If you must deal with it, here is another Gunwitch tech that is my go-to for the boyfriend objection.
HB: Devilicious, your burgeoning indirect game is arousing me so much that I must tell you I have boyfriend DEV: Nice, nice. How long you been together? HB:3 months. DEV: Nice, nice. *promptly return conversation to previous high-point or topic that got her hooked*
Ex: She hooked on an RPO about the beautiful weather.
Then you could say, "Hey, remember how we were talking about how beautiful it is right now? It kind of gets me thinking... if you won the lottery and money was no object... and you could travel to any paradise in the world... where would you go?"
"Walking instead of driving? I'm almost disappointed," I say with a smile.
She jumps and stares at me, acting as if she knows me.
Actually, very soon the vibe is her thinking we know each other from somewhere because that's the vibe I gave her, and me continuing it with "You seem familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"
Get what she studies (architecture), do a qualifier on that, make her guess what I do.
At the end when she makes to leave I go for the close.
She stops, turns back, gives me a very hesitant smile, and goes like "Noo, I can't".
"Sure you can, " I say and persist a bit more. She declines the second time. I let her go.
I should've persisted stronger and better. "Look, I enjoy talking to you. You enjoy our conversation as well, right? It's always great meeting an open and like-minded person, don't you agree? And it's almost fate that made us meet here. So let's exchange numbers."
Persist at least 3 times, too. It just seems a bit incongruous if you open so indirect and end up having to persist so much. Means I spent too much time on the 'do we know each other' and not enough on immersion.
What do you guys think? What's your take on persistence? I imagine you'd fractionate away, and try again after a few moments - but what if she's on her way to leave? Maybe add a "I have a VERY important question," if I haven't already, or a "I just noticed something about you". But if she's initiating ejection, I don't know how effective it'd be. A better one would be "Wait, I just noticed...do you know who you look exactly like?" But here the problem arises that I don't know any celebrities and could not, in fact, tell you who she looks like. So maybe introduce it, then move on without the resolution. And have it as an open loop. If push comes to shove, I could go for "Like that one girl I saw in a spy movie... I can't remember the name though. Do you think you'd make a good spy?"
Girl 2: Blonde, blue eyes.
I see her walking towards me as we're under a longer construction bridge. I feel the urge to meet her, and my mind flails at finding an opener - ah, her walk seems confident, let's go for the 'area' question then.
Planned and swiftly executed.
But she gives me these super apologetic eyes and points in the direction she's walking fast towards. Has a train to catch it seems, as she hurries along.
The only way I see would be to either a) persist super intently for her to stop for 'only a few moments, I just need your input on this', or pivot around and start walking with her in that high tempo. To pull it off you'd have to act totally natural, like 'oh yeah, let's just walk together!'
(28/04)
Girl 1: HBGerman
Hot blonde, blue-eyed German girl.
She's walking out from a path as I walk down from Uni.
"Oh, is the path open again?" I ask.
"This is a path?" She asks back with a smile. Mirror neurons, people.
"Oh, you didn't know? This is the secret path to get down to <YYY>. You walk down through the small park.... and then through the house. That's why I was wondering whether it was opened. Say, how long have you been here?"
Deliberate hand gestures enhance what I'm saying.
She's been here for 9months.
"Oh, so you came during Corona, right? She agrees. "And what brought you here?"
She's here to do her PhD. I'm feeling playful, so I add a chase frame 'Oh, she could almost impress me with that.', and 'it's a nice thing to say at parties' which is me just teasing her.
"Yeah," she giggles as her blue eyes seem to shine, "if there were any, that is."
Since I have it seeded, my mind finds a nice transition.
"Indeed. You know, what's the thing you miss the most? Like, if everything opened tomorrow... what's the first thing you'd do?" A modified Golden Question that fits nicely into current circumstances and is easy to transition into.
"Hmm, I don't miss that much actually. Except maybe parties, and meeting friends. Like, going to concerts!" she says.
"Ah, I feel you. So it's the feeling of being with people, feeling the vibe, being able to go out to events..." I say.
Here, in the future I can try to expand more into the elements of connection and freedom.
Now she wants to know what I study. I tell her to guess. "It could be anything!" She laughs. I switch it back to her: "Yes. You said you were here for your PhD, what field are you in?"
She does biology/chemistry. Of course I find out how she got into it, whether she'd do so again, and what it is about it she likes.
She tells me it's interesting the deeper you get into the field.
"Yes, you know, that tells you a lot about a person," I say. "Here's why: If you're the type of person that finds a subject more interesting the deeper you go into it, it shows the curiosity and liveliness of the person. Because the deeper you dive into the subject, the deeper you immerse yourself, the deeper your curiosity and interest..."
Nice: NLP 'deeper and deeper' used there inadvertently. I notice it as I say it too.
Yeah, this hooks her completely.
Should've added a curiosity rainbow ruse or asked her "Would you agree this is you?" And then qualify her on her "Unceasing curiosity and openness to new things...". Oh, that is perfect!! At least from my current perspective ^^
Deep dive and banter a bit more, tell her she's an interesting person and we should continue this and get her number.
I'm increasingly aware that insta-dates are an option. I never consider it in the moment because it's so rare I do it, so that's why I write this down to remind myself!
Girl 2:
Sitting on the edge. I open with a comment on that while walking past, then stop and continue. Practice setting framed of "adventure and risk". I take it as practice
Girl 3:
Doesn't even stop. State projection was bad on my part, I had walked for 15min around a new area and my mental state was suboptimal. But no regrets. I need to approach even in situations I don't have the 'perfect RPO' or perfect situation!!!
Then:
I missed approaching the perhaps the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She was slowly passing me, I saw her from the corner of my eye and thought about getting her to see me first, but then the thought of 'what if she isn't hot?' passed my mind. Because I couldn't tell anything except form.
Boom, she passes me, and oh lord...
Wavy blonde hair, deep blue eyes, perfect facial features... in a white t-shirt, a soft-coloured blazer and beige pants framing an alluring ass.
And of course I'm still beating myself up over having not just gone for it before that I forget I could've approached anyway with a 'you look like my ex-gf' after. She even stopped to open her bicycle. Just go and say hi if she's so attractive I just must meet her! I REGRET IT SO MUCH.
Today is a sad day.
(29/04)
Background
Hey, have you ever noticed... how on days where it's cloudy and slightly windy... and you feel the wind... and occasional lone raindrops from above on your skin... and you almost feel the tension it the air... it brings you back to the times you were set out in a storm or an adventure? And it makes you feel open... and adventurous?
Girl 1
Super cute redhead with black skirt. Contemplate for a few seconds before deciding I have to meet her (I was on the way to Uni and not actively thinking about approaching). Open with the 'Do you know who you look exactly like?' and my mindset catches up a few seconds later as my face transforms into a smile and I begin to state project.
"No, who?" she asks excitedly. But her tram arrives exactly then right next to us, and she points towards it. I'm a tease, so I just say, "Oh, if you have to catch it, we'll leave it open...".
Later I realized I should've told her to take the next one. Heh, but it's downright evil to bait her like that and then let her go... I bet she'll be thinking about this for a long time as to who, exactly, she looks exactly like...
Girl 2
Apologizes while walking past me after the attention grab. Busy bee has places to be.
Girl 3: Italian chick
Cute black haired girl sitting on stone stairs with a winter jacket and hoodie up.
"Wow, you look huddled up... I get warm just looking at you!" I open with.
Have to switch languages, get she's Italian, deliver RPO Cloudy Weather.
"Yes, for me it brings me back to my childhood days when it would be raining and I'd be playing outside..." she goes.
Soon go into what brought her here (her ex), what she does, what she'd rather do... which is designing clothes. She actually did shoes with patterns or something for a while, but it didn't kick off.
Qualify on her creativity and bravery of following her dreams.
She actually asked me what I do, but I spun it back at her. Now she asks again, wants to know whether I live here, etc. I spin a fun future projection after telling her about a future dream of mine, in which I hire her and we'll be the company with the most fashionable, eye-turning shoes.
Also talked about culture, and her being a 'ray of light' and 'needed spirit here'.
When everything opens up, she'd go to Thailand.
"You know, now that you have to wait for it... builds up the anticipation... and when you're there, you'll be able to enjoy it far more. Just picture yourself there... the warm sand under you... your feet in the [cool] water... a [refreshing and buzz-inducing] cocktail in your hand..."
[-] means I should've said it. For next time.
Here, you might notice the 'anticipation' thread. My mind immediately flashed towards adding a sex talk thread to it, like ",...anticipation makes everything better and gives you deeper feelings of release, don't you think? Just like finally getting to your dream destination... or even like good sex!" And fractionate back to something else.
Unfortunately I didn't do it. Have to try it next time!!
When I close I get the boyfriend objection. She shows me her ring.
Fractionating away and back gives me the same objection. "I want to be a good girl," she says.
"I understand that. You know, in todays society, it's such a shame you're judged for everything. It's terrible," I say.
She agrees, but still no. She's waiting for her bf right now.
She tells me "It's perfect... well, I think. I don't know how he is when I'm not around," and "Italian men are trouble," because her boyfriend is Italian like her.
The thought flashes that I should become more aggressive, because she obviously likes these type of men.
I think I should've displayed more interest and romance towards her here, induce a feeling of sweeping her off her feet.
But not directly, no, no. Maybe:
Strong sexual subcommunication, intense eye contact:
"Don't you think... that sometimes, life can present you with amazing opportunities you never saw coming? Small coincidences of fate... resulting in amazing, passionate experiences that you'll remember for the rest of your life... and look back fondly to. Listen, I enjoy talking to you, and think you're an interesting person with more strength than most people most likely realize. I'd love to continue talking to you. So why don't we say we take this small chance, grab life by the horns, and YOU can take this chance to show your bravery and great mentality? Let's exhange numbers."
(30/04)
Background
It's raining and cloudy in the city. I'm well-dressed and looking good. I went to the city to play Volleyball (indoor) in the evening, and had some time before.
Approaches
The first girl I opened quite smoothly body-language wise as she was walking in my direction, but she had headphones on and was in a call. I'm like, "Oh, you're in a call? I see, no worries, thanks anyway!"
Lesson: Tell her to hang up, or tell her you can wait. So far I haven't approached girls on calls yet.
Second girl is sitting outside a shop on her phone. I stand next to her, shake the rain off my umbrella, and open, thinking about going into the RPO. After the setup of "I noticed something, and I need a second perspective," she goes like "Oh, no thanks," and turns back to her phone, totally ignoring me. Lol.
Reason: I didn't open with a smile. That seems to be soooooo crucial. State projection and sprezzatura for me seem to be tied to it.
Analysis
What I did well:
-Practiced openings
-Practiced pacing and leading conversation to SOT's
-Practiced SOT's
-Practiced qualifiers.
What I can improve:
-SMILE WHEN OPENING
-Focus on persistence when closing
-Better use of SOT's
-More rich, descriptive language
-Go into sex talk when opportunity arrives
-Better NARC qualifiers: Make more descriptive, weave into future projection scenarios? Like: I could imagine you in this role... doing this... having this impact...
Outlook
This week, many approaches didn't stick. One part of this was lack of sprezzatura that for some reason I didn't bring across. Downsides of lack of sleep. But the positive part to this is that I'm aware of it now, and can consciously work on it so that no matter my state I can perfect it. The difference between doing it naturally and learning it consciously.
The other reason could be more 'difficult' sets where the girls were in a legitimate hurry. No regrets. Will try persistence for these ones if I can.
Main things to continue working on are opening (now with increased focus on sprezzatura), smoother and more immersive SOT usage, and introducing sex frames.
On another note, when I was reflecting recently I noticed (after having listened to Alek's sex prizing podcast again) that I had unconsciously used sex prizing in situations before, such as my LR HBVampire, and later when telling a condensed and censored version to my friends. The reason I though of this was that with my female friend, a discussion on the topic of dominance came up, and I remember telling her something like:
"Yeah, I like to be dominant. It's also about giving the girl the opportunity to let go of any judgements and just FEEL FREE to let go... without holding back... just immersed in the moment... without having to worry about anything, knowing she can trust me with her."
And I realized I had told HBVampire something similar when we were discussing sexual fantasies, and dominance as well (since she apparently is usually the dominant one in bed). This led to her submitting to me later (with my excessive paranoia of keeping control with her, considering this), and she obviously enjoyed it...
Sexual prizing to keep in mind for future sex talk when this topic comes up again in future seductions.
Cloudy, windy day. Finished for the day at 6:30pm and walked down to do my approaches. I'm dressed in black, high-collar pullover and leather jacket. My hair is in a bun, necessarily, as the wind makes it impossible to keep it open.
Approaches
Girl 1: Curly blonde hair warmup
I go "hey, hey you," as she walks past as I am leaning against a wall, but she doesn't turn to look. I take a few steps to tap her on the shoulder, and say "I have a very important question..."
She turns to me and matches my smile.
Old habits kick in. "How do you get those curls? They're amazing!" It's a warmup approach, all about getting me into action. And this is super easy to do.
She gets a twinkle in her eyes and goes like 'all natural, baby', we vibe a bit, then she continues.
Girl 2: Windy bridge
Stop on a bridge to enjoy the view. Cute brunette with blue eyes behind glasses comes my way.
"Excuse me... I have a very important question," I say. I remember focusing on smiling while doing so. It hooks. She takes off her headphones.
"I noticed something recently, and need a second perspective..."
Have you ever noticed how on windy days, such as today... as you feel the wind against your skin... and almost feel the tension in the air... it brings you back to times when you were in a storm, or in an adventure... and it brings back those feelings of adventure, and openness? Does that make sense?
I think I did a good job with immersive voice tonality.
Her blue eyes bore into mine.
"Yes, it makes sense! For me, wind is like freedom. With it coming from all directions spontaneously, instead of just from one direction, makes me associate it with freedom!"
I nod with her. "Yes, that's an interesting perspective... it's great to see you be able to think like this. It's something rare these days," I say. She blushes.
"You know, you seem like someone who does something creative," I add a cold read.
"Ah, somewhat, I guess," she says.
"Hmm... do you draw?" I ask. She doesn't.
"So what do you do?" I get to the real question.
"...but maybe I should!" She adds.
At this point the vibe of 'this is a completely spontaneous and fun chance encounter' remains and the path of least resistance is for her to continue on her way. Sounds weird but that's how it felt.
I qualify again on her being able to think that way [Not ideal: Next time compliment her openmindedness and spontaniety]
Then I say:
"And this is amazing, because it was so spontaneous. Isn't it amazing when you can meet someone that's on the same wavelength as you, and feel the connection almost instantly... and deeply?"
I feel like this (hopefully) 'covert hypnosis' is far too obvious, but she blushes again, her eyes sparkle, and she thanks me profusely for 'my question' and that it totally lifted and paced her state (she couldn't quite express it).
And here it's the path of least resistance to bow out gracefully, which I did.
The vibe was unsolidified, if I'd have to describe it - Intriguing, she was obviously well paced, but the transition into deeper conversation was lacking.
Girl 3
Blonde walking my way, open with 'from area' opener but don't use interest bait first. She smiles and responds, but says she has to continue with her body already half-turned away. I let her go.
In fact, it was something like this:
Interest bait, her saying yes, me saying why I thought so...
Her: "Oh, I've been here 10 years!"
Me: "10 years?! That's a long time, huh."
A better response:
"10 years, hmm... then I bet this feels just like home to you... a place where you can feel at ease, and walk around with an open mind... but every now and then, you discover something new that excites you, and expands your view of this place. Would you agree?" And then potentially continue with the difference's of cities and then go into travel and culture.
Or: "10 years... I bet you watched the city change over the years, then... from both the perspective of a bystander, and the view of being in the middle of the changes. What would you say is the biggest difference between your impression of the city when you came here compared to now?"
Girl 4: Psychologist
Brunette walking ahead of me, beautiful ass. I open with the 'are you from the area' and then 'I thought so, because...'.
Cold read she does something creative. She's a psychologist, studied art history before. If she could do anything, she'd go to Africa to help people there.
"Ah, that's interesting. So you'd go to Africa... interact with the people personally, help them... watch the smiles on their faces that you could facilitate..." is my attempt at continuing. Doesn't feel immersive, I think it lacks feelings. Maybe I can try to make it as descriptive with as many elements as possible. I start thinking about guiding towards SOT travel and then culture.
Well, I say, "That's great, it really shows you have an open heart and an ability to take a broad perspective," after she says she was there already, and it wasn't all rosy because her privilege becomes so distinct. This makes her more smiley and gets her to start asking me questions. I switch positions so my back is facing the store next to us to lock in more.
At some point:
"You know, I bet you are someone who has a hard time letting people close... like, you put up walls around you... but once you do let some close, you can absolutely have deep and great connections... would you say that's true?"
She fidgets around with a smile. "If you think that," she says, not going into it. Never had a girl go "if that's what you think" avoidance, but she was still reacting like it was spot on.
First thing she'd do when it opens up is travel.
I have a moment where I don't know what to say next, which hasn't happened in a long time. A pause ensues.
"Where are you going?" she asks and I point down the street (it's a normally busy street that only now because of the weather is more deserted) and we walk there. She's going home. I continue the conversation by going into a golden question variation of what she likes to do in her free time. She likes to jog - her curvy ass supports her answer.
She goes jogging 4-times a week.
"Oh, I bet you're the person that overtakes all the newbie joggers, like: Out of my way!" and I lightly shove her away from me in the same fashion. I've been touching her arm and elbow sporadically in the conversation.
It gets her more giggly, that's for sure.
Then my path to enter train station arrives and I tell her I have to go here. She doesn't stop walking, and I get her name and part ways super warmly.
Because again, my idiot ass felt like it would be more natural to leave like that. To be honest, maybe I was a bit affected by last weeks unreceptive approaches that I reverted to an 'absolutely no risk' mindset that was taken too far and didn't even make me try to close if there was any sign of her not being 100% ready for it. Plus she was like 10 years my senior haha - but still hot af.
DUMB DUMB DUMB
Analysis
What I did well
-Smooth openers, good RPO delivery
-Continued practicing qualifiers, am getting slightly better at them
-'Vibed' well with all girls - state projection was good
What I can improve
-PUSH FOR CLOSE, PUSH FOR CLOSE, PUSH FOR CLOSE
-I realized I've been neglecting rainbow ruses a bit. This outing I used a cold read of 'you look like you do something creative', with the idea of finding out what she does→What she'd rather do... But it didn't quite work. Not immersive enough, I guess... so I'll either need a stronger rainbow ruse or stronger persistence in continuing conversation along a conducive path.
-Start introducing sex frames
Outlook
This is the journal of my progress, and as such it contains both my successes and failures. This outing was a mix of both - success in opening and pacing, failure in going for the close.
A very important part of indirect daygame is finding streets and situations where you are almost alone with the girl for the approach, as you can act far more naturally that it 'just happened'. So I spend more time than maybe becomes apparent walking around trying out new spots. This makes me discover new parts of the city I never would've otherwise haha!
Was in a weird headspace of excessive focus on other things, and when they made an indication of ejection I auto-rejected and let them go. Lesson: Drop the ego!!!
Yeah it was really silly haha!
Outing 2 (06.05)
Was still rather dizzy from a VR study I had participated in. The space was limited and they had to tune the algorithms more aggressively... but that shit's the future!
Spent way to much time walking around, and the approach I did was in a busier street and without an interest bait, I totally startled the girl. She turns, goes like "Oh, no no," turns back around, and continues walking quickly. Lol. Not much to say there.
Outing 3 (07.05)
Girl 1: Blondie morning train stop
In the morning, I'm walking from my train through the underground to get to my exit. There are stairs that lead up and I see it heavily rain outside. I smile, shake my head, and act as I feel while taking out my umbrella. A cute blonde girl is walking down and I see her look at me.
"Beautiful weather, right?" I say with an energetic, amused smile.
"Yes!" she smiles back.
"It's funny, because... did you come from the area? Do you live here?"
"Yeah, I do," she says.
"Oh, nice, because I live in this direction," I point where, "and there it is sunny and warm. And then you arrive here... and boom, pouring rain," I say.
She smiles widely and is more focused on me.
I smile back and start thinking about a rain RPO I could use, but in the pause that ensues she all of a sudden jumps up, says her train is leaving now, and rushes off with an apologetic smile before I can react.
I have to be faster. Ask when's her train/if she's in a hurry, and persist with closing anyway.
For practice:
Have you ever realized how... when it's windy and raining... as you walk underneath your umbrella and all the sounds of your surroundings fade away... and only the peaceful pattering of the raindrops remains... it give you a sense of isolation... but at the same time, makes you feel free, and open?
Girl 2: Snake startled Asian
There's a snake-like creature on a small path I'm on. It's one that usually lives in water and somehow went on an adventure. I stare at it for a few minutes before moving on. A few moments later, I hear a yelp 'snake' from behind me.
Turning around, I see a cute Asian girl who was startled. "Ah, you found the snake as well," I say.
We get talking and as we walk slowly I find what she does, what she'd do if she could do anything, and somehow we get to music. It was when she asked me turns the Golden Question back to me. She plays Guzheng and explains to me what it is.
"That's interesting. Have you ever noticed... how music can take your mind to different places and change your mood? And how it makes you feel... open and free," I say. Then add some qualifier about how great it is she can appreciate music.
"I can already picture it... you, standing on stage, just you and your string instrument (I couldn't remember the name), and as everything fades away... you immerse yourself into the performance... that sweep the audience of their feet," is my attempt at a NARC qualifier.
I'm not so happy with it. NARC qualifiers should be taking whatever she values and feeding and qualifying it back to her, showing how you can see all these traits in her.
If she tells me she likes music, the NARC aspects would mean highlighting her proficiency, skill, passion, blowing audiences off their feet (validation), etc. But if I qualify on the latter, validation from an imaginary audience in a fictitious scenario, I run into the risk of her disconnecting because it's not what she really values.
In the future I could focus on the 'passion' aspect and use it in the context of validation, so she feels connected to the passion expression and validated by the audience I set up around it.
...Wait, isn't that what I said to her? HAHAHA. But I certainly didn't think of this in the moment.
I guess I'll make this into a personal, simple technique to learn for myself.
Let's call it... Dev's Qualifier.
Dev's Qualifier
Step 1: Get something she enjoys doing. A hobby or future aspiration
Step 2: Qualify her on the element of it she values the most. You can even evoke it first with contrasting and listing. This can be things like:
Passion,
Ambition/drive,
Chasing special feelings,
...
Step 3: Feed it back to her: Start by qualifying the main trait(s), and then link it to NARC elements such as validation. Paint the picture of how she receives it! This could be:
Her on stage performing,
Surrounded by peers wanting her advice,
On the podium receiving awards and waving to fans...
...
Since I'm doing this for myself and will be the only person using it, I can call it whatever I like - so don't judge! Hahaha
Pretty sure all advanced guys have their own version of this they do naturally without needing to think about it and break it down.
So, say she likes playing Tennis, because she can totally focus on it and get her body moving. Then I'd say something like:
"Mhm, so it's about the passion and being in the moment for you. You know, I can totally see how you're the type of person that has a lot of passion and whilst you hold it in for the most part, it really comes out in full force and intensity in these moments such as a Tennis match, where you can just let loose and feel free and alive... I bet you play Tennis with a hidden intensity that other people can't see, but maybe feel... and they come asking you for advice and look up to you, because they just know you have something they don't..."
Let's see how it goes!
It's interesting that I'm starting to come up with these little, super-technical things as that's were my focus is landing. I want to learn something (e.g. NARC qualifiers) and have little previous basis except a rough concept idea and some limited examples (@Lofty is here the main inspiration). Maybe I'm completely misunderstanding it, who knows. But as I try it out and later analyze in these reports what I could've done better, this is what I come up with.
We're walking slowly and I'm pretty sure she adapted to follow where I was going because I later when closing found out where she was headed to
When closing she asks me again what I study (since I left it as an open loop), and I do some short logistics test to confirm she'll be around.
I call her immediately after getting the number while still with her because I want to try it out.
Girl 3: ColorCode beauty
Walking on narrow path next to river I'm curious to see where it leads to. A cute brunette is walking right ahead of me.
I can't help but notice... her jeans are the EXACT, and I mean EXACT SAME colour as her long coat - a greenish hue.
I touch her shoulder, and when she turns around and takes off her headphones, I start with: "Hey, I have a very important question..." I also realize she's super beautiful.
My mind is torn between improvising and RPO about how walking next to the river makes you feel open and relaxed, and just... finding out the details of the previously noticed peculiarity. My curiosity is burning - I can't help myself.
"Is it a coincidence... that... your pants are the EXACT same color as your coat?? Because I've never seen this before haha"
She laughs and answers "Yes," but then continues in some language I don't understand.
Try to qualify with "Just goes to show you have a real eye for fashion and awareness," which should be followed with a rainbow ruse of some sort.
We continue walking but she giggles to herself, says something I don't understand, and then wishes me a nice weekend and hurries along ahead of me before I can react. What's with these rapid ejections?
I need a powerful second punch, it seems, in the form of a prepared rainbow ruse. Opening and continuing casually is something that I'm having great success with in terms of hooking - unless they have some time constraint which snaps them away. That means in areas around train stations, I shouldn't just rely on this and should focus on adding a rainbow ruse or at least an RPO after the casual opener.
Analysis
What I did well
-Had nice conversation progression from casual→fun→Engaging SOT
-Found a way to try to break down NARC qualifiers to practice.
What I can improve
-Steered conversation to SOT's, but still need to be better at immersing them at the SOT. This means sitting down and for each SOT I am aware of, writing out key points for each and possible gambits or stacks to run from them. For next week I'll do this for SOT music.
-Reintegrate rainbow ruses - more conscious and deliberate use of them.
-Better qualifiers!
-Steer towards sex talk
Outlook
I don't feel like I'm making a lot of progress. But I'm increasingly interested and focused on the finer details and techniques. Using NLP concepts like pacing and leading, weasel phrases, etc. Guiding conversations to SOT's and trying to use immersive language to pace and lead the girl. Trying NARC qualifiers to increase my influence over them as I lead them to where we both want to be...
What is my biggest sticking point? I'd say still opening and hooking. I need to be more consistent in opening girls I want to meet even in harder situations, and get better at immersing them fast. I definitely got better at immersing to a certain level, but I still want it to be deeper and faster, especially with girls that currently eject because they have somewhere to be. For those, I need an impactful rainbow ruse at the ready and good follow-up SOT conversation management.
With my thesis deadline looming, most of my focus and time went towards that. But still managed to do some approaches:
Outing 1
Background
Went to the gym earlier in the day and did legs like I never did legs before. Hahaha.
Girl 1:
Cute well dressed blonde girl with stockings, white skirt and beige leather jacket. She walks out of the Uni sports center in front of me. She's pretty fast though, after a few moments I try something new:
"Hey," I say a bit loudly to her hurrying down some stairs. She doesn't turn.
"Hey, you there, right ahead," I say louder, thinking she might not have reacted. She still doesn't!
I hurry and tap her on the shoulder. She has headphones on that are known for thei noise cancellation.
I smile at her.
"Hey, I need your help - did you hear the music?" I ask, legitimately also wanting to know what kind of music it was. There were people inside dancing to it.
"Noo, I didn't hear it - I'm listening to something," she says super sweetly, but then quickly turns back and continues hurrying along...
WHAT. THE. FUCK. Why are all these girls in such a hurry?
I went super casual because it works really well when she doesn't have to hurry, and you can go from casual→Fun/Interesting→Stimulating SOT's...
I guess I need to calibrate better - if she seems in a rush, use a more powerful opener and have a good follow-up rainbow ruse prepared!
Girl 2 : Sunglasses
I'm standing at a spot I recently realized is pretty good when there's not so many people in the city. Am standing there occasionally 'checking' my phone.
See her coming, and she puts on her sunglasses as she gets near me. I look and smile at her and she stares back.
"Getting hot, I see," I say. "And interesting... the way you put on your sunglasses was so... deliberate and elegant".
"I did it because I was thinking of your mobile," she says. I'm confused, and it's showing.
"My mobile?" I cock my head.
She tries to explain, but doesn't really.
"Yeah, I wasn't looking at you, but at your mobile," she says.
Now I'm even more confused. I open mouth: "Oh, are you trying to..." but my mind can't spin a chase frame under these circumstances and draws a blank.
She can see it and gives me a smile, pauses for a moment, and continues walking waving and wishing me goodbye.
I then realized - I had my phone in my hand. Maybe she thought I was filming her or something (she was really beautiful) - or she is paranoid about cameras and a sexy fugitive on the run. Who am I to judge?
Girl 3
Same spot as before. A beautiful blonde on her phone coming my way.
"Hey, wow..." I say, getting her attention, "Do you know who you look EXACTLY like?"
She realizes something breaks out into a smile. "Ahh," she goes, and smilingly turns back to her phone and continues walking.
"What, what're you smiling at!" I half-shout half-laugh at her.
That was odd. Did she come across a Gunwitch opener before??
Outing 2&3
Girl 4: HBJohannisburg
Beautiful brunette with a form that attracts me across the distance.
She's strolling, looking left and right.
"Excuse me... are you from the area?" I open.
"No, why?"
"Oh, I thought so... because you have a very curious way of walking, as if you're taking everything in from your surroundings."
And she genuinely was! Really obvious.
"Oh!" She goes. "I've been here 20 years!" She's actually a bit older than expected, but still really beautiful. I'll just take it as practice.
"Nice, where were you from before?" I ask.
"Johannisburg," she says. Did not see that coming!
"Johannisburg? Fascinating. You know, what surprised you the most coming here?"
She smiles and fidgets around, then stares at me. "Why do you want to know?"
"Oh, I've never met anyone from Johannisburg! You're the first. So obviously I want your perspective," I say.
Next time I could say: "Oh, I'm interested in your unique perspective with your life experience" or something.
She starts thinking. "Hmm... not sure. But the city has changed since I came here?"
"Oh, how so?" I question while cocking my head.
Apparently she feels it's intense and fidgets around more.
"Well... it feels more open, somehow," she says. "Like people know more English... and are more open. I never expected someone to just start talking to me!" She points to us and fidgets around more.
"Yeah, that was quite spontaneous!" I agree and use this as the transition into the RPO I had prepared.
"And have you ever noticed... how on cloudy days like today... when the world gets a silver hue... and the sun is almost shining through... it makes you feel open... and spontaneous?"
It never ceases to surprise me how effective this is in pacing an open girl.
She asks me whether I'm from here, I tell her yes and I study here.
"Oh, my son is probably around your age," and I'm like lol ok, and she guesses I'm 21. Well, à là Chase I'm 22 then.
Somehow in the following conversation we allude to her being here for 20 years already. I remember what I had analyzed previously here:
"10 years, hmm... then I bet this feels just like home to you... a place where you can feel at ease, and walk around with an open mind... but every now and then, you discover something new that excites you, and expands your view of this place. Would you agree?" And then potentially continue with the difference's of cities and then go into travel and culture.
Or: "10 years... I bet you watched the city change over the years, then... from both the perspective of a bystander, and the view of being in the middle of the changes. What would you say is the biggest difference between your impression of the city when you came here compared to now?"
I start saying it, and after the first sentence she interrupts saying it was especially the openness that she noticed, but maybe it is also because she herself isn't open.
"I don't think so at all. You seem like a very open person with inner strength, and it shows," I say.
She tells me how she likes going out, because Corona made her stay at home all the time and feel constrained.
"You know, I bet you're the type of person that enjoys going out... and on adventures. But sometimes... you just want to stay at home and relax," I insert a rainbow ruse. "Yes, I love going out again... staying inside for so long made me feel trapped!" She says.
"Yeah, it's always great to be able to do new things. You probably need new impulses and variety in your life, or you go insane. I bet you're a really good multitasker, and have a hard time focusing on one thing only," is my next rainbow ruse I remember from SMMA.
Then we talk about travel, and I qualify her on bravery and perspective
"People who are able to travel often have a different and unique perspective. Being able to see things things a different way... which I'm sure you have. And coming here and learning how to integrate yourself and immersing yourself in the city... takes a lot of bravery, you know."
We fall in silence after her enthusiastic nodding. Since she's a tad too old but I took it as practice, I don't continue. She says something in English now and I reply in English, and one thing fills my mind: "Fuck, I love your accent..." are my parting words. She blushes.
Funnily enough, after I keep walking I see a super narrow alley I haven't noticed before and go check it out before continuing, and lo and behold - she's walking there in perfect timing.
"Hey, I never noticed... there are some really cool alleys and paths over there," I say and point. She's blushing like before and giving me this distinct smile I've seen before.
"And what a coincidence. It's almost like it's fate," I say. There's a chance to continue walking together and I can see her fall in sync with my walking speed but I tell her I have to go another path and let her go. It's really weird, once I am in ejection social butterfly mode I will execute it flawlessly.
Next time I'll stick with her and continue with SOT's and sex frames, which I rarely use as I don't stay that long in set. Once she's hooked and decently immersed I will usually close at a high point. Maybe I shouldn't, and see how far I can push it. Going for insta-dates is an option that always slips my mind.
Oh, and maybe I should've closed anyway. She was really beautiful despite her age, but the daunting logistics scared me off. In the future, I'll push anyway!
Girl 5: HB-S
Cute brunette walking my way on narrow spot leading to the busy street.
"Wow, hey... do you know who you look exactly like?" I say with a smile.
"No, who?" She asks.
"No, I can't say... what if you don't like her!" I say.
"No, no, tell me!"
"Well, you look... just like my ex girlfriend. Only... you have a different energy behind the eyes."
"Oh really?" She says.
"Yeah... it's as if... you put up walls around you, and don't easily let people close... hut once you do, you absolutely can have intense and great connections."
She likes it. "But isn't everyone like that?" She asks.
"Not necessarily," I say with a disagreeing look on my face.
"Wait... do you do sports?" I ask.
Better: You know, I get the impression from you... that you're someone who enjoys doing sports. Is that right?
"Oh, noo, I can't!" She says.
"Really? Why not?"
"I had an accident and broke two of my upper spine bones!" She says in agitated embarrassment.
"Upper spine bones! Oh nooo! How did this happen?" I exclaim and push her away lightly.
"When diving into water head-first," she says. Oof. Lesson learned, kids - check how shallow water is!
"Oof. But... let me ask you this. If you never had this, and could start anything you wanted to... what would you do?"
"Hmm... maybe fitness (gym)."
"Fitness, interesting... what about it appeals to you the most?"
"Ah, getting ready for the summer! But I'm lazy... I have a hard time," she says.
"So you really enjoy being at home... lying down somewhere nice and relaxing... you know, I bet it's actually because you're able to be so in the moment, feeling and enjoying the relaxation... that makes it so hard to switch to something else," I say. That must've been my best NARC qualifier so far!
She likes it. She actually then tells me briefly she has to be somewhere, and I close by suggesting we grab a coffee sometime. She agrees happily.
"Are you in the city?" We ask almost at the same time hahaha.
Get her number, call her right then and there, and as we part ways I keep her hand in mine and let it slowly slip away as we begin to turn away to our paths...
Girl 6: HBAngel
My personal 10. Stunning blonde girl with deep blue eyes.
"Wow, hey... do you know who you look EXACTLY like?" I open.
The sun is in my eyes and has my face scrunched up. This results in me giving her a critical look instead of a warm, inviting one...
She stops, half-turns, listens, then lightly laughs and smiles and turns around again to continue walking.
I NEED TO SMILE.!.!.!.!
Girl 7: Indulging
Walking in the underground of the train station towards my rail. On the last flight of small stairs down to the specific rail, there's a cute girl eating BK fries. I don't plan on anything but her gaze follows me as I walk past. I put my fingers up to my mouth in a 'mmm, good food' motion.
"You know, you're making me hungry just watching you enjoy your food so much," I laugh.
"Oh yeah, I was really hungry - I didn't have breakfast!" She replies.
"Haha you know that feeling when you don't plan on eating breakfast, thinking it'll be fine... and then - boom! You're super hungry and just need something to eat... like French fries," I say.
"Yeah, but they're not healthy" she goes.
"But sometimes, you can just indulge, and when you do you can fully enjoy yourself because you anticipated it and are so in the moment of enjoyment," I say.
"But they're so fatty," she says. "Do you want some?" Hahaha.
"I'm good, thanks! I wouldn't dare get between you and your beloved food," I banter.
Well, conversation never really leaves food and as my train is coming I tell her as such and rush to catch it. Tried to have some 'being in the moment' and 'indulgence' frames and SOT's but they didn't seem to stick - or at least I was really unsure whether they had an impact.
More importantly, I reverted back to a very banter-y style that did not mesh smoothly with the material I was delivering. Mistake! It's my style of interacting with friends and others that I cultivated thanks to GC, and now it's at odds with this new, seducer's personality type I'm building. How they interact is quite interesting because you'll find yourself taking over the mindsets and behaviors on a deeper level that diffuses in your life. I'm crazily aware of suddenly noticing myself using reality paces with my friends... or elicitors and qualifiers with new people I meet. That's still ok, but forget using SOT's! These those are two different worlds, and I'm stuck in the middle. Sometimes I feel like my verbals are only good (for my current level) on girls in these 1-1 conversation scenarios with girls I approached. Then with friends, the level drops down to whatever it was before.
Analysis
What I did well:
-Continued practicing qualifiers. Had a good, in-the-moment idea of linking "laziness" with "being so in the moment and enjoying it, you have difficulties with resistance" hahahaha.
What I can improve:
-More consistent opening - always looking for the best, most natural way of opening will not work.
-ALWAYS SMILE WARMLY WHEN OPENING
-Stay longer in set and push myself more. Stay as long as I need to nudge conversation to sex frames that I can go into and then fractionate away from again. The main thing with street game at that time is if they're alone, they're usually on their way to somewhere. But that's just incentive for me to develop my game to get them aroused and tempted that washes all their other commitments away...
-Generally find ways to make girls stop when I open them. It's like, either they don't stop at all, but when they do I have a rather higher chance of hooking them. This ties into the type of opener I choose. Gunwitch's 'are you from the area' and 'you know who you look exactly like' are advantageous in the sense they provide high flexibility for a variety of situations. The disadvantage is they may come across gamey if body language doesn't match, apparently. At least I've been running into this more that the girls smile but don't stop...
On the other hand, RPO's are bombs when it comes to helping with hooking, but you have to have one prepared and ready for the situation. Plus, they are harder to use in more crowded streets... or at least I haven't found a way to make it seem natural.
I've also realized that I should expand my RPO arsenal from weather-based pacing, because weather has a tendency to change and sometimes it isn't particularly clear what that type of weather should evoke - for example when it's a bit cloudy but still sunny, so neither unambiguous form really.
I have an RPO based on there not being many people in the city, and also one for old town (but there it's hard to find targets), but for the most 'normal situation' I'm more at a loss. I can now see why Bacchus would have his 'text message received' RPO that can be used anywhere.
Solutions: This is good practice for me. Themes I can use:
Walking amongst crowd,
Being in city with many people swarming around you,
Being next to river, being near water,
Being under open skies after working inside
Sense of freedom after getting off 'work'
'People watching' observation on how people walk with their heads down in their own world
General interesting questions such as this one: 'Do you know what's fascinating? -->Pacing, SOT connection, meeting people. @Kvothe
How walking from one place to another puts you in different mindspace ->Autopilot, transition effect, force of habit, noticing new things...
Colorfully dressed people and their effect on the vibe - for when she's colorfully dressed, leads nicely into rainbow ruses about her openness and 'doing things as she wants to', and 'grabbing life by the horns, not caring what others think...'
Warm temperature, cold temperature, weather change of past days -->Openness, spontaneity, adventureness
How perceived vibe of city changes the longer you've been there
The best thing about this is that all the above themes lead to SOT's, and they can be introduced at any point in conversation. So they can be supporting threads and themes for immersion and emotional stimulation...
Outlook
Still busy with my thesis, but main points to continue focusing on include opening hooking, for which next week I'll just try this: For every girl I open, I will smile as warmly and state project as much warmth, inclusiveness, and confidence with intense eye contact as I can. And then, I'll stick in conversation to immerse and nudge it towards a transition where I can try my friend LISA gambit. I've written about it a few times, but never got that far nor think about it when I did in field. The main thing is that the interactions are so fluid after my opening stack.
Currently its like:
Opener->Rainbow ruse->Cold read 'does she do this? (E.g., Does she do sports)'->Golden Question->qualify her on that ->Another rainbow ruse that's more calibrated now that I have more information -> Deep dive...
The weak link here seems to be the third step 'cold read', thinking about it. Looking at my fellow seducers, @Lofty seems to just have his stack ready that he continues with.
Building on this, if I have the rainbow ruse "she puts up walls around her and doesn't let people close, but when she does she can have deep and great connections", then I could follow with SOT connection: "And have you noticed how there are different ways how people connect? Some connections are almost instant, electrifying, while others develop as time goes...". And then SOT chemistry "...and sometimes with these connections, you notice you have chemistry... building deeper and deeper as you can't help but wonder and hope for more..." and then "You know, speaking of chemistry. My friend LISA, was at the lake recently, and she was harassed by a guy who just lusted after her body. It was terrible. She called me, all distressed. But then, guess what... she met another guy, who was charming and romantic and made it about HER... who wanted her not just for her body, but for HER... and now she's at his place. What do you think will happen?"
My worry here is that she will feel too... uninvolved?... because the only way this relates to her is the rainbow ruse at the beginning. Like, does she really care about a story about my hypothetical female friend just a few minutes after I stopped her?
But if she sticks around and gets immersed, after the stack I can get her 'feedback' and qualify her on her open-mindedness and perspective, and then go into a good golden question transition rainbow ruse like "You look like the type of person that enjoys going outside and on adventures." And then no matter her response go into "So if I were to ask you, what is something you enjoy doing in your free time, what would you say?"
I guess I'm not experienced enough to really know how much is required beforehand. My goal is to get her involved as quickly as possible so I can deep dive and (NARC) qualify. But then the transition to LISA is rather lost because there are so many ways conversation could go.
So it's essentially me not knowing yet how far I can take stacks in daygame for hooking. What I can do is try out adding more and more blocks to the stack and seeing how the girls react. Experiment time!
One thing I have been trying to do is think about my approaches more before I approach. I want to hone my skill of detecting girls that will be open to me meeting before I go for it. And then to build social momentum, having light conversations with the people that cross my path as I go about my day… grandmas, people with cute dogs, receptionists, etc
My thesis deadline held me hostage for the past week. Better this week, but not entirely - but after next Saturday I will be as free as a bird! (Comparatively speaking).
Nonetheless, did some approaches last Monday which didn't go anywhere but as a sticking point identified was not approaching enough, the baby-step exercise to guide and push into improvement I focused on was: Getting physically close enough to open! Get near her! Simple as that. It works really well, too, except for those girls walking at high speeds.
'Outing' 1
Girl 1
Hot redhead walking my way. She doesn't stop for my interest bait. Oh well.
Girl 2
Super cute girl in black linen pants and a silvery jacket. She's sipping on some soft drink. She walks past where I'm posted up and I have to follow her. Actually, normally I'd count it as a missed opportunity but in a targeted effort to increase volume, I follow the baby steps of first of all getting close to her so that I can interact with her. She stops somewhere, I ignore her and pretend to take a phone call. Then I go to her:
"Hey, I just realized why you seem so familiar," I say. "Do you know who you look EXACTLY like?"
"No, that's funny. Who do I look like?"
I pause for a second. "Wait, what if you don't like her?" I say.
"Haha well I don't really know people and wouldn't care," she goes. Already not a good sign.
"Well... you look just like my ex gf..." I say and she laughs, "...except you have a different energy behind your eyes."
"Oh wow. Did you see the sadness in them?"
"The deep inner sadness welling up?" I go.
"Yeah, my boyfriend is walking around here... no, he just left for Munich and I'm really sad now." She brings up her boyfriend in whatever way she can.
"That sounds very sad indeed," I say, "at least you have that interesting-looking drink to indulge in."
To be honest, I didn't think of launching into a reality pace, and my tonality and delivery was all off.
Conversation continues a bit with me throwing a few chase frames after she tells me what it is and me going "Are you trying to corrupt me here?" But then I soon eject. My state control wasn't very good today.
Girl 3
Blondie in train station. We're walking in the same direction. I open with the 'area' opener, then a pillar comes and she goes around one way, while I go around the other. Then I feel too awkward to go back as the 'punchline' was already delivered. I feel so stupid!!!
---
I'll also post the first mixed two-set approach I did this Saturday:
'Outing' 2
Was on my way home from a friend's house in the night as the first freedom of the week and missed my train by a minute - next one is in half an hour. It's 11:30pm and I walk next to the lake and spend 20minutes just gazing at the reflection of the lights on the silently flowing water, lost in thoughts. The way the landscape and city changes as it's displayed in different colors... RPO prime material, I muse. Have to write it down. The vibe confirms why night street game is so popular - not many people around but still enough, open to 'chance encounters', sensual and spontaneous vibe... I should consider doing this more often, if only Corona didn't murder my train connection back home. (They suspended most night transit).
There's a group of French hollering nearby across the street, and a brunette girl walking arm-in-arm with a really short guy in front of me. I wonder whether they're a couple or mom-son hahaha.
Then I hear that they're speaking in French and as they stop to let the tram pass I do the first opening in French in my life haha. I'm both legitimately curious and wanting to see how opening a two-set goes.
"Excuse me... is there a reason why they're so many French people in the city tonight?" I ask in French.
The girl is black-haired, pretty cute, and so receptive it surprises me.
"Ohh, no there's no reason. It's surprising how many French there are here! I never noticed it when I got here," she goes, stopping completely and turning to me. We get talking and the guy just gets ignored completely... I'm almost sorry for him.
"Yeah, so when you first arrived here, it was as if you had the entire city for yourself as the only French girl... so what brought you two here?"
She tells me how she's here for work and the dude is studying. She asks me whether I'm from here ("You can tell by my not so perfect French," I say, and she goes "No, no, you're really good!"), and reaches out to touch my shoulder when a tram comes behind me and we take a few steps back to save our lives.
At this point she actively switches to High German. The guy is entirely silent - he does not know the language.
We get to how she does theater (which is where she knows the guy from, turns out) and she does some dramatic gestures to highlight the point - which I mirror teasingly. Then I say:
"Ah, fascinating. In theater you can really express yourself completely... in fact, I used to do it too (Semi-bullshit). I find that it is like putting on a mask... behind which you can feel anonymous and totally free."
We begin walking again and I get what they do (Working and studying respectively), and do some eliciting and deep diving on the girl, finding out she'd do medicine if she had to choose again. I feed it back to her as 'her wanting to help people' and qualify her on it. She guessed correctly what I do and earns a high-five from me, which lingers.
At some point she catches the guy up briefly, and we're back to French. I go to SOT culture and how the city is so international, and whether and how they've noticed it personally. They jump in eagerly to help me with some words I didn't find.
Actually find out the dude is studying quantum engineering and I relate that to a Quantum Mechanics course I had and qualify him on it, feeding is ego. We stop at an intersection in the train station and the girl ask for my name, and I get theirs. I propose (to the girl) we grab coffee sometime if they're here, and show curiosity towards them. She happily whips out her phone and I put in my number and she calls me so I have hers.
Analysis
What I did well:
-Followed the baby-step "get close" - so simple but so effective. Only danger here is that you better open as quick as reasonable, because you don't want to end up following her around stuck in a limbo haha.
-Opened a two-set
-Guided conversation into SOT's well
-Closed the two-set girl
What I can improve:
-Approach with even more consistency
-Stay in set for as long as possible. With girl2, I ejected because I read her signs and overall my vibe and voice tonality felt like a mess. But I could try to stay while going into a reality-pace from an RPO or some other SOT to engage her in - the entire point of seduction is to learn how to influence girls, even if they might not be immediately into you from the get-go. So will need to change my mindset there.
-Better eye contact, better S.E.C.T
Outlook
The main questions I have is how much to involve the other person. If it's a guy like this where they're obviously not so close, I can more or less ignore him. In this case it was easier since he was naturally quiet and literally did not understand most of conversation - will have to calibrate for other situations. Also, girl was super receptive so will have to think about how to frame it when I need to charm the group.
If she's with a girl, I guess I charm them both while keeping a focus on the main target. For the opener, there needs to be a strong focus on energy verging, because as Gunwitch mentions the harshest blowouts come from failing this key.
On another note, I started listening to David Rikers Language Course, as it turns out to seem to answer many NLP and related questions that had been piling up! Plus, both Teevster and Bacchus recommending it speaks volumes.
For this week I don't know how much I can go out, but will continue digesting theory and excited to continue as soon as possible. There is possible (semi-forced) military service looming in the background though, which would keep me away for 6 months starting next January... but other life lessons to be learned. I'd miss my long hair though.
Walking towards the Uni gym, coming down from the tram station. It's a sunny, warm, and slightly windy day. See a brunette in bright jeans sitting on the stone elevated sidewalk.
"Excuse me, I have to say... I like your choice of where to sit down," I say. She replies something as she looks up all startled and is met by my warm smile.
"Yeah. You know, it's interesting how... certain people can just sit down, wherever, and make that spot they are sitting int theirs. Like, they totally own the space and can feel comfortable. I find that usually, these people are open-minded and spontaneous."
She makes sounds of agreement. "Oh, do you want my spot?" she says teasingly.
"Haha, no, no, I'm good. How could I take over your perfect spot. Thanks though," I say, and then act as if I just decided to tell her something. "In fact, I just noticed something... and I need a second perspective. Have you ever noticed how on warm days like these... where you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin... and the wind on your face... how it makes you feel open-minded... and happy?"
I was worried of overusing the same punchline "open-minded and spontaneous/adventurous" so in the moment I came up with that.
Then go into what she was here for (Long-Covid study she's participating in), segway into where she'd go if Covid vanished (The sea) and make some immersive statements about feeling the expansiveness and freedom when standing next to the seemingly infinite water. She agrees.
Then do a time-constraint, and get her number.
Her name is sort of exotic. Ask where its from - and have her tell me something in her language. She apparently literally says "tell me something".
"Ah, that sounded amazing. You could've literally told me 'I love you' and I wouldn't know!"
I leave amidst her giggles.
Girl 2: Bike girl
Cute brunette with blonde eyes unlocking her bike. She has a pullover which she takes off which is very similar to one I have. Walk up with an amused, almost grinning look and stop next to her.
"You know," I start, "I have... like, almost the exact same pullover. Looks like you have a great sense of fashion."
"Oh really?" she smiles at me.
"Yeah. You know, one of these days, you'll see me in the city, driving past on your bike... and you'll go: "Ayyy, great fashion!"
She giggles at that, but then turns back to her bike. I take this as a hint and eject, which is a bad habit.
I thought about this and realized I could have a transition cold read, for another deeper rainbow ruse.
"Hey, you give me the energy that you're a very lively and passionate person. ... I bet you like going outside on adventures... but sometimes also just like to stay at home, relax, and recharge your energy."
Girl 3:
Walking past my newly-found bench. Brunette with blue eyes and a mask on.
She walks a bit away and I kinda call "Hey, excuse me," as she walks past. She stops and turns. Mirror neurons activated.
"Yes, you - I have a VERY important question. Come over here," I say, doing the come-hither motion.
"No, I can't," she laughs.
"Yes you can. Are you from here?"
"No, I'm not," she laughs again, and takes that as not being able to answer my important question and hurries off again. Maybe she was in a rush.
All the time, I was sitting while she was standing. Maybe I could've "locked her in" by standing up slowly and getting closer. She isn't likely to walk away if she sees be stand up extra for her after stating I need her help - but who knows. I actually expected her to come to me when I told her so, with gesture and all.
Girl 4:
Incredibly hot blonde with blue eyes walking past me. Doesn't look at me, ignored my opener. Oh man. Need to be more assertive!
Girl 5: Vietnam girl
Crossing a narrow bridge in the city, cute Asian in a mask walking my way. Stop her with the "Are you from the area", punchline "she has a comfortable way of walking,..." and ask where she's from.
"Vietnam," she says.
Ask her what brought her here.
"Studying. But now I'm going to work."
"Oh, so you came here to study, and also got a job here? That sounds exciting," I say.
"Yes. But I have to go to work now, thanks!" And she continues.
Here I really need to have a quicker immersion, especially if she has somewhere to be I can't just go the casual→ Fun/Interesting→ Immersive/Stimulating route and should jump straight to an immersive question. Maybe a rainbow ruse is a good solution here.
Analysis
What I did well:
-Kept my consistency and did the approaches I told myself I'd do
What I can improve:
-Really stick longer in the sets. MAKE IT HAPPEN. Use whatever I can to get the girl to stick! I.e. rainbow ruses and interest baits combined with open loops. Don't know how to integrate open loops reliably though. Or transition into a reality-pace and stimulate from there.
-Open more assertively for girls on the move
-Stimulate faster for girls on the rapid move that are going somewhere
-Do better contrasting and listing. Take girl 1 with the sea: After one or two sentences, it was over. One way is to do this for practice, then go into more casual threads of "when was the last time you were at the sea?" and then transition into vacation → travel →...
Outlook
This week I went out more to play Volleyball and stayed at home for some meetings so not many approaches, but I'm happy at keeping my consistency. For me, this is incredibly important and I value it a lot.
Update:
Had a packed 3 weeks. An exam, military recruitment, and all the social catch-up events. Did approaches of course, but didn't go anywhere. I wasn't very good at opening assertively.
On the other hand, it's official: I'll be going to the Military in the middle of January for about 4 months. I optimized certain things so I go the position I wanted - but damn Switzerland for forced drafting haha.
Week 21.06
Outing 1: 21.06
Background
Super warm day, go out to go to the gym and study, then do some approaches.
By the time I go to approach (6pm) the weather has surprisingly shifted and is starting to become cloudy - the promise of rain is in the air.
HBRTravel INSTADATE
I'm standing by the bridge I met HBLatvia, admiring the darkening skies, sparkling water, and towering alps in the distance.
Super beautiful brunette walks along the bridge and makes eye contact. She has subtly colorful pants and a white summer-like top - highlighting a sexy and alluring figure.
She walks to the end, stops, turns, and starts walking in my direction, again making eye contact.
"Excuse me," I say while picking up my backpack and quickly getting to her as she whipped out her phone, presumably just thinking 'Ah, cute guy, nice eye contact - but when has anything more ever happened?'
"Do you know who you look exactly like?" I ask in English.
She puts her hands on her chest.
"Aww, thanks!" She replies.
Even when writing this, I still don't know what she thought I said.
"Wait, you didn't yet - oh well, where are you from?" I say.
"I'm from Russia... I have an appointment, so sorry," she says. "I have to go in this direction."
"Oh, I can walk in this direction too," I go. We slowly start walking, but she's like: "Oh, I'd rather walk alone... if you get what I mean," but super sweetly.
A part of me is thinking of a similar rejection I got the week before, and I'm a second away from just wishing her a nice day.
"Ah, don't shatter my heart into 25 pieces!" I say dramatically while holding my chest.
"Nooo, glue it back together!" She exclaims.
"So hard, so hard..." I go, and before I can even launch into a rainbow ruse or whatever I can sense something click and she's totally focused on me and hooked. Starts asking me if I'm from here.
Turns out she's half Russian and half French, and here for a day - to meet her old schoolmates. Works some international job, likes it.
"Ah, you know, I would've guessed you're either a businesswoman, or an artist," I experiment with when I get what she does. But the creative artist frame isn't so smooth because I'm not so sure what to do with it. In hindsight, just ask: "What's your creative outlet?" and then go into parts of how she got into it, how long she's been doing it, future plans, what is is about it she enjoys the most...
To her international job, I say "I can see you have the energy of someone who enjoys travelling to new places, experiences new things, and has the openness to be able to enjoy exciting new change as it comes"
I will say one thing - pacing and leading worked like a bomb with this girl. Or maybe because I was using it effectively (relatively speaking haha - I'm a newb!)
"I'm sure you must be really excited," I smile referring to her old schoolmates. "Isn't it interesting... to see how people you have been separated from for a long time have developed?"
From there I go into what her reputation probably was as a kid.
She quickly asks me questions in rapid succession, like whether I'm from here, what I do, specifically what I do, what I'm out for now... and whether I'm in a huge stress now because of exams teasingly.
I tell her what I do, but also say my passion is music. She's like, but they're so incompatible! You must be so logical!
"Well... actually, somewhere deep in my core, I indeed like to have things organized and structured... but that's a SECRET! Just between you and I, ok?" I say.
She just giggles.
"Oh dear... can I trust you with my secrets? Or will you just sell them," I gaze at her. Eye contact was generally good, now that I think of it.
She giggles, responds, then asks me what I'm up to.
I say I finished studying and decided to go for a longer walk... and launch into a rich description of the environment.
"Have you noticed... how fascinating the weather is now? A dichotomy of sunshine and storm clouds in the distance, the light sense of the increasing wind on your face... and the beautiful mountains in the distance."
I can tell this makes her light up.
"Yes! I especially love the colour of the water," she goes.
At this point I realize that "meeting" of hers wasn't so important at all...
But we are standing a bit far apart. In the course of conversation I slowly get closer. Sounds ominous writing it like that, but keeping your body turned a bit away from her makes it far more natural.
She suggests we walk a bit, and I start leading us to the lake where I know there are great spots.
Get how she grew up in Russia and then moved to France. If she could do anything at all, she'd be a travel blogger. Vibe on that, tell her I can see her in that role... and then go into a half-NARC qualifier where I comment on how I can tell she's passionate and it shows bravery, openness, and courage to travel, seeing different cultures, meeting new people, being open for new experiences and being able to enjoy them...
She asks me what my plans are. I answer her truthfully, then backtrack with "But obviously, I'll actually become a travel blogger. We'll run off together. Actually, do you like beaches?"
She looks at me and nods slowly.
"Like, let me ask you: How long could you stay at a beach without getting bored?"
She laughs. "Oh, like one day!"
"I thought so," I smile, "I got the feeling that you aren't the type of person to sit still."
"And what about you?" she shoots back.
"Me? Same, one day. Hmm, maybe just half a day actually, because I'd get sunburnt already. But you know what - we'd be those that then went to explore the other surrounding areas, the actually interesting parts, and have our own adventure," I future project and set an us-vs-them frame.
Get what she likes to do in her free time, which is going swimming twice in that popular river in France. Unfortunately I don't have much to add to that in the moment. She asks what I do.
"Well... the answer I normally give people... is that I like to play Volleyball," I interest-bait.
Then we reach a large street and I save her slow pretty ass from a tram - perfect for incidental touch and a hint of excitement. She tells me how in Russia, no one cares about traffic rules - not even the buses. "You must be super familiar with navigating chaotic situations then," I say leading us to the lake.
Find a bench 'hidden' from the street and pedestrians behind trimmed bushes with all the view on the increasingly agitated lake and swirling dark clouds where I lead us to sit down. Lighting streaks in the distance. We're closer now, so touch is easier. I actually get the urge to kiss her.
"Thunderstorms are something fascinating," I say, "Like, imagine you are inside somewhere while a storm rages outside. You hear the roar of the thunder... the pattering of the rain... the majesty of the world... and can't help but feel a sense of excitement... and feel joy at being alive."
Then conversation gets back to travel, I do some more future projecting about that travel blog, but "obviously, I'll be the model," I smirk while referring to my face. That gets her bursting in laughter.
At some point I ask her when she'll be back in the city, and she happily puts in her number.
I was actually struggling a bit with conversation, since she switched topics so quickly and fluidly it was nary impossible to stick to one thing. Also, I think I could've spun this future projecting thing more heavily. Have her imagine us dream-team, travelling the world, visiting all the hidden and special places where it's just us, away from boring tourist spots (Us-vs-Them)... and have her paint it out. Mini-roleplays of situations (We're in the jungle, find the last fruit... I can have her imagine me wrestle her down and be selfish, before being nice and giving her a bite; Or give her silly choices like: Turn left and you'll have to fight a crocodile, turn right and it'll be a python...)
Generally, stimulating her emotions and imagination in a positive way (Riker's phrase, but he doesn't use this type of stimulation).
Will have to give it a shot! And it's easy to sexualize conversation if I make her imagine me pinning her down and her trying to seduce me... in a totally hypothetical manner in this fictitious situation , of course.
At this point it begins to rain more heavily and we stand up and walk towards my train station. I get out my flimsy tiny umbrella that HBVampire had already been led under, and as I hold it in my right hand she snuggles to my left and puts her arm in mine.
So here I was, walking through the increasingly stormy city with a Russian/French beauty with her arm in mine. She's actually a bit taller than I am (she was tall - for a girl), which was funny because it's the first time I had this.
Have her help me flip the umbrella when it inevitably overturns, and I do the most effective pace of the evening.
"Isn't is exciting? Here we are, walking together under this umbrella, with the rain around us and the dark clouds above... and it just GIVES YOU a sense of... adventure... and excitement," I say, gesturing around us.
She thinks about it for a moment, and then very animatedly and excitedly goes "YEAH!!"
Heh - she's so lovely.
I lead her all the way, at some point we speak French because she was curious about Switzerland having four official languages. She gets the cutest, wide, squinted-eyes smile when I do so. Tells me I speak really good, and it's just interesting because one can tell I'm thinking about the words and everything.
For the goodbye, she puts out her hand really cutely but I open my arms. Here there's a slight misunderstanding because I was going for a hug, and then gets close and does the cheek kiss thing with the really loud 'Mmphuah'. Hahahahha I just cracked myself up trying to put that as a word xD
Why did I not go for a close? Because I'm an IDIOT! More accurately, I had somehow fixated myself in the modus operandi of not even thinking about it really, and had that "meeting with old classmates" she had somewhere in the back of my mind. But actually, that meeting was so irrelevant it didn't matter, because I think I recall her saying she was going to a sports bar to watch the football game.
Plus, I didn't screen for logistics. Bad move, bad move, bad move. No 5 minutes after we parted I stopped in my tracks and thought to myself subtly, "WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE - WHAT WAS I THINKING???"
But here's the funny conclusion to this instadate:
It "saved my life".
That storm cloud I talked about?
It turns out that there was hail the size of marbles ambushing the entire region... those things can dent cars!
And when I arrived home, it was all over. If I hadn't had this encounter, it would've hit me too.
Fortune is on my side.
Me: Remember the rain cloud we saw? My train is drowning under it now
Her: Great - in the train under the rain)
Me: Are you secretely a poet? ;p I think you have potential
Her: Thank you <name>
Her: You yoo, can be an artistic ingeneer
Her: Good night)
Me: Only until we run off to become travel bloggers
Me: Good night
Did I mention her English wasn't the best?
Analysis
What I did well
-Approached upon getting AI
-Good pacing and leading - also deriving new information about her from what I know (e.g., she likes travel - so she must be open, curious, passionate...) and add my "interpretations".
-Good leading her physically
-Good eye contact
-Good persisting through a seeming rejection - it was honestly a surprise
What I can improve
-Had trouble with conversation steering. Because I'm used to getting to one SOT, using descriptive language or whatever and eliciting values, it seems like the good points go over far too quickly. To remedy this, I'll think about the SOT's I steer things towards and make a list of several different parts of it (It's actually a Riker exercise I'll jump to).
-Maybe a bit "one-trick-pony-esque" with the cold reading/rainbow ruses that create the next conversation thread. She shifted quickly from one thing to the next, so need to learn how to deal with that better. Here I dealt with it with interspersed cocky-funny chase frames elements.
-Didn't introduce any sexual frames, although the tension existed non-verbally.
-SCREEN FOR LOGISTICS. Be more in the moment and start thinking about potential pulling!!!
Outlook - Future Deliberate Practice
Overall, a nice way to get back into the field. I know the points I need to work on which include better SOT management and conversation steering, especially for longer conversations.
I'm also digesting and thinking of a "training plan" of sorts based on all the resources available, such as SMMA, Riker, and obviously GC fundamentals and mindsets. Not so easy to narrow down what's truly going to help me the most, though, according to the 80/20 rule where 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts.
Update 07.06:
Past two weeks life got in the way. Also had far more social scene that I fell into too easily that hindered me. When you realize that doesn't leave much time for approaching, it's already too late haha. Am now more conscious of it and will carve out time deliberately to continue my regular approaching sessions.
On the other hand, in more intimate social settings I've been falling into my natural cocky-funny cultivated personality with plenty of touch and chase frames... and then, deeper in the night when the pacing has slowed, show some vulnerability and show the new, NLP-style layer of me... with hidden thoughtfulness, passion, and sensuality. At least that's what I hope - I don't need to toot my own horn too much here, after all.
Practiced linking (I have my doubts about that one... but who am I to disprove it, so I'll dutifully learn it anyway), expanded heavily on SOT connection, and tried plenty of phrases like ("As you find yourself noticing a sense of attraction and allure...", "...where you suddenly can't help but find yourself drawn to him, and can imagine that yes... this could become something...")
Taking in the context of the guy she's in a "courtship" with, while plenty of touch and gesturing to me...
This only works when it's few people though. In this case it was me, beautiful girl, and another dude, having drinks under the night sky.
The girl and I don't know each other for long, this was the third time we could actually talk together for longer than 5 minutes. She's very charismatic, beautiful, and reserved at the same time. The type that doesn't go to party and works a lot. Very witty but easily shocked haha.
Lovely creature.
This week will be busy, but after that it'll be better. I'll still do my best to go out twice this week.
Another exciting thing is the 12-week-year challenge @Skippy and I are doing, where we analyzed our sticking points and set a targeted plan to improve. In our case it's just approaching enough, getting enough volume! So ya'll have free reign to keep us accountable
I'll post an outing FR from last week to keep the ball moving:
Outing 1: 1.06
Background
Busy until Thursday.
Girl 1: Autumn Colours
I'm sitting by a wall. She walks by in various shades of brown - very autumn-ny.
Open, but she's not as cute as hoped and I let conversation stall soon after.
Girl 2: HB Liechtenstein
In the main station. Brunette with blue eyes leaning against a wall at a meeting spot.
I walk up near her and "notice" her.
"Hey..." I say, and get her attention. "You look EXACTLY like someone I know..."
Her blue eyes giggle at me over her FFP2 mask (I don't know how she looks haha - but seems very promising). The guy standing next to her looks and then turns away again.
"Yeah... do you happen to be French by any chance?"
"Oh, no, I'm from Liechtenstein," she says.
Flashes of jokes pass my mind. I think about whether to make a humorous vibe of what happens often enough - which is Switzerland accidentally invading Liechtenstein. It's because the border passes through a forest, and when a division of troops turns right instead of left in the middle of the night they end up marching into the wrong country hahaha. Happens often enough that one can make jokes out of it, too.
Well, I also think about going for the "What brought you here", but still feels too abrupt so the plan is to go "Interesting... because my ex girlfriend was from France. You look just like her... except you have a different energy behind your eyes."
And then a rainbow ruse of "You seem like someone who is open to new things. I bet you love to travel and try many things... but also surely have moments where you just want to relax and recharge. Would you say that's right?"
And then: "You know, if I were to ask you... what is something you really enjoy doing... what would you say?"
Here there is something interesting I have been considering. What I'm always trying to do is to lead to the Golden Question or into something she does and eliciting values from that. This differs from @Kvothe and @Skippy type game where they will continue with an SOT like travel or differences between cities. As far as I can tell, @Lofty also goes for SOT themes with a stronger focus on contrasting and lots of embedded commands with strong pacing and leading. Especially the way he can paint pictures with words is worthy of admiration. Because the more I set out to learn indirect without cocky-funny elements, the more I find myself realizing I have a lot to improve in terms of immersing, creating liminal bubbles, and guiding her thoughts and feelings through my voice and words...
Like, currently I can do some decent pacing and leading like in RPO's, but when it goes beyond that it quickly runs into seeming repetitious (if on dates, for example) and a general insecurity of how to proceed. Yes, casual->interesting->engaging->Sexual->Repeat... is the guideline that I'm working towards, but it's still choppy.
The main issue I run in is that I'll start a topic, and it will be over far too quickly, or the conversation will naturally have shifted quickly. Essentially, I don't have enough material for each SOT that I could talk about for 15 minutes. But that's a good realization - because that can be prepared! I have already started picking some SOT's I run into more often or that I prefer anyway and writing down up to 10 different parts of that, and also 5 different surrounding conversational terrain that can lead into it. Sometimes I surprise myself with what I come up with, and it's super fascinating.
So, having different parts at the ready, I can lead into the SOT, talk about one part of it (or several), deepen those, and then... have the SOT as the open loop, and have a way to get back to it after?
For instance, let's take the SOT connection. One part of it would be... connection with pets. From there it's natural to go into whether she had pets growing up, what types of animals she likes, what that says about her... and then hopefully to back to connection, and continue with connection with family. Then go into what her relation with her family is, that leads well into SOT childhood...
I'm realizing my main problem is me switching the topics FAR TO FAST. I would most likely do well to force myself to slow down and stick to one topic for longer. Then just cycle back to the hopefully created open-loop.
Back to the different styles: I just wonder if there's a difference. This is mainly meant when opening in daygame, after the rainbow ruse. I imagine introducing and staying on an SOT and expanding it is even more indirect-type game... and the topic of her (if going into Golden Question) is the most interesting SOT there is So it hits better when it does, but has more risk attached to getting to that point. But this might be rather trivial.
Well, before I get far in the interaction her friend arrives, and that was that. Attention only on her and since I couldn't even build rapport or immersion yet it's too awkward to close. So I eject.
What's weird is that in this outing I had two other girls I was about to approach that in that moment met up with someone...
Analysis
What I did well
-Good eye contact, slower talking
-Increased use of trance words and embedded commands (in admittedly 'social circle' type setting - but great practice)
What I can improve
-Consistent follow-up, even if not smooth
-STAY LONGER ON TOPICS: Keep SOT as open loop and cycle back
It's a Friday. My outfit: Red pullover, necklace with pendent hanging over & blue jeans. I have a ring on my left hand.
Girl 1:
Walking past spot I'm post-upped further in the busier street where it peters off.
She's walking 1.5m away from me - and does not react in any way to my attention-grabbing hand gesture as I go "Hey"
I have my backpack on the ground, so just leaving it is harder. Maybe I should see her from afar, not look and grab it, start walking, and then open?
Girl 2:
On a bridge, cutie in checkered pants, sunglasses, and showing midriff walking my way.
Open with 'area' opener. She's laughing nervously at the new situation for her.
"How long have you been here?" I ask.
"You mean, in the city?"
"Yes, I suppose." I say. Alternative I was thinking about was saying, "Well, you've been on this bridge for like 10 seconds"
"Ahh haha, 5 years," she says
"I'm sure you study something," I go and we get into that briefly.
But again, it's too bantery/social and when she goes "Oh, I have to get going, bye!" there wasn't enough immersion built. Nor was it congruent to close - although here I should've, but wasn't thinking on my feet enough.
Girl 3:
Girl from Turkey. Walking in white/black summer dress at busier street. Walking slowly because she's on her phone.
Doesn't really know English, switch to German. Kinda ok there.
The vibe was om immediately - I'm getting very good at projecting a warm vibe.
Ask where she's from, she says Switzerland... I ask before that. Turkey. Came her because of her family.
I realize I should redeliver the opener so it's not me hitting on her, but rather hitting on her smoothly and with a good premise set.
I tell her I noticed her warm summer vibe from her outfit and the way she was walking. This makes her light up even more and start stroking her dark hair.
We stop a few moments after - it's the main train station right next to us, and tram stations where we were - she had to go there.
Still rather short interaction, but I still suggest coffee. She declines, but was equally giggly and matching my vibe so we part ways basically still 'laughing'.
Should've persisted stronger there. I need to prepare this.
Girl 4
Ex-gf opener.
Was getting stressed to do the last approach before my train arrives. Inside underground train station.
Cute, blonde girl. (Yes, I like blondes <3)
Tease her, go a variation of what Bacchus wrote in the chat.
"Oh, I don't know if I can tell you... there are some people who don't like to be compared. Others, however, really want to know who they look like."
Her attention is on all me now. I give her the answer soon. Also, she has a different energy behind her eyes...
She's from outskirts city - is here because she brought her boyfriend to the airport.
"I get the sense from you... that you enjoy doing activities outside," I cold read. It hits really well.
"Yes, yes I do!!" She goes.
"Yes; What do you like doing?" I ask.
"I like hiking, jogging, roller blading," she says.
"Ahh, yes. You like going outside and in environments and nature, and moving your body, feeling the moment and the surroundings... [as everything else fades away - should've added this!]" I smile, "You know, there are different types of people. Some of them just like to sit inside and stare in front of a monitor... while others... enjoy going outside... being in the moment... being ALIVE! There's not many of us, but it's always great meeting people like us, don't you think?"
Trying out contrasting there.
She agrees, smiling and blushing.
"In fact, I'd say says something about the person. They are OPEN, spontaneous, and passionate - a joy for being alive!. [It gives them the strength of not being able to not care what others think, and being able to make the decisions THEY WANT without letting SOCIETAL EXPECTATIONS get in the way... and it's something beautiful, wouldn't you agree?]"
Soon after tell her my train is leaving in a minute, but push for a close.
She blushes furiously and with the same smile goes like "Nooo, I can't!"
In the moment it does rather seem like she can't, and she was not stunning enough for me to throw it all in the wind to persist. She did get a noticeable attraction boost just by that blushing and smiling face though hahaha.
For the future, two variants:
Pace and lead and trivialize: Oh, fate brought us together, qualify her on traits, isn't it amazing how life can be spontaneous, you're strong independent woman who can make her own decisions - and it's just coffe! We'll just be friends
I don't want to be your boyfriend - so perfect You're not married yet, I feel like we have a deeper connection, don't you think?...
Outing 2: 10.07
Background
Had my colourful shirt on as second layer, with white linen pants and a black t-shirt as first layer.
Lots of people stared at me haha. It's the shirt.
It's a sunny Saturday - the city is just full of families and groups. There's also more traffic that kinda throws me off a bit.
Girl 1:
Walking alongside Uni to get to gym. Brunette in sundress.
Open with area opener, she's from over the hill but still the city. It's rather bantery.
Then when it's 'confirmed' she's still from the city I go: "Yeah, I could tell from your smile. Very self-confident."
This would've been a great moment to insert a rainbow ruse. But it seems like it acitvated FSC or something, people after she laughs the next thing she says is she has to continue. And still not far enough in interaction I can propose grabbing coffee, so that's that.
Two potential improvements:
Have a RPO to launch into as soon as possible
Be more sexual and immersive by talking slower after the opener. It was very casual/fun, but that's apparently not enough
Girl 2:
Green eyes with mask at busy street. Open with ex-gf, she's a bit older than expected. She answers "of course I have a different energy - we're different people!"
She gives the nervous-ish vibe of 'why are we talking' and I soon let her go.
Going causal when the girl is busy or it's a more chaotic street seems to be pretty hard to pull off - she needs to be into you from the get-go.
I think I'll just need to whip out a reality pace soon after the opener to get her to hook.
Also, remembered to finally record my interaction. I realized I spoke too quickly and not enough from the chest area. Great to know!
Girl 3: HBEccentricPianist
Red skirt, voluminous dark brown hair. Somewhat Asian looking. Gorgeous.
Open with area opener, don't have a rainbow ruse for after.
There's a pause, she's unsure why I'm talking to her and where this is going. l tease her about her unsureness - which could backfire, but I project a warm and confident vibe which helps.
Get where she's from (G), cold read what she's here for an get what she does for real. I feel those transitions aren't as smooth as they could be.
Maybe I should go: "I get the energy from you... that you'd like to do something social... and maybe can pursue that in your career or studies. Is that right?"
Yeah, that's much better.
Well, find out she's a professional pianist. She's a rather eccentric person, one of the first things she says is "I don't like when people talk to me," which I bulldoze through.
In hindsight, in the future I can go: "Oh yes, I get you completely. Sometimes, all you want is to be left alone and not be forced to smile for appearances. And sometimes, you feel that way at first and then SUDDENLY FIND YOURSELF realizing it's an interesting person you know you can feel comfortable and open with... it's amazing when that happens, wouldn't you agree?"
Despite what seems like verbal objections I start getting social key and she asks me where I'm from, and soon wants to know where I'm going to - and follows me. Turns out she has no plans is just trying to adapt to the city. She also screens me on my age, saying I look like I'm 20. "24," I tell her.
Qualify briefly on her strength to pursue music instead of the path chosen for her, could've elaborated more. Used contrast frames when I qualify on her being able to look at the future and not be stuck in the past, unlike most people...
Missed opportunity for strong contrast frames would've been when she told me her reason for wanting to move her: She fell in love with her neighbor, but it fell apart when she had dreams of a house together or whatnot and he just wanted to smoke pot. "I thought he'd be more mature," she said.
So here I could talk about some people being content not taking risks, not embracing the new, not following their hearts... and the others being able to dream, be spontaneous, and GRAB life by the HORNS...
We stop walking at the place I had to go to and conversation continues for a while before I close. Get age objection again as she agrees, I handle it like this:
"Oh, you know, age is usually used as a reference point. An average 10 year-old acts like an average 10y/o, and an average 45y/o acts like a 45y/o. This is just the general case though, and that's why we usually associate an age with a certain behavior. Generally, this is true, but you definitely have exceptions to everything, right? And then age doesn't matter because it's the PERSON that matters - wouldn't you agree?"
I don't put it as eloquently as that, but that's the frame I'm trying out when running into these situations. Which is only a new thing - social circle, where the girl knows my real age, and now this case. So she was like 30 but did not look a day over 22 hahaha. So lovely.
It's also the first interaction I remembered to record. Listening to it, it seems it went rather better than it felt like, interestingly enough.
Texted her: "Hey, I just noticed something about you"
Her: "Hey"
...
Lol but then she hooked better after my follow-up message and we now have a date next Friday! Used @Skillssoft close method as it's clear my texting game can use improvement and I'm eager to learn - and it worked. Here's how it went (probably still bad haha):
Me: Reminds you of where you used to live? Interesting
Her: It reminds me of ***, where i grew up
Me: Almost every city has that type of area. So that means you'll be comfortable anywhere - if you can just find it Me: *** is beautiful too - especially the lake. Where would you usually go to wind down and relax?
Her: i don't do that Her: but I would say, the lake Her: or one of the rivers
Me: You don't relax? Poor you ;p Me: Agreed! If you're here next week, we can go chill by the river //in reply to "or one of the rivers"
Her: I relax at home. in public I'm always kind of stressed. Her: i usually don't chill Her: it's hard for me to chill Her: i'll try. if I get annoyed, i'll just tell you
Analysis
What I did well
- Pushed for the close whenever reasonably possible (girl not gone after 3 sentences)
-Pushed myself to do 4 approaches the first outing. Second outing got cut "short" because of the longer interaction with the girl, which I count as okay - because it means I'm out and interacting and learning.
-Used more contrasting to try it out. On the other hand, didn't use much NARC qualifiers.
-Used more "immersion" language, pacing and leading, reframing.
What I can improve
-Get better at opening when I'm posted up on the side of the street and girls walk by me. Open quicker, too! I lost a few because I waited too long and they were long gone
-Quicker use of immersion tech. I went rather casual these two outings and it works when they're not in a hurry, but fails otherwise. This means a rainbow ruse or a RPO
-Talk slower after the opener
-More NARC qualifiers. But they can only come after some deep diving, which I can't go too fast on or else FSC will kick in.
-Cut banter quicker/entirely(?) if she's not hooked yet - at least the more polarizing type ("I could see it in your smile" - I actually love this one for some reason)
Outlook
The higher volume plan has started, and is already showing. I've gone to more populated areas for this, which brings its own opportunities and challenges.
Went out 3 times this week. Did 9 approaches in the first two outings, but were generally weak and didn't get far.
Main thing I learned - don't wait around before approaching! Especially when you're walking behind her. Hesitating for too long is a death sentence.
Last "outing" was a Saturday evening, after studying and before meeting with a friend. Miscalculated the time and only had time for one longer approach:
Background
Went out before meeting with my gay friend and his female friend that wanted to meet me. For some reason he's getting all his female friends asking to see me hahaha.
One approach, one number
Girl 1:
Brazilian girl. Slowly passing me, I learn from my lessons and open without waiting.
Area opener. Soon rainbow ruse she puts outgoing/energetic façade, but is actually quite thoughtful (because she was telling me she was deep in thoughts, and even proceeding to tell me what she was thinking about).
She's rather talkative but spins things into worrying about stuff, e.g. her sister who's man just left her. Also how she herself used to be very clingy and needy in relationships, and had to learn to suppress it because it was too much for men.
Here I use contrast frames.
"It depends on the person. For some men, they don't have THEMSELVES and their lives handled, so they're much less capable of handling two people... on the other hand, the men that have their stuff together and a clear direction forwards (point to myself)... those are the ones you don't need to [suppress yourself with and feel allowed to be girly and loving]." I say.
She's a gorgeous Brazilian. She asks for my name at some point.
She also asks me after 10 minutes where I live, and whether I live alone... and she lives in the outskirts on the city, also alone. Social key, baby.
When I close she asks about age. She guesses I'm 32... I tell her 29.
She also says I "look intelligent - too intelligent for her," and that I have that corresponding "sparkle" in my eyes. Cold reads me what I do.
Goodbye is a prolonged fistbump (I shook her hand and held it when she asked my name. I'm ok with this, because for the next meet I hug her hello and then that precedent is set.)
Analysis
What I did well
-Pushed myself to open more
-Got more familiar with busier areas
-Learned to approach faster
-Fostered lots of positive mindsets in the field - I'm going to be out anyway, and it's my choice whether I enjoy it or not! To bridge the times before you get that one great interaction that makes you fall in love with girls all over again.
-Used contrast frames with linking
What I can improve
-Push more in the interactions. Gave up too soon if it seemed like girl was uninterested/unreceptive
-Craft more rainbow ruses. Still not so smooth and natural to use them, especially in busier areas.
-Review goals and tactics before each outing. Realized it's missing the point of analyzing and creating small tactics to advance my sticking points... if I don't think to use them. Did this for the second half of the week and it worked far better - duh! xD
-Sometimes I didn't open because I felt the openers wouldn't fit the situation. That's bullshit - just say "hi" and go from there! And every time I did that and still used material, the objections I had before were all insignificant and the girl didn't even notice/care!
-Conversational management. Sometimes stuck in a limbo between: Do I deep dive; or go to an SOT; or stay casual and follow what she's saying? Do I get more immersive or no? And need to continue getting better at that.
Outlook - Future Deliberate Practice
Didn't go out enough, I really need to set more time and opportunities for myself. Only got 10/20. But slowly I'm getting the feeling that every outing I can at least get one good interaction if I push myself to not eject like a bitch (When feeling tired and lethargic - and then kinda hesitant).
But still, I can smell progress. This week might not be amazing in terms of results, but I feel like in terms of laying the groundwork, it'll pay me off in the long run.
Finished studying at 7pm, then went to different area. More young people.
Three approaches, 2 numbers, 1 instadate.
Girl 1:
Around lunch, I'm going to the city and see this Asian girl walking super, incredibly sexy. Fundamentals on point! I'm not in approaching headspace but after two moments of hesitation, I change my path in the underground train station to catch up to her.
Open with area opener, turns out she's older than I thought. Also slowly starts walking after; she was more confused than anything. Let her go.
Girl 2: HBJapan
In the evening when I go out. Standing by a large bridge in the new area. See this incredibly well-dressed japanese chick in high heels and a swaying ass and white dress go towards me and turn at a crosswalk. I pick up my backpack and go towards her. In the second crosswalk where she's standing (right after), I stand next to her and go:
"Hey, excuse me... has anyone ever told you... that you have a very confident walk?"
She's very confident, not very flustered by my approach. I elaborate a bit à la "Like you're at peace with the surroundings - it strikes out. You know... some people are like, I just have to get from point A to point B... but you're like, I also have to get to B, but I'll own it".
Then go into how "it's beautiful how life can be so spontaneous. And I can tell from your energy... that you're an... open and adventurous person." She agrees.
We continue walking together. Get she's from Japan, what surprised her coming here was the more relaxed culture instead of workaholic of what she's used to. But that's good, because she can FEEL RELAXED and COMFORTABLE...
In Tokyo, she likes to go to different cafés to relax, and people watch. The way I segwayed into this was with a cold read that I feel like she might like swimming (we were walking right next to the lake), especially because it's something relatively new she could try here, and after all she has the energy of such an adventurous and open person... which she agrees with wholeheartedly.
"Oh, so you enjoy just walking around the city, taking it all in... sitting in relaxing, comfortable cafés... and enjoying the moment," I say to the café part.
Of course I ignore the part where she tells me she's here... because she married her husband who's from here.
Rainbow ruse her that she puts up an outgoing and confident façade, but deep down she's very thoughtful... get that flustered look that tells me I'm right. Said it after her telling me that in cafés, she also likes to people watch, and I go "... and judge secretly, I'm sure," with a little tease she vehemently denies.
In hindsight a good opportunity to set anti-judgement frames as well.
When we walk to the area I decide to close, I do it also under the premise that "I'd love to hear more about Tokyo. I need your advice - I'm planning on going there. But it's up to you."
She says her husband would be jealous, but more as a joke. "Oh, we can keep it between us," I assure her.
"It's amazing how life is full of surprises... it's so fascinating how spontaneous things can happen, don't you think?" Are my parting words.
"Hey, I have a VERY important question..." she stops and turns to me.
"Have you ever noticed... how on nice and warm summer days... where you can put on nice summer outfits..." here I gesture towards us both, and she catches on and begins to smile adorably, "it just... makes you feel OPEN... and spontaneous?"
I used really good hand gestures and pauses. My vibe is contagious. This is a small RPO I've been thinking about for girls in summer dresses or outfits.
"Ohh, yes! I put on my favorite dress," she says. She's very warm and sweet, and smiling widely.
Get she's a business student, but not in this city. She immediately asks what I do. I do some light deep diving, then she suggests we walk around a bit if I have time.
Modified golden question, she'd like to cook or travel. We talk about the latter more as I lead her to the lake.
First place she'd go to is New Zealand; I tell her about my planned Japan trip and we talk about her experiences there. When I go into a small story of how my female friend, who's an athlete, had a tournament there, and the special way the TV broadcasts sports there, it seems to make her open up more.
We at some point reach a free bench and I have us sit down.
Some really good banter ensues after we get on the topic of pets. She able to just roll with whatever my crazy mind thinks of.
After I feel it's reached the tipping point, I take a step back and go back to deep diving and SOT's.
I sneak in a "Oh, I look really good with my hair out... but don't imagine my handsomeness now!"
She's like, "Oh, too late! I'm thinking of it now," which is just magnificent. What a fun use of reverse psychology for a chase frame. When I tell you to not think about pink elephants...
Asl qualify her on wanting to make an impact, etc. At several points I couldn't help but getting super aroused looking at her gorgeous face and green eyes... I'm a sucker for green eyes.
One good thing I came up with on the spot I will turn into a gambit for future use, since I liked it so much. Talking about where I'm half from (Don't look like it at all).
"You know, what's interesting... is how different it is. You wouldn't expect it. Like here, everything is really safe... you can walk around at 2am and nothing will happen. But there, on the other hand... you wouldn't even go outside! You take taxis to get everywhere... because otherwise you get mugged, or worse. Because as you might know... it's basically civil war.
But you know what? Despite the people there living hard lives... despite them not getting as old as we do... despite there poverty... they STILL have an enormous... joy in life! They can be happy at the small things, they are content with what they have, they have DRIVE and are able to APPRECIATE and ENJOY life! Isn't that beautiful?"
And then, after some more talk and me revealing what it is they have that is lacking here (It translates to: Pepper up their ass!), say:
"But you know what else? Have you ever noticed... how when you meet people like these, people that are OPEN and ADVENTUROUS and have a LOVE for life... it makes YOU feel equally open and happy? Where you FEEL ALLOWED to express yourself... without holding back?"
Whilst gesturing to us.
Oh, yes, she agrees!
When she tells me how she voluntarily worked in an agriculture program for 2 months while she was writing her masters degree, and how it was amazing and EXACTLY what she needed to keep a balance. I think to myself, "this is a good chance to get her to relive those emotions!" And so I say:
"Interesting. So, IMAGINE YOURSELF back in that moment... standing on the field, with the warm sun... and blue skies above you... and you feel the wind on your face...," and here I gently and slowly carass my face with one finger, and it's during this she gets her really big smile again, "and you just have the feeling... that this is EXACTLY what you need, exactly what you want." (Gesturing to myself).
We then get into what she enjoys doing to keep a balance. Do the same pacing and leading. Tell her about jogging but interest bait that it's only a new thing and I do other stuff.
At a high point I get us standing up again, and we walk towards the train station.
I don't have logistics and neither does she, so I plan on day2 and use this one to build rapport and attraction.
We walk very slowly, and all this while I give her gentle touches on her arm or later hips that I've been doing while we were sitting.
I at some point untie my bun and let my hair down. What's funny is how I approached her wearing a cap but quickly took it off.
My parting words are something akin to "Oh, you don't have to tell me I look great with my hair down," and her looking at me and verbally confirming haha. Warm and lingering hug as goodbye.
Energy/immersion-wise, there was a dip after we started walking after the approach, but it was built back and expanded after we sat down.
She's such a sweet texter, too! But my new texting style surely helped there as well.
Analysis
What I did well
-Went after girls I wanted.
-Good state projection when opening
-Good closing
-Happy with my use of embedded commands
-Found a fun new chase frame
What I can improve
-What I feel I'm lacking is the sexual key. I have this in the sense that I touch her and have strong eye contact, but good sex gambits would be a great boost.
On the topic of touch: I've been reading David Shade's manual recently and one of the quotes he put in there jumped out at me a few days after I read it. All of a sudden, I found myself thinking back to the quote and somehow feeling a hint of understanding... but maybe that's complete BS.
The quote goes as follows:
"One night, I watched her at the window in her sleep. I noticed for the first time, how a woman's underclothes barely touches her skin. How it rides on a cushion of air as she moves. How the silk floats about her body, brushing her flesh like an angel's wings, and I understood how a woman must be touched. " Don Juan DeMarco
How I kind of understand it is to do soft and seemingly innocent touches at times... and other times/areas you are more firm. The reason I thought of this was when I compared to how I touch with buddies (slaps and hits), as opposed to girls... where you're more soft, subtle, and enhancing.
@Linguinator might know more here, as I believe he's more familiar with Shade's material.
Outlook - Future Deliberate Practice
It's rather interesting how last week was not so good, but then this outing, despite me feeling more neutral than positive, went really well.
These past two weeks I've been keeping a focus on speaking from the chest, and it's really helped so far.
The next two outings I had were bad, barely got my approaches in and were generally weak. And it's entirely in my head. It's fine, I take this as great mentality setting practice and stay positive and playful. It's almost fun! Lol.
I realized what it was when I for the sake of momentum went semi-direct (compliment her vibe, the summer-like energy she's exuding...). What I noticed was that I did not spent half a second thinking about the logistics of the approach, you just go up to her!
And in indirect, what you're constantly trying to do is engineer the situation so it flows naturally and smoothly. You do this with nonverbals, positioning and verbals. But you're wracking your brains... while you would not give two hoots about it in direct. Well, not entirely true, but it's far more prevalent in indirect, for me at least.
This is a good observation because it helps me get over it. I know for a fact that if you go in exuding confidence, strong frames, and a positive mindset, experience has shown that she does not care or even think about all those "objections" you had in your head!
As Chase put it recently which I found enlightening: It's not about what she thinks... it's about what you can MAKE HER think.
Brilliant shift in mindset. So powerful, will internalize that more.
------
Will mention one funny moment/approach here. Went to a friends' on Saturday, I leave a bit earlier to go there to do some approaches.
At some point I pass a cute girl with green eyes who looks at my necklace stone and we smile at each other, but I lose her too quickly because there are more people. But then, 15 minutes later in a different part of the city, I stop at a crosswalk and look to my right. And who is standing there, looking at me and smiling? That girl! It's honestly a marvel of fate.
Of course I open, we get talking. HBHistory, because she studies history and has a real passion for it. SOT values of before and now. Qualify on her passion for it. Have her guess what I do. "Theology" is ok, but then "Arabic" is not the answer I was expecting hahaha.
At some point I want to close her and go "Hey, you're a really cool person..." and she's like, "Yes, so are you!!" and we continue talking. Lol. But then I soft close (which I've been doing all the time recently and it's upped my rate) and ask her if she's in the area... and then that we should go grab a coffee sometimes. Enthusiastically agrees. I add a meta-pace about the weather after she puts her number in, qualify on her response, and hug her goodbye. It's the tight hug type which still ends with lingering touch as my fingers slide down her shoulder and arm, squeeze her hand lightly (which gets squeezed back), and only then part.
Funny thing she told me was that when we passed each other the first time, she had had a tiring day, but after seeing my shining stone and my smile it refreshed and uplifted her. Interesting.
Texted her à là second-gen verbals, and soon she sends something. Small exchange. She texts a reply, and 7 minutes later adds out of the blue:
"Btw, you give really good hugs".
----
This week I'll be busy with studying for upcoming exams and intimate social events.
Did two casual approaches the two previous days when about my day and couldn't help myself. Worked real well.
This outing I did two approaches, each went for about 15min. I'm finding it hard to hit 4 approaches for two different reasons at different times: Either I'm in a non-optimal headspace and am in a limbo for approaching; or it's going too well and the interactions go 10-15 minutes - which leaves time for like two approaches. It's a nice "problem" to have, as I can practice better this way for the latter.
Girl 1:
HBFancyGlasses
Cute girl in red jacket walking down, has these interesting glasses with a turquoise frame. I go "hey," wanting to ask about that. Fumbled a bit since I was so unprepared, but it's going there. Set the frame that "people who wear interesting glasses or clothing tend to be the more open and adventurous type".
More deep diving here with SOT sprinkled in.
One thing I wanted to try was display of passion, because that's so attractive to lots of girls, and I have plenty. Did it in the from of an "epic story" of how I love to play volleyball, and how I learned how to do jump serves. Where I always had the dream of doing them, seeing them on TV, and one day I just decided I will learn them and there's nothing that can stop me. And so I did. Every time I served, the only thing I tried was the jump serve. And for half a year, let me tell you, everyone hated me! I would hit the net, on my side of the court, or even hit my own teammates...
But then, I started picking it up, it started going over the net, it started coming really good. And nowadays, they come like a bomb... and I love it so much. It's the feeling of setting a goal... following your dreams... persisting through the hard times... and coming out on top, being able to feel the flushed sense of success and longing... and knowing that it was all worth it.
So that's what I said, and it seemed to work well because she finally uncrossed her arms (only indication of interest I got before was her downward glances after eye contact and her asking me questions) and started becoming even more engaged and even started qualifying how she also used to play. In high school lol - everyone did here, but that's fine.
Number close her, she puts in her full name.
Girl 2:
Saw her charging her phone in a funny way in the underground train station. Go casual on that, easily shift into whether she's from here. We actually take the same train back and get off at the same station. Tbh the conversation was a bit too casual despite my deep dives and SOT's, only sexual key element I had was strong eye contact.
My main thing to figure out is how to better expand on the topics. For instance, this girl tells me she studies architecture. And it's not only the creative part, but about doing something in a context, where people will live in, what area it is, truly doing something for the community. Great, I elicit that... and then I qualify her on it, naturally. And then I go into topic creativity... but I don't have so much to say there at all! I guess it boils down to doing my homework, writing down what topics (SOT's) I come across, and expanding them fully to be more prepared for next time.
Yes, I like that.
I'm also getting to the point where I'm in conversation enough that the lack of sex gambits are becoming apparent, especially for these train ride ones. Same thing last week, except there (don't know if I wrote the outing FR) when she took off her mask I realized, to my dismay, the beauty of her eyes did not extend downwards... plus she just walked off on me, so even less reason to persist.
Outlook - Future Deliberate Practice
Exams are coming up, but I'll still make time for approaching. Even have a date lined up this Wednesday with HBHistory, so we'll see what I can learn from it.
Sunshine for the few minutes I leave the house - dressed accordingly - and cold, rainy clouds for the rest of the day.
Finish studying late, around 7pm, and go down after. Am actually rather cold.
Girl 1: Pink sports shirt
Walk next to her, decide to genuinely compliment her choice in sports shirt. Neon pink that contrasts do incredibly with the silver dark skies...
I don't do any "Hey", just go into it, and it's kinda awkward ahahah. I own it so it's ok, but then I start wondering about how to continue - and she turns away again and that makes me autoreject.
Note to self: Great just opening, but at least be smoother about it!
Girl 2: HBAustrian
Am in the inside of the main station, under the tall roof and essentially open space.
Brunette coming my way, I time my looking up from phone. Open with area opener.
She's from Austria.
Asks me what I do, build a bit of suspense before revealing. She's here for her PhD.
Asks me what I'm doing; standing around and talking to people who have a slow walk? Said with the same big smile she had all along.
"No, not at all! That sounds... funny though. Judging everyone critically," I laugh.
Since she tells me she's from Austria but graduated in Sweden I go into travel SOT a bit, but her response is not what I'm expecting.
"You're funny," she says, "is this some sort of challenge? To see how many minutes you can keep someone?"
I'm like lol, wtf, but say, "Oh haha, no, you know, sometimes... life just throws spontaneous opportunities your way... and you see someone where you just feel... they might be interesting. And then you just take the opportunity and see what develops." Gesture to us.
She laughs but the moment I try to continue deep diving she's like ahahah, funny funny, well you're at what, 3minutes now! And then she pretty much leaves.
Wtf. She saw too many youtube videos, this is a serious seduction ma'am.
Fundamentally, it was my vibe. Positive and bantery (without actually bantering, let it be said), as opposed to positive, sexual, and alluring.
Girl 3: HBJogger
Tall slim brunette in yoga pants showing an amazing body... walks past me and then goes up stairs in the underground train station. She's too sexy and I have no choice but to catch up.
Open with the ex-gf opener, she doesn't understand so English it is.
She's from [L], and asks where my gf was from. France, I say. It fits cause she's French speaking too.
"So you grew up there? And what brought you to this city," I ask.
"Work," she goes.
There's a pause and I do the adventure rainbow ruse. She's tells me it's the other option.
Also get that she likes to plan things, so I say I can feel she's safety-driven. But she has two parts to herself, one that wants safety and assurance... and the other that likes spontaneiety and adventure.
She tells me soon that she's busy, with her upcoming wedding... with her girlfriend, or should she say, fiancé. Hmm
Then we quickly get into Golden Question. She has a passion for running.
"As might be obvious," she says showing her running shoes she has on and indirectly also referring the (god bless) yoga pants.
"Ah yes, it takes a true passion to go out in any weather, any rain, in your running shoes, to proclaim it to the world," I say. Too bantery maybe, but it's a more subtle version.
She tells me she likes the striving towards a goal, making progress, advancing.
Feed it back in a story of how I started jogging due to Corona and fell in love with it.
"I don't know how it is for you... but for me, I love how you are just in the moment, focused and in touch with your body and yourself... pushing yourself to the limits... and being under the sky, in the world, discovering new places... like, do you have these moments where you see a new path, and just wondee where it leads to? And then just go for it? Yes? Yeah, and then you find yourself discovering new places and things," I say.
Talk more about it, then go into what she'd like to do if she could get paid for it. Something creative, she says, like drawing. Qualify on that, but I feel I can do better there. More contrasting and listing. Then praise her artistic spirit.
Then she points upwards and says that's her train which just arrived, and I let her go without closing. Maybe a mistake, but she didn't seem too terribly interested, although I got her engaged at least.
Analysis
So it seems like my vibe is something I need to adapt. I can make it a very warm, inviting, positive one, but it seems that doesn't mesh that well with the material I'm delivering. At least this outing it seemed so.
Other things I'm deeply thinking about is what the structure of the approach should be. I'm constantly wondering whether I should deep dive or go into an SOT... and depending on the approach it's different. For example, using a deep-focus-opener (like "are you from the area") with corresponding rainbow ruse leads into deep diving. But the shift is not always perfectly smooth.
On the other hand, using an RPO leads into SOT's directly. And then I usually shift it into deep diving after a cold read.
So what I'm thinking now is that I should express a more seductive vibe after being in conversation, or probably even already for the opener, and then it doesn't even matter most likely.
The second thing I found myself wondering was how long to stick to an SOT or whatnot. I feel like I shift too quickly. But then let's take HBRunner this outing. Go into jogging, talk about what parts of it she likes... then I shared my story laced with embedded commands.
But I don't know whether I should shut up and keep the focus on her... use the time to get to know her deeper, or explore an SOT together, in the sense that I'd lead from jogging → How sports makes you feel, keeps you alive, spills over into all areas of your life →(What other sport she always wanted to try?)→ us-vs-them frames with "people who do sports are driven people with ambitions in life, no matter what area", then do a "And as you talk with people like these... you can find yourself feeling allowed to share the full expression of who are are… without feeling distanced, or misunderstood, because you just know.. that the other person understands you fully. In fact, these are the people you enjoy meeting, the people you most likely will build deeper connections with, and the type of person you can just imagine falling into passionate relationships with... and having the most fulfilling sex, too. Have you ever noticed how sex just feels so much better and natural when you can let loose... and have someone who can keep up with and match your passion?"
Hmm. So lead conversation from deep diving →SOT→different expressions, related areas → These people are the ones you build connections with → Examples of how and why...
In summary, do a better job of deepening the SOT's that are related to what I deep dived her on.
FR Date HBHistory 4.08
Lovely brunette with green eyes.
Went to Café M at 3pm with her. Rainy day.
She's warm from the start, I find us a corner spot which is perfect because I can sit on the sofa part perpendicularly to her. Gradually touch her leg and she almost instantly reciprocates, shyly at first, like she was holding back...
Ends up being me slowly stroking her leg and her doing it to me. Oh man, now I know that it works, because I got really turned on by her doing it to me!
Of course I alternate between heavier kino and then leaning back and using both my hands to take a drink of my hot chocolate.
She's very engaged and goes with whatever I do. Alternating deep dives and SOT expansion works wonders, and I make sure to interspace it with moments of casual talk too for fractionation purposes. I think that was one of the key elements here.
Very strong eye contact and state projection on my part. My fundamentals were truly on point, with slow but purposeful hand gestures and generally moving my upper body and head in accordance with what I'm saying.
Used lots of future projections and us-vs-them frames.
Especially when I go into SOT connection and how it can be built gradually... using what she just said about her roommate who she became friends with. And also how sometimes, it just happens instantly... where you can just FEEL the immediate fascination and intrigue... and the more you talk, the deeper it gets...
Never seen as sultry a look as the one I got there.
In fact, at times I feel like she's gaming ME, trying to introduce sex talk frames under the context of a bollywood film where it only ends in a kiss and them dancing in the rain.
"And you know what? A few moments after the movie ends... the characters jumped to bed together and had the passionate sex they so desperately needed. But it's a shame... how women have to hide that side of themselves in those areas, and in fact even here they are shamed for showing desire. Which I just don't understand... I mean, how can you shame something which is the most natural thing in the world?" I say.
At some other moment I point out how being non-judgemental leads to better lives... and better sex.
Kino escalates, I play with her hands as well.
Her green eyes draw me in just as I'm sure my darker eyes draw her...
Intersperse with deep diving, of course, to build more rapport.
After an hour I tell her I need to continue studying, and go to the bathroom first. When I come back, she paid for us already.
Walk back, she goes to library which is on the way. Have my arm around her, then I just hold her hand after she nonverbally begs me to. At the entrance, we stop and she gets real close to me... and practically initiates a kiss. You know the sultry look they start giving you and moving closer, pressing their body against yours and basically leaning in for the kiss? Which I oblige, taking control of the pace and of course pulling away first. But maybe that was a mistake to kiss in the first place. We'll see how it develops.
Didn't mean to kiss her, but it seems I got her too interested. I can better see how tempt and fractionate works...
As for why I didn't pull? It's in the city, I have no logistics and she lives in the outskirts. I had already seeded the second date near hers.
Overall, interested girl that was even more receptive to my material. Crazy how well it works then.
Also, in hindsight, I realized thanks to a suggestion from @Skippy that I theoretically have empty, lockable rooms at my Uni that I could use for pulling... it completely slipped my mind.
In colorful sundress. Walking towards me as I'm returning from the gym.
"Very summer-like," I tell her, gesturing to her outfit. "Fits the atmosphere..."
She smiles but doesn't really stop.
Should've added the "I have a VERY important question for you" to get her to stop, then used an RPO on summer.
Girl 2:
Very cute Asian in summer dress and sunglasses. I'm posted up.
"Excuse me, has anyone ever told you... you look very summer-like?" I open again with this.
"Summer-like?" She says as she walks past and turns her head to look back.
"Yes... it fits the atmosphere," I say. She's still walking and answering from what's now a bit of a distance.
...
Ok, I'll go for "important question" first.
Girl 3:
Girl in green sundress and straw hat.
Turns out, after I open, she's not as cute as her swaying derrière suggested...
Girl 4:
Same thing as above with Asian girl. I do an RPO this time, and continue talking as we walk together for a bit before we part ways.
What's truly tragic was that right before I opened her (I had navigated myself to her side of the street and we were walking almost side by side after I slowed down) was that I saw a hot blonde in hot pants showing off tanned legs, and I got a bit intimidated.
But, when she crosses the street in front of me, I reflexively smile and we make eye contact... and she breaks it perfectly downwards and submissively.
This stunned me for a good few moments as autopilot made me continue walking. Furthermore, my mind was already in 'opening sequence preparation' for Asian girl, which threw me off even more.
I truly regret not stopping, pivoting, and running back to tell her who she looks exactly like.
Let that be a profound lesson.
[On a side note, had 2 other girls that I smiled at when I raised my head just as they were passing me that smiled back, but I was posted up and they were powerwalking past. I need to be quicker about this]
Girl 5:
Standing at the bigger tram station. Cute brunette in black skirt who was on the phone before when I walked past. So I did a curve, posted up nearby, and saw a few minutes later she was standing and scrolling on her phone.
"Hey, excuse me... do you know you really remind me of someone," I open.
She's like, "Really?"
"Yes... from the way you're standing, the energy you're projecting... I don't know if that makes any sense," I laugh but still say it intently.
She matches my state and laughs as well with her eyes and a wide smile.
I continue, "She is a person who is... somewhat shy... and reserved... but also has a part of her that is very open... and adventuous". I came up with that 5seconds before I approached. Took it from her vibe and look that's she quieter.
"Ohh, hmm.. well, I'm more reserved," she smiles.
"Well then, you must study history," I joke and immediately regret it. No banter, remember! At least not so early before the hook.
But this time I'm spot on.
"Wow, yes! I studied art history," she lightens up even more and tells me.
She then wants to know what's the name of the person I remind her of, and if she knows her. I tell her "Anna," but maybe should make it clearer that it's just the vibe I'm talking about, not 'mixing up' people.
I start deep diving about art history with genuine curiosity and she's engaged but soon tells me she was waiting for someone, and the person just texted her where she was. This makes us seperate. The entire "I thought you were this person, but you aren't" frame she misinterpreted threw me off actually and I didn't close. Especially because the interaction hadn't gotten to any jucier stuff yet that would immerse her and give me social frame to close.
Analysis
What I did well
-Tried new ways to open indirectly and/or casually
What I can improve
- Ran into lacking social frame to continue persisting if it ends too abruptly.
- Make it into a habit to have an "important question" to get girls to stop. Or stronger sprezzatura and powerful body language that snaps them inevitably out of autopilot and makes them stop.
Outlook - Future Deliberate Practice
I have exams this week, so my main focus is there this week. Still plan on going out at least twice, once of which was this outing.
Exam season came in full force, not leaving me enough time for anything other than strategic cramming. Had the hardest exam this week, after which I took the bus to go play Volleyball with friends and have dinner after.
Did 4 approaches: Two casual ones where I was time-constrained anyway and thus just used them for momentum, as well as two which were after an exam:
Girl 1:
Warm approach (Cause it wasn't cold, get it?). Girl that I'm sure studies the same thing I do, but we never talked. Open her on that, get talking about the exam we had, then I shift conversation to "freedom" of having it behind us and all that entails... we get on the bus together as conversation continues and I get into SOT travel and mix it with deep diving and a rainbow ruse. There's a point in conversation where there's a noticeable shift and the unseen level of hesitation vanishes and she engages fully as I stimulate her imagination.
The fact that we're sitting next to each other and constantly having our legs and upper bodies touch each other certainly helped there too.
Unfortunately her stop is one before mine, which I wasn't expecting as people who take that bus usually go the last stop. I feel it'd be too rushed to close randomly, so I seed things for next time.
Lesson learned: When in public transport, ask where they're getting off!
Girl 2:
After dinner with friends. It's about midnight and I'm walking in the main train station. Cute brunette walking my way on her phone.
"Hey, wow, hey you," I say assertively. She stops and turns, her head moving up from her phone.
"Do you know... who you look exactly like?" I ask in German.
She starts fidgeting and I quickly get that I should switch to English. Although German would work too, she's from a German-speaking part where their small random village speaks Italian for reasons not apparent to me, as I find out.
I actually question her on this after the "oh, English?" part and she soon forgets about my opener. Which rather surprised me.
Deep dive, SOT spontaniety, travel, freedom of anonymity in the city... I start thinking about transitioning into sex talk that way after she told me she came here and LOVES the city because there is so much to do (good transition into non-judgementalness, contrast open city people with conservative rural area). Of course I rainbow ruse that back, add the spice of "People who are spontaneous and have that... spark of adventure... when you meet someone like that, you can JUST FEEL the instant SPARK and CONNECTION," which she wholeheartedly agrees on.
My transition is cut short when social key kicks in and she starts asking me what I do. She also asks how old I am, and guesses 24. I tell her 25... and she says, "Yes, I knew it!".
I'm wearing my signature backpack, so I also tell her I'm a student and have her guess what I do.
She doesn't like guessing because she'll feel stupid when she guesses wrong as she's not good at these things, she says, and I soothe it out by giving her hints and making it easy. She did occasionally let out self-deprecating comments, so I was extra careful not to hurt attainability. She also went "You're so charismatic!" twice, which I just downplay. Which translates into intense eye contact with a warm smile. I was also experimenting with slowly getting closer to her, with limited effect. I qualify her twice with high-fives when she says something I can build rapport on.
I set the frame of me coming from an exam, and then do a mini meta-pace of the sense of freedom and openness it gives. Hits well, then she asks me what exam I just had.
Heh. It's literally a fancy subject which has a lot of mainstream futuristic buzz attached to it and is hard as hell, so I wonder lying about it to not hurt attainability. In the end I just baby-step and depreciate it.
Soon I soft close then number close, and hug her tightly goodbye. I text her a few minutes later on my train: "Hey, I just realized something", and then "~Alex".
She responded enthusiastically.
What was interesting is that she's a chef, and was out at that time to "walk under the stars" before heading home. An instadate of sorts would have definitely been possible here with potential for SDL. Unfortunately, the train I was catching was the last one available and I'd be stranded if I didn't crash at hers - the pain of no good logistics.
Analysis
What I did well
-Good, assertive stop
-Good leading into SOT's
-Nice frame set in second set
What I can improve
-Even better SOT management
-FIND OUT WHERE SHE GETS OFF IN PUBLIC TRANSPORT
Outlook
Last exam is next week, after which I'll be on vacation for two weeks, one of which will be with my gay friend haha. I find it great for social calibration as his personality is of a different sort than what I've come across before. It's a more... shifty type interaction at times. Where topics get changed so quickly that you barely stick to anything at all really. I don't think I've ever managed to tell him a full story, ever. Sounds negative and that does annoy me sometimes, but I treat it as great practice!
It's the type of style that girls talk to each other with, fleeting and jumping all over the place - and thus of value to learn how to be adept in. I realized I don't come across this often, because with guys you obviously have your guy interactions and with girls... well, since the seduction is a personal, one-on-one interaction, you lead the conversation and don't run into this either with most girls.
What I found fascinating is noticing my mental models of people being built up. It's where I meet someone and can't get a grip on them... and can't really predict what they will say next... and am thus unable to respond very smoothly, always on the back foot.
But the more I interact with them, the sooner the point comes... where I can do a mental test. In my mind there exists a mental model of the individual, and it's fascinating that once it's built, I can more or less predict in my head how they would respond to different scenarios. And once it clicks, I'm immediately at ease with the person and far more calibrated interacting with them. I have their type pinned down, so to say.
It doesn't mean I immediately know the ultimate, most perfect path to talk to them... but it does mean that the basis for thinking about what the ultimate, most perfect path, is...
These are just my musings though. My assumption is that this type of people predictor runs in the background anyway, and is only consciously noticed for more extreme, different or charismatic, cases.
What makes it so exciting is that you can almost feel your growth in real-time.
Dude, I've only read your last entry and I'm already hooked.
How did I not see this journal before? *strokes stubble inquisitively*
Looks like you're employing advanced Gun-style game - SOTs (that's actually Bacc), rainbow ruses, inspired by Riker... In short, lots I can learn here.
(Basically, I'm gonna follow this one from now on).
