Two months. I’ve been meaning to make this update for so long but the longer I’ve put it off the more likely I’ve been to put it off again since it gets longer and longer. To say a lot has happened has been an understatement. I’ll get to the girl part in a minute but first, some major things that have been happening in my life outside of the realm of women (although some still relate to women):
Life:
- I purchased a property. My parents were selling their investment property (a little one bedroom) by the beach (and close to one of my favourite spots) and after a lot of deliberation and combing through my finances I have decided to purchase. Obviously this is a huge deal. It marks my entry into the property market, but also has forced me to really get smart about my finances once and for all. I created a few budgeting programs of my own (none of the apps out there did what I wanted) so that every week I can easily work out exactly how much I am saving (taking into account all other factors such as yearly expenses etc). One of my biggest concerns of course was locking me into my current city, and then limited options in the future regarding travel. But this was a good opportunity (with prices being low and interest rates looking to peak, so hopefully from now prices will increase and interest rates will lower – good for me), and I can always sell later if I desire. Logistics wise the place is great – it is right by the beach so during summer will be no shortage of hot tourists floating around. And it’s still pretty close to the city. I’ll be moving later in the year.
- I picked up a second job teaching kids about programming as part of after school classes. I found this when I was looking for higher paid jobs in my field. For some extra cash, but honestly the money was a small part (in fact the money’s not that great and there are more efficient ways to make money). I’ve been curious about teaching for a while, thought I’d be good at it, and wanted to have the experience. Had my first class last week (shadowing another instructor) with a bunch of 8-12 year olds. They start asking my age and guess I’m 18, lol. When I told them 30 they were long “you look young”. Yay, validation from kids. It was a fun and educational experience, especially learning how to be an authority figure. We’ll see how long I stick with it.
- Dancing. I started dancing Bachata again. I’d started in Jan last year and was good at it, but stopped when I got into the relo (since the primary reason I was doing it was to meet sexy women). And damn are there some sexy women in the classes. But I actually find them intimidating. Most of the sexiest ones are from overseas (South America, Europe). And these women are different. I don’t have as much experience with them – I mainly have experience with Australian girls across the spectrum from shy introverts to bubbly extroverts. But these girls, there’s something about them. They’re very confident, self assured (at least they come across that way). And I feel a bit out of my element. It’s a good thing. And I can tell they do find my physically appealing in some way (I’ve noticed the way they look at me when we dance – they’re not shy but they look me in the eyes with a cheeky sexy look). But I’ve been completely retarded – I come to the class and leave, and rarely have the balls to go up and just chat and get to know them. I’ve approached hundreds of women and yet in a social environment like this, I’m too pussy to talk to them. I’ve noticed I do this in most social circle environments actually. In some ways I’m more comfortable with cold approach because you’ll never see those women again. When it comes to people you will see again, any fuckup or awkward moment stays with you. Not all the time, I’ve made moves on girls in social circles recently, but that’s overwhelmingly not the case. But I digress. As a result, I’m a month in and a loner in these classes, while other people have groups they practice with. I’ve got to make more of an effort to talk and engage with others. I will note that I have tried engaging with others (girls and guys) and they’ve been friendly, but I don’t get the feeling they’re really interested in becoming friends or getting to know me more.
- Music. I’ve been playing a lot more piano lately again. My focus is on making music – I find it very hard though since I’m a perfectionist. But I just have to focus on sitting down, actually completing a song by a certain date and worrying about tidying it up/improving it later. Otherwise I’ll forever be stuck in the unfinished phase. DJing – haven’t really given it much attention lately, I only bring out the decks when there’s a party but I don’t put in the time and attention it deserves in order to be really good. With everything else going on it has been lower on the list of priorities.
- Exercise. Has become much more critical. I notice if I don’t work out for a sizable amount of times, I start feeling creaks in my body and become more injury prone. Working out used to be for aesthetics, but now I need it so I don’t break down. I’ve come to love the feeling of getting stronger because of what it means (less injuries, feeling more full and alive). The aesthetics can’t be discounted though. I am keenly aware of how differently I am treated based on how I look. If I work out 5 days in a row (and am eating a lot in order to sustain this growth), I have a fullness that is hard to describe. I look younger and fitter and see a noticeable uptick in glances and improvement in my interactions with women (especially younger women).
When I get busy or injured (which unfortunately has happened – injured my shoulder doing handstands and was out for a bit) and can’t work out for a while, I notice I start to look smaller, my frame looks smaller, I look older (not in a good way. Imagine the difference between Christian Bale in Batman vs the Machinist). The difference is quite drastic, especially in nightclubs where women just dismiss or treat me really badly when I’m in this state. Whereas when I’ve been working out, my frame is stronger, it improves my social frame considerably and I feel part of the world – and the girls treat me as such. Nutrition plays a big part in this – I find when eating lower carbs this tends to happen, but increase carbs too much and I start to bloat which also doesn’t look good. I find a refeed strategy tends to work best, where most of the time I don’t eat many carbs but one/two days a week I’ll go nuts, eating much more than I’m comfortable with.
- AI and Tech. I’ve more and more just started owning that this is a big part of my life and always will be. I’m a geek, I love tech, I love playing with it, and I love seeing where we can take it. I’ve been playing around with AI a lot over the last couple of months, and it has helped me in my job and personal life. Make no mistake though, this isn’t just a hobby. It’s one of my few interests that could be truly lucrative if I find the right niche. The more I play with these tools and understand their capabilities, the more I will be able to find new and interesting use cases for them that could be used to generate additional sources of income.
Girls:
Nightgame;
I have definitely seen improvement over the last couple of months. Two notable interactions (one FR and one LR from back to back weeks) I’ve detailed here:
FR: Beautiful short brunette, missed escalation window but not sure what I should have done.
LR: Gorgeous brunette off the dancefloor (Nightgame)
Some other notable interactions from that I haven’t detailed before:
- 20yo attempted pull to bathroom: I was dancing and vibing when this sexy short and tight chick starts walking past me. I turn around and she’s stopped right in front of me. I think she wants to pass but she’s not moving. I don’t remember what was discussed but we’re soon in each others arms making out. I lead her off the dance floor to a couch and we’re side by side. We’re making out, she starts licking my ear and biting/licking my neck. I find out logistics, she is with a friend and they’re only in my city for the weekend. She didn’t want to abandon her friend in a different city when I suggested going home. I then suggested we go to the bathroom, but pretty clumsily. To which she responded “I’m comfortable here”. And then I brought out this doozy. “I’d be more comfortable over there. Let’s go”. She refused and wanted to stay, then asking if she could climb on top of me. On the couch in the middle of the club. I said no but kept making out. She asked how old I was. When I said 30 she went silent for a bit then asked “I’m 20. Does that bother you?”
I shrugged. “I used to just date people my own age. A couple of years ago I went out with some younger girls and I was being weird and judgy about it when they were open and wanting to connect. I realized that it was a bit silly to limit myself and it opened my mind. She said “That makes sense” and continued making out. Later on her friend appeared and was looking at us. She was chatting with another hot blonde who was looking at me and smiling (and it wasn’t a platonic smile..)
Eventually the friend wanted to leave. She wanted my Instagram but I deflected with the “I used to have it but used it too much so don’t anymore.” Number closed instead. But since she was there for the weekend only and had plans with her friends the other nights I didn’t text.
2. I meet a girl who rejected me once, on meeting again she seems highly interested but I fumble it. We first met at a club while she was sitting down. I was leaving and so chatted to her for 5 minutes, suggested a date which she enthusiastically agreed to, then number closed. She didn’t respond to my icebreaker, when I followed up she said she’d recently gotten out of a relationship. I responded:“Ah bummer ☹ Breakups are always tought”“It was a fun convo. If you ever feel up to it, you’ve got my number” and she thanked me for understanding.
A month later, I go in to another club with a friend and start enthusiastically dancing with a group as soon as we arrive. One of the girls then goes “Oh my god, Beam??”
I don’t recognize her but after a short while it clicks. It was the girl. This time she was enthusiastic. My non-neediness at her text must have increased attraction. But there was a problem. Her annoying friend. Kept coming up and pulling her away from me. I would just go back in like nothing happened and my girl clearly wanted the interaction to keep going. I tried to isolate to stop it happening but my girl said “I’d love to but this is a girls night, I can’t right now”. I stayed in the interaction. The second time the annoying friend had pulled her away, another one of her friends came to me and said “Keep going! Ignore X (the annoying friend).”
However, after I shit you not, the FIFTH time her annoying ass friend pulled her away from me (come on, can’t you see she’s enjoying the time with me you annoying bat) I told her “look, I want to get to know you more but it’s hard when we keep getting interrupted. I already have your number. Lets text and actually go out for a drink, just us. How does that sound?”. She seemed genuine when she said “yes, lets!”. On the way out I took her annoying friends hand and spun her around with a smile. I was trying to show I wasn’t bitter.
However, the next day I texted saying it was great seeing her again and how small the world was, and again she didn’t respond. I sent a ☹ smiley two days later which she then responded saying it was a small world but also that now she’s had time to reflect a bit since we first met, she wanted to let me know that she didn’t see anything happening between us. And that I seemed like a fun person and not to be a stranger if we ran into each other again.
3. HBMcLovin. Thursday night, I’ve leaving the venue when I see a sexy chick with glasses. I go back and start talking to her in the smokers area. We’re chatting for a good 20 minutes. Revealed that because of her surname she got called McLovin in school (it’s not McLovin but sounds similar) I notice her friend sort of hanging there. They were out for another friends birthday. I wanted to get back so I’d be good the next morning, so number closed. She was responsive over text and we set up a date for Saturday, but she didn’t respond to a question I had. The next week she reengages apologizing and saying she came down with the flu and saying she was keen to meet up. We had a date Friday, bounced to two venues (made out), it was early and she was a night owl so I suggested going back to mine to watch a movie. She said she doesn’t usually go back the first night but would if we watched Harry Potter. She was hungry so we grabbed pizza, went back, started watching the movie. Got into the movie and so failed to make a move, started getting drowsy. She mentioned she was getting a headache from the alcohol and she might not be able to get through the rest of the movie. She left, but before she did we made out heavily. Texted the next day saying I had fun, she responded a couple hours later saying she did too and that she had a migraine all day. I responded to that a couple hours later but she hasn’t responded. This was yesterday.
I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t you make a move. Well, the moment wasn’t there and there wasn’t a moment where I thought “ah, nows the time I should be kissing her”. I was closing the distance between us on the couch, but she wasn’t really reciprocating, and felt like she was even pulling away. Felt strange. The makeout in the bar wasn’t that good either. And then the drowsiness came.
Still, it’s on me. I relied on physical proximity and eye contact to express my desire, but didn’t really use second gen verbals or any other methods that aroused genuine desire in her. I was creating no space for her to chase. This is a common pattern of mine actually.
I don’t know if I’ll see her again. I genuinely don’t care. This is something that’s also come about lately, a sort of abundance mindset where the loss of any one girl doesn’t really phase me too much. Obviously it’s a little disappointing but more as a “damn, I know better and should have been able to navigate that situation to sex” but I don’t lose sleep over it or anything.
General thoughts on NG
After my lay, rather than motivating me to continue working harder, I actually became less motivated about NG. Maybe I wanted to coast on the achievement for a while, or maybe it’s something else. That night we got done at 6am and I felt like shit the next day. Gold, who regularly sleeps with new chicks, is usually going till 6am and then sleeps most of the next day. I asked myself, is it actually worth it? I like sex but I like having my weekends too. And more importantly, as I’ve been getting older I’ve started valuing sleep a hell of a lot more now too. Just last night when I was out with Gold, there were girls that I could have talked to but I just CBF and wanted to sleep. This is either a cope (if the girls were all over me I’d probably forget about being tired pretty damn quick) or it’s just me shifting priorities. It does worry me though. I don’t really want to be valuing sleep over women, at least not now when I’m still kind of young. I want to have the energy and vitality to keep going all night. Because it’s only through massive action that later I can become more efficient and then get the best of both worlds (sleep and also the ability to go out and pick up women from nightclubs if I so choose. But right now while still getting experience I need the action, but I can feel the steam leaving the engine).
Something else I realized after the lay (which I got when rolling solo), was just how much hanging out with Gold and the others sapped away at my self confidence around chicks. The guys in the chat had suggested rolling solo again because seeing Gold and the others winning would always make me think I was losing, and it’s true. When I’m doing my own thing, in my own environment, I’m so much more self-confident. When I’m with Gold and Stache, I turn into a hollow shell of myself (because I’m inevitably comparing myself to them). Seeing them win so much while I don’t does wear away at you over time. Doesn’t help that Stache keeps now giving me basic advice as if I’m a total noob, because he’s noticed I don’t pull as much.
Also, when I hang out with them I’m in their turf. Well, Golds turf. He likes hanging out in proper dance clubs. I love the music, but the competition is stiff. All the guys have great fashion (a lot of black guys who look like Pop Smoke (RIP) and are aggressive with the women. And I still get brutally rejected a lot. I’m good looking, but I would say more in a classical sense. Whereas most of the people in these clubs look like your typical influencers. Flashy, showy. Like Gold. I’m not like that so probably other myself on some level. Should point out that like I mentioned above, if I’m consistently lifting and have that size and fullness to me, the difference in I’m treated in these environments is dramatically different (though still not on the same level as Gold)
The thing is, my look as is tends to attract classically beautiful girls who aren’t part of these environments. And I’m more attracted to those girls as opposed to the hot flashy club types. So I’m weary of tailoring myself to the club girls and alienating the classical girls who like me as I am now. The club girls are really hot but I’ve gotta ask myself, how much am I willing to sacrifice for them?
Oh. something else funny that happened. I ran into the guy who put me in a headlock on NYE. So I'm at a club with gold, we lock eyes and smile. Start chatting. I say "It's good we're cool now man".
He goes "What" and then I explain what happened.
"Oh shit, that was you?"
"Sorry man, I was super drunk that night and you weren't the first guy trying to take a girl away from me. In fact just now a guy tried taking my girl"
I then said it was all good, that it was kind of cunty of me to go in to get her and then explained my side (how I'd been talking to her before). We both laughed about it, chatted for a while. He was actually a pretty cool dude, had lived all over the world, and told me about the girls in my city and how he found it way harder here than anywhere else.
Glad there was no bad blood and we were able to talk like men.
Daygame:
Notable interactions (I’ve approached way more but these are the ones that stick out)
1. Gym Bunny. Eyed a blonde hottie on the leg splitting machine, couldn’t keep my eyes off her (genetically she was just my type, looking like a very white version of me). I was late to a call so went to my car, but then imagined her doing those leg splits and then imaged her doing that to me. My horniness overcame my rational mind and I went back in and to the area she was working out. We made eye contact, then I got a foam roller and started rolling near her. After 5 minutes, I got up and confidently walked to her, telling her how I noticed her and had to come say something. She couldn’t contain her smile. She was definitely pleased with herself. We chatted, there was close proximity. She was from Ireland.
After 5-10 minutes of talking I went for a number close. She said she didn’t know her number since she was visiting from Ireland and suggested Instagram. I accepted in this case, and followed her (I know, I’ve gotta stop doing this and get them to follow me). She didn’t follow me back. I browsed her insta and she had 1500 followers, way more than me. Not only that, but her insta was full of photos of her at parties, made up in the typical insta flashy way. Hot but objectively, my insta was a lot lamer than hers. She didn’t respond to my opener. I’ve since made a promise to at least post once a month.
I have realized that I have an interesting life, but I don’t post it. I’m terrible at marketing myself. So many photos from the last couple of years that could have made a stellar profile that I haven’t posted up. I’m now posting up all photos (a lot you can’t tell are old) to flesh out my profile a bit. I also don’t have many followers (around 230) which isn’t ideal either.
2. Sexy brunette sitting down at the tram stop. Saw her get on the tram and couldn’t stop staring, got off, followed her to where she was sitting on another tram stop. Passed, pretended to suddenly notice her as I walked past. Strong start, guessed she was an accountant. Good lord she was sexy. Was standing up for too long though. Soon into the interaction when it was going well (like 10, 15 seconds in) should have said “Mind if I sit down?”. She started glancing around and looked a bit uncomfortable, so I bailed. She gave a little exasperated laugh when I did this. Maybe she was laughing at the fact I retreated in fear, lol. The fear of keeping her “trapped”, since I was also getting on the tram and she would then have nowhere to go. Even though my intentions were pure, I still felt weird and uncomfortable about it, which would have made her uncomfortable.
Next time I should ask “May I sit down” SOON into the interaction, to avoid awkward standing up and talking while she’s sitting down, which has never worked.
3. Her First Date Ever: Met a girl on a walking track near mine. Short interaction, number closed. I was feeling down at that point as a result of some recent rejections, so didn’t actually text her. She reached out a couple days after that to my surprise. We organized a date. Went on it, found out this was the first proper date she’d ever been on (ever!) at the age of 25. I was an idiot though. She was definitely awkward (especially when I hugged her on the number close and at the start of the date) and so felt she might not be comfortable with close contact throughout the date. Still, these tables were massive and we were far apart. The date ended with a hug and we parted ways. She later texted saying she only felt platonic chemistry between us. Lesson learned – I thought since she was inexperienced she would want to move slower. But a girl is a girl is a girl. She needs to feel turned on. You can’t skip out on being attractive just because you thought she didn’t know better. That’s retarded. As a result, I lost her.
4. HBMaccas: Detailed this in my LR but met this girl at McDonalds while I was out with friends. We set a date for Wednesday. When she asked if I had Instagram I used the standard deflector (I used to but spent too much time on it). She couldn’t make the original Wednesday date since she was feeling under the weather, but got back in touch Saturday asking how I was. We rescheduled for Friday, and had the date. The date almost didn’t happen – the morning off she texts me saying “she didn’t see it going anywhere and there was no point coming out tonight”. When I pressed, she said that she found my Instagram which I said I didn’t have and that I had posted a week ago when I said I didn’t use it anymore (my account is public). And felt that I was only after something casual as a result.
Actually, after the situation with gym girl I had posted a picture for the first time in months, and this was a couple days after our conversation. So I called her, explained the situation (that I’d posted for the first time in months after I said that) and that I was not just after something casual, but open to more if the vibe was right. She then agreed to come out. Date arrives, and holy hell. This girl was more attractive than I remember and quite intimidating too. Had drinks, bounced to two venues, my usual couches which I use for proximity were annoyingly all being used, so we didn’t have much proximity. I thought I felt the vibe dying and started feeling disappointed, confirmed when she said she “had to leave”. On the way out, she came walking with me a short bit, then we said goodbye, I went to kiss her on the cheek, but we ended up making out and she was in my arms smiling. Damn. I then invited her to watch a show at mine instead (a bit clumsy) but she said “not tonight”.
We’ve been texting since. She got COVID and we weren’t able to meet up as a result last week like we were supposed to, but hopefully this week.
General thoughts on DG
It’s my favourite way to meet women by far, but it’s inefficient. I think a good in between is doing early night streetgame. It has all the benefits of nightgame (an abundance of sexy girls everywhere) with the benefits of daygame (you can actually have a conversation with them and it’s early so you can get sleep too)
General Random Thoughts:
I feel myself becoming more confident as a man, similar to the way I felt last year soon after the relationship. And I’m naturally just giving less and less fucks about any one girl in particular. It’s directly tied to how much abundance I have with beautiful women. Even if I’m not actively dating anyone, I still feel a calm sense of confidence from the experiences I have had to date with the fairer sex.
That being said, I’ve noticed that this confidence is more in my day to day life (less ruminating or worry that I’m going to die alone) however when I’m in social situations, I still get tripped up by many situations and my frame still seems weaker than many others around me. So of course I still need to be out there, putting my ass on the line, making myself uncomfortable, and being willing to escalate.
I still realize that a big lagging part of my confidence is still in the fact that I have not yet achieved bedroom mastery, and that the low frequency at which I have sex means that if I remain on my current trajectory I never will. I’ve made many girls orgasm, and I’ve had plenty of reference materials showing me what good sex is (and had plenty of good sex myself). But still, there’s this nagging feeling that I don’t truly know what I’m doing. And it’s true to an extent. Despite the time I’ve been in the game, most of my best moments have been due to physical escalation and basic game. I feel I don’t truly understand the psychology of women, and I don’t have the confidence that I can give her a psychological experience so powerful she is begging to have sex, and that I can make her orgasm again and again. Having this knowingness in my ability, man I can only imagine what it would do for my self-confidence.
It's one thing to read about, but something else I’ve realized is how long a lot of these things take to internalize. You could read an article about a certain aspect of female psychology on the site. You logically accept it is true. You know it’s true because you trust the sources. But part of your animal brain still has trouble believing it until you experience it yourself.
I have only very recently begun to truly internalize the fact that all girls want to get fucked hard. I knew this logically before, but it is only recently that I can look at a beautiful girl and smile knowing that what she is presenting to the world is a front, and that she really wants to be bent over and owned by a dominant sexy man who knows what he’s doing. That she wants to be led and submissive. All obvious things that I’ve known for a long time. But again, the more experiences you have the more your subconscious starts to believe it to. And when your subconscious believes it, that probably starts to manifest out into the world in a way that women can pick up on.
Of course this also leads to more frustration, since I’m am more aware of the things I believe logically but not emotionally yet. Such as the fact strong women turn into girly girls around the right man. On dates I go on where a girl is stoic, where we are almost on an equal level, the back of my mind is wondering “if I was a highly experienced man with all this knowledge and experience of women, I wonder how this interaction would be going right now. She might be all up in my arms right now begging to go home. We might already be home now and she’s cuddled up in my embrace smiling and content” And then I get a bit frustrated at myself that I’m not there yet.
The only way to get there, to become a sexual authority, is to live more, experience more until you are so much more experienced that she is just in awe of you. Never get complacent. That is something I’ve also been coming to understand too. Consistency is king. Again, I knew this logically, but when you see the effort paying off (getting better at nightgame, getting better at handstands and piano) which are the results of long focused consistent effort, and when you also see the effects of not being consistent (less skill, less muscle, worse interactions with women). You really come to understand that not only do you need to be consistent. You need to be consistent for the rest of your life. I dream about being able to coast into the future after working hard now, but in reality, coasting will always eventually lead to decline. I’m slowly coming to the deep realization that as a man, it’s never going to be over. You will need to work every day of your life, until you die, or you will surely lose everything you worked for. This is what your life is. Be prepared to accept it. And once you accept this hard truth, it becomes a lot easier to bear.
