En's log

[Higher]

FU (day, warm approach)​

I see this cute girl on the train. Great body, pretty face. She looks at me a couple times from afar, every time looking down afterwards. She looks really young, but I set myself up to give it a shot if the chance presents itself.

And the chance does indeed present itself. We're off the train and walking, and she passes me on the side. I open informational, then we chat a couple minutes. She's very friendly, low-energy and sweet. She asks questions and clearly contributes to the convo.

At some point we have to split ways and I decide to go for the hail mary, but it doesn't turn out as I imagined it:

hey btw how old are you?​

20​

you're super cute ​

thanks ​

(at this point strong self-awareness and "you dirty old dog" thoughts rush in in pretty quick succession, and I lose grip on the convo) you said you're studying, right? (my immediate thought here is that i just creeped her out)​

yes​

..... (silence on both sides, she increases the distance between us)​

(her) i have to go this way...​

ok see you ​

Super glad that I took this chance, although there's clearly space for improvements.

Initially I thought I creeped her out, but then I thought a bit about it and it was probably just awkwardness. Should have continued the convo and closed the usual way: "hey, you seem cool. should grab a drink sometime".

Also not sure if there's a better way to approach such a young girl, maybe should have stayed indirect. Clearly I need to approach more girls that age.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Nice, man. How old are you? (roughly).

My main recommendation would be to transition into more conversation after the opener quickly... awkward silence can kill sets pretty fast.

Great job taking the shot though, I think you calibrated the moment for the approach and the situational opener really well.

 

[Higher]

@Karea Ricardus D. -

Thanks for the feedback! Happy I took the chance, she was lovely.

How old are you?

I'm almost 41.

awkward silence can kill sets pretty fast

Def. I think the combination of self-awareness + weak opener got me this time.

Ciao!
-En

 

[Higher]

FR++ "Energetic" (day game, warm approach)​

This all started mid May.

approach​

I take seat in front of a blonde girl on a train. She's cute and she glances at me. I'm kinda bored with my usual opener and I can't think of anything better, so I decide to just wait, keep an eye on her and see if she gives me a good reason to open.

Luckily something funny happens with a couple passengers not too far from us. She makes a comment about it, I laugh and continue the convo, quickly switching to the usual "are you from around here?" and other rapport-building questions.

We chat a bit, then we hop off at the same station. We walk a bit together, and I suggest we grab a drink together some time. She happily agrees and we trade numbers.

texting​

Vibe over text is great, but she's initiating most of the time, clearly investing way more than me. I'm a bit worried about this, as I don't wanna be texting all day long, but I also don't want her to feel like I'm unattainable, so I try to keep a fair level of investment. Anyway, at some point we agree on a date and we meet up.

first date​

Date goes well: we flirt and I build rapport and touch her quite a bit, motioning to kiss her a couple times but not actually kissing her. She resists and I pull back. After a couple hours I tell her that I have to go. She seems reluctant to leave so soon, so we chat a bit more and we leave after 10-15 minutes.

We're in front of my place. I should probably invite her but I go for the kiss-close instead, and she gives me the cheek.

follow-up​

Anyway, in the following days she's the one doing most of the work via text by initiating convos and asking me questions, and overall telling me that she really enjoyed the date and sending kiss emojis. She then asks me if I wanna hang out again on friday, and I'm like well, why the hell not?

second date​

So we hang out again. When we meet, she tells me that she has to wake up early the next day. Classic. I tell her not to worry, I don't have much time either.

During the date our energy is way lower, the vibe is way more flirty and I touch her more. We then switch to another place. We sit at a table, and after some conversation I stare in her eyes. She stares back and we kiss, with me making sure to pull back first.

The evening goes on between wine, short conversations, listening to some people singing, and quite a bit of kissing. We're having a great time overall. We then leave the place and go to a festival to grab some food.

my place​

After that, I walk towards my place, and she follows without too many questions. I invite her upstairs and she agrees. I quickly show her around the place, and then we sit in the living room.

Needless to say we start kissing within a few minutes after we sit. I touch her a bit but probably not as much as I should. After a bit she asks me if I can accompany her home right now, because her bus leaves in one hour and it's a bit late already. Instead of saying "hey, let's keep hanging out here then, i'll take you to your bus in an hour", I agree to take her home.

her place​

At her place I try to resume the escalation. She kisses me back and I touch her more, but at some point she walks towards the door and says that "this is bad" and we shouldn't do it.

Unfortunately I don't handle this well: instead of reframing "this" as good and natural, I go for the hail mary by pressing her against the wall and kissing and touching her, and putting her hands on me. She kisses back and loves all of it, but still doesn't seem convinced.

Something in me tells me to just leave, so that's what I do. I kiss her goodbye and walk down the stairs outside her apartment. I can hear her door closing a good 5-6 seconds after I'm out of her sight. Maybe she was standing there waiting for me to come back?

Anyway, back home I realize that I fucked up and that I probably won't see this girl again.

follow-up​

I'm abroad on vacation, and she keeps texting me enthusiastically. She even tells me "i was thinking what we can do when we see each other again ", to which I reply with "tell me more ". However, she texts me a lot and with high energy, and my replies (due to me being on vacation) are way shorter and lower energy. One day I'm so busy that I don't even check Whatsapp, so I don't reply to her texts for a whole day.

When I reinitiate the next day she's way colder. She gives shorter answers and sounds pissed. I naturally match her energy and I start giving colder answers too. However she tries to continue the conversation and qualifies herself to me by telling me she did things that she knows I'd find interesting, so that's a good sign. I tell her that she's cool and that I'd love to catch up and hear about it, to which she replies "this week will be difficult, but i'll text you if i have time ". I ask her if she's busy building her business empire and add "no worries, we'll do some other time ". We keep texting and flirting a bit. She tells me I look good for my age and I joke on the fact that she's younger than me.

And that's where we are today. No texts in the last week or so. I suspect she might feel awkward to reinitiate contact, so I'll ping her this week and see what the vibe is. And if the vibe is bad, well, so be it.

--

takeaways​

- I didn't set the right non-judgemental frames; she was really worried about sex being "bad", so she was probably worried that I might judge her; she was probably worried about her body count increasing too, as Chase points out here;
- some time ago I would have chased a girl that I felt was pulling away; good thing that I learned to keep cool and stay unfazed as this community teaches!

 

[Higher]

FU (day, warm?)​

Im in a nearby city walking around, hyper-chill, in a great mood, and this beauty appears on my left from behind and walks past me. Great body and great style.

Problem is, shes walking quite fast, and i really cant be bothered by running up to her. However she stops a few meters in front of me and plays with her phone. I walk past her, and she starts walking again slowly on my side, still checking her phone. IOI? Coincidence? Lets open and find out.

I open informational as usual, then compliment her. She smiles and thanks me. I suggest we grab a coffee right now if shes got nothing else better to do. She agrees.

We grab a coffee and walk around. Vibe is overall very good. I like how im using pregnant pauses nowadays, they really make interested girls invest more. I throw in some touch and deep-dive her a bit, then seed a date in my city, to which she replies very tentatively. I tell her, "look, ill grab your number and text you once, and if you dont wanna hang out, its cool". So i get them digitz and bid her farewell.

I text her in a chill, flirty way. Or at least thats what im thinking. Maybe im a bit too playerish, and indeed she tells me "youre so <my nationality> ". I take the hint and dial down on the vibe, but i start doubting about the numbers solidity.

She stops replying a couple days later. My guess is that i was indeed a bit too playerish. And who knows, maybe she just dealt with some players bullshit that same week and knee-jerk ghosted me out of fear.

 

[Higher]

I was not too thrilled to see a girl tonight and i just made up an excuse ("hey, gotta wake up early tomorrow for work"). Immediately realized what a cowardly thing that was to say.

Much better woulda been "hey, do you mind if we do another time?". Had she then asked "why? what happened?", i coulda just answered "its all good, but is it a problem for you if we postpone?".

No need to tell her why or what happened if i dont wanna tell her, so no need to lie.

 

[Higher]

FR (day, warm)​

Havent approached consistently lately, havent felt any pressure/will to do so. Today i started building up momentum again.

Im walking around and i see some cute girls around. I weasel out a few times (shes got headphones, she seems in a hurry, shes doing this, shes doing that, ...), then i see a cute brunette crossing the street towards me. Im planning on keeping walking at a slower pace and approaching when she passes me. Unfortunately i wait too long. At some point i turn around and shes there no mo.

Anyway i walk towards the station. I see this blonde girl walking towards me and looking at me a few times. Im about to stop her, but she stops me first and opens informational. I reply and ask her for directions too. Then i switch to a compliment, for which she thanks me.

We introduce ourselves and i ask her what shes up to and if shes down for a chat, but she says shes engaged, so i bid her adieu.

That was it. One approach on at least 5 chances. Ill go out again tomorrow and make that ratio great again.

 

[Higher]

Momentum going up. Im way more relaxed than yesterday. Feels like im slowly owning this thing again.

I tend to bail quickly if i dont get a clear sign that she might be interested. Will work on that in the coming days.

FR (day, cold)​

I open a young, hot blonde girl. Informational as usual. I dont feel great chemistry, so at some point i bid her ciao (mistake).

FR (day, cold)​

I open this cute brunette with cap. I then switch to a compliment and she thanks me. Chemistry seems good, so I invite her for a quick coffee but she has to go back to work. Doesnt seem to be too thrilled about the idea, so i dont insist for an afterwork thing (mistake).

FR (day, warm?)​

I see this curly, brunette beauty with sunglasses walking towards me, looking in my direction and fixing her hair. I approach as usual but i see shes got an engagemeny ring, so i gracefully exit.

FU (day, cold)​

Hot asian on the train. Looks like a model/actress. For some fucktarded reason i dont sit right in front of her and i still expect for things to happen. I gotta make things happen.

 

[Higher]

FU (warm?)​

I see this cute brunette looking my way. She's seated near the river, nice white dress and sunglasses. Not sure if she's looking my way or not, but I've got sunglasses too, so I feign not noticing her and seat not far from her.

I ignore her for a good 5 minutes, just checking my phone and looking around. At some point I look her way -- and she's looking my way. So I stand up and walk towards her (no hesitation).

I ask her to take a pic of me with my phone, she complies. Then I throw in some light flirting and some self-deprecation about my pics, and she asks me couple questions. Overall we talk 2-3 minutes -- maybe not enough to build comfort. Then I throw a compliment her way, and there she throws back a curve ball: she almost rolls her eyes, she smiles lightly and says "oh my god".

I'm slightly taken aback, as I'm not sure what to do with this, but I play it off as it's no big deal and decide to push for compliance (should have built more comfort instead). I ask her what she's up to, she says she's gonna meet a friend later. I then suggest to do a coffee sometime, and she, like, stares at me for 3 seconds, speechless and serious. She clearly doesn't know how to phrase the rejection, so I help her: "are you married? you got a bf?", to which she replies "yes, i got a bf". I play it cool again, joking that she broke my heart, and leave politely.

Either she was not really interested, or my vibe was completely off. Amen.

EDIT: in retrospective I've probably been a bit try-hard. From her perspective I could have asked somebody else to take a pic of me (there were other people even close to me). Indeed when I approached and made my ask, she seemed to look around as if to say "hey, why me?".

FR (warm?)​

Train. Cute brunette in front of me. She's busy on her phone like everybody else.

I feign disinterest while keeping an eye on her. I do have the feeling she's glancing at me. At some point I catch her checking me out top to bottom, so I open informational.

Brief convo ensues, where I throw in a couple questions about her. However she answers briefly and hurries her earbuds back into her ears. Maybe she was laughing inside at how I was dressed? I thought I looked cool!

EDIT: in retrospective it hasn't been super easy to catch her attention in order to open her. She was staring outside with her earbuds on, and I kinda waved her for like 2 seconds before getting her attention. This might have broken the low effort rule and lowered my value.

 

[Higher]

Been approaching a bit lately, but amassed nothing but rejections. Im not in the best mood, and probably girls arent either.

Did 2 very similar approaches today.

FR (cold)​

Cute brunette takes pics at the lake. I open the usual way. Shes a tourist and its her first day in the city. I try to make some convo but i see shes itching to leave. I switch to a compliment anyway and ask for her name, but she just says "byee".

FR (cold)​

Cute blonde takes pics at the river. I open the usual way. This girls also a tourist and its her first day in the city too. I try to make some convo but i see shes just being polite. I decide to just eject and wish her well.

--

Hard to pinpoint if its just my mood or sth else. I havent taken any new numbers in weeks (tho yeah, im also gaming less overall).

Good that im currently seeing one girl at least. I might take a break from street daygame again and focus on other channels (ie. social circle, traveling, sport, etc).

 

[Higher]

Ok, there's definitely something wrong with me lately.

In the last 2 months or so I've dismissed almost every chance I had with cute girls by basically ignoring or even avoiding them. Some of these girls gave me huge IOIs -- looking at me intensely and multiple times, or smiling. One of those girls today.

My attainability has clearly degraded and I suspect my sub-communication is "who the fuck are you looking at?". Reason? No clue. Overall I'm also way less playful than even a few months ago.

I feel like, after these past few years that I've been learning seduction, I'm still not a real action-taker. Too much ego in the way.

Needless to say, I wanna change this. I might take a step back and work on friendliness by smiling back at girls that look at me -- kinda like what this gentleman is doing. Very inspiring!

 

[Higher]

FR++ "CurlyPhotographer" (cold)​

 

[Higher]

FR+ "Loud" (cold)​

 

[Higher]

I hop on a train. Big, dark eyes look at me from afar. I look at them and at the pretty face around them.

I sit in front of this girl. We start talking about how packed the train is, then we talk about each other a bit.

At some point were talking about art and hobbies, and i tell her that i find it difficult sometimes to focus on one thing. She asks me if im restless with things and people. I take the hint shes really asking if im pumping and dumping girls. Definitely not the case, but she doesnt know that.

My answer is not ideal: i tell her that yes, i like meeting people but at some point i think ill wanna settle down. A better answer woulda been yeah, i like meeting people, but im mostly looking for good chemistry. And when i find it, i believe things will evolve on their own -- which is the right mindset to have.

Anyway, shes only visiting for a few hours, she lives far away and i have no logistics right now, plus i feel shes a bit more aloof. I decide not to ask for her number, and she doesnt ask for mine. We bid each other farewell and she leaves the train.

 

[Higher]

I finally feel im out of the rut ive been until recently. No new lays, but i feel way more sociable and i think people notice.

What helped me:
- gameboys journal (and the newbie challenge); just smiling and saying hi to girls almost instantly improved my mood
- this article by Chase
- working from cafés/bars
- grabbing food out instead of cooking at home
- going for a walk as often as possible, even just around the block; optionally going to a neighborhood/town close by
- traveling

In general reducing home-time and spending more time outside being open towards people did the trick (unsurprisingly).

I feel like this mindset is slowly solidifying in my brain. Hopefully itll soon stop being an "on-off" thing and become a full part of my identity.

 

[gameboy]

Wow, so glad I could inspire you being a complete noob myself hahaha! Thanks for the mention!

 

[Higher]

Reminder to myself: girls who seem closed off might warm up unexpectedly and very quickly upon opening.

Happened today on the train. Cute girl on the phone sits down in front of me. I smile to her, she smiles back in a quick and dismissive way, clearly focused on the call. She opens up her laptop a few seconds later while talking to whomever is on the other end of the line.

I think to myself, man, she's just too focused and probably not open to a convo. I throw a couple quick glances at her, trying to trigger some reaction. However she either stares at her laptop or in the void, thinking.

At some point the call ends abruptly and she stares more in the void and sorta in my direction, playing with her hair. Feels like a green light. I wait a minute or so as I'm not 100% sure, but then I open: she looks at me and immediately smiles in a warm and shy way, looking down.

We only have a very short convo as we're hopping off the train and she has to quickly hop on another one, but the vibe is good. Couldn't get her contact unfortunately, but let this serve as a lesson to myself: I'm too careful. Should start daring a bit more and open quicker. Worst case, the girl will dismiss me as quickly and I'll be satisfied, knowing that I took my shot.

 

[gameboy]

Well done!

I tried opening 4 or 5 girls today, went nowhere except for one rather short conversation. But at least I tried!

We gotta be more aggressive definitely

 

[Higher]

Really cute girl on the plane, seated in the row in front of me.

Theres a beautiful sunset but i cant see it well, so i ask her to take a pic for me from her position. She complies and is very nice, but i drop the convo soon after as she seems to be just polite.

An hour or so passes and i aim for the eye contact when she goes to the bathroom, but she avoids it. That makes it clear to me that she isnt interested, so i drop it.

However, when we later stand up to exit the plane after landing, she looks at me a few times with her beautiful brown eyes. I have a feeling this girl was taken, but i also have the feeling that once again i ejected too soon.

Ill have to keep working on this for some time i feel. Definitely have to fix it.

 

[Higher]

Just approached a cute brunette.

Open and hook were not a problem. She had a flight in a few hours, but she had to go back to her apartment first. Shes 20ish, and this time, when asked, I lied about my age.

We went to grab some food and she paid for it. We talked and connected a fair bit over a wide range of topics.

However, when we switched to sex talk/non-judgement, she became a bit more distant. Maybe her emotions had already crested. We talked a bit more and then she said it was nice to meet me.

I think she was simply not feeling like having a random encounter, especially since she had a recent breakup -- 1 month ago, was a short but very intense relationship with a troubled guy who, she added, "has the same star sign as you".

Other possible reasons for her not feeling it:

- she perceived me as too eager; maybe i introduced sex talk a bit too bluntly/was too persistent; therefore she probably felt i had an agenda -- which i honestly had shes super cute
- we talked too much -- 1-2h i think -- without much more apart from comfort-building

One thing id change for sure is, i left her a bit too abruptly. When she told me that it was nice to meet me, i hugged her quickly and walked away without even wishing her a good trip back. Could have bid her farewell in a bit nicer way.

Other two important things for me to remember:
- her body language opened up quite soon after chatting a bit and she was smiling a lot; she might have presented a window thereabouts where i could have kissed her had i ramped up the tension; coulda made her a compliment followed by a deep gaze, and gauged her reaction to that; this is all the more likely given that we didnt have a lotta time
- i think i give my best when i dont have an agenda, ie. when im not expecting anything and im ready to walk away, while still bonding with her and giving both of us a good experience