A Stoic Journey

[AspiringStoic]

July 30

My first instant date!

Today started off quite bad. I have some uncertanity hanging over me in another aspect of my life. This really is not the best emotionally. It cranks up my anxiety and puts me in a worse mood. Usually on such days I would never go out to approach. But today I just wanted to go for a walk and see if I felt like it and at least do 1 approach.

Going out in gym clothes

As I was about to leave the house, I realized that I had not put my laundry out and all my good shirts were wet. Dang! I just put on my gym clothes and went out. I was feeling quite self conscious to be out in gym clothes. I told myself whats wrong? Daygame is supposed to be done in a natural way while going about things, so it will feel like I am just going to or coming back from the gym. This reframe helped.

The Approach
Still my anxiety was quite high and I spent quite a while walking around. I then saw a cute Asian girl who was clearly a tourist walking slowly taking pictures of the city. My mind seem to give me permission to open her as she was not intimidatingly attractive.

I stopped her from the front almost and delivered my compliment opener. She responded well and was not shy as many Asian girls tend to be. The convo flowed well and she asked me if we could move to the shade and we both walked for a while till we found shade. We spoke some more and she asked me a lot of questions. I found out she was in town only for another couple of days. I went for the close and invited her to meet up for drinks today evening. She told me she was going to a show in the evening and asked if we could go grab a drink right now! I was like yeah sure lets do it.

The Instant Date

I took her to a cool bar that is well known in my town. We spent an hour there. Had a drink and spoke about her studies, my work, her hobbies, tv shows etc. It was all rapport building not flirtatious at all. I realized it but I was just happy to have this first experience of an instant date and was not too bothered about the quality of the date or sexualization etc.

I was just basking in the power of what cold approach can do for us. I mean I had literally left my house in my workout clothes in a bad mood after a day of work and half an hour later, I am sitting at a bar with a cute girl. I mean WTF?!! This is amazing.

This is truly like having a super power! And I am not even good at this yet. I am just a beginner, cannot imagine how life would be if I got really good at this.


Anyways, after finishing our drinks, we walked around the city a little more and this time around when we were walking our shoulders and arms were kind of brushing against each other but she did not seem to mind or did not make any attempt to pull away. I registered this and realized maybe I can escalate more. But again was just happy and enjoying the moment. After that we sat on a bench for a while and spoke some more and then it was time for her show. She seemed keen on meeting again but I have a busy couple of days but lets see.

Anyways this was a great day for shattering many of my limiting beliefs. I literally went out not dressed well and ended up going on an instant date to a popular bar all in gym clothes lol

Cold approach and taking action definitely is more important than fashion and other trivialities! I will always remember this day.

 

[Curwen]

Very cool man! My first instadate was also a really nice one! Then there have been other ones where I escalated too much and it all blew up... in the bad way

 

[gameboy]

Awesome man! I'm happy for you and also quite jealous. But that's a good thing because it helps me to take more action myself!

If I were to give you an advice, I'd definitely meet up with this girl and try escalating physically. Because it seemed like she did all the leading except for the approach itself right? It's great when that happens, like a freebie of sorts. However usually most women need the guy to lead, except for the real dominant ones that I personally wouldn't want to be with in the first place. So it's a good thing to practice too!

 

[AspiringStoic]

Awesome man! I'm happy for you and also quite jealous. But that's a good thing because it helps me to take more action myself!

If I were to give you an advice, I'd definitely meet up with this girl and try escalating physically. Because it seemed like she did all the leading except for the approach itself right? It's great when that happens, like a freebie of sorts. However usually most women need the guy to lead, except for the real dominant ones that I personally wouldn't want to be with in the first place. So it's a good thing to practice too!

Yup she did lead indeed. I went for the close but she is the one who pitched the instant date.

And yeah I would like to meet her again just for the practice at least but the problem is her evenings are booked and she is free in the mornings/afternoons.

I have to work at that time. So lets see I will try to get her out late evening.

 

[AspiringStoic]

31 July


A day of going through the motions and keeping the momentum going.

Went out late evening today and my vibe was a bit off due to some other things going on in my life. But still managed to do 3 direct approaches.

Approach 1

Plain looking girl nothing so great about her. But wanted to get the ball rolling. On the tram stop, went in and opened with a compliment and then got into a basic conversation. She was quite cold and not really saying much and within 2 minutes her tram arrived and she said bye and left.

Approach 2

Pink hair and nose ring and a bit of an alternative style. Went in and opened with a compliment on her style then transitioned into a cold read. She literally said:

"I am really sorry. Its nothing about you. But I have had a bad day and I am not in the mood to chat."

She sounded sincerely worried about something. I said no problem its okay and said I hoped her day got better and left her alone.

Approach 3

A girl with a lot of tattoos and funky style. Opened with a compliment and she smiled and was a bit more receptive. Went into a conversation but her English was very bad and she was from Mexico. I still continued the convo battling through the awkwardness but there really was a big language barrier and she seemed very self conscious about her English. This was at a bus stop and a bus that goes towards my house arrived and this was not really going anywhere. So I just exited the conversation and got on the bus.

So no big breakthroughs today. But a good solid day of putting in the reps. That is what matters. Looking to keep it going for the rest of the week.

 

[AspiringStoic]

1 August

No approaches. Cold approach and all the emotions that come with it are a challenge to handle by themselves. But when life throws other obstacles my way, I feel my emotional state cannot handle cold approach.

I have been waiting to hear back on something very significant in another area of my life. This uncertanity has been there since Monday this week. I handled it well and did approaches till Wednesday but yesterday I just could not get myself to do it.

I still have not heard anything and seems like it may take at least another week. Today I am trying to finish everything else and then centre myself and try to go out in the evening. Lets see what happens.

Need to be able to be okay with uncertainty. After all life is always to a degree uncertain.

 

[gameboy]

1 August

No approaches. Cold approach and all the emotions that come with it are a challenge to handle by themselves. But when life throws other obstacles my way, I feel my emotional state cannot handle cold approach.

I feel you! Sometimes one just needs a day off.

Maybe it helps to do some lighter form of approaching (quick compliment, "just hi", or any other one of the "drive-by-opens" that I did so much) just to try and keep the momentum, until you feel ready to do all-in approaches again?

 

[AspiringStoic]

I feel you! Sometimes one just needs a day off.

Maybe it helps to do some lighter form of approaching (quick compliment, "just hi", or any other one of the "drive-by-opens" that I did so much) just to try and keep the momentum, until you feel ready to do all-in approaches again?

Hey thanks. That is actually a good idea. I will try to lower my expectations and try to just do something easy today.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Anyways my state did not improve too much on Saturday and I ended up not approaching at all.

Today, I finally got some good news in that important matter I had been anxious about. So kind of feeling back to normal. Went for a walk, late evening after dark but did not open any sets.

So this week was great till Wednesday and then it fell apart a bit. But anyways want to get back to it and start off the new week well with some approaches tomorrow.

 

[AspiringStoic]

5 August

Back with a bang! (Haha not really )

Since Wednesday last week, I had lost momentum as I was worried about something else going on in my life and had not been able to muster up the emotional fortitude to do the approaches even when my mood was worse than normal.

But I wanted to start off the week well. Went out today with the aim of doing at least 1 approach. I had quite a bit of AA after the 4 day gap.

The Approach
As I was walking around anxious, I saw an Asian girl walk past. Quite short but really cute. I made up some excuse to not approach and kept walking. Then I realized that I had already let 3-4 girls go past like this and this would end up with me getting more and more in my head.

I turned around and saw she was quite a long way away now, but I was like fuck it I am doing this. I basically jogged for a good minute or so and then caught up to her. I steadied myself for a few seconds and then went in. Opened with a direct opener telling her she looked cute. She was flattered. Her English was really good and we started talking. I cold read her nationality and got it right and she was stunned. We spoke a little more and just vibed. She had a strong handshake and I told her that and she seemed kind of embarrassed about it thinking it was a masculine thing. She had already mentioned a boyfriend in the beginning while we were talking about something else.

But she seemed to be enjoying the conversation and I thought, I would still go for it and went for the number close. There again she told me she would not feel its right to give out her number as she is in a serious relationship. I said I understand and wished her a good day and she told me that she really enjoyed this and we parted with a smile on our faces

So not back with a bang! But still back to it and I felt quite comfortable in the convo. Not too nervous. Last week's good work has definitely still had its impact on me. Looking forward to more of this in the coming days .

 

[Curwen]

5 August

Back with a bang! (Haha not really )

Since Wednesday last week, I had lost momentum as I was worried about something else going on in my life and had not been able to muster up the emotional fortitude to do the approaches even when my mood was worse than normal.

But I wanted to start off the week well. Went out today with the aim of doing at least 1 approach. I had quite a bit of AA after the 4 day gap.

The Approach
As I was walking around anxious, I saw an Asian girl walk past. Quite short but really cute. I made up some excuse to not approach and kept walking. Then I realized that I had already let 3-4 girls go past like this and this would end up with me getting more and more in my head.

I turned around and saw she was quite a long way away now, but I was like fuck it I am doing this. I basically jogged for a good minute or so and then caught up to her. I steadied myself for a few seconds and then went in. Opened with a direct opener telling her she looked cute. She was flattered. Her English was really good and we started talking. I cold read her nationality and got it right and she was stunned. We spoke a little more and just vibed. She had a strong handshake and I told her that and she seemed kind of embarrassed about it thinking it was a masculine thing. She had already mentioned a boyfriend in the beginning while we were talking about something else.

But she seemed to be enjoying the conversation and I thought, I would still go for it and went for the number close. There again she told me she would not feel its right to give out her number as she is in a serious relationship. I said I understand and wished her a good day and she told me that she really enjoyed this and we parted with a smile on our faces

So not back with a bang! But still back to it and I felt quite comfortable in the convo. Not too nervous. Last week's good work has definitely still had its impact on me. Looking forward to more of this in the coming days .

Yeah, if you have a break for some days, or something else bothering you, I find it's really good to get out as soon as possible and do at least one approach. It's a rough ebb and flow in your head sometimes, you just have to ride with it in some way.

And those positive conversations, even when they go nowhere, can help! Nice going!

 

[AspiringStoic]

6 August 2024

My best day so far in terms of number of approaches. Did 4 full fledged direct approaches and 2 other opens.

Approach 1
Took a long time to do the first one today. Almost 25 minutes. Saw this cute girl walking. Went in stopped her and delivered my compliment opener. She smiled and stopped and I had like a few seconds of conversaton. Then she said she was rushing to work and her boss would be angry as she was already late. I could have walked with her. But I was still very stifled. So I wished her a good day and let it go. I was happy to have opened that 1st set.

Approach 2
Girl smoking outside an office building. She looked very nice but taller than me. I like that. Walked up to her way more confidently now after that 1st open. Delivered my direct opener and that I would like to talk to her. She smiled but right off the bat I felt it was all polite and she was not really hooked. But I continued and she used to answer me but was looking at her phone. I asked her if she was doing something important. She said no and that she was just checking her messages as she was taking a break. I did a cold read on her nationality and got it right and this seemed to perk her up a bit. She started engaging a bit more. But still I could tell she was not really biting. But she was about to finish her cigarette so I went for the close. She smiled and said she has a boyfriend and that it was nice talking to me but she could not come out with me. We then wished each other a good day and left on a positive note.

Approach 3
Now I was warmed up and raring to go. Saw an intimidating looking girl with alternative style. She was walking quite fast. Caught up to her stopped her and delivered my opener. She stared at me blankly. I asked her if she spoke English and she said no. Even the no she said in her native language. So I decided to not continue and just bowed out of the interaction.

Approach 4
Cute girl with a nose ring. Walking fast. I could not get to her quickly as there were a bunch of toursists walking between me and her and then she wheeled off about to go into a store. I was feeling bold and still went in just as she was opening the door. Stopped her and delivered my opener. She was taken by surprise and stopped and we started talking. We had a basic conversation for 30 seconds or so and then she again reached for the door to go into the shop and I went for a hail mary and just asked her out for drinks. She was shocked in a pleasant manner and started to blush but declined. I felt great just because of how bold I was being. And then we again ended the convo with a smile on our faces.


So these were the direct approaches. I kind of had hit a stride of great momentum. I was not planning to do more but ended up doing 2 more opens on the way back.

2 set
Waiting for the bus, I saw two girls at the corner. They looked like twins. So I went up and told them I noticed them and was wondering if they were twins. They smiled and said no and I was like oh so just sisters? They were like no, we are just friends. I was genuinely surprised as they looked so similar. Then their taxi arrived and they said bye and left.

Asian woman on bus
On the bus on the way back, I sat next to an Asian lady. I was in momentum and just got the urge to open even on the bus. I just turned to her and asked if she was from Japan. She got super awkward and said no and turned her face away. That was a weird reaction so I just let it go. But then I had to sit in that tension/awkwardness for the rest of the bus ride. But I remember thinking why should I feel awkward? I just tried to be friendly and she was not up for it. Not my fault. I then just checked my phone and sat right there for the rest of the bus ride.

So a great day in terms of the number of approaches. But still anxiety was quite high in the beginning and was not feeling very calm. Looking forward to continue this for the rest of the week.

 

[AspiringStoic]

9 August 2024

Again had a 2 day gap and got back to it today. I think these small gaps are not good. More on that later. But first the report.

Went out in the afternoon. Really hot day. Due to the 2 day gap, I felt rusty and anxious before doing that first set of the day. But ended up doing just 1 approach. But it was a full fledged one.

The Approach
Bus stop. Cute and stylishly dressed Asian girl. I hover for a few seconds and then open with the direct compliment opener. She instantly moves closer to me, that is a good sign, I pick up on it. She is also smiling but kind of shy.

I do a cold read and then get into some light banter. Again nothing fancy, just basic small talk. But she hooks and starts asking questions. I kind of don't know if its just politeness or she is interested but we talk for a good 3-4 minutes.

Her bus arrives and I see it coming and go for the close. Surprisingly she says yes instantly to my drinks invite. I get on the bus with her and we exchange contacts. I talk for a while longer and then get off at the next stop.

A routine approach. But even doing this was way out of my comfort zone 3-4 months ago. So I am really happy where this is going. Now on to the part about skipping some days.

Approaching Everyday: Experience some discomfort but get positive emotions everyday

So here is what I have observed. Whenever I do an approach or some approaches, I really feel a great sense of satisfaction, pride and competence that I took action in this area of my life which is a very big priority for me.

As a result, the entire rest of the day I am on a high. On the days that I don't approach I don't have this great feeling and instead feel low level guilt that I am bailing on approaching. My excuse is always, I will do more on the next day(s) to make up for the days I missed.

But here is the funny thing. Next day if I do 3 approaches, its not that I get 3 times the amount of positive feelings or that it lasts 3 times longer.

So by not approaching everyday, I am actually depriving myself of this great feeling on many days. Why not have this great feeling 7 days a week than have it only on 2-3 days a week?

So for now, for me its more beneficial to do at least 1 approach everyday than doing 4-5 approaches together on 1 or 2 days a week. Will keep this in mind and try to not skip days unless it is absolutely not possible to approach.

 

[AspiringStoic]

10 August 2024

Hot as fuck. Had plans with friends. But wanted to keep the momentum going.

Went out in the afternoon. Goal was to do at least 1 approach. Ended up doing it on a really hot girl.

The Approach
See a really hot girl on public transport. Could not approach her there as it was crowded. Waited till she got off and then as she was walking on the street I approached.

Opened with my direct opener telling her she looked great. She was flattered and I started having a convo. She was replying but kind of uncertain and kind of walking off. I said I was going that way as well and we both started walking and talking. Then she stopped again and by then she asked me a question. I thought she was slowly warming up to it. But again she made a motion to start walking and this time I told her listen I am going this way, seems like you are in a hurry, I know this is random but I want to ask you out for a drink sometime.

She was again flattered but hesistant. I used a statement of empathy, told her I know this is all random and kind of sudden meeting like this on the street. But had to take my chance to meet her. I said we could exchange social media, text a bit and then she could decide. She liked the idea and smiled.

We exchanged contacts and parted ways. Felt great as I got a number yesterday as well. I am not delusional though, I know most of these numbers I am getting are not solid. My conversation is very basic and I am usually quite nervous.

But I am happy about getting to a point where I am able to approach girls that I really find attractive, show my intent and go for the close albeit clumsily and nervously for now.

I am sure I will get more calm and collected the more I do this. And then it can only get better and I can work on solid conversation skills.

So another day of taking action and feeling great about it.

 

[AspiringStoic]

11 August 2024

Kept the momentum going. Missed an instant date opportunity.

Have a packed Sunday but wanted to squeeze in at least 1 approach.

The Approach
Saw a black girl walking with a suitcase. She was clearly a tourist. I thought she had probably just arrived and that I should welcome her to the city with a warm and positive cold approach.

Went in and delivered my direct opener. She was instantly friendly. But she asked me for help, she was actually leaving the city and wanted to know how to get to the airport. I knew this was not ideal to get into a helping frame. But she genuinely seemed confused. And I said I would show her the bus stop from which she can go and that I was heading that way. Then she relaxed and began talking.

I did all the basic conversation getting to know her. She was asking questions and actively contributing to the convo. We even had some accidental touching and she seemed okay with it. At one point I put my hand on her back to guide her along a street corner. We got to the bus stop. She then told me she was going to the airport now because she had already checked out but her flight was 5-6 hours later.

It was a perfect setup for an instant date. But unfortunately I had a really important call I had to take. I had just come out to do the approach in a small window of free time. So I did not go for it.

But we exchanged social media. Actually she gave it to me before I asked and said she might visit my city again in a few months. I gave her a hug and we parted ways.

So another day of beating the resistance and doing that all important approach to keep the momentum going.

 

[AspiringStoic]

12 August 2024

Super busy day. Was expecting to have at least an hour to go out. But could not find that much time. However, still went out to do the bare minimum of one approach.

The Approach

I never usually concern myself with IOIs or AIs before opening. In fact, I even prefer opening girls who have not seen me before I open at all. But today I was at the crosswalk and saw this girl who I felt was looking at me. But as soon as that thought entered my head, another thought popped up saying she must have been looking at something behind me.

But anyways I was like fuck it. Lets just approach. So waited till she crossed and then went in for the approach as she was walking. Delivered my direct opener. She stopped but gave a blank expressioned thank you. Then I cold read where she was from. I was close but did not get it right. She then told me where she was from and walked off abruptly. It was kind of funny but it did feel bad for a few seconds.

Then I was like fuck it. Did my approach for the day literally within 5 minutes of going out. That is today's victory and rushed to where I had to go to next. Hoping to do a bit more than the minimum tomorrow.

 

[AspiringStoic]

13 August 2024

Pheww. This is going to be a really hot week. Wanted to do more than the minimum today but was put off by the extreme heat. Technically its still a bit of an excuse as there are always malls. But even getting there during the day seemed like a task due to the extreme heat. I think this week as long as I do the bare minimum of 1 approach, I will be satisfied. Its going to cool down by Sunday, so after that I can think about doing more.

Anyways headed out almost when the sun was setting and was able to get one approach in.

The Approach
At the tram stop. Saw a girl. Not super cute but still good. I just did not want to make an excuse so went for it. Opened with my usual direct opener, complimented her tattoo to make it more specific.

She was friendly from the start. Her English was not the best but she was happy to chat. We made basic small talk, getting to know each other stuff. The tram arrived and I got in with her. On the tram as we were chatting she brushed her hair aside and I saw there was a ring on her finger.

I could not figure out if it was a wedding ring. Did not get a good enough look. We chatted some more and it was quite a flat conversation. I thought of exiting but again felt why should I presume anything, lets find out.

I went for the close. She told me she was indeed married and showed me her ring. We spoke for a while longer and I wished her a good day and got off at the next stop.

Again I felt great for keeping the momentum going. Now I have done an approach everyday for 5 consecutive days. Though it has been just 1 approach, it has been a direct approach with the intention of going for the close.

This is a big step for me. I was not able to "really go for it" like this even a couple of months ago. So massive progress. Once the summer moves into autumn I think it would be more conducive to going out. Hopefully I will be doing 4-5 approaches a day in another 2-3 months. For now, just need to keep the consistency up.

 

[AspiringStoic]

14 August 2024

Wow. Today was really difficult. Went out like yesterday in the evening after it got a bit cooler. But even before going out, I was feeling really anxious. The prospect of doing a full fledged direct approach seemed really daunting.

I then told myself that I would just go walk around for 30 mins. If I can do an approach in that time, its good. Or else its okay. I at least tried for 30 minutes. This calmed me down a bit and I went out.

The Approach

Even after going out. I walked around for around 15 mins thinking of approaching but still in my head. Finally saw a girl at the tram stop. Really cool tattoos. Went in and opened direct complimenting her tattoos and telling her I wanted to come over and speak to her.

She was quite receptive and we started conversing. But I was massively in my head. It was all very choppy. The tram came and we both got on. Continued the convo on there. As I had fought through a lot of anxiety today, I really wanted to go for the close no matter what. But it was a crowded tram and people all around us. I was feeling very anxious to go for the close with all of them in earshot.

At the next stop, she said she had to get off. All of a sudden I looked around and was like oh my stop as well. This is was soo not smooth I was cringing. But whatever, as soon as we got off I went for the close. She said no as she had a partner and then she smiled and said "But nice try!"

I almost laughed out loud. But I was like anyways I had to ask and then we both parted ways.

Pheww. As soon as I left the interaction I realized that maybe the girl thought. "Oh god. The guy had balls". And in my head I was like if only she knew the inner demons I had to fight to have this little interaction.

Most women will never know that feeling. But hey that's why we men are warriors right.

Anyways it was all worth it. Now I feel proud as punch. 6th day in a row!

 

[AspiringStoic]

I bailed on going out today. A bit miffed about it. But it was a really long day and I had to run a bunch of errands as I am going out of town for a small holiday over the weekend. So won't be approaching on Saturday and maybe even on Sunday. That is why I did not want to miss today.

But here is the thing. Technically, I do have a little time tomorrow before I leave town. I have this weird limiting belief about approaching girls earlier in the morning. I always only approach post 11 am or noon. I somehow feel it's wrong to be out approaching and have pussy on the mind that early in the day and girls would judge me for it.

It's not based on any field experience though. Just one of those stupid untested beliefs with no evidence to back it up. It has held me back before as well, because sometimes I see the most gorgeous girls who also take care of themselves coming back after their runs or workouts etc in the mornings but I still avoid approaching them. So since I did not go out today. I want to set myself this task for tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will go out in the morning and direct approach 3 girls or at least spend 1 hour infield trying to do so. If I do this, then I can enjoy my little holiday with a sense of having taken right action. Otherwise it would be nagging me all weekend that I did not go out today. Writing this here as it will keep me accountable. I will have to write a report tomorrow of what happened or admit that I did not live up to the task. And I would hate writing the latter so I think it will motivate me to go out. Looking forward to tomorrow.

 

[Higher]

sometimes I see the most gorgeous girls who also take care of themselves coming back after their runs or workouts etc in the mornings

Tomorrow I will go out in the morning and direct approach 3 girls or at least spend 1 hour infield trying to do so.

Good idea - will follow the example!