Científico’s Journal – Recovery from a 4-year LTR

[Científico]

My uninspiring record as of late continues. Forget getting laid, I haven’t even been on a date in two weeks! Several more women have flaked on me since my last post. Doing my best to turn this around with social outings every day this long weekend (meetups, night life), as well as some day game to acquire more prospects.

Like is often the case, I generally have no problem acquiring phone numbers, and often get good responses to ice-breaker texts. Its converting these into dates where I seem to have a major stumbling block at the moment. I also think that my frequent travel has made the logistics of getting women out on dates difficult - since my trips to Boston are now almost over, I anticipate this will be less of an issue going forward.

Recently, Chase posted “14 Simple Ways to Text a Girl and Make Her Want You”, which was the comprehensive guide I was looking for what is best to do with these numbers. Despite my previous success with phone calls, I’ve been experimenting with the methods in that post as of late (last week or so) – though if it continues not to pan out the way it’s been going lately, I’ll go back to replacing the “scheduler text” with a phone call, and if she doesn’t answer, then sending the text instead. Phone calls are not always convenient but if the situation is favorable (it’s a good time), I may start opting for it again under some circumstances regardless.

I’ve also been thinking about changing my environment from my normal salsa clubs to other kinds of clubs – experimented with a latin club one week ago and approached a lot of women. Achieved some dance floor make-outs, but the women disappeared immediately afterwards when their friends took them away.

After that outing I read the GC Post “How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs”, and saw all the positive comments Chase had to say about house clubs. Decided to check these out Thursday (Valentines Day) and again Friday – not much success there. The environment is still very similar to normal clubs, (cliques/groups of many non-receptive women, poor lighting, loud music so it’s difficult to talk) and I feel I would really have to swing the bat hard at these venues to get any results (though one semi-cute black girl did approach me on Friday – I feel I should have escalated fast and tried to pull her home, yet at the last second somehow I chickened out and just went for the phone number – was kicking myself for that). I agree with chase that house music is great for when you have a woman at your place, but perhaps not my cup of tea for actually meeting these women.

In contrast, last night I went to a proper salsa/bachata club, didn’t drink, and just danced with lots and lots of women – acquired two phone numbers, one texted me first and the other gave me a very warm ice-breaker text response, as well as reconnected with another woman that I met back around new years, who I invited home – her response “I would but my dad is asking me when I’ll be home” *holds up phone showing the text*. Ever since then this woman has been texting me quite a lot.

So – I think I’ll stick to the salsa clubs where I am at my forte and can meet a lot of women in a short time span, NOT drinking so my dance-game is 100%, and just focus on being more sexual/aggressive with the women I meet (e.g. more cheek kisses/invites home).

I am still in fact struggling with inviting women home – yet time and time again, I witness that after you do this, even if she refuses, a woman’s interest in you will NOT decrease – in fact, it either stays the same or INCREASES. Something to remember going forward.

 

[Científico]

My 17 day streak of no dates finally ended last night. I decided, as I was going to be back in Boston for work for just two days, to send scheduler texts to the two women in the area that had responded favorably last time. One did not respond at all, but the other did – a sexy latina single mom I met several weeks ago at a latin club here - though it was a bit of a dance over text to get her to come out with me.

The day of the meet, I sent another proposal text proposing a time and place – she agreed on the time yet for some reason waffled on the place, saying that her phone has no data thus she has no GPS, and she only knows to get to a mall about 1.5 miles away from my hotel. I pushed back on this a bit since this wasn’t my absolute ideal logistics and the bar I wanted to meet at was so close, but she also pushes back on my push-back, and I end up proposing for her to pick me up at the mall then I will help direct her. She doesn’t respond to this – I end up going to the mall anyway just in case she decides to show up, then 20 minutes after the time we are supposed to meet, send her some more texts. She responds strangely:

Científico: I’m here – this is a nice mall
Sexy Latina (SL): I’m at my mother’s house, and you? (???)
Centífico: Then, when are you getting here bachatera (nickname I sometimes give these ladies I meet at dancing clubs).
SL: Where? (wtf? Lol)
Científico: (giving her the benefit of the doubt) Maybe something happened with the babysitter, I understand
SL: Where are you?
Científico: I’m at the mall waiting for you, for a little while
SL: I’m going to leave my kids with my mother but give me a little bit. I’ll leave around 7. No problem?

7 was one whole hour after we had initially agreed to meet. But given that I had nothing else to do, I played it cool and agreed.

Not one to waste a moment – I actually realized just what a great environment this mall was to practice some cold approach. No wonder PUAs love them! They tend to be “target rich” climate-controlled environments perfect for the winter months.

I did two approaches and opened direct for the first time in my life – one to a cute short blonde in a make-up store with lots of women.

Científico: Hey, how are you
Her: Hi!
Científico: I just thought you looked cute and wanted to say hi.
Her: *stares at me for literally 4-5 seconds*
Científico: What are you up to today?
Her: I’m sorry, I don’t understand you very well

Realizing English was not her primary language, I switched to Spanish and repeated the exact same things. It helped – but turns out her language is Portuguese

Her: Well thank you, but I’m engaged *holds up wedding ring*
Científico: Well that’s great news. I hope it works out for you 
Her: what is your name? (is she hooked or what now that she is asking me questions? lol)
Científico: I’m Científico…(may have said something else here I don’t remember)
Her: Oh okay, Obrigada!

That one went fairly well and my multi-lingual skills helped as they often do. The exact same thing happens in the next approach in the central part of the mall, to a very pretty brunette (outside of any stores, by the front doors):

Científico: Hey, how are you?
Her: Hi!
Científico: I just thought you looked cute and wanted to say hi
Her: Oh thanks!
Científico: What’s your name?
Her: I’m xxx
Científico: Where are you from?
Her: Mexico
Científico: (switching to Spanish) Oh, we can speak in Spanish then
Her: (warming up slightly) Ah, muy bien
Científico: What part of Mexico?
Her: Sonora

At this point I ask her some specific questions I know about Sonora – if she likes Banda music, if she is from Hermosillo, etc. Then I see that she was calling an Uber when I approached – I ask her if she is going to go, she says yes, tells me it was a pleasure meeting me, and walks off. Problably could have gotten a number if I had persisted before she left, but this wasn’t priority for me since I wasn’t in my home city.

At this point it’s getting close to the time my date is supposed to meet me. She texts me letting me know she is on her way, so turns out she is serious after all. I chicken out of one last approach before I see her – she is dressed casually yet still has some make up on. We meet, walk around the mall a bit chatting, take a selfie – then I propose to drive ten minutes to the bar I actually wanted to have the date in. She waffles a tiny bit (“but you are going to make me drink and I don’t want to drink!”) then agrees.

I get in her car, she drives, I direct her where to park and we walk 5 minutes to the bar. It’s exactly what I wanted – a lounge bar with dim lights. Of course as soon as we take some seats she wants a cocktail, which I pay for.
Conversation revolves around several topics. I ask her a lot about her family and history. We talk a little bit about religion since both being Caribbean it plays a big part in our families. She tells me I am intriguing – which is understandable given I have an advanced degree, many travels under my belt, and an interesting job, whereas she is just a babysitter with no education. I honestly think in these situations my background probably hurts my seduction – since it PROBLABLY hurts my attainability with these ladies that don’t have professional backgrounds, and they think of me squarely as a solid “boyfriend candidate” more than anything else. At least that is my diagnosis. I need to get better at switching topics and making things sexual and focusing less on my job, etc. Problem is, I have no idea how to do this well.

I get one more drink, then after about 45-60 mins she says she needs to go back to her kids that she left with her mother, since her mom only agreed to watch them for a short time. I told her she should come dance with me instead, and once outside, start leading her back to my hotel. I take her hand, but it unfortunately it doesn’t fit well in mine – as in, its not a solid contact, failing the comfort “test”. After about 2 minutes she realizes what is happening and starts pulling back. I try to persist a bit but she is firm in her resistance – then actually suggests I come over to her place tomorrow to hang out if I want, lol. I don’t actually take her seriously with this, and know that probably once she leaves, its over.

At this point I give in and we turn around to go back to her car. She drives me the 3 min to my hotel. I try to get her to park one last time and come in, she refuses and says I can come over tomorrow. I go for a manhandle kiss and she doesn’t resist very much – but also doesn’t kiss back. Then I let her go.

This morning I text her to see if she is serious about her idea of me coming over – of course according to whatsapp she hasn’t even viewed the messages at the time of this writing, in the afternoon. My plane leaves in a few hours anyway and Im not coming back here in the forseeable future, thus this one is dead in the water.

BUT some good things happened this trip

1.) Got a date scheduled within a short time span

AND

2.) Did some cold approaches direct for the first time in my life.

Now that I’m heading back to my home city, I can focus more on all the contacts I have going there and try to continue this momentum.

 

[Científico]

Keeping the momentum going from this week, today I went on another date with an Ecuadorian dancer I met last week at a salsa club.

Things were great setting up the date from the beginning - warm response to my icebreaker text ("you're such a great dancer!"), positive response to the scheduler text, immediate agreement with favorable logistics (albeit with a little negotiation, and she ended up picking a nice good place about 20 minutes away - I allowed it since she was driving almost an hour to see me!), warm response to my anti-flake text - everything was perfect.

Then, something weird happened - absolutely no attraction during the date. Not sure what it was. My own self-diagnosis is that for some reason, I was a little nervous when the date started and she may have picked that up. There was also poor planning on my part as she got food at the first place, and no vegan options for me so we had to go to another place and she basically watched me eat a sandwich myself while refusing any food.

We all know that females are masters at sensing even a TINY bit of weakness, which was probably showing when she first showed up at the first place. Typically I'm not like this - maybe it was the new environment, or the fact that I am recovering from a streak in which I had no dates at all for almost 2 weeks. Who the hell knows. She is certainly not even close to the hottest girl I've picked up or dated. And yet, this one was dead in the water.

Not to say that I didn't try. I invited her home for a dance lesson and tried a "yes ladder" for the first time, which flopped. After some persistence, she told me "I dont want to give you the impression I'm interested".

Ouch! How does one recover from that?

I have a lot of other dates cooking on the pipeline using the texting method in Chase's post (which is gold), including one lunch date with a vegan girl tomorrow, thus we'll see if this continues to happen. Generally though, I'm still having serious problems escalating to intimacy during dates - yet to pin down what the problem is and how I can fix it.

Yet, with this particular date there are easy problems to fix - figure out the plan and the food situation ahead of time (e.g, dont stupidly let her get food if you know you are hungry and will need to get food yourself somewhere else!) - always be in control of the situation - and for goodness sakes don't be nervous over meeting a mediocre girl!

 

[Científico]

Not letting the bad experience with the Ecuadorian get me down, I went out to salsa again last night and met several women, got 4 numbers, and made 2 invites home (both declined). Definitely vibed very well with 1 or 2 of the women whose numbers I got and got some responses to ice breaker texts. Should definitely diversify some of the sources I get quality numbers from, but salsa/bachata remains #1.

Then, this morning I had the lunch date with the vegan woman, which went well in my view. This is another date I set up using Chase's method in the "how to text" post: got phone number on Sunday, sent ice-breaker text that day (she responded quickly), sent scheduler text on Thursday. She responded in the affirmative but presented me with a choice:

Científico: Hey vegan cutie! (VC) Did you go to that belly dancing event at the cafe? Was it fun? I just got back from Boston - incredible city I always enjoy visiting. What is your schedule looking like for that bite or drink?
VC: Hey Científico - didnt end up going unfortunately. You work in XX state right?
VC: Did you check out the next book for the book club yet?

Here she doesn't answer my question of her availability, and instead throws me some more questions back. I'm starting to notice women sometimes do this to deflect, probably for multiple reasons - in this case I don't believe it was lack of interest. In my next text I push back to get things back on track:

Científico: I work in many places since my job involves travel. No, haven't checked out the book yet - maybe you can tell me about it? Does this weekend work for you?
VC: I'm working this weekend on Saturday but I don't go in til 2 pm.

Here she is clearly inviting me to ask her out for lunch. In my mind, I'm wondering if I should accept this. There are two options
1.) Accept this opening and ask her out for lunch, in which I won't be able to escalate since she is going to work afterwards, and go with the two-date strategy (informational date first, followed by second date)
2.) Don't accept and try to schedule for another day in which I can try to escalate to intimacy the same day/night

Since lately I've had little luck with same-night escalations, I decide to go with option 1. Maybe it will be a nice change to have a date in which I'm not pushing things to happen right then and there.

Of course she accepts my lunch invite (since she was expecting it), we get some logistics out of the way that night and Saturday morning, and we have a very nice lunch together. Unlike the Ecuadorian dancer from last night, with this woman the conversation flowed very much effortlessly with a lot of playful banter. Some actual chemistry here.

I make sure we split the check and get out of the lunch place on time for her to get work, and part with the two-cheek kiss. She says "keep in touch" and I tell her "of course". Will definitely go for a second date with this one during the evening - in which I will try to escalate to intimacy.

 

[Científico]

Just a few notes this lazy Sunday:

1.) Avoiding drugs, alcohol, and masturbation has been a very successful experiment thus far. Indeed, I find the nights that I avoid the alcohol and cannabis, it is much easier to avoid masturbating, and then my energy levels are much higher the subsequent morning/days, and I'm much sharper socially to perform better at work/meet women anywhere. From now on the plan is to avoid alcohol completely the nights that I am out by myself (i.e., most nights), and only let myself drink when on a date with a woman and she is also drinking. No more cannabis until further notice - that just sinks me down a rabbit hole of laziness, borderline depression, and poor social skills. Of course avoiding these things is better on my wallet and my body as well for obvious reasons. Took me until my early 30's to figure it out - but being sober is the way to go if you want to maximize success and overall health.

2.) Right now, I have two long-distance pseudo-relationships going on over Whatsapp with two girls in latin america.

i.) the woman in Mexico City I laid back in October, and just now in January, who is absolutely crazy about me and cant wait to see me again
ii.) the woman in Colombia who I met and got very sensual with (but didn't lay), in my first and only big day-game success so far. She is incredibly attractive with a killer personality.

The difference in investment on my part is stark. Both contact me regularly and initiate text exchanges, but I am WAY more emotionally dependent on messages from ii.) than from i.). I have the mexican under my thumb, but the colombian is yet "un-conquered", and any lull in texts from her make me concerned - like what has happened the past 48 hours or so. I would love to get this colombian girl to travel with me to Europe for the trip I have planned later in 2019, and have indeed mentioned it to her in one of our phone calls, but a lot can happen before this trip occurs, and I need to keep myself in check. Just giving myself a kick in the nuts here - it's completely okay if things don't work out with this woman. I will let her realize that if she does not keep initiating contact at any point, she can expect to hear from me less.

Here it's a unique situation since I am so far away I cant schedule a date with her, when she is clearly interested in one (last phone call we had on Thursday she told me I need to come visit to 'give her a massage'). Maybe in fact the best strategy is to let communication drop if she happens to lose interest in maintaining it, then coming back months down the line, when I am ready to propose a meet. I just need to realize that regardless of what I do here, success is not guaranteed, and be okay with this despite how much I want her.

3.) Some of the numbers I have are, as typical, being flaky and not really responding much to scheduler texts (after being responsive to icebreakers), or being evasive - there is a curious case of a woman right now who keeps inviting me to dance events but dodging the date requests I send. In these cases my strategy so far is phone calling - but the problem is, it has a very low success rate. Most of the time, the ladies simply do not pick up. Not sure what I could be doing here differently - I will problably start leaving voicemails - but it is better than nothing.

4.) I will likely sign up for Tawkify soon. It's a dating service in which a human matchmaker sets you up with a person that fits characteristics you give them, for a blind date. Not cheap, but I actually make decent money now and can afford it.

Interestingly, when I lived in California I got recruited from the professional app ShapR to be a non-paying matchable person, and got set up on two dates with women who were paying for the service. The first woman was attractive and actually left me a glowing review for the matchmaker, but I missed the escalation window as it was a month after I broke up with my 4-year LTR and I didnt know what I was doing - by the second date that I set up at a museum in which I hadn't even touched her, all attraction had completely dissipated. The other date I had from the service was unremarkable, and I was about to be set up with a third woman before I had to cancel it since I was moving back east.

Since I've been here, silence from these matchmakers. Time to break that up and add this back into my dating rotation. At least it is guaranteed to break up any dry spells in dates I may get - and you never know who I might meet.

 

[Científico]

An eye-opening day at work today - got feedback from my coordinator, both positive and negative, on my performance. And while I know I am doing a good job, and probably better than most people at the company with my role when they started out, I know I can do much, much better.

Same with this whole woman thing. Historically I have done well. I have already had sex in the last 10 years with more women than most guys do in lifetimes. But I want to continue - I want to get to the next level, and out of this post-relationship rut I am currently in. I want to be more confident, at work AND in relationships. And for that, I need to start mastering day game and really get those approach numbers up. Tinder, salsa, etc just will not cut it for what I want. I need to get the sheer numbers up.

The mental excuses are always numerous. I had several opportunities today I didn't take - in random places, like public transportation. Your brain really just doesn't want to do it because initially its very unpleasant. It's things like "she looks busy". "She has her earbuds in, doesn't want to talk to anyone". "It's a crowded bus/bus station". "It's dark and she wouldn't want to talk to a guy right now". Etc etc.

I finally got one in at the grocery store before the day was over - a lovely red-head, problably in her early/mid 40s. I complemented her at the check-out line and as soon as I did, another quirky gentleman joined in and also complemented her xD, thus butting into my approach. I gave the guy props afterwards for a job well done.

 

[Científico]

Well, the conclusion of this interaction with the woman I had lunch with on Saturday ended up being very uninspiring.

She responded to my post-date text, so I texted her on Tuesday, deciding to be a bit bolder than normal:

Científico: Hope you had an excellent start to your week! I had several customer visits AND a car problem, thus no time for fun
Científico: When are you free to try the xyz winery place I mentioned? Or we can just relax and cook food sometime.

I knew one of three things was going to happen
1.) She accepts
2.) She declines and friendzones me
3.) No response

What happened was 3.) – no response. A bit disappointed, today I decide to send a re-engage text spike from one of Tom Torero’s books (whose material I’ve been following lately).

Científico: VC! Did you get kidnapped? Tell them I’ll pay the ransom 
VC: At least you’ll spring for that lol

Wtf? Slightly confused, I follow up with another spike from TT:

Científico: Huh? You think I don’t “spring” for things?
Científico: My mother warned me about women like you
VC: Ok
VC: You asked to split lunch with me

Oh, she is upset I didn’t pay for lunch??? Now this is bizarre – I’ve never had a woman straight up complain about this.

Científico: (laugh/cry emoji) (I send this as I am literally laughing).
Científico: I think it’s a clash of civilizations between you and me
Científico: The age old question of wether or not to pay for lunch
VC: It’s not a question
VC: And it’s only a question with millennials

I found out during the date she was a bit older (at least late 30s, maybe early 40s), which is why she is saying this – she knows I am younger.

I ponder what to do about this. To have a woman straight up complain about not getting a free meal is very entitled – I would never, ever date a woman like this. But my goal is to get laid, not to get into a relationship. Thus, I attempt to get her out again:

Científico: I mean, you are very cute and all – maybe that’s why I had no way of knowing you came out of a time portal from another era
Científico: Tell you what – xyz winery is on me if you play your cards right . You free this weekend?

No response. Thus, this one is dead.

Like I mentioned, I’ve been following Tom Torero’s material lately – I like how he clearly explains the difference between male and female communication, and how to communicate with a female you are attracted to and want to seduce requires breaking rapport and teasing (or so called “spiking”) rather than building comfort and asking questions. I instinctively do the latter rather than the former and it’s a very hard habit to break – but at least within the last couple of days TT’s material has made me aware of it. I mean, her going out with a younger guy? There are ton's of ways to tease a woman about this!

She was very fun during the date, and she made the teasing a bit easier. But I could have done much better – it’s likely that accepting the date on HER terms, plus my lack of effectively building sexual tension, put me in the “provider” role – and that is in fact what she may be looking for, primarily. Thus my follow up texting was uncalibrated with what she saw during the date.

This is my diagnosis, anyway.

Was at a happy hour for latinos today with good music playing and lots of attractive females, and I witnessed myself doing a lot of comfort and not a lot of spiking and tension building. The dancing game gets women interested initially, and gets me numbers, but only gets me so far and still leads to a high flake rate – I need to couple it with GOOD conversational skills to get to the level I want to be. I plan to go on a serious daygame mission this weekend to try to hone my skills in this area.

 

[Científico]

Friday I had what was easily the worst day I have ever had at this new job - made mistakes, and had a conflict with a co-worker - which is going to have repercussions on Monday that I am not looking forward to dealing with.

I went home last night and started drinking and engaging in other destructive behaviors, thus today I felt like crap. Had a plan to go on a day-game mission and bang out at least 5 approaches, then to a meetup/happy hour to do some "warm" approaches.

Due to my negative state, I didn't even get out a single approach. The anti-approach weasel kept telling me "How are you going to pick up a woman when you feel like such garbage?" I believed him.

Still went to the happy hour and flexed my social muscles a bit, and got the number of a sexy Brasileira that was there before heading home early. Thus the night wasn't a complete waste.

As I was swiping on Tinder just to pass the time on the way home, I matched with a cute woman my age that instantly started messaging me back after I sent out the initial message. I had a date set up with her for tomorrow night within 30 minutes. Sometimes Tinder makes things easier, when I am lucky enough to get a decent match. Probably could have even gone for the date TONIGHT - but just too damn tired. Will focus on sleeping tonight, working out tomorrow to get myself in a more positive state before I go on a date.

Looking forward for this current storm to blow over. There is nothing worse than problems in my professional life - which have been few and far between since I got into my current industry. Let's hope it stays that way.

 

[ElderPrice]

The weasel was right that approaching was going to be very ineffective in such a negative state. As long as those states are pretty rare, it's perfectly okay to take a day off from approaching in order to recover. But what I would do in that situation would be instead of going out to approach, I would go out to do something fun. The fun activity will boost your mood, and you can still approach anyone you see at that new venue. You may be able to kill two birds with one stone - have fun and approach.

 

[Científico]

Tinder date went well, better the previous dates I've had lately - only because this time I focused on utilizing some physical and verbal sexual escalation. Still was NOT able to extract her back home, which is very unfortunate, but I think I got very close this time.

This woman lives about 40 minutes away. Initially when I was trying to set up the date, I attempted to get her to agree to come to my part of town so I could easily pull her back to my place - she playfully complained about it being too far. Thus I then selected a bar midway between where we lived and she agreed. Only about 20 minutes away from my place, thus a pull home wouldnt be that big of a deal. This is possibly mistake #1 however - I think its much better to have the woman travel, invest, and let her know who is boss from the start. In the future I might try pushing back and see if I can get the woman to agree to the best logistics, before giving in.

I pick out a place for us at the bar where we can sit side-by-side (I realize now just how critical this is for physical escalation). She arrives and is immediately very happy and flirty - I greet with with a cheek-kiss and I can tell she is happy to be there. Face is cute and is exactly like in the pictures - body has a few more pounds that what her pictures let on, but still not a big deal in my book. Definitely a woman I wanted to screw.

There are several points in the conversation where I escalate verbally. I comment that the bar is playing a lot of classic rock that I used to listen to in my teenage years, when I had a lot of "teenage angst and horniness". I then comment that I still have the horniness, just "a little bit more refined". I also get her to talk about how she used to go sailing as a teenager - I ask her about the "sex, drugs, and alcohol" she used to do on the boats - she comments she did but playfully refuses to divulge any details. Both times I can tell she intrigued, and slightly surprised, that I am talking about sex so openly - but of course this is working in my favor.

Another moment is when I correctly guess that she has read "50 Shades of Gray" and I comment about how this is "female porn". I ask her to talk about this book and she does, spending several minutes talking about the plot and why it stimulates her - I tell her this book is "the female sexual fantasy". She playfully hits me (physical escalation) and asks me why I think this is.

I also at one point say "I'm not looking for sex - I'm looking for good sex". She is a bit taken back "I just met you....". Possibly a bit too direct? But nonetheless, the frame of me as a sexual person is established.

The entire time I am also touching her, her legs, shoulder, hair, etc. I tell her she has nice eyes as I am caressing her hands, and it goes silent for a moment. I touch her face, and earrings, and ask where she got them. Things like this.

So, this is the first date in a while where I do both the physical and verbal escalation, much better than in previous times.

After I finish my second beer (stout that I got in a four ounce snifter, whereas she declined a second wine glass), I go for the pull:

Científico: Well, I think you've had fun talking to me yes?
Her: Yes
Científico: And I think the night is too young to end now yes?
Her: Sure
Científico: Then let's go back to my place where I can put on some good music and I can teach you how to dance
Her: I dont know if we can do that tonight, its Sunday...

Somewhere in this exchange I show my lack of resolve and actually let this fall into silence for a bit while I ask for the check - big mistake (#2)? I let my frame slip in the face of her resistance. I pick it up again:

Científico: It's pretty early, and it doesn't have to be a long lesson
Her: (throws her arms around me and gets her face close to mine) ermmm.....You are so cute...and I'm really tempted....but I really don't think I can

At this point I have paid the tab, and grab her hand and tell her "lets go" - leading her back to my car. As soon as we are outside the bar she stops me in my tracks and says "not tonight". Then she gets her face in very close to mine, clearly asking to be kissed. I oblige (mistake #3?). I LOVE kissing women, but I constantly feel as if I need to stop doing it in public, especially when they want it.

She is a great kisser. Then she says "keep in touch" and walks off, while I say "see you next time".

Just like that, she is gone.

I didn't bother sending a post-date text - she clearly likes me, and she knows I like her - I will just text her tomorrow or Tuesday and try to get her out again.

Meanwhile, I sent 8 scheduler texts today to all the numbers I acquired the past week - 2 have responded at the time of this writing - the sexy brasileira from yesterday who says we should go out dancing next weekend (will try to get her out for drinks instead - dancing is not an optimal date), and a short Guatemalan woman who approached me on thursday at the latino happy hour after she saw me dancing, who has already agreed to a date on Friday.

Tomorrow is Monday, and I get to deal with my work issues. Good thing I had some time this weekend to recover.

 

[ElderPrice]

Científico: Well, I think you've had fun talking to me yes?
Her: Yes
Científico: And I think the night is too young to end now yes?
Her: Sure
Científico: Then let's go back to my place where I can put on some good music and I can teach you how to dance
Her: I dont know if we can do that tonight, its Sunday...

If this is exactly how your pull attempt went, in my opinion it doesn't sound smooth. It reads as very obvious what you're asking for. Try coming up with a phrasing that doesn't include the words "back to my place" and includes a lot more window dressing.

I like variations of this for starters:
"I know a place nearby where the drinks are cheap, the music is good, and yet it's quiet enough to have a conversation."

As for adding window dressing, in your case I would have gone into a lot more detail for why she should come over to listen to music and dance. Like, what would you say to a lazy, introverted buddy of yours if you really wanted him to come over to join you in listening to music? You wouldn't just say "come over and listen to music." You'd say something like "hey man, there's a few songs I want to show you since we were talking about killer guitar riffs the other day. A co-worker gave me this old CD with some amazing stuff on it I really think you'd like. The CD is at my place. Come on over and have a listen, and yes we will be listening on my brand new speakers, then we can leave and grab a bite. What do you say?" See what I'm getting at?

 

[Científico]

If this is exactly how your pull attempt went, in my opinion it doesn't sound smooth. It reads as very obvious what you're asking for. Try coming up with a phrasing that doesn't include the words "back to my place" and includes a lot more window dressing.

I like variations of this for starters:
"I know a place nearby where the drinks are cheap, the music is good, and yet it's quiet enough to have a conversation."

As for adding window dressing, in your case I would have gone into a lot more detail for why she should come over to listen to music and dance. Like, what would you say to a lazy, introverted buddy of yours if you really wanted him to come over to join you in listening to music? You wouldn't just say "come over and listen to music." You'd say something like "hey man, there's a few songs I want to show you since we were talking about killer guitar riffs the other day. A co-worker gave me this old CD with some amazing stuff on it I really think you'd like. The CD is at my place. Come on over and have a listen, and yes we will be listening on my brand new speakers, then we can leave and grab a bite. What do you say?" See what I'm getting at?

I do, thank you for the valuable feedback. Indeed I know enough about musical artists when it comes to latin music that I can easily cover my bases this way with this "window dressing". It certainly cannot hurt. Will keep this in mind for next time.

 

[Científico]

So, I'm out of my post-Friday blues and feeling much better after a positive experience working today at another customer site. I hope to carry this momentum into the weekend. A few topics to mention in this post.

Surprisingly (or perhaps not surprising at all), Tinder girl has not responded to my last text trying to set up a new date! I realized this may happen after about 1-2 hours she didn't respond last night, compared to her typical keen messages the day before. Now it's been 24 hours and still nothing. It stung for a few hours before I shook it off. I might try a re-engage text or a phone call at some point but don't have high hopes.

My diagnosis? Probably overly keen, and over-escalation with the sex talk driving her into auto-rejection (after I didn't close the deal). My dates with the Ecuadorian dancer, and possibly the vegan, were both me going for too much comfort/friend vibe - this time, it was problably too much sex talk and un-smoothness, like my friend Elderprice describes above. I need to find the happy medium, which I know will depend on the girl and the situation. Problably for now, too much is better than too little. But I want to reach the best possible calibration - will try toning down the sex talk 40% and keep the physical escalation the same.

Nonetheless, the weekend is looking good if everything pans out -

Guatemalan has agreed to a date on Friday (I'm wondering if I should ping her with something in the meantime to keep the conversation going since the date is still a few days away - maybe tomorrow I will ask her what kind of wine she likes)

Sexy Brasileira has tentatively agreed to a date Saturday, and we are actively pinging each other right now. Her pattern is she takes about 12-18 hours to respond to a text, which is totally fine - I am mirroring the pattern as we set up the plan for this date.

She is very keen to go dancing, which isn't my preferred first date (crowded, competition from other men, etc), but there are at least three examples off the top of my head from my early 20's dating/seducing days where I either fucked a girl (once) or had good opportunities (when the girl was ready for sex) that I fucked up due to no escalation (twice), where the girl was in my car, or at my place, after dancing dates. Thus I'm willing to try this with her and I have a logistical plan in my head already, involving the dance place as a second venue, that I will detail in a future post, if this date happens.

If anything, looking forward to getting some proper daygame in this weekend - it's been too long and I am still scratching the surface.

 

[Científico]

Wrapped up a very nice week at work today, thus carrying some positive energy into the weekend. Sexy Brasileira flaked for Saturday but she responded in a flirty way to my "No Worries" text, so I'll ping her again in a week or two. Guatemalan was responding positively up until asking me what time we want to meet tomorrow - then no response after I suggested the time. Lol, I love the games women play.

Today I went out on a mini-late afternoon/early evening daygame mission in my local neighborhood and did 6 approaches. Here are the stats:
- 2 total blowouts (girl ignores me)
- 1 where she hooks and tells me she is married, and refuses to give out number
- 1 where woman is happy I complemented her but says she is engaged, ejects from the set
- 1 where Korean girl hooks, gives out number
- 1 Instant coffee date with a Russian/Jewish girl (got number)

Not too fucking bad!! Especially compared to the last time I did six approaches a week or two ago, where it was 5 blowouts and 1 semi-hook but no number. Its clear that daygame works, and it's actually pretty fun. Will be doing some more tomorrow and into the weekend.

 

[Científico]

Today outside it is cold, wet, and gray - very suboptimal daygaming conditions. Got 2 daygame sets out and hit on a few cashiers too while I was running some errands, but to no avail. I was not on point. And to top it all off, guatemalteca looks like she is flaking today too - still no contact from her even after I sent her an anti-flake text an hour ago just confirming the time. It is really weird - she seemed so on when I met her and during the texting, up until about 48 hours ago she just vanished.

Now I finally get a text less than an hour before she is supposed to meet me, saying she had a mishap and asking to reschedule. I suppose it could be true. But it leaves me date-less this weekend.

Both numbers from yesterday have flaked as well. What to do other than to brush it off and get back on the horse? Luckily my city always has fun social things going on in the weekend evenings. Today I'll do a german language happy hour and some dancing.

I'm not sure if my flake rate is higher than average? I only started keeping proper data on the 27th of Feb, but once I get a big sample I'll post it on the board and seek feedback - will likely take several months.

 

[Científico]

Man, what a wild ride yesterday was - it was a ridiculous learning experience in terms of social interaction, the power of daygame, and frame control.

The basic plan for yesterday was this: Go out on a daygame mission and do 10 approaches, before going to the language exchange happy hour (where people go to practice speaking languages other than English), and then the possibility of closing the night at a local bar with some latin music.

I end up on an instant-date with a cute mexicana from daygame (approach #9). She was very friendly, receptive to my touch but there was a clear limit. I could have been wrong, but sensed that she was not same-day-lay material. And anyway, I couldn't get her into the venue I wanted due to her forgetting her ID. Sent her on her way (likely mistake - was seriously questioning myself after doing this) instead of continuing the interaction, but have a date tentatively scheduled for Tuesday.

Later on, I extract a very pretty pakistini/kurdish early 20s woman from the happy hour I was at to the second venue with latin music who was happy to come with, although we went with a group of people initially (at my leadership). Then we were one-on-one for a while at the bar. There was plenty of sex talk and some physical escalation, but likely not enough for her at that moment - somehow I lost the frame and she told me she had to meet up with her sister that was texting her. The basic pattern was this.

Her: Hey, my sister is texting me and I have to leave in 30 min to meet her
Me: Why? Just tell her to come here.
Her: But she hates this place

Eventually I let her go. I suspect I got a little bit too drunk and perhaps offered her one too many drinks, and probably other subtle things went out the window with the large amount of alcohol I consumed. Overall I think I needed to be more polarizing - more sexual, especially if I've got her at the bar with me. I think I missed my escalation window at some point. Texted her but the chances of me getting her out are probably null.

Things to work on:

1.) Need to be even better at leading and knowing what I want. What was the point of the instant date with the mexicana? Was I actually going for the same-day lay or just grabbing her number for later? Strategy was incongruent here.

2.) Need to work at frame control. Did my actions at the second venue with the middle eastern girl match the goal of the interaction (get her to bed?). Looking back, I think I was too sloppy with the alcohol, not enough escalation and moving forward. Somehow my brain thought "it's too early to try to close", when it almost certainly was not.

3.) Again, why so much alcohol? Sometimes I get in a state where I just want to keep drinking, and its rough on my wallet, and my overall pulling ability. Last night it was costly.

Moving forward - have dates tentatively scheduled for Monday (Kazach girl from happy hour), Tuesday (Mexicana from DayGame), and Wednesday (girl from Bumble app).

 

[Científico]

Had a very poor nights sleep last night, probably related to the fact that I was a lazy bag of douche yesterday nursing my hangover and didn't exercise or move much. Also been battling a throat bug. Luckily today I had a work-from-home day, did a tiny bit of lifting, a little bit of napping, and I think tomorrow I will be at 100% again. Its so fucking nuts that ONE bad night of drinking can affect me for 48 hours these days!! It's just not worth it anymore - I must keep reminding myself to set limits.

However, today it was warm outside - spring is coming and it will be here very, very soon. Indeed, my first daygame spring.

Kazach girl from happy hour did not flake for today's coffee date, even though I thought it was likely after she didn't respond to the anti-flake text. She just showed up anyway, and I was surprised to see her there to be honest. Just goes to show you you should assume the date is still on even if the girl is being weird about responding to texts. Logistics were perfect for a bounce back home. And there was a lot of banter - she certainly feigned a lot of pseudo-outrage to my sexual spikes during the date, and my multiple references to Borat. She said she liked documentaries, and after seeding Cosmos as a good documentary she had never seen before, I eventually suggested the bounce back home "why dont we go back to watch one episode? It's only 30 minutes".

It seemed like she considered it for a few minutes, but deflected the request by moving to a related topic without answering the question. When I brought it up again a few minutes later, she declined, and it was downhill from there.

I often go back and forth in my brain if its optimal to simply LEAD the girl back home (as in, we are going to Disneyland! you'll love it *take hand*) or asking direct (why don't we go back to mine and watch that documentary you like?) Which has a higher chance of success? I've heard multiple schools of thought on this, and have mainly done the latter rather than the former.

With this particular woman, I don't care that much. She is just barely over the threshold of attractiveness for a woman I would consider banging, and the date with her was a warmup for the main event this week:

This is likely Guatemalteca, who I rescheduled the date with yesterday over the phone (in brief: she called on Saturday and asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her and her friends, apologizing for flaking earlier. I told her I was busy, but then called her yesterday to reschedule our original date for later this week). With her, the sexy vibe is strong, and has been since I met her - she approached me after she saw me dancing at that latino happy hour, introduced me to her friends, put her hand on my leg while sitting next to me, etc.

Thus, one date down - potentially three to go this week. Mexicana from Daygame is suddenly not responding to texts, so high chance of a flake tomorrow. Bumble girl for Wednesday may still be on, and will set up a time via text tomorrow. Then Guatemalteca Thursday. Will try to close a few more loops during the week also from previous weeks, then hit the streets over the weekend for more prospects.

 

[ElderPrice]

Nice job having all those consecutive dates lined up!

Meh, I don't know how much I'd worry about your leading question at this time. In situations like this, I always try to remember common-sense, fundamental aspects about dating. In this case: if she really wanted to go home with you, she would have said yes. Similarly, you could word that pull any way you want, but if she's not super excited about you then your odds of making the pull are probably the same regardless of which way you go, give or take a tiny percentage or two.

If she agrees to a second date, then she likes you and you're fine. If she resisted your pull and isn't interested in a second date, then she probably just didn't like you a whole lot. Oh well. Have you tried experimenting with just inviting girls straight over for date #1? I'd be curious to see how your success rate compares to that vs. going the route of going out on dates before making the pull.

 

[Científico]

A couple of thoughts to mention for this post

1.) The big topic for today - now is the time to mention another lead I was trying to 'close-the-loop' with this week - an incredibly sexy vegan restaurant owner who I number closed last month while she was working, by explicitly mentioning we should get a drink and having her write her cell phone number on the back of her business card. Indeed, her business card she originally gave me didn't even have her cell on it - I took the phrase "do you have a more direct line? I dont want to bother you at work" directly from Chase's book, and it worked.

I was very pleased at this number close, as she is probably one of the sexiest, most attractive women I have number closed this year (maybe not THE sexiest, that honor may be reserved for the colombian I went on the insta-date with in Boston, but top 3 for sure). Something about her just screamed sex to me. I don't know how a woman can make delivering food sexy, but she accomplished it.

And yet, every single time I sent a scheduler text, she deflected, albeit in a semi-flirty way. First two, she said she was sick, which is understandable. The third one was more of a true deflection, as she wrote (last week):

Good morning, I'm glad to hear you are back safe and sound from your travels. I still have the occasional cough here and there, but for the most part, I am feeling much better. There's a couple of vegan charity events/meetups that will require a lot of my time and attention this month. Maybe we can grab a drink or two when my business is much more of a well oiled machine. We'll keep in touch until then?

I responded to this telling her about how it looked like a well oiled operation when I visited, and that I'll be in touch, and she reciprocated. Then I actually fell out of contact for over a week - this is the third time she had denied a date request, with an excuse that seemed a bit weird, thus she fell on the back-burner despite how incredibly hot she is. I almost sent her a "ball in your court" text but decided against it - I hate doing this with women I explicitly want to keep the ball in my court with, who I consider higher value.

Today I decided to try again, 11 days later, this time with a phone call. I considered two possibilities:

i.) She answers and engages in conversation (had the convo prepared)
ii.) She does not answer (had a voicemail prepared)

What happened in fact was different:

Sexy Vegan (SV): Hello?
Científico: hello SV, how are you? This is Científico
SV: Okay, and where are you calling from?
Científico: *confused* My cell phone?
*pause*
SV: Okay, I'm actually at the gym right now, can I call you back in a little bit?
Científico: Well - I am actually going somewhere in about half an hour. If you are done in that time, that could work, otherwise we can try again another time.
SV: Sounds good. Have a good night!

As soon as I hung up I knew I had failed. No spiking, no teasing, nothing to let her know what I wanted. I had failed to consider the possibility that she would pick up but not remember who I was (just like when I walked into the vegan place last month, she initially thought I was some kind of business call), or quickly try to exit the conversation, and I was going to have to redirect right then and there. So many ways I could have redirected or taken ownership of the conversation, but I just let it die because I couldn't recover from the initial awkwardness. Totally awful.

I contemplated how to try to recover. I ended up sending a few texts about 10-15 minutes later:

Científico: Enjoy your workout. Good to see you are maintaining a well-oiled operation in other areas too
Científico: I'll give you a call a little later - would love to catch up, and check your schedule for that drink we've been discussing.

That first text is what I should have said on the phone, but failed. No answer at the time of this writing. Current plan is to try again with another phone call within the week, but I do not like my chances.


2.) Mexicana from Daygame didnt answer my last text for almost 48 hours - I thought she was a sure flake for tonight's date. Then she did something extraordinary. First she "liked" my previous messages on iMessage, and sent some flirty emoticon-full texts confirming the time for tonight. 20 MINUTES LATER, before I even answer, she then says something came up at work and couldn't make it, asking to reschedule. LOL. I could only laugh at how ridiculous it was. My current message trying to reschedule for this weekend sits unanswered.


3.) Bumble girl said she was sick for tomorrow and we rescheduled for Friday. Texts are flirty, so I like my chances thus far, despite the delay. Wont ping Guatemalteca until Thursday. Assuming this date is on now - my instinct tells me all I need is an anti-flake text the day of.


4.) Finally, I actually did check out a salsa/bachata/zouk night tonight - first dancing event in a while. Learned that its possible to over-tease a girl and have the opposite of its intended effect, especially when its uncalibrated and in front of her friends - this girl wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. So that was a failed experiment. Got a nice number close from a friendly girl of turkish origin there, and the Argentinian I mentioned in the beginning of this journal was there also, and in fact very friendly - asking me to dance several times - almost made me want to re-initiate. But something tells me it's an act.

 

[Científico]

Another Friday in which I'm recovering from a stressful and busy week at work. The high stress started a little over 2 weeks ago - I can even trace it to the day. Since then I've made a few substantial mistakes and had several "teaching moments" on the job, from which I am still recovering. I am attempting to do my best this weekend not to let it bother me.

Thankfully, they are all different mistakes and I am learning from each one. If I were repeating the same mistake - then I would be very, very concerned.

It's a very stressful time right now, right now all work related. This isn't even the right forum to talk about this, but of course high stress = diminished ability to pick up women. Will exercise, and attempt daygame anyway. Way better than staying in dwelling on it.