Gameboy's Journal

[AspiringStoic]

It seems to be a common dillema. Me and Curwen talked about this too here. There's this issue where approaches that you do "genuinely" seem to work out a lot better. But at the same time there aren't as many opportunities for genuine approaches. If you want the volume and to skill up fast, you might have to drop genuineness and just get the reps in.

Been watching a lot of videos on mastering approaching from everyone and everywhere, and it seems to be a common advice. Get the volume early on (by going out of your way) to get the skill, and then later you can scale down to only approaching as part of your day (doing things you love anyway) or only approaching the best sets etc.

Yup. You are right. Right from Mystery Method in the earliest days, volume has always been emphasized to anyone learning cold approach from scratch.

Apart from coaches, I know a few guys who get girls regularly from cold approach who I have seen in person. All of them said they had to do volume in the beginning to get good.

And not just a couple of hundred but 1000+ to really get the skillset down. But then again it depends on what you are aiming for I guess.

If your goal is to just find the next girl who you like and maybe start dating her or get into a relationship then its fine. Because as @gameboy said if he finds a girl, he might start dating her and it will at least be a girl he is genuinely attracted to.

But I want the skillset to be able to get girls, I don't want any particular girl at the moment.

If you gave me an option between getting an amazingly stunning girl by luck now or getting the skillset to consistently get girls a year from now, I would take the latter.

So my approach and mindset to this whole thing is different. I don't want to push my line of thinking on @gameboy .

 

[gameboy]

Appreciate all the feedback guys! i'm defintely considering everything even if I'm not implementing it all right away.

Like Chris said I think my main issue is still approach anxiety. Gotta be honest with myself!

 

[gameboy]

1

Girl in supermarket, before me at the checkout. I liked her style and she was physically my type. She was putting all her groceries (a lot!) into a huge bag. I was planning to tease her how that bag would be bigger than her and how she was going to carry it, but in the end I only came up with "What a huge bag!" She looked at me, then laughed in a friendly way. I said something else which I don't remember but she didn't answer and asked the cashier for some info instead.

Maybe I could have reopened her near the exit but she was talking with some other store clerk, and I didn't care enough to wait around until she finished.

2 (eye flirt)

Walking home I felt more confident than usual. Noticed a tall, beautiful black girl locking eyes with me as we walked past each other. Didn't open as she was part of a 3-mixed-set, possibly family.

I'm definitely noticing more girls checking me out or looking me into the eyes. This didn't used to happen at all, for a very long time, and only started happening maybe 2 days ago. Or if it happened before, I didn't notice. Not sure what's changed but maybe my skin is better than it used to be. Also I'm feeling more confident overall, maybe it's my walk and/or how I carry myself.

3

On the beach I sat down next to a pink towel with female-looking stuff. As I was testing the water with my feet, a fat girl came out of the sea and sat down on the pink towel. I said to her "Wow, the water is hot!" She just gave me a curt nod one, with a serious face. Not even a hint of a smile. Then she laid down. Kind of rude.

I wasn't even opening her to hit on her, just to do some friendly small talk because she happened to be the person sitting next to me. But this UG apparently wasn't in the mood even for opening her mouth for that.

Btw I wouldn't have called her UG (ugly girl) but for her nasty reaction. Not that it bothered me much. There were enough other girls to check out (but saw none that were single and approachable).

4

Another unattractive woman, sitting on a bench in front of my house. I wasn't actually planning to open, but just as I walked by in front of her, a helicopter flew over us and she looked up. I pointed up and said "They're watching us!" with a smile. She glanced at me, then just looked to the side without any reaction.

So much for lowering one's standards! While it's nice to get one's "open count" up, I don't think I'd want to practice with those girls even if they were receptive.

Chase wrote somewhere in my journal that the hottest girls are usually also the friendliest. So far I can only confirm his experience.

5

Back on the beach, spotted a real hottie on the beach. Very long curly dark hair, great figure. I'd say a 10 at first glance. She was wearing huge headphones though, was writing in a book, and generally gave me fuck off vibes. I sat close by her for a while, battled with AA but in the end decided this one really doesn't want to talk to me. She wouldn't even look at me when I did some yoga moves near the water, I could see out of the corner of my eye that she kept staring down at the book she was writing in. Oh well. In the end I grabbed my stuff and left.

As luck would have it I forgot my shoes! Walked all the way back, right past the hottie girl. From up close I could see her face wasn't super great, had some pimples or bumps that she painted over with a thick layer of makeup. I can't help but wonder if these girls would have these bumps on their skin if they'd just stop using all that make up in the first place.

Anyway, I grabbed my shoes and turned around to walk back. Now she was looking at me (though not in an inviting way). I gave her a smile anyway, and as I walked back past her, said in her general direction "Always gotta take your shoes with you!"

Reaction: None, she was already looking down at her book or whatever again.

I was kind of proud of how I did that! Felt pretty smooth, got me over the AA and confirmed the impression I had before.

SUMMARY

I'll be generous to myself and count the ping and the 2 UGs as approaches, so 4 total today. Not too bad! Let's see if I can do 4 more tomorrow. I really want to find a girl that hooks. How is this so hard? Maybe I should lower my standards but not so low as to talk to the UGs. Although to be fair, even fat girls deserve some nice friendly banter don't they? I just don't get some of these women's reactions. But whatever. You never know what kind of day they're having and who was the last guy who approached them...

I love the confidence boost this experience is giving me!

 

[bgwh]

1

Girl in supermarket, before me at the checkout. I liked her style and she was physically my type. She was putting all her groceries (a lot!) into a huge bag. I was planning to tease her how that bag would be bigger than her and how she was going to carry it, but in the end I only came up with "What a huge bag!" She looked at me, then laughed in a friendly way. I said something else which I don't remember but she didn't answer and asked the cashier for some info instead.

Maybe I could have reopened her near the exit but she was talking with some other store clerk, and I didn't care enough to wait around until she finished.

2 (eye flirt)

Walking home I felt more confident than usual. Noticed a tall, beautiful black girl locking eyes with me as we walked past each other. Didn't open as she was part of a 3-mixed-set, possibly family.

I'm definitely noticing more girls checking me out or looking me into the eyes. This didn't used to happen at all, for a very long time, and only started happening maybe 2 days ago. Can't put my finger on it but maybe my skin is better than it used to be. Also I'm feeling more confident overall, maybe it's my walk and/or how I carry myself.

3

On the beach I sat down next to a pink towel with female-looking stuff. As I was testing the water with my feet, a fat girl came out of the sea and sat down on the pink towel. I said to her "Wow, the water is hot!" She just gave me a curt nod one, with a serious face. Not even a hint of a smile. Then she laid down. Kind of rude.

I wasn't even opening her to hit on her, just to do some friendly small talk because she happened to be the person sitting next to me. But this UG apparently wasn't in the mood even for opening her mouth for that.

Btw I wouldn't have called her UG (ugly girl) but for her nasty reaction. Not that it bothered me much. There were enough other girls to check out (but saw none that were single and approachable).

4

Another unattractive woman, sitting on a bench in front of my house. I wasn't actually planning to open, but just as I walked by in front of her, a helicopter flew over us and she looked up. I pointed up and said "They're watching us!" with a smile. She glanced at me, then just looked to the side without any reaction.

So much for lowering one's standards! While it's nice to get one's "open count" up, I don't think I'd want to practice with those girls even if they were receptive.

Chase wrote somewhere in my journal that the hottest girls are usually also the friendliest. So far I can only confirm his experience.

5

Back on the beach, spotted a real hottie on the beach. Very long curly dark hair, great figure. I'd say a 10 at first glance. She was wearing huge headphones though, was writing in a book, and generally gave me fuck off vibes. I sat close by her for a while, battled with AA but in the end decided this one really doesn't want to talk to me. She wouldn't even look at me when I did some yoga moves near the water, I could see out of the corner of my eye that she kept staring down at the book she was writing in. Oh well. In the end I grabbed my stuff and left.

As luck would have it I forgot my shoes! Walked all the way back, right past the hottie girl. From up close I could see her face wasn't super great, had some pimples or bumps that she painted over with a thick layer of makeup. I can't help but wonder if these girls would have these bumps on their skin if they'd just stop using all that make up in the first place.

Anyway, I grabbed my shoes and turned around to walk back. Now she was looking at me (though not in an inviting way). I still gave her a smile, and as I walked back past her, said in her general direction "Gotta take the shoes with me!"

Reaction: None, she was already looking down at her book or whatever again.

I was kind of proud of how I did that! Felt pretty smooth, got me over the AA and confirmed the impression I had before.

SUMMARY

I'll be generous to myself and count the ping and the 2 UGs as approaches, so 4 total today. Not too bad! Let's see if I can do 4 more tomorrow. I really want to find a girl that hooks. How is this so hard? Maybe I should lower my standards but not so low as to talk to the UGs. Although to be fair, even fat girls deserve some nice friendly banter don't they? I just don't get some of these women's reactions. But whatever. You never know what kind of day they're having and who was the last guy who approached them...

I love the confidence boost this experience is giving me!

Good stuff man. I can feel the confidence boost just from reading.

 

[JT Sunshine]

Great stuff man. If you can figure out how to make them hook, let me know. I have trouble with that too

 

[AspiringStoic]

I really want to find a girl that hooks

From what I have been experiencing. A girl needs atleast a few seconds to understand what is happening, evaluate it and the realize its not a threat and then open up.

For that to happen, we have to really "commit" to the intetaction by clearly showing that we want to engage in a conversation. Walking up to her unambiguously and opening her and continuing to talk for at least 10+seconds usually accomplishes this.

I just don't get some of these women's reactions

I really would not draw any conclusions about these girls or their reactions from just these one line, kind of drive by comments. If you really walk up and talk to them and they actively reject you, then you can count it as a proper response and an indicator of her lack of interest.

Instead of always checking for signs of whether she is interested, I prefer to presume she will be happy to talk until she makes it abundantly clear that she is not.

 

[gameboy]

From what I have been experiencing. A girl needs atleast a few seconds to understand what is happening, evaluate it and the realize its not a threat and then open up.

For that to happen, we have to really "commit" to the intetaction by clearly showing that we want to engage in a conversation. Walking up to her unambiguously and opening her and continuing to talk for at least 10+seconds usually accomplishes this.



I really would not draw any conclusions about these girls or their reactions from just these one line, kind of drive by comments. If you really walk up and talk to them and they actively reject you, then you can count it as a proper response and an indicator of her lack of interest.

Instead of always checking for signs of whether she is interested, I prefer to presume she will be happy to talk until she makes it abundantly clear that she is not.

That makes sense... and it would explain why I'm getting less hooks recently, then when I started out... when I started out I didn't know about pinging, I just talked to the girls... you said you never even use pings right?

 

[AspiringStoic]

That makes sense... and it would explain why I'm getting less hooks recently, then when I started out... when I started out I didn't know about pinging, I just talked to the girls... you said you never even use pings right?

Yup. I did not even know what pinging was until I read it here on your journal a week or so ago. I thought it was something related to texting.

it would explain why I'm getting less hooks recently

Yeah your favorite color opener was getting way more responses because it showed your clear intent to interact with the girl and that you expected a response/ answer.

Actually now this got me thinking of what happened a couple of days ago to me.

An old lady got on to the bus and sat opposite me and loudly said "wow its so hot out there today". I heard it and just looked at her and nodded in agreement.

Now it was not that I did not want to speak to her. Firstly I was not even sure if she said to me or was just talking to herself loudly. Secondly, I just felt that no more response from my side was warranted to that.

Now if she had looked me in the eye directly and said something else or asked me something, I would have been happy to talk to her. But for that one statement I just did not know what else to say.

I think its a similar situation for many of these girls. If you actually talk to them and they really feel its an actual conversation then more of them would respond. I don't think they are rejecting you at all now to be honest.

 

[Curwen]

Women who are not very attractive (I hate talking about people like this, but…) probably have a very different life experience than beautiful women. They may have some social anxiety themselves, they might assume you are not interested in them and just using them for something. Some of them have been made fun of, so especially an overweight woman may have her guard up when a man says something.

@AspiringStoic gave you some good points there. Imagine you’re out somewhere, and someone just says a line to you, non-committally, not really planting their feet and stopping close to you. Would you quickly open up and start carrying the conversation?

Anyway, I love your journal. I admire your diligence in going out and opening.

 

[gameboy]

Thank you @Curwen much appreciated!

And thanks to @AspiringStoic for opening my eyes that the pings and drive-by approaches I've been doing recently are unlikely to lead anywhere.

Today I decided to ditch the pings and approach with the intent to actually talk to the girl, and tell her that.

Around noon it was super hot here, almost 40 degrees, so I didn't do any street game.

On the beach I saw one single girl that I liked the hair style of, it was fiery red and she had these pigtails left and right which I find super cute. But other than that she wasn't all that attractive, she had lots of tats and huge tits with pierced nipples. Natural, but hanging down all the way to her belly button. Her ass was a bit fat too. For guys who are into curvy chicks she probably was a stunner, but I'm more into the slim or petite ones. In the end, she didn't do it for me enough to get over the AA.

Later I found a cute girl lying down. This one was slim, no tats at all, long brunette hair. Her face wasn't quite my type for some reason, maybe a bit too serious looking for my taste. But I wanted to talk to her anyways since it was already getting late.

I walked around for several minutes, looking out at the sea and battling with AA. Finally I walked over to the girl and said "Hello, how are you?" - I couldn't really hear her reply since she wasn't talking very loud. I said "I wanted to ask you something. Are you German?"

She smiled at that actually, I think it was the only time in the convo where she smiled. Again I couldn't understand what she said. I crouched down to be closer to her.

Me: "Everyone on this beach seems to be German, so I thought you're probably German too"
HB: "No, I'm X"
Me: "Oh, X all right! So you're on holiday?"
HB: "Yes."

She gestured vaguely to her left and said something else I didn't understand. I thought she meant she's with some people from X country over there, but I just ignored that. I asked how long she was staying and she said she's leaving tomorrow.

Me: "That's too short! You should stay longer"
HB: "No, I have to work"

I asked her name, then told her mine and shook her hand.

HB: "Nice to meet you"
Me: "Well, I just saw by yourself and I thought you looked bored, so I wanted to talk to you."
HB: "Oh thanks! I ... bla bla bla... myself though."

I'm not sure if she said she was fine by herself, or if she said she wanted to be by herself. In the heat of the moment I assumed she was telling me she wanted to be by herself.

Me: "Oh you want to be by yourself? Okay, I'll go back over there then" pointing to my towel. (EDIT: OMG this reads super cringy in hindsight lol)
HB: "Ok have a nice day" (not sure I remember this part correctly)
Me: "You too, enjoy your last day here"

Sooo... I guess I could have done that better, lol. But I finally had a longer chat with an attractive girl! The spark wasn't there for me though, and I'm sure it wasn't for her either because she didn't really hook, she was just being nice.

I completely forgot to do any and all seduction tech, such as qualifying, teasing, hand clasp, and so on.

Well I guess I teased her on looking German, that actually seemed to have a good effect but after that I just did boring smalltalk.

Oh and again I ejected without even trying to get the contact details. Just because I assumed she wanted to be by herself. But she could also have been saying she doesn't mind being by herself. I was nervous in the conversation though and not thinking straight.

You guys are completely right, it's necessary to practice being in this situation. Because if you don't, your brain will just follow the old boring smalltalk script. And get you to eject way too early, too.

P.S. I actually reopened the girl when I left, I asked her where in X country she was from and if she could give me some tips which cities to visit. Again a totally friendly, but flirt-free conversation.

 

[gameboy]

Today it was over 40 degrees C (105F+), far too hot for me to sarge either in the streets or on the beach. Somehow I still managed to open 3 girls.

FIrst one was on a coffee shop terrace, at the table to the left of me. She was with a 2F1M set. I liked a tattoo she had, but I didn't find an opening to compliment her until the group got up to leave. Then I just turned to her, pointed at her arm and said "Nice tattoo!" She said thanks. I then commented on the design and said "I love it!" She just said "Me too" as she left with her friends.

Right after, 2 girls sat down at the table to the right of me. They got served some sandwiches that smelled really good, so I said that out loud. I got a smile from the prettier one of the girls, the other girl I could not see because I had my back to her. I said "Enjoy", but they didn't engage. Her friend was a fatty so maybe she wouldn't appreciate me flirting with the prettier one... anyway, 2 sets are tricky generally.

In the afternoon I took the bike to the beach for some much needed refreshment. I did see one or two hotties on the way, one in particular caught my eye wearing high black boots and a very short black skirt. I stopped and considered opening, she was waiting at a bus stop but I was physically uncomfortable with the hot dry wind blowing in my face so I talked myself out of it.

Third opener of the day was on the beach, I saw a girl reading a book that had "GIRLS" printed in big letters on the cover. Not sure if that was the full title but it caught my eye. The girl was part of a 2F set. I walked closer and said "So you are reading about girls?" - She didn't look at me, instead looked at her friend in what I think was an "omg" sort of way. I said "Just asking because it looks interesting!" - She still wouldn't turn around to look at me, so I let it be.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Today it was over 40 degrees C (105F+), far too hot for me to sarge either in the streets or on the beach. Somehow I still managed to open 3 girls.

FIrst one was on a coffee shop terrace, at the table to the left of me. She was with a 2F1M set. I liked a tattoo she had, but I didn't find an opening to compliment her until the group got up to leave. Then I just turned to her, pointed at her arm and said "Nice tattoo!" She said thanks. I then commented on the design and said "I love it!" She just said "Me too" as she left with her friends.

Right after, 2 girls sat down at the table to the right of me. They got served some sandwiches that smelled really good, so I said that out loud. I got a smile from the prettier one of the girls, the other girl I could not see because I had my back to her. I said "Enjoy", but they didn't engage. Her friend was a fatty so maybe she wouldn't appreciate me flirting with the prettier one... anyway, 2 sets are tricky generally.

In the afternoon I took the bike to the beach for some much needed refreshment. I did see one or two hotties on the way, one in particular caught my eye wearing high black boots and a very short black skirt. I stopped and considered opening, she was waiting at a bus stop but I was physically uncomfortable with the hot dry wind blowing in my face so I talked myself out of it.

Third opener of the day was on the beach, I saw a girl reading a book that had "GIRLS" printed in big letters on the cover. Not sure if that was the full title but it caught my eye. The girl was part of a 2F set. I walked closer and said "So you are reading about girls?" - She didn't look at me, instead looked at her friend in what I think was an "omg" sort of way. I said "Just asking because it looks interesting!" - She still wouldn't turn around to look at me, so I let it be.

Pheww 40 degrees is really hot. Props on taking action today. Unfortunately I did not do anything today. Had a splitting headache after work and just took a long nap. Treating myself to some nice food and wine now. Being kind to myself and looking to go out tomorrow and getting back into it.

 

[gameboy]

Not really feeling it this weekend. The heat is killing me. Yesterday (Saturday) I didn't approach, and today I did two warmups but no all-in openers.

The warmups were nice though. First one was a group of 7 girls in the coffee shop. They were sitting right next to me and talking in X language. I was curious where in X country they were from as I've been there a couple of times. When they got ready to leave I asked "Excuse me" - no reaction. I addressed a girl that was facing me and asked "Where are you from?"
"X country" - "Yeah but whereabouts?" - "Y city" - "Oh Y, I've been there!" - "When?" - "at a Metallica concert"

That got me some laughs. They must have remembered that Metallica played in their city, because it's not a huge city that big bands typically do tour stops in. However they looked like they were maybe around 20, so probably 15 at the time of the concert lol. Maybe they heard the stories from their parents

I told them I liked their city, but got no reply. To be fair, there's probably not much to reply to that statement. I told them to enjoy their holiday here, and went back to my coffee.

Second opener: 2F set coming towards me, 1 black 1 white. I actually thought the black girl was hot, but the white girl was closer to me and she was wearing a large white hat. So I said "Nice hat!" as we walked past each other. I was expecting she'd ignore me, but she actually said thank you.

Later I went to the beach and saw a few girls sit by themselves, but I was feeling super fatigued by the heat and humidity and in no mood to approach.

 

[gameboy]

Struggling with motivation again. The heat is not helping. Yesterday I did 0 approaches and I didn't even particularly care or try.

For today, I'm setting the goal of making at least one approach. Ideally more, of course, to get the momentum back, but one is the minimum.

 

[Curwen]

Struggling with motivation again. The heat is not helping. Yesterday I did 0 approaches and I didn't even particularly care or try.

For today, I'm setting the goal of making at least one approach. Ideally more, of course, to get the momentum back, but one is the minimum.

Go out with sole, INSANE focus of doing just one, no matter how it goes.

 

[gameboy]

No approach today. Still feeling low energy. My horniness and libido are also at a record low these days.

I didn't even see any girls I found hot, with 2 exceptions. One was with another girl, and while I was checking them out I noticed the other girls had hairy legs and a haircut like Frodo in the LOTR movie. Looks like a lesbian couple.

The other one seemed to be lying by herself, but closely surrounded by people and super close to a group of 3 guys who were staring at me... I don't think I would have opened her under these circumstances even on the best of days. I checked back on her later, and found out she was actually part of a 3 set.

Gonna take it easy until my energy returns. Usually these spells tend to come and go.

 

[AspiringStoic]

No approach today. Still feeling low energy. My horniness and libido are also at a record low these days.

I didn't even see any girls I found hot, with 2 exceptions. One was with another girl, and while I was checking them out I noticed the other girls had hairy legs and a haircut like Frodo in the LOTR movie. Looks like a lesbian couple.

The other one seemed to be lying by herself, but closely surrounded by people and super close to a group of 3 guys who were staring at me... I don't think I would have opened her under these circumstances even on the best of days. I checked back on her later, and found out she was actually part of a 3 set.

Gonna take it easy until my energy returns. Usually these spells tend to come and go.

Yeah sometimes there is definitely a dip. Usually for me its when some uncertanity or anxiety pops up in terms of health or work. Hope everything else is going good for you.

Maybe quality sleep, exercise or a day of just letting yourself relax would help.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I don't think I would have opened her under these circumstances even on the best of days.

Why do you think that though? I mean it's just an approach that some people may see, maybe stare, maybe talk about, maybe even laugh if it doesn't go well. No harm will come out of it. At least the way I am thinking about it is if this is the only way I'm gonna be meeting this woman right now, and I truly deeply feel in my body that I want to meet her, I go. It's more about being true to myself and knowing that I went after what I felt, and of course it opens up the possibility of a result. Besides, most people will not even do the things I mentioned anyway, they may notice you for a second and then go back to doing their thing.

I can also feel you regarding the energy, sometimes it can get more down. What I try to do, apart from seeing whether there is something to help it go up again, is still put some approaches in to not totally lose momentum. And then maybe an approach itself can give you some energy, as well.

 

[gameboy]

Why do you think that though?

I still find it hard when people are very close and stationary, as is the case on the beach. Maybe with some social momentum going on I wouldn't have cared, but today I had none.

 

[bgwh]

No approach today. Still feeling low energy. My horniness and libido are also at a record low these days.

I didn't even see any girls I found hot, with 2 exceptions. One was with another girl, and while I was checking them out I noticed the other girls had hairy legs and a haircut like Frodo in the LOTR movie. Looks like a lesbian couple.

The other one seemed to be lying by herself, but closely surrounded by people and super close to a group of 3 guys who were staring at me... I don't think I would have opened her under these circumstances even on the best of days. I checked back on her later, and found out she was actually part of a 3 set.

Gonna take it easy until my energy returns. Usually these spells tend to come and go.

I miss-posted this as a reply to you on curwen's journal:

Are you keeping track of your total? I just started doing that (total goal 1000), that really changed things for me. I'm now counting down from 1000, and energy just comes out of nowhere.

Today I was super lethargic, barely got out of bed or left the house for groceries, but ended up doing 20 approaches today like a breeze. Literally had to stop myself, coz I have work to do, would have ended up with like a 100. It's a nice hack, just counting down from your total.