En's log

[Higher]

2022-08-12 (Fri)​

It's a sunny, windy afternoon and I'm walking around. There's lots of tourists and cute girls.

Girl #1​

I see one such girl taking pics. She's tall, black-haired. Sunglasses and cute summer dress. I have to approach, although I'm not really in state yet. I'm thinking too much about the process and what to say. I open anyway:

as is​

hey, do you know where <place> is?​

yeah, you see that <thing> down there? there's the place you're looking for​

thanks, that's the old city no?​

yeah!​

cool, i'll plunge into that​

alright! good luck!​

​

to be​

hey, do you know where <place> is?​

yeah, you see that <thing> down there? there's the place you're looking for​

thanks, that's the old city no?​

yeah!​

cool. you know, i'm always convinced i know this city, but sometimes i surprise myself (transition point)​

haha well it happens​

you from here?​

bla bla bla​

Girl #2 "GuideGirl"​

I spot a brunette taking pics in the old city. She's got a white top, black pants. Long hair and sunglasses. From a distance I think "meh, nothing special", but then I get closer and she's actually cute.

I open asking her where a certain place is. She explains me and shows me a map. She's cool, we have a brief chat about where she's from. Turns out she's following a strict route to visit the most popular sights in the old city, which sounds like something a hardcore planner would do (which I'm not).

I propose we walk a bit together. She suggest I join her on her tour. Of course I decline that and suggest she take me to the place I'm looking for instead, to which she agrees.

There's some deep diving about her with a couple touches here and there. She knows everything about the old city as she read up as much info as possible. I dig that and tell her she could be my guide. Girl is cool, but I can see she's got a bit of an attitude. Which I'm not necessarily annoyed about so far.

Anyway, we visit a couple places and I keep on deep diving a bit and touching, and at some point I ask her if she's got a boyfriend, to which she says no. Then she asks in turn what my status is, and we chat very briefly about that.

After a few minutes I seed a date. She doesn't seem against the idea, but she tells me her schedule is quite packed (no shit, she's a planner): she's meeting a friend in like 3 hours, she's meeting another friend tomorrow evening and she's gonna leave the city at an unspecified time on Sunday.

as is

Yeah, she's free for 3 hours, but I'm not really playing to win now. I'm not thinking clearly about how to use such a window. What I'm thinking is "crap, she's meeting a friend later, so there's not much we can do now" and "better eject now, otherwise i might end up saying something that'll fuck the interaction up". Basically playing not to lose. Therefore I tell her that I gotta go and, in a quite laid-back way, that "damn, i really wanna hang out with you", so I grab her number and leave, telling her we'll come up with something. I realize I probably bombed.​

Anyway I drop a text to her Whatsapp an hour later:​

cool to meet you earlier, <name>! enki​

(still me) i've got a proposal for you if you feel adventurous (yes, i still wanna try this out, as i'm not sure what's the best way to handle her packed schedule without looking needy)​

you too!​

(still her) hahah i'm listening​

(i'll reply tomorrow morning, i know she's with a friend now, plus i wanna play the intrigue card)​

to be

She's free for 3 hours now, so I check her logistics: she's staying at a hotel not far from where we're at. Interesting. So I suggest we get a drink and sit somewhere.​

​

Throughout the entire interaction I keep a sexual vibe: I get closer to her, I keep good eye contact and voice, I gently grab her arm or waist to lead her somewhere, I ask her to do things for me. While we're seated, I deep dive her a bit more while maintaining great eye contact. I reward her with touch and qualification whenever she invests in the interaction and I make sure I come across as non-judgemental and open. The rest is history...​

Girl #3​

I spot a cute, short blond girl who's not sure where to go. I open informational, she tells me she has no idea what I'm looking for as she's new here. Her accent prompts me to ask her if she's American, to which she says "yes!" with a smile, and then leaves.

Girl #4​

This was fun.

I'm walking back to the train station. Tall, blonde girl with cute dress, waits for a green light at a crossroads.

I position myself near her without paying her attention. We then cross the street on green light. We're walking in the same direction, so I let her pass me. A few seconds later I open direct with my usual "'scuse me?" to make her turn and then a "you look great", said in a playful way.

She's utterly flabbergasted by my opener, like she stares at me speechless. After recollecting herself she thanks me. Probably her first time being approached, and to be fair I approached from behind.

Anyway, we chat briefly about this and that (she tells me she didn't see my approach coming), and then I ask her what she's doing. She's going to the train station, so we walk together and I deep dive her a bit. No touches though, I sense she's not super comfortable with me yet. I also don't ask her if she's single or not.

We reach the station. She asks me what train I'm taking. I tell her, and then she asks me why I'm taking that train instead of another train. Then she tells me she knows everything about the train schedule. Like, really? More than me? So I test her:

(her) other train leaves at :04​

(me) ok, let's make a bet. i think the other train leaves at :05. if i win, you pay me a drink (good eye contact and smirk)​

ok!​

(we then check the schedule, turns out i win) so you owe me one​

ok. you know, i'm usually familiar with this schedule because MY FIANCEE (she really stresses that while leaning in and staring at me) works in your city​

oh cool (i'm a little taken aback by her body language and i'm thinking about dropping out here and now, but i keep my cool; better answer though would have been "ok cool, but you lost anyway", said in a matter-of-fact way)​

so what do you wanna drink? wanna go there? (points to a nearby place)​

sure, let's go​

We then grab a coffee and sit. I still deep dive her a bit and play around, because why not. She's kinda fun in a quirky way, and she enjoys the free attention - well, not entirely free as she had to pay me a coffee. I also ask her questions about her fiancee, and she asks me about my status. She's got an bit of an attitude, but I kinda test her frame with a pause in the conversation where I slightly smile and give good eye contact, and she looks down a couple times.

Anyway, decent banter and eye contact. Chemistry is not too bad, but at some point I touch her on the arm, thank her for the coffee, and bounce.

 

[Higher]

2022-08-13 (Sat)​

Update "GuideGirl"​

I resume the text convo and fire this text earlier today:

daytrip in <my city> with this charming stranger, who'll guide you around. tho i bet you'll come 100% ready to guide me around. hope this isn't too adventurous for you to handle! if it is, well... wish you bon voyage​

She follows up 5 hours later with a polite rejection: she has to see some friends and "time is not on our side".

Best bet would have been to use that 3 hours window yesterday, and overall amping up my sexual vibe. Some of my interactions are still too friendly. It's like I'm chasing some girls for validation without being serious about getting them to bed, like Drck clearly explains here. Found some good insights here too.

"BeachVolleyGirl"​

In the meantime I fire a resurrection text to a 27-yo girl I met at a beach volley game last year:

hey <name>, been a while! thought about you today for some reason. how have you been? still in <her city>? enki​

We dated briefly after we met back in Jun 2021. Good chemistry, we liked each other a lot, although we both have some sharp edges.

We were at my place on date 2, but I couldn't bed her due to impatience on my part. I disappeared from her radar after my failed attempt. She reconnected a few months later, but I (stupidly) dropped the ball when she told me she was moving to a nearby city. This was in Aug 2021.

Been thinking about this for quite a while, glad I finally had the balls to do it. She's pretty hot and for sure has tons of men after her, but she's a bit crazy (her own admission), plus she really loved our dates, so she might be game.

 

[Higher]

2022-08-14 (Sun)​

I'm out for a brief daygame session in a nearby city. I was not really feeling it, but I'm glad I did it anyway.

Girl #1​

I'm about to hop off my train, and I spot her. She's gorgeous. Brown, medium-length hair. Great body, fashion sense and pretty face. Super hot. She's probably in her 30's. I have to approach.

I follow her briefly. My plan is to pass her, let her notice me, then let her pass me in turn. At that point I'll open informational.

as is

So I pass her. I let her notice me. I'm going to let her pass me, but I'm walking a bit too fast, and she suddenly turns left. Damn. I don't wanna stalk her, so I let her go. Could have walked up to her quickly and opened direct.​

to be

So I pass her. I let her notice me. I suddenly stop to check something on my phone. She passes me and I open informational.​

She's super friendly and answers my question in detail and with a big smile. I then ask her another info, just to show her that I do have some social skills and can actually talk to a hot girl. She happily answers again. Therefore I switch to chat mode. Nice interaction. I suggest a coffee, but she's on the way to meet some friends. We can do later though, so I grab her number and wave.​

Girl #2​

I'm walking on one of the main streets, and I see this brunette in kind of a gym outfit. She's nothing special, but she's cutish. Good shapes. She looks at me, then looks straight ahead.

as is

My brain suggests me that, since she didn't look on the side and didn't seem flustered, she must not be interested. Nonsense, I know. Therefore I set myself not to approach. At the last second though she looks at me again while she passes me. I think "damn" and let her go.​

to be

I kinda like this girl, so I open informational. She's friendly and we have a brief chat. She's in a hurry now, she has to get home, but she's free later. We agree on drinks and exchange numbers.​

Girl #3 "PureWarmth"​

Girl #4​

On my way back to the train station I see another gorgeous brunette. Tight white shirt, great shapes. Pretty. My eye contact game is not on point, but she looks at me, then straight ahead. Then she looks at me again.

as is

I'm about to approach direct, but I feel observed by the people around and I weasel out.​

to be

I'm a machine. Machines don't have feelings; they just have targets. Therefore I approach this girl direct and confidently, giving two shits about people around us. She stares at me for a moment and then smiles, flustered. She tells me it's the first time somebody approaches her.​

Great chat ensues, love is in the air. She's on her way to a dinner with friends now, but she'd happily grab drinks with me next week. We exchange numbers.​

Lots of failures and weaseling out here, but I kinda feel slightly more confident day after day. It's like an undercurrent of calmness and "righteousness". I guess if I can deal with somebody as awkward as Girl #4 from 2 days ago, I can deal with almost anyone. Plus, I think my logging here and my visualization training are starting to pay off.

I'll also play more with this "I'm a machine" feeling. If I can convince my brain and body that, indeed, I just give them (reasonable) targets and they just execute behavior, regardless of (reasonable) discomfort, I might get better results. It's something I started training with cold showers lately.

Update "BeachVolleyGirl"​

She replies to my resurrection text from yesterday:

hey! i'm doing good. how are you? i live in <her city>, yes. ​

city treating you nicely so far? bet you've been to the <big festival> yesterday​

yeah, would say.​

(still her, sends a photo of her and her girlfriends at the festival) yes, was my first one ​

i knew you'd be the soul of the party​

(her) ​

(still her) i like parties, yes (she has been replying quite quickly so far; i leave this text on "read" for a couple hours)​

i'll be in <her city> in the next few weeks, wanna catch up for a quick drink? (she reads like half an hour later)​

(she replies after a few hours) mmm yes, we can think about that. are you here the entire week or a couple of days. because i'm a bit busy but we can see to find some time (hilarious. that's so not like her. truth is she can't wait to see me. anyway i'll reply tomorrow)​

 

[phuasjn2]

to be
I'm a machine. Machines don't have feelings; they just have targets. Therefore I approach this girl direct and confidently, giving two shits about people around us.

This is exactly how I feel when I'm in the zone when day gaming.

I become a machine. My mind is just constantly seeking for possible targets and completely ignoring emotions. I keep turning my head around to scout from all directions. Then I lock on to the target until I do the approach. I may lose girls if they suddenly walk fast or meet their friends, but I pay little attention and just switch to the next target.

Congratz on girl #3 PureWarmth

 

[Higher]

@phuasjn2,

This is exactly how I feel when I'm in the zone when day gaming.

Ya, you're definitely a machine! Wish I felt more like this.

Though probably the best state for my personality is feeling "righteous": I'm approaching women I'm attracted to because that's what life itself wants me to do.

Congratz on girl #3 PureWarmth

Thanks, much appreciated!

Too bad it didn't pan out. She's lovely.

-En

 

[Higher]

2022-08-19 (Fri)​

Man, I keep running away from great chances.

I'm out at a bar with a friend that I haven't seen in quite a bit. We're seated at a table inside and washing some alcohol down with some more alcohol. Premise's fulla dudes unfortunately, but then two girls enter. Blonde and brunette. Not super-cute, but brunette is pretty hot. They sit at the bar and order a couple espresso martinis. They glance at us once.

as is

I'm feeling like walking up to them and open with a comment on their drinks, but I don't follow through. Reason: I'm not feeling confident and I decide to listen to that feeling. Should have switched to @phuasjn2's "machine mode" and just done it.​

to be

I ask my friend if it's ok if I invite them at our table. He's fine with that, so I walk up to the bar to order something and to talk to the girls:​

(after my order) 'scuse me girls?​

yeah?​

i see that you're having an espresso martini. is that what it is?​

yes!​

it always amazes me that people drink this thing, so i'm in true admiration of you guys right now (good eye contact with brunette)​

haha you don't like it?​

mmm not really my thing. but if you wanna join us for a drink later, to kinda help wash that down, you're welcome (bedroom-eyes at brunette) and if you don't wanna, it's fine​

(they look at each other) mmm yeah why not!​

alright. btw, enki (introductions) alright, so maybe see you later eh?​

ok!​

​

So they join us. Brunette and I are in our own bubble. I make sure I touch her and keep good eye contact, and she loves all of that. Great chemistry. At some point we all bounce. The girls go to the bathroom first. My friend goes home, and I walk with the girls towards the city center. We're having fun, then we reach the point where we might take separate paths:​

​

so you're going home now, right? or you wanna do one last drink?​

we'd be down for one drink, yeah!​

ok, so i live right there (pointing) and i have some good wine. place is not super fancy, but the toilet is clean and you can have free water and tea (i look away) what do you think?​

mmm (they look at each other) you're not a serial killer right? (jesus...)​

omg really? hey, i know that happens a lot on netflix (they laugh) look, i'm a good guy, ok? and if you feel uncomfortable at any point, you just leave​

ok! (blonde says that she'll stay for just one drink; brunette says nothing to that, so they probably had a chat in the bathroom and it might mean that brunette is DTF)​

So we get at my place...​

Update "BeachVolleyGirl"​

Went on a quick date with her in her city, like 1h or so. Was actually pretty cool. I definitely had a sexual vibe and she enjoyed it. She's a character, just as I remembered.

Anyway, I seeded a date in my city, we checked each own schedules on my phone's calendar and we blocked a date. I know this ain't no guarantee, but it feels a tad more flake-proof. Date is scheduled for Fri this week. I'll text to her tomorrow.

 

[Higher]

2022-08-21 (Sun)​

Again forced myself to go out for girls today, and again I'm glad I did.

Girl #1 "LatteMacchiato" (cold, day)​

Girl #2 (warm, day)​

I hop out of my train and make my way to an escalator. I make eye contact with a cute blonde girl who is walking on the aisle opposite side and impossible for me to reach now. She looks at me and then quickly glances away.

I'm standing on the right side of the escalator. The guy in front of me switches sides and proceeds to stand on the left side. At some point I hear somebody approaching from behind. I turn and it's her. She asks the guy "can i pass through please?" in a pretty demanding way. She leans into me and touches my arm as she says that. Clear sign.

as is

I'm still thinking about the other girl I met earlier, so I can't think of a way to approach this girl. In retrospect, it's easy.​

to be

The guy in front of her lets her pass, and I take the chance and proceed to climb the escalator as well. I then walk up to her and jokingly congratulate her on her demonstration of presence with the guy, he was really scared. She replies in a bit of a stiff way, but I quickly change topic and tell her that I love her style. She thanks me and smiles a bit.​

​

I ask her name and introduce myself, then ask her where she's headed. She's got a train to catch, she lives in another city pretty far from here. We agree to stay in touch and we exchange numbers.​

 

[Higher]

2022-10-22 (Sat)​

Went out today around lunchtime. I hadn't approached in a while, so I'm looking forward to this.

There's a bunch of what looks like Thai girls. I even stop one, but upon looking at her closely it becomes crystal clear that she's a tranny. Luckily he offers me a quick and graceful way to eject, and I promptly do. I spot another hot-looking Asian girl, but I suspect she's a man too, so I don't approach.

FR (day, cold approach)​

Anyway, at some point I see a cutie brunette seated on a bench, busy with her phone.

I casually sit near her and check my phone for a bit, then I motion to go and open informational. We then chat shortly, but then I make a mistake: I ask her if she has a boyfriend before setting the tone of the conversation, i.e. before showing intent. What we had so far is a casual, friendly convo. I eject soon after she tells me that yes, she has a bf. Who knows if she really does tho. Maybe she's single and her default answer to that question is "yes, I have a bf" because, well, some people hate to say that they're single.

A reminder to myself on how this should work:

1) open indirect and hook
2) show intent ("hey, btw, you're cute, what's your name?")
3) move her and escalate ("let's grab a drink at that place over there", or "let's walk a bit")

If she has a bf and she's in love, she'll let me know at steps 2 or 3.

Anyway, not too bad. Glad that I barely had any approach anxiety. I was excited but not nervous.

 

[Higher]

2022-11-14 (Mon)​

It's around 5pm and I'm on my train ride back home.

FU (day, warm approach)​

I set myself near the door as I have to switch to another train, and I spot this gorgeous brunette, probably around 24-yo. Brown, long hair. Very pretty. Small mole near her lips. She's waiting to jump off too and she's speaking portuguese at the phone. She sees me via reflection on the glass door, and then keeps kinda glancing in my direction.

Train stops, doors open up. She walks pretty fast to the same train I have to take. She glances in my direction and enters, almosts sits in a relatively crowded area, but then proceeds to sit in an emptier area. I take it as a greenish light and sit in the same area. She's constantly checking her phone, but I notice she's kinda mirroring my movements, so I go for the informational open, to which she replies neutral.

as is

I kinda let the convo end (mistake), then I prepare my things to hop off at my station. She stands up and moves towards the door, and she checks me multiple times via reflection on the windows. I then look at her, she looks at me twice and then looks away. Oh well, I'll just talk to her as soon as we exit.​

​

But as soon as we hop off, she walks away quite fast. I don't really want to run after her. Should have persisted while on the train, she probably thought I was not interested or undecided.​

​

to be

Got the feeling that she doesn't really want to continue the conversation and that all she wants is get back to her phone, but I keep on. I've been wrong so many times in similar situations, she'll make it super clear to me if she wants to be left alone. Therefore I ask her if she's from the area, she replies and warms up gradually. We have a good, 10-mins long chat. We exchange numbers in the end, we'll go for a drink one of these evenings.​

​

Learnings​

• don't self-reject; let them reject you if they really want to
• this girl was quite aloof; she was probably self-conscious and worried that I might reject her; that's why she was constantly on the phone after glancing at me multiple times; be warm and try to build a connection
• I'm still not that used to the idea of causing this caliber of girls to be self-conscious; again, be warm and try to move things forward unless she rejects you

 

[Higher]

Not a lot went on since the last report. Interacted with a few girls, but only three are worth reporting about:

FR "Sweet&Sicilian" (day, cold approach)​

This happened end of November.

It's cold and cloudy. I'm walking at the lake. I see her walking 50 meters in front of me. Blond, short but not too short. Nice slim figure.

She stops to take pics of the lake. I walk past her while staring at my phone and make sure she notices me. Ten meters in front of her I turn back, still staring at the phone. I then "notice" her and open her informational. Good chat ensues. She's cute and same age as me. We walk together and go towards a coffee place. We talk briefly about relationships, I tell her that I'm not looking for anything specific and that I'm generally open to anything. She says she's not looking for anything, since she's in a "complicated" relationship.

Anyway I grab a mulled wine, she gets a tea. Chat is good and flirty, although I could improve my touching. I deep dive and steer the convo towards topics like traveling and being spontaneous, which she likes. I also seed a date in my city in a very non-pushy way.

We then walk back to where we met. Before parting ways I tell her "damn, this is where we part ways eh? never to see each other again". And then, after a few seconds, "what if i invited you to my city one of these evenings?". She replies with "let's see. because i'm still in a relationship and he's coming over for the holidays. but if you wanna keep in touch...", to which I agree of course. We exchange numbers.

We haven't been able to hang out yet. We text every 2-3 days, and she's initiating most of the time, which is good. Once in a while I drop a flirty, man-to-woman text, but I'm still too friendly and boyfriend-y in general. I feel the vibe's dropping slightly. Anyway back in Dec she seeded a date in her city sometime in Jan, so she seems to be game. We'll see. I'm not pushing for a meet.

Highlights/Learnings​

- she was a bit closed in the beginning, but then opened up gradually, which is always a pleasure to see
- I didn't touch her enough
- my texting game is improving at a fast pace, always thanks to @Skills, although I still have a lot to learn

FR "TrainGirl" (day, warm approach)​

This happened in December.

I'm on a train heading to the nearby city. I sit in front of a girl that I spotted through peripheral vision. She seems cute.

I stare at my phone for a few minutes. Then I put it away and I take off my jacket. I can see she's glancing at me. I also glance at her, but our eyes don't meet. She's cute: brown hair made in a ponytail, bright eyes, nice full lips. Fit.

I stare outside of the window, then look at her. She's looking at me and smiling. I keep on looking and smile back. She looks down. I then open asking her how her day's going. We have a VERY friendly, polite chat. Damn, it's one of the worst convos I ever had. Not her fault of course. I didn't even try to make it man-to-woman, not sure why.

Anyway, at some point I leave and I don't even ask for her number. The whole thing felt really awkward, maybe because we were speaking in her language. Dunno, but there was clearly something wrong in my state.

Fast forward a few hours, we cross paths again by pure chance in the city, among a huge, pre-xmas crowd. Talk about destiny. She looks at me and attempts a smile. I look at her and I don't recognize her immediately, but then I do and I walk up to her and open again. I tell her she's cute and invite her for a drink right now. She complies. Convo is a bit better, although not at all near where it should be. We talk about food and life pleasures, but then switch back to boring stuff. For some retarded reason I ask her if she's got a boyfriend, to which she says "yes! actually i'm married!". No ring tho. "yeah, i don't like wearing jewelry". So I tell her "damn this is goodbye then eh?", to which she replies "no! let's keep in touch! let's cook together!". Uh, ok. We exchange numbers and part ways.

Texts are as boring as the convos. A couple times I try to make it slightly more sexual by talking about showers, hot baths and guilty pleasures. But everytime I get a very polite, friendly, neutered response. One reason might of course be that I didn't set the right frames (anti-ASD, "sex is normal", etc like many elders here, and especially @Teevster, teach), especially since she's married. Another reason might be that she just wanted to be polite and didn't wanna "hurt my feelings" by rejecting me. Not sure. Anyway at some point I start ejecting and finally drop the thing. Good idea? Bad idea? Will never know.

Highlights/Learnings​

- gotta sexualize those convos and set those frames as soon as she gives a bit of investment
- forget about asking if she's got a bf/hubbie; just show intent and lead; she'll make it clear if she wants it or not
- not sure if dropping the texts was a good idea

FR "PodcastGirl" (day, cold approach)​

This happened today.

I'm walking at the lake again. Rainy. I see her walking in my direction. Very cute, blond, bright eyes. Not really great fashion-wise, but whatever.

I open informational, then make a direct compliment, to which she smiles and thanks me. I ask for her name, I tell mine and we shake hands. She pulls back first. I ask her what she's up to. She tells me she was planning on walking and listening to a podcast. I then tease her a bit: "oh ok, you sound really busy. i wanted to invite you for a coffee, but that podcast sounds really important. i don't want you to miss that!", to which she laughs and replies "yeah, i might go for a coffee!". Great answer, sister.

We then talk about the podcast (it's about happiness) and we dive into psychology and life's meaning. Good chat overall. I touch her quite a bit and talk about finding happiness in the moment. We grab a takeaway coffee and then talk about dating. This time I make sure I set those damn frames (I'm sexual, I'm not looking for anything specific but I'm not against anything, sex is normal, I'm not judgemental, women love sex, etc), and as naturally as possible. She doesn't seem too thrilled about them. At some point she switches topic and then tells me she has to go home and "work". It's clear she's not interested. Which is fine, I did my part. Now it's up to her.

At some point we're about to part ways. I seed a date in my city, to which she says "maybe" in a somewhat awkward way, and she adds that she's "not looking for anything" and that she'll be "away for two months" (the way she said it was a bit weird, as if she just made it up). I tell her I'm only looking for a good connection, with no expectations (thanks to @Beam, I recalled this from his journal). Anyway I get her number, "i'll text you once, and if you don't wanna do it, it's fine".

I don't think I'll see this girl again. I still wanna try, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I'll search the forum for answers. Sent her an icebreaker in the meantime.

Highlights/Learnings​

- still thinking back about this one, not sure if I learned anything
- just realized I never consciously tried to friendzone a girl; I wonder if this would be a better strategy for me; maybe friendzoning this girl instead of seeding a date, while subsequently keeping the vibe flirty and baiting her through texts, would have been better

---------------------------

That was it.

It seems to me girls are super depressed and not really open for any man-to-woman stuff this time of the year, at least where I live. Or maybe they pick something off in my vibe. Anyway, I keep on going.

 

[Higher]

FR (day, warm approach)​

Met this girl while walking around in the nearby city today. Initially I thought she was with a group, so I sat in the area and kept track of her while checking my phone. After a few minutes it was clear that she was a lone wolf. Pretty cute, Asian. Long hair, great body.

I glance at her a couple times very casually. She glances in my direction too. I wait a bit for the group to leave, then I open informational and follow up with a compliment. I invite her for a walk, to which she agrees.

I deep dive a bit. However she tells me pretty early in the interaction that she's flying back to Asia tonight. I quickly lose interest and start ejecting in a graceful way. We part ways a few minutes later.

Highlights/Learnings​

- I risked it a little bit when waiting for the group to move, I could have lost her

 

[Higher]

FR (day, warm approach)​

I'm waiting for a train, locked in at the wall. Girl casually posts in front of me. Asian. Good sense of style. Man, she's beautiful.

She waits a bit, then turns her body and looks at me. I wait a few seconds, then I slowly move near her, casually checking my phone. I look at her (she's smiling to herself) and I open informational. We chat 1-2 minutes, and she asks me a few questions. Then the train arrives. The door opens and she says "have a nice day".

In my mind I'm like, "wtf?". Not really sure what went wrong here. Either she was taken but still seeking the attention, or there was something wrong with my state. Maybe my voice/eye contact were off-point. Anyway, glad I approached, was about to bail.

Highlights/Learnings​

- focus on eye contact/voice before approaching

 

[Higher]

FR (day, cold approach)​

I'm walking randomly in da city, and I spot this girl from afar. She's walking in my direction. A bit short, but pretty.

I open as usual (informational + compliment). She thanks me and we chat a bit on the spot. She says pretty early that she's married. I motion to go and she proposes that we walk together to wherever I'm going. I'm like, sure, why not? So that's what we do.

We chat a bit, she's super sweet. She's quite lonely tho (due to a personal situation), and she's looking for friends. She proposes that we keep in touch. I'm not really interested in staying in this girl's friendzone, but why the hell not exchanging numbers? I guess I'll just drop an icebreaker and archive the chat right away.

Takeaways​

- totally noticed that my mood is quite off and I'm not quite as sociable lately as I was a few months ago; I could feel my vibe being affected by this; good to know, so I can work on it

 

[Higher]

FU (day, cold approach)​

I cannot believe the self-sabotaging.

I dont feel like going home after work, so i decide to go to the nearby city and see what's up. So im walking around, its sunset and i see this gorgeous brunette. Man, shes a stunner: silky short hair. Slim, but great curves. Good fashion. Just beautiful. Clearly new around here, as shes walking slowly and observing her surroundings with curiosity.

I open informational and i switch to direct as usual. She likes it and we start walking and chatting. Shes a young flight attendant leaving tomorrow. Great. Theres a lot of incidental touch, and i also touch her arm fairly often while keeping the vibe good and flirty. Shes really the quiet and introverted type, and i use that to turn quiet myself and let her contribute.

We go grab a drink. The vibe is great: i deep-dive her quite a bit, we flirt and i throw some jokes around. Then we go for a walk. She tells me that she was supposed to hang out with some colleagues, but they left the hotel without her. I joke and tell her that its too bad that she had to meet me instead. She replies with "i actually think its better!" All is going really well.

But then i mess up.

When i ask her what shes up to right now, she says that she wants to buy some souvenirs. I think to myself, "i wanna test how bad she wants to keep hanging out", so i tell her a couple times that well go to the shopping district and then ill let her go if she really wants to shop. I mean this as a sort of a yes ladder, like "look, do you like me? do you like hanging out? do you wanna keep doing it or do you wanna go shopping?", and she is supposed to answer "man, of course i wanna keep hanging out!".

Needless to say she reads it differently. She reads it as "hey, sounds like yeah, i really should be going!". So she says that yes, she wants to go shopping. In my mind thats a rejection. So i hug her and i bid her farewell.

Ill remember her puzzled look for a bit as she says "O-ok, but... maybe... lets keep in touch?" So we exchange digits. I make sure i tell her "hey, ill hang around here for a while, so when youre done shopping just text me". She says "yeah, but i have no internet connection on my phone right now". My brain decides to filter that out and i reply "alright, then see you later".

So i send her an ice-breaker and start walking, and walking, and walking, waiting for a text that will never come. All the while telling myself "man, did i just leave her?".

While i walk i keep thinking that if she really wants to hang out shell find a free wifi or something and just text me. Delusional.

I keep checking my whatsapp, she never receives the text. I decide to just take the next train and go home. After half an hour i see my text has been received, but theres no way shell ever reply. And she never does.

When i arrive in my city i decide to go solo for a cocktail in a bar nearby. Little breakthrough here, as i never did it. Feels pretty good.

Thats where i am right now as im writing this on my phone. Yeah, i still self-sabotage a lot, but i can see a silver lining: some time ago i would have never been able to attract such a girl. She really needed guidance, but at my skill level it was impossible.

Thats the beauty of this journey: sometimes you see something great is possible, you try to make the best of it, and you fail. But that motivates you to do better next time.

Other fuck-ups happened lately, but this is the one that more than others marks a level-up. I can feel im very close to a breakthrough. I just need to keep going.

 

[Railer]

as she says "O-ok, but... maybe... lets keep in touch?"

... even caused me a heavy heart, reading the report. This happens when you start to calculate as opposed to going for what you want, all-in.

You know what I would do?

Tell her how stunned you were when you first saw her and add those details you immediately liked about her. Then point out that you bailing was due to your insecurity in the moment, but that there was really something special about the encounter that you cannot forget. See what comes back.

She never replied anyway, right?

 

[Higher]

@Railer!

Thanks for your comment, she actually replied and we're in touch now, although she's flying around the globe and I'm also traveling.

I'm barely invested in this now, just sending pings/short flirts here and there. But she does too. We'll see!

Ciao,
-En

 

[Railer]

Since my comment came pretty late, I guess you had already messaged when I wrote it. What was your first text and her response?

 

[Higher]

I broke ice with "<name>, enki here " right after leaving her in the evening. She received it 1-2 hours later and probably read it right away, but didn't reply until the next morning with "hey" and "how are u".

From there on some "maintenance" texts + flirting.

 

[Railer]

She noticed there isn't any more coming and then realized she needed to act on her part. Very good!

Have you told her to return to your destination so you can meet? In some of the higher status airlines, attendants have certain options that leave them more flexible ...

 

[Higher]

I know the idea is at least in her mind, because the last exchange was as follows:

how's ur trip going​

​

[pic of my bnb]​

todays bnb​

sure, its not like your 5-stars hotels ​

​

looks very cozy​

i'd love to stay there​

​

id love to have you here ​

​

awww wait i'm packing my things​

​

waiting ​

[she reacted with ]​

I guess I'll keep on baiting and see what comes up.