Can someone please give a different perspective on being assertive and being non-reactive with a girl?

[Regal Tiger]

edit: I didn't read the entire thread and it looks like the answer came out already. I just responded to the original post. Wasn't wrong, buuuut a bit late lmao

You can ignore my post, my bad

 

[StrayDog]

The answer is not to abandon but change strategies

@Shawn
@Skills is right here. There are tons of ways you can pivot strategies, and if you are really feeling like you need to catch your breath you can find ways to work those strategies into your life routines as you focus a bit on other elements of your life. But just putting it down can make it feel even more frustrating when you come back to it because you will have the reminder of your failures still fresh, plus you will be rusty because you have not maintained it at all. Realign, try new things. Work it into your life in a way that makes sense. You can even find ways to develop other parts of your life AND meeting women as at the same time. For example, say you like rock climbing. Well use that intertest as a way to develop social circle game and start a climbing group. Invite cool women to join. Or maybe your fashion sense needs refining. Put your energy there instead. It is still a crucial aspect of game but not so immediately women focused. If you are burned out on sarging all the time with cold approach, work it into your everyday life rather than focusing so much on it at the moment. Like still approach when you are buying groceries or on the train, but maybe for now don't go out of your way to do cold approach. You can come back to that aspect of game later, but for now focus on other aspects.

Change your strategies when dealing directly with women as well. A lot of time just a simple tweak in our game can bring new results and new energy. Write down all the things you think are not working or need to be developed and then write a tonic or solution you can see to that problem. List different approaches you can take that can give you new reference points. For example
-Conversations aren't man to women enough- For one week focus on showing more intent when approaching
and so on. I can't really tell you the best route to take here but no doubt you already can come up with some answers and strategies yourself. Adjust the way you approach, the way you text, and so on.

Do it for the love of the game. Yes it is important to aim for results, but when you view each failed attempt as a new set of reference points to learn from you can just be stoked that you are doing it and learning. Do out with a curious mindset and just have fun with it. Recognize that even just making the approach is a little victory and now you have more and more experience. Most guys don't even have to balls to approach, dude. that alone makes you a boss. If you spend the day sarging make it an adventure and work other downtime things into the day to keep it fresh. Like hang out by the river or something when you need a breather and write in your note book

 

[Calibration]

leave on read meaning Instagram?

Whatsapp

@Shawn
@Skills is right here. There are tons of ways you can pivot strategies, and if you are really feeling like you need to catch your breath you can find ways to work those strategies into your life routines as you focus a bit on other elements of your life. But just putting it down can make it feel even more frustrating when you come back to it because you will have the reminder of your failures still fresh, plus you will be rusty because you have not maintained it at all. Realign, try new things. Work it into your life in a way that makes sense. You can even find ways to develop other parts of your life AND meeting women as at the same time. For example, say you like rock climbing. Well use that intertest as a way to develop social circle game and start a climbing group. Invite cool women to join. Or maybe your fashion sense needs refining. Put your energy there instead. It is still a crucial aspect of game but not so immediately women focused. If you are burned out on sarging all the time with cold approach, work it into your everyday life rather than focusing so much on it at the moment. Like still approach when you are buying groceries or on the train, but maybe for now don't go out of your way to do cold approach. You can come back to that aspect of game later, but for now focus on other aspects.

I did social circle in 2020 and its a big minefield there. For one average girl, there are 20 guys who give shit-load of attention and its exhausting to give someone attention who I'm not even attracted to and that comes across as rude/weird if I don't fit-in like all the other 20 guys

Change your strategies when dealing directly with women as well. A lot of time just a simple tweak in our game can bring new results and new energy. Write down all the things you think are not working or need to be developed and then write a tonic or solution you can see to that problem. List different approaches you can take that can give you new reference points. For example
-Conversations aren't man to women enough- For one week focus on showing more intent when approaching
and so on. I can't really tell you the best route to take here but no doubt you already can come up with some answers and strategies yourself

About making conversations Man to Woman, I always go direct and not with the cookie-cutter openers but with customised openers specific to the girl and it works most of the time.

Do it for the love of the game. Yes it is important to aim for results, but when you view each failed attempt as a new set of reference points to learn from you can just be stoked that you are doing it and learning. Do out with a curious mindset and just have fun with it. Recognize that even just making the approach is a little victory and now you have more and more experience. Most guys don't even have to balls to approach, dude. that alone makes you a boss. If you spend the day sarging make it an adventure and work other downtime things into the day to keep it fresh. Like hang out by the river or something when you need a breather and write in your note book

After covid hit, I'm in a very bad place in pickup. I used to do better before but since covid, I'm rusted & haven't got laid in months now.
How can I not be needy when I'm needy? I'm not saying this in a negative way.. but as a matter of fact!

I fuck it up at one point or the other.. In the past month, I have lost 4 girls who I thought were in my bag. I try to act cool and she sees that as aloof or disinterested and If I'm interested, she sees that as needy. Its worse over text since I cant calibrate to what she might be thinking. A polite text would come across as needy, a flirty text may come across as creepy and to-the-point text to get her out may come across as needy again that I'm just interested to get her out and fuck her and not interested to have a conversation etc....and timing is another big problem:
If I text her quickly, it comes across as needy and if I text her taking time, it comes across as aloof or playing her and she goes on auto-rejection

In-person, once the girl is hooked, I do well and have little problem but once both of us are invested, I get needy AF and I just cant stop myself from being needy, although I'm aware of that. Also, I'm being needy once I get on the phone, I get really anxious not to fuck it up and I DO fuck it up every single time. Its not the content of the text but my texts are filled with anxiety. Yesterday I read about texting anxiety and dopamine, its exactly that problem I have. I wrote on another post, I'm in a catch-22 situation - unless I get laid, I cant get rid of neediness and unless I get rid of neediness, I cant get laid

 

[StrayDog]

Whatsapp

I did social circle in 2020 and its a big minefield there. For one average girl, there are 20 guys who give shit-load of attention and its exhausting to give someone attention who I'm not even attracted to and that comes across as rude/weird if I don't fit-in like all the other 20 guys

About making conversations Man to Woman, I always go direct and not with the cookie-cutter openers but with customised openers specific to the girl and it works most of the time.

After covid hit, I'm in a very bad place in pickup. I used to do better before but since covid, I'm rusted & haven't got laid in months now.
How can I not be needy when I'm needy? I'm not saying this in a negative way.. but as a matter of fact!

I fuck it up at one point or the other.. In the past month, I have lost 4 girls who I thought were in my bag. I try to act cool and she sees that as aloof or disinterested and If I'm interested, she sees that as needy. Its worse over text since I cant calibrate to what she might be thinking. A polite text would come across as needy, a flirty text may come across as creepy and to-the-point text to get her out may come across as needy again that I'm just interested to get her out and fuck her and not interested to have a conversation etc....and timing is another big problem:
If I text her quickly, it comes across as needy and if I text her taking time, it comes across as aloof or playing her and she goes on auto-rejection

In-person, once the girl is hooked, I do well and have little problem but once both of us are invested, I get needy AF and I just cant stop myself from being needy, although I'm aware of that. Also, I'm being needy once I get on the phone, I get really anxious not to fuck it up and I DO fuck it up every single time. Its not the content of the text but my texts are filled with anxiety. Yesterday I read about texting anxiety and dopamine, its exactly that problem I have. I wrote on another post, I'm in a catch-22 situation - unless I get laid, I cant get rid of neediness and unless I get rid of neediness, I cant get laid

Dude, I am just coming out of somewhat of a dry spell recently as well. Covid has no doubt been a huge curve ball. All I can say is that the tables will turn. I think all of us here have at one point or another experienced that catch-22. The only way I have found to get over it is to overcome. To devlope new mindsets and strategies. From you said about your social circle experience I can see you already have one solid data point to go on. There are ways to get more. Maybe social circle isn't your field. It's definitely at the bottom for me. But there are always new ways to work a situation. If there is a list of dudes lined up for each girl waiting you have to ask yourself how you can get those girls to break the rules for you (that being said, yes social circle is long game). Like being the guy who adds a unique value to the group no one else does, is mysterious, exhudes sexuality but is never chasing and is seemingly unattainable ("but wait, maybe I can have him..."she says) The point isn't social circle though the point is there are always new perspectives. If you're going direct and not getting results, focus on your indirect game. If day game is wearing thin, switch to nightgame. Focus on your voice in front of the mirror. Your ability to tell a compelling story. Your walk. Your presence. These are all things that can change your game immensely and you can just do them at home. Once they feel solid, take them infield and get new refence points. Something that helped me feel less desperate to get laid funny enough was going no fap for a month and half (I know, counter intuitive). My presence increased ten fold and pretty soon after I broke the dry spell. and yes being in a rut sucks, but it will come around. And that's just my two cents

 

[Skills]

Whatsapp

I did social circle in 2020 and its a big minefield there. For one average girl, there are 20 guys who give shit-load of attention and its exhausting to give someone attention who I'm not even attracted to and that comes across as rude/weird if I don't fit-in like all the other 20 guys

About making conversations Man to Woman, I always go direct and not with the cookie-cutter openers but with customised openers specific to the girl and it works most of the time.

After covid hit, I'm in a very bad place in pickup. I used to do better before but since covid, I'm rusted & haven't got laid in months now.
How can I not be needy when I'm needy? I'm not saying this in a negative way.. but as a matter of fact!

I fuck it up at one point or the other.. In the past month, I have lost 4 girls who I thought were in my bag. I try to act cool and she sees that as aloof or disinterested and If I'm interested, she sees that as needy. Its worse over text since I cant calibrate to what she might be thinking. A polite text would come across as needy, a flirty text may come across as creepy and to-the-point text to get her out may come across as needy again that I'm just interested to get her out and fuck her and not interested to have a conversation etc....and timing is another big problem:
If I text her quickly, it comes across as needy and if I text her taking time, it comes across as aloof or playing her and she goes on auto-rejection

In-person, once the girl is hooked, I do well and have little problem but once both of us are invested, I get needy AF and I just cant stop myself from being needy, although I'm aware of that. Also, I'm being needy once I get on the phone, I get really anxious not to fuck it up and I DO fuck it up every single time. Its not the content of the text but my texts are filled with anxiety. Yesterday I read about texting anxiety and dopamine, its exactly that problem I have. I wrote on another post, I'm in a catch-22 situation - unless I get laid, I cant get rid of neediness and unless I get rid of neediness, I cant get laid

Yeah this is a current phenomenon seducers are comparing themselves to pre covid.... Post covid as of now, is a lot harder, more grinding, lets room for error....

Change form Wassup to google voice so that way the read not read dynamic does not triggers you.... I would also suggest go into my archives, and read all those posts i made on texting, field test them.....

 

[Calibration]

Dude, I am just coming out of somewhat of a dry spell recently as well. Covid has no doubt been a huge curve ball. All I can say is that the tables will turn. I think all of us here have at one point or another experienced that catch-22. The only way I have found to get over it is to overcome. To devlope new mindsets and strategies. From you said about your social circle experience I can see you already have one solid data point to go on. There are ways to get more. Maybe social circle isn't your field. It's definitely at the bottom for me. But there are always new ways to work a situation. If there is a list of dudes lined up for each girl waiting you have to ask yourself how you can get those girls to break the rules for you (that being said, yes social circle is long game). Like being the guy who adds a unique value to the group no one else does, is mysterious, exhudes sexuality but is never chasing and is seemingly unattainable ("but wait, maybe I can have him..."she says) The point isn't social circle though the point is there are always new perspectives. If you're going direct and not getting results, focus on your indirect game. If day game is wearing thin, switch to nightgame. Focus on your voice in front of the mirror. Your ability to tell a compelling story. Your walk. Your presence. These are all things that can change your game immensely and you can just do them at home. Once they feel solid, take them infield and get new refence points. Something that helped me feel less desperate to get laid funny enough was going no fap for a month and half (I know, counter intuitive). My presence increased ten fold and pretty soon after I broke the dry spell. and yes being in a rut sucks, but it will come around. And that's just my two cents

I see what you're saying but when I'm in a terrible head space, its so hard to think creatively, strategically and out-of-the-box.

I have made a lot of changes to my looks in the past year - I revamped my wardrobe, I'm hitting the gym regularly, grown long hair, pay more attention to my walk and talk and those things have definitely helped. I'm much better in my fundamentals now compared to a couple of years ago but...

lets room for error....

this..., there is very little room for error these days. Girls have become brutal in filtering out. Sometimes, I feel I'm being monitored with every thing I say and do. I have fucked it up many times in the past and was still able to lay but not anymore.. I'm not someone who complains and was always a very positive person among my friends but these days I feel its getting to me

 

[StrayDog]

I fuck it up at one point or the other.. In the past month, I have lost 4 girls who I thought were in my bag. I try to act cool and she sees that as aloof or disinterested and If I'm interested, she sees that as needy.

This is a tricky balance. The key is how and when you show interest.

How & When to Reward a Woman

Rewarding good behavior during courtships and relationships is pivotal to your romantic success. But just how do you go about doing that? On my article about teasing a girl to her friends, a reader named Warcode asks: Hi chase could you do an article on ways to generally reward her? Whether...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Calibration]

This is a tricky balance. The key is how and when you show interest.

How & When to Reward a Woman

Rewarding good behavior during courtships and relationships is pivotal to your romantic success. But just how do you go about doing that? On my article about teasing a girl to her friends, a reader named Warcode asks: Hi chase could you do an article on ways to generally reward her? Whether...

www.girlschase.com

Thanks will check it out

Change form Wassup to google voice so that way the read not read dynamic does not triggers you.... I would also suggest go into my archives, and read all those posts i made on texting, field test them.....

Will check that out...

For example, I approached this girl on Monday complimenting her hair and called her Khaleesi (Game of thrones reference). I teased, qualified and she gave me her number within 5 mins since she was running for her bus. I texted her the same night and she responded immediately and then I responded her after an hour and she responded back today morning after almost 1 day. Now, I have texting anxiety and havent opened her text yet, I dont know when should I reply and what to reply. So, this is how the conversation went over text:

Me: Hey Khaleesi, random but cool meeting you (2 hours after taking her number)
She: U too, sorry I had to run for the bus (after 30 mins)
Me: I was surprised you took the bus! What happened to your dragons? (after 1 hour)
She: haha..they got hit by bus (after more than a day)

I have a lot of questions in my mind now:
1. When to text back? Should I take as much time as her or reply her today? Does it come across like chasing if I text her earlier than her?
2. Should I reply saying: Damn! I wanted a ride (innuendo) - but I'm not sure if it comes across as creepy
3. Should I be polite and say: too bad! I wanted to ride the dragons or something less intense? - not sure if it comes across as kiss-ass
4. Should I already ask her out on a date since she took 2 days to reply? Am I not chasing? She also mentioned that she is scared to give me her phone number since she doesnt give it to strangers and so I took her facebook. So, asking her out too soon may chase her away and also calling or voice messages may scare her

 

[StrayDog]

Thanks will check it out


Will check that out...

For example, I approached this girl on Monday complimenting her hair and called her Khaleesi (Game of thrones reference). I teased, qualified and she gave me her number within 5 mins since she was running for her bus. I texted her the same night and she responded immediately and then I responded her after an hour and she responded back today morning after almost 1 day. Now, I have texting anxiety and havent opened her text yet, I dont know when should I reply and what to reply. So, this is how the conversation went over text:

Me: Hey Khaleesi, random but cool meeting you (2 hours after taking her number)
She: U too, sorry I had to run for the bus (after 30 mins)
Me: I was surprised you took the bus! What happened to your dragons? (after 1 hour)
She: haha..they got hit by bus (after more than a day)

I have a lot of questions in my mind now:
1. When to text back? Should I take as much time as her or reply her today? Does it come across like chasing if I text her earlier than her?
2. Should I reply saying: Damn! I wanted a ride (innuendo) - but I'm not sure if it comes across as creepy
3. Should I be polite and say: too bad! I wanted to ride the dragons or something less intense? - not sure if it comes across as kiss-ass
4. Should I already ask her out on a date since she took 2 days to reply? Am I not chasing? She also mentioned that she is scared to give me her phone number since she doesnt give it to strangers and so I took her facebook. So, asking her out too soon may chase her away and also calling or voice messages may scare her

This is how I might handle this
I wouldn't over think how long you wait to text back. Mirror her response time a bit but if she took a while to get back like 2 days, don't wait 2 days. That just shows her she is running things. Maybe just wait like 3-5 hours. Don't text so quick that it looks like you are waiting around and wait so long that the connection deflates. there is wiggle room. use your gut. The key here is to get the text times into a flow where the responses are closer and closer together and you are having more of a straight on convo. So, keep things fresh but don't be too eager.
the initial interaction was short so there is not a lot of rapport. I would use the moment to build a little rapport to make her feel comfortable and then segue into a meet up. This would not be the moment for flirting and building strong sexual attraction. Especially if you only met for 5 minutes. She want's to know that you are A: easy to talk to and not boring and B: Not a weirdo
I wouldn't use any more emojis for a good while, probably until the date has been confirmed. I would probably ping only one more comment about the dragons and do it in a way that leads her response to something more real. something like "That must be a hard loss. When you are down mourning feel free to tell me a bit about yourself. Like what a dragon tamer likes to do on her off time"
I would spend a few moments of back and fourth regarding more "get to know you" topics. Making sure to keep things light, and concise. Mirror her investment levels. Then when the moment is fit, start to segue to a meet up. don't jump the gun on this, definetely take the time let her feel like you actually got to know her a little. But also don't linger, and don't get into big long personal text exchanges. I usually lead up to the date suggestion with a 3 tier yes ladder starting small "I'm getting the sense you are the adventurous type". after she responds go a little more clear "and what are your thoughts on beautiful hikes with adventurous boys?" she responds and I go for the date. "Well, I just so happen to know a fabulous trail. What' is your week looking like? Sunday is always a good day for me"
Then I would leave some date details open so there are things to text about leading up to the date. Like say you decided to check out some art galleries and you said "Well I know some really creative galleries". And you also landed on saturday as the best day. here are some things you can leave open
-the exact time on saturday
-where to meet
-what to wear (yes what to wear)
So now you can through out the week be like
-"Hey Samantha, looking forward to saturday. Was thinking around 12- 1 sounds good. Thoughts?"
-"Awesome, we'll meet at such and such coffee shop and stroll from there. There are some solid galleries all clustered together. Really wild stuff"
-"Looking forward to tomorrow. It's gonna be a blast! Wear something creative. We're gonna hit the town in fashion"
and once it is all set and confirmed a simple "great see ya at noon "

Granted you are going to have to adjust to the info she gives you but the point is
-stay light and fun
-build a little rapport
-build up to a meet up
-Keep things loaded you can talk about while you build to actual meeting
Hope that helps you out

and yes the margin for error these days seems to be very small. There are a lot of cultural reasons at play for this, so if it doesn't work out Just realize we are all playing on hard mode. and while you might have miss stepped, the rejection isn't a reflection of you personally just how you ran game at the moment, and also it is just a calling to get better

 

[TomInHo]

Thanks will check it out


Will check that out...

For example, I approached this girl on Monday complimenting her hair and called her Khaleesi (Game of thrones reference). I teased, qualified and she gave me her number within 5 mins since she was running for her bus. I texted her the same night and she responded immediately and then I responded her after an hour and she responded back today morning after almost 1 day. Now, I have texting anxiety and havent opened her text yet, I dont know when should I reply and what to reply. So, this is how the conversation went over text:

Me: Hey Khaleesi, random but cool meeting you (2 hours after taking her number)
She: U too, sorry I had to run for the bus (after 30 mins)
Me: I was surprised you took the bus! What happened to your dragons? (after 1 hour)
She: haha..they got hit by bus (after more than a day)

I have a lot of questions in my mind now:
1. When to text back? Should I take as much time as her or reply her today? Does it come across like chasing if I text her earlier than her?
2. Should I reply saying: Damn! I wanted a ride (innuendo) - but I'm not sure if it comes across as creepy
3. Should I be polite and say: too bad! I wanted to ride the dragons or something less intense? - not sure if it comes across as kiss-ass
4. Should I already ask her out on a date since she took 2 days to reply? Am I not chasing? She also mentioned that she is scared to give me her phone number since she doesnt give it to strangers and so I took her facebook. So, asking her out too soon may chase her away and also calling or voice messages may scare her

From my experience, when a girl seems to have erratic texting patterns...

1) Sometimes she texts you after 5 mins
2) Sometimes it's 1-2 days later
3) Sometimes 3-6 hrs later

It's most often a big sign that she's already in a relationship, And those big breaks between messages are because she is with her main man. This is also very likely if she still shows a lot enthusiasm when she does text.

For example

1) She's flirty over text
2) She is complying with your attempts to move the interaction forward, but just taking long to respond
3) Apologizing for her absence

I like to think of it like she is giving you a positive and negative stimuli at the same time. And in those situations, base all your decision making off the positives not the negatives.... a.k.a pretend like it's no big deal and keep the interaction moving forward

In those scenarios, just cut out all the fluff and use minimal text to set up dates. i.e 2-3 exchanges to set up a time and place to meet, which will be heavily dependent on her schedule for obvious reasons

You're lucky because most girls won't tell you they have a boyfriend. You have to read in between the lines and play your role. And I had to learn that lesson the hard way a few times when I called girls after we shagged and their Boyfriends picked up the phone

So definitely don't call, it may blow her cover, and try your best to stay cool during texting while staying focused on setting up the meet

Also pay close attention to the times she texts you, because it means that's probably when she's free

 

[Chase]

@Shawn,

Your texting has room for improvement.

You should not be giving away power with ball-in-court texts. The way you're structuring them you are, however.

Ball-in-her-court text you sent her:

Ok, I understand. In that case, let's meet tomorrow and see how you feel. But if you're sure you don't want to meet tomorrow, I won't contact you anymore and I'll leave the ball in your court

First off, reread the article this concept's from and look how it's framed:

When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When Not To)

“The ball’s in your court.” You either love uttering that line, or you never utter it. It’s a truly liberating line when you’re using it right – some girl you think likes you, or you think might like you, but who is being coy or difficult about coming out... you’re just going to fire that text...

www.girlschase.com

If you have my texting book sold on Amazon, reread that chapter in particular; it's the article above, but it has examples specifically for text.

A good ball-in-her-court message sets several vital frames:

• "I'm chill and unaffected by your unavailability"
• "My time is valuable though and I don't chase"
• "You are being silly and flakey and indecisive"
• "Whenever you're being less silly, get in touch"

(probably also reread this article for good measure, come to think of it. Because that thinking underlies how you frame the text. You also need to thoroughly understand compliance)

Note that last part though: you are giving her an instruction.

Not just any instruction; a ball-in-her-court instruction is a clear, conditional instruction: you tell her "when X happens, do Y", that way when X happens, it pops into her mind "Oh! X has happened! Now I must do Y" and you hear back.

The text you're sending is worded in such a way that it communicates the opposite of what a good ball-in-her-court text communicates, gives no real or clear instructions, and has some other bad frames:

• "You're in control and I accept your frame" ("I understand")
• "It's your choice whether to accept or deny me" (meeting up tomorrow to "see how she feels")
• "You need to make a decision; the power is yours" ("if you're sure...")
• "I will be here or not, whichever you want from me" ("I won't contact you anymore if that's what you want")

You also propose a random meeting tomorrow (is she free tomorrow? Was this discussed or planned? You're 2x-3x more likely to get a rejection asking girls out for specific times than checking their schedules first, and on top of that she just said she's too busy with some other dude and your response was "Let's meet up tomorrow" -- looks way tone-deaf). "Let's meet tomorrow" is the only instruction in there, kind of, but you give her an out to it, so not really.

Then you tell her you are "throwing the ball in her court" -- that's the name of the tactic, it's not the words you send her. "I'll throw the ball in your court" is how you talk to men you don't particularly care to hear from again. She's not a man, and you do (presumably) want to hear from her again. "I'm throwing the ball in your court" is a weird message for a woman to get. Women need clear instructions. You did not give her an instruction to text you here; it is vague and non-specific ("you decide what to do, at a time you decide to do it").

Here's what a proper ball-in-your-court exchange would look like with this girl:

She said:

Hmm it’s not like that, it’s because I am seeing another guy and we got quite close recently. I am not sure if I would have time to see another person as I have been so busy at work too. I took on more responsibility when I did my performance review and now I am struggling Like I am not a big fan of seeing different people at same time, I get overwhelmed.​

You say:

Geez, that sounds like a real clusterfuck! Well you better get that situ sorted out then. Tell you what when things calm down a bit and you're ready to meet up, shoot me a text & we'll figure things out then ​

See how different that is from what you sent?

She's telling you all this garbage about how she's seeing another dude and now they're getting close and also she's so busy at work, blah blah blah... when people start giving you multiple reasons for something they are trying to come up with excuses that cannot easily be broken. So you know right away the real reason is probably actually something like "I'm just not really that attracted to you."

She's not monogamous with this guy; she comes out and says right here that she does FB / open relationships. She is talking about past experiences doing them, and is NOT telling you "I'm in an exclusive relationship right now" -- really what she is saying here is "I don't want to do this with YOU (because of a lack of attraction)."

So your #1 priority here is resetting the frame, which you do by framing yourself as a high value guy who passes judgment in a cool way on her girly flakey silly indecision.

She just told you her life is a mess, so you unabashedly tell her her life sounds like a mess, then give her an instruction.

Usually I think it's good form to avoid swearing with girls unless you know they're cool with it, but when she's writing you this long bullshit excuse about what a clusterfuck her life is, telling her "Geez, that's a real clusterfuck!" and then giving her an instruction to sort that out does a couple things for you:

1. It implies your life is NOT a clusterfuck, and that you have your shit on lock in ways she does not
2. It tells her you aren't pussyfooting around and aren't going to try to be all nice guy understanding ("Oh, I see, that makes total sense" etc.)
3. You take a bit of a fatherly tone then and tell her in essence it's not good to have a fucked up life and she need to fix that
4. The implication there is that you are doing a takeaway until her life is sorted out

That's very different framing. Can you feel that? You are the high value one; it is now a takeaway where you are taking yourself away until her clusterfuck life is sorted; she now has to sort all her crap out before she can hope to see you.

Then finally you give her CLEAR CONDITIONS ("when things calm down a bit and you're ready to meet up") followed by CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ("shoot me a text & we'll figure things out then").

Texting is not just a game of writing words.

It is a game of figuring out what framing you want, THEN attaching words to it that get those frames across.

She was already in "I'm not really attracted to Shawn... I don't really want to make room in my life for him" mode when she sent that text.

If you sent her a ball-in-her-court text like the one I just laid out for you, I guarantee you it would've stuck in her mind and bothered her and made her start thinking about you over and over: "I feel embarrassed now to look so disorganized to a guy who seems like he has his shit together. I mean he even told me I need to sort things out. He's probably got his life a lot more on lock than I do. I feel like a kid now! I feel like I don't know what's going on... He's probably judging me as a mess right now. And how could he just walk away? But he said I could contact him when it's straightened out. I feel like maybe I just messed up."

Then you will just keep popping up into her head over and over, and she will feel embarrassed, until at last she contacts you to try to alleviate the embarrassment she feels + contact a guy who has framed himself in her mind as being a high-value guy who is willing to meet her if she can be a little more reliable but isn't going to hang around forever while she flakes about and waffles.

That's ball-in-her-court texting.

On your other texting:

I have a lot of questions in my mind now:
1. When to text back? Should I take as much time as her or reply her today? Does it come across like chasing if I text her earlier than her?
2. Should I reply saying: Damn! I wanted a ride (innuendo) - but I'm not sure if it comes across as creepy
3. Should I be polite and say: too bad! I wanted to ride the dragons or something less intense? - not sure if it comes across as kiss-ass
4. Should I already ask her out on a date since she took 2 days to reply? Am I not chasing? She also mentioned that she is scared to give me her phone number since she doesnt give it to strangers and so I took her facebook. So, asking her out too soon may chase her away and also calling or voice messages may scare her

This doesn't read like you've read my guides on texting at all. You're being the RIWIG text banterer guy.

Not terrible, but not optimal, either.

My three primary texting articles are here:

How to Text a Girl in 2022

This guide will show you exactly how to text a girl. Including: Texting a girl examples Copy-paste texting templates Emerging texting trends Must-read resources Lots more If you want to go from novice to 'textpert', this guide is for you. Let's begin. About the Author Chase Amante here. I'm an...

www.girlschase.com

20 Ways to Text a Girl that Make Her Super Attracted

In the article on second dates, Todd comments on a girl he's met and some of the texting they've done between their first date and second, and finishes up with the questions below: “What's the next step? I don't want her to lose interest, but I'm gone for this entire week. We said we'd get...

www.girlschase.com

14 Simple Ways to Text a Girl and Make Her Want You

Don't know how to text a girl you like? Copy these texts and send them to her to get her excited and ready to go out with you. Contents 1. Icebreaker Text 2. Same Day Date Text 3. Next Day Date Text 4. Standard Scheduler Text 5. Proposal Text 6. No Worries Text 7. Scheduler II Text 8. Scheduler...

www.girlschase.com

If you felt like you did not build a strong enough first impression with her that you can jump right to logistical "set the date up" texting, then call her or video message her first:

Tactics Tuesdays: The Bonding Phone Call

The bonding phone call lets you build a stronger emotional connection with a girl you’ve just met. If you need a boost before the date, this is it. Contents 1. Do Phone Calls Work? 2. Role of the Bonding Call 3. How to Make a Bonding Phone Call Pitfalls to Avoid What to Discuss 4. What to Do...

www.girlschase.com

Video Messaging Girls, Part 2: How to Video Message Her

How do you send a woman video messages that draw her in and get a response? There's a science to it… and it includes what you weave into the message, as well as the tone. Hey guys, and welcome to part 2 of my two-part series on video messaging. You can read Part 1 (on why video messaging girls...

www.girlschase.com

(you can also use an alternate texting method... I know @Skills and @Warped Mindless are fans of more text banter. If you're doing that, I would study their stuff and what they are doing for their text banter convos; you don't have to use my stuff if you like theirs better)

Anyway, I would look hard at how I am framing the things I am sending. Because right now I'm seeing a bunch of framing in your texts you do not want to have, and lacking are most/all the frames you do.

Clean that up and you should start seeing more dividends from your texting.

Chase

 

[StrayDog]

@Shawn,

Your texting has room for improvement.

You should not be giving away power with ball-in-court texts. The way you're structuring them you are, however.

Ball-in-her-court text you sent her:



First off, reread the article this concept's from and look how it's framed:

When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When Not To)

“The ball’s in your court.” You either love uttering that line, or you never utter it. It’s a truly liberating line when you’re using it right – some girl you think likes you, or you think might like you, but who is being coy or difficult about coming out... you’re just going to fire that text...

www.girlschase.com

If you have my texting book sold on Amazon, reread that chapter in particular; it's the article above, but it has examples specifically for text.

A good ball-in-her-court message sets several vital frames:

• "I'm chill and unaffected by your unavailability"
• "My time is valuable though and I don't chase"
• "You are being silly and flakey and indecisive"
• "Whenever you're being less silly, get in touch"

(probably also reread this article for good measure, come to think of it. Because that thinking underlies how you frame the text. You also need to thoroughly understand compliance)

Note that last part though: you are giving her an instruction.

Not just any instruction; a ball-in-her-court instruction is a clear, conditional instruction: you tell her "when X happens, do Y", that way when X happens, it pops into her mind "Oh! X has happened! Now I must do Y" and you hear back.

The text you're sending is worded in such a way that it communicates the opposite of what a good ball-in-her-court text communicates, gives no real or clear instructions, and has some other bad frames:

• "You're in control and I accept your frame" ("I understand")
• "It's your choice whether to accept or deny me" (meeting up tomorrow to "see how she feels")
• "You need to make a decision; the power is yours" ("if you're sure...")
• "I will be here or not, whichever you want from me" ("I won't contact you anymore if that's what you want")

You also propose a random meeting tomorrow (is she free tomorrow? Was this discussed or planned? You're 2x-3x more likely to get a rejection asking girls out for specific times than checking their schedules first, and on top of that she just said she's too busy with some other dude and your response was "Let's meet up tomorrow" -- looks way tone-deaf). "Let's meet tomorrow" is the only instruction in there, kind of, but you give her an out to it, so not really.

Then you tell her you are "throwing the ball in her court" -- that's the name of the tactic, it's not the words you send her. "I'll throw the ball in your court" is how you talk to men you don't particularly care to hear from again. She's not a man, and you do (presumably) want to hear from her again. "I'm throwing the ball in your court" is a weird message for a woman to get. Women need clear instructions. You did not give her an instruction to text you here; it is vague and non-specific ("you decide what to do, at a time you decide to do it").

Here's what a proper ball-in-your-court exchange would look like with this girl:

She said:

Hmm it’s not like that, it’s because I am seeing another guy and we got quite close recently. I am not sure if I would have time to see another person as I have been so busy at work too. I took on more responsibility when I did my performance review and now I am struggling Like I am not a big fan of seeing different people at same time, I get overwhelmed.​

You say:

Geez, that sounds like a real clusterfuck! Well you better get that situ sorted out then. Tell you what when things calm down a bit and you're ready to meet up, shoot me a text & we'll figure things out then ​

See how different that is from what you sent?

She's telling you all this garbage about how she's seeing another dude and now they're getting close and also she's so busy at work, blah blah blah... when people start giving you multiple reasons for something they are trying to come up with excuses that cannot easily be broken. So you know right away the real reason is probably actually something like "I'm just not really that attracted to you."

She's not monogamous with this guy; she comes out and says right here that she does FB / open relationships. She is talking about past experiences doing them, and is NOT telling you "I'm in an exclusive relationship right now" -- really what she is saying here is "I don't want to do this with YOU (because of a lack of attraction)."

So your #1 priority here is resetting the frame, which you do by framing yourself as a high value guy who passes judgment in a cool way on her girly flakey silly indecision.

She just told you her life is a mess, so you unabashedly tell her her life sounds like a mess, then give her an instruction.

Usually I think it's good form to avoid swearing with girls unless you know they're cool with it, but when she's writing you this long bullshit excuse about what a clusterfuck her life is, telling her "Geez, that's a real clusterfuck!" and then giving her an instruction to sort that out does a couple things for you:

1. It implies your life is NOT a clusterfuck, and that you have your shit on lock in ways she does not
2. It tells her you aren't pussyfooting around and aren't going to try to be all nice guy understanding ("Oh, I see, that makes total sense" etc.)
3. You take a bit of a fatherly tone then and tell her in essence it's not good to have a fucked up life and she need to fix that
4. The implication there is that you are doing a takeaway until her life is sorted out

That's very different framing. Can you feel that? You are the high value one; it is now a takeaway where you are taking yourself away until her clusterfuck life is sorted; she now has to sort all her crap out before she can hope to see you.

Then finally you give her CLEAR CONDITIONS ("when things calm down a bit and you're ready to meet up") followed by CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ("shoot me a text & we'll figure things out then").

Texting is not just a game of writing words.

It is a game of figuring out what framing you want, THEN attaching words to it that get those frames across.

She was already in "I'm not really attracted to Shawn... I don't really want to make room in my life for him" mode when she sent that text.

If you sent her a ball-in-her-court text like the one I just laid out for you, I guarantee you it would've stuck in her mind and bothered her and made her start thinking about you over and over: "I feel embarrassed now to look so disorganized to a guy who seems like he has his shit together. I mean he even told me I need to sort things out. He's probably got his life a lot more on lock than I do. I feel like a kid now! I feel like I don't know what's going on... He's probably judging me as a mess right now. And how could he just walk away? But he said I could contact him when it's straightened out. I feel like maybe I just messed up."

Then you will just keep popping up into her head over and over, and she will feel embarrassed, until at last she contacts you to try to alleviate the embarrassment she feels + contact a guy who has framed himself in her mind as being a high-value guy who is willing to meet her if she can be a little more reliable but isn't going to hang around forever while she flakes about and waffles.

That's ball-in-her-court texting.

On your other texting:



This doesn't read like you've read my guides on texting at all. You're being the RIWIG text banterer guy.

Not terrible, but not optimal, either.

My three primary texting articles are here:

How to Text a Girl in 2022

This guide will show you exactly how to text a girl. Including: Texting a girl examples Copy-paste texting templates Emerging texting trends Must-read resources Lots more If you want to go from novice to 'textpert', this guide is for you. Let's begin. About the Author Chase Amante here. I'm an...

www.girlschase.com

20 Ways to Text a Girl that Make Her Super Attracted

In the article on second dates, Todd comments on a girl he's met and some of the texting they've done between their first date and second, and finishes up with the questions below: “What's the next step? I don't want her to lose interest, but I'm gone for this entire week. We said we'd get...

www.girlschase.com

14 Simple Ways to Text a Girl and Make Her Want You

Don't know how to text a girl you like? Copy these texts and send them to her to get her excited and ready to go out with you. Contents 1. Icebreaker Text 2. Same Day Date Text 3. Next Day Date Text 4. Standard Scheduler Text 5. Proposal Text 6. No Worries Text 7. Scheduler II Text 8. Scheduler...

www.girlschase.com

If you felt like you did not build a strong enough first impression with her that you can jump right to logistical "set the date up" texting, then call her or video message her first:

Tactics Tuesdays: The Bonding Phone Call

The bonding phone call lets you build a stronger emotional connection with a girl you’ve just met. If you need a boost before the date, this is it. Contents 1. Do Phone Calls Work? 2. Role of the Bonding Call 3. How to Make a Bonding Phone Call Pitfalls to Avoid What to Discuss 4. What to Do...

www.girlschase.com

Video Messaging Girls, Part 2: How to Video Message Her

How do you send a woman video messages that draw her in and get a response? There's a science to it… and it includes what you weave into the message, as well as the tone. Hey guys, and welcome to part 2 of my two-part series on video messaging. You can read Part 1 (on why video messaging girls...

www.girlschase.com

(you can also use an alternate texting method... I know @Skills and @Warped Mindless are fans of more text banter. If you're doing that, I would study their stuff and what they are doing for their text banter convos; you don't have to use my stuff if you like theirs better)

Anyway, I would look hard at how I am framing the things I am sending. Because right now I'm seeing a bunch of framing in your texts you do not want to have, and lacking are most/all the frames you do.

Clean that up and you should start seeing more dividends from your texting.

Chase

Okay so this is what's up. Here I am giving @Shawn advice when I myself have been getting mixed results with my ball in court texts. A fair amount of success but not the consistent results I have been looking for. I am just now realizing that while I had some strong elements in place I was lacking in clarity and powerful delivery
Joining this forum has been super helpful. Giving advice helps me articulate what I know. But then seeing how the guys who have this down pat handle it is helping me see clear steps to take to level up and cut the bullshit out.
Fucking A, thanks guys!

 

[Calibration]

From my experience, when a girl seems to have erratic texting patterns...

1) Sometimes she texts you after 5 mins
2) Sometimes it's 1-2 days later
3) Sometimes 3-6 hrs later

It's most often a big sign that she's already in a relationship, And those big breaks between messages are because she is with her main man. This is also very likely if she still shows a lot enthusiasm when she does text.

This is invaluable info. I always thought that they are shit-testing me when they left me on read or took forever to reply and it annoyed the shit out of me. Now, I'll approach it from a different mindset

 

[Calibration]

Thanks Chase for taking the time to explain. Believe it or not, I read it 3-4 times for it to sink in deep

If you have my texting book sold on Amazon, reread that chapter in particular; it's the article above, but it has examples specifically for text.

I think its high time I buy this now

Ball-in-her-court text you sent her:



First off, reread the article this concept's from and look how it's framed:

When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When Not To)

“The ball’s in your court.” You either love uttering that line, or you never utter it. It’s a truly liberating line when you’re using it right – some girl you think likes you, or you think might like you, but who is being coy or difficult about coming out... you’re just going to fire that text...

www.girlschase.com

I've read all of the articles that you shared multiple times and specially this one but somehow I hadn't got the sub-communication of that message

If you have my texting book sold on Amazon, reread that chapter in particular; it's the article above, but it has examples specifically for text.

A good ball-in-her-court message sets several vital frames:

• "I'm chill and unaffected by your unavailability"
• "My time is valuable though and I don't chase"
• "You are being silly and flakey and indecisive"
• "Whenever you're being less silly, get in touch"

(probably also reread this article for good measure, come to think of it. Because that thinking underlies how you frame the text. You also need to thoroughly understand compliance)

Note that last part though: you are giving her an instruction.

Not just any instruction; a ball-in-her-court instruction is a clear, conditional instruction: you tell her "when X happens, do Y", that way when X happens, it pops into her mind "Oh! X has happened! Now I must do Y" and you hear back.

I totally get it now. But I have to admit that, right from the beginning, I had set a wrong frame with this girl from yesterday. If its a girl who is young and less/moderately experienced like a student, barista, bartender, nanny etc, I have no problem setting a dominant frame right from the beginning but if a girl works in corporate, I struggle to set that frame - I think its cos, I work in a multi-national company and all the girls that I work with are super bitchy and have a very strong frame - when I approach them, they are like: Ok, you seem to be cool, I may fuck you when I feel like, you're welcome to join the waiting list. I remember reading one of your article where you talk about such girls who are super-experienced and its a different frame with them. This girl was exactly like that but she was hot and she was friendly. So, I couldn't set that frame at all

The text you're sending is worded in such a way that it communicates the opposite of what a good ball-in-her-court text communicates, gives no real or clear instructions, and has some other bad frames:

• "You're in control and I accept your frame" ("I understand")
• "It's your choice whether to accept or deny me" (meeting up tomorrow to "see how she feels")
• "You need to make a decision; the power is yours" ("if you're sure...")
• "I will be here or not, whichever you want from me" ("I won't contact you anymore if that's what you want")

I see what "Ball-in-her-court" actually means here

You also propose a random meeting tomorrow (is she free tomorrow? Was this discussed or planned? You're 2x-3x more likely to get a rejection asking girls out for specific times than checking their schedules first, and on top of that she just said she's too busy with some other dude and your response was "Let's meet up tomorrow" -- looks way tone-deaf). "Let's meet tomorrow" is the only instruction in there, kind of, but you give her an out to it, so not really.

I think I didn't give the context earlier. Yes, she had agreed to meet after work and I asked if 5 PM works and she left me on read for 3 hrs and I got irritated/angry and said: "If you cant meet tomorrow, we can meet Thursday" and she declined and that's where the rest of the conversation happened and the screenshots that I posted. I actually fucked it up tbh. I should've waited for her to respond to that message but somehow I felt very angry when I saw she was online and just didnt say "Yes" or "No"

Then you tell her you are "throwing the ball in her court" -- that's the name of the tactic, it's not the words you send her. "I'll throw the ball in your court" is how you talk to men you don't particularly care to hear from again. She's not a man, and you do (presumably) want to hear from her again. "I'm throwing the ball in your court" is a weird message for a woman to get. Women need clear instructions. You did not give her an instruction to text you here; it is vague and non-specific ("you decide what to do, at a time you decide to do it").

Yep, I've sent similar ones (just copy-pasted your examples ) in the past to other girls but I never understood the sub-communication. So, even though they were better than this one, it still didn't convey the actual message: Examples:

https://imgur.com/a/KFQoLVA

https://imgur.com/a/Jv9izTe

Here's what a proper ball-in-your-court exchange would look like with this girl:

She said:

Hmm it’s not like that, it’s because I am seeing another guy and we got quite close recently. I am not sure if I would have time to see another person as I have been so busy at work too. I took on more responsibility when I did my performance review and now I am struggling Like I am not a big fan of seeing different people at same time, I get overwhelmed.​

You say:

Geez, that sounds like a real clusterfuck! Well you better get that situ sorted out then. Tell you what when things calm down a bit and you're ready to meet up, shoot me a text & we'll figure things out then ​

See how different that is from what you sent?

She's telling you all this garbage about how she's seeing another dude and now they're getting close and also she's so busy at work, blah blah blah... when people start giving you multiple reasons for something they are trying to come up with excuses that cannot easily be broken. So you know right away the real reason is probably actually something like "I'm just not really that attracted to you."

She's not monogamous with this guy; she comes out and says right here that she does FB / open relationships. She is talking about past experiences doing them, and is NOT telling you "I'm in an exclusive relationship right now" -- really what she is saying here is "I don't want to do this with YOU (because of a lack of attraction)."

This actually hurts cos she was so into me during informational date that at the end of it, while leaving I made a deep eye-contact and she came and hug me like a kid hugs her dad, it was really very endearing but because of my texting, I fucked it up again

So your #1 priority here is resetting the frame, which you do by framing yourself as a high value guy who passes judgment in a cool way on her girly flakey silly indecision.

She just told you her life is a mess, so you unabashedly tell her her life sounds like a mess, then give her an instruction.

Usually I think it's good form to avoid swearing with girls unless you know they're cool with it, but when she's writing you this long bullshit excuse about what a clusterfuck her life is, telling her "Geez, that's a real clusterfuck!" and then giving her an instruction to sort that out does a couple things for you:

1. It implies your life is NOT a clusterfuck, and that you have your shit on lock in ways she does not
2. It tells her you aren't pussyfooting around and aren't going to try to be all nice guy understanding ("Oh, I see, that makes total sense" etc.)
3. You take a bit of a fatherly tone then and tell her in essence it's not good to have a fucked up life and she need to fix that
4. The implication there is that you are doing a takeaway until her life is sorted out

That's very different framing. Can you feel that?

Yes but framing myself as high-value when I know am actually super-needy from inside, is really hard. But I totally see it from a different perspective now

You are the high value one; it is now a takeaway where you are taking yourself away until her clusterfuck life is sorted; she now has to sort all her crap out before she can hope to see you.

Then finally you give her CLEAR CONDITIONS ("when things calm down a bit and you're ready to meet up") followed by CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ("shoot me a text & we'll figure things out then").

Texting is not just a game of writing words.

It is a game of figuring out what framing you want, THEN attaching words to it that get those frames across.

She was already in "I'm not really attracted to Shawn... I don't really want to make room in my life for him" mode when she sent that text.

If you sent her a ball-in-her-court text like the one I just laid out for you, I guarantee you it would've stuck in her mind and bothered her and made her start thinking about you over and over: "I feel embarrassed now to look so disorganized to a guy who seems like he has his shit together. I mean he even told me I need to sort things out. He's probably got his life a lot more on lock than I do. I feel like a kid now! I feel like I don't know what's going on... He's probably judging me as a mess right now. And how could he just walk away? But he said I could contact him when it's straightened out. I feel like maybe I just messed up."

Then you will just keep popping up into her head over and over, and she will feel embarrassed, until at last she contacts you to try to alleviate the embarrassment she feels + contact a guy who has framed himself in her mind as being a high-value guy who is willing to meet her if she can be a little more reliable but isn't going to hang around forever while she flakes about and waffles.

That's ball-in-her-court texting.

Got it!

On your other texting:



This doesn't read like you've read my guides on texting at all. You're being the RIWIG text banterer guy.

Not terrible, but not optimal, either.

My three primary texting articles are here:

How to Text a Girl in 2022

This guide will show you exactly how to text a girl. Including: Texting a girl examples Copy-paste texting templates Emerging texting trends Must-read resources Lots more If you want to go from novice to 'textpert', this guide is for you. Let's begin. About the Author Chase Amante here. I'm an...

www.girlschase.com

20 Ways to Text a Girl that Make Her Super Attracted

In the article on second dates, Todd comments on a girl he's met and some of the texting they've done between their first date and second, and finishes up with the questions below: “What's the next step? I don't want her to lose interest, but I'm gone for this entire week. We said we'd get...

www.girlschase.com

14 Simple Ways to Text a Girl and Make Her Want You

Don't know how to text a girl you like? Copy these texts and send them to her to get her excited and ready to go out with you. Contents 1. Icebreaker Text 2. Same Day Date Text 3. Next Day Date Text 4. Standard Scheduler Text 5. Proposal Text 6. No Worries Text 7. Scheduler II Text 8. Scheduler...

www.girlschase.com

If you felt like you did not build a strong enough first impression with her that you can jump right to logistical "set the date up" texting, then call her or video message her first:

Tactics Tuesdays: The Bonding Phone Call

The bonding phone call lets you build a stronger emotional connection with a girl you’ve just met. If you need a boost before the date, this is it. Contents 1. Do Phone Calls Work? 2. Role of the Bonding Call 3. How to Make a Bonding Phone Call Pitfalls to Avoid What to Discuss 4. What to Do...

www.girlschase.com

Video Messaging Girls, Part 2: How to Video Message Her

How do you send a woman video messages that draw her in and get a response? There's a science to it… and it includes what you weave into the message, as well as the tone. Hey guys, and welcome to part 2 of my two-part series on video messaging. You can read Part 1 (on why video messaging girls...

www.girlschase.com

I know these articles by-heart and they are to-the-point and this works like a charm every time with a girl if I have had a conversation for more than at least 20 minutes or went on an instant date. But I just cant get my head around how to build comfort or add other fluff if it was a short interaction. In the past, I had stopped taking numbers since I was so bad at texting that I would just try to take them on instant date or just let them go. Before covid, I pulled a couple of girls home within 1 hour of meeting during the day - one of the girl (super hot tall swedish girl) said I was the smoothest guy she had ever met but if she had to text me, she'd have run for the hills

(you can also use an alternate texting method... I know @Skills and @Warped Mindless are fans of more text banter. If you're doing that, I would study their stuff and what they are doing for their text banter convos; you don't have to use my stuff if you like theirs better)

I think its time I take texting seriously

Clean that up and you should start seeing more dividends from your texting.

Chase

Today I almost thought I'll stop doing pickup, at least for sometime but all of you guys are really helpful and it feels good to be part of this community. I was reluctant to join any groups after having bad experiences on reddit groups but I think I'll stick here
Thanks again Chase, I really appreciate your help bro

 

[Skills]

Thanks will check it out


Will check that out...

For example, I approached this girl on Monday complimenting her hair and called her Khaleesi (Game of thrones reference). I teased, qualified and she gave me her number within 5 mins since she was running for her bus. I texted her the same night and she responded immediately and then I responded her after an hour and she responded back today morning after almost 1 day. Now, I have texting anxiety and havent opened her text yet, I dont know when should I reply and what to reply. So, this is how the conversation went over text:

Me: Hey Khaleesi, random but cool meeting you (2 hours after taking her number)
She: U too, sorry I had to run for the bus (after 30 mins)
Me: I was surprised you took the bus! What happened to your dragons? (after 1 hour)
She: haha..they got hit by bus (after more than a day)

I have a lot of questions in my mind now:
1. When to text back? Should I take as much time as her or reply her today? Does it come across like chasing if I text her earlier than her?
2. Should I reply saying: Damn! I wanted a ride (innuendo) - but I'm not sure if it comes across as creepy
3. Should I be polite and say: too bad! I wanted to ride the dragons or something less intense? - not sure if it comes across as kiss-ass
4. Should I already ask her out on a date since she took 2 days to reply? Am I not chasing? She also mentioned that she is scared to give me her phone number since she doesnt give it to strangers and so I took her facebook. So, asking her out too soon may chase her away and also calling or voice messages may scare her

Again read my archives and field test all of these I have answered with samples

P.s. Tonight when I get home I will make a specific post about this...

 

[POB]

I've just glazed over some responses, though I guess the main issue has been addressed.
Things I'd like to point out and differentiate to clarify:
- women who string you along and have no BF
- women who string you along and do have a BF

If she has no BF, she probably thinks about you as an interesting prospect (or else she was not gonna respond). You can text her using a small amount of comfort and applying @Skills script of ping>comfort/flirt>soft close>hard close (just move things forward and do not scare her away with too much player vibes or boredom). Just don't text too much.

But If she has a BF, she probably does not know where to slot you yet, so you become the spare candidate. In those situations, you cannot give her any indication you want a relationship! This is the number one error guys make!

If she is taken, fuck, put on your lover boy pants and go straight up to flirting all the time. Even if you do not fuck her right away, you gonna cement yourself in her subconscious as the perfect candidate for a quick revenge/relieve fuck when the BF is away or goes out of the picture. Just flirt flirt flirt>soft close> (and if successful) booty call her every time you text her!!!

Last, I think it's ok the let yourself be strung along a bit as long as these two conditions happen:
- it's you leading the interaction, meaning if you try to hard close/booty call and she bails, you politely remove attention for a while and reset the situation...do not let her dictate how the interactions go!
- she is already "taken" and you are building yourself as a side fuck; You are there to meet and seduce her in a way her main guy doesn't and that's it;

 

[TomInHo]

But If she has a BF, she probably does not know where to slot you yet, so you become the spare candidate. In those situations, you cannot give her any indication you want a relationship! This is the number one error guys make!

If she is taken, fuck, put on your lover boy pants and go straight up to flirting all the time. Even if you do not fuck her right away, you gonna cement yourself in her subconscious as the perfect candidate for a quick revenge/relieve fuck when the BF is away or goes out of the picture. Just flirt flirt flirt>soft close> (and if successful) booty call her every time you text her!!!

BINGO!!!!

I've noticed this too. If she has a BF, I've had success telling them from the jump that... "I love building connections, but not a fan of feeling trapped or obligated"

This usually get's them super intrigued and I usually use another gambit to set the frame even harder...

Spoiler: Best Friend Gambit

HER: "What? You don't like commitment or relationships?"

ME: "I love relationships, they make life more colorful and exciting but they don't need to cost you your freedom"

HER: "What do you mean?"

ME: "Ever had a best friend?"

HER: "Of course"

ME: "Would you say that you and your best friend have a special connection?"

HER: "Yes, I love her"

ME: "I'm sure she makes life more interesting, but since you've been friends, have you made other valuable connections outside of her?"

HER: "Yes"

ME: "Right! I'm sure you love your best friend, but those other connections add another dimension to your life that she could not, am I right?"

HER: "Yes because every relationship is different"

ME: "Exactly, but how would you feel if your best friend got jealous and tried to stop you from making those other valuable connections? Do you feel like it would damage your current relationship with her?

HER: "Probably"

ME: "You see. Relationships are beautiful, but in my experience they tend to work best when both parties are allowed to enjoy their connection but also be free outside of it"

HER: "I see what you mean"

The gambit uses a lot of pacing and leading to help her see the benefits of building a special connection outside of her relationship. It also helps set frames that if you two do start a relationship that you are unlikely to be monogamous in it....

Painting yourself more as a Lover rather than Provider.

Because since she already has a provider, it makes no sense to be trying to compete for the same position

 

[Calibration]

I've just glazed over some responses, though I guess the main issue has been addressed.
Things I'd like to point out and differentiate to clarify:
- women who string you along and have no BF
- women who string you along and do have a BF

If she has no BF, she probably thinks about you as an interesting prospect (or else she was not gonna respond). You can text her using a small amount of comfort and applying @Skills script of ping>comfort/flirt>soft close>hard close (just move things forward and do not scare her away with too much player vibes or boredom). Just don't text too much.

But If she has a BF, she probably does not know where to slot you yet, so you become the spare candidate. In those situations, you cannot give her any indication you want a relationship! This is the number one error guys make!

If she is taken, fuck, put on your lover boy pants and go straight up to flirting all the time. Even if you do not fuck her right away, you gonna cement yourself in her subconscious as the perfect candidate for a quick revenge/relieve fuck when the BF is away or goes out of the picture. Just flirt flirt flirt>soft close> (and if successful) booty call her every time you text her!!!

Last, I think it's ok the let yourself be strung along a bit as long as these two conditions happen:
- it's you leading the interaction, meaning when if try to hard close/booty call and she bails, you politely remove attention for a while and reset the situation...do not let her dictate how the interactions go!
- she is already "taken" and you are building yourself as a side fuck; You are there to meet and seduce her in a way her main guy doesn't and that's it;

I wish i knew this 2 days ago

 

[POB]

Because since she already has a provider, it makes no sense to be trying to compete for the same position

Exactly my point!!!
And thx for giving a practical example.

I wish i knew this 2 days ago

Don't beat yourself, there's always room for improvement

 

[Calibration]

Again read my archives and field test all of these I have answered with samples

P.s. Tonight when I get home I will make a specific post about this...

Yesterday I tried finding your archives and couldn't find it. Looked through your profile, did a search etc. Where are they?

Thanks again