure situation or when a lot of people are within earshot. It just gives me that few extra seconds where she reacts to that first innocuous question and then I can state my intention.

Situational opening I never do. To me, it puts me in my head, I don't want to start thinking what to say when I see her. That is a recipe for hesitation, overthinking and bailing on the approach. Maybe later on when I am fully comfortbale opening direct, I might incorporate situational for strategic reasons. But for now I want to become a guy who can go direct and be unaplogetic about his intentions.

 

[AspiringStoic]

27 August 2024

I had a big deadline to meet yesterday and had to work past actual work hours. So did not go out to approach yesterday. Today went out immediately after work. Same routine. Got to the center and started my timer and set it for an hour.

I was feeling introverted and stifled. Did a couple of warm ups just asking for directions.

Aprroach 1
Really pretty girl sitting near a bench waiting for somoene. I went in and opened direct telling her she looked very nice. She was receptive and we started speaking. I was nervous for the first few seconds and then calmed down. She was very talkative and conversation flowed easily. She asked me a lot of questions and I got to know about her as well and it was such a nice vibe. Exactly what I needed to get out of my head. In the middle she mentioned a boyfriend in passing. But we just continued the convo. Then her friends arrived and she had to go. I did not want to presume anything so I still went for the close. She told me that she did indeed have a boyfriend who lived in another city but that it was serious and thanked me for the great convo.

Approach 2
Funny how the second approach is always so much easier. After this, just within 5 minutes saw another really hot girl sitting down on a bench. I was quite intimidated as she was really pretty. I went up and opened and instantly she shook her head and turned her face away saying she does not speak English. It caught me off guard but I just left.

To be honest, this is where I see the real growth in my internal state. Before these things would sting like hell and I would feel so embarrassed and keep thinking back about it over and over again. Now I literally feel a bit off or a bit embarrassed for 5 or 10 seconds and then I am back to normal. I love this development in my emotional state control.

Approach 3
A cute girl at a bus stop. I opened by asking her if she was Spanish and she said no but with a slight smile and then I told her that I just wanted to say hi as she looked cute. That got a bigger smile out of her and we started talking. But literally a minute or so after the convo started, her bus arrived and she had to go. So I just bid her goodbye.

I checked the clock after this and it was an hour by then. So decided to call it a day.

I realize the scariest part is the open. After the first 3 to 5 seconds it becomes like a normal conversation. All I want to do is to get really good at navigating that first few seconds and being able to handle the uncertanity of the open. After that it gets good. The scariest part about cold approach is just that, the initial "coldness" of the open and then, the conversation either ends or you get into a normal conversation.

 

[Higher]

The scariest part about cold approach is just that, the initial "coldness" of the open and then, the conversation either ends or you get into a normal conversation.

Yeah, once u build enough reference points u start seeing patterns or "templates" in girls responses (shes in a hurry, shes super shy, shes in a very bad mood and blows u off quickly, shes very receptive and happy to meet u, shes distant and polite, shes not sure, etc).

And it gets way easier. U know theres only a small number of response templates she can give u, and ure prepared for all of them.

But yeah, as u mention, at the beginning u walk on brittle ground and just have to plough thru.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Yeah, once u build enough reference points u start seeing patterns or "templates" in girls responses (shes in a hurry, shes super shy, shes in a very bad mood and blows u off quickly, shes very receptive and happy to meet u, shes distant and polite, shes not sure, etc).

And it gets way easier. U know theres only a small number of response templates she can give u, and ure prepared for all of them.

But yeah, as u mention, at the beginning u walk on brittle ground and just have to plough thru.

Yup its true. My logical brain already understands it. That is why when I get a bad reaction now the thought that pops up is "Oh its just one of those. Move on to the next one."

But as I do it more I think slowly my emotional brain will also understand it and acclimatize to it.

 

[AspiringStoic]

30 August 2024

Again a two day gap because I had close out an important project at work. But today I went back into it. Actually set aside not just 1 but 2 hours for approaching today. I had a goal of doing 5 approaches or spending 2 hours trying to do them. I could call it a day after completing either of them. But to my surprise it ended up being a great day infield in terms of number of approaches.

Approach 1
Cute Asian girl walking. Crowded area but I develop tunnel vision and get into this I am just going to open whatever happens mode. Stop her and deliver my direct opener. Then cold read about her nationality. She ends up being Chinese. Some basic rapport speaking about China, what I am doing here and what she does etc. I am still slowly warming up, so conversation is not very flowy. But after 3-4 minutes, I go for the close and she agrees and I get her number, wish her a good day and leave.

Approach 2
Its hot as fuck so I head to the mall. See a really cute girl who is checking the information kiosk. I wait till she finishes and go in. I deliver my opener she understands me and thanks me but she does not speak English, she offers to speak German but my German is very basic and it ends up being a logjam. I could have whipped out Google translate but that idea popped up only after I left. But to be honest, I would rather approach another girl than take that much trouble.

Approach 3
Just 2 minutes after that approach. I see another tall girl. Not that pretty but she is almost taller than me. I like that kind of thing so I go in and open direct. She is surprised but we get into a conversation. Its still basic stuff not really a flirty vibe but its a smooth flowing conversation. Then I feel its time to go for the close so I ask her what she is doing and she says with a guilty smile that she is waiting for her BF. I tease her saying this is very inconvenient for me as I was about to ask her out on a date. She again gives me that guilty smile and says yeah.. but I am taken sorry. I then ask her if its serious and whether she is going to get married and she says yes she sees that happening. I thought I would leave it at that, wished her a good day and she was like thanks a lot for approaching me though and wished me a great day as well.

Approach 4
Went to the floor below in the mall and saw a girl eating an ice cream with her headphones on. Two reasons to not approach, but I am like fuck it, lets try and see what happens. Go in and open and she takes off her earphones. But.... again no English. I manage to give her a compliment in her native language she perks up and smiles at me and thanks me profusely. Then I say a few more lines that I know in her language and then bow out. Soon I should be able to speak to girls who don't speak English as I am working on the native language of the place where I live. In a few months I think I should be at least able to do a simple approach in that language. Lets see

Approach 5
I get out of the mall. See an older woman. My brain says no you cannot go direct. Its unusual, she seems older than you. I challenge this thought and go in and do exactly that. She accepts the compliment but she is distracted and looking at the board to figure out her train schedule so I just wish her a good day and leave.

I am satisfied now as I have done 5 and I look at the timer and wow its just been 40 minutes. I have done 5 in 40 minutes! My best so far. I decide to call it a day and head to do my next task.
But I am in the zone and another girl who walks past catches my eye.

Approach 6
Hippy kind of girl who is walking slowly, I go up to her and stop her and deliver my compliment opener. She loves it and I guess her nationality. I get it wrong but she is intrigued why I guessed Italian. We start to have a conversation and she is enjoying it. But 2 mins in she I think feels guilty that she is leading me on and kind of abruptly tells me that she is married and shows me her ring. I look at it and say well its still good to talk to you and she is happy to chat longer and she starts asking me questions. We have a great conversation for another couple of minutes and part ways.

Today felt great. I approached some girls that were in crowded areas where I would not have approached before. I approached quickly and did not let the doubts in my head stop me. I also had a great calm and non needy vibe and was just enjoying the conversations which feels great. So all in all a great day infield.

 

[AspiringStoic]

31 August 2024
Today was a landmark day on my journey that I have embarked on since December last year. Recently I have been feeling good and been able to handle AA way better and been doing more approaches. But I always chose the quieter streets as it still scared me to do cold approach on the very busy ones where lots of people are around. But today, I wanted to test myself and headed to one of the busy areas. I knew there would be a lot of girls around here but also more people watching but I wanted to test myself. And boy was I glad I did. It was a great session!

I go to the area and start my timer. I set it for 1 hour today or 5 approaches.

I have realized like a lot of daygame guys used to say, the 1st approach is crucial. The quicker you get it out of the way, the better the session is going to be. It does not even have to go well. You just need to break the barrier within yourself. Today I was able to do the first approach within 2 minutes of starting the timer and that was the key.

Approach 1
Saw a girl walking with a football jersey. Went in before any excuse could pop up in my head. Opened with a direct compliment. We were at a pedestrian crossing. We started having a convo. She was polite but it was not anything special. As the signal turned green, we both crossed and I asked her out for a drink and she told me she had a boyfriend. Then as I was leaving she was like, you are very nice. Have a great day.

Approach 2
Within 5 minutes of the last approach, see a stylish looking girl walk past. I again go in before the excuses get to me. Went up to her, stopped her and opened direct telling her she looked amazing so I wanted to talk to her. She loved it but she was like I am really in a hurry. She said thank you again and left.

Approach 3
This was my proudest moment.
I see a 2set. One Asian and a really cute Spanish looking girl. I have only ever opened one 2 set before direct. But I brace myself and go in. Stop them both and look at my target girl and tell her she looks very attractive and I wanted to come and speak to her. She is flattered and friendly and we start speaking. Within the first minute I also acknowledge the Asian girl and bring her into the convo. Turns out they are both tourists and they just met at their hostel and sightseeing together. I talk to the Asian girl as well but mainly concentrate on the girl I am interested in. The Asian girl is nice, she does not get in the way, she even moves away and starts taking some pictures and lets us talk. After a while I find out my girl is leaving tomorrow morning. But I still go for the close and ask her if she can come out for a drink today. She said they signed up for a pub crawl but maybe I can join them. I say hmm I will think about it as I have my own plans. So I just get her whatsapp and exit the conversation.

Approach 4
Had seen a cute girl sitting on the bench as I was going out to approach the last set. I see that she is still there. I go in sit in the bench next to her and open direct. She takes the compliment but immediately looks back at her phone. I still just continue talking
but she says sorry I am really not in the mood to talk and I am like sure. Wish her a good day and leave.

Approach 5
See a cute Asian girl with pink streaks in her hair. I go in and compliment her on that. She likes it but is very shy and not really good at English. We still have a convo for around 2 minutes and she is also leaving tomorrow. I again pitch the drink for today evening but she says she wants to rest as she is leaving early the next day. And I leave it at that and wish her a good day.

And this is the best part, having done 5 approaches, I look at my timer. Its just 35 minutes!!!

I managed to do 5 full fledged direct approaches in 35 minutes. That is amazing for me. Also I loved how quickly I went in for the approaches after seeing the girl. Its been a long journey from being super scared to even ask for directions in November/December last year to this now. I am excited to see what stage I will be at by December this year. Would be great to compare.

 

[AspiringStoic]

2 September 2024

Okay I am going to be making my reports more brief from now on. I am getting busier as I am starting to learn a language along with everything else. Also as I am able to handle my AA better, I am starting to be able to do more approaches. I do not want to be spending as much time writing the reports as I spend doing the approaching.

My focus is still on the QUANTITY of approaches rather than quality. I want to reach a stage where I can consistently and easily approach 10 girls on any given day within a 2 hour window or so before I begin getting into too much detail about the actual conversation techniques.

So today went out and set the timer for 1 hour 30 mins or 5 approaches.

Approach 1
Walking Asian girl. Direct opener. Basic conversation. Not leading anywhere. Just warmed up and ejected.

Approach 2
Another cute Asian girl walking. Stopped her and opened direct. She thanked me and walked off before I could say anything else.

Approach 3
Really stylish looking girl with earphones and dark sunglasses. Felt intimidated and hence wanted to approach. Stop her and open direct. She is actually nice and quite flattered, Good convo, she is very feminine and shows interest and I am encouraged and also add some teasing. After 4-5 minutes, go for the close. She says no as she has recently started seeing someone. I persist and she says its getting serious and she does not feel good to start another thing and I leave it at that. This interaction gives me good vibes.

Approach 4
Cute blond walking, I approach, she gives me a head nod and turns away. No English.

Approach 5
Taller girl and really beautiful. Again I feel fear so decided to do it. Stop her and deliver compliment. She quickly tells me she has a fiance and we end the conversation.

So today only 1 solid convo. But I am more focused on being able to open and this was great as I again did all the 5 approaches within 45 minutes and all of them were on girls who were walking. I literally go in just focused on getting the direct opener delivered calmly.

Though emotionally today did not feel good, I know logically that it was a great session as I was able to open without much hesitation. Big progress. Looking to keep it going.

 

[Bob Z]

incredible efficiency man with how many approaches you can get in in such a short time! you must be in a bustling area to see that many good looking girls around. if you keep up at this pace you'll definitely keep leveling up quickly

 

[AspiringStoic]

incredible efficiency man with how many approaches you can get in in such a short time! you must be in a bustling area to see that many good looking girls around. if you keep up at this pace you'll definitely keep leveling up quickly

Thanks bro. Yeah I am truly blessed to live in a city with a big population and tons of hot girls. There are areas where I see 3-4 hot girls every 5 minutes. Also I don't know I have always had a wide taste when it comes to girls. I am not super particular about blonde, brunette, big tits, small tits etc. I just really like girls! Their hands, their legs, their voice, them smiling, them laughing, them playing with their hair etc.

And my dream dating life would be to have a variety of girls of different kinds both in terms of looks and personality. Its only AA that has been holding me back. As I start to conquer it, I can easily see myself approaching 10-20 girls a day haha. I am slowly beginning to really enjoy the whole process of talking to girls itself. So even the sets that don't go anywhere are overall increasing my level of happiness.

 

[AspiringStoic]

4 September 2024

Again I missed approaching yesterday as I could not fit in everything. But I went swimming and got some exercise in which is also needed.

Anyways today went out in the evening after work. Started my timer. Set it for 1 hour 30 mins or 5 approaches. Again I knew first approach was crucial as it determines how the entire session goes. So as soon as I saw the first cute girl about 10 minutes in to the session, I went in and opened.

Approach 1
Cute girl in black at bus stop. Direct opener. She liked it. Basic convo. No special vibe. Me just warming up. Went for the close and she said she is staying single for a while. Persisted just for practice by saying lets just get a drink and see where it goes. Got her social media and left.

Approach 2
Cute dark haired girl walking. Direct opener. Was proud to do this open as there were people sitting at a cafe outside in close vicinity. She liked it but was heading to a date and was late. I said okay if it does not go well, she can come on a date with me and went for the close. I was half laughing as I said it as we had had zero conversation. She loved that and also laughed and said no no. If that is meant to be, then the universe will bring us together again. We both laughed at that and parted ways.

Approach 3
Really pretty girl. Someone that would intimidate me. She was walking, stopped her and went direct. She was a sweetheart and loved it. I was amazed by how calm I was in the set. I was holding good eye contact and was relatively relaxed. We spoke for at least 4-5 minutes and then I went for the close. But she had a boyfriend. She said she really loved the fact that I came up to her and really appreciates it and it was great talking to me. I said likewise and we parted ways.

Approach 4
Cute Asian girl. I approach. She smiles but continues walking. Probably no English.

Approach 5
This was the best one. Really hot girl for my standards. My mind kept saying she will be bitchy, talk to someone else. I wanted to really test this random thought, so went and opened direct. Boy was I wrong!! I think this was the best interaction I have had so far in my cold approach journey. There was great chemistry from the beginning. I felt super confident and very relaxed. I teased her about some things when she mentioned she was a lawyer. I shook hands and held her hand deliberately for a few seconds longer. She was enjoying the convo immensely as well and was super feminine in everything she said and did. However, she did end up having a boyfriend and I just persisted saying maybe she should come out for a drink with me and then she would re-evaluate her romantic life altogether. I said this with a cocky smile and she loved it. Haha. Anyways she stuck to her guns and said no to the date offer but we spoke for a few more minutes and ended it on a high.

Another amazing day of approaching. All the 5 approaches were done in 40 minutes. I loved how I was able to go in to the approaches without too much of a gap between them and how well I was able to manage my AA.

I really would never have believed it if someone had told me I would be having this kind of conversations with these kinds of girls on the street 8 months into my cold approach journey. I would feel uncomfortable just being in the presence of such girls a few months ago. I am loving these changes I am noticing in myself.

Also another big thing is to never be short sighted with cold approach. There is a lot of randomness involved. Its only good to evaluate oneself in chunks of 3 months. Looking back since December last year, every 3 months I have seen improvement looking back at the previous 3 months. Really excited to see where this journey is taking me.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Social Circles/Platonic Women Friends/Cold Approach/Abundance

This is not a field report. But a bit of a note to self for me. I am not posting it anywhere else on the forum as this is related to my situation and I do not want to come across as advising anyone through this post.

The Beginning
During my teens, I was shy and insecure but never socially stunted in any way. I had mostly male friends but a few females ones as well. My insecurities did not let me be comfortable around girls so I chose to spend as little time in their company as possible. I just stayed away from them altogether and avoided contact with them while of course being still immensely attracted to them.

Finding Self Improvement
Then in found self improvement and pickup lite. My mind was not yet open to full pickup advice but I was heading in that direction. I realized I needed to get comfortable with girls and then came a period of 4-7 years of going out of my way to socialize. Going to meetups, making more friends in Uni, talking to tons and tons of girls all in a PLATONIC context and becoming comfortable just being around them. Developed a lot of friends in this time and became very socially competent. Acquired lots of girls as platonic friends and would hang out with them all the time.

Crushes/Scarcity
Now though I had girls around me, I was not getting anywhere with them sexually. Was a nice guy and always in the friendzone. I used to develop crushes on every new attractive girl that I came across and befriended but it lead nowhere. I was crushing on girls at Uni, work, any hobby or other activity I went to basically everywhere.

Online Game
During this time, I also started online game and slowly started changing my nice guy mechanisms. I was terrified to "try new things" and start flirting with girls in my social circles, but started doing it online as there were no consequences of fucking it up there. And fuck up I did. A lot in the beginning and then less and less and then go to a point where I started getting success. Dates, one night stands and some relationships as well.

Scarcity and Crushes Continue (Not being able to man up)
The successes helped. But now I always felt something was still missing. Deep down I was not proud of myself because I had way more hotter girls I knew in real life and I saw everywhere around me and the feeling of not having the balls to go out there and express my desires to them and turn them into dates kept gnawing at me.

Not being able to focus (Not being free)
I felt I was always at the mercy of women. They just had such a hold on me. I would go to Jiu Jitsu class and instead of focusing on learning, I would be scheming on how to impress the cute girl there, or not fucking up in front of her, or of trying to get a coffee with her after class instead of fucking learning Jiu Jitsu.

I would go to language exchange or Improv to really learn these things but if there were any pretty girls there, slowly they would become the focus. I hated this. I was still MASSIVELY NEEDY AND DID NOT HAVE A SENSE OF ABUNDANCE. I knew now that there was one thing, one scary thing that I had been putting off, but it seemed like that was the key to unlock the prison of neediness I was still stuck in.

Enter COLD APPROACH
What I was looking for was freedom and autonomy. I wanted to keep my dating life separate from my work life, hobbies, friends circles etc. I did not want my desire for women to be seeping through and poisoning every aspect of my life. I wanted to reach a stage where I could go about my life without feeling distracted by every pretty woman that I encountered when I was doing other things in my life that were important to me. And I knew there was one thing that I had been avoiding that could give me all these things. COLD APPROACH!!!

Starting the Cold Approach Journey
I began this journey in October-November 2023. But I have been consistent since December 2023. Progress has been slow but steady. I have now in the last 2 months begun to really be able to approach girls that I am into and express my desires without inhibition and go for it. Going for closes, becoming comfortable with talking to these pretty girls and FLIRTING with them. Becoming a SEXUAL GUY and moving away from the friendly nice guy character. But there is still a long road ahead to get to where I want to be.

But now there is conundrum and a new kind of obstacle that has come in my way. I will outline this in Part 2 of this post.