A Stoic Journey

[AspiringStoic]

Social Circles/Platonic Women Friends/Cold Approach/Abundance (Part 2)

Current Obstacle
So here is the current problem. With cold approach and generally the biggest change I am trying to bring about in my personality is to become more SEXUAL, BOLD, FLIRTATIOUS. Cold approach gives me the perfect opportunity to practice this. I open direct, I flirt, I ask girls out, I make sure they know I am interested in them sexually and not in a platonic way. I have even begun to get in some light kino and touching into my cold approach conversations lately. I am heading in the right direction.

But what is coming in the way now is exactly what was beneficial to me before. Now spending platonic time with an attractive girl works against me. It goes against what I am trying to do.

For example its really hard to be platonic and respectful and asexual with an attractive girl at 5pm when hanging out as friends and turn into a sexual guy with other attractive girls I am cold approaching at 6pm!!

I started a language course recently. There is one really attractive girl in it. I told myself that I would not spend one on one time with her and would just focus on the course which is very important to me. But 2 days ago, we did end up having coffee together 1 on 1 because we were hanging out in a group and the others left. During that time, I was not able to hold back and I started flirting with her, I also got in some touching by telling her I would show her self defense moves and then teasing her about her technique etc. This was a bad move. Because now I am again starting to think about how I could take it forward with her instead of FOCUSING ON THE DAMNED COURSE! I want nothing else on my brain when I go to class except learning the language!! Even if she is interested I do not want to do anything with her. Because I am going there to learn and all I want to do is that without distractions!

This is exactly why I started cold approach. To be able to separate my life into compartments. To do all the flirting and seducing and dating separately and not fuck up other aspects of my life.

Not HAVING PLATONIC WOMEN FRIENDS
For me now I think, its going to be a problem and distraction to make platonic women friends. Apart from the ones I already have and whom I hang out with in mixed groups, I do not want to keep meeting any women platonically especially not 1 on 1. Till I become that sexual guy and reach that abundance, I will always get needy if I hang out as friends with attractive women.

I will either try flirting or fuck something up in areas that matter to me (like my language class) or I will be trying to hold back the very instincts that I am trying to develop. Which is flirting, sexualizing, escalating etc.

So here, I am going to make a pact with myself. From now on, if I spend 1 on 1 time with an attractive woman it will only be on a date/romantic context. No getting the cheap hit of female company under the garb of being friends.

 

[AspiringStoic]

10 September 2024

Back again infield after almost a week. This time it was not laziness on my part but I fell ill. But there are still some tweaks I want to make to my approaching schedule. First the report.

Went out and started my stopwatch. Did not set a timer for any particular time. I said to myself I should be out for a minimum of 15 minutes or till I do 1 direct approach at least and then its upto me if I want to do more.

Approach 1
Within 2 mins of starting the time, jumped into the first approach. Girl at tram stop. Opened direct with a compliment. She did not understand English. I again repeated it slowly. She kind of understood it but not really. So I just wished her a good day and exited.

Felt great that I literally completed my basic goal for the day in 2 minutes.

Approach 2
MILF. Looked like she had a ring on her finger. But I was like fuck it, its all practice what does it matter. Went in and gave her a compliment that she looked really nice in the blue top. She thanked me but in a way that was closed off to kind of make sure to not show that she was open to a convo. I still continued and did a cold read, she told me she is local and then again thanked me. I did not want to continue to plough so wished her a good evening and exited.

Approach 3
Cute girl. Walking quite fast. Caught up to her and stopped her and delivered my direct compliment. She was happy and we had a basic conversation for a couple of minutes. But felt like she was trying to leave. I asked if she was in a hurry. She said she was trying to get some groceries before the store closed. I still went for the close. But she said no, as she was not looking to date now. Then we parted ways.

I looked at the stopwatch after this and it was 20 minutes. This was great. I had done 3 in 20 minutes. Now for the key takeaway.

Consistency over longer sessions
Last week before I got sick I did 2 sessions of approaching. 5 approaches each so a total of 10. I feel at the moment for me approaching more number of days in the week is more beneficial than doing more on some days.

Rather than doing 5 approaches 3 times a week = 15 approaches/week,
I would rather do 1-2 approaches everyday = 7-14 approaches/week

Doing that first approach is the hardest. And shifting my mood from whatever it is like, to being able to do cold approach is an essential skill. It builds emotional mastery and discipline.

So for this week, I will make this goal.
I will go out everyday and start my stopwatch and spend a minimum of 15 minutes trying to approach. I can call it a day once I do the first direct approach or after trying for 15 minutes.

Hopefully this will build that momentum that I desire. I just need to be able to swallow my pride and report it here if I go out on one of the days and come back without doing a direct approach after 15 minutes.

 

[AspiringStoic]

11 September, 2024

Seems like I have not recovered fully. I was feeling a bit under the weather again today. But took a nap after work and then headed out to do my minimum 15 minutes infield or 1 direct approach.

Approach 1
Went in to the first approach within 2-3 minutes of starting my stopwatch. Cute girl in flowery top at the tram stop. Opened with a compliment and she liked it. Settled into a convo. Basic chat. Got on the tram with her. Was just warming up. But it was going well and I was contemplating going for the close. However, she had to get off at the next stop and I was not that quick, froze for a second and then just said bye and stayed on the tram.

Approach 2
Another girl at the tram stop. Again open direct. Cold read nationality. Got into a conversation. Some teasing. She was very young, responding well but not too much coming from her side. I went for the close just to practise making the ask. She said no and her friend arrived and she left.

After this I checked my phone. Had been out for 30 minutes. Decided to call it a day. It was dark but I was happy I did both the approaches in the dark. Summer is over, it is going to get dark sooner and sooner so just have to get used to doing daygame after sundown. But most importantly completed the objective which was to go out for at least 15 minutes. Hoping to keep up the consistency.

 

[gameboy]

Seems like I have not recovered fully. I was feeling a bit under the weather again today.

Same here, I was feeling a bit sick recently as well. As soon as the temperature dropped I must have caught something.

Kudos for still going out and doing approaches!

 

[AspiringStoic]

Same here, I was feeling a bit sick recently as well. As soon as the temperature dropped I must have caught something.

Kudos for still going out and doing approaches!

Yeah I was waiting for the weather to cool down and then it became suddenly quite cold But should be good in a couple of weeks. Autumn and winter is way better for daygame than summer. I would any day prefer bundling up 3 layers and going out to do daygame rather than sweating profusely within 2 minutes of getting out of the house.

 

[AspiringStoic]

12 September 2024

Unfortunately, I thought I had recovered but seems like I am again beginning to get some flu symptoms. But today I had to go out to get groceries and I was adamant to do my 15 minutes infield even if I did not open anyone. So went out in the middle of the day and started my stopwatch. Then in about 5 minutes ended up opening a girl which was to be the only approach of the day.

Approach
Cute but nerdy looking girl came out of a shop as I was walking. I opened direct with a compliment and she was very shy but pleased. We spoke for a bit and she was telling me about the shop she just came out of. She had bought tickets to some kind of gaming event. She indeed was a real nerd. However, conversation was not very flowy so I did not feel like going for the number. So when after a while she told me she had to leave, I just wished her a good day and left.

As unimpressive as today was, I think this is where the growth lies. I went out and kept up the consistency today though I was feeling really bad. My brain put up all sorts of resistance to approaching but I tricked it by saying all I needed to do was to get there and walk around for 15 minutes before going to the grocery store.

Once I was there, the same brain started saying, ah you are here might as well do it. Fascinating how the brain works and learning how to hack our own thinking. Was out just for 10 minutes, did one direct approach and then got the groceries and got back home. I hope I do not fall ill in the coming days. Lets see.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Goodbye Skilled Seducer Forums (In a way)

I have been doing a kind of review this week of my goals and my progress in achieving these goals over the last 3 months. I have made a lot of progress in my cold approach related goals since June when I regularly started posting on this forum. A lot of it has to do with the accountability and encouragement I found on this forum.

However, I had been working on cold approach since the end of last year and been maintaining my own personal journal offline where I could write in more detail and did not have to bother about remaining anonymous. In this period, I made great progress as well and also my Internet use and screentime was very low.

I had already eliminated a lot of social media and even YT from my life as I was battling a porn addiction as well. But now some of these things have changed.

I see that this forum has become a main source of dopamine hits for me. I am using this in the same way as people use Twitter or other social media. I am constantly checking for new posts and interesting topics.

I feel compelled to jump in and give my two cents on many threads. Many a times I try to tell myself to refrain from doing this and just focus on my own journey but its hard to do that if I am constantly reading this forum.

This is a great place for pickup and seduction. I really love seeing and following some of the guys who like me are constantly going out infield and reporting back about their experiences. But I also see that a lot of posts on this forum are by guys who rarely go out and who are discussing random hypothetical and theoritical siutations and arguing about different content creators in the space etc.

Being on this forum a lot everyday, I also get sucked in to reading a lot of these threads which don't really help me in anyway at all. Bottom line is I feel this forum has become or is on the path of becoming my (social media) addiction.

I really do not want to be spending this much amount of time on the Internet. As far as my pickup journey goes, I have realized its very simple.

The 80/20 rule applies. Mastering 20 percent of the basics of pickup will get me 80 percent of my results. Then when I am there, I can worry about the advanced concepts and fine tuning my game to learn that last 20 percent.

Among the 20 percent of the basics are:
Overcoming AA.
Being able to show intent.
Remaining calm in set and having a basic conversation in a cool chilled out manner.
Going for the close.
Asking the girl out.
Again being sexual and escalating on the date.

On these basics, I have already pretty much read everything I need to read. I just need to put it to practise. Lots and lost of practise.

I don't know about others, but I feel that the VOLUME and taking massive action aspect of cold approach is not given enough importance these days. All the OGs of pickup emphasized taking massive action. All the guys I know personally who are really good have gotten there by doing hundreds or more accurately thousands of approaches.

For me now, I need to focus on volume and really drilling these basics. Discussing and reading further articles is of no help to me at this point.

So due to all these reasons, I am going to not be logging in to this forum everyday. I want to either take action and be infield or working on other areas of my life offline. I will from now on pop in only once a week or so and update my journal and summarize the important bits of my exploits infield.

 

[gameboy]

I want to either take action and be infield or working on other areas of my life offline.

That makes complete sense to me. I should also work more on my offline life. The online world (matrix) is way too addictive.

I will from now on pop in only once a week or so and update my journal and summarize the important bits of my exploits infield.

Ok so you're sticking around, glad to read that! I've really grown fond of reading your experiences, and also your encouragement and pointers

 

[AspiringStoic]

This week so far

16th September
1 approach: Nice convo but did not go for the number as she suddenly got off the metro.

17th September
5 approaches: 1 blowout. 2 awkward convos. 1 nice reaction but no further convo. 1 really good interaction and number from a girl who is a national chess player for her country visiting my city for a chess tournament.

Takeaways
- Really need to increase the volume as well as the frequency of my approaching.
- Every approach is separate and an individual entity. Just because your last 4 approaches have not gone well does not mean that your next one will not go well.
- Being able to open any girl you like the look of is the first step to abundance. When you can open many cute girls every day your brain starts to feel that talking to pretty girls is a normal thing for you and places less importance and pressure on each individual interaction.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Actually I feel writing here after a session gives me a sense of reward. So will continue to do so.

20 September 2024

Had a session today. Just around 35 minutes. Wanted to do more but something came up.

However I managed to do 4 direct approaches.

Approach 1: Compliment but just a warmup did not continue.

Approach 2: Hot, taller girl, compliment, basic convo, went for close, she had a bf.

Approach 3: Had a nice convo, she seemed interested but when I went for the close she hesitated. I persisted but she said she would pass. I was like okay no problem.

Approach 4: Girl sitting on bench, opened confidently, but flat convo, went for the close, she said no she was taking a break from dating.

Takeaways
- Great that I got the first approach out of the way quickly.

- Great job that I approached 4 girls in 30 minutes.

- I am still working on opening more. My goal is simple I want to be able to say this line to 10 girls everyday "Hey I just saw you and I thought you looked cute/pretty/nice/stylish so I wanted to come say hi"

What happens after that, I am not too bothered about at the moment. I want to be able to easily say this to 10 girls a day or 50/week without too much anxiety. That is my goal for the rest of the year.

 

[AspiringStoic]

An Exercise to overcome Approach Anxiety

Was just talking to a guy I know from my city. This is one of the guys I have personally seen who is great at daygame. To me its all the more remarkable because he is absolutely nothing remarkable to look at.

Just a typical average guy who has gotten himself a remarkable dating life through cold approach.

I was just updating him about my progress recently. I showed him some of my field reports (more detailed ones I keep in my offline journal). When I told him that still my main goal is to overcome AA and be able to open more girls and really up the volume, he gave me a great idea.

He looked at my field reports and said I was focusing on too many unnecessary details and that if my main goal is to overcome AA my field reports should only mainly hone in on that.

He suggested an exercise which really resonated with me and I want to do it.

So here is the exercise:

Step 1: Go over and open direct with the usual "Hey I saw you and I wanted to say you look really pretty/stylish/nice etc"

Step 2: Just find out 1 thing about her. Either her nationality, profession or what she is doing now.

Thats it! After doing this, job is done. If you want you can stay longer and talk more and ask her out etc. But the exercise is to just do the 2 steps.

And he said my field reports should just reflect only the info from those two steps.

Example: Approach 1- German
Approach 2 - Spanish
Approach 3 - Psychology student

In this way I will be keeping my eye on the ball and not get distracted or discouraged by other details that are not important at this stage.

I love this idea and the simplicity. It also can easily be reframed as a data collection exercise which further reduces pressure.

He told me in his 1st year of daygame, he just did this and kept a journal with only these details for 1000 approaches.

By the end he had obliterated his AA and also gone on quite a few dates and gotten laid 5 times without even really aiming for those things.

I feel that for me this is a great exercise to do at this stage. And I am excited to do this. I will start from tomorrow.

But I am going to also write my field report from earlier today in this format. So here goes:

20 September 2024
Approach 1: Local girl
Approach 2: Local, Uni student
Approach 3: Mexican
Approach 4: Works in postal services

 

[AspiringStoic]

20 September 2024

Beating myself up a bit. It was a Saturday I should have done a minimum of 1 hour of approaching. But I spent time lazing around the apartment. Ended up doing only 30 mins infield. But did 3 direct approaches with good length interactions. But as I said yesterday I am only going to be recording this info:

Approach 1: Local, Psychology student

Approach 2: Mongolian, University Student
Approach 3: 2 set, Germans

Takeways
Build more discipline, better time management, go out for longer and triple my approaches.

 

[AspiringStoic]

23 September 2024
Went out after sundown. Was out for 45 minutes. Did 5 direct opens. Most of them were short interactions but had two really good ones. One with a really attractive Turkish girl.

But as the goal is still overcoming AA I am using the simple format to record my FRs.

Approach 1: Local
Approach 2: Local
Approach 3: Local, Uni student
Approach 4: Turkish, Studies psychiatry
Approach 5: Local, Economics student

Takeaways
This mindset of just opening direct and trying to find out 1 thing about her helped a lot to reduce AA.

Resistance was way lower as I had no pressure to ensure that I had a long conversation with each girl.

But it still lead to me having long conversations when the girls seemed interested and also going for the number.

So all in all this seems like a good mindset/exercise for me.

I had thought that after a 1000 approaches I would have learned to deal with my AA to a large extent. It seems like I am on course to do that.
This year I have done around 600 opens so far. If I close out the year with another 400 that would be great. I am already way way better at dealing with AA compared to January of this year. Hoping to close the year strong.

 

[AspiringStoic]

24 September 2024

An amazing session today. 10 approaches. But also I have had some revelations about this cold approach journey. I have been learning a new langauge now for a few weeks and I can see some obvious parallels and also some obvious mistakes that I and people who get on this cold approach journey make. I want to just flesh these thoughts of mine out in today's post. But first the brief FR format I have been following:

Approach 1: Local
Approach 2: Local
Approach 3: Local
Approach 4: Korean, Teacher
Approach 5: Local, Works in HR
Approach 6: Romanian, Nurse
Approach 7: No English
Approach 8: Local
Approach 9: Local
Approach 10: Brazilian tourist


Takeaways

Cold Approach and Language Learning
As I said, I have been learning a new language intensively now for a few weeks. As I am doing that I started to see the parallels between language learning and cold approach. Languages usually have levels like A1, A2, B1, B2, C1 and C2. As I am learning the language I see how one thing builds on the other, you learn the alphabet, the basic grammar structure, the present, past and future tenses and the possessive form etc. You need to get the fundamentals in place one by one and you need to practice and drill them till you internalize them. As you begin to do that you see that you can start having mini conversations and being able to understand dialogues etc. You need LOTS AND LOTS OF PRACTICE. You are literally buidling new NEURAL PATHWAYS in your brain.

Cold approach and becoming good with women is similar. We are literally transforming our personalities and building new neural pathways. In a language you cannot just go to class and learn for a few weeks and then complain that it does not work as you are not still able to have full fledged conversations. That is ridiculous. Same way you cannot just practise for 10 minutes a day and then get frustrated that you are not making any progress.

But somehow when it comes to cold approach we have this mentality. There are so many people who start threads everyday about how cold approach does not work etc after trying it for a few weeks or days. If someone tried to learn a language for a few weeks and then said LEARNING X or Y LANGUAGE DOES NOT WORK!! People would likely conclude that they are crazy. It's not that learning the language does not work, it is that you are not learning it properly or for long enough!

In the same way that a language has levels, cold approach has levels too. Roughly as I see it, the levels can be summarized as follows:

A1: Opening, overcoming AA and going out and approaching 3-4 days a week minimum for a few months at least.
A2: Being able to be calm and have basic conversations with these girls you open and ask for the number.
B1: Being able to apply basic techniques like teasing, qualifying and spiking the girls emotions.
B2: Being able to consistently get dates and get laid from cold approach and build up a rotation or get GFs.
C1 and C2: Everything else beyond this that most guys would probably not even bother with. Reaching mastery basically.

And just like you cannot skip practicing the grammar, the alphabet, improving your vocabulary etc and expect to be having fluent conversations in a new language, we cannot really expect to NOT put in the volume of approaches, practicing the basics of approaching and putting the reps in and expect to get sex or a GF etc from cold approach.

I mean we might get lucky and have it happen once or twice just as you might get lucky and get some advanced sentences right in a language. But it does not mean that you know the language and it does not mean that you have become proficient at cold approach.

I want this post to be a reminder to myself. If I ever get down about my pickup journey, I just need to compare it to the language learning model and see if I am REALLY PUTTING IN THE WORK. Just as I need to immerse myself in a langauge to learn it, I need to ADOPT A LIFESTYLE OF MASS APPROACHING AND IMMERSION to learn this amazing skill of cold approach.

 

[AspiringStoic]

27 September 2024

Another great day for me. Lot of personal breakthroughs. Firstly relating to going out. Wanted to do it first in the morning, weaseld out, then in the afternoon and again fell for the excuses in my head.

Took a nap in the evening. And then finally decided fuck it will go out and walk around if nothing. Ended up doing 10 approaches.

Approach 1 Local
Approach 2 Local
Approach 3 Local
Approach 4 Locals 2 set
Approach 5 Dutch, Physical Therapist
Approach 6 Local
Approach 7 Local
Approach 8 South African
Approach 9 Local
Approach 10 No English

Takeaways
- You just have to go out. Don't listen to your feelings. You never regret going out and approaching.

- How you feel in the first 3 interactions don't matter. Inevitably, you will warm up and have things go smoother.

- Doing 5+ approaches is really important in a session. Momentum is such an important factor. Only when you do more than 5 in a session do you get to experience how approaching feels like when you are fully "warmed up".

 

[AspiringStoic]

Okay. An update as I have been away for a while.

29 September: 10 approaches
1 October: 2 approaches
2 October: 4 approaches
3 October: 1 approach
4 October: 1 approach
5 October: 1 approach
6 October: 10 approaches

So it was a good week in terms of consistency but not so good in terms of volume of approaches. I really feel that for me, I need to make approaching second nature. Need to learn to emotionally deal with anxiety, awkwardness, tension, rejection etc. So many things to get used to on an emotional level. I see that I am still so reactive to women. In the sense that, their REACTIONS AND RESPONSES have such a hold over my emotional state and my perception of my self worth.

In many ways, I feel I am an EMOTIONAL SLAVE TO THE REACTIONS, RESPONSES, APPROVAL AND DISAPPROVAL OF WOMEN! They have such power over my mood and emotional state. Of course, its not their fault. Its my shit that I need to get over. That is one aspect of the journey to becoming amazing with women. No woman wants a guy who she can emotionally dominate. She wants a man who is centered firmly in his reality and who will not doubt himself based on what she or some girl thinks of him.

That is the kind of guy I aspire to become. I need to break free of these chains and earn that freedom where girls and their approval have no power over me. Of course one cannot achieve this a 100 percent. But I need to head massively in that direction and cold approach is the best path to get there.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Another update.

7 October: 1 approach
8 October: 1 approach
9 October: 2 approaches
13 October: 1 approach

Today: 5 approaches (1 number)

Last week was not good in terms of approaching. Let many other priorities get in the way of going out infield. Looking to get back to it properly and have a way better week. Started the week off today with 5 solid approaches. Looking to keep up the good work.

 

[AspiringStoic]

This was a great week.

21 full on direct approaches.

In most of them, I even attempted to close by asking them out for a drink. Got 4 numbers as well.

So here is the breakdown:
14 Oct: 5 approaches
15 Oct: 5 approaches
16 Oct: 1 approach
17 Oct: 4 approaches
18 Oct: 4 approaches
19 Oct: 1 approach
20 Oct: 1 approach

I am really happy that I did not skip a single day. Approached on all the days of the week.

The goals for next week:
- Go out infield every day
- Try and beat this week's number and get at least 22 full fledged direct approaches under my belt.

I always look back to a year ago to guage my growth. Its been really remarkable. I started approaching last October but I could not handle it and had to stop.

Then I restarted in December and have been doing it continuously without any long gaps. So a year ago I was not even doing this. And now I am able to do genuine direct approaches and go for the number as well.

That is remarkable for me. Lets see what stage I can reach by the end of December which would mark my 1 year anniversary. I still have 2 months where I can grow further.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Last week (21-27 October) was amazing. My best week so far.

Did 30 direct cold approaches.

Approached some really hot girls that would have previously intimidated me.

I am starting to realize how there is so much growth in this journey. Apart from the actual skillset there is so much to master like discipline and sticking to a schedule, going out and not making excuses, being able to detach from the randomness that is involved and keeping the long term goal in mind when things are not going your way etc.

I spent many years concentrating on "self improvement" and used it as an excuse to not be approaching. I now realize that while other forms of self improvement are great, its not close to as hard as mastering cold approach.

When you go to the gym, improve your fashion, socialize etc, you don't face the stuff you face when you are cold approaching.

The barbell will never suddenly ignore you or act dismissevely or look at you weirdly, ghost or flake on you, reject you etc. Buying new clothes and upgrading your fashion will also not involve you facing these kinds of situations and the emotions that go with them.

Cold approach is an entirely different beast. It tests your discipline, your emotional state control, your frame control, your resilience and so many other things. That is why I have seen more growth in myself doing this than any other activity.

I want to really master this skillset. So my goal for this week is to keep up the good work and try to do better than my last week's exploits.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

I spent many years concentrating on "self improvement" and used it as an excuse to not be approaching. I now realize that while other forms of self improvement are great, its not close to as hard as mastering cold approach.

When you go to the gym, improve your fashion, socialize etc, you don't face the stuff you face when you are cold approaching.

The barbell will never suddenly ignore you or act dismissevely or look at you weirdly, ghost or flake on you, reject you etc. Buying new clothes and upgrading your fashion will also not involve you facing these kinds of situations and the emotions that go with them.

Totally agree! I think that improving interpersonal in any field (cold calling, making friends, approaching girls) is challenging because theres always that x factor of people.

When you go through your 30th call of the day with no sales and the guy on the phone says he hates your product and the company scammed his savings away, its not easy to make another call with a real smile on your face. Its even harder if your new and don't have alot of results.

When you make faus paux after faus paux trying to make friends for the first time, its just not a great time.


Typing on a keyboard is easy. Writing in a journal is easy. Going to the gym is easy. For some people, its really hard starting out. But anything interpersonal is twice as hard for other, because again, theres the x factor of people.

Your progress so far is great to see. Your approaching more and consistently more. The next step I would personally take is to start turning those approaches into dates, or at least phone numbers that will turn into dates.

As for how I do that, my process is taken from the last days of the newbie assignment strung together. Its all I know right know.

1. First I stand or sit down next to the girl, ideally close so she can hear me and I can bridge the proximity barrier. I lost most of the girls just by trying to approach to far away.

2. Then I open with “how’s you day going?” or “watcha working on?”, depending on whether their working on something or not

3. After responding, I tell them I think they’re cute and I want to say hi, with a smile on my face near the end of the sentence.

3. Then I introduce myself with "Im [name]" and reach my hand out to shake hands.

4. Then I either small talk or banter first, then weave in a little more banter. If she looked busy, I say "you looked so engrossed I practically had to drag you out of your boring day" or whatever variation of that feels comfortable coming out of my mouth. If not, I'll comment on her clothes and say its a little to early for x scarf or y hat, maybe you know something I don't. Honestly, I love to just add "maybe you know something I don't" to any tease regarding a choice she made. I also use a playful tone.

5. Lastly, I tell her I would love to grab a bite with the her sometime, and ask if she’d like that. I usually ask if I think the conversation is gonna die, or shes into it and asking me quesitons about myself or just talking more in general. When she says yes, I say I'll text her or wait for her to ask for my number. If she asks for my social, f that. I say I don't have any but i can text her. When she starts putting the phone number in, I resume the conversation or ask another question, to make the number grab nonchalent. That way she doesn't remeber you grabbing her number and leaving, but how attracted she was to you. And if everything works, she will definitly be into you.